Conflict in Relationships
“Conflict in Relationships”
Friday, April 2, 1999 © 1999 (Phone/Private)
Participants: Mary (Michael), and one new participant, Gina (Bahlah).
Elias arrives at 1:37 PM. (arrival time is 20 seconds)
ELIAS: Good morning! (Smiling)
GINA: Hello! How are you?
ELIAS: As always!
GINA: Good! I’ve been waiting to talk to you for a long time now. Okay, I have some questions I need to ask.
ELIAS: Very well.
GINA: Okay, my brother has spoken with you before, and he’s kind of told me a lot of the different objective and subjective ways, so I’m trying to understand that. So I think I’ve got it down pat, and I’ve got my questions ready. So just bear with me, okay?
ELIAS: Very well. You may proceed.
GINA: Okay, alrighty. He was telling me about focuses. He was telling me that I have an essence name of Bahlah?
GINA: How many focuses do I have?
ELIAS: Within this physical dimension, you hold forty-four focuses.
GINA: Forty-four. Okay, and in these focuses, was I ever a dancer?
GINA: I was. Where? Do you know where I was? Was it like in the Mid-East somewhere, or in Europe?
ELIAS: You hold one focus in what you would term to be northern Africa — that location which is designated by the country of Egypt — in which you perform this activity of dance. You also hold a focus in what you would term to be the country of Greece, in which you engage this same type of activity. You also hold another focus in the area which would be designated as Poland presently, in which you also engage this type of activity.
GINA: Wow. Okay, do I have any focuses in Hawaii?
ELIAS: Yes; not within this present now, but in what you would term to be past focus as a Polynesian native.
GINA: Okay, alright. What about as a photographer? Are any of my focuses a photographer?
ELIAS: One of the focuses of your essence within this present time framework engages this activity of photography.
GINA: Oh, wow. Okay, alrighty. What about as far as a focus, past or now, that has to do with make-up, modeling, anything like that, anything that has to do with that sort of interest?
ELIAS: The one focus that you hold in the location of Egypt also engages this activity elaborately, and you also hold another focus of essence in the location of Brussels, within a past focus in the last century, which engages this activity also.
GINA: Okay. What about as far as a famous focus? Do I have any predominate famous focuses, now or past?
ELIAS: You hold one focus pastly which holds relative fame, in your terms, in the area of acting and singing. This would be in the physical location of Italy.
GINA: Italy, okay. Now, can you say this again? It was a past focus, correct?
GINA: Okay. Could you give me a time frame?
ELIAS: This focus occupies the time framework of what you would term to be the beginning of this century present, within the time framework of nineteen-hundreds and thirties.
Vic’s note: Interesting terminology for a date, eh? I’m assuming this is referring to the 1930’s.
GINA: Okay. Okay, my husband. I know ... I was told I have a focus with my husband, I guess in a past life. Do I have any other focuses with him?
ELIAS: You hold one future focus and four other past focuses.
GINA: Okay, four others. Can you tell me a little bit more about those focuses?
ELIAS: One moment. (Pause) You hold one focus with this individual in the relationship of siblings, in the physical location of what you term now to be Argentina within your South America. You hold another focus with this individual pastly, in the physical location of Netherlands. This would be within the time framework of your 17th century, 1600’s. You hold another focus with this individual in the physical location of South Africa, in what you term to be early 1800’s. In this particular focus, you would be incorporating British nationality and hold the relationship of partners. You also hold a focus with this individual in the physical location of Greece, relationship being that of parent and child; yourself being female within that focus, and your partner being in the role of father.
GINA: Hmm. Okay, interesting. Okay, thanks. I’m going to go ahead and flip to a different kind of question here.
One of the things that I’ve been observing is, I’ve been waking up startled, hearing a clanking sound, and then feeling a presence. I’ve been seeing a lot of different things, like I can see things on my wall. I don’t what it is, sort of like silver dots, and they move, you know? I know it’s a presence, and I was just wondering if you can explain to me exactly what it is.
ELIAS: This is yourself offering to yourself, in your objective awareness, the recognition of energy — which may be translated into your physical dimension by essence — not within physical form. Many essences are interactive with individuals within this dimension, but are not necessarily materializing or manifesting within physical form, but their energy is interactive regardless.
Now; in this, as you hold an alignment in this particular focus which is involving itself in the action of this shift as being directed by this particular family, you are allowing yourself to be opening to the energy movement in conjunction with this family in relation to this shift in consciousness. (Gina is aligned with Borledim)
Therefore, what you are observing is movement of energy which is lending energy to you in the action of this shift in consciousness in relation to this essence family, and you are allowing yourself to open to your awareness, that you may recognize the movement of energy. Are you understanding?
GINA: Yes, I am. Now, how can I be more helpful to myself, I guess, in having more understanding of this energy? Because I know I’ve been very aware, in the last probably eight months, of something that’s been going on. I think I was very fearful of it at first, but I am now opening my subjective ... is that the right word? I’m opening myself up to more awareness of it. So how can I open myself up to it more, to where I can be more absorbing of what is going on?
ELIAS: This energy that presents itself to you is merely a lending of energy within the action of this shift, and you are opening your awareness objectively to this movement and to the presence of this energy. It has offered you an objective type of expression, that you shall be allowing yourself to be noticing of this energy.
Now; in this, the energy which is lent in this situation is not necessarily to be offering you a specific message, so to speak, but merely to be making its presence known objectively to you, that you may hold an awareness that you may be drawing upon this energy in helpfulness to yourself to be moving you through your own beliefs and issues more easily in conjunction with this shift in consciousness.
Now; in this, you may be engaging merely an allowance of yourself to be accepting of this energy, and noticing that as it is presenting itself — if you are allowing yourself to be relaxing into the presence of this energy — you may also identify certain elements of your focus that you may be experiencing difficulty within or conflict within, within that moment or time framework, and this energy may be used, so to speak, to be helpful to yourself in addressing to those situations and allowing you to be moving through those types of situations more easily.
GINA: Okay, one more question. I was asking my brother ‘cause he’s been trying to explain a lot to me. The energy ... I understand the energy thing. Is there... okay, you talk about like your essence is your guide. Is that correct? It helps you. It helps you assimilate information and be comfortable with different things. You’re saying that this family is giving this energy to me. Now, is that all that there is? It’s just a family, just one? There’s nothing else that’s here? Nothing else like another ... I don’t know how to explain it. I had an experience in my garage last week where I felt a presence. Now, was that my essence? Was that my essence? Because it moved — it moved my sink! I saw it move, and I was just really interested. Was that my essence speaking to me?
ELIAS: No. This would be the same expression of energy in which you have described within other experiences that are occurring with you.
In this, let me express to you, many times essences may be focusing energy and may be in actuality moving physical objects or affecting physical objects within your physical dimension, or may appear in the type of expression that you may be experiencing what you may think of as an individual moving through your room, but as you turn your gaze to view the individual, you do not see any such individual. You are merely aware of the energy moving within a type of form that you perceive to be an individual. This would be what we may fondly express to you as “ghost impressions.” (Chuckling)
This movement is quite common within physical focus. This is merely the movement of energy — which may be connected to an individual essence which is merely allowing you the awareness of its presence — that you may be offering yourself the realization of the reality that there is more within your physical dimension than those elements that you may visually see.
GINA: Alright, okay. This is so interesting! Okay, I’m gonna go to the next question. Why am I experiencing conflict right now? I’ve been experiencing a lot of conflict!
ELIAS: Let me express to you that the conflict that you are experiencing and offering to yourself is an opportunity for you to be viewing self and to be more clearly evaluating your own creations and your own participation in situations and interactions with yourself and with other individuals.
In this, within this present time framework you may be experiencing an emphasis in this situation, which is bringing this to your attention more intensely. What you are moving into is, as you continue to be experiencing these conflicts, you are also allowing yourself to open to self more fully and allow[ing] yourself to be more accepting and trusting of yourself.
Let me offer you a type of example.
Many individuals within physical focus allow themselves a period of time to be struggling with themselves within conflict. These same individuals eventually tire of their participation within these conflicts. As they are continuing within these conflicts — as with yourself — they are not allowing themselves to view in actuality what is creating the conflict. The conflict is stemming from their own lack of acceptance and trust within themselves, and the allowance of the beliefs — of not merely themselves but other individuals — to be strongly influencing them. In this situation, as they continue — as you continue also — to be participating in this type of conflict, you move into a position of becoming weary of the continuation of this type of conflicting experiences.
In that moment of weariness or tiring from the conflict which is continuing, there is a letting go of the holding within energy to the conflict itself, and in that letting go, THEN you may be allowing yourself more of a relaxation within your focus, and this shall provide you the window to be viewing self and viewing the areas in which you yourself are not accepting of yourself, of your behaviors, of your expressions. And in this, as you turn your attention and allow yourself to be more trusting and more accepting of your own expressions regardless of the influences or of the situations with other individuals, your conflict shall dissipate.
GINA: Okay. What issues are my husband and I trying to show ourselves? There’s been a lot of conflict between us lately, and I’m just wondering how I can try to change that and what I can do to not experience conflict on my part between us.
ELIAS: Let me express to you that this is directly related to this wave within consciousness which is occurring presently, addressing to the belief system of sexuality.
Now; I have expressed previously, recently, explanations of this creation and belief system of sexuality, and that it is far more expansive than you view it to be. In this, it is also much more camouflaged than many of your belief systems within this physical dimension, for there are many elements of this particularly belief system that you do not identify as an element of a belief system.
In this, as this particular belief system is being addressed, it is creating responsiveness within many individuals — yourselves also — and may be creating of much conflict.
Your creation of sexuality involves your perception: how you view yourselves and how you view your world, how you interact with yourselves and how you interact with your world.
In this, you and your partner share the same orientation within this particular manifestation presently, but you also are influenced by different aspects of belief systems.
Now; in this influencing of different aspects of belief systems, you find yourselves projecting to each other in the expression of conflict, for each of you holds to your own perception of your own aspects of beliefs.
What you are creating is — as I have expressed the analogy of the stick and the ball previously, the stick being the beliefs which are influencing or pushing of the ball which is your perception — you are pushing your ball with your stick and he is pushing his ball with his stick and you are pushing your balls into each other, colliding with each other. In this expression, you may identify to yourself that neither of you is seeming to be choosing to give, in flexibleness.
Now; the reason for this situation is that you are holding very tightly to your own perceptions, and you are not allowing for the reality of each other’s perceptions.
Let me express to you that your perception creates your reality. Therefore, it IS your reality and it is real, but each individual’s perception is reality. They may be different, but they are all reality.
In this, I express to you that as you turn your attention to self — as I have expressed within the response to the previous question involving the situation of conflict — as you are looking to self and examining your own participation and perpetuation of your own beliefs and of your own lack of acceptance of self, this shall be helpful to you within your interaction.
Couple this with the understanding that your partner’s perception is their reality also. Therefore, it matters not that you may be expressing many times of any particular idea or situation. This may not necessarily be influencing in the other individual’s reality, for he also is holding very tightly to his own energy and his own beliefs and the influence of his own beliefs.
Now; I shall express to you in this that you may be moving through these types of expressions and accomplishing what you seek to be accomplishing in eliminating this conflict in relation to the relationship, for you do hold the same orientation.
This is not to say that you may not move through these types of situations were you to be holding different orientations, but it would be exceedingly more difficult, for in holding different orientations, you also — in a manner of speaking — hold different languages, for you hold very different types of perceptions.
YOUR perceptions are merely different as influenced by your beliefs. This is much easier to be moving through and eliminating conflict with than would it be were you holding different orientations.
In this — viewing yourself singularly and addressing to YOU, not to the situation of your partner — I express to you that if you are allowing yourself to move more deeply into self, you may be quite affecting of this situation of conflict.
Now; I also express to you that I hold an awareness that this is not a task easily undertaken, for in this, it is not merely a question or situation of altering your own behavior, but to be noticing — within each moment of interaction — what your individual personal triggers are, in which you hold many.
First of all, you may be identifying your own triggers. There are certain expressions that may be offered to you by your partner that you shall automatically accept, assimilate inwardly, and it shall be a trigger to be reinforcing duplicity.
In this, the resulting action of that reinforcing of duplicity is to be initially hurt, and subsequently experiencing the emotion of anger and turning the hurtfulness outward towards the other individual.
Now let me explain to you the action which is occurring in this type of situation.
ELIAS: The other individual expresses to you any type of behavior or statement that triggers you, and therefore is creating the feeling or the emotion of hurtfulness within you.
Let us stop momentarily.
This feeling of hurtfulness is the identification of your agreement of your own lack of acceptance, your own unworthiness. This is what creates the feeling of hurtfulness, for as the other individual expresses to you, as an example, “Your behavior is unacceptable,” you are receiving the statement, you are accepting the statement, and within you underlyingly, you are agreeing with the statement.
Therefore, you are offering the hurtfulness to yourself in not acknowledging your own worthiness. This creates frustration within self, for you do not objectively identify what you are participating within and what you are in actuality creating.
GINA: I see.
ELIAS: Therefore, you turn this expression and project outwardly that which you are in actuality expressing to self and you produce retaliation behavior, for you are expressing what you underlyingly are expressing to self, and the battle which is raging is that within self. It is merely being mirrored outwardly between yourself and another individual.
Now; what may be complicating this situation is that you are each participating in the same action, and as you are participating in this action, you are also mirroring to each other those elements that you are not accepting within self. Therefore, when one individual expresses, “You are inadequate as a parent; you are not accomplishing in the manner that you should,” the other individual is receiving this information as a mirror expression of their own perception of self and their own lack of acceptance of self.
Or, the individual may express, “You are not listening to me. You do not hear what I say.” What you are in actuality expressing is merely an outward projection of the statement which you are creating for yourself. You are not listening to self. You are not acknowledging of self. Therefore, you look outside to another individual to be producing that action for you, and as they are not, you move in the direction of projecting all of your frustration outwardly.
Now, in turning your attention to self and expressing the acknowledgment to self that you are not listening and paying attention to self, and offering to self what you are seeking outside from another individual, you may more efficiently address to the issue and be eliminating the conflict.
GINA: Okay, that answers a lot of questions for me. I’ve been trying so hard to do a lot of different things, a lot of different exercises that my brother has given me, so I’ve just got to keep on trying them. Is there anything else that you can tell me about any more of my focuses, anything at all besides the information that you’ve given me?
ELIAS: Let me offer to you that you hold a future focus which is lending energy to be helpful to you in widening your awareness within this present now and lending energy to you in the design of being helpful in addressing to these types of situations that are being created presently, as they are being influenced and enhanced, so to speak, within the action of this shift.
Individuals are aligning with these waves in consciousness, and this emphasizes the situations that they are already creating within their individual focuses. You also are participating in this type of action. Therefore, in an understanding of this situation, this future focus is lending energy to you quite objectively, for this future focus holds an awareness of you, and in this, there is an intentional lending of energy to you that may be helpful in easing you more efficiently into the accomplishment of addressing to these issues and a letting go of your hold upon your own energy. This also is and shall be helpful to you in your own movement into acceptance, not merely of self but within your belief systems.
This future focus holds the gender of male but holds the orientation of soft, and in that orientation is quite interactive and holds a tremendous interest in certain focuses of essence and lending energy to them, of which you are also one.
GINA: Wow. Now, has this future focus been with me for a while? I mean, I’m just understanding about essence. Now, have I become more aware? I think I’ve become more aware of a lot of different things.
GINA: So, am I aware of this objectively? I mean subjectively ... or I mean objectively. You said objectively, right?
ELIAS: Correct. Subjectively, yes, you are aware of this lending of energy and this interactiveness.
Objectively, you have merely connected to certain aspects of energy at certain times, but have not yet allowed yourself the awareness of the actual interaction within helpfulness of this particular focus of essence. You may be choosing to be investigating in this area and you may be allowing yourself an awareness of that future focus, in which you shall be understanding of the energy which is lent.
Now; let me also express to you that within your ideas or your beliefs, at times you may view your objective knowing of another focus to be creating more ease in facilitating your movement. I express to you that this is not necessarily the case. The energy lent shall be used efficiently, regardless of your objective awareness of the focus or not. But it may be comforting to you, within your thoughts and your emotions, if you are allowing yourself an objective awareness of this future focus. It shall not increase the effectiveness or the benefit of the action of lending energy which that focus offers, but it may offer you more of a feeling of interconnectedness, in objective terms.
GINA: Okay. I know we’re almost out of time here, but one more thing. I can kind of relate to what you’re saying to me right now, because in the last two years ... I just have this feeling within me. I feel almost like I’m somewhat of a different person. It’s like a part of me, but a part of me that I haven’t really had a chance to acknowledge because of the fact that I am married and I do have a partner. I don’t know if that is in relation to my future focus, or maybe part of my past focuses. Can you explain a little bit of that to me before we hang up? I don’t know how much time we have left.
ELIAS: Very well. Now; let me express to you that this is not an element of future or past focuses. This is an aspect of yourself within this focus. Let me express to you that you hold countless aspects of self within each focus. Some of these aspects of self may be different in their attention than other aspects. Therefore, their perception that they create in reality may be slightly different from another aspect of self.
In this, one aspect of self occupies the primary position within any given moment. This would be one aspect of self which you perceive to be you; that which is perceiving of your focus, your world, yourself.
In this, as another aspect of self moves into this primary position or moves parallel closely to this primary position, there is an exchange which is occurring, and therefore there is more of an objective affectingness and influencing. This is quite common in situations in which individuals express that they hold the feeling that they are emerging into a newness of a sort, in a manner of speaking. This would be an action of another aspect of self — which is you, but may be latent — moving into the primary position.
In this, it may be offering you more of an awareness of self, and also offering you abilities in your expression that may have been latent pastly in your focus. This be the reason that the terminology of “emerging into a newness” is created in your descriptions of yourselves.
In this same manner, you are allowing another aspect of self to be moving into this primary position. This lends to a fuller expression of yourself to be more accepting of yourself, offering to you a slightly different perspective within your perception, allowing you more fully to recognize that you hold many abilities that you may now be acknowledging and that you ARE a worthy and wondrous individual.
Therefore, this aspect lends — in your terminology — a new strength to you, but it also lends a new awareness to you, in turning your attention slightly to be focusing more clearly upon self and not as intensely upon outside of self.
GINA: Okay. I can relate to that, that’s for sure. I don’t know how much time we have left. I’m looking at the clock. I have one more question, and it has to do with a past focus. Do we have time?
ELIAS: You may proceed.
GINA: Okay. In a past focus, did I ever have anything to do with working in a brothel, or anything that has to do with that type of work? Kind of a strange question, but I need to know.
ELIAS: I would not be classifying this inquiry as strange. This is quite common! (Amusedly)
I shall express to you that your focus within what I have expressed to you as the area of Poland, this dancer, also engages this type of activity.
GINA: Okay, did that have to do with the dancing also, or any kind of involvement with the same thing, or was it a totally different focus in the same country?
ELIAS: No. This would be the same focus.
GINA: Same focus, okay. Okay! Well, that’s all the questions I have written down. Before we hang up, is there anything else that maybe I didn’t ask, information that maybe you have come up with that you can tell me? You’ve answered a lot.
ELIAS: I offer to you merely the suggestion that you offer to yourself the practicing of the no conflict exercise.
And I also express to you the suggestion that for a time framework, you may experiment with the action of each time you begin to involve yourself within objective conflict with your partner, to stop momentarily and merely inquire of yourself why you are participating in this conflict. What are you defending and what are you protecting?
GINA: Okay, alright. I think that’s a great last word. Well, I definitely intend on getting back with you again. I’ll start doing some exercises, and I’ll probably get some more information from my mother and my brother. Thank you. You’ve been very informative.
ELIAS: Very well. I express to you that I anticipate our next meeting, and I offer to you much encouragement in your endeavors and your practicing in these areas, and we shall be watching within your progress, so to speak! (Chuckling)
ELIAS: I express to you this day great affection, and I bid you a very fond au revoir.
GINA: Okay, au revoir. Bye-bye.
Elias departs at 2:38 PM.
© 1999 Vicki Pendley/Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 1999 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.