Sunday, October 28, 2001 (Private/In Person)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Yvonne
Elias arrives at 1:59 PM. (Arrival time is 20 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon.
YVONNE: Thank you!
ELIAS: And how shall we proceed?
YVONNE: Well, I've been very blocked. I felt, prior to coming this weekend, very blocked, very sad, sinking into depression and wanting to be released - wanting to release myself, maybe (sighs) - and lots of conflict within. Wanting to be planted and yet wanting to fly away, wanting to be grounded and yet just going. Am I making any sense? (Elias nods) Not knowing and wanting to know, and yet knowing.
It's manifesting in my physical body, and I can't seem to get over it anymore. I mean, it's like I've been here before, I've done this before, and now it seems I don't have the ... I feel like maybe I'm dying. Yet I've explored death, and it's okay, you know? But I'm not ready to go yet and I want to live until I die, and I feel like ... I don't know, I'm lacking energy. It's hard for me to get up in the morning (emotionally), and it's hard ... I get going and I do my day and then I come home and I'm just crashing, turning the tube on and watching what's been happening. (Pause)
ELIAS: And what do you view that you are generating inwardly that is manifesting this?
YVONNE: I feel like I need a vision, that I'm at the point of trying to create something new, never before, and I don't have a focus yet (emotionally), and I don't know what that looks like really well. I mean, yes, I'm very opinionated and I know how I want it to be. I'm fighting this system that's crumbling, and I'm not quite sure. I don't want to make the wrong moves. (Pause)
I've got this piddly little seven goddamn thousand dollars, that I've never had before in my whole life. I've always lived in kind of survival mode, not always, but most of my life, probably a whole BUNCH of lives. It feels very old, very old. (Elias smiles and nods) And I've got this stupid little seven thousand dollars, and I want to make it grow and I want it to be a lot, you know? I mean, I saw a thing on TV about a woman who did this business thing and she learned banking and she made lots of money and then she went to Africa and bought a tract of land and now she's saving the animals. I thought that was cool.
ELIAS: And what do YOU want? (Pause)
YVONNE: I don't know (emotionally), that's the problem!
ELIAS: What shall generating quantities of money offer to you?
ELIAS: What opportunities?
YVONNE: First, to have a home base that I know is mine, for me and mine, and then to fly! (Laughing) I just want to go, I want to see, I want to do, I want it all.
ELIAS: And within you, presently, you believe that you cannot.
YVONNE: I'm stuck!
ELIAS: For you believe that there are requirements first that must be accomplished to offer you this freedom.
YVONNE: I've never resonated with the system that's in place. It's never allowed me to be me, and it's always fucked with me, you know? I feel oppressed by it, and I don't do it well.
ELIAS: I am understanding what you are expressing, and I shall say to you, what you view as an establishment of society is not oppressing you. You are oppressing you, for you choose to focus your attention outside of yourself and attach the responsibility to these expressions outside of yourself, which you thusly generate the role of the victim. And in being the victim, what are you creating? The lack of choices.
(Quietly and gently) As I have expressed in our previous session yesterday, if the responsibility is projected by the individual outwardly to systems, to other individuals, to societies, to circumstances, even to things such as money, where is your choice? If these expressions outside of you are creating your reality for you, and in your terms oppressing you, you offer yourself no choices. But in reality YOU are generating all of your reality, and in ALLOWING yourself to recognize your own responsibility of self, you do not oppress yourself, my friend, and you do not create this fearful expression in association with responsibility.
It also is not work; it is an expression of freedom. For if you are creating all of your reality, then you also incorporate choice. You have incorporated much time framework in which you offer yourself little choices, for your attention projects outwardly.
YVONNE: How can I shift that? I need out of here. I've been in here a very long time, and I know that the door's open. I mean, intellectually I grasp it all, but it hasn't filtered down into my fingertips yet.
ELIAS: I am understanding. That you offer yourself information intellectually is a step, but I am also quite understanding the difference of incorporating the concepts intellectually and incorporating the action of reality.
YVONNE: The experience.
Now; in this, how do you begin? You begin in moving your attention to you. I am aware that this appears in words to be a quite simplistic movement, but in actuality the familiarity is to be projecting your attention outwardly, so much so that you are not even noticing. Therefore, the initial step is to be allowing yourself to notice.
In the moment that you are experiencing this lack of motivation, this depression, this anxiety, these signals are quite strong. In the moment they are easily recognized and easily noticed. Incorporate these signals as an opportunity, for they are, in actuality. In this opportunity, as you notice these signals, allow yourself to move your attention to identify what you are associating with in that moment that you are subsequently generating these signals in relation to.
Let me express to you, in what you generate yourself, for the most part your challenge involves two aspects. For in the moment that you begin generating this anxiety, your attention is projecting futurely in anticipation of what may be or what you may not generate, therefore you discount yourself. But the point is to recognize that your attention is moving futurely, not in the now.
ELIAS: The other aspect of what you generate in the moment in relation to projecting your attention futurely [is that] you create a movement of energy back, so to speak, into the now, [in] which you attack your motivation. These are figurative terms.
The attention moves futurely; the signal of anxiety begins. The energy moves back into the now and affects the now expression, which is the motivation. It eliminates the motivation in direct alignment with the projection of attention future.
Now; in the moment that you notice the signal of the anxiety, also allow yourself to notice how you are projecting your attention future. As you notice that projection, intentionally express to yourself - you may even incorporate actual verbal language, if you are so choosing, to attain your attention - express in that moment "STOP!" Once expressing "stop," move your attention to NOW, and allow yourself to recognize and assess what is actually occurring NOW.
YVONNE: But isn't that the creative moment? Isn't that the place where I...
YVONNE: ...create the new thing?
ELIAS: Yes. But you are not allowing yourself. (Strongly) In THIS moment, in THIS NOW, you are creating precisely what I am describing to you. What are you actually creating? What are you actually DOING in this moment?
ELIAS: No! What are you ACTUALLY doing in this moment?
YVONNE: Listening to you.
ELIAS: Correct! Therefore, what is the anxiety? What is its association? Not with what you are generating presently in choice. What you are generating presently in this now, in choice, in doing, is what you want.
ELIAS: You want to be engaging conversation with myself and you are, but you are also simultaneously generating TREMENDOUS tension and anxiety...
ELIAS: ...and projecting energy. Notice, IN THIS NOW, and express what to your self? (Slight pause) One word.
YVONNE: I'm sorry, I kind of lost what you're getting at.
ELIAS: I am engaging the exercise with you, in this now!
YVONNE: So, right now I want to stop...
YVONNE: ...the tension, the anxiety.
ELIAS: Therefore, you express to yourself one word: "STOP!"
ELIAS: Now; where do you move your attention? Move your attention to your feet and express "relax." Move your attention slowly and completely through your entire body.
ELIAS: Do not merely express to yourself "relax." Shall we engage together?
(Speaking slowly and gently) Feel tension within the physical body muscles and release that tension. Feel physical tension move in ease. Feel yourself release this tension and relax, and allow yourself your breath. For it is quite difficult to hold tension within your physical body and also incorporate tremendous intake of breath and releasing. As you are continuing to allow yourself to relax, do not occupy thinking other than in the noticing of your muscles, your body, your bones.
As you continue this action now, let me express also to you, the action of what you generate within physical focus that you identify as crying, if you allow yourself the recognition of this action, as an individual draws in their breath and holds tension, you facilitate the action of crying quite easily; but in releasing the tension, it is difficult to continue this action of crying, for the action itself is a natural release of body tension.
ELIAS: Yes. It is a natural action that you instruct your body consciousness to engage to release the tension.
Now; in this moment, as you are incorporating this action, I am aware that my speaking to you is distracting, and you are not fully allowing yourself to incorporate your attention merely upon you.
YVONNE: Right, and relaxing.
ELIAS: Correct. But we are incorporating an example of an exercise together, that you may remember.
In this, also recognize that as you turn your attention to your physical body, you stop projecting your attention futurely. You stop associating automatically with what you are anticipating or what you are thinking concerning future.
Once you have distracted your attention from the projection future and have focused it in the now, offering it an occupation with intentionally relaxing your physical body consciousness, and once you have allowed yourself to relax, you may question yourself: "What am I generating now? What am I actually doing now? Am I incorporating that action that I am anticipating and projecting my attention to futurely? No! I am sitting within a chair. I am incorporating an exercise of relaxing my physical muscles. What am I generating that shall create anxiety?" No expression.
This in itself, my friend, offers you choice. For now you release the anxiety and the fear and the discouragement and the oppression, for your attention now turns to you and you incorporate the freedom of knowing, "I am generating little movement presently. I am sitting within a chair. I am relaxing. Ah! I incorporate many choices! I may choose whatever I want in this moment."
YVONNE: And then? Then the anxiety returns, because I cannot focus on one thing. There's a judgment on what I will choose to create, and it needs to be right.
ELIAS: It matters not, my friend! (Yvonne laughs) There is no right choice.
YVONNE: I understand that.
ELIAS: What is significant is not the right choice or the wrong choice, but what IS the choice - recognizing what it is that you want.
YVONNE: I want it all! (Laughs)
ELIAS: And I may express to you, you may have it, but YOU must generate it. As you continue to merely project futurely and do not DO in the moment - or what you choose to do is to unmotivate yourself or to express anxiety - you merely create a circle.
YVONNE: Exactly, and I'm stuck.
ELIAS: But you are not stuck.
YVONNE: I don't want to be stuck.
ELIAS: This is the reason that I am expressing this exercise to you, for this draws your attention to the now and allows you to recognize [that] you may choose whatever you want and generate that and create it, but you also must be recognizing that you create this in the now. Choose ANY choice; it matters not. You begin in the now, and you do not offer yourself the recognition, other than in intellectual thoughts, for you are so very busy in the now generating anxiety and thinking futurely. How may you create in the now and seize your moments if your attention is not focused in the now? (Pause)
Commonly individuals express a wish to be creating quantities of money. Commonly individuals express that they want to be creating an on-going intimate relationship with another individual.
YVONNE: Or two or three. (Laughs)
ELIAS: Now; in both of these wants, commonly the individual views both of these creations as expressed outside of themselves and that they do not create them, they acquire them.
YVONNE: I read that transcript about the difference between acquiring and manifesting. Intellectually that sounds right on. I mean, yes, I know that it resonates with me. It's just a matter, I guess, of learning how to...
ELIAS: It is a matter of offering yourself permission to create the first step, and once offering yourself permission to create this first step in the now, it becomes much more easily expressed.
"I want to be generating quantities of money." The first step is to discontinue concentrating upon HOW you shall generate quantities of money and to begin to trust yourself that you merely shall. This is the first step.
Also, recognizing what your motivation is. Many individuals, and yourself also, associate quantities of money with the expression of freedom. You need not incorporate any money to generate freedom. All that you perceive you need are beliefs: you NEED this dwelling, you NEED a vehicle for transportation, you NEED electricity, you NEED communication devices, you NEED specific substances to consume.
YVONNE: I need a credit card with an unlimited amount! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite! "I need be incorporating plastic!" And all of these "needs" need money.
YVONNE: (Sighing) Yeah, that's just the transaction.
ELIAS: What you NEED is yourself. What you NEED is your trust.
ELIAS: For once you offer yourself your trust and your acceptance, you SHALL generate not what you need but all that you want. Therefore, what does the individual want with quantities of money? Freedom.
This thing, this manifestation, does not generate freedom. You are allowing a physical manifestation to dictate to you what your choices shall or shall not be. What offers you freedom is choice. Money limits your choices tremendously if you are projecting your attention to it.
YVONNE: When Leslie invited me to this weekend, my first spontaneous reaction to that invitation was, "Yes! All right!" and I immediately backtracked and said, "Wait a minute, how much is it going to cost? Oh gosh, I don't know, I'll have to look." I sweated over it for a day, and then I finally said, "Allow yourself to go!"
ELIAS: Correct. View in this moment how you have allowed the manifestation of money to dictate to you your choices. A thing is dictating to you what your choice shall be. (Yvonne sighs) Other individuals dictate to you what your choices shall be.
(Very quietly and gently) But if your attention is shifted to the now and to you, you reclaim yourself and what may be viewed as your birthright: your choice, what you want regardless of any other expression, regardless of any other choice of any other individual, YOUR choice.
YVONNE: And if I stay in the moment I'll know what I want? That's the other part of it. I'm so confused right now, I don't even ... well, I do know kinda what I want but...
ELIAS: But you do not offer yourself permission to generate this, and you also shall become much more familiar with the identification of what you want genuinely in allowing yourself to become more familiar with YOU. The manner in which you accomplish this is to pay attention to you and your choices.
Many individuals express in their want to be creating intimacy with another individual that they want to be companions and they want to share and they want to be loved and appreciated by another individual. In actuality, what the want is is to be expressing the freedom within self to express these qualities yourself freely, to be offering yourself no obstacle in your OWN expression, in your OWN choice - not what you may acquire from other individuals, be it relationships, be it money, be it objects, be it situations. Not what you may acquire, but what you may allow yourself in freedom to create and to express - this is the point of power.
YVONNE: And I want to be powerful.
ELIAS: And you are. You are merely not recognizing it. (Pause)
YVONNE: (Sighs) I don't know that I've got it all together. I guess where I get hung up is trusting myself.
YVONNE: For instance, part of what I've been working on is trying to move energy out of my way so that I can trust and know me - you know, "Hello, I hear you!" Sometimes I think I do, and then it explodes, and it's like I wasn't hearing myself at all. What was that all about? I was wrong again.
ELIAS: It is not necessarily that you are wrong.
Now; once again, this is the point of power within you in the moment, familiarizing yourself with you, listening to your communication to yourself through emotion in the moment - not merely the signal, which is the feeling, but the message which you are presenting to yourself - recognizing what you are actually doing in the moment, what you are choosing, and allowing yourself an awareness of what you are thinking, for the thinking many times is not in harmony with the doing.
YVONNE: Can I describe an example? First of all, my mother died on September 3, and then of course that 911 thing happened. In that week later, there was an opening, a job opening, in my agency and I thought that I was a shoe-in. I wanted the job, I went for it, and I really thought that it was mine. It wasn't and I didn't get it, and it really cut into my perception of who I am and what I'm about. I was really just devastated, feeling very useless, like unappreciated and just worthless. I felt like I missed it, I just so missed it.
ELIAS: (Very quietly) For your attention is focused within your thinking...
ELIAS: ...and not paying attention to what you are doing.
In this example, you have expressed that you are convinced that you shall acquire this job. You are generating a thought process that you shall acquire this job, and you are associating the thoughts with generating your reality. Thought does not create reality. You may think and think and think and you may concentrate your attention upon your thinking, and you may create painfulness within your brain in thinking, thinking, thinking (Yvonne laughs), and this is not necessarily creating WHAT you think.
You are preoccupying your attention with your thinking, and you are believing that your thinking is the instrument that generates an energy that shall thusly produce your reality. No, it does not. What you CHOOSE and what you perceive creates your reality. Your thinking is a mechanism to translate information. Thinking is a tool. It is reality, but it does not create reality.
YVONNE: So in order to manifest, how do I get out of the compartment of thinking, to hook into that energy that does create?
ELIAS: You shall always, in your terms, incorporate thinking. I am not expressing to you that you do not incorporate thinking, but the key is where you direct your attention. Direct your attention to what you are choosing, for what you are choosing actually follows your direction in the moment.
YVONNE: But I chose the job and I didn't get it.
ELIAS: No, you did not choose the job, or you would be manifest in the job.
ELIAS: (Strongly) You chose NOT to be creating the job and that IS what you created. What you CHOOSE shall be what you create. You did not "choose the job." (Pause)
You THOUGHT you chose the job, but what you THOUGHT and what you DID were different, and this is what I am expressing to you as the point. What you THINK is not necessarily what you shall generate. Therefore, there is significance to turn your attention to what you are CHOOSING, what you are generating, not necessarily what you THINK you are generating.
YVONNE: Oh, that blind spot of mine! (Pause) How do you begin to see in the dark?
ELIAS: Excellent question, for you may associate the seeing with the thinking. How do you begin to see in the dark? You feel.
YVONNE: But I always thought that I led with my heart. I am a very feeling person, very feeling.
ELIAS: In relation to outside! And we are discussing...
YVONNE: Yes, and this is my block. This is my block.
ELIAS: And this is the reason I have offered you this exercise to practice.
YVONNE: The relaxing in the moment.
ELIAS: Yes, and paying attention to you in the moment and stopping the projection outside of you, outside of the now.
For, as I have stated, although this may appear quite simplistic, many actions occur simultaneously in this simple exercise. You begin validating yourself. You begin to allow yourself to become familiar with turning your attention to you, with holding your attention in the now, with becoming familiar with your energy, with noticing your choices. Many actions are occurring in this one simple action.
YVONNE: I really don't know myself, do I?
ELIAS: Objectively, you know your thinking! (Yvonne laughs) You are quite familiar with expressions outside of yourself. You are quite familiar with the expressions of other individuals, and allow yourself intuitive communications concerning other individuals' energies and expressions and choices, and you have efficiently distracted yourself from allowing yourself to pay attention to you and your choices. But the wondrousness, my friend, is that you may begin now.
YVONNE: And I fully intend to! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ah ha!
YVONNE: I mean, I know that is my mission in life at this point in time!
We have about ten more minutes or so, and I have been encouraged to ask about essences and families and aspects and things like that.
ELIAS: This is your choice. What do you want? What is your interest? (Pause)
YVONNE: I don't know. (Laughs) I don't know. I mean, I was up in Niagara and I felt like I had come home. I felt like I belonged there, so I'm thinking I'm very connected to the land. I love rocks. I LOVE rocks! (Laughing) I love birds. I loved Niagara Falls. So I kind of know that about myself.
YVONNE: So whether I'm a geologist over here, or whether I lived in Niagara as a Native American woman and washed my clothes in the river, that might have happened but all I know is that I resonated when I was there.
ELIAS: And this is significant to you.
YVONNE: Yes, it is. But do I need to know that it's an aspect, an essence, a family? I don't know.
ELIAS: Do you?
ELIAS: Need to know?
YVONNE: (Sighs) Probably not.
ELIAS: This conversation, my friend, is an exercise in itself in paying attention to you and allowing yourself...
YVONNE: My own knowing.
ELIAS: ...yes, to trust yourself and accept yourself, and create YOUR choices of what YOU want.
YVONNE: That just seems so big.
ELIAS: It is an IMMENSE freedom, and I may express to you, you are immense enough to incorporate this immense freedom.
YVONNE: No doubt! (Laughs)
ELIAS: No doubt!
YVONNE: (Laughing) I am a Leo!
ELIAS: Ah! (Chuckles) And you ARE the universe!
YVONNE: Yes! I know that! (Sighs, and a pause)
When my mother died - I do need this validated, yes or no - but my mother died, and I felt like I was there and I assisted her on some level to go. After she left, and she was still there, I kind of felt like I was being attacked on some other plane, that she actually split and her real essence went there and this thing that had been attached to her came and attacked me. I felt like it was a root of bitterness that I need to shed. Does that make sense?
ELIAS: Yes. It is quite symbolic, and I may also express to you, it is quite of your design in association with your beliefs. I may express to you that your symbology to yourself of the energy of your mother moving to another expression is correct and accurate, and what you recognized as another energy which remained is also symbolically accurate, for it is an energy deposit within your physical dimension. This is quite common. In actuality ALL individuals create this action of continuing to express an energy deposit within this physical dimension, regardless that they are disengaging from this physical dimension.
Now; the significance in this is that in your recognition of the energy deposit, you created another action. You associated with the energy deposit and created an experience within yourself, even to the point of physical experience, in relation to your beliefs and the association of your knowing of her beliefs and you assuming what you perceive to be her beliefs.
Now; this aspect of the experience is your creation. This is not an attack of the energy that has been deposited. It is your recognition of that energy, and you creating another energy and thrusting that energy at yourself. This is directly associated with your perception of her and of you in relation to her, and that you are deserving of this, not deserving in positive manner.
This is another example to pay attention to what you create in association with your beliefs, and how you discount yourself and how you do not acknowledge your worth, your genuine value, and the judgments that you place upon yourself. (24-second pause)
Whatever may have been expressed in your perception by this individual toward you in judgment in physical focus is not expressed outside of the association of this physical focus.
YVONNE: I believe that.
ELIAS: It is merely the judgment that you express within self.
YVONNE: Like Marj was saying, she's a recovering Catholic. (Laughs) I mean, I see that all mixed up in that. I'm a recovering Catholic also. Just the unworthiness about ... you beat yourself and...
ELIAS: And shall you offer yourself permission to stop?
YVONNE: Yes. It's certainly long overdue. (Elias chuckles)
One last thing? I feel, even now after talking, that I'm very tired. I'm just very tired. I don't have enough energy it seems, and can you help me? (Sighs and laughs)
ELIAS: My friend, this exercise also shall be helpful in this expression. It is not surprising that you are experiencing tremendous fatigue. You have been holding to your energy field so VERY tightly for so VERY long, in your terms. This may be quite exhausting.
YVONNE: It is.
ELIAS: It is much easier to relax your energy and allow. It requires much less energy to express in this manner than to create tension.
YVONNE: But it's like almost a forgetfulness. I can't remember how to be ... and it's like cellular memory. It's like, "Hello, wake up. Let's remember!"
ELIAS: This is the reason that you shall incorporate this OBJECTIVE exercise, to familiarize yourself once again.
YVONNE: (Laughs) I'll do that!
ELIAS: And in this time framework, in relation to what we have been discussing, if you are incorporating fatigue in the moment, allow yourself permission to choose to respond. Allow yourself to recognize what you want: "I am experiencing fatigue. I must be continuing interaction in this present now, and incorporating this action and that action, and what do I want in this moment? I want to be incorporating restfulness and a nap." (Yvonne laughs)
Very well. You may offer yourself permission to create that. You are under no obligation to any other individual but you. (Pause)
YVONNE: (Sighs) I'll learn to take care of myself.
ELIAS: Ah. Practice, my friend.
YVONNE: Time to end?
ELIAS: Very well. I shall continue to be encouraging to you.
YVONNE: Thank you.
ELIAS: And I shall offer my energy to you also. You may allow yourself to be noticing blue energies...
YVONNE: I heard you were blue.
ELIAS: ...and you shall recognize that I am with you. I offer to you tremendous affection. To you, au revoir.
YVONNE: To you, too.
Elias departs at 3:05 PM.
©2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.