Independence vs. Intimacy
“Independence vs. Intimacy”
“Fulfillment in Relationships”
“Experiences Are Not Absolutes”
Thursday, January 13, 2000
© 2000 (Private/phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Lynda (Ruther).
Elias arrives at 11:54 AM. (Arrival time is 20 seconds)
ELIAS: Good morning!
LYNDA: Hello. Breathing, relaxing, being in the moment, talking to my friend Elias....
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! Very well!
LYNDA: Okay, can I ask you some questions?
ELIAS: You may.
LYNDA: I was taking a shower a few days ago, and I was mulling in my head something that I haven’t discussed with you. This was kind of a recent mulling about transition, and I found myself thinking about when I believe transition started for me. At first I thought it was when I came back from Brazil in early 1991, and then I thought, no, it was 1992, when I began to leave the church, and my husband and I split, and all that stuff happened. Just as I thought 1992, it felt right and I got a blue dot, and I think that was you, and I think I started transition in 1992. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
LYNDA: Okay. I started to go back into the transcripts and read about transition, and then I stopped myself and thought I would discuss it with you firsthand, because I want to hear your take on transition as it applies to me.
But first, I want to tell you that this also ties into the experiences that I have allowed myself since that time framework, which are definitely valid, very real experiences that I am starting to accept about me and look at in a different perspective than I ever have before. I think me just being able to say to you that I started transition in 1992 is evidence of that. Do you know what I mean?
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LYNDA: Okay. Thank you.
I don’t know why I have conceptualized the idea of experiences, but my experiences are how I validate myself to me, and it’s helpful to me to know that the experiences I have chosen are ... I know they’ve been freighted in a lot of fear, and I also know that looking at them now, as I’m beginning to identify the beliefs related to them that trigger that fear, I’m really glad I had all those experiences, and I’m glad that they’re not bad! (Laughing) They were bad to me at the time, and they were hurtful to me, but what I want to say to you is, the undercurrent of those experiences were me moving out of fear.
God, that sounds ... Elias, it’s hard to say in words what I’m trying to impart to you, and I know I don’t need to, but I need to! So, the undercurrent of me moving myself through these experiences is that the experiences have been very, very, very intense, and I’m really glad I had them, and I want you to make a comment on that, okay?
ELIAS: Your experiences offer you an objective source of imagery, that you may allow yourself to view in objective terms, and in many situations, your experiences do validate information to you, and allow you to be understanding yourself and accepting of yourself or trusting of yourself many times.
Now; I shall also express to you that what you may allow yourself to be wary of is the movement into the direction of looking at your experiences as absolutes, for your experiences move in conjunction with you as consciousness and energy, and they are continuously changing. Therefore, although they may be offering you validation in many situations, they also, in themselves, each are not absolutes.
Therefore, as you continue your movement through probabilities, creating probabilities and altering your experiences, I shall express to you not to be viewing those experiences that you label as past as being an absolute, and therefore creating a type of foundation, so to speak, upon those experiences, for in that type of movement or action, you also begin narrowing your choices and not allowing yourself to be widening your awareness.
You create experiences in this physical reality to offer you information and to allow you, in an objective manner, to assimilate and understand, objectively, movement that you are creating, choices that you are creating, and also to allow you, in objective terms, an understanding of self and your interaction with your universe, so to speak, in physical terms.
Therefore, it is quite beneficial to you to be creating experiences within this physical dimension, and this IS the purpose, so to speak, of your manifestation in this physical dimension, for this is the manner in which you create an objective understanding of your physical dimension and of yourself.
I am merely expressing to you that many individuals move themselves in a direction of perception which associates experiences with absolutes, and therefore, as you create an experience within self, you begin projecting outwardly that your experience — or what you have created in your experience — is an absolute, and therefore holds true, so to speak, with all other situations and individuals.
In this, your experiences are created through your individual perception. Your perception IS what creates your reality, but it is not an absolute, even within self. For as I have stated, experiences change — YOU change them. You may be creating a scenario within your focus, and you may be offering yourself one experience. You may in actuality create a déjà vu, so to speak, and create the same scenario and offer yourself a different experience.
You may look to your interaction with this information in its written form. You may allow yourself to read a transcription of one interaction in a particular session, and you may offer yourself one experience. You may engage that same action of reading that same transcription in another time framework, and you shall offer yourself a different experience.
This holds through all of your focus and all of the experiences that you create. You create your experiences within the moment, in the probability that you are creating in the moment, to offer yourself information and an understanding in the moment.
LYNDA: Yes. Would this be in alignment with what Mary and I were just discussing, about how I am speaking to you now, but the session may not actually get transcribed for six months? That was very much a parallel action of what happened when I was with the other group. There would be a message, and we would edit it but not actually get it out until six months later, and it would take on a different perspective. Is that like what you are saying, partially?
ELIAS: Partially, for the information may be the same. Your interpretation of the information, your assimilation of the information, and your perception of the information, which all contribute to your experience with the information, may be different within different time frameworks.
LYNDA: Well, because I’m in the process of identifying beliefs, I’m still noticing quite a lot and feeling quite a lot and experiencing conflict, and along with that, I am stopping and identifying ... I need to be more specific with you, and I will. But I think that the identification of beliefs is lessening conflict for me, and that’s an experience for me.
LYNDA: Okay, so the identification point that I’m in right now is definitely ... I’m experiencing less conflict. In one sense, I’m experiencing an intensity, like you told me this step two thing was, and I want to address to a specific instance. But generally, the identifying of beliefs is giving me the experience of relaxing more and trusting my responses, and this is a new experience for me. It’s easier to trust when I’m feeling happy and free ... or not easier. I label being happy and free as better. I know it’s not necessarily better and I understand that a little more now, but I am actually not judging myself as intensely every time I have what I call an unseemly or a bad emotional reaction to something. I am looking at it differently, as me trying to tell me something rather than me being automatically bad and offensive. Do you understand what I mean? This is a big deal to me, Elias.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LYNDA: Okay. Well, can I give you some specifics?
ELIAS: You may.
LYNDA: Okay. I told you about this man, and I am giving him and me, which is very usual for me, mixed signals, and I am relating it to a very similar action that I have done in other situations with other guys in my life. I want to identify ... I think it’s tied into the whole wave of the belief system of sexuality, and I also believe that the aspect I’m touching is ... okay, let me see if I can dissect this in my little Sumafi way here. I’m scared to have a relationship with this guy (laughing) because I don’t trust my motivation. It’s not that I don’t trust it, but I am observing ... well, I don’t trust it. But I am observing, and I’m getting a red flag because my motivation is mixed. I do not want to go into a situation that ... because this situation I’m in now is uncomfortable for me.
I want to be a beacon, and I don’t think I’m being a beacon. I think I am trying to control something rather than just let it happen, and the game I’m playing with myself is, if he calls me, then that is something outside of me that I can respond to, because there’s a strong aspect of this belief system of sexuality in this mating game, that the guy is supposed to call you. I’ve played this little game with him for the last month, and I saw him at the gym yesterday, and I realized that he really does want to interact with me, and I’m the one who is afraid to interact with him, and I want to identify that belief, and also tell you that I don’t want a relationship with a man right now ... I don’t know if I want a relationship. It scares me because it’s not San Francisco. It’s not what I really want, and I’m afraid I’ll settle, and I’m letting myself say all that and observe it because it’s a very familiar pattern to me. So I’m going to be quiet and see what you have to say about that.
ELIAS: (Chuckling) The reason you are experiencing conflict and confusion is that you are presenting yourself with conflicting aspects of beliefs.
In this, in one direction you are presenting yourself with the mass beliefs, and the aspect of the belief that you also align with [is] that you shall be fulfilled if you are coupling yourself with another individual, and that you shall provide yourself with security and safety and many other expressions objectively that you seek, for you shall derive these from outside of yourself through the coupling with another individual.
Now; you also hold an alignment to another aspect of beliefs which expresses to you that you need be independent and watchful of yourself, and expressive of yourself not in alignment with another individual, and that you need be “learning” — another aspect — to be caring for yourself in that independence.
You also involve another aspect of beliefs in which you look to your role in gender. In one direction, you express an alignment with the aspect that is expressive of, “you hold the gender of female within this focus, and therefore must be moving in an independent, self-sufficient expression, and not creating a dependency upon the male gender.”
Another aspect which you also align with simultaneously expresses that you are participating in the role of the softer, more frail gender, and that your role in this manifestation in this particular choice of gender is associated and should be the expression of dependency and frailty and the allowance another individual to be caring for you, and you associate that aspect with the allowance of the creation of what you define as love.
Therefore, you are experiencing simultaneously an alignment with many different aspects of beliefs which are in conflict with each other.
In this, you create two generalizations to be identifying objectively to yourself these two opposing, so to speak, directions of your alignment with beliefs, and in these generalizations, you merely express, “I wish to be engaging in a relationship with a partner, and simultaneously I wish not to be engaging in a partnership in relationship.”
One you express in the direction of, “I want to be engaging an intimate relationship with another individual,” and the other expression is set forth in the identification of, “I am fearful or I am not ready or I am not secure enough within self to be engaging intimacy in relationship.” Therefore, you are battling within yourself.
I shall express to you, both directions are accurate, both directions are real, and you are aligning with and expressing and experiencing both. In actuality, you DO wish to be engaged in the involvement, so to speak, of an intimate relationship, and simultaneously you do NOT wish to be involved in intimacy in a relationship.
And in this, I express to you that you may allow yourself to view all of the aspects, which shall offer you the whys of both expressions, and in allowing yourself to view why you are aligning with all of these aspects simultaneously, what you shall allow yourself to be discovering is that the commonality of all of these aspects of beliefs, which appear to be in opposition to each other objectively, is that all of these expressions move in the expression of duplicity, and reinforce the unsteadiness of your movement into your trust and acceptance of self.
For I shall express to you that the movement in the alignment with psychological beliefs — that express to you that you need be independent and assertive and caring for self — in the manner that these expressions are set forth and assimilated by you and by other individuals also, [they] are a camouflaged expression of the same reinforcement of a lack of trust and a lack acceptance of self, for it is a discounting of your natural expressions of emotion, and it is also an expression which sets forth the automatic assumption that you are presently not creating your reality efficiently and therefore need be striving to be better, for you are not already — or now — sufficient in your expression.
Therefore, this is not a reinforcement of acceptance or trust of self, for it merely camouflages its expression into the striving to be attaining or acquiring a quality which you view to be outside of yourself now, and once you attain or acquire that quality and apply that quality to self, then you may proceed and move into a choice of either engaging or not engaging a relationship in intimacy with another individual, but you are not qualified presently to be creating those types of choices, for you have not yet acquired the quality that is a necessity to you to be creating that type of choice.
Are you understanding how the camouflage is created to be offering you the thought process that you may be trusting of self if you are pulling back, in your physical terms, and not engaging a choice until the point that you have attained the expression of independence first?
LYNDA: Sounds like procrastination to me.
ELIAS: Not necessarily procrastination, but a movement quite in conjunction with the influence of these mass beliefs.
LYNDA: Which are pretty intense, if you ask me. I’m not saying that negatively — I’m just saying that these are huge mass beliefs.
ELIAS: You are quite correct. Mass belief systems are very strong.
LYNDA: And I’m kinda ... I feel that in this instance, Elias, I’m aware that I am becoming maybe not tired enough, but I’m starting to get tired of beating, banging, bruising my nose against this wall.
ELIAS: I may express to you, many individuals are moving in very similar manner to yourself presently. This is what I am expressing to you all presently as the action of redefining your terms and redefining your reality, and this is creating much confusion and is also creating conflict and difficulty within many, many individuals throughout your planet.
I express to you that the aspect of beliefs that influences you and directs your attention in the movement of attempting to be acquiring qualities and expressions outside of yourself is a very strong energy expression within mass beliefs.
LYNDA: Can I make a comment here?
LYNDA: I want to address myself a little bit, and my frame of reference is a feeling, a knowing. The only way I can say this is, I know there is a difference between those times when I allow myself to peak or experience not being afraid, and that’s when I know a little bit more than conceptually that I will be able to make free choices, because at this point, I am amazed when you say, you will view more choices or you have not viewed all of your choices. I mean, I have limited my choices. I understand what you are saying about limiting my choices, and when I tune into me or the aspect that I think is my essence, which I know I am making a distinction and we are in the process of addressing to that distinction, but there is a distinction from the mass belief influence, and those moments when I am in my now place and relaxed — and I know I’ve talked to you about this about a zillion times — but I am experiencing more of those moments recently than I think I have allowed myself before, and that’s really all I can say. This aligns pretty mightily with the control opportunity I am giving myself in this living situation, but I honestly don’t know what to say except I do understand at times what you are saying about me and the wondrousness of me and the dearness of me and the calm of me, and I don’t know what else to say. You talked about me ripping the wall between other aspects of myself with my fingernails or something like that, and I reach a point and I’m at that point again, and this time it’s freighted with much less fear and condemnation, and I want to acknowledge that in myself.
I don’t know what else to say to you. I mean, I want to talk to you more, but do you understand what I mean?
ELIAS: Quite, and I shall be acknowledging of you also, and I shall also express to you, it matters not, in your terms, how many times we are discussing these subject matters, for I do not grow weary of our continued interaction.
I may be continuing to express to you, many, many times, so to speak, similar or the same subjects and concepts, and it matters not, for I choose to continue to be interactive to the point that you have assimilated objectively the understanding of these concepts and no longer seek out this interaction, for you have attained, so to speak, within you all that you seek to be accomplishing.
And in this, I am acknowledging of you in this now that you ARE accomplishing. Do not look to what you have not accomplished. Do not look to what you think of as what need be acquiring within you, but allow yourself to continue in your relaxing with self, and allow yourself to acknowledge that although you may not view objectively all of the qualities that you hold, you do hold them.
LYNDA: Right. I appreciate that. When we talk like this, I keep getting this feeling that I’m talking to myself. I mean, this will sound silly to you, but I keep thinking that when I ask you for validation of other focuses or peripheral information I’m getting outside of my objective now reality, I think, what? Is Ruther like standing next to Elias, and Elias looks over at Ruther and says, “Is that right?” and Ruther says, “Yeah, that’s right.” I’m being funny here, but there’s a merging happening in my heart place between you and me that I can’t quite put into words. There aren’t any words to describe what I’m feeling. Are you understanding what I am saying?
ELIAS: I am quite understanding....
LYNDA: Would you say more about what I’m saying, because I keep thinking about it and I keep wanting to talk to you about it.
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, you are correct, for in a manner of speaking, as you are objectively speaking with myself, you are also speaking with yourself.
You are allowing yourself an opening and a channel, so to speak, to be listening to self and to be hearing your voice, your self, your essence, through the interaction that we exchange, and an element of this is the subjective interaction which occurs in our exchange of energy as we engage this objection action of discussion. Therefore, you allow yourself more of an opening and more of an expression of familiarity with you, with essence.
I am expressing to you also an acknowledgment and a validation that in actuality, you are — in an abstract manner of speaking — creating a type of mergence. You are not merging in actuality with essence, for you ARE essence, but you are allowing yourself the mergence of your objective awareness and your thought process with the knowing of your energy, and allowing your emotion and thought to merge, and allowing the objective awareness [of] a type of mergence with the mere being of essence; not merely the knowing of essence, for this also offers you a type of connotation that to know some element, it must be separated from you, but the being of essence as merged with the knowing of essence.
LYNDA: God, only you could say that right! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! And I shall express to you that within this mergence that you are creating, you shall also express in this manner! Ha ha ha!
LYNDA: I don’t know! Can we talk about my book a little?
ELIAS: If you are so choosing.
LYNDA: I am so choosing. I have a very distinct personality, as we all do, and the last time we spoke about this book, I just put the book down. I figured the book was not only an expression of my lack of acceptance of Mormons and Nazis and certain other minorities, but reflected my lack of acceptance of me, and I just flushed the entire book down the toilet. I just want you to know, but you already know that I did that, and I know that you know that I know, and I also want you to know that I had a “picking up the book” spurt recently, and another layer of flow happened that was just hysterically funny to me, and very much, I think, in alignment with my desire — or an aspect of my desire — and intent. I may go back in and take out the negative references to Mormons and Nazis, but that’s just a little aspect, because the tenor of the whole thing seems to me to be very Sumafi/Vold, and if I can’t change ... you know how Volds like to change everybody’s reality? I figured I could write a book, and whoever wanted their reality changed could read my book, and that way I could do it on a mass level and have fun. Of course, there are a lot of beliefs relating to this, like I don’t have a job, I need the money, and if I didn’t need the money, would I write this book? That opens up the whole belief system with regard to employment, which we can discuss, but I would just like you to know that I’m definitely aware that I’m addressing those beliefs as I write the book. I want to tell you that this book is just hysterically funny, and I think it will reach a sector of people with the information of this shift in consciousness. It might be an avenue, if they are so choosing, which I don’t know. I do know this — this book is really fun for me to write, and is sort of an unfolding of me. Are you understanding?
ELIAS: I am quite understanding.
LYNDA: Will you talk to me so I can like ... I’ve said all that, and would you make a comment?
ELIAS: Let me express to you, Ruther, continue in your expression of fun. Allow yourself not to be concerning yourself objectively with the elements of your physical reality that reinforce doubt and fear. Merely allow yourself to be continuing in your creative expression in fun, and in this, you shall allow yourself a free flow of energy, as you already have begun, and I am acknowledging of that movement.
You shall also allow yourself within this experience more of your validation to self of your abilities and your allowance of trust within yourself. Therefore, I am quite encouraging of you in this action.
LYNDA: You called me Ruther! (Elias chuckles and Lynda cracks up) You’ve only called me Ruther one time, and the whole time you haven’t been calling me Ruther, even though I just said to you that I’m aware I’m talking to myself, I need you to call me Ruther once in a while, ‘cause that means you know me and you’re calling me by my name.
ELIAS: I quite know you! (Chuckling)
LYNDA: What did you just say?
ELIAS: I quite know you. (Chuckling)
LYNDA: My blue and yellow blanket that I got when I first came into the church is still with me, and ... oh, it’s blue and white, and I just lost it emotionally. Here’s what I did. I sensed that you’ve known me a long time. It’s just amazing that you’ve known me a long time, and I can’t get over it. Anyway, I love not getting over it. But then I immediately thought, it’s me. It’s not Elias, it’s me, but it’s Elias. You and me are different in our tone, are we not?
ELIAS: Ah, we are, but I shall also express to you, this is your allowance and your offering to yourself of what I have identified as the remembrance — the recognition objectively that within consciousness, there is no separation.
LYNDA: God, I love that. It’s very special and very dear. (Elias chuckles) I’d say thank you, but I’d have to thank me too, so I’ll thank both of us, and I know I don’t NEED to, but I don’t know what else to say except ... I know. It gives me a lot of pleasure.
ELIAS: Very well, and allow yourself merely this expression without excusing your expression!
LYNDA: Okay, okay. May I ask you — God that was so cool — may I ask you a couple more things, and then I’ll let you go and I will talk to you in a couple of weeks, God willing and the creek don’t rise?
ELIAS: You may.
LYNDA: Okay. Ever since you validated that my color was aqua, it had a profound effect on me. I experienced a feeling of stability, is the only way I can describe it, because whatever else is going on with all these myriads of beliefs I’m working through, quite simply, I am aqua, and the feeling ... I felt the color of aqua, in a manner of speaking, and it was like going home or something. It was like that experience I had with my bedroom slippers, and it continues to be delightful to me, so I want to acknowledge that to you. It also reminded me of a geometric pattern I saw for quite a while, of aqua and black diamonds and squares. It was a geometric pattern, and I’ve wondered about that, and then I read Ashrah’s transcript, which was very helpful to me. Thank you, Ashrah, for struggling through fear. I certainly appreciate it ‘cause it helped me. But is that a focus in another dimension, that geometric pattern? (Pause)
ELIAS: No. It is an expression of an action which is created within another dimensional focus.
LYNDA: Another dimensional focus?
LYNDA: That is not me, that is not my essence?
ELIAS: Yes, this is an expression of your essence, but it is not how you would be viewing the actual focus. But what you have viewed in geometric pattern is the translation of an action, not a thing.
LYNDA: Oh! I say “oh” like I know what you just said! (Cracking up) I kinda get it.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha!
LYNDA: That is so cute. It’s so cute to be physically focused and not remember what the fuck you’re talking about! (Cracking up, and Elias chuckles) I want to keep laughing about it because it’s okay with me. I mean, this is what I figure — I figure I have eternity. I have time to experience eternity! (Elias chuckles) It just makes me realize how dear to me Lynda is right now, because I/she/we are experiencing this, and it really is JUST DIFFERENT.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha!
LYNDA: It’s such a weird concept! Oh anyway, I’ll let you go, but of course I’ll ask you if you have any final words for your Ruther, who adores you.
ELIAS: Let me merely express to you an encouragement to continue allowing yourself the viewing of this quality of color which you have allowed yourself in simplicity to experience, for this shall be reminding you objectively of the simplicity of your movement within this objective physical focus, and within the moments that you identify yourself to be complicating and creating confusion through complication of ideas or creations within your focus presently, allow yourself to be experiencing the simplicity of this color, and this may be helpful to you as a reminder to be expressing the simplicity.
LYNDA: Elias, when I saw my friend yesterday, he was talking to me about the 587 questions that the psychiatrist gave him to answer — one of which was, “Do you hear other voices?” — and I saw a strip of aqua above his head, and I thought, oh my dog, he’s a focus of mine and I’m not accepting him, and if I don’t accept him, oy oy oy! But is that what that was, to show me simplicity, or both?
LYNDA: That is so interesting. Wow. Okay, thank you.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha!
LYNDA: (Laughing) You understand, ooooooooo (making a ghost sound). Thank you, thank you, thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome. I offer to you, as always, much affection, and anticipate our next meeting. To you this day, au revoir.
LYNDA: Au revoir my friend.
Elias departs at 12:52 PM.
© 2000 Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2000 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.