Choosing Based On Importance
“Choosing Based On Importance”
“Defense Is A Seriously Destructive Expression”
“The Strongest Of Religious Beliefs”
“A Defining Of Selfish”
“Associations That SEEM Good”
Sunday, December 18, 2011 (Open/Brattleboro, VT)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Lynda (Ruther)
(Elias’ arrival time is 16 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning.
LYNDA: Hi. Nice to see you. Continuing with our new format of lots of people wanting to know stuff and are asking questions to Elias on a pretty regular basis, I have two questions. I realize we may only get through one of them, but I would start with the first question and then, take it away, okay?
“Dear Elias, I am in an unhappy marriage with a man who is controlling and judgmental with me and my beliefs, but we live the good life financially, in a beautiful home and a wonderful son. I have too much fear to leave or live my life in a way to be honest to myself. Should I face my fears, rock my boat, and leave, or focus on the good and appreciate the things that I have to create a happy, love-filled life?”
ELIAS: First of all, it is not a black and white, either/or question. It is not a question of should I stay or should I leave. It is a question of importance, what is important to the individual. It is also a question of, in relation to importance, what the individual is projecting themself, and therefore, what they are reflecting in their reality. For as I have expressed many times, what you are reflecting and what you view in your reality is a reflection of what energy you are projecting.
Now; once again I will reiterate, reflections are not mirrors. Therefore, it is not to be mistaken that if another individual is aggressive or obnoxious or mean or violent to you, that is not necessarily to say that you are expressing an energy of those precise expressions, but you are projecting an energy that will reflect that type of energy. Therefore, when you are reflecting these types of energies of discounting, aggression, devaluing, even violence, you are projecting an energy, before those expressions ever become reflections back to you, that are already discounting of yourself. And dependent upon the degree of which the individual is discounting themself, it will determine the degree of the intensity of how it is reflected. Therefore, if an individual is considerably defensive, considerably discounting themself in devaluing themself, not recognizing their own deserving element, and denying themself in relation to their own significance, their own importance, that is likely to be reflected in other individuals discounting them, not valuing them, not valuing their opinions, viewing them as stupid, viewing them as worthless. And that influences behaviors, also, in which the reflection will not merely be verbal discounting, but discounting in behaviors from other individuals also.
Now; as I expressed, that is generated in varying degrees dependent upon how much or how severely the individual is already discounting of their self or devaluing of themself. It is also a matter of that factor of importance, for it is a matter of genuinely evaluating what is important to you as the individual.
Now; in this scenario, there is a statement that there are physical manifestations and possessions that are deemed valuable by the individual. In this, as I expressed, it is not a matter of either/or, but it is a matter of what is important and how important those ‘importances’ are, for that determines your willingness to move in certain directions. The either/or direction is actually the easier choices. In relation to a subject such as this, which in actuality is quite common with many individuals, the individual has already generated an investment of themself in relationships, in the home, in possessions, in time. But it is a matter of evaluating how important is that investment, and is it very important or ultimately important? For if it is, that will determine one direction or course of action, so to speak, to remedy the situation. If it is not, it would determine a different course of action.
If the investment is valued and important enough that the individual chooses not to change that direction and to continue in that manner with that investment — time, energy, relationships, possessions — then it would be a matter of the individual addressing to themself in the situation. First of all, recognizing that the behavior and the expressions of the partner are a reflection of what the individual is already expressing in relation to themself, that there is an issue with value, there is an issue with deservingness, there is an issue with defense.
Defense is a seriously destructive expression, for when you express defensiveness you are very much discounting of yourself, and in addition to discounting of yourself, you are projecting shields to protect yourself. The difficulty or the problem with shields in relation to defense is that the energy of defense is strong and it begs response. Therefore, the shields do not serve in the capacity that you want them to serve. They do not shield you from other energies or other individuals. They shield you from viewing yourself. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, those shields that you erect for protection actually create a shield with yourself in which you are blinded to your own actions and your own energy, which also encourages you to pay more attention to the other individual. And it encourages you to pay more attention to the reflection and to react to the reflection. For you are not paying attention to what you yourself are projecting, therefore the element of choice in relation to the reflection is almost nil, which leaves reacting. And the more you react to a reflection the more you reinforce that, and you project an energy that essentially invites it, which reinforces the defense for defense invites response. It seeks a response.
In this, choosing to walk away, in the shorter time framework, could be deemed as easier, for you may sacrifice possessions, but it is not necessary for you to address to your own issues. Eventually it will almost be necessary, I will not say absolutely, for some individuals carry on throughout their lifetime without addressing to issues and continue to create the same difficulties, the same conflicts, over and over again. And each time they increase, for if you are not receiving the message, you will generate a louder signal. Therefore, each time you engage the same issue it becomes stronger and the reflection becomes stronger. But, temporarily, walking away from a situation avoids the necessity of addressing to that immediately.
Now; I can express that in weighing the importances, the individual could generate a very different scenario and interaction with their partner based upon how they address to their own issues of what they are projecting. But let me also express in this, the difficulty in these situations is that, generally speaking, the action has been engaged for a considerable time framework. And in that time framework and in the interactions that the partners have generated with each other, not only have they become accustomed to the habit of behaving in certain capacities and the treatment of each other in certain capacities but, generally speaking, that repeated habit of interaction creates changes in each individual in relation to how they perceive the other individual and, generally speaking, they move in a direction of not liking each other. Therefore, even if the individual begins to address to themself and genuinely focuses upon their own expression and their own energy, and changes the interaction in which the reflection is now very different and they are not being discounted and they are reflecting more of their own value, their own worth, their own deservingness, and the other individual is not expressing behavior to be critical or discounting or ignoring, the individual will begin to recognize that what drew them to this individual originally is no longer valid and therefore is no longer a draw, and therefore, they may not necessary generate a complement or a compatibility with each other.
Now; the difference in that recognition, once you have addressed to your own issues and your own projections of energy, is that in that process the individual has consistently been empowering themself. And therefore, when the individual approaches that point in which they begin to recognize; I am not complemented by this individual, I am not interested in this individual, this individual does not challenge me and is not stimulating to me, and I do not generate a significant interest in furthering or developing more of a relationship with this individual. At that point, that choice of disengaging the relationship or not becomes very different, for it is not a matter of walking away. For now the individual has empowered themself, and has begun to incorporate not reacting, but choosing, in relation to the imagery that they present to themself. Therefore, it is a very different scenario in which it is no longer a situation of sacrifice.
Walking away involves sacrificing investment. All that you have invested you now sacrifice for you walk away. When you are empowered and you are choosing rather than reacting, it is not a situation of sacrifice. It is a situation of generating choices that are the most beneficial, the most comfortable, and the most preferable for you, which includes your investments; your time, your energy, what is important to you. Those are your investments. They may be physical or they may not be physical. They may be displayed in manifestations that you possess, and they may be also displayed in what you do and your time, which are the expressions of what is important to you, but those investments are not sacrificed for they are included in your empowerment of yourself.
Now; I will also express that, generally speaking, some of those investments will change in importance. The more an individual empowers themself, some of the expressions or manifestations that were important previously, were important for different reasons, and when you are empowering yourself, those same expressions or manifestations may be much less important in relation to your own expression and your own empowerment. Therefore, in response to this type of question, without directly interacting personally with a specific individual and engaging conversation and information that is relevant to that specific individual, and therefore, specific steps and directions that that particular individual could or would engage, I would express that the response to this question is a matter of two factors: evaluating the formula - projection, reflection, and choice or reacting; and what is important. (1)
For some individuals it is important for them to empower themselves and to address to their own issues and to incorporate that time and energy to do so. For some individuals, it is not. And in it not being important, they would choose a very different avenue, which would generally be avoidance, which you can do. But I would express in that, the statement that if you choose avoidance, if you choose not to address, you can ultimately guarantee yourself that you will continue to present yourself with this same issue. And it will continue to occur, and you will continue to be uncomfortable, and it will increase. Individuals do offer themselves temporary respites in which you may present yourself with a choice to avoid, walk away, and not address to, and you may also temporarily generate a reprieve. But it will be temporary. And you will begin to encounter other individuals that will reflect the same, if not more, of what you were already reflecting.
LYNDA: I was shaking my head through that one, amen, brother!
LYNDA: Yeah, pretty good. Thank you, sir.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
LYNDA: Can I ask the next question?
ELIAS: You may.
LYNDA: Thank you. “Hello Mary and Elias. Thank you for this opportunity.” (Elias laughs) It is an opportunity. Oh yeah. “I’d love to ask why, when I feel I am capable of accomplishing things, do I feel I should not because other people in society will still be poor, et cetera. I can’t really tell if I’m afraid to want stuff because it’s selfish when others are not able to do the same, or maybe this feeling is a cop out that allows me not to do the stuff I say I want to do, or maybe I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed, or maybe I really do not believe I’m capable of success, or am afraid of responsibility. Do I deserve to enjoy the stuff of life? Will people try to destroy me and my happiness? All that sort of thing comes to mind. I’m interested in what these feeling are about and if, how can they can be transformed into something that is better feeling. I feel I am afraid to want things. I love my life, however I am becoming concerned how my lack of financial support will affect my future.” (16-second pause)
ELIAS: This is not one question. (Both chuckle)
LYNDA: I know. I realize that.
ELIAS: As a general response, I would express, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, these are all factors that prevent you from allowing yourself to express what you deserve, and therefore, what you want, all of these outside expressions. But in relation to this question, I would first of all suggest that the individual allow themself the time framework to genuinely evaluate and attempt, sincerely, to look back and recall younger ages in which it is very likely that the individual developed a very strong association in relation to what is selfish and what is not.
These are very strong religious beliefs which are not associated with any particular religion. I am not speaking of religion, but of religious beliefs. And in that, the strongest of religious beliefs is to be selfless and to always place yourself secondary; that in being a good and noble and not selfish individual, that you always consider other individuals first, you always consider yourself secondary. (pause)
Let me express momentarily, perhaps a defining of selfish. Selfish is not what you think it is. You incorporate a very distorted definition of selfish; if you are ever wanting for yourself, you are being selfish. In actuality, selfish is an action that individuals express, based in fear, that the individual is so fearful of any outside expression, or engaging with any other individual, that they generate such a strong wall around themself and hold so tightly to their own energy that they are consumed with denying. That is an action of selfish.
Now; when I express denying, a individual that is expressing selfishly is consumed with denying themself, but denying every other individual also. Therefore, the individual expresses in a manner that appears to be entirely insensitive and uncaring to any other individual, that whatever any other individual expresses, it matters not, it is unimportant. And this can be expressed even in relation to this information that I offer, in individuals using this information to camouflage that denial, to not engage - “This is YOUR creation. This is YOUR choice.” In that, they camouflage that expression of denying other individuals, but in that process they are not paying attention to themself either.
Individuals that appear selfish, or self-absorbed, these are expressions that are born of fear, and a genuine selfish expression is SO intensely fearful that the individual cannot even view themself, they cannot give to themself, any more than they can allow themselves to give outside of themself. That is very different from concerning yourself with outside expressions or placing other individuals first. That is a very different expression from being selfish.
When you place other individuals first, you discount them and you discount yourself, and you move in directions that are disempowering and not nurturing. Remember, the definition for nurturing is “encouraging to grow”. When you place other individuals first, you are not nurturing, you are not encouraging them to grow. You may think you are, but you are not. For when you place other individuals first, you are essentially seeking approval. Which, once again, in relation to the formula, you are already projecting an energy of discounting yourself, not valuing yourself, and seeking approval outside of yourself by placing other individuals first. It also, in denying yourself, reinforces an energy and continues a type of energy that encourages the very expressions outside of you that concern you. Therefore, as was expressed in this question, not acknowledging your own deservingness for you view so much lack or want outside of yourself by other individuals. But remember, all that you do is interconnected, and what you do ripples out and is affecting. Therefore, if you are empowering yourself, if you are paying attention to what you want, if you are allowing yourself to do that, you are projecting an energy that encourages all others to do the same. When you deny yourself and view yourself as not deserving or not worthy, you are projecting an energy that encourages that same expression.
Let me express to you a very general idea. Individuals view outside of themself in relation to their world and they express that they would wish to end world hunger. And in their own expression, in their own individual life and behavior and daily activities, they deny themself food. They diet.
Now; let me be clear. I am not expressing that every individual that is incorporating this action of dieting is lending to the expression of world hunger. What I am expressing is a general example of what you individually express and how that ripples out in consciousness and either reinforces what you do not like, or encourages what you do not want, or how it ripples out as an example to be empowering.
An individual that is dieting in the expression of denying themself, and not balancing, and viewing food itself as almost an enemy, an enemy to their body consciousness, that is an expression of contributing that ripple to LACK of food, which encourages the MASS expression of STARVING!
Individuals that generate excessive expressions based in their own issues, in which they starve themself, in relation to issues with appearance, they are contributing to the mass expression of starving. Energy is being expressed essentially in the statement, “I agree with starving.” When the individual is recognizing their own deservingness and is allowing of themself, in this hypothetical example, and allowing themself to enjoy food, and is generating a balance in that enjoyment and that appreciation, they are projecting an empowering energy which moves in a different direction, not encouraging starving.
These are very generalized examples, but many, many, many individuals, when they are discounting themselves, and using outside sources as a justification for discounting themself or denying themself, they are very generalized also.
“I should not want a home, for there are so many homeless individuals.”
“I should not want a vehicle for transportation, for there are so many individuals within my world that cannot afford this or that are forced to walk.”
“I should not want clothing that appeals to me, for there are individuals that incorporate no clothing.”
“I should not indulge myself until I have EXHAUSTED myself in generating all of my energy outside of myself to place every other individual first. And when I have accomplished that, then I can give to myself.”
I will express to you, you will engage 500 lifetimes attempting to satisfy that goal, and never accomplish. For you do not create every other individual’s reality, and you do not know what their reason is to be in the reality that they have created for themself. What you know is your reality, and what you control is your reality, and what you choose with is your reality. So, how will you choose with your reality? Will you choose to be engaging and projecting an energy that promotes empowerment and value and deservingness by expressing that yourself? Or will you choose a reality that promotes denial and discounting and starving?
LYNDA: Door A!
ELIAS: In this, it genuinely is a matter of the individual and what you do and what you project and what is important to you. And in this I would also express, these factors that this individual has set forth are very common. Many, many individuals generate similar perceptions. They are also influenced very strongly through associations. And remember, in that time framework of birth through adolescence — not before adolescence, THROUGH adolescence — that is a time framework in which you have not adopted attachments yet, therefore those associations are very strong and very influencing. And they can be presented in manners that SEEM good, but that are actually presenting a threat, and this is the reason that you generate these associations, such as a small one being encouraged to be charitable. That may SEEM good. The small one may in part deem it to be good; think of other individuals first, give to other individuals, be selfless, be second. But there also is a contained threat, for that individual in that time framework without attachments does recognize the value of their genuine self in some capacity, and if they are being taught to, or encouraged to, consider themself second or last, that is perceived by the genuine self as a threat: there is some wrong element with the genuine self if it must be placed last. Therefore, it is not good to be expressing your own wants. It is not good to be expressing your genuine self. That must be denied. And therefore, that association becomes very strong. It is selfish to view yourself first, it is selfish to express what you want or what is important to you, it is better to express the consideration of what others want. But the more you deny yourself, the more you deny all that is outside of you also, regardless of how much you give physically. You can give and give and give and give physically, but if you are denying yourself in that giving, the giving is not a gift. It is merely a reinforcement of denying, and a seeking of approval.
Therefore, my suggestion to this individual and any other individual that may be expressing in this manner is, first of all, genuinely consider and evaluate what experiences you have incorporated within your own life that have generated associations that are influencing you now in relation to placing yourself second and denying yourself, that you are not as worthy as other individuals, that if you possess food and clothing and shelter, you are not as worthy as individuals that do not.
Consider the association. Allow yourself to genuinely evaluate, how has this association influenced me throughout my lifetime in many different capacities, even those that seem, surfacely, to be good? For at times they may seem to be good influences. In addition to that, remember and practice reinforcing to yourself how deservingness is innately your right merely for the factor that you exist. You were born, therefore, you deserve. And ultimately you, as an individual, are, and should be, the most important first.
LYNDA: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
LYNDA: I look forward to the next time.
ELIAS: I shall, also. I am in agreement, my friend.
LYNDA: Thank you!
ELIAS: Therefore, I shall express my tremendous affection and my encouragement to all of the individuals that are participating, and express tremendous lovingness. To you and all of those, au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour 1 minute.
(1) The Formula For Creating is offered in Session 3074.
©2011 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2011 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.