Noticing Your Own Voice, Your Own Desire
"Noticing Your Own Voice, Your Own Desire"
"Dissipating the Expression of Fear"
"STOP the Judgment"
Sunday, September 24, 2000 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anne (Laurell)
Elias arrives at 11:18 AM. (Arrival time is 17 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
ANNE: Good morning, Elias, my name is Anne. I don't know if you can picture me, but I've got a bunch of questions for you this morning!
ELIAS: Very well, you may proceed!
ANNE: Can you help me to understand why it is so difficult for me to take off my weight? I've been very overweight for a very long time.
ELIAS: And express to me in this moment YOUR association with this weight. How do you view this weight?
ANNE: I view it as ugly.
ELIAS: Quite. You are correct, this is part of how you view this. How else do you view this?
ANNE: It is a burden; it holds me down; it keeps me safe from attention of men; and in some ways it makes me strong also, that I'm not a skinny little woman that can be taken advantage of.
ELIAS: Ah! Now; therefore, you are creating an experience of conflicting associations, correct?
ELIAS: For in one respect you view this to be quite negative and distasteful, but in another respect you view this to be quite beneficial.
ANNE: That's the problem, huh?
ELIAS: Now; as you continue in expressing these conflicting elements, you continue to create this situation. Let me also say to you that you create this situation of this type of body form for it offers you a significant payoff, and as it continues to provide you with that payoff, you also continue to create it.
ANNE: But most of the time it makes me miserable. Can we go to the next question?
ELIAS: If you are wishing.
ANNE: I have been alone and have lived alone for a very long time. I have been wishing to live close to my daughter, and that hasn't happened for various reasons. I'm also living without a mate for a long time. I'm wondering, is it ever going to happen that I'm going to live close to my daughter or have a loving mate in my life?
ELIAS: I may express to you that either of these actions would be your choice and implemented by you. You are allowing yourself to create a situation in which you move in the expression of allowing other individuals, or the possibility of other individuals, to dictate your choices for you. In this, you are not allowing yourself...
ANNE: Could you speak a little closer to the phone? I'm having difficulty hearing you.
ELIAS: Very well.
ANNE: You say I'm creating the situation, and I'm allowing other individuals to what?
ELIAS: To dictate to you your choices.
ANNE: Hmm. That's your answer. (Slight pause) Hello?
ELIAS: Yes. Now; momentarily with me allow yourself to be relaxing. Your energy is creating a tension which is creating an interference in the communication.
Relax the tension from your physical form and allow yourself to listen. In this, let me express to you that you have created an aspect of fear, and in this fear, you have created an expression of a lack of trust of your own abilities. Therefore, in not trusting your abilities, you turn your attention to outside expressions and you allow circumstances and other individuals to dictate to you.
ANNE: I am assuming that this is my daughter dictating the circumstances.
ELIAS: In part.
ANNE: Even when I was involved with a man ... I have to think about that. I can understand my daughter does the dictating as far as that goes, and even why I'm living in Florida, because she said she'd move here and then didn't. I don't see it with the man, but I have to think about that. That's the end of that answer?
ANNE: Let me go to the next, then. I moved from New York to Florida, and my lease is up May 200l. I'm not sure whether I should stay in Florida, move to North Carolina, or to try to get into a rural intentional community. I'm not sure what to do with my life: to volunteer, to give a year of service, or... I get confused. I know it is my choice, but...
ELIAS: What do you wish to do? What is your desire?
ANNE: I would like less expensive rent. I believe my preference would be for a mountain area. I don't feel safe here, and I would like to live in a small alternative community. That is what I would like to do.
ELIAS: And why shall you not create that type of movement? What do you view as the hindrance or the obstacle for your creation?
ANNE: If I'm living in an apartment, I have to take my belongings somehow and load them onto a vehicle, go to the community, stay there for a week, and then they decide whether or not I will fit into their community. So I could pack up everything, go to the community, and then be without a residence.
ELIAS: Therefore in this you are viewing that you hold only one choice.
ANNE: The answer to that is maybe for me to get one of these recreational vehicles where you can actually live on the vehicle, so then I could go from community to community until I found one that was acceptable to me and likewise they were accepting of me.
ELIAS: Ah, and this is the presentment of another choice!
ELIAS: The point is allowing yourself to view your choices. You have become quite familiar with allowing situations and individuals to dictate your choices to you and in that action you allow other individuals and circumstances to direct your movement, and you have become unaccustomed to noticing your own choices or listening to your own voice.
Therefore, the point of this discussion that we engage together is to direct your attention into the noticing of your own voice, of your own desire, and in this you may allow yourself to view your own choices that you create, not those that other individuals offer to you.
ANNE: Thank you. The next question is, there has been a wall, a barrier between my daughter and myself for a long, long time, mostly from her towards me. I have imagined and believe there were several reasons for this, but mostly what came out of the divorce and that she identified with her father, who was an alcoholic and I'm not. But although I raised her and put her through college, her father always remains the hero.
Recently, I believe she is a little happier these past three years. I believe the barrier is coming down, and she is becoming more understanding and a little more loving to me. My question is, is there something I can do to further eliminate the barrier on her side? I don't think it is from a past life; I think it is from this lifetime.
ELIAS: You are correct.
ANNE: It is this life.
ANNE: Is there something I can do to eliminate it, besides not discuss her father?
ELIAS: As you create a movement in the direction of which we are speaking this day, turning your attention to self more and allowing yourself to become more accepting and objectively more empowered, so to speak, with your own choices and not projecting an energy of want and expectation upon your daughter, this shall profoundly be effecting of what you create in your relationship with this individual.
The two of you have created an extended time framework in which you have both engaged in holding your attention upon each other and not upon self, and projecting expectations upon each other and expressing inwardly to yourselves an energy of guilt.
Now; this energy is experienced and received by you both. It is not requiring of thought to be receiving this type of energy from each other, which you have been exchanging this energy for an extended time framework.
ANNE: Are you saying we both make each other guilty?
ELIAS: You experience guilt within yourselves and blame in relation to the other individual.
ANNE: We blame each other.
ELIAS: Yes. In this, as you, regardless of the choices that she engages, as you turn your attention to yourself and you discontinue this circle that you have engaged with her, this alters the energy exchange that you create between yourself and her, and in that action there are automatic responses that may be incorporated by her in relation to what you are creating.
Be remembering, you do not create her choices or her reality. She does not create your choices or your reality. In this, what you direct is you, but your expression is influencing of her responses.
ANNE: My daughter has a very nice boyfriend. He recently learned the identity of his biological father. I don't suppose you can tell whether this man is deceased or alive? He is starting a search for him. I know this is a difficult question.
ELIAS: It is not a difficult question nor is it difficult to be responding to, although I may express to you that in this situation it may be intrusive to be responding to this question as I am not responding to that individual particularly.
ANNE: Can you tell me what you just said? You can't answer that, is that what you said?
ELIAS: What I am expressing to you is that you are posing the inquiry...
ANNE: It's inappropriate for me to ask?
ELIAS: It is inappropriate, in your terms, for my answering, for this is intrusive to the other individuals.
ANNE: Okay, I accept that. I just thought I could help him. I'll go on to the next question
ELIAS: Let me interject, momentarily. In this, hear what you have expressed: you wish to be helpful to this individual to be finding this other individual. This may not be helpful.
ANNE: It may not be helpful for him to find him?
ELIAS: Correct. (Pause)
ANNE: He is going to the Social Security Administration soon to see if they will help. He also realizes that he may be deceased; maybe he has to find that out on his own. I can accept your advice on that. (Elias chuckles)
I get very anxious when I have automobile trouble. I'm driving a '93 Corsica, and I hope it will last me another year or two. Am I hoping right? I don't want a breakdown and be without a car.
ELIAS: Once again this is an expression of fear, and let me express to you the expressions of fear that you project are expressions that you concentrate your energy within, and where you concentrate your energy, you create what you concentrate upon.
Therefore, if you are allowing yourself to turn your perception slightly, allow yourself to view that you create the movement of this vehicle. It is not outside of you. It appears in illusion to be outside of you, but in actuality it is not, and it also is not broken. In this, allow yourself to recognize that the functioning of this vehicle is created by you, not by a factory, not by a manufacturer, not by an assembly line, but you.
ANNE: We have a mutual friend, Vivien P, and that's what she told me recently, that I was creating whether or not I was going to have a car problem. I understand a little bit about creation and beliefs, but it was hard for me to believe about the car, except that I remembered when I first came down here - and there's SO much traffic in Florida - I kept saying, praying, "Please don't let me get stuck in this traffic!" I did that for about a week, and then one Saturday morning I went outside to get into my car and it wouldn't start, and then I thanked the heavens that I got stuck at home and not in traffic. Then I was thinking of what Vivien said, and I think maybe I created the whole thing, that I created the car not starting also.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, for you did.
ANNE: But that takes some understanding, because that's so different from what we have been told before.
ELIAS: You are correct! (Chuckles)
ANNE: Let me ask you my entity name and spelling, please.
ELIAS: Very well. Essence name, Laurell, L-A-U-R-E-L-L.
ANNE: Do I belong to the ... is my color red, the Milumet is the essence family?
ELIAS: Belonging to Milumet, yes, correct.
ANNE: Many years ago, when I was in a Quaker Meetinghouse in meditation, I looked over to a dark, wooden wall and I saw a mural on the wall of seven figures all dressed in different costumes, and they all had my face. That was the moment I began to believe and accept reincarnation.
I remember only two of those figures: the first was a gypsy wearing an off-the-shoulder peasant blouse, the second was a woman wearing a dark dress with a square white collar like a pilgrim or a woman in the 14th or 15th century would wear. But I don't remember the other figures.
I have done other meditations through the years and had out-of-body experiences, and I believe very strongly there was a time when I was a Roman soldier, and a woman in the early Christian times that attended underground secret masses. I believe very strongly that I was an American Indian because I've had many thoughts in my twenties, thirties, and never realized what I was seeing, of an American Indian male. I've also felt I was a young boy in a short dress in the Mediterranean area with curly hair. I don't need exact dates or times, but just a little bit, can you give me a little run down, was I ever also an Asian, Chinese?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct in the identification of all of these individuals.
ANNE: Even with the Chinese?
ANNE: Very good. So one of these days I am going to make a portrait with all of these figures in it. Vicky said she is going to help me learn how to draw it.
ELIAS: Ah, and you shall create a tapestry of yourself!
ANNE: That will be interesting, yes. Are there any talents or abilities that I have that I'm not using and should be using?
ELIAS: I express to you the suggestion that you be continuing to allow yourself to be turning your attention more to self and allowing yourself to become more familiar with you. For in this action you shall also allow yourself the discovery of many different expressions that you have not allowed yourself the recognition of throughout your focus.
Let me also say to you that you may begin now embarking upon this wondrous adventure of discovery of your abilities and your expressions and the TREMENDOUS flow of energy that may spring from the trust that you allow yourself to express within yourself. I shall also express to you that in this action, you shall allow yourself to dissipate many of the expressions of this fear tremendously, which shall create much more of a relaxation in your energy and shall open more discovery within you.
ANNE: So the more I get rid of the fear, the more energy I will have?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, yes.
ANNE: I read a lot of channeled writings, and there's a lot of talk about major earth changes that will happen, I believe also within my lifetime. Will I be safer in North Carolina rather than Florida?
ELIAS: This also is related to your individual expression of fear. You shall be experiencing safety wherever you choose to be in physical location as you create a trust within you. As you continue to create this intensity of fear within you, it shall matter not where you choose to physically locate yourself; the fear shall continue. This is yet again another example that you present yourself in viewing outside elements.
You view outside of yourself. This is a distraction and a camouflage. You hold your attention outside of self in the same manner that you create the expression in your relationship with your daughter. It is the same action: holding your attention outside of self and placing an expression of blame upon outside elements which you associate with fear within you. And to be addressing to this fear, you need to be moving your attention inside.
ANNE: What is the best way to get rid of fear?
ELIAS: To dissipate the expression of fear, you shall allow yourself to begin viewing genuinely yourself. You begin in noticing, in allowing yourself to stop creating the role of victim.
ANNE: Oh! Oh, okay, yeah ... still doing that.
I have arthritis. I've read that we can all heal our own bodies. So I can work on healing and ridding myself of the arthritis I have by infusing white light into the areas that trouble me, correct?
ELIAS: (Laughing heartily, and Anne laughs) I may express to you, Laurell, you may infuse white light continuously and it may affect no expression of this condition that you have created! Ha ha ha ha!
ANNE: None whatsoever?
ELIAS: For it is the beliefs that you hold that are influencing the creation of this, and the very expressions and subjects that you and I have been discussing this day are all aspects of that creation of physical painfulness and stiffness. One of these expressions is directly associated with your creation of weight.
ANNE: I will study all of this when I get the tape, and work with it. I also have a scalp condition. Does my body lack any particular vitamins or anything like that? No, it's all in what I think, right?
ELIAS: (Laughs with Anne) Ah, I shall be acknowledging of you! You are responding to your own questions quite accurately! Ha ha ha ha!
ANNE: I'm a little on the sensitive side with feelings. It's been a lifetime of getting my feelings hurt by family members, so I have narrowed it down to just the immediate handful and I'm down now to like two. I read recently and I'm knowing that I shouldn't idealize people that I like and turn away from people that don't agree with me and hurt my feelings, but that I should basically see people as they are, accept the good and the bad, and accept also that they're not going to change and that it is their life, and the only person I can change is me.
So I'm answering this question, too, in that what I should be doing is learning better to accept people with both the parts I like and the parts I don't like.
ELIAS: And I shall express to you that this becomes an automatic expression as you begin to allow yourself to accept yourself. You shall automatically be accepting of other individuals in more and more of a capacity as you become more accepting of you. The reason that you are not accepting of other individuals is directly associated with your lack of acceptance of self; it is an outward projection of what you are creating inwardly. In a manner of speaking, they are one and the same.
ANNE: How does one get to love one's self more and accept one's self more? By affirming that we are all intelligent, wonderful creations?
ELIAS: I may express that this may be a beginning point with some individuals. I may also say to you that this is a futile action with you individually. (Chuckles) You may be expressing those words, but the words themselves shall not be affecting of you.
Now; I may express to you that in YOUR individual focus what may be a very helpful beginning point is allowing yourself to begin noticing you. Allow yourself to begin noticing your own voice, your own desires. As faintly as they may be heard, allow yourself to notice, and in this, continue to pay attention to what you are expressing to yourself.
Now; an indication of what you are expressing to yourself is you may be engaged in an interaction with another individual, and as they are expressing anything to you, the moment that you experience this twinging within you of uncomfortableness, allow yourself immediately to stop and to notice - not retreat, for this is an automatic action that you create - do not retreat, merely stop and notice and allow yourself to listen to what you are creating in response. Allow yourself to discontinue paying attention to the action that is occurring outside of you, to the interaction of the other individual or the circumstance, but focus your attention in intensity only upon self and LISTEN to what you are expressing to yourself, be it fear...
ELIAS: ...quite; be it guilt, be it irritation...
ANNE: And when I recognize that what I'm feeling is shame or guilt when I shouldn't be, then what do I say to myself?
ELIAS: This is key. Initially in the recognition of the guilt or the shame or embarrassment, merely stop and do not express to yourself that you should not be feeling this or thinking this. STOP the judgment.
ANNE: Stop the judgment.
ELIAS: Stop creating the automatic action of discounting yourself for what you are expressing. Merely allow yourself to stop, to pay attention and to notice, and for a brief time framework initially do not attempt to alter your expression, your feeling. Allow it to be what it is. This is an exercise in acceptance. Allow it to be expressed within you, without altering it and without judgment.
ANNE: I'll give you an example of this. Two weeks ago I started a writing class. There were eight people in the room, and before the class began three of them were talking about their trip to Greece and their experience with their vacation to Greece. I couldn't say a word because I haven't been to Greece, and I felt shame and embarrassment and I couldn't say a word. When I went back the second week, I made an effort and I smiled and spoke to the woman that was talking about her trip to Greece. I realized that the feeling I had inside me was because I felt I had less education, less travel, and that it was what was going on inside of me, and that the other people weren't thinking less of me. So in subsequent visits to the class, I have been able to speak out, be friendly, be a little more accepting of myself. I recognized that it was me at that time.
ELIAS: Quite, and this is the key, allowing yourself to be turning your perception, noticing what you are creating, NOT the perception of the other individuals but your perception that you are less than, therefore you are unworthy of the participation. And this is what is creating of the obstacle.
Now; in stopping that action and allowing yourself to merely notice what you are experiencing WITHOUT JUDGMENT, you offer to yourself information as to why you are creating that. You allow yourself to view more of you, as you have in this experience. You have stopped partially and in that stopping, you allow yourself to be creating a thought process as to why are you responding, not merely perpetuating the response by expressing how wrong you are for creating the response.
As you continue to be creating a judgment upon yourself, your attention turns towards the judgment, not to the listening and not to the viewing of why you are creating certain expressions. Therefore, begin by noticing and allowing yourself to be accepting. You are not measured by the assessment of other individuals.
ANNE: You are right. Okay, that was good.
Sometimes I listen to tapes and I project out a desire for a loving mate. Very recently, I was doing it again. I do some volunteer work one afternoon a week, and I noticed that there is a man there who looks something like the man I was projecting, that I wanted to create. Am I in fantasyland here? (Laughs)
ELIAS: No. Let me also express to you, allow yourself to be realizing that you draw to you like expression, and you create what you draw to you. Therefore, you are allowing yourself a type of experimentation. You are experimenting with your ability to be creating, but your viewing of this creation is suspect. You are not quite accepting of your ability to be drawing to yourself the type of expression that you desire.
Now; what shall reinforce this is to be remembering within you that you draw to yourself expressions of like kind. Therefore, what is it that you seek to be drawing to yourself and what is it that you create and that you project within yourself? For that is what you shall bring to yourself.
In this, I express encouragement to you for you are already beginning in your creation. Therefore, do not falter in doubt but allow yourself to continue in your adventure.
ANNE: To try to create what I want to bring into my life?
ELIAS: To BE creating, not to be trying. Ha ha ha!
ANNE: (Laughs) Okay! Is there anything overall that ... any other good advice or information that you'd like to give me as we come to the end here?
ELIAS: I shall express to you in an acknowledgment of your emergence day (laughs), this day of celebration...
ANNE: I'm 63 today.
ELIAS: ...in acknowledgment that, I offer to you a tremendous expression of energy from myself.
ANNE: Thank you, Elias. I'm not going to ask you your age!
ELIAS: (Laughs loudly) It would be quite a number in measurement within your linear time framework! Ha ha ha ha!
ANNE: I thank you very much for this interview and learning session. I look forward to receiving the tape from Mary, and I will review it and study it and do my best to apply it.
ELIAS: Very well. Continue to be noticing, continue to be listening TO YOU - not outside of you, but to you. You hold a lovely voice; it shall be pleasurable to you to be listening to it.
ANNE: Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend.
ANNE: So long for now.
ELIAS: To you in great affection, au revoir.
ANNE: To you also, au revoir.
Elias departs at 12:13 PM.
©2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.