Wednesday, February 7, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carmen (Tirza).
Elias arrives at 1:24 PM. (Arrival time is 19 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

CARMEN: Hi, Elias!

ELIAS: (Chuckling) How shall we proceed this day?

CARMEN: Well, I have some inquiries.

ELIAS: Very well.

CARMEN: First of all I'd like to discuss, in our last conversation we talked about the rage, boredom and depression that I create to communicate with myself. And I do think that I am accomplishing some, in terms of changing my perception of situations to manipulate my emotions better, but I still do create these unpleasant feelings on occasion.

Now when I do this, I believe that the message I'm giving to myself is that I'm craving something in my life that will hold my attention in a more pleasant or joyful manner. I have tried to relax my focus and allow myself to think of things I can do to make myself feel better, and I do get ideas, most of them having to do with painting, drawing, photography or music, and I have spent some time doing these things but for the most part they haven't given me the challenge or the satisfaction that they have in the past. And the more effort I make to do these things so that I'll feel better, the emptier the activities feel.

Now, I don't think that I'm questioning my talents and using that as a block, because I actually think I'm feeling better and have more faith in my artistic abilities than I ever have. But my question is, when I feel so bored and despondent, am I misinterpreting the message I'm giving to myself so that I'm not correctly identifying what will satisfy me?

ELIAS: Ah, I may express to you, yes, you are correct. For what you are engaging is the signal, which is your identification of the feeling, and in this you are partially allowing yourself to recognize that there is a communication in that emotion, and therefore you are partially allowing yourself to explore what you are creating in that moment and what the emotion is communicating to you; but you are merely partially interpreting the message.

Now; in this, I express to you great acknowledgment that you have moved yourself into the recognition that these emotional expressions are not reactions and that they are, in actuality, communications that you are offering to yourself. But this is an unfamiliar direction of identification, and therefore you have begun an action of practice in the listening to the communication, but in that practicing you also are not engaging the communication to its fullest extent, so to speak, for your direction of movement in relation to the emotional communication is to be doing some action.

Now; this is the familiar response to emotion being a reaction. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, you are, in your terms, half moving into a new identification and definition of emotion, and half continuing with the familiar identification and definition of emotion. Understand, emotion is never a reaction. It is a communication from your subjective awareness to your objective awareness, which is expressing precisely what you are creating within the moment.

Now; in recognizing that these emotions are communications, you identify the signal and you attach a term to the signal or the feeling, such as anxiety or restlessness, and in that, now you may allow yourself to be recognizing what you are communicating to yourself concerning what you are creating in that moment.

In this, as you seek to be doing or creating an action in response to the communication, many times - although not always - but many times what you are in actuality moving into is an association that there is some element of your reality that is not right within that moment, and in that association you move yourself in the direction of fixing, for you further the association of "not right" into an identification of broken.

Now; the first association, in your physical terms, that some element of your reality is not right, is in actuality closer to the movement into a genuine recognition of what the communication is. Not that there is some aspect of your focus that is not right, but there is being created in that moment an expression, an action, and an association of denial within yourself, and this is interpreted in your familiar thought process as the identification of some aspect of your reality that is not quite right, or off.

Now; in recognizing that the emotion IS a communication, as you do not receive the communication, you also continue to express and provide yourself with that communication repeatedly until you receive the message. It may not continue in a manner in which you are constantly expressing one particular emotion. It may be expressed and it may stop being expressed, and it may be expressed again in a different moment or within a different time framework, but it continues to be expressed as you continue to not receive the message.

CARMEN: Yes! (Laughing) Which brings me to really wanting to get the message! (Elias laughs)

Now, I do this all the time and I don't want to do this, but I'm thinking ... I was going to project what I thought you were going to say, and I'm not going to allow myself to do that. So what I'm thinking is, if I just relax enough, will I eventually get the message? And the other question is, is it the same message that I'm communicating with myself whenever I create these emotions?

ELIAS: Many times you are communicating a very similar message to yourself in the repetition of this particular emotional communication.

Now; this is not an absolute, and therefore do not create a thought process or an association that each time you create a restlessness or an emotional expression of anxiety that you are absolutely communicating the same message to yourself, for there are time frameworks in which you are offering yourself slightly different communications. Let me express to you, the basic message that you are offering to yourself in these emotional communications, in your terms, is generally the same, but there are different expressions of it.

Now; let me explain to you, in this, you offer yourself an emotional expression. You identify the emotion, and in that emotion there is a communication. Looking to this particular emotion that you are discussing in this now, the communication is an offering from your subjective awareness to your objective awareness that in the moment what you are creating is a denial of your choice and a lack of recognition that you hold choice. Therefore, the communication is being expressed to you identifying that in that moment you are creating an association within yourself that you cannot create what you want.

As you do not receive that message, you attempt to be quelling and overriding the emotional communication through action, that if you are engaging your creativity, the emotional expression shall discontinue, for its communication to you is to be doing. What I am expressing to you is, many times the communication is not expressing to you that you need be doing, but merely that you allow yourself to be listening and paying attention and acknowledging the message that is being communicated, and therefore allowing yourself to view that you do hold choices, for the base expression of all of these communications of this type that you are offering to yourself is that you are denying yourself choice and expressing to yourself "I cannot."

Now; as you recognize that communication, it is not necessarily creating a situation in which you must be doing, but rather that you acknowledge to yourself in actuality that this denial of choice and association of "cannot be creating what you want" is not an absolute, and that you do hold other choices. But you shall not offer the expression of choice to yourself if you do not view that what you are creating is denying choice.

CARMEN: Right; yes. Well, I can see that this is going to be a challenge that holds my attention...

ELIAS: (Laughs) Remind yourself, as you have already offered yourself an awareness of, it is not that your creativity and your expression of it is not satisfying to you or that it is inadequate in holding your attention, but that your attention is expressing a different message to you. It is not concerning your inability or your ability to be expressing your own creativity in what you identify as artistic manners, but that this is not the point.

CARMEN: Right (laughing). If it's not the point, then I'm thinking that when I'm doing my creative activities I still have the emotion because I haven't gotten the point; it's still knocking on my head.

ELIAS: You are correct.

CARMEN: So that's why the activities feel empty in those situations.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: Okay, well, as I said, that will be something that I am paying more attention to and trying to move more, because I do have a preference to avoid unpleasant feelings and I have been creating quite unpleasant feelings at times. So thank you very much for that.

ELIAS: But this offers you the opportunity to be examining your own communications and becoming more familiar with you, which is a tremendous avenue of exploration and not an incorporation of boredom.

CARMEN: Yes, it's like opening a huge door to infinity. In my life I have read quite a bit of Carlos Castaneda and one of Don Juan's sayings was, "How can you be bored? You are surrounded by eternity." And it always kind of stuck with me when I fall into or I create boredom. It's like how can I be bored, I'm surrounded by infinity!

ELIAS: You are surrounded by yourself, which is infinite.

CARMEN: Yes, and boy, I'll go on for eons and infinity exploring that. So it's just a matter of my feeling that I can open the door to allow those things in rather than blocking them. Okay, I do think that's a big issue in my life right now, so I appreciate that.

ELIAS: I may express to you, there is much movement in this time framework in which you and many other individuals are, in your terms, opening this infinite door to creating an actual relationship with self, and this action requires paying attention to self and becoming familiar.

And in this, in the manner in which you have incorporated the design of your physical reality, incorporating time in the fashion that you have designed it, this action of becoming familiar with yourself and creating a relationship with yourself incorporates a very similar action that you shall offer to another individual if you are choosing to be creating a relationship with another individual, and that expression is the incorporation of time to become familiar with another individual and their preferences, and their beliefs, and their movements, and their automatic responses, and their philosophy, and many of the aspects of them, and their behaviors and expressions. And as you do incorporate linear time - and this is the manner in which you move in creating your reality - if you are not offering that expression of incorporating time to be becoming familiar with all of the aspects of yourself, and your own expressions and your own communications that you offer to yourself, how shall you create a relationship with yourself?

CARMEN: Yes, yes. Okay, thank you very much.

ELIAS: You are quite welcome.

CARMEN: The next question still has to do with emotions, I guess. For some time now I've been creating and attracting work situations where my clients have seemed to me extremely stressed and, in conventional terms, disorganized. The problem is that I'm allowing myself to be emotionally affected by this, sometimes in extreme degrees. Now, I am choosing to continue the way I make a living because I think that it is efficient for me, and I also am realizing that I'm communicating with myself when I create this and I allow myself to be emotionally affected.

But I want to verify this with you, that I believe that I'm attracting these stressful clients - who are stressful to me, at least - because first, I have a general tendency to feel responsible for making other people's lives smoother or easier, and second because I don't believe I deserve calmer or more considerate clients.

Now, am I correct that these are the key beliefs that are creating these situations? I'm thinking about one female client in particular whose energy feels extremely chaotic to me, but it's been happening with all of my clients, so it's not just limited to my relationship with her.

ELIAS: I shall express to you once again, you are offering yourself a partial identification of what you are creating. What you are not viewing is that, yes, you are correct, you have drawn these individuals to yourself, but what they are expressing is an offering of a reflection of you.

You are turning your attention outwardly to these individuals and allowing yourself partial association with what you are presenting to yourself, that you identify certain beliefs that you hold that are influencing of this creation, but you are not yet recognizing that these individuals are all creating a reflection that you may view your expression in similar manner. The objective expression may be different.

CARMEN: Yes.

ELIAS: But underlyingly, you draw these individuals to you that you may allow yourself to view the reflection of yourself through these individuals. And this offers you information concerning yourself and what you are creating within you, and the confusion and at times the chaos that YOU experience which may be expressed in different objective manners; but within you it is quite related to this expression of anxiety that you offer to yourself and your experience of restlessness and boredom.

Boredom is not inactivity. Boredom is once again your denial of choice to yourself, for boredom is an expression that is created within your reality in those time frameworks in which you do not offer choices to yourself.

CARMEN: Okay, and those choices could involve not necessarily doing anything, but even just changing a perception to change an emotional state?

ELIAS: Not to change an emotional state, for it is not a state of being in relation to emotion. Emotion is a communication; therefore, you are not engaging an emotional "state." This is an incorrect definition. You are creating emotions as a communication to identify what you are creating in those moments.

Now; what you are creating in the expression of boredom is a momentary inability to choose. Not that you do not hold choices, but a denial or discounting of your own ability to be choosing.

CARMEN: Yes, I'm going to read and reread and practice this because it's sort of new. It's not totally new ... I guess you said that I'm moving into practice at this.

ELIAS: Correct. And in this, some aspects of this discussion objectively may be identified within you as new, so to speak, but as I have stated, you have already begun movement into this direction, and therefore there are some aspects of this information that you already recognize and hold an understanding of.

Let me express to you, my friend, many times in the experience of recognition of boredom, you, in like manner to other individuals, do recognize that you hold choices. You may even present to yourself objectively many different expressions of choices. What you are not recognizing is that you create this expression of boredom in relation to your association in that moment that you do not hold the ability to choose one of your choices or any of your choices, and this is frustrating.

CARMEN: Yes, but at least I have some direction to go and some suggestions.

Okay, my next question is just a curiosity. I'm trying to learn how to not only identify my energy but also the energy of other essences around me, so I'm curious about your interaction with me between sessions. Now, I know you communicate through the color blue, and there have been a few instances when I've opened myself up enough to see the blue; but I want to also ask you about music. I think that you've said to others that you don't communicate in symbolic imagery - for example, if someone sees a blue bird, it's the blue that's significant and not the bird.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: But there have been several situations for me when different movements of different Beethoven symphonies have popped up and it's been very meaningful. Are you participating in that, or am I creating it myself because music is so meaningful to me? I mean, I was familiar with Beethoven's music before I objectively knew about you, so the latter is very possible.

ELIAS: It is a combination of both.

CARMEN: Really!

ELIAS: There is a recognition within myself that this is an avenue of interaction and communication that I may participate within in an energy expression that you shall allow yourself to receive.

CARMEN: Yes, the operative part of that phrase is "that I will allow myself to receive." Because I do know, boy, I want to allow the communication, but I do know how defensive I am. Music is very, very meaningful to me, and I really do appreciate your participation because whenever I allow myself to see the blue or I hear the music or I see a poster of Beethoven's face, I do feel uplifted. So I just want to thank you for that.

ELIAS: You are welcome. Let me express to you, I hold an awareness of each individual's energy expression and their allowance in openness within their own expressions, and in that recognition I may express energy to different individuals through an avenue that they themselves allow a natural openness with.

CARMEN: Yes, that's nice! (Laughing, and Elias chuckles) The other question is, I've had a few times when my computer monitor has blinked - now, were you participating in that?

ELIAS: No, this is your offering of imagery to you. You are creating this action in relation to widening your awareness, and gaining your attention in the subject matter of blinking in and out within your focus and your reality.

CARMEN: Okay, that's a literal message then! (Elias laughs)

Now, on the theme of music I had a dream that I've been wondering about. I was in an auditorium watching Ralph Vaughan Williams on a stage, and he was either accepting an award or giving a speech. I know that I have at least one and very possibly more focuses in England. So, in this dream was I connecting with another of my focuses who's watching him? Even though I'd like to think that I compose music in another focus, I don't really think that I am Ralph Vaughan Williams, but I was just curious about that dream.

ELIAS: I may express to you, yes, this is an offering to yourself to be viewing briefly another focus of your essence, and I may express that you are correct that you are viewing the composition and allowing yourself to participate as a member of the audience.

CARMEN: Okay, because I did feel like I was myself, so it wasn't like I was merging with any ... or at least I didn't feel like I was merging.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: I was viewing. So that is helpful, because I haven't been ... well, I haven't really tried very hard, but I haven't been real successful in viewing my other focuses in terms of getting names or identities or even genders. When I identify my other focuses, it's usually that I get a feeling like, oh, well, I think I may have been a Samurai in Japan, or something like that. You know, I don't get individual characteristic information.

ELIAS: I am understanding. And let me express to you that in actuality the specifics or particulars concerning another focus may not hold the significance that you may associate with.

In this, the encouragement that is offered to individuals to be exploring other focuses is merely expressed that you allow yourselves the recognition that you are more than one focus of attention, and this is helpful to you each in your movement within this shift in consciousness, in dropping the veil of separation and recognizing that you are much more vast than you have allowed yourself to recognize previously.

But each individual engages this exploration of self and its vastness in their own unique expression, and what may be quite validating to one individual in allowing themselves to move into a recognition of specifics and particulars concerning other focuses may not be the attention or the direction of another individual, and one is not better than the other. It is merely an expression of your individual attention.

YOUR attention moves much more concentratedly in the direction of examining what YOU are engaging in in this focus, and exploring the vastness of yourself through the avenue of this particular focus.

CARMEN: Yes, I've felt that myself, that I'm pretty grounded in this focus. But I enjoy creating or drawing imagery to myself in this focus that reflects abilities that I'm developing in other focuses, to help me recognize, exercise and develop my abilities in this focus.

ELIAS: Correct, and this is an engagement of fun, and does offer you an expression of validation concerning your abilities in movement.

CARMEN: I have some questions about periphery experiences that I've been having for many years but I haven't really understood. The first one is that I sometimes see pools of lavender forming and moving outward from my mind's eye. Now, I think - I'm not positive - but I think that's my essence color. Would you clarify what's happening when I see that? It's almost like I'm sending out pools of my energy, of my essence energy, or like a beacon like a lighthouse.

ELIAS: I may express to you a validation in relation to your impression: in a manner of speaking, you are correct, and this once again is another offering to yourself in identification of yourself and allowing you to become familiar with other expressions of your energy.

CARMEN: Okay, we can be very busy and consciously not know that we're sending stuff out all the time!

ELIAS: (Laughs) Quite!

CARMEN: Sometimes I see other bright colors when I close my eyes, like a bright green or orange or yellow. Now, when I see your blue I know it's you because it's an unmistakable blue to me, but when I see these other colors, am I seeing my energy centers, am I seeing or experiencing other essences, or is it something else?

ELIAS: You are allowing yourself to view the dominant expression, in the moment, of your energy centers, which projects outward to your energy field, and within particular moments, one energy center may be expressing in dominance and therefore dominating your energy field with that particular color. And as that occurs, at times you allow yourself to view that dominant color, and if you are so choosing, in those moments you may allow yourself to be exploring the expression of that particular energy center within the moment and what you are creating in that expression with that vibration of energy.

CARMEN: That's really interesting because the last few days a couple of times I've seen a very, very bright green. Now, if you would have asked ... well, if I would have asked myself what was going on at that moment, I would not have consciously thought of my green energy center, so I'm going to be doing that when I surprise myself with messages like that, or am offering myself more information, because that would be interesting to me to see, explore, what I'm doing at that moment.

ELIAS: Quite, for this may be also offering you much information in becoming familiar with yourself and what you are creating in the moment. It is another expression of an avenue of communication to yourself.

I may express to you, in identification of this green that you have allowed yourself to view and experience, in those moments that you held an awareness of that particular color, that energy center was the dominant expression within your energy field, and its communication in those moments was an expression of compassion being offered by you to you.

CARMEN: Oh, that's nice! (Elias chuckles) Well, that's a good example of how I may be sensing and relaxing and trying to allow myself see how I am communicating in that particular mode. So that opens a little door for me for exploration.

Sometimes when I look at something dark or am in a dark room I see sparkling dots. Now if it's a dark room, my entire field of vision is filled with those dots. Sometimes they're individual stars and sometimes, at other times, the dots are so dense and moving so fast that it's like a blizzard. At other times they're so dense it's almost like a semi-transparent wall, so I'm wondering are these elements of consciousness, other essences, my brain activity, all three, or something else?

ELIAS: They are other aspects of consciousness and other essences that you allow yourself to momentarily view.

CARMEN: Well, they're getting brighter, so I must be moving in allowing myself to view that.

My next question is, I have an almost constant feeling of floating. Sometimes when I lie down I feel like I'm riding 20 foot waves back and forth and up and down. Now, I've thought this may be the intensity of my emotions that's having kind of a rocking effect on my body, but I do feel it even when I'm very relaxed, so I don't think that's the entire explanation. Would you tell me why I float so much of the time?

ELIAS: This in actuality is an expression of your energy. It is an actual physical display of your energy that you are allowing yourself to experience in relation to your own movement of energy and in conjunction with waves of energy that are being created through the collective expression of consciousness.

CARMEN: Okay, so it's like my movement throughout the sea of energy. It's sort of a feeling of how I'm navigating or moving within the larger consciousness energy.

ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Now; allow yourself in this moment to be recognizing all of these different expressions that you are offering to yourself in allowing yourself to identify and recognize and become familiar with your energy, which is what you have expressed to myself this day as your desire and your want to be more familiar with your energy expression and identifying that in difference to other energy expressions. Therefore, allow yourself the noticing that you are already in actuality creating many avenues of that movement to become familiar with your own expression of energy.

CARMEN: Yes, I do have that desire. I sometimes get very frustrated because I'm not creating the kind of imagery that other people are creating, or at least some other people, because I'm sure that everything I've talked about is not totally unique to me, but I do appreciate your reminding me to acknowledge that I am creating an opening, the beginnings of some openings, and it is something that is fun for me, so it does hold my attention.

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! And to be acknowledging of this and not moving yourself into the familiar expression of comparison.

CARMEN: Yes, and oh, that is very, very familiar to me, and I do catch myself sometimes and tell myself that I choose not to do that. (Elias laughs)

My next question again has to do with communicating with essences. It also ties into my frustration of not creating more objective validation that I'm doing that. I'm wondering, am I getting information intuitively from other essences that I then translate into my own thoughts? Because I think this happens, and I think this is one way that I get around my defensiveness about allowing myself to really merge with someone else's energy; but when it happens it sounds like my own voice, so I'm unaware of any energy lending or exchange. Am I doing that? I'm trying to validate to myself that, yes, I am listening to the messages that are being offered to me.

ELIAS: Yes, at times you are allowing communication between yourself and other essences. At times, it is your own communication of self to yourself. But your translation of all of these communications filters through your own voice within your own thoughts, and therefore eliminating any expression of fearfulness.

CARMEN: The other experience I have is when I feel like my entire body is vibrating. I think that Lawrence has used the analogy that she feels like her finger is stuck in a light socket, which is extremely apt. I'm wondering, am I again offering myself the objective feeling of my own essence energy?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Okay, that's helpful. Next page ... this is a phenomenon that I create with myself a lot, and that is I get phone calls where I answer the phone and the other person just hangs up. Now I don't think you do phones, so is this another essence communicating with me, or am I using my own energy to communicate with myself? And what is the message, because I've thought it may be that I'm not open to receiving information, but that doesn't totally make sense because it's the other person that hangs up, not me. Could you tell me about what's happening?

ELIAS: I may express to you that this is quite efficient imagery that you have created, and is not concerning other individuals. This imagery you have presented to yourself in relation to what we have been discussing in communications that you offer to yourself through emotion, and not receiving the actual communication.

You receive the signal, in like manner to your telephone ringing, and you may be in your physical terms picking up your telephone receiver and therefore the signal discontinues, but you are not quite receiving the message.

CARMEN: Yes, well, then I was right in my interpretation, even though I was too literal in interpreting the event. My interpretation was that I am not allowing myself to get the whole message.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: Okay. We're getting down toward the entire hour so I guess I'd like to ask a general question. Because I know how hard-headed I am - I really am aware of this - it wouldn't surprise me at all if I am overlooking issues that are creating obstacles for me. So if there is anything that you would like to suggest or make observations about, I really would like to hear.

ELIAS: I may express to you merely the suggestion that you hold your attention in the direction of emotion and reflection. Allow yourself to be paying attention to these two avenues of communication, for you are presenting these two avenues of communication to yourself quite consistently in this time framework, remembering that emotions are not reactions, and that what is presented to you through other individuals is a reflection of what you are creating within you.

Both are avenues of communication, and in allowing yourself to be paying attention to both of these types of communications, you may be offering yourself much more of a fullness of understanding and recognition of yourself, and in this, you may be quite affecting of this restlessness that you continue to be creating.

CARMEN: Okay, well, I definitely will do that, and I will try to do it in a sense of joyfulness. (Elias chuckles)

ELIAS: Ah! And playfulness!

CARMEN: Because I have a tendency to beat myself over the head with this stuff. (Elias laughs)

ELIAS: I shall express to you, you shall not assimilate or absorb the information faster by beating your head with it! Ha ha ha ha ha!

CARMEN: Yes, I think I'm finally, after many years, coming to that realization. (Elias laughs)

So, well, Elias, I want to thank you again very, very much for your insight and help. It really does help me to speak with you objectively as well as to try to accept all of the encouragement and support that you do offer to me. So I guess that's all for today!

ELIAS: And I shall continue to be offering that energy expression to you, and express to you also, you are greatly welcome. I offer to you great affection and anticipate our next meeting. To you this day, au revoir.

CARMEN: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 2:27 PM.


(c)2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.