Complements: Being Present and Evaluating Importances
Topics:
“Complements: Being Present and Evaluating Importances”
“Is Religion a Barrier in a Relationship?”
“A Season of Challenges, Confusion and Love”
“Communicate and Be Vulnerable”
“Meditation and Helpful Essences”
Monday, November 4, 2024 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and John (Arry)
ELIAS: Good afternoon.
JOHN: Good afternoon.
ELIAS: Ah, my friend, we meet again.
JOHN: (Laughs) Yes indeed.
ELIAS: And how've you been proceeding?
JOHN: Pretty well. It's interesting things that we'll get to, but... I don't have a big topic for today, but I have a couple of things that have come up over the last few months that I want to hopefully talk quickly about, and I'm debating where to begin.
Okay. Let's start here; hopefully this will be easy. I'm still trying to address to sleep issues that I've been still having on and off, and a long time ago I think you had mentioned some potential options. You mentioned like valerian root tea or chamomile tea as something to try, which I have on and off in the past, never really that consistently and I never really noticed much. But one thing that just kind of popped in my head the other day was if they sell those in pill form – because I generally do like tea, but I feel like if I have tea, I really like it with a fair amount of honey and I like it quite sweet, so the idea of drinking more liquid late in the day also with some sugar in it probably is not going to help. So I guess I am curious if you would recommend trying chamomile and/or valerian root in a pill form.
ELIAS: Yes, you can do that.
JOHN: Okay. Either one? My thought is to kind of maybe try both and to alternate.
ELIAS: I would agree, and experiment.
JOHN: Yeah. Okay, cool.
ELIAS: What is more effective for you, and what amounts are more effective.
JOHN: Okay. I have also still been experimenting with diet things and tweaking my diet, and… I don't want to get into a big diet conversation, so I have what I hope will be a simple question that I'm just curious to hear your response because I'm kind of… As I've been deep diving more nutritional science in relation to the training stuff, I'm just curious what you would say. We had talked about that generally I would do better on more of a moderate fat and moderate carbohydrate diet, and my basic question is if you could give me a recommended range of carbs per day in grams that you think would be ideal for me. And if that's not an easy thing to answer, that's totally fine, we can just move on. I was just curious to get a number range from you.
ELIAS: Actually, that's NOT an easy...
JOHN: (Laughs) Okay. I thought it might not be, so let's just move on. I'm still experimenting with that myself, and I actually...
ELIAS: Yes, and because it fluctuates, because it's not going to be the same every day. And therefore I would say that it's more a matter of not necessarily thinking about it in terms of grams but more in terms of what.
JOHN: Okay. Fair enough. Let's move on. I will continue to explore, and maybe we'll talk about that again in the future.
I have two other things written down. One has been a kind of an ongoing thing; I think that might turn into a bigger conversation, so I'm going to go with the quick one that happened today, which I thought was really fascinating. I have been going to coffee shops again just to kind of get out of the house and be around people. I've been going to a Starbucks that's within walking distance, which I haven't done the whole time I've lived here, which is funny to me, but I just decided to start going there, and it's kind of nice because the weather's getting cooler and nice and I can walk. So I went this morning to just kind of think about questions and kind of prepare for this conversation. I had this moment where I felt really compelled to do a quick meditation and visualization, which I haven't done in... I don't even know how long – months, months, months. And so I did, and I went to the place that we've discussed before in my visualizations that you said was in Maine, kind of the big overlooking-the-ocean, sea-cliff thing. I went there and I saw Austin again, which I haven't engaged with her in, again, many, many, many months, and it was just very vivid, very quick. I was literally in the middle of a coffee shop, and I saw her and greeted her, and I felt like she had something to say, and what I received was pretty clearly the words "I can help" and then "define," and that was it. So I'm kind of curious. Obviously I've been kind of thinking about that, and I'm not quite sure what that means, but yeah, I was just curious for your input on that – if you have any.
ELIAS: I would say that that is actually an excellent communication that you allowed yourself to receive. And in that, I say it's... accurate and self-explanatory.
JOHN: I'm kind of interpreting it in terms of maybe importances.
ELIAS: Yes, and whatever direction you want to move in that is important.
JOHN: Hm.
ELIAS: And what you want to do.
Let me express to you, my friend, that these other essences that are supportive and that are continuously engaged with you, whether you are objectively aware of it or not, can be exceptionally helpful in relation to whatever directions you might be engaging and what you want to accomplish. I would say that you could have been engaging with this essence in a capacity with your business, and that may have been very helpful to you, but it's also your choice what direction you move in. But I would say that this is a reminder that this essence is with you and is there to be helpful to you, and that you can definitely take advantage of that.
JOHN: Yeah. It was a really good reminder to... I was talking to Mary about this. She was sharing about her experience with meditation the last few weeks and, not a coincidence, I've been thinking again a lot about meditation the last few weeks and that it would be helpful for me to be engaging that again regularly because I haven't in a long time. So it was interesting today…
ELIAS: And I would be encouraging of that.
JOHN: Yeah. It was a really helpful reminder, like “Oh right, this can be really helpful,” and I actually do get very clear communication sometimes. So yeah. All right. Yeah, I think that I will definitely start doing that more.
ELIAS: I would say that is excellent, my friend.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And that can be actually moving in a direction of more success in WHATEVER you're doing.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, I don't think that I want to get very deep into this today, but I will share an update compared to last time. Last time we spoke I had decided to… not put a pause on the business but put a pause on trying to focus on it and grow it and try to get a job for money.
ELIAS: Correct.
JOHN: And I did that, and I pretty quickly... I mean, I applied to a lot of jobs. I was genuinely kind of excited about some of them. They were very much in line with what I used to do. I wanted to work at the university here, so I pursued that pretty actively and applied to a number of jobs. Overall, I spent about two months looking and applying, and [for] one job I had multiple interviews and thought that somehow, magically – it was the first job I applied to – and somehow thought that that was magically just going to work out, and it didn't in the long run. But I didn't even hear a peep from any other job I applied to. And then I also was talking to a lot of friends, and... Long story short, through this process I got to the point where I felt like, “You know, this just doesn't really feel productive.”
It felt helpful to commit to that change and try it, because I wouldn't have known otherwise. But I did commit and I did apply myself, and I did try, and I really quickly got the sense and the feeling that it just wasn't really the right direction and nothing was really coming of it. And I didn't want to spend, you know, six months to a year searching for a job that I didn't really ultimately want to do anyway – it was only for a short amount of time -- when in that timeframe that I was searching I could have just been doing the business anyway, which is what I really want to do.
And so the only real conflict in that was the financial piece again. One thing that happened was I was talking to a good friend of mine, and he basically has a lot of money stashed away and has helped other people with loans for various things with people that he trusts, so I started seriously considering just getting a loan from him and focusing on the business and trusting that process. Even if I had to be more in debt and broke for a while, that's fine; I'd rather do that than sit around applying for jobs that I don't even really want. Which led me to having a conversation with my dad and coming back to that, because we were just chatting about how that process has been going, and we essentially ended up having the same conversation we had last year, and he reiterated to me and reassured me that he's not actually stressed about money. He's very happy to help me with this process, he's very proud of the direction that I'm moving, he wants to be supportive, and if that means he gives me money to live while I'm building the business and helps invest in my business for me, then he's totally happy to do that. Which was really helpful to hear because I think I had got into my mind that, you know, it was stressful to him and that he's been stressing about money, and I didn't want to be a burden to him or have that negatively impacting our relationship in any way. And so it was just really validating and helpful to really hear where he's at.
Basically that's the direction that I'm moving now, and I'm re-pivoting again back to the business. There's a couple final pieces that I need to finalize to move forward, like get my website up and finalize some paperwork things in terms of taking on new clients, but essentially that's kind of where I'm at. And I feel really good about it, and I feel really clear about it, and I'm glad that I took that time to do that process because it really helped solidify that I really don't want to be doing that. I really don't want to be looking for a job, and the market is really, really, really hard right now, and it's not even what I really want to do anyway. So that's kind of my update on the business at this point.
ELIAS: Congratulations!
JOHN: Thank you.
ELIAS: I would be tremendously encouraging of you.
JOHN: Yeah. So, I may share a little bit more in this conversation, but I just wanted to give an update on that. And, yeah, that's where I'm at. But I want to kind of shift back to the relationship and complement topic. (Laughs)
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: I have some more new interesting developments there, but… So, related to one of my friends who I had kind of known from… I didn't know her at the gym, but she's worked at the gym. When I moved back to Charlotte, I don't remember exactly why but somehow we got introduced formally. We have a lot of mutual friends in common. We just started engaging as friends and getting to know each other as friends, and she's really great in a lot of ways. I will get more into that later, but I had some really intense impressions about her that I wanted to validate first.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: I don't know if this is a focus or an essence name, but one day when I was kind of trying to tap into this I got a pretty clear impression of a name which is either Shukmah or Sukmah.
ELIAS: The latter, and it's a focus name.
JOHN: And is that S-u-k-m-a-h?
ELIAS: Yes.
JOHN: Okay. That's a shared focus we have? Or I mean, I know that. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. I also feel like we are soulmates. And then just the other day, in fact, maybe even yesterday, I got a number of 657 shared focuses.
ELIAS: Correct!
JOHN: And we are soulmates?
ELIAS: Yes.
JOHN: All right. And then as far as her stats I got soft, political, Zuli and Ilda, and I think belonging Zuli/aligning Ilda?
ELIAS: Correct.
JOHN: Damn! (Both laugh) It's been a while since I've gotten such clear impressions about anybody. I don't have an impression on the essence name. Could you give me that?
ELIAS: One moment. Essence name Siznea: S-i-z-n-e-a.
JOHN: Hm! Okay. I think even before I started getting these impressions, I wrote it down because I had a really vivid dream with her. I've actually had a couple now that have definitely been interesting. I think partially because of my sleep issues I just haven't been remembering my dreams as much for quite a while now, but I think I've had about three dreams now involving her that have all been like really vivid and really interesting. I think this was the second one that I wrote down, so I was curious for your take on it. I kind of just scribbled some notes down so I'm gonna try to articulate this.
Essentially, I think in the dream I was at her house, and her parents were there, I remember – her family, but definitely her parents. And in the dream, I think we were just talking, we were just hanging out, and I felt very, very close to her, and then we almost kissed. And I think in the dream – I didn't write this down, but I think it was definitely more initiated by her, and I was kind of caught off guard because we hadn't talked about that, so I didn't really know how to respond, but basically I kind of pulled back.
Then the dream progressed. That's when I saw her parents and her family and we were all interacting. And then I wrote this down; I don't quite remember this, but I wrote that it felt like we were much younger than we were, so maybe this was like a memory of another focus. But anyway, toward the end of the dream, after the almost-kiss experience she was kind of like joking with her parents, even, or just whoever was around. I don't quite remember, but she was kind of joking and saying how I basically told her no and rejected her. And I felt like, well, no, I didn't say no, I'm not saying no; I just didn't want to jump into that experience in the moment because I wasn't expecting that and I was kind of caught off guard and we hadn't talked about it yet. But the energy of it was very similar to how I feel like she is in this focus, which is somewhat… She can be very playful and mischievous, very similar to me. Like, we both can very much go into a serious mode, so to speak, but we can also be very playful and silly and mischievous. The energy that she was saying, it was kind of mischievous, like, “Oh yeah, John kind of like turned me down, ha ha.”
So anyway, that was the dream, and I just kind of was like intrigued by it, because that was the only dream that I've had with her where there was any type of romantic or sexual connotation to it. I'm curious what your take would be on that dream experience.
ELIAS: First of all, I would say that it was a memory.
JOHN: Really!
ELIAS: And therefore, this is something that you actually have experienced with her.
JOHN: Huh! Okay.
ELIAS: And I would say that... also a validation to you of the intimacy of a relationship that you could build now. (John laughs)
And what is your thought and feeling in relation to that?
JOHN: (Laughs) The word “conflict” comes to mind. I feel conflicted about it, I'll say that.
ELIAS: Why?
JOHN: Well... I guess before I get into that, I'm just curious about the fact that this was a memory of another focus. I don't know that I actually have any questions about that. I guess it doesn't really matter, but, um… Yeah. So in terms of this focus, the conflict stems from a couple of things. When I remember seeing her before, she's definitely physically attractive to me. She's very much… You know, I think she's beautiful. She's a very attractive person physically, and even from afar, even though we didn't interact directly I remember just kind of like appreciating her energy. It was very attractive energy. So once we started engaging, basically that has only increased in both capacities in that I do find her very attractive, and the more I've gotten to know her…
There are some things that are kind of slight... how would I describe them? I hate to use the word “red flag,” (laughs) but it's not 100% like, “Oh, there's no issues and I just love everything about her.” There's some minor things that I'm like, “This could be somewhat of a conflict or whatever.” But some of the bigger things, I would –
ELIAS: [Inaudible]
JOHN: There's essentially three main things that have come up over time with her, and they relate to other experiences that I've had and, you know, my own history of relationships. One is age, which I don't care that much about, but she's 13 years younger than me, and to be honest, from the beginning that in and of itself was kind of the initial, like, as soon as I found out her age I was just like, well, this couldn't really work for various reasons because of age. Not even so much that I care about that explicitly; I think I'm a little hesitant about that. She's essentially Kristin's age, but after my relationship with Kristin I definitely felt like, okay, Kristin was very young in some ways and very, you know, it would just probably be better to try to be with somebody who's at least a little closer to my age. So that was kind of a potential issue to me, although I think to some degree it's not the biggest.
The biggest, I would say, is that she is a very devout Christian, and I didn't know that for quite a while and it kind of surprises me. This is something that has come up with multiple people, because again, we know many, many people in common. This is kind of a common experience, is that many people get to know her and she's not outright about it, and then people kind of assume that she isn't for various reasons, and then they find out that she is and it kind of throws them off, and that was definitely my experience. I didn't expect that at all based on just… You know, with some people it's very clear that they are religious in some capacity or they are Christian; they make that very known, and with her it was not very obvious. So that's kind of the biggest issue to me, the biggest, like, incompatibility, or the biggest... Yeah, I guess just issue. And there's a lot wrapped up in that, but…
ELIAS: Such as?
JOHN: Well, I mean, I have even outright asked her. We've talked a lot about life in all kinds of different capacities, and at one point we were just talking about dating and she was telling me some of her past experiences with dating, and I was asking her about how she handles that piece – you know, like does she feel like she has to be with a Christian to be in a compatible relationship long term? And she was very adamant that she does and that she very much wants that. And I feel kind of the same. I think it would take a very, very, very unique set of people to make a long-term committed relationship work where you have very different religious or spiritual beliefs and ideas and perceptions. So we both basically agree on that.
That also makes me feel like, okay, that's a very, very large hurdle and seems like a blatant incompatibility that there's just not really a workaround to. So that one kind of sits at the top of the pile in terms of like, this couldn't work, this couldn't turn into anything. But at the same time, the longer we've spent more time together, the more attractive she's becoming and the more I find myself like, “Well, maybe…?” which is kind of confusing to me.
So the other piece that I wanted to kind of speak to… Well actually, there's kind of multiple pieces related to that. We've talked about this a lot. It's usually really clear to me when I recognize a soulmate and when I recognize someone that I feel like a very, very deep connection with. And not to say that even the number is always an exact marker for that type of connection, but the fact that we share 657 lives, I mean, that's really up there in terms of people that I have talked with you about.
ELIAS: Yes, I agree.
JOHN: And it reminds me of Melanie. So it kind of triggers something in me in terms of, wow, I feel like there could be a potential type of connection and depth that I feel like I had with Mel, yet I know that as much as me and Mel were in love, and as much as we had this really deep, intense connection, a partnership with her did not work, and I still feel very clear about that. So I'm like, I don't want to let that be… I don't want to let that kind of blind me to what is real in this life, in this focus at this time. So that's one piece.
And the other piece that is also somewhat similar to Mel is that Mel grew up very religious. She grew up Catholic and she was not when we were together, but because of that influence in her life she had like very, very, very little dating and relationship and sexual experience, and that was a pretty big issue, I think, in our relationship. And another thing that I felt like, okay, in future relationships, I don't think it really makes sense to engage with people who don't have a lot of experience with a relationship, because I feel like if somebody doesn't have a lot of experience with a relationship, or NO experience with relationship, they don't really know themselves in terms of a relationship. And this is something that my friend now has been very clear with me about. She's like, “Oh yeah, I've never been in a relationship. I've just never met somebody who…” You know, whether it's circumstantial, she's traveled a lot, she's basically lived a very interesting life of travel and doing a lot of intense things and volunteer work and refugee work, and she's just never really been in a place to kind of even meet somebody for a long time to even try to be in a relationship with them. But I think also partially it's the religious piece, that I think she is very selective in who she's even open to dating and going on dates with because she really wants to find a Christian partner.
So yeah, all of that to say, my actual experience with her in the moment is I recognize the depth of the connection we have, and that's only become more and more apparent as we've spent more time together, and I'm finding myself more and more attracted to her and kind of thinking to myself, “Well, maybe there's some way we could make this work. Maybe we could...” It makes me think to what you've talked about with the concept of complements and that even things that might seem on the surface to be extreme differences, if you are a genuine complement with them, maybe they DO work. Maybe they're not as much of a dealbreaker as we think.
ELIAS: I agree.
JOHN: So anyway, that's a lot. That's a lot to respond, but that's kind of where I'm at right now.
ELIAS: I'd say that the first piece is to remain present. That is ultimately important.
JOHN: (Chuckles) Yeah.
ELIAS: Because when you begin moving in directions of projecting into the future, then you AREN'T paying attention to the present and you likely sabotage yourself.
What I would say is, the factor that an individual is very religious doesn't necessarily create a barrier, because a lot of what religious individuals believe and express are very similar to what YOU express and believe. And in that, a lot of the information (pause) and I'd say principles – not the type of principles that you stand on, but more like guidelines – a lot of that that I offer to you in information is very similar to what they believe also. The divide is not as large as you think it is; it's simply something that you automatically move in a direction of thinking that there's some tremendous divide that would be exceptionally difficult to circumvent. But that's not necessarily true, and I would say that (pause) the most important pieces are not those pieces. The most important pieces are not that an individual is sexually active and aware – that will come. The most important pieces are not the pieces that you focus on as a divide or a separation. The most important pieces are being present; getting to know each other, in your terminology; and in that development, continuously adding to and evolving in appreciation, and focusing on what is a complement rather than focusing on what seems to be an obstacle.
I would say that also age is a significant construct. Therefore, it's a matter of looking at that construct and expressing to yourself, “Do you actually agree with it?” There are pieces to that construct. One involves what you assess as maturity; one is what you assess as experience – life experience. But what you've described is this individual obviously has availed herself of some significant life experiences. Everyone doesn't mature and evolve in life experiences in the same manner. I would say that someone that is sure of themself and confident in what they believe is also someone that likely WOULD be very attractive to you.
JOHN: Yeah, it is.
ELIAS: Because that's something that YOU value. And I would say that it's a matter of looking at each of you and looking at the formation of relationship and paying attention to that rather than paying attention to constructs and what people think and therefore what you might think. And in relation to whatever you think, question yourself. What do you genuinely think? What is genuinely important to you?
Remember, the more you become self-aware, the more those importances shift and change and become different. Therefore, it's actually a matter of you've presented yourself with a situation of being able to look at these different factors and evaluate, in a real capacity, what is your perception of all of this? What do you want? – that's the first piece -- and then, what is your perception of what you want? And that then leaves you with how to achieve it.
And the how to achieve it is actually the easiest piece, because once you have set your sights, and once you've evaluated the degree of complement that the individual expresses with you, then it's simply a matter of being present and developing the relationship in that presence and not moving in a direction of conflict or opposition. That's the part about reevaluating importances, what IS important.
And in that, be realistic. You speak to me, and I'm a ghost. (John laughs) She might speak to God, or what she perceives to be God, which is likely simply another ghost. And is that important for you to point out? That is for you to answer. Do you have to instruct her in what is the right direction, or the better direction? Is that important to you?
This is the point, is that you are in the beginning of something, and you've already established that in this beginning of something it's important to you. Therefore, it's a matter of evaluating what are all the other importances to you – or are there very many at all? Because there might not be. As I've said previously, which you reiterated, when you do engage with a complement, even some of the strongest expressions that you would dislike or that you would think no, you would never engage with an individual in a relationship if they do this or if they are that, and then you find yourself in a situation in which you actually are, and it becomes less and less important.
Therefore, what I would also say to you, my friend, is… I recently expressed to another individual that this little season of time, let us say, I would say since the end of your spring, has been a considerably intense wave in mass energy, but it's moved in two different directions, and many, many people have experienced the effects of it in both directions. And in that, what has been being expressed en masse has been that people are presenting challenges to themselves individually and therefore have been... Mm, I wouldn't necessarily express that people have been completely confused, but to a degree which has influenced them to be holding energy and engaging old familiar behaviors, which in turn are generating different degrees of conflict.
Now; that's one of the directions that has been being expressed in this wave, so to speak, in energy en masse. The other side of that is love. People have been experiencing the presentment to themselves of genuine love in the capacity of partners, not only friendships, although those friendships are considerably strong. But that the other part of what has been being expressed en masse in this season of time has been the expression and the discovery of love in a very real capacity. And in that, there has been this back-and-forth juggling with many, many, many people in relation to experiencing something new and different and exciting and also moving in directions of old familiar behaviors and not wanting to do that. But it's all purposeful, because in the midst of the development of love, people are also presenting to themselves what they do and don't want to engage, therefore who they genuinely want to be.
Therefore, I would say to you, my dear friend, what say you in relation to your experience at this point?
JOHN: (Laughs) Um… I think in some ways this experience is just making me question a lot of things.
ELIAS: Good!
JOHN: One of the pieces that I didn't mention that is super interesting is that she smokes hookah periodically. She spent a considerable amount of time in the Middle East, and she really enjoys that from that time, and it reconnects her to that place and those people, and I have an extremely strong negative association with smoking in general of anything. So that has been one example, and you've used that example with complements. And I remember hearing that one time when you said that and I was like, “Well, that may be true for some people, but that would never be true for me. I just don't think I could ever look past that or feel comfortable with that.” And I think because it's a very occasional thing for her, it's not constant by any means, but I have spent time with her while she's done it, and it's just been an interesting experience to be like, “Huh, this actually doesn't really bother me right now.” (Elias laughs) Not even in principle, but literally like in a house with her. We've started playing chess for the last few months, and so usually we play chess on Friday nights at her house, and there's been multiple occasions where she'll be doing that and I'm like sitting at a table with her indoors while she's doing that, and I'm just like, “Huh, this is kind of weird.” Like, it's not that I LIKE it by any means, but I feel significantly more neutral about it and not bothered than I thought would be possible, and that's just really fascinating to me.
ELIAS: It is fascinating, isn't it?
JOHN: Yeah. So yeah, I feel like when I initially found out some of these things, like when I found out her age and then I found out she was Christian, and then I found out she smokes hookah periodically I was just like, I kind of initially never even really opened that door in myself because I didn't really know her that well and she was attractive – but, you know, lots of people are attractive. But it's just been this interesting, growing experience of even… I guess I would say it is like DESPITE those things, my interest and draw to her has actually just continually increased, which has kind of been confusing.
And simultaneous to all that, I'm still close with my friend Brianne. We still spend a lot of time together and climb together, and that relationship is still pretty complex to me in that I feel like we go through long periods where I feel still questioning whether that could become something romantic. But what continually happens is I feel like there's a few key pieces that I feel like yes, this would work for me, but then there's a few that come up with her that really, really give me pause and really, really don't work for me. We've already talked about that to some degree, so I don't need to rehash that.
But simultaneous to this experience with this friend, it's just an interesting experience to spend all this time with people thinking about this and paying attention to this, and trying to decipher what it is that I actually want and what it is that actually works for me and what it is that actually is a complement. But I guess in general the last few months, as things have kind of become… Like I feel myself more and more intrigued about this possibility with this new friend, I've also kind of felt less and less open to that possibility with Brianne.
ELIAS: [Audio cut off] significant.
JOHN: Yeah, ultimately it's all just kind of –
ELIAS: Because what you're doing is, you're moving in a direction of evaluating.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And in that evaluation, you're looking at different individuals, and you're looking at different qualities and different expressions and what actually is attracting you.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if that answers your question, but it's just really fascinating. (Laughs) It's confusing at times, it's conflicting at times, but ultimately –
ELIAS: I understand, and I would say you're also doing that from a perspective of what is important to you and from a perspective of being you, instead of simply a perspective of physical attraction.
JOHN: Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know what else to say. This has me really thinking a lot. I mean, one question I would ask is, is she experiencing...? We haven't spoken about this at all. I haven't brought any of this up to her.
ELIAS: Why?
JOHN: I think because it was kind of… I mean, it still feels like even though I find myself more and more actually interested I feel like I shouldn't be, or I feel like regardless of how I feel it still doesn't make sense to actually pursue it so why bring it up?
ELIAS: And I would ask you why in that also.
JOHN: I mean, I've had the thought of… I mean, one of the things that we've talked about is she had a situation with someone I don't know very well, but he's like another friend of a friend. They've been climbing and hanging out, and she was sharing with me how she thought that he was interested in her and she was interested in him, and it was just really confusing so she finally brought it up, like, “Okay, like, are you interested in me or are you not interested in me?” and he was really kind of wishy-washy. So she shared with me at times about… I mean, in general and I know this about both of us is we really value very clear, direct communication about important, real things, and she's complained about feeling really confused by men and what they do and what they don't do. So there's a part of me that has felt almost like, maybe I wonder if she's feeling confused about my place in her life at this point. I mean, we've spent a pretty significant amount of time together, we hang out one on one, I go to her house and hang out with her and her roommates, I'm friends with her roommates as well, and I've wondered if, for no other reason than just to clear up any potential confusion she's having about our relationship to just say, “Just to be clear, I am potentially interested but I feel like there's these things in the way and so I have felt like it doesn't really feel realistic or possible to pursue. But I just want to be clear about that with you, just to have it out there.” But I haven't done that yet, and I don't know that I should.
[The timer for the session rings]
ELIAS: I would say you should.
JOHN: (Laughs) Is she questioning that? Like, has she felt what I'm feeling to some degree? Is she aware of that connection? Is she confused about this? Ugh.
ELIAS: To a degree.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: To a degree. And I would say that, in association with the development of ANY type of relationship, ANY type, one of the most important components is communication.
JOHN: Right.
ELIAS: And if you're not communicating, then what happens? Then you are in your head.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And when you're in your head, you're speculating and you're only giving your thought mechanism one angle to be evaluating and thinking about. And therefore, it's not only incomplete, but likely incorrect.
And what I would say is that it is of ultimate importance to establish communication from the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, you are building a foundation, without which there's nothing for you TO be engaging in a relationship – which you're already doing, being in your head. (John laughs) Therefore, I would say that it is important for you to be communicating.
And let me express to you, my friend, one of the very important parts of sharing with a partner in the future is to be vulnerable, and that's something that should be established from the beginning: allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to be expressing that openness. Because that's what you want to be doing and expressing in relation TO the expression of love, is to be open and vulnerable. And people allow too many constructs to get in the way of that, the biggest one being “I'm protecting myself. I don't want to be hurt.” If you don't risk, you don't actually create something of value.
JOHN: Yeah, I agree.
ELIAS: Therefore, I would say, my dear friend, from what you have described it appears that you are definitely invested and that you are somewhat smitten. (Chuckles) And in that, that's beautiful. That's not something to be afraid of or to protect yourself from, it's beautiful.
JOHN: Well, thank you.
ELIAS: Be present. And I would definitely encourage you to start meditating more consistently.
JOHN: I will.
ELIAS: That will definitely be helpful in relation to clarity and calm, contentment, and therefore not looking for the negatives. (Pause) That can do for itself, my friend. You don't have to encourage it.
JOHN: (Laughs) Yeah. Well, I have much to think about, and I will be seeing her Friday night, so maybe the time will be ripe to talk about it.
ELIAS: Very well. I will express my energy with you continuously in support and in encouragement of fun and vulnerability.
JOHN: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome. A new challenge to participate in: exciting! (Laughs) I might begin to refer to this season of time as the summer of love. (Both laugh)
Very well, my dear friend. As always, I express tremendous, tremendous love to you and great affection, and dear friendship, perhaps not to be engaging so much time between our meetings. I shall greatly be looking forward to what happens with your encounter. (Laughs)
As always, in friendship, au revoir.
JOHN: Goodbye.
(ELIAS departs after 1 hour 8 minutes)
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