Exploring Intimate Relationships
Topics:
“Exploring Intimate Relationships”
“Battling the Creature of Fear”
Saturday, April 8, 2000
© 2000 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and a new participant,
Lawrence.
Elias arrives at 1:35 PM. (Arrival time is 25 seconds)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
LAWRENCE: Hi! (Elias chuckles) I guess I should just start
off with a question?
ELIAS: Very well. You may proceed.
LAWRENCE: Well, I guess my first question is, are Kim and I meant
to be together, the woman I’m currently seeing?
ELIAS: Interesting phraseology! Is this individual and yourself
“meant” to be together? This is implying some element of destiny!
(Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I guess! (Laughing) We’ve wondered about
it.
ELIAS: I shall express to you that you both engage several focuses
together other than this particular focus, which also influences this particular
focus and the connection, so to speak, that you perceive between the two
of you.
I shall also express to you that there is a recognition of the energy
that you exchange between the two of you, and within these present probabilities,
you are choosing to be continuing to interact with each other and create
relationship with each other.
As to the question of destiny and what shall you be creating futurely,
I shall express to you, this is your choice.
There is no destiny. You are not fated to be together, in your
terms. You are creating choices to be creating a relationship in
intimacy together, but you also hold choices to be discontinuing this action
futurely.
Therefore, I shall caution you in interaction that you may engage with
other individuals, for any other individual that may be attempting to lead
your thought process in the direction of expressing to you this type of
action of destiny or absolutes in future occurrences is offering you a
distortion of information and an expression of their individual beliefs.
LAWRENCE: We’ve been best friends for the last couple of years,
and then just all of a sudden, there was this intense kind of connection
beyond friendship, and the energy was intense, and we just wondered if
there were some deeper connections beyond this present life.
ELIAS: Which is what I have expressed to you. You do both
engage several other focuses together.
LAWRENCE: But there was some adversity recently. She has
a lot of physical pain due to some past experiences, and I didn’t know
if I could handle that. I guess I got myself scared. I’ve never
loved anyone like this, and I got scared.
I have this fear of someone being dependent on me, of her being too
needy or too dependent on me, and I guess it comes back to my own self.
I’m just wondering why I can’t give more to her, or what’s holding me back
from giving to her, if I’m being selfish or if I’m not able to fully love
her, those kinds of things.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and this is the point of your questioning
this day, and this is the information that you are genuinely seeking, not
information concerning destiny. (Grinning)
LAWRENCE: Right.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha! Therefore, we shall proceed in discussion
in this direction.
LAWRENCE: Okay.
ELIAS: In this, you are presenting yourself with a situation which
you are participating in, in creating with this individual quite purposefully,
and in this creation, you are offering yourself the opportunity to be viewing
self through the identification of the present wave in consciousness, which
addresses to the belief system of sexuality.
Therefore, in one respect, you are offering yourself the opportunity
to view and address to the different aspects of that belief system, which
you align with and which you allow to be influencing and affecting of your
perception.
Simultaneously, you are also allowing yourself to be receptive to the
energy which is being expressed within this shift in consciousness, which
lends a type of enhanced or more extreme expression to your viewing of
yourself.
This brings surfacely, in a manner of speaking, issues that have been
underlying for much time framework within your particular focus.
In this, you allow yourself to view your own creation of fears, why
you are creating of those fears, your own identifications of sexuality,
of self, of performance, of productivity, of responsibility. There
are many, many aspects of your reality that you are questioning presently.
LAWRENCE: Can you elaborate on that?
ELIAS: Yes. Now; in this, let us view this particular relationship
and the objective creations that you have been noticing recently.
Previously, you assess that the relationship has been created in the
context of friendship, and you hold a specific identification and definition
of friendship. You also recognize and notice that you have allowed
a movement of this friendship into what YOU identify or perceive to be
a different type of relationship, one that you define as more intimate
than what you identify as a friendship.
In this action, you call into question many aspects of yourself that
you are looking to address to now.
In this, you allow yourself to be noticing your own behaviors, your
own responses, which creates questions. Your responses are apprehension,
fear, uncomfortableness, a sense or a feeling of a lack of control, a sense
or what may be termed as a feeling of a lack of independence. There
are very specific aspects of beliefs that you associate with quite strongly.
You identify yourself in the role of a male individual, which within
your definition dictates certain behaviors. It dictates to you certain
responsibilities, certain actions, certain qualities of performance, not
merely sexually, but within interaction. You assume responsibility
for other individuals that you deem to be in your care if you are engaging
relationship with them.
Let me express to you, these are all aspects of beliefs. This
is not to say that they are not quite real, for they are projected to your
perception, and your perception creates that as your reality. Therefore,
they are quite real!
LAWRENCE: But of course I want to help her. I mean, I want
to....
ELIAS: Why?
LAWRENCE: Why? (Elias chuckles) Because I care about her.
ELIAS: Ah, and this is the expression of love.
LAWRENCE: I guess.
ELIAS: Another aspect of a belief system. (Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: What is the belief there?
ELIAS: That the expression of love with an individual that you
engage relationship with is to be helpful and to be offering the expression
of comfort in whichever manner you may objectively; that you shall assume
responsibility for the creation of another individual, and you shall “fix”
it for them.
LAWRENCE: Well, I know I can’t fix it for her. I mean, I
know she has to ultimately heal herself, but....
ELIAS: Or not.
LAWRENCE: Well, if she doesn’t heal herself, no one else can.
ELIAS: Quite, but this is a choice also.
LAWRENCE: Yeah....
ELIAS: And it is not YOUR choice. It is HER choice.
Your choice concerns whether you choose to participate in the acceptance
of her creations, or not.
LAWRENCE: So, if two people don’t share the same beliefs about
love and what it should be, then they shouldn’t be together?
ELIAS: I am not expressing this, and I shall express to you, both
of you quite DO share the same beliefs concerning love and relationships.
LAWRENCE: Yeah, but if we’re questioning those beliefs, then what
does that mean?
ELIAS: You are questioning those beliefs, that you may offer to
yourselves, together and individually, more freedom; the recognition that
you hold choices.
In this, as you recognize that you hold choices, as you recognize that
many of the elements of your reality that are creating conflict are influences
of your beliefs — which you allow to limit you and you allow to create
obstacles — and as you begin to recognize by calling into question these
beliefs, you also begin to afford yourselves objectively the power of choice
and the recognition of freedom, which is the point.
In this, if you are restricting yourself but you do not identify that
you are restricting yourself, how may you offer yourself freedom?
If you believe yourself to already be free, for you do not view your
restrictions or your limitations, how may you move into an actual freedom?
This is the reason that you are calling into question your beliefs,
that you may allow yourself to examine your motivation, what moves you
in the responses that you create.
You express to myself that this individual that you hold great affection
for experiences physical conflict, physical expressions that you deem to
be, in your belief systems, maladies.
In this, you create a response to her creation. Your response
is apprehension, uneasiness, a type of anxiety. You are not merely
questioning how you may be helpful to this individual. That statement
is a camouflage, for this is the expected response.
“I love this individual. I wish to be helpful to this individual.
Therefore, I seek a method to address to what is being created, that we
together may alter that creation and be healing to her, that she may enjoy
the fullness of life.” This is the camouflage.
The actual expression underlyingly is, “I love this individual.
I am choosing presently to be creating a relationship with this individual.
I am also experiencing fear, for I do not trust my ability to be accepting
of the choices of another individual.”
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I think that’s pretty accurate.
ELIAS: And, “I am not accepting of myself yet in the knowing that
I already hold freedom and the expression of independence regardless of
what I choose to be creating in relationships.”
LAWRENCE: Why am I questioning my ability?
ELIAS: You are moving into unfamiliar territory! (Chuckling)
LAWRENCE: Yeah, you can say that again!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha!
You are creating movement presently which is unfamiliar to you objectively,
and in that unfamiliarity, you question yourself and you question your
ability to be accomplishing.
And in THIS time framework, in the insertion of this shift in consciousness
into your reality and the energy surges which are occurring presently,
this merely emphasizes what you bring surfacely within yourself in your
questioning.
In this, I express to you, do not view this as an experience in negativity.
Do not experience this new adventure through the perception of discounting
yourself, but allow yourself to turn your perception slightly, and allow
yourself to view that though you are moving into unfamiliar territory in
this creation of relationship, you are also embarking upon an adventure
— an opportunity to view yourself, an opportunity to recognize and notice
your behaviors, your triggers, your beliefs, which influence your perception.
And THIS is all the opportunity for you to view how you create your
reality, and this offers you the objective viewing and realization of your
freedom.
LAWRENCE: But I’ve hurt her already. I’ve taken her trust
and I’ve thrown it in her face, and now it’s hard for her to trust me again.
ELIAS: Ah, and this matters not, for let me express to you quite
genuinely, perception is a tremendously valuable and powerful tool within
your physical reality, and you hold a tremendous ability to manipulate
and move perception. Merely by moving your perception, you also are
automatically altering your reality, which also is affecting of other individuals.
This individual holds affection for you also, in like manner to yourself.
In this, there is a willingness in desire to be creating an interconnectedness
objectively.
Now; this individual holds very strong beliefs, in like manner to yourself.
Therefore, she expresses to you that you have been hurtful to her and have
been destructive in part — not entirely, but in part — to her ability to
be trusting.
Now; first of all, let me express to you quite strongly, you may not
create another individual’s reality. Therefore, you may not express
to her that she is projecting energy in the role of victim in those statements.
LAWRENCE: I may not express to her?
ELIAS: Rather, you may objectively express this, but it may not
necessarily be received. You may not dictate to her that she receive
that information or that energy.
Therefore, you may not change her perception through dictation, but
you may be influencing of her perception through the alteration of YOUR
perception.
Listen to your own words: “I have already been hurtful. I have
already created a situation in which there is a lack of trust.”
Hear your words. These are powerful. In this, what you are
expressing is your belief and your perception of yourself, the perception
that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s reality, and
you do not.
Once you turn your perception, once you allow yourself to view that
you are acceptable, that you trust yourself and are accepting of yourself,
you shall not be projecting this type of energy.
I am not expressing to you that you have not projected energy in a hurtful
manner, for you have. I am not expressing to you that it has not
been received in a hurtful manner, for it has. What I AM expressing
to you is that these are not absolutes. This may be altered.
LAWRENCE: If I could ask one more question on this, and then maybe
move into another area.
ELIAS: You may.
LAWRENCE: This one young woman, who you may or may not be aware
of, I don’t know, but who I’ve been kind of obsessed with in the back of
my mind for the last eight or nine months, that was also affecting my judgment
and how I was feeling in this relationship. I was wondering if you
might be able to comment on that.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) This is your escape route.
LAWRENCE: I know I’m totally projecting, like I don’t even know
this woman, but I feel like maybe there’s a greater opportunity there,
or there may be a greater opportunity to fulfill what I feel is an ideal
relationship, I guess.
ELIAS: Aha. Once again, I shall express to you, this is
your escape route. You have incorporated this as your window of escape,
in that you view the possibility of creating intimacy in relationship with
one individual, but you hold open the window and allow your attention to
move in another direction.
This satisfies the beliefs that you hold which influence you in the
expression of fear, in a lack of independence, in a lack of control, in
the expression of another individual sapping your energy....
LAWRENCE: I’m sorry?
ELIAS: The expression that there is a possibility that another
individual that you may engage relationship with may sap your energy.
LAWRENCE: Sap?
ELIAS: Quite; deplete.
LAWRENCE: I view the person I’m escaping with has the potential
to sap my energy?
ELIAS: No; the individual that you move in the direction of creating
an intimate relationship with. You incorporate the second individual
as the escape window. It is a protection device, in a manner of speaking.
LAWRENCE: I guess that it goes back to not trusting myself enough,
and the fear. I guess the other major thing I wanted to discuss was
my Tourette’s Syndrome, and how that is related. I’ve been thinking
that it’s related to my fear of the universe in general, and I’m just wondering
if maybe you can shed any light on what that’s related to.
ELIAS: I may express to you first of all that the initial creation
of this expression, which you deem to be a malfunction, is not in actuality
a malfunction, but initially was chosen by yourself as an action that you
have incorporated into this particular focus to allow you a different avenue
of experiences, which move outside of the mass belief systems in moments;
not continuously, but within certain time frameworks.
You allow yourself partial expression of the officially accepted reality,
partial expression of alignment with mass belief systems, but you also
allow yourself another avenue of expression within this particular focus
which allows you a difference in perception, and also allows you the opportunity
to incorporate that difference of perception into your expression of creativity
in this focus.
Now; I shall also express to you that within this focus, you have distorted
that initial direction by assuming the mass belief systems and allowing
a tremendous influence of those mass belief systems, therefore placing
a judgment upon yourself that this “condition,” so to speak, is bad, that
it creates attacks upon you ... as though it were an entity of its own,
outside of yourself and QUITE outside of your creations!
LAWRENCE: I’ve been working on that, on trusting myself more and
loving the entirety of myself, but I feel like the condition ... I just
feel it’s kind of related to me being open as a person, and it’s influencing
my ability to be open and to give of myself.
ELIAS: You are quite correct. This is the influence of the
beliefs. The belief is that this is a condition, that this is a malfunction,
a malady. This is bad, and in this assessment, which you quite align
with, you also associate this with your ability to be producing.
You associate this with your expression of worth and value individually.
You associate this expression with what you term to be your confidence
within yourself, and you view questioningly to yourself, for you create
a fear of how you shall be perceived by other individuals.
LAWRENCE: How is it contributing to myself looking at things through
a different perception? How has it contributed to that?
ELIAS: For you are reinforcing continuously of yourself that you
are malfunctioning, and in this malfunction, you devalue, in your perception,
yourself. You are discounting your individual worth.
This influences quite strongly outwardly and objectively, for what you
believe of yourself and what you view within yourself is the energy that
you shall project outwardly to other individuals, and subsequently shall
also draw to yourself.
LAWRENCE: I’m not sure I totally understand.
ELIAS: If you are creating a measurement of your worth which is
quite devalued, and you are holding the belief that you are malfunctioning,
and you are not accepting of you, you shall project this energy outward
from yourself. This is what you believe, and your beliefs project
energy to your perception, and your perception creates your reality.
Therefore, what you believe becomes reality.
In this, as you devalue yourself, you create that as a reality, and
in that creation, you project outwardly, and this is the expression of
energy that you project and offer to other individuals: “I am not worthy.”
And in that projection, you need not ever express those words. The
energy shall be expressed and it shall be recognized by other individuals
that you encounter, and in the recognition of that energy, other individuals
shall be compliant with you and shall mirror to you what you believe.
LAWRENCE: How can I change my perception?
ELIAS: Ah! Now; now we move into the area of methods, and
in this, as you are all so very fond of methods, (laughing) I may express
to you that you alter the perception by turning your attention, and in
turning your attention, you allow yourself to move in increments, in steps,
and in these steps, you allow yourself to notice, and in the noticing,
you allow yourself to view all of the moments in which you are discounting
of yourself....
LAWRENCE: What do you mean by turning my attention?
ELIAS: Turn your attention to self rather than outside of self.
Let us view momentarily your scenario of your interaction with this
female individual. Your attention is quite strongly held outside
of yourself with her.
You concern yourself much with what she creates — with her thoughts,
with her emotions, with her feelings, with her creations, with her circumstances
— all that is occurring within her reality, you are holding your attention
within. In this time framework, you are NOT paying attention to YOU.
LAWRENCE: Well, ‘cause all she talks about is her problems.
I mean, that would be why, but....
ELIAS: You may be participating in conversation with another individual
— you may be listening to another individual — and you may also simultaneously
hold your attention with self.
And holding your attention with self creates a wondrous action, and
this wondrous action is the acceptance of self and the acceptance of the
other individual, in which no judgment is created, in which no draw or
pull to be altering another individual’s reality is created.
Wondrous expressions occur in holding your attention with self, and
it is not an expression of so very black and white as you perceive presently
— that either you shall be paying attention to this individual OR you shall
be paying attention to self.
LAWRENCE: What, like what I’m feeling and stuff?
ELIAS: You may be aware of you. Yes, partially what you
are feeling, what you are experiencing, what you are creating within your
thoughts.
As you create a thought process when you are listening in a conversation,
and you notice that your thoughts are entirely responsive to the other
individual, and your responses to the other individual move in directions
of solutions, you may stop yourself and recognize that this is your indication
to yourself that you are not paying attention to self any longer, for these
are not your creations. You are merely listening.
LAWRENCE: And if she asks for my advice?
ELIAS: If another individual is inquiring of you and in your terms
asking for your advice, in holding your attention with self, you may be
responding in what you yourself hypothetically or might be creating in
a similar scenario, not offering advice in the manner of the expression
of what she should be creating, for this is not for you to be offering.
What you may be offering is your assessment of how you possibly may
create your direction and your choices in a similar scenario.
LAWRENCE: That’s not easy.
ELIAS: No. In your objective terms, it is not easy yet,
for it is unfamiliar, and there are very strong automatic responses that
you create. I may be offering this information to you quite easily
and I may be expressing this to you in concepts, but I also am recognizing
that within your reality, there is a very strong pull in automatic responses.
I may express this very scenario to you in explanation of how you may
be addressing to the situation if another individual is asking for your
advice in a particular scenario, and you may be receiving this information
in concept, and I may also express to you quite realistically, I hold the
awareness that within the actual given scenario physically exhibited, there
is a tremendous likelihood that you shall express within an automatic response,
even in the attempt to be enacting the information that I have just given
to you.
This is a process. Do not be discounting of yourself. Do
not be chastising of yourself. Merely allow yourself the recognition
that you are moving into awareness, that you are moving away from automatic
responses and the tremendous influence of beliefs which create these automatic
responses.
But automatic responses ARE automatic! They require no thought.
They require no emotion. They are quite spontaneous, and in this,
allow yourself to relax, and recognize that as you practice, your automatic
responses shall dissipate, and you may replace them with other automatic
responses which are not tremendously influenced by your beliefs.
LAWRENCE: I’ve gotta ask this question, because it affects me
on a day-to-day basis.
ELIAS: Very well.
LAWRENCE: There’s this one woman at work that I absolutely can’t
stand and that drives me crazy. What is that stemming from?
I’ve been battling for months. Do you know what I’m talking about?
ELIAS: Quite. Now; I shall express to you that you have
encountered what you physically may term to be an opposite counterpart.
This individual and yourself share counterpart action, and in this particular
type of counterpart action, you repel each other in the manner of two magnets.
LAWRENCE: Yeah!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha!
LAWRENCE: No shit! Sorry, I don’t know if I can swear.
ELIAS: It matters not with myself! (Grinning)
LAWRENCE: I thought you’d say that!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha!
In this, you may allow yourself the recognition that you hold choices.
You may remove yourself from this individual if you are so choosing.
It is unnecessary that you push in your interaction with this individual.
You need not be engaging.
LAWRENCE: But she’s in the proximity. It’s so close!
ELIAS: I am understanding. It matters not. You may
be within the same room and not necessarily be interactive with another
individual.
LAWRENCE: Yeah, but when I’m trying to work, and she’s talking
or going into her high-pitched singing voice, I mean, how can I not let
that affect me? (Elias chuckles) I know it’s stupid, but....
ELIAS: You may initially practice in distraction. Allow
yourself to turn your attention into a distraction. You may even
allow yourself temporarily to envision or imagine this individual to be
nonexistent. You need not be interactive.
You may also engage the buffer. In this, you may be inquiring
of Michael subsequent to this session today, and he may be offering this
exercise to you.
Vic’s note: This really works! Refer to for more info.
LAWRENCE: Who is this? I’m sorry; I don’t think I heard
you.
ELIAS: Michael, the individual that facilitates this energy exchange.
LAWRENCE: Oh, okay.
ELIAS: In this, he may be offering to you information concerning
this exercise of the buffer, and it may also be helpful to you.
LAWRENCE: Okay, thank you. (Pause) I know I had something
else after that, but I seem to have forgotten ... oh yes!
I try to remember my dreams, and I’ve been trying to be more present
in my dreams, if you will, but I just have this fear, and I want to know
if there’s something I can do to increase my — I don’t know how you would
term it — awareness. I’ve always been afraid of leaving my body,
or ... well, I’ll leave it to you.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In this situation, as I have
expressed this day, you are addressing to the element of fear, which is
affecting of many, many expressions and areas of your focus presently,
and has been for much time framework.
In this, there is an affectingness in many different types of expressions.
Your allowance of memory of dream interaction and imagery is yet another
area in which this fear is affecting.
I may express to you that you may allow yourself to be practicing in
a time framework prior to your sleep state, in which you may be allowing
yourself a brief relaxation and merely a reinforcement to yourself that
you are safe and that you shall not betray you, and therefore no harmfulness
shall befall you within your dream state.
Your sleep state is merely a time framework within your physical reality
in which you allow yourself subjective communication. You allow yourself
a time framework in which to be interactive with other aspects of you,
other areas of consciousness, other aspects of essence, and in this, you
shall not be hurtful to you.
LAWRENCE: Because I believe that we can offer ourselves valuable
information in our dreams.
ELIAS: Quite. You are correct.
And in this, as you allow yourself a brief expression of relaxation
prior to your sleep state, and you reinforce yourself objectively in the
expression that you are safe and that you shall not be hurtful to you,
as you practice with that exercise, you may allow yourself a genuine relaxation,
and in that, you shall allow yourself memory of your dream interaction,
for you shall dissipate elements of the fear.
LAWRENCE: I guess I’m just wondering about my own professional
journey. I’ve been having a lot of conflict about if the job I’m
doing now is what I really want to do, or should I devote myself to my
other interests that I’ve been engaged in recently, or for the last few
years. Can you comment at all on that?
ELIAS: The reason that you are questioning in this area now is
that you are opening the door and allowing yourself a new avenue of movement
into the trust of self. You are allowing yourself to view the creature
of fear, (chuckling) and in this....
LAWRENCE: Oh boy, fear!
ELIAS: And in this, you are also opening the door to trust, and
as you open the door to trust and battle the creature of fear, you also
offer yourself motivations and rises, in a manner of speaking, within you
of inspirations to BE trusting yourself, and this is the reason that you
are questioning whether you may be engaging new activity in the expression
of your individual creativity.
I am quite encouraging of you in these expressions. I shall also
express to you, it matters not. It is your choice. I am encouraging
of you to be creating pleasure and fun and joyfulness, and not to be creating
obstacles and limitations and obligations! Ha ha!
LAWRENCE: Yes. So, you think I’m headed in the right direction?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking. I confirm that YOU perceive
you are “headed in the right direction.” Ha ha ha ha! And I
am encouraging of that perception, for that is the expression of your trust.
LAWRENCE: Do you say that to everybody?
ELIAS: To be encouraging of their trust?
LAWRENCE: No, their new creations, that they’re headed in the
right direction as far as what they’re creating.
ELIAS: No.
LAWRENCE: No?
ELIAS: No. I am expressing to some individuals cautioning,
and I am expressing to other individuals that they may be proceeding in
the direction that they are creating, but they shall also not be creating
their expectation. It is dependent upon the individual and why they
are creating certain movements. Some individuals create movement
merely to present certain aspects of beliefs or issues to themselves, not
necessarily to be materializing gain.
LAWRENCE: Well, Mary did tell me to be careful about the hour,
so I just want to say thank you, and I’m hoping to come see you in person
one of these days.
ELIAS: Very well. I shall be anticipating our meeting objectively,
physically. Ha ha ha ha! And we shall engage fun, and not so
very much seriousness! Ha ha ha!
LAWRENCE: Yeah, I guess ... I hope!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! I express to you encouragement, and
offer to you energy in affection. To you this day ...
LAWRENCE: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
ELIAS: ... au revoir.
Elias departs at 2:39 PM.
FOOTNOTES:
(1) I have changed one word in this phrase: “...
the perception that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s
reality, and you do not.” It was originally stated: “... the acceptance
that you hold the power to be creating another individual’s reality, and
you do not.”
© 2000 Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.