Session 698

Relationships and Intimacy


“Relationships and Intimacy”
“Gambling on Expectations”
“The Point of the Game”

Friday, September 29, 2000-1
© 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants:  Mary (Michael) and Lynda (Ruther).
Vic’s note:  One of the reasons that Elias comes through faster than usual, and that his first comment is “Continuing!”, is because Lynda started this session, stopped it, and started it again.  For the most part, Elias only chooses to present himself like this when the energy exchange has recently been engaged ... but this is not a rule, ha ha!
Elias arrives at 11:26 a.m. (Arrival time is 9 seconds)

ELIAS:  Continuing!

LYNDA:  Good morning, Elias!  Continuing!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  (Laughing)  Can I record some game entries that I made with you in unrecorded sessions, for the record?

ELIAS:  You may.

LYNDA:  Thank you.  Mikah made a game entry with a new category — organizations, Vold, the Mafia — and he got an acceptable for that.  Is that correct?

ELIAS:  That is correct.

LYNDA:  Okay, and I placed Judaism in the religions category under the Sumafi family, and I got one point.  Is that correct?

ELIAS:  Correct.

LYNDA:  And Mary had two game entries.  One was a new category entitled “expressions of the shift,” for which you gave her an acceptable.  Is that correct?

ELIAS:  Correct.

LYNDA:  Then Mary had a second entry of sexuality in the category of “waves in consciousness connected to beliefs” under Milumet, and she got one point.  Is that correct?

ELIAS:  Correct.

LYNDA:  Okay, great.  Okie dokie.  I would like to continue with my unfolding revelations about my Mony-Nony entries.  May I proceed?

ELIAS:  You may.

LYNDA:  Okay.  As you are aware, I am moving through quite a bit of duplicity, I think, about this entry I’ve been making, and a feeling of sort of like a fear of intimacy with you, coupled with the feeling that ... because my first impression was this game name of Mony-Nony, and then our connection of Rastin and Ruther, and then the physical focus names of Elias and Ruther.

The last time we spoke, I didn’t record it, but I got mad at you and I said, “Don’t call me Ruther.  I’m not the cosmic Ruther.  My name is Lynda.”  And you said, “This is a choice and this is acceptable.”  And then I said, “...with a Y.”  After I said that, I thought about it, and I felt like the reason I did have that experience is because (sigh) I am playing this game with you — me, Lynda — and I am moving through my own obstacles and steps in giving you these impressions.  I am remembering my expanded me, and incorporating that information into me now, and I just feel like what I’m moving through is my own sort of singular stuff about my singular focus, Lynda.  I don’t want to separate myself and I don’t think I can separate myself, but I do separate myself, and so I have mixed feelings about daring to say, “Don’t call me Ruther; call me Lynda,” because I felt it wasn’t personal enough.

So, I’m expressing all of this to you because I got two impressions to change my Elias, under physical focus in the game ... all of this led to two impressions.  The first one was to change it from Elias and Ruther to Elias and Lynda.  Then yesterday, I was waking up from a nap and the name Ether floated into my head, and I laughed out loud because ether is laughing gas and ether is also a combination of our two names, and this is a mergence in this game.  So all that to say, I wanted to address to the possibility of those two name changes, or one of those two, in that section of physical focus, and then I would like to go on to ask you some more about this subdivision imagery I’m getting, okay?

ELIAS:  Very well.  I shall clarify the information which has been accepted already for you, and I shall also express to you the acknowledgment of one point in your entry of your impression, and I shall express the clarity of that also.

Therefore, first of all, the clarification of the initial entry is, the name of Mony-Nony, in the category of game names, in alignment with connecting essences, to Rastin/Ruther.  In the category of physical focus, under the heading of physically focused connecting essences, the entry is accepted of Ether/Elias/Lynda.  Is this clear?

LYNDA:  So ... excuse me one second.  Under the ... did you say Ether/Elias/Lynda?

ELIAS:  Yes.

LYNDA:  All three names?

ELIAS:  Yes. (Laughing)

LYNDA:  Or did you say either? (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Ether, which is your impression!

LYNDA:  Ether was my impression!

ELIAS:  Yes.  Therefore, you have received one point in your connection of your impression of this element, which is associated with the production of laughter, in alignment with the physically focused manifestations of Elias/Lynda.

LYNDA:  (Sighing)  I love it when I remember that I’m deep.


LYNDA:  And all of the fear and all of the years to turn into that much laughter, and this be my personal point! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  So, may I just ask you, there is a category ... I’m looking at the way that the game is set up on the first page, and I want to place Ether/Elias/Lynda in the right place.

ELIAS:  You already have.

LYNDA:  Oh, so it’s ... you’re looking at the game board because you can do that, so all I gotta do is just add Ether here, right? (Elias chuckles)  Okay, Ether/Elias/Lynda.

ELIAS:  Correct.

LYNDA:  Okay, fine.  I keep forgetting that you don’t actually need to view the game board.  You’re so efficient at being nonphysical!

ELIAS:  Quite!

LYNDA:  Boy, when I grow up, I’m gonna be just like you!

ELIAS:  HA HA HA!  And so you shall! (Laughing)

LYNDA:  Okie dokie.  Well, there is something I just read in a session that you had with beloved-to-me-although-we’ve-never-met Rodney/Zacharie. I think I feel very close to this person, and I’ve never said that before, but there, I’ve said it.  You said something that is triggering an impression of possibly what this fragmentation is in our game is here.  Does it have something to do with a type of subdivision of our empathic senses or inner senses?  And the reason I say that ... may I proceed?

ELIAS:  You may.

LYNDA:  Okay.  The reason I am saying this to you is that for the last couple of weeks since I talked to you about this game entry, I have looked for ways on this side of the veil to connect myself with you, and I’m finding that I’m trying, trying, trying very, very hard to receive you, and knowing that I’m going ... that it’s not working.  So, what always works, at least for me, is to listen to music, and I ordered some music that I just love, and I was listening to it, and in different parts of it, I pretended that you were talking to me in this music, and it caused me to become what I call very sentimental, but it also helped me to receive you, and I thought, well, this is bad, because I’m being way too sentimental with this music, because after all, it’s Johnny Mathis, and you KNOW what everybody says about Johnny Mathis — my god, sentimental slop!  But this guy’s voice is a musical instrument!

Anyway, I went off in that direction and I said, you know what?  I love Johnny Mathis and I love this music and I love this particular bunch of songs that have always been very special to me, and one in particular — My Funny Valentine.  I let you sing My Funny Valentine to me, and all those years of wanting to be my funny valentine ... knowing that I was my funny valentine sort of unfolded to me, and I let myself be my funny valentine and your funny valentine, and what it means to me is that this emotional stuff is not so black and white as I have allowed myself to view.

Anyway, all that to say, Rodney triggered it, and so let me pull it back to this subdivision family and experience and all this imagery I’m getting.  Does it tie into this at all?

ELIAS:  In relation to inner senses and the allowance of those inner senses as a facilitating action to be allowing yourself the realization of interconnectedness and what you deem to be relationship, yes.

LYNDA:  Okay.  Well, let me just take this another ... I have been looking at the stuff on relationships, beliefs about relationships, and the feeling or the connection I have with you is, it feels like ... oh boy, how do I say this?

I’m feeling like I can rest in it a little more and take it another step, and I think this is going to tie into my dream state, because I want to be able to function with you on this side of things, and make this connection with you and have fun with it, and so anyway, I guess I want to look at the belief system of intimacy, because I think that is what I am looking at.

ELIAS:  Very well.

LYNDA:  And part of my belief about that is, if I have an intimate connection with somebody, they are my friend and they know me and I know them, and we have a sort of root trust in each other.  I don’t allow very many ... and you’re nonphysical, and I don’t think, just because you’re nonphysical, that it’s that easy to have that kind of a relationship with you, because I think I’m addressing to the same intimate issues with expectations that I place on friendship.

ELIAS:  You are correct.

LYNDA:  Okay.  So that’s what I want to identify with you, because I’ve been drawing a lot of imagery this week to myself, because I do expect that kind of understanding from my relationships, and I think this is a big deal, so I wanted you to feel free to ... obviously I’m on the right track here, so will you talk some more to me about that?

ELIAS:  Allow yourself to be viewing and recognizing what you are beginning to identify in this subject matter of relationships.

In this, as you allow yourself to become intimate within a relationship, you also create an openness, or what you term to be an expression of vulnerability, which also creates a fear.  For as we have spoken many times, this triggers an aspect of association within you of exposure, which also triggers your belief in association with yourself as to worth and worthiness.

Now; in this also, allow yourself to recognize what you have expressed in your identification of expectations, for this is also a key and offers you much information.

You create outward expectations that you project to other individuals in direct relationship to self.  The expectations that you project to other individuals are the reflections of aspects of yourself that you have not allowed yourself to be accepting of within you.  Therefore, you project energy outwardly, and you create this projection in the form, so to speak, of an expectation.

Expectations are evidences and indications, in objective expression, of aspects of yourself that are not accepted or not trusted.  This is what creates the expressions of expectations.

You place expectations upon self.  You place expectations upon other individuals.  It matters not.  Each expression of an expectation is an identification of a lacking within self and an attempt objectively to be filling a void, in your terms.

You place expectations upon yourself to be holding yourself to a type of behavior that you may exhibit that shall be an outward reinforcement — in a manner of speaking, in falsehood — of your acceptance of yourself.  Therefore, it is a camouflage.

You delude yourselves.  You express to yourself that you are being accepting of self, and that you are reinforcing that acceptance of self by holding yourself to certain expectations and meeting those expectations.  I express to you, the expectation[s] in themselves are the acknowledgment of the lack of acceptance, and in this, you create the expression of energy to be reinforcing that lack of acceptance.

For essentially, in that action of creating an expectation, you create the game of gamble.  You spin your roulette wheel, and you hope in anticipation that the wheel shall stop in the fulfillment of the expectation.  But you also create the game of chance, in a manner of speaking figuratively, for it is dependent upon which direction you choose to be reinforcing within the moment.

In certain moments, you may be meeting your expectation and offering yourself the false expression of validation outwardly.  At other times, you may choose not to be meeting your expectation, which reinforces your lack of acceptance and trust of self.

You continue to bounce back and forth between these two expressions, creating the outward expressions which merely reinforce two inputs of information to you, that of thought and emotion.  Those being your most powerful inputs of information — for you hold your attention in most concentration upon these two expressions — you pay attention to the assessment of those two inputs of information, and this is what creates the false identification of validation.

At other times, you project energy to other individuals in expectation in very similar manner, to be receiving an outside validation, and as I have stated, in the association, in your terms, of filling a void in an outer manner which you do not trust that you hold the ability or capability of filling yourself.

Therefore, be mindful of this identification of expectation, for the recognition of your own expressions of expectations offers you much information in how you are grasping, so to speak, at outside expressions to be validating of you.

LYNDA:  Yeah.  It’s very difficult to write a book and not do that!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  (Laughing)  A very good example to me this week of what you just you said is, I got the impression to send my book out to three people, and I knew when I sent the book out ... I actually saw myself create the duplicity.  This is the first time I’ve actually stepped back enough to see how I narrowly saw only two ways it could go.  One to me was positive and one to me was negative, and the negative one I made myself not think about so I wouldn’t reinforce it.  I also made myself slow down and not give energy to what I wanted it to turn out to be, and I have hit at this point a sort of neutral zone, and I am not afraid, and I am turning in, and what the information was to me, I feel, Elias ... the thread of it is that I realize how unacceptable my book is to me, and how unacceptable my expression was.

In going back and looking at what I felt would be offensive parts of the book to people I was sending it to, I sort of ended up trusting my book again on another layer and relaxing about it, and trusting my acceptance of, to me, the very embarrassing behavior that I have been moving through for so long, the “gee and haw” and projecting out and having expectations and all of it that I am experiencing, and putting it into a book, and having there be a very positive interaction in the book about that validated the book to me.

I’m just saying that because it IS like a roulette wheel, in the sense that I don’t know what’s gonna happen next with the book, but I’m moving in the direction of trusting that I DO know what’s gonna happen with the book, and that I am creating what I want and what I desire in the book.  Anyway, all that to say that I am aware of that, and I wanted to tie that back into what you said, as a good example.  Is that right?

ELIAS:  Correct.

LYNDA:  Okay.  That’s great.  That’s really cool. (Elias chuckles)  It means a lot to me that I am actually doing that, and this ties in, I think, to more religious beliefs I’m looking at about authority and control, which are so pervasive, not just in religious institutions, but in our corporate structures, and in the structure of our reality period, in how we function, and how I am given to becoming afraid and backing off, becoming a servant ‘cause it’s more comfortable, and I’m feeling like in this last little “Lynda wave” of myself, I’m actually a little more relaxed about it in a new way, which I’m validating to myself.  Because it’s a lot, this fear of what other people think, or fear of repercussions of being creative, or of being yourself period.  It’s a lot to allow yourself to move through that, I think, so I take my hat off to all of us! (Laughing)

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  Anyway, I’ll just end that sermon.  Can I continue a little more here?

ELIAS:  You may.

LYNDA:  Thank you.  I want to come back to the game stuff I’m looking at, and this may specifically also tie into my pyramid imagery.  I’ve been seeing a lot of red again on my pyramid, which is an indication to me to slow down, and I’m looking at a lot of probabilities and I’m getting excited about them and I am slowing myself down, and the red is an indication of that to me.

And for about three weeks on and off, I’ve been seeing an increased amount of this deep lavender color, not dark purple but lavender, a really pretty, deep lavender color; lilac is what I keep calling it.  At first I thought it had something to do with this subdivision tone, or that this subdivision of Rose that I’m looking at is possibly this lilac color.  So, I’m looking at that, but I’m also looking at it on my pyramid as having something to do with our mergence in this game, and my crown energy center of purple, and the mergence is information I’m assimilating right now, and that energy center is being affected, or it has something to do with that.

I will also say that my neck pain has diminished.  It actually diminished when I allowed myself to go through my emotional, sentimental thing, and sort of release a lot of my worry about assimilating everything.  So that is a lot to say, so let me go back....

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  So, I’ve been feeling the red concurrently, and slowing myself down, and now this lavender/lilac color is everywhere.  The Jacaranda trees are blooming lilac, and I see a lot of lilac around me, and I feel that it has something to do with this energy exchange in this game, and in real life too, that we are doing.

ELIAS:  What you are also allowing yourself is an expression of association in terms of opposites.

Now; let me express to you, in actuality, the identification of these two physical colors are not in actuality opposites, but this is the dictate of your beliefs, and within your beliefs, they represent extremes.  This is the association that you are beginning in a recognition of, in relation to the game.

In this now, you individually are attempting movement into the incorporation of mergence of the two concepts or ideas — or it may be stated identifications — of physical and spiritual reality.

You are correct that you are offering yourself imagery in association with the color of red to be slowing your movement within certain aspects of yourself — those which may be identified as communication sources, emotion and thought — that you may allow yourself more of a clarity in viewing what you are creating and what you are connecting to, so to speak, through the listening to your impressions.

But another action that you are creating, beside this slowing, is the movement into the attempt at mergence of these two perceived opposites.

Now; this moves in association with the game also, for within the game, the identification of the essence families and colors, [as] associated with the red/Milumet, the purple/Zuli, are perceived as opposites also.  In actuality, they are not, and are quite closely associated.

Therefore, you are allowing yourself the recognition that your movement is an expression which is closely associated with the information which is exhibited within this game, which I may express to you is an aspect of what you and I have spoken of previously in relation to the layers of this game, in your inquiry to myself in relation to subdivisions of the game or the incorporation of an establishment of another game, and my interaction with you in explanation of the layers of this game and that this is the point — allowing yourselves to open to your periphery and view the representation of the physical exhibitions of the game in the identification of their limitations of categories and associations and physical entries, and all of the layers that may also be associated with the single expressions of the entries or of the game itself.  Are you understanding?

LYNDA:  Yeah.

ELIAS:  Therefore, in your continuation of movement in playing with this game and allowing yourself to be paying attention to your impressions, you are allowing yourself associations with elements of this game in other layers and associating them to your individual creation of movement.

LYNDA:  Yeah, and this be the point.

ELIAS:  Quite!  Ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  Which I agree with ... and you’re starting to listen!


LYNDA:  This is important!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  I want to thank you.  That was a very ... it’s really odd, you know.  It’s like, John used to call it walking in two realms at once, and it’s quite practical to me, but it also has with it ... it does encompass the emotional texture and quality that gives a whole new meaning to being physically focused at this time.

ELIAS:  Ha ha!  Quite, and I may express to you that you may allow yourself to move beyond merely viewing yourself as existing within two worlds, but within myriads of worlds!

LYNDA:  Yeah, right.  I forgot about that part!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  I forgot about that, and I’m so glad you said that, because it was such a huge concept, the way it was painted to us at the time I was in the church, the conjunction of two realms, the seen and the unseen, and it’s quite a bit more detailed and vast than all of that!

ELIAS:  Quite!

LYNDA:  Yeah!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  Of course, everybody’s been flying around the stratosphere beyond me, and I’m sort of like, I don’t do that.  I mean, I do it, but I sort of feel like a novice, but I also know I’m moving through a lot of religious fear stuff about sticking my big toe outside of this dimension for more than a nano-second ... but!  But I DID have an out-of-body dream that me and my cat Gilda were flying around our neighborhood, and I don’t know if you were there at the time, but it was a delightful, delightful dream, and the double Vold gentlemen that lives here in the house was in the dream, and he said, “I dare you to do it — I dare you to lift up off the floor!”  So I did!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  And then I flew off into the neighborhood, and the outside stuff ... it was nighttime.  It was early, like the wee small hours of the morning.  But Elias, the air was like sort of orange sparkly, but it was night, but it had a depth and a quality to it, the colors of the nighttime nightscape in my neighborhood, and me and Gilda were just flying around the ‘hood, and it was so fun and so nice not to be afraid, and I thought, hmm!  It might be good if I did that a little bit more!  And Leon was in the dream, and that was really fun, and I thought, Ben-Jar the Pasha is in my dream, and that’s really fun!

So anyway, I’m just saying all that to say, one step at a time here.

ELIAS:  And acknowledge yourself in the offering of your gift to yourself.

LYNDA:  Okay. (Elias chuckles)  My gift to myself?

ELIAS:  For you have offered this experience to yourself as a gift, that you may allow yourself to experience the exhibition of freedom, and therefore, you create a reinforcement of motivation within your objective waking movement.

LYNDA:  Yes.  Exactly.  Otherwise I’m gonna be sleeping 24 hours a day like my cat!

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  Yes, okay.  I get that point very well. (Laughing)  Yeah, because I physically experienced the feeling of it, so I know it’s possible, and this may tie into ... do you know what I’m saying?

ELIAS:  Quite.

LYNDA:  Yeah, okay.  That’s another whole subject, what’s going on with my little brain waves and synapses, and it’s actually too much math for me right now, so I won’t trouble you with it now, but I am moving in the direction of asking you about my ... well, can I just bring up the Codicils for a second?

ELIAS:  If you are choosing.

LYNDA:  Just briefly, and then I would like to touch on it in our next session.  But I’ve been identifying with Josephine’s movement, and I always kid around and say, “Not tonight, Josephine.”  That’s a jokie little phrase I’ve used all my life.  Anyway, so I’m laughing because I’m reading two books that have Josephine in them, and one is this Desiree book, and one is this other book that I am reading with a Josephine in it, and I love this Josephine person in the Oversoul Seven book, and I am identifying with her.  I know I grumbled to you ‘cause I figured, once you read this book, that’s it.  But you said to read it again, so I read it again, and the part about the way that the Jewish/Christian stories framed our age through prophecy and gave both the Jews and the Christians a reason to continue, or gave them a longevity in time, really struck this time when I was reading it, and I’m in the process of turning that reality from out to in, and yet, I see the city, and I understand my lifelong, many-focus-long desire to see the shift actualized in this reality, and I’m so negative about religious focuses, but the other ... not the other.  The undercurrent or the beauty of the story is that it has framed our age.

Now, I’m not quite sure about the turning in details, but I do recognize that my drive for the shift is born out of those stories.  So, I guess I’m saying that the imagery is pretty beautiful to me.

ELIAS:  (Laughing)  And you are correct, in a figurative manner of speaking. (Chuckling)

LYNDA:  Yeah, I know.  I think what’s hard is that my automatic response is to, you know, prophesy Jerusalem into existence, and I probably don’t have to worry about it because the cosmos is big, but I do want ... but I do feel very tied into my own (inaudible) belief, because if you’re gonna hang in with the shift, it seems like a good idea to do that, so....

ELIAS:  Ha ha ha ha!

LYNDA:  Okay.  I’ll just be ending our call now, and telling you I love you and thank you so much.  Thank you, thank you.

ELIAS:  You are very welcome, my friend, and I extend my affection to you also.  I express to you an anticipation of our next meeting and our continuation with our game, and I shall be offering energy to you in the interim time framework.

LYNDA:  Thank you.

ELIAS:  To you this day, au revoir.

LYNDA:  Au revoir.

Elias departs at 12:16 p.m.

© 2001  Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.