Exploring Intimate Relationships
“Exploring Intimate Relationships”
“Battling the Creature of Fear”
Saturday, April 8, 2000
© 2000 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and a new participant, Lawrence.
Elias arrives at 1:35 PM. (Arrival time is 25 seconds)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
LAWRENCE: Hi! (Elias chuckles) I guess I should just start off with a question?
ELIAS: Very well. You may proceed.
LAWRENCE: Well, I guess my first question is, are Kim and I meant to be together, the woman I’m currently seeing?
ELIAS: Interesting phraseology! Is this individual and yourself “meant” to be together? This is implying some element of destiny! (Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I guess! (Laughing) We’ve wondered about it.
ELIAS: I shall express to you that you both engage several focuses together other than this particular focus, which also influences this particular focus and the connection, so to speak, that you perceive between the two of you.
I shall also express to you that there is a recognition of the energy that you exchange between the two of you, and within these present probabilities, you are choosing to be continuing to interact with each other and create relationship with each other.
As to the question of destiny and what shall you be creating futurely, I shall express to you, this is your choice.
There is no destiny. You are not fated to be together, in your terms. You are creating choices to be creating a relationship in intimacy together, but you also hold choices to be discontinuing this action futurely.
Therefore, I shall caution you in interaction that you may engage with other individuals, for any other individual that may be attempting to lead your thought process in the direction of expressing to you this type of action of destiny or absolutes in future occurrences is offering you a distortion of information and an expression of their individual beliefs.
LAWRENCE: We’ve been best friends for the last couple of years, and then just all of a sudden, there was this intense kind of connection beyond friendship, and the energy was intense, and we just wondered if there were some deeper connections beyond this present life.
ELIAS: Which is what I have expressed to you. You do both engage several other focuses together.
LAWRENCE: But there was some adversity recently. She has a lot of physical pain due to some past experiences, and I didn’t know if I could handle that. I guess I got myself scared. I’ve never loved anyone like this, and I got scared.
I have this fear of someone being dependent on me, of her being too needy or too dependent on me, and I guess it comes back to my own self. I’m just wondering why I can’t give more to her, or what’s holding me back from giving to her, if I’m being selfish or if I’m not able to fully love her, those kinds of things.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and this is the point of your questioning this day, and this is the information that you are genuinely seeking, not information concerning destiny. (Grinning)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha! Therefore, we shall proceed in discussion in this direction.
ELIAS: In this, you are presenting yourself with a situation which you are participating in, in creating with this individual quite purposefully, and in this creation, you are offering yourself the opportunity to be viewing self through the identification of the present wave in consciousness, which addresses to the belief system of sexuality.
Therefore, in one respect, you are offering yourself the opportunity to view and address to the different aspects of that belief system, which you align with and which you allow to be influencing and affecting of your perception.
Simultaneously, you are also allowing yourself to be receptive to the energy which is being expressed within this shift in consciousness, which lends a type of enhanced or more extreme expression to your viewing of yourself.
This brings surfacely, in a manner of speaking, issues that have been underlying for much time framework within your particular focus.
In this, you allow yourself to view your own creation of fears, why you are creating of those fears, your own identifications of sexuality, of self, of performance, of productivity, of responsibility. There are many, many aspects of your reality that you are questioning presently.
LAWRENCE: Can you elaborate on that?
ELIAS: Yes. Now; in this, let us view this particular relationship and the objective creations that you have been noticing recently.
Previously, you assess that the relationship has been created in the context of friendship, and you hold a specific identification and definition of friendship. You also recognize and notice that you have allowed a movement of this friendship into what YOU identify or perceive to be a different type of relationship, one that you define as more intimate than what you identify as a friendship.
In this action, you call into question many aspects of yourself that you are looking to address to now.
In this, you allow yourself to be noticing your own behaviors, your own responses, which creates questions. Your responses are apprehension, fear, uncomfortableness, a sense or a feeling of a lack of control, a sense or what may be termed as a feeling of a lack of independence. There are very specific aspects of beliefs that you associate with quite strongly.
You identify yourself in the role of a male individual, which within your definition dictates certain behaviors. It dictates to you certain responsibilities, certain actions, certain qualities of performance, not merely sexually, but within interaction. You assume responsibility for other individuals that you deem to be in your care if you are engaging relationship with them.
Let me express to you, these are all aspects of beliefs. This is not to say that they are not quite real, for they are projected to your perception, and your perception creates that as your reality. Therefore, they are quite real!
LAWRENCE: But of course I want to help her. I mean, I want to....
LAWRENCE: Why? (Elias chuckles) Because I care about her.
ELIAS: Ah, and this is the expression of love.
LAWRENCE: I guess.
ELIAS: Another aspect of a belief system. (Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: What is the belief there?
ELIAS: That the expression of love with an individual that you engage relationship with is to be helpful and to be offering the expression of comfort in whichever manner you may objectively; that you shall assume responsibility for the creation of another individual, and you shall “fix” it for them.
LAWRENCE: Well, I know I can’t fix it for her. I mean, I know she has to ultimately heal herself, but....
ELIAS: Or not.
LAWRENCE: Well, if she doesn’t heal herself, no one else can.
ELIAS: Quite, but this is a choice also.
ELIAS: And it is not YOUR choice. It is HER choice. Your choice concerns whether you choose to participate in the acceptance of her creations, or not.
LAWRENCE: So, if two people don’t share the same beliefs about love and what it should be, then they shouldn’t be together?
ELIAS: I am not expressing this, and I shall express to you, both of you quite DO share the same beliefs concerning love and relationships.
LAWRENCE: Yeah, but if we’re questioning those beliefs, then what does that mean?
ELIAS: You are questioning those beliefs, that you may offer to yourselves, together and individually, more freedom; the recognition that you hold choices.
In this, as you recognize that you hold choices, as you recognize that many of the elements of your reality that are creating conflict are influences of your beliefs — which you allow to limit you and you allow to create obstacles — and as you begin to recognize by calling into question these beliefs, you also begin to afford yourselves objectively the power of choice and the recognition of freedom, which is the point.
In this, if you are restricting yourself but you do not identify that you are restricting yourself, how may you offer yourself freedom?
If you believe yourself to already be free, for you do not view your restrictions or your limitations, how may you move into an actual freedom?
This is the reason that you are calling into question your beliefs, that you may allow yourself to examine your motivation, what moves you in the responses that you create.
You express to myself that this individual that you hold great affection for experiences physical conflict, physical expressions that you deem to be, in your belief systems, maladies.
In this, you create a response to her creation. Your response is apprehension, uneasiness, a type of anxiety. You are not merely questioning how you may be helpful to this individual. That statement is a camouflage, for this is the expected response.
“I love this individual. I wish to be helpful to this individual. Therefore, I seek a method to address to what is being created, that we together may alter that creation and be healing to her, that she may enjoy the fullness of life.” This is the camouflage.
The actual expression underlyingly is, “I love this individual. I am choosing presently to be creating a relationship with this individual. I am also experiencing fear, for I do not trust my ability to be accepting of the choices of another individual.”
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I think that’s pretty accurate.
ELIAS: And, “I am not accepting of myself yet in the knowing that I already hold freedom and the expression of independence regardless of what I choose to be creating in relationships.”
LAWRENCE: Why am I questioning my ability?
ELIAS: You are moving into unfamiliar territory! (Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: Yeah, you can say that again!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha!
You are creating movement presently which is unfamiliar to you objectively, and in that unfamiliarity, you question yourself and you question your ability to be accomplishing.
And in THIS time framework, in the insertion of this shift in consciousness into your reality and the energy surges which are occurring presently, this merely emphasizes what you bring surfacely within yourself in your questioning.
In this, I express to you, do not view this as an experience in negativity. Do not experience this new adventure through the perception of discounting yourself, but allow yourself to turn your perception slightly, and allow yourself to view that though you are moving into unfamiliar territory in this creation of relationship, you are also embarking upon an adventure — an opportunity to view yourself, an opportunity to recognize and notice your behaviors, your triggers, your beliefs, which influence your perception.
And THIS is all the opportunity for you to view how you create your reality, and this offers you the objective viewing and realization of your freedom.
LAWRENCE: But I’ve hurt her already. I’ve taken her trust and I’ve thrown it in her face, and now it’s hard for her to trust me again.
ELIAS: Ah, and this matters not, for let me express to you quite genuinely, perception is a tremendously valuable and powerful tool within your physical reality, and you hold a tremendous ability to manipulate and move perception. Merely by moving your perception, you also are automatically altering your reality, which also is affecting of other individuals.
This individual holds affection for you also, in like manner to yourself. In this, there is a willingness in desire to be creating an interconnectedness objectively.
Now; this individual holds very strong beliefs, in like manner to yourself. Therefore, she expresses to you that you have been hurtful to her and have been destructive in part — not entirely, but in part — to her ability to be trusting.
Now; first of all, let me express to you quite strongly, you may not create another individual’s reality. Therefore, you may not express to her that she is projecting energy in the role of victim in those statements.
LAWRENCE: I may not express to her?
ELIAS: Rather, you may objectively express this, but it may not necessarily be received. You may not dictate to her that she receive that information or that energy.
Therefore, you may not change her perception through dictation, but you may be influencing of her perception through the alteration of YOUR perception.
Listen to your own words: “I have already been hurtful. I have already created a situation in which there is a lack of trust.”
Hear your words. These are powerful. In this, what you are expressing is your belief and your perception of yourself, the perception that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s reality, and you do not.
Once you turn your perception, once you allow yourself to view that you are acceptable, that you trust yourself and are accepting of yourself, you shall not be projecting this type of energy.
I am not expressing to you that you have not projected energy in a hurtful manner, for you have. I am not expressing to you that it has not been received in a hurtful manner, for it has. What I AM expressing to you is that these are not absolutes. This may be altered.
LAWRENCE: If I could ask one more question on this, and then maybe move into another area.
ELIAS: You may.
LAWRENCE: This one young woman, who you may or may not be aware of, I don’t know, but who I’ve been kind of obsessed with in the back of my mind for the last eight or nine months, that was also affecting my judgment and how I was feeling in this relationship. I was wondering if you might be able to comment on that.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) This is your escape route.
LAWRENCE: I know I’m totally projecting, like I don’t even know this woman, but I feel like maybe there’s a greater opportunity there, or there may be a greater opportunity to fulfill what I feel is an ideal relationship, I guess.
ELIAS: Aha. Once again, I shall express to you, this is your escape route. You have incorporated this as your window of escape, in that you view the possibility of creating intimacy in relationship with one individual, but you hold open the window and allow your attention to move in another direction.
This satisfies the beliefs that you hold which influence you in the expression of fear, in a lack of independence, in a lack of control, in the expression of another individual sapping your energy....
LAWRENCE: I’m sorry?
ELIAS: The expression that there is a possibility that another individual that you may engage relationship with may sap your energy.
ELIAS: Quite; deplete.
LAWRENCE: I view the person I’m escaping with has the potential to sap my energy?
ELIAS: No; the individual that you move in the direction of creating an intimate relationship with. You incorporate the second individual as the escape window. It is a protection device, in a manner of speaking.
LAWRENCE: I guess that it goes back to not trusting myself enough, and the fear. I guess the other major thing I wanted to discuss was my Tourette’s Syndrome, and how that is related. I’ve been thinking that it’s related to my fear of the universe in general, and I’m just wondering if maybe you can shed any light on what that’s related to.
ELIAS: I may express to you first of all that the initial creation of this expression, which you deem to be a malfunction, is not in actuality a malfunction, but initially was chosen by yourself as an action that you have incorporated into this particular focus to allow you a different avenue of experiences, which move outside of the mass belief systems in moments; not continuously, but within certain time frameworks.
You allow yourself partial expression of the officially accepted reality, partial expression of alignment with mass belief systems, but you also allow yourself another avenue of expression within this particular focus which allows you a difference in perception, and also allows you the opportunity to incorporate that difference of perception into your expression of creativity in this focus.
Now; I shall also express to you that within this focus, you have distorted that initial direction by assuming the mass belief systems and allowing a tremendous influence of those mass belief systems, therefore placing a judgment upon yourself that this “condition,” so to speak, is bad, that it creates attacks upon you ... as though it were an entity of its own, outside of yourself and QUITE outside of your creations!
LAWRENCE: I’ve been working on that, on trusting myself more and loving the entirety of myself, but I feel like the condition ... I just feel it’s kind of related to me being open as a person, and it’s influencing my ability to be open and to give of myself.
ELIAS: You are quite correct. This is the influence of the beliefs. The belief is that this is a condition, that this is a malfunction, a malady. This is bad, and in this assessment, which you quite align with, you also associate this with your ability to be producing. You associate this with your expression of worth and value individually.
You associate this expression with what you term to be your confidence within yourself, and you view questioningly to yourself, for you create a fear of how you shall be perceived by other individuals.
LAWRENCE: How is it contributing to myself looking at things through a different perception? How has it contributed to that?
ELIAS: For you are reinforcing continuously of yourself that you are malfunctioning, and in this malfunction, you devalue, in your perception, yourself. You are discounting your individual worth.
This influences quite strongly outwardly and objectively, for what you believe of yourself and what you view within yourself is the energy that you shall project outwardly to other individuals, and subsequently shall also draw to yourself.
LAWRENCE: I’m not sure I totally understand.
ELIAS: If you are creating a measurement of your worth which is quite devalued, and you are holding the belief that you are malfunctioning, and you are not accepting of you, you shall project this energy outward from yourself. This is what you believe, and your beliefs project energy to your perception, and your perception creates your reality. Therefore, what you believe becomes reality.
In this, as you devalue yourself, you create that as a reality, and in that creation, you project outwardly, and this is the expression of energy that you project and offer to other individuals: “I am not worthy.” And in that projection, you need not ever express those words. The energy shall be expressed and it shall be recognized by other individuals that you encounter, and in the recognition of that energy, other individuals shall be compliant with you and shall mirror to you what you believe.
LAWRENCE: How can I change my perception?
ELIAS: Ah! Now; now we move into the area of methods, and in this, as you are all so very fond of methods, (laughing) I may express to you that you alter the perception by turning your attention, and in turning your attention, you allow yourself to move in increments, in steps, and in these steps, you allow yourself to notice, and in the noticing, you allow yourself to view all of the moments in which you are discounting of yourself....
LAWRENCE: What do you mean by turning my attention?
ELIAS: Turn your attention to self rather than outside of self.
Let us view momentarily your scenario of your interaction with this female individual. Your attention is quite strongly held outside of yourself with her.
You concern yourself much with what she creates — with her thoughts, with her emotions, with her feelings, with her creations, with her circumstances — all that is occurring within her reality, you are holding your attention within. In this time framework, you are NOT paying attention to YOU.
LAWRENCE: Well, ‘cause all she talks about is her problems. I mean, that would be why, but....
ELIAS: You may be participating in conversation with another individual — you may be listening to another individual — and you may also simultaneously hold your attention with self.
And holding your attention with self creates a wondrous action, and this wondrous action is the acceptance of self and the acceptance of the other individual, in which no judgment is created, in which no draw or pull to be altering another individual’s reality is created.
Wondrous expressions occur in holding your attention with self, and it is not an expression of so very black and white as you perceive presently — that either you shall be paying attention to this individual OR you shall be paying attention to self.
LAWRENCE: What, like what I’m feeling and stuff?
ELIAS: You may be aware of you. Yes, partially what you are feeling, what you are experiencing, what you are creating within your thoughts.
As you create a thought process when you are listening in a conversation, and you notice that your thoughts are entirely responsive to the other individual, and your responses to the other individual move in directions of solutions, you may stop yourself and recognize that this is your indication to yourself that you are not paying attention to self any longer, for these are not your creations. You are merely listening.
LAWRENCE: And if she asks for my advice?
ELIAS: If another individual is inquiring of you and in your terms asking for your advice, in holding your attention with self, you may be responding in what you yourself hypothetically or might be creating in a similar scenario, not offering advice in the manner of the expression of what she should be creating, for this is not for you to be offering.
What you may be offering is your assessment of how you possibly may create your direction and your choices in a similar scenario.
LAWRENCE: That’s not easy.
ELIAS: No. In your objective terms, it is not easy yet, for it is unfamiliar, and there are very strong automatic responses that you create. I may be offering this information to you quite easily and I may be expressing this to you in concepts, but I also am recognizing that within your reality, there is a very strong pull in automatic responses.
I may express this very scenario to you in explanation of how you may be addressing to the situation if another individual is asking for your advice in a particular scenario, and you may be receiving this information in concept, and I may also express to you quite realistically, I hold the awareness that within the actual given scenario physically exhibited, there is a tremendous likelihood that you shall express within an automatic response, even in the attempt to be enacting the information that I have just given to you.
This is a process. Do not be discounting of yourself. Do not be chastising of yourself. Merely allow yourself the recognition that you are moving into awareness, that you are moving away from automatic responses and the tremendous influence of beliefs which create these automatic responses.
But automatic responses ARE automatic! They require no thought. They require no emotion. They are quite spontaneous, and in this, allow yourself to relax, and recognize that as you practice, your automatic responses shall dissipate, and you may replace them with other automatic responses which are not tremendously influenced by your beliefs.
LAWRENCE: I’ve gotta ask this question, because it affects me on a day-to-day basis.
ELIAS: Very well.
LAWRENCE: There’s this one woman at work that I absolutely can’t stand and that drives me crazy. What is that stemming from? I’ve been battling for months. Do you know what I’m talking about?
ELIAS: Quite. Now; I shall express to you that you have encountered what you physically may term to be an opposite counterpart.
This individual and yourself share counterpart action, and in this particular type of counterpart action, you repel each other in the manner of two magnets.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha!
LAWRENCE: No shit! Sorry, I don’t know if I can swear.
ELIAS: It matters not with myself! (Grinning)
LAWRENCE: I thought you’d say that!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha!
In this, you may allow yourself the recognition that you hold choices. You may remove yourself from this individual if you are so choosing. It is unnecessary that you push in your interaction with this individual. You need not be engaging.
LAWRENCE: But she’s in the proximity. It’s so close!
ELIAS: I am understanding. It matters not. You may be within the same room and not necessarily be interactive with another individual.
LAWRENCE: Yeah, but when I’m trying to work, and she’s talking or going into her high-pitched singing voice, I mean, how can I not let that affect me? (Elias chuckles) I know it’s stupid, but....
ELIAS: You may initially practice in distraction. Allow yourself to turn your attention into a distraction. You may even allow yourself temporarily to envision or imagine this individual to be nonexistent. You need not be interactive.
You may also engage the buffer. In this, you may be inquiring of Michael subsequent to this session today, and he may be offering this exercise to you.
Vic’s note: This really works! Refer to for more info.
LAWRENCE: Who is this? I’m sorry; I don’t think I heard you.
ELIAS: Michael, the individual that facilitates this energy exchange.
LAWRENCE: Oh, okay.
ELIAS: In this, he may be offering to you information concerning this exercise of the buffer, and it may also be helpful to you.
LAWRENCE: Okay, thank you. (Pause) I know I had something else after that, but I seem to have forgotten ... oh yes!
I try to remember my dreams, and I’ve been trying to be more present in my dreams, if you will, but I just have this fear, and I want to know if there’s something I can do to increase my — I don’t know how you would term it — awareness. I’ve always been afraid of leaving my body, or ... well, I’ll leave it to you.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In this situation, as I have expressed this day, you are addressing to the element of fear, which is affecting of many, many expressions and areas of your focus presently, and has been for much time framework.
In this, there is an affectingness in many different types of expressions. Your allowance of memory of dream interaction and imagery is yet another area in which this fear is affecting.
I may express to you that you may allow yourself to be practicing in a time framework prior to your sleep state, in which you may be allowing yourself a brief relaxation and merely a reinforcement to yourself that you are safe and that you shall not betray you, and therefore no harmfulness shall befall you within your dream state.
Your sleep state is merely a time framework within your physical reality in which you allow yourself subjective communication. You allow yourself a time framework in which to be interactive with other aspects of you, other areas of consciousness, other aspects of essence, and in this, you shall not be hurtful to you.
LAWRENCE: Because I believe that we can offer ourselves valuable information in our dreams.
ELIAS: Quite. You are correct.
And in this, as you allow yourself a brief expression of relaxation prior to your sleep state, and you reinforce yourself objectively in the expression that you are safe and that you shall not be hurtful to you, as you practice with that exercise, you may allow yourself a genuine relaxation, and in that, you shall allow yourself memory of your dream interaction, for you shall dissipate elements of the fear.
LAWRENCE: I guess I’m just wondering about my own professional journey. I’ve been having a lot of conflict about if the job I’m doing now is what I really want to do, or should I devote myself to my other interests that I’ve been engaged in recently, or for the last few years. Can you comment at all on that?
ELIAS: The reason that you are questioning in this area now is that you are opening the door and allowing yourself a new avenue of movement into the trust of self. You are allowing yourself to view the creature of fear, (chuckling) and in this....
LAWRENCE: Oh boy, fear!
ELIAS: And in this, you are also opening the door to trust, and as you open the door to trust and battle the creature of fear, you also offer yourself motivations and rises, in a manner of speaking, within you of inspirations to BE trusting yourself, and this is the reason that you are questioning whether you may be engaging new activity in the expression of your individual creativity.
I am quite encouraging of you in these expressions. I shall also express to you, it matters not. It is your choice. I am encouraging of you to be creating pleasure and fun and joyfulness, and not to be creating obstacles and limitations and obligations! Ha ha!
LAWRENCE: Yes. So, you think I’m headed in the right direction?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking. I confirm that YOU perceive you are “headed in the right direction.” Ha ha ha ha! And I am encouraging of that perception, for that is the expression of your trust.
LAWRENCE: Do you say that to everybody?
ELIAS: To be encouraging of their trust?
LAWRENCE: No, their new creations, that they’re headed in the right direction as far as what they’re creating.
ELIAS: No. I am expressing to some individuals cautioning, and I am expressing to other individuals that they may be proceeding in the direction that they are creating, but they shall also not be creating their expectation. It is dependent upon the individual and why they are creating certain movements. Some individuals create movement merely to present certain aspects of beliefs or issues to themselves, not necessarily to be materializing gain.
LAWRENCE: Well, Mary did tell me to be careful about the hour, so I just want to say thank you, and I’m hoping to come see you in person one of these days.
ELIAS: Very well. I shall be anticipating our meeting objectively, physically. Ha ha ha ha! And we shall engage fun, and not so very much seriousness! Ha ha ha!
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I guess ... I hope!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! I express to you encouragement, and offer to you energy in affection. To you this day ...
LAWRENCE: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
ELIAS: ... au revoir.
Elias departs at 2:39 PM.
(1) I have changed one word in this phrase: “... the perception that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s reality, and you do not.” It was originally stated: “... the acceptance that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s reality, and you do not.”
© 2000 Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.