Turning Your Attention Back to You
”Turning Your Attention Back to You, in Noticing Discounting of Self”
”Beliefs About ”Substances”: Drugs and Alcohol”
Saturday, April 13, 2002 (Private/In Person)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Edward (Colleen)
Elias arrives at 11:23 AM. (Arrival time is 28 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
EDWARD: Hello! Its been a long time.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Relatively speaking! (Chuckles) And how does the adventure proceed?
EDWARD: Oh, like crap! (Laughs, and Elias laughs) Im creating good crap!
EDWARD: Im good at creating crap!
ELIAS: And you are accomplishing!
EDWARD: I succeed very well at it! (Elias chuckles) Ive got so many things I want to cover today, but first I want to ask a couple of questions about focuses, past focuses.
We had talked before about the Roman ones, and then Ive been trying to research that and trying to nail it down, because I was able to nail down all my others, the Cardinal Borghese and stuff like that. But in researching, I also realized that theres a Greek one that ties very heavily into the Roman one, because when Im reading this stuff and researching it, to me its very obvious. But I cannot nail it down. Who are they?
ELIAS: And what are you expressing to yourself in your impressions? This is the point, Colleen. The practicing in noticing and listening to your impressions is the point - not that you actually offer yourself a name, but that you offer yourself a trust in listening to your impressions.
EDWARD: Yeah, thats how I got to the idea of the Greek one. It was like I hadnt even thought about a Greek focus. I mean, I knew there was the Roman one, but as I researched it and looked for it I realized that theyre tied together. Theyre almost in succession.
EDWARD: They go in succession. I mean, like one is here and one immediately follows.
EDWARD: And I think they do the same thing, almost.
EDWARD: I think the Greek one is a philosopher (Elias nods in agreement), and the Roman one is more like a politician of sorts, but also sort of like, I almost want to say Marcus Aurelius but thats not quite right.
ELIAS: (Nodding in agreement) Similar.
EDWARD: But its in that kind of vein.
ELIAS: You are correct.
EDWARD: Its driving me nuts because I cannot feel it. The other ones I always could feel.
ELIAS: And this is the point of trusting your impressions and paying attention to your own communication that you are offering to yourself. You are not experiencing that feeling that you identify, for you have not offered yourself information in conjunction with a specific individual.
EDWARD: Ill give you that! (Both laugh) I dont like loose ends! But Im trying to think of who it would be, then. Well, well get back to that.
The other thing is, Ive had all this trauma at my place of business, where I almost got fired and I was suspended for a few days. Of course, I dont like the job so it goes back to probably creating a situation to make me move on. But Im wondering, all of a sudden Im thinking about my personal life and my relationships, that every choice Ive made recently is the wrong choice. And Im going, Well, theres no right or wrong choice. What is driving me to... Its almost like Im driving myself to experience a negativity around myself at all times. Does that make sense?
EDWARD: I dont understand it. I mean, I dont understand why Im doing this.
ELIAS: Let me offer to you, Colleen, what you are generating within your experience recently and for a time framework is a movement in the beginnings of an exercise that I have offered previously to other individuals. You are allowing yourself a movement in that exercise yourself without instruction, and this is actually quite purposeful. For in allowing yourself to pay attention to the often-ness of your discounting of yourself or your lack of trust of yourself, you offer yourself information, and you automatically turn your attention to you rather than projecting your attention outward and fixing it upon outside situations or other individuals. This is an automatic response that you create.
If you are questioning what you are creating and you deem what you create to be wrong or uncomfortable or confusing, this motivates you to turn your attention to you, which offers you more information in familiarizing yourself with you and actually generates what you deem to be a positive movement. In actuality, they are merely choices, but you do view movements and choices as positive and negative. In that context, in viewing what you are generating and identifying those creations to be uncomfortable or conflicting or not good, you offer yourself an opportunity to pay attention to yourself, [to] question your motivation, and you motivate yourself to generate other choices. Therefore, you allow yourself to recognize other choices.
Were you not to be offering yourself a continuous noticing of events and creations that you are generating that you judge and that you express are not good or that are uncomfortable, you would merely continue to generate automatic responses and not offer yourself choice.
EDWARD: I guess one of the choices that I offer that happens in this particular cycle is how much I start leaning back on - well, its been a long time - but starting to take drugs again, not drugs like street drugs but starting to take pills. I drink much more now. Obviously, to me, thats an inhibitor in certain ways because you drown things that way.
ELIAS: Not necessarily.
ELIAS: Individuals incorporate many different beliefs concerning substances.
Now; as we have discussed previously, any substance that you incorporate - ingest, so to speak - in itself has no affectingness. It matters not what the substance is. It generates an affectingness in relation to your beliefs concerning it. In itself, regardless of its ingredients, there is no affectingness; it is neutral.
Now; your beliefs in relation to the affectingness of certain substances is what influences your perception, and therefore this is what you create. You consume alcohol, and you believe that the alcohol creates a specific affectingness physically within you. You also incorporate other beliefs.
Now; what you have expressed, that this is an inhibitor or it is covering of some expression, is an alignment with one belief but not necessarily the belief that motivates you, for your choice to be consuming of this substance or other substances is not necessarily to be covering but to be exposing. For the influencing belief within YOU is that if you consume these substances you shall allow yourself more of your own free expression and not concern yourself with the expressions or the behaviors of other individuals.
Therefore, you incorporate these substances, one, for you derive physical pleasure - which is not right or wrong; it is merely a choice - and two, you do not allow yourself a genuine freedom of what you want and your expression in relation to yourself or in interaction with other individuals and incorporate an alignment with the belief that if you are consuming these substances, they shall open an avenue in which you shall allow yourself. But you also generate judgment.
EDWARD: I think the biggest problem I have is Im also very cautious with it too. I am very cautious with it. Im sure your focuses, especially Oscar Wilde, you were around a lot of drunks, and they can be loud, they can be boisterous, and they can be all kinds of things that come through; people can become violent.
But I become very guarded and I think thats because of my current other half, Frank, because he remembers everything. Something thats just thrown out there that has no real meaning, or something that just happened in the past becomes a big sticking point for him. And I cant honestly relate to him, because at times, if you honestly tell him how youre reacting to him, my reaction to his reaction, I cant be honest there or he would go insane, because he cannot... Im trying very hard to work with the idea that Im creating my own reality, so Im creating this other person and Im creating the problems that are coming back at me. But in the same sense, he exists and he is creating his reality, and he is creating his problems and his insecurities...
EDWARD: ...but he wont accept those. He cant...
ELIAS: And this matters not, Colleen, for this is not your concern.
EDWARD: No, but it is because I feel like I cant be honest. I cant go, Look, if you would accept yourself then I could accept you, and Im having trouble accepting you because theres no you to accept. Does that make sense?
ELIAS: I am understanding what you are expressing. But in this, view the mirror, for what you want in the expression of this individual is what you want in your own expression.
EDWARD: So what youre saying then is the reflection is that his being completely honest and neurotic constantly is that Im wanting to be completely honest and neurotic with him constantly, and so Im creating it coming from him.
ELIAS: View your expectation. Your attention moves outside of yourself, and you focus your attention upon him.
Now; in focusing your attention upon him, you are no longer paying attention to you, and therefore you continue to create this interaction which is conflicting and uncomfortable. You deny your choices, for you are generating an expectation that if this individual expresses this, I then may express myself; but my choice is dependent upon the other individuals choice. Therefore, you are continuously generating the role of victim to the other individual, and what is reflected to you is continuous suspicion and conflict and reinforcement of your expression of victim.
EDWARD: I do victim really good! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Now; the point is to be turning your attention to you and generating a freedom in your expression which shall move your attention and alter your perception, which shall alter the interaction which occurs. For you are not directly in physical expression interacting with this individual; you are interacting with this individuals ENERGY, and YOU generate the physical manifestation of this individual.
Therefore, it is entirely within your power, in clear simplistic terms, to actually alter the expression of the other individual by altering your perception, and the manner in which you alter your perception is to move your attention to you - not project to the other individual. And in moving your attention to you, recognize the moments in which you allow yourself a freedom of your expression.
If you engage consumption of substances, you may perceive yourself partially to be guarded, but also you generate an expression within yourself of allowance. In this, you shall allow a freedom of what you want and what you choose to express, and in this, within yourself you express to yourself, It matters not, and you also offer yourself a further expression of allowance, for if the other individual is not accepting of what you are expressing, you may justify and you may communicate that you are not incorporating control. The substance was influencing of you.
EDWARD: Oh no, I dont do that. I mean, I know what youre saying.
ELIAS: Inwardly - I am not expressing that you may incorporate this in actual verbal communication with the other individual.
EDWARD: Oh, I see what youre saying! I gotcha, I gotcha. I guess we would all do that. When you were just talking about accepting and that it just matters not, I was having a conversation with a person and we were talking about that, that in the bigger picture nothings real anyway, nothing matters anyway because its all made up. I mean, once we have the initial act of creation going, theres no real creativity. Nothings real, so to speak.
ELIAS: But it is quite real.
EDWARD: How? How could it be real if were all just ... if it doesnt matter?
ELIAS: It is quite real. You merely misunderstand the exploration. Your beliefs suggest to you that you have manifest within this physical dimension to explore the physical dimension.
EDWARD: Thats wrong?
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! In YOUR terms. No, you have chosen to be participating in a physical dimension in a physical manifestation to explore YOU in a physical scenario, for this is what consciousness generates continuously, in every area of consciousness, in every manifestation, in every aspect, physical, nonphysical - it matters not. In any dimension, this is the action of consciousness: continuously folding inward, exploring of itself and therefore expanding itself, continuously generating expressions of creativity to expand and to explore, therefore continuously creating.
You are not creating a different action merely that you are physically manifest within this physical dimension. This is the point, and within this time framework as you choose to be manifest within the movement of this shift, you are allowing yourselves an objective recognition. Individuals throughout your world express what you identify to be the universal question: Why am I here? What is my purpose?
EDWARD: To annoy you! (Laughs)
EDWARD: Im not doing very well at it!
ELIAS: If this is the point, you are not succeeding! (Laughs)
EDWARD: I know! See, because I only create crap! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: In this, the point of your manifestation, what you are recognizing now in this shift, is you are incorporating an objective awareness of what you naturally generate, what you are. But you are quite familiar with a particular expression of energy and a particular modality of perception, which is to be projecting attention outwardly.
EDWARD: Modality? Thats a great word. (Laughs) Yeah, well, its so hard...
ELIAS: I am quite understanding of the challenge and the difficulty in turning the attention, for many times you do not even recognize that you are projecting your attention outwardly.
You express to yourself if you are paying attention in the now that you are paying attention to yourself. Not necessarily. You may be paying attention to what is occurring in the now, but you may not necessarily be paying attention to you and what you are generating. Your attention moves outward to other individuals.
Now; as to the incorporation of substances and your concern, this also is worthy of your attention, for you also incorporate beliefs that this action may be harmful.
EDWARD: Well, its bad for the skin.
ELIAS: In your perception, within your beliefs. But you do incorporate an alignment with these beliefs, and therefore your likelihood of creating those expressions or manifestations is considerable.
EDWARD: I can understand that really a lot, because theres certain things that I know sound bizarre because Ive told people before. There was the AIDS epidemic, and all my partners except for one have been HIV positive, and Ive always had unprotected sex, and Ive never gotten it because I just refuse to get it. I decided, I dont know why, but I will not get that. Its just like smoking and lung cancer - Im not going to bother with it. And I dont know how...
ELIAS: And these are choices, and you recognize that these are choices.
EDWARD: I know! I realize that theyre choices and theyre very dynamic choices. I have no doubt in them whatsoever, and I wonder why in other areas I cant...
ELIAS: You can, but it requires, in your terms, you choosing and paying attention to yourself and trusting the knowing within yourself.
In relation to those manifestations that you have expressed, these are both physical manifestations that you would generate. Therefore, they are not necessarily, within your perception, a manifestation that involves another individual. Even in the incorporation of the beliefs that one disease is transmitted from one individual to another, your awareness within yourself KNOWS that you would be or would not be creating that and choosing that. Even within the beliefs that a substance would be creating, a cigarette would be creating another disease, you KNOW within yourself that this would be YOUR creation and you do not doubt this.
But in other situations you continue to incorporate this perception that you are co-creating with other individuals. You are creating some of your reality and they are creating some, for they are affecting of you.
EDWARD: And its very hard. I read one of the transcripts where you talked about the thing about the cars and all that. Its a good analogy, where you watch the cars and the people. The two of you dont see the same car; even though you can both maybe describe it the same, you still didnt see the same car. Its really hard for me to let go of that particular belief system that the other people arent helping me create my own reality.
ELIAS: And this is not a situation of letting go. It is merely recognizing that you do incorporate that belief...
EDWARD: Well, I do recognize that belief. I do recognize that I incorporate it and...
ELIAS: ...and accepting that and its existence, and moving to the next step of allowing yourself to choose.
EDWARD: But then again, you have to start trusting your choices, and right now, I guess thats one of the things thats happening right now is Im not trusting my choices, because I feel my choices have been, like we were saying before, wrong or not beneficial. And the other side of it, you have to look at it, of course, they CAN be beneficial because theyre bringing you to this point where youre going, Well, this isnt working. So thats why you made this choice, to see what didnt work so you can make a choice to see what does work.
But its very hard to accept that during the whole process. Because again I was thinking about... We were talking about the physical form. We generate this physical form thats really nothing more than a really sophisticated combustion engine that has to be mobile. It intakes things and it expels things. Like what you were saying, the substance doesnt matter, but we ... its interesting that this is the way that we chose to express physical form.
And I get the idea when you talk about other dimensions and other things that there are other expressions of physical form. This is the one that Im with right at the moment. They were telling me, they were reminding me that you had already told me this was my final focus and I remember that ... Im going to kill myself anyway! (Laughs)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! In a flair!
EDWARD: In a flair! With a nice pair of shoes on! (Both laugh)
But its hard for me to imagine it. I mean, its hard for me to consider... Why bother, almost? Its like this whole struggle, and I mean not just our personal struggles, but when you look out, like if you look out there, the mirror - which everything is the mirror, right, in a sense that everything is a reflection of our creation of reality - and Im looking out there at the Middle East, and Im looking at what just happened on September 11. Youre looking at all this stuff and going, Jesus! Were not making a very good picture here! This is like a Picasso painting instead of a Monet! And I dont understand, Im literally at a loss sometimes and I...
ELIAS: Ah, but they are both artworks.
EDWARD: Oh, yeah, this is definitely a piece, so to speak. But Im almost lost in the whole thing. I almost feel lost in the whole thing now. Its like I feel like everything has run away from me and Ive lost any ability to control it, and thats a bad thought because why should I be controlling it?
ELIAS: Ah, but you are offering yourself information, for you are allowing yourself the experience in that feeling of the lack of control, and therefore you are allowing yourself to shift in what you value. Control is merely a belief. This IS an illusion.
EDWARD: Yeah, I see that. I mean, I really do. Its like the control is ... like you almost need to just cast yourself on the waters and just flow, you know? And that goes back to the trust...
ELIAS: And acceptance.
EDWARD: And acceptance. I guess in certain ways Im more accepting of myself than I was, but I still...
ELIAS: And I am acknowledging of that.
EDWARD: Yeah, but I dont like myself very much, and I find it interesting that other people can. Does that make sense? I mean, its like other people think youre okay, but... I dont know; I really dont know. Im so confused with it all right now.
That was the other thing. I was very suicidal for a while, and probably the only reason why I didnt do anything about it, strangely enough, is my parents. It would probably kill my parents, you know? And Im going, Oh, thats an interesting door-stopper! (Elias chuckles) But Im sure that Ive done that in the past. Thats probably one of the ways Ive disengaged in the past.
EDWARD: Im sure everybody has. All essences have at one time or another taken a leap off of something.
ELIAS: To incorporate that experience and to offer an objective recognition that this is not the solution that they anticipate it to be.
EDWARD: Well, no, I dont guess it is.
ELIAS: Where you move, you are. (Laughs)
EDWARD: Always so Elias! You think youre so funny! (Elias laughs)
ELIAS: And I view you to be quite humorous also! Ha ha ha!
EDWARD: Its like Ive always felt, and I know that weve shared the focus of Oscar Wilde, but other than that Ive always felt a weird connection to you. Ive never really explored it. I mean, Ive thought about it before a little bit, but Ive always felt theres a different connection. Even when were in group sessions, theres a certain different connection between you and me than there are with other participants a lot of the time.
EDWARD: Where does that come from? Is it just a long-time exposure to each others essences, or...? (Elias nods) It is? Just that?
ELIAS: There is no separation, my friend. It is a familiarity, a recognition of that familiarity of energy expression and similarity in preferences.
EDWARD: Oh yeah, I agree with that. (Elias laughs) Were both sick puppies in certain ways! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Ah! And perhaps eventually you shall view yourself humorously also, and be acknowledging of yourself of these types of choices, and recognize the fun in these types of choices also. Perhaps drama may be viewed as not so very negative but interesting in its expression of fun.
EDWARD: Thats a good point. Thats a really good point, because I think back on a lot of things that have happened in my life getting here, and at the time they didnt seem that great. But now you look back and theyre funny as hell! When I think about it and I tell people some of the things that have happened, they go, Wow, youve had such an interesting life! Youve done this; youve done that, and Im going, Oh, I guess I have, in a way.
ELIAS: Which is a reminder to yourself.
EDWARD: The point that I got to get to is being able to accept it when its happening, the drama thats happening right now in my relationship, the drama thats happening in my job. Because I am the drama queen, or you know, King Tut never leaves! (Elias laughs)
I like the job search, I want to find another job, and I have feelings of inadequacy in finding another job, so thats going to prevent me from getting a good job because Im not believing in myself, correct?
EDWARD: Youre supposed to be more supportive now. (Laughs)
ELIAS: I shall suggest that you attempt to generate supportiveness within you. You concern yourself quite often with the perceptions of other individuals and allow other individuals to dictate to you your choices, for you are devaluing your expression. This is the point in our discussion with which we began. For in certain time frameworks you DO allow a free expression of yourself and you DO express within yourself in moments, It matters not. These are MY choices and I offer myself the freedom to be expressing of them. But within other time frameworks, you do not.
EDWARD: Well, on a little different subject here, when we talk about the other eight of me running around, the eight parts of my essence, we discussed that before... Recently when Vicki passed, it came about that she was also sharing an essence with George Harrison or he was part of her essence - Im not quite sure Im phrasing it right - and they disengaged very close together. If I disengage, does that mean that the other essences disengage also?
ELIAS: The other focuses.
EDWARD: The other focuses. Yes? No? Or yes?
ELIAS: They shall also disengage, or they may choose to be fragmenting and generating a new essence which allows for the continuation within physical focus. But those focuses of your essence that are not choosing to be disengaging or to be continuing within physical focus shall not continue to be aspects of your essence any longer.
Now; be remembering that as the designated final focus disengages, this is a position. There is one focus of attention which you as essence designates as a position, a pivotal expression, a signal, so to speak, to engage or disengage. One is a beginning focus; one is a final focus. As the beginning focus engages, all focuses engage, not merely within that one time framework.
EDWARD: Right, because time is simultaneous, everything is happening at once.
ELIAS: Correct. Therefore, as a designated final focus disengages, all focuses of that essence disengage, for the attention of the essence is moved and is not focused any longer within that particular physical dimension.
EDWARD: Have I encountered any of my other focuses, current focuses?
EDWARD: No, I didnt think so. I think I would know. Just something with me, I just think I would know.
Back to the beginning thing about the Greek and the Roman thing, where the first focus is King Tut and the focuses in between... To me, those two are the ones that set the stage for some of the core beliefs I take through all the focuses. Thats why Im so interested in the fact that I cant nail them down, because the Rommel focus, even the focuses that are in between that are not important focuses, that died of the plague ... I know I died in a rice patty. I mean, theres certain things I just know; I see them in my head to an extent. But theres certain noble morality things, which arent real necessarily anyway, but theyre belief systems that I hold that start with those two people and they run through all of them. I have this feeling...
ELIAS: It is a theme.
EDWARD: Yeah! Yeah, thats it! I have this feeling that its this great theme running that starts with those two. Those two set the stage for that. Especially the Cardinal Borghese one that will come later. He changes the Catholic Church along those themes. Hes part of the Counter-Reformation, and he is the one that really goes after these ideas of morality and enforcing, which creates its own problems, of course. (Laughs and Elias laughs) Im just a problem child!
But thats why Im so confused that I cannot put my finger on those two. I cant hear the message that Im trying to give myself. Although the message that Ive had recently because of all the problems is the anxiety attacks that have been overwhelming at times, almost like choking, cant breathe.
ELIAS: And what are you communicating to yourself?
EDWARD: That Im hating my choices. Thats the only thing I can think of. Usually I get them when I have to go to work or something like that. I hate going there and I dont want to be there now because of what I created there, which is good because its to move me forward. I wouldnt have moved forward without this. And thats the only thing I can think of. Im like gasping for air almost; Im like suffocating from the choices Ive made.
ELIAS: For you are forcing energy in the moment to continue generating those choices. You choose in each moment, my friend. You do not generate a choice which is ongoing; you continuously choose in each moment.
Each day that you choose or that you do generate the movement in this particular employment, you are choosing that expression, and in choosing that expression you are generating an emotional communication. The emotional communication is expressing to you that although you are choosing this action, you are simultaneously denying yourself the viewing of other choices, for what you are choosing is an automatic response rather than the allowance of freedom. You are not choosing what you want; you are choosing what you expect.
But this offers you information. For if you are not viewing what you are actually creating, what you are actually generating, what you are doing, if you are not noticing and recognizing and allowing yourself a clear identification, you shall not motivate yourself to OFFER yourself freedom. You shall merely continue to be expressing automatic responses.
Therefore, pay attention to your communications. You are not generating anxiety attacks; no expression is attacking you. You are generating tremendous anxiety and physical manifestations in association with that in an extreme expression of emotion. All of the feelings are signals that you are attempting to gain your attention with, but the communication is not the feelings. There IS a communication, and your desire to be trusting and accepting of yourself has become so very great, figuratively speaking, your communication is shouting to you.
EDWARD: But when we were talking about paying attention to yourself, sometimes I get confused about that. I understand what youve said earlier about sometimes you think youre paying attention to yourself but youre projecting outward.
Im thinking about the discussion I had - well, I didnt have; I had AT me - I was sitting there trying to eat my egg sandwich. I was creating reality of food and somebody else was creating their own reality over there. It made me uncomfortable, and Im thinking, Well, I wouldnt mind stopping off and having a drink on the way home because I have a little bit of a hang-over. Is that avoidance, or am I paying attention to myself? What I would like to do is do this thing. This is what I would like to do, sounds good to me. So is that...?
ELIAS: Pay attention.
EDWARD: Am I paying attention at that point?
EDWARD: Or am I projecting outward? See, I get confused when one is happening and the other.
ELIAS: In the moment that you are expressing to yourself, This is what I want, and you allow yourself to follow that want and create it, you are listening to yourself. This is the point [to] which we continue to return, that you may allow yourself an objective recognition of what it is that you are actually doing, that you are generating, what it is that you are actually creating.
You incorporate a preference of sensation that you generate in relation to this substance. This is not wrong or bad; it is a preference. All essences, all individuals incorporate preferences. But you also generate beliefs concerning preferences, and many times those preferences that generate pleasure within you each, you express to yourselves judgments that they are bad, regardless of what the expression is.
Some individuals incorporate food as a preference and generate pleasure, some with sexual activity, some in physical exercising, some in substances - it matters not. They are merely preferences that you allow yourselves to generate a physical sensation of pleasure, which is a natural expression of essence, pleasure. You incorporate a physical dimension, a physical manifestation; therefore your draw is to be generating physical pleasure in some manner.
Now; but you also incorporate beliefs that express to you that physical pleasure is bad. It is merely acceptable in certain situations. There are conditions. Therefore, you limit your allowance and your choices. But that is one aspect of influence.
Within you, the draw to incorporate this action is the desire to listen to you and to allow yourself an avenue in which you do not limit your expression, in which you allow yourself a freedom. This is what you are seeking. It matters not that you incorporate a substance in that allowance. You may or you may not; that is not the point. The point is your desire to be freely expressing yourself without limitations, without hindrance, without judgment.
EDWARD: The without judgment part is real important. I see that its very difficult because not only are we so busy judging others, were so busy judging ourselves, which is probably the basis of how we judge the others. Its like you said, its an automatic response.
ELIAS: Yes. But as you continue to allow yourself to recognize these automatic responses, you also allow yourself to view choices.
EDWARD: It becomes almost very Buddhist, in a sense. I mean, not in the sense of theres karma and theres levels and the whole idea of right view, right attitude, right living, but just the whole idea of having the view of you that youre living by and that moves you forward and moves you back to yourself. I think thats the whole point of the eight tenets of Buddhism, which are all about basically recognizing yourself. And like every teacher that comes along, he gets screwed over by his disciples (laughs and Elias laughs), and he becomes some sort of big fat guy and you can rub his belly. (Elias laughs) Hes probably laughing about that still, wherever he is today, although Im sure hes disengaged.
Of course, my obsession with religion in general is all about the search for that perfect view. Thats all it is; thats what mankinds obsession with it is.
ELIAS: The folding in of you.
EDWARD: Thats why I get so confused with the modern Muslims. If you read the Koran, most of the time theres this guy talking about the beauty of living correctly and the peaceful views and all this; and how they end up blowing themselves up along with other people, its like fascinating. I guess the point goes there, like when we were talking before about creating our realities and everything, its hard for me to fathom that I would be sitting in a restaurant creating the reality that I want to be blown up. (Elias coughs and continues to cough for several seconds) Did that choke you up?
Are you okay? (Mary returns at 12:24 PM.)
MARY: I did it again!
EDWARD: What happened? Do you need water?
MARY: Im having a hard time holding. (Drinks some water) I keep doing this; Ive been doing this for the last two and a half weeks.
EDWARD: What happens?
MARY: I get wobbly in the energy. Its changing and its different. Im not acclimated to it yet, and I keep popping myself out. I keep making him cough and then I pop out again, because its like I cant...
Im not doing it every single time, and Im noticing that when I do, theres some different kind of an energy thing going on between the person and Elias. Its like the person is somehow, I dont know, maybe theyre wider or theyre more open, and its pushing into the energy exchange between us. I feel like, Whoa! Oh, god, okay, another energy here! and I feel like Im going to knock out, and I do. You know how I talked about being in that wave and trying to stand in that wave and just hold in it? Its like another wave is coming and Im getting knocked on my butt and Im going, Oh! Okay!
All right. What time is it? Oh, so you have about ten minutes more, huh?
EDWARD: If you can do it. Can you?
EDWARD: He could pop in to say good-bye.
MARY: All right. Thats not Elias fault; thats just totally me. Im just having a hard time holding.
Okay, going back! Sorry for the interruption! (Laughs)
EDWARD: It was sort of cute! I think it was really funny because I choked Elias up! I choked him up.
Elias returns at 12:26 PM; return time is 12 seconds.
EDWARD: Hi! (Elias laughs) You scared me for a minute. You might not be here, but Marys still here. (Elias chuckles)
We were talking about creating the reality of having yourself blown up. Its one thing to have a belief system, and I do basically believe. Its very strange. When youre saying it, I believe it about drinking, so you have a point there too. (Humorously) I hate you!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Liar!
EDWARD: I know! I feel it more then, at that point. Youre right, I allow myself to express the fact I AM creating this, and I get mad at myself because Im not creating... I feel why am I creating something more positive for myself. We were talking about the positives and the negatives, even though there isnt a positive and a negative. Its that we have our belief systems and that we are in this physical form.
Its easy at times to imagine, yes, Im creating my reality. Its when you see people being blown up and all that, that theyre choosing to disengage that way, but I guess it doesnt matter, right? What difference does it make?
ELIAS: Correct. It matters not. And view the beliefs of these individuals and how they may view you.
EDWARD: Well, as long as they dont come over here, I dont care! I just wont eat at a restaurant in Tel Aviv! No, youre right. But the other part of that is I have to stop worrying about that because then I dont pay attention to myself.
ELIAS: I am understanding. What I am expressing to you is that as you allow yourself to examine your perception and the judgments that you express in relation to other individuals choices, as you turn your attention and allow yourself to recognize other types of perceptions in relation to other beliefs or the same beliefs expressed in different manners, you allow yourself the recognition genuinely of the lack of right and wrong - for those individuals view themselves to be right and you to be quite wrong. They view themselves to be holy; they view you to be vile. They view your choices to be vile. But you view some of your choices to be an expression of your preferences and not wrong and their choices as wrong.
EDWARD: The only choice of theirs I think is wrong is blowing themselves up with other people. Other than that...
ELIAS: But these are their choices.
EDWARD: Yeah, thats a big one. Thats a big choice. Other than that, Im very accepting of their belief systems that they want to hold. Other than physical violence, other than that, Im always very accepting of other peoples beliefs systems they want to hold. But I guess that goes back to how ... I wonder how physical violence got started to begin with. Who picked up that first stick? (Elias chuckles) And dont tell me it was Cain or Abel!
The whole thing is that if Im creating my whole reality and I look out there and the mirror is so confusing, then I guess it reflects back about how confused I truly am. If we en masse werent as confused, one would have more of a Monet than a Picasso going on.
ELIAS: Or perhaps a combination.
EDWARD: I dont know, maybe. Youve got all kinds of things, but I guess its a reflection of the confusion that we feel about ourselves.
EDWARD: Its a very uneasy feeling.
ELIAS: And generating comparisons such as the Monet and the Picasso; comparisons are quite discounting.
ELIAS: In comparisons you generate discounting of other individuals and discounting of yourself. You are measuring yourself to expressions outside of yourself, and you are expressing genuinely the better, the worse, the good, the bad. This is the action of comparison.
EDWARD: That makes sense. I see that now. I wasnt thinking of it in that way; I was thinking of it more like apples and oranges. But youre right, you end up going, if youre comparing apples and oranges, one of them is not right and one of them is right. I guess the thing I better take away from it at this point is Ive got to pay attention to myself and create the reality I want.
ELIAS: Yes, and trust that you do hold the ability to generate this, for you do. The most significant action that you may incorporate now, Colleen, is genuinely to pay attention to you, to allow yourself to notice in the moment that you are projecting your attention outwardly and focusing it upon a situation or another individual and not paying attention to you. For as you allow yourself to continue noticing as you generate that action of projecting your attention, you shall begin offering yourself permission to choose to pay attention to you. The point is, as example, not concerning yourself with Tynes behaviors or choices or expressions, but turning your attention to you and examining your choices or your denial of your choices. This is a tremendous challenge.
EDWARD: What do you mean by the denial of my choices?
ELIAS: Many times what generates the conflict within you is that you deny your choices; you deny your expression in freedom; you hold to your energy.
One example in, shall we say, hypothetical scenario: you may be incorporating interaction with your partner, and what is being generated is what you perceive to be accusation from your partner concerning your behavior. In a particular scenario, you may express an aloofness and a camouflage that you are not paying attention and that it matters not. In actuality, you are generating frustration, which is a communication, for you are not allowing yourself to be expressing what you want.
Your partner expresses skepticism or accusation of your attention, that you offering attentions to another individual and not your partner, and this is generating suspicion. And perhaps you respond with, I am merely expressing myself. I am not generating any interest in other individuals. It matters not, and not necessarily generating an expression of anger but turning your attention, and within you, without thought, what you are generating is an expression of energy: I do not care; I shall not pay attention. What you are not paying attention to is you.
What you have generated is an expression of your partner in reflection of you. You are not paying attention to you, not that you are not paying attention to your partner. You are jealous of you, of your own attention which you do not offer yourself, and you create the reflection in the expression of your partner.
EDWARD: It seems like thered be easier ways. Couldnt I write myself a note? (Laughs)
ELIAS: And would you pay attention?
ELIAS: No. (Laughs)
EDWARD: Of course not! Im not paying attention now!
ELIAS: Ah, but you are beginning. Ha ha ha ha!
EDWARD: Yeah. Yeah, I am.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) I shall continue to offer you energy. I shall express my energy with you in encouragement and helpfulness as you continue to practice paying attention.
EDWARD: Okay. Im going to need some help with that.
ELIAS: Very well. It is freely offered to you.
EDWARD: Well, thank you. Id just like to know how these things get to where they are. I guess its all a learning experience, isnt it?
ELIAS: Not! (Laughs)
EDWARD: Not! Youre so mean!
ELIAS: It is an exploration.
EDWARD: An exploration - its the same thing! (Elias chuckles) Semantics can get in the way of things.
ELIAS: Ah. (Chuckles)
EDWARD: Well, theres a lot to take away from this, cause while we were talking I realized why I was still at my job. The situation there is messed up and what I really want to happen is I want to fix that situation so that when I leave theyre going to realize what theyve lost, what theyve truly lost. Theyve lost the person who could take care of it. Its almost like, Nyah, nyah, nyah! So thats why Im still there. Because I was going to just quit and look for a job. If I didnt have a job, Id force myself to, you know? But I havent done that.
ELIAS: Now; in the trust and genuine acceptance of yourself, you shall not concern yourself with the perceptions of other individuals or their loss.
EDWARD: Yeah, well, thats what I want at the moment. (Laughs, and Elias laughs) So thats a step in the right direction!
ELIAS: Ah, the vengeance is sweet, is it not? (Laughs)
EDWARD: Oh, yes! And best served cold!
ELIAS: Ha ha! And this is the expression of preference that we incorporate together, the pleasure! Ha ha ha!
EDWARD: Yes! Places where we both have our sick puppy moments!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! It is merely a choice, my friend!
EDWARD: Its just a choice, and it happens to be mine at the moment! (Elias laughs) But thats just it, once I can get more in touch with the idea that these ARE my choices, that its my choice at the moment, then I can hopefully, once I accomplish this choice that Im making, that I can move on to my next choice, that I can continue making my choices and I can continue dealing with myself. But I mean, thats important to realize whats happening there.
EDWARD: When you were talking about the relationship, it was like at some point Im going to have to basically express myself verbally out there, which is going to create a whole host of problems.
ELIAS: Not necessarily. It shall create a host of problems if YOU generate that.
EDWARD: Well, I dont know. Thats why I have a problem with this whole thing. I think hes doing it good, generating himself, but well see, well see!
ELIAS: And this is not your concern!
EDWARD: No, its not, but I might be the one that gets hit in the head with the frying pan!
ELIAS: That shall be your creation!
EDWARD: Oh! Yeah, but...
ELIAS: (Laughs) And round and round and round you spin! Ha ha ha!
EDWARD: Oh God! Now Im choking! (Laughing) Youre an evil little elf, Elias!
ELIAS: Of course!
EDWARD: Yes. (Elias chuckles) Thats what we share. Well, I should let you go or Mary will get mad at me.
ELIAS: Very well.
EDWARD: I dont want to. I miss you a lot. I wish that we could have more contact with you.
ELIAS: And you may generate that also. This is your choice. (Chuckles) I offer, as always, my tremendous affection to you, my friend.
EDWARD: Me too.
ELIAS: And I shall be anticipating our next meeting...
EDWARD: Thank you very much.
ELIAS: ...in less physical time framework. (Chuckles)
EDWARD: Well, lets hope to meet before then!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! To you, as always, my dear friend, au revoir.
Elias departs at 12:44 PM.
(1) See , 1/14/01.
©2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.