Realizations about Oneself
Topics:
“Changing Directions”
“Having Compassion for the Other”
“Being All Right with Your Signals and with Other People’s Signals”
“Realizations about Yourself”
“Being a Beacon”
Sunday, August 4, 2024 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and John (Arry)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
JOHN: Good afternoon.
ELIAS: And how shall we begin?
JOHN: I don’t know. (Both laugh) I literally wasn’t sure I was even going to have this conversation until two days ago, so… I will start with an update.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: And we’ll see where we go.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: Yeah, I just said all this to Mary, so I’m kind of thinking about it as I’m saying it. But the short version is I’ve decided to not completely put the business on hold but to not make that my focus right now, and keep doing what I’m doing with my current clients, which is really two people. And I’m applying to jobs right now, to do what I used to do with computers and the IT world. And overall, I’m feeling more and more positive about that, and clear that that feels like… I’m not going to say the right decision. I don’t think there’s a right decision, but it feels like a beneficial decision.
ELIAS: A good decision.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. And so, I haven’t heard anything back yet. I just applied to two jobs on Friday, so we’ll see. But ultimately I think that something about our last conversation actually felt pretty pivotal, and I spent a lot of time thinking about that conversation and reflecting on it, and eventually listening to it again.
ELIAS: In what aspect?
JOHN: Well… Well… Hm. (Pause) I think, zooming out, I think I just reflected a lot on the piece. I guess I see it as, I don’t know, two or three pieces, but there’s a piece between me and the business and how I was approaching it and all of the things we talked about in terms of conflict and my fears and what was holding me back. That was again nothing that I wasn’t on some level aware of, but somehow that conversation just really… I felt like I recognized it on a deeper level after that.
And then there’s another piece between me and my dad, which I also recognized on a deeper level. And I think the connection between those things got to a point where I’ve felt like – or I didn’t even feel like, the reality was that the business was not at a point where it could support me financially, which left me in a position where my dad was supporting me financially. Which, like we talked about, I’m grateful for that and he’s been very generous in that but there is a way that I don’t… I don’t feel totally comfortable being in that position and putting him in that position.
And (pause) so yeah, from a financial perspective, it just didn’t really make sense to me to continue trying to build the business in the way that I wanted, while needing his support in that way, because of some of the things that I talked about in that last conversation. I just wanted to separate, I want to separate out the financial piece from our relationship. And yeah, this feels like the simplest way to do it. I feel like it was just time to pivot, and I think ultimately that would be helpful for his and my relationship, at least from my perspective, from my side of it. I just would feel a lot more comfortable and just having a cleaner boundary between us in terms of money. I just didn’t feel comfortable having that be a factor anymore.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: So yeah. And the more that I… Like as that decision was coming to me, I thought about… I allowed myself to imagine what it would actually look like, to just… Because I thought about the idea of just getting a part-time job that would essentially cover my needs and my bills, and then still have time to invest in the business and take on more clients and focus kind of on both. But that felt…The more I thought about it, the less realistic that felt because there’s not really any part-time jobs that I’m interested in doing, and the amount of money that I would make for that time is just not… It just really didn’t make sense.
So I kind of threw away that idea pretty quickly, the more I thought about it. And then I realized that I could do the same type of job that I have been doing before in IT. And here, as opposed to Arizona, I can make almost twice as much of a salary doing the same job or a similar job, because I was, we were all severely underpaid for this role in Arizona. And the more I looked at jobs, there’s a lot of jobs out there here. And I feel like there’s a lot of opportunity and it hopefully would not be very hard to find a different job and get back into that field and make a lot of money.
And my goal for that would be… So I also bought my car in the last two months since we talked. I decided to do that, which I knew I was moving in that direction. But yeah, I have about, between the car and some other things I have about $20,000 in debt right now that I would really just like to pay off, and not have to worry about paying ridiculous amounts of interest and having those extra bills every month. And so the thought of having a real, you know, quote-unquote “real job” and a real salary for a year, say, I could easily pay off all of that debt and save up a ton of money, because I’m still living the same lifestyle and that’s relatively cheap. But at the end of that, I wouldn’t have these extra bills of paying off the credit card bill and paying off the car payment and all these other things, because they would just be done and paid off.
So, I’d just be in a much more financially secure place at the end of that, and that idea just sounds really appealing to… I don’t want to say sacrifice, but you know, put things on hold to a degree and change directions temporarily to put myself in a better position to come back to it at some future point. So…
ELIAS: I would say all of that is well thought out and moving in a direction for you.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And I would also agree with you that setting some boundaries with your father is good.
JOHN: Yeah. It feels that way. (Chuckles) But some cool things in the meantime. One cool thing, we did set up a gym in the garage finally, at his house. So…
ELIAS: Ah! Congratulations. And that was a big step.
JOHN: Yeah. And I actually really like it a lot. The rack we got and the equipment we have is actually quite nice. And yeah, it’s been really… I work out there once a week generally, with my friend Katharine who comes down once a week and is getting back into training. I used to train her when I lived here before, so it’s been nice to reconnect with her and we’ve been enjoying having the gym space there. And I’ve actually worked with my dad a bit in the gym as well. He’s about to have his hip replaced in a few weeks, so we’re doing some initial prep work to get his body a little more ready for that change.
ELIAS: Excellent.
JOHN: Yeah, it feels like a really good space and I’m really glad that we have it. And I’ll be glad to have it for potential future clients, for sure.
ELIAS: I would say that’s another very large step.
JOHN: Yeah. So one thing—
ELIAS: Congratulations.
JOHN: Thank you. One thing that I am curious… I don’t know how much I want to even ask about it, but I will definitely share about it. So it was interesting to me, part of that last conversation we had was around conflict and my aversion and fear of conflict, and how I’ve approached that in my life, and always tried to be this safe man. And (chuckles) within two days of having that conversation with you… So Sandra – actually the woman that I had been talking about as a potential complementary, exploring things between my two friends – so Sandra, who worked at the gym up until very recently, approached me.
And this is a whole complicated story that doesn’t really matter, but the short version was I had a conversation with another mutual friend who also works at the gym, maybe a month or two before that, so a while ago. And I was essentially saying a bunch of things about me and Sandra that were not true, for a specific reason. I was essentially just trolling my friend, so to speak, because I… (laughs) my friend had said at some point that if anything happened between me and Sandra, she would punch me in the face. Which she was joking, but it highlighted that she had some type of discomfort with the idea of anything romantic happening between me and Sandra. And I just thought that was very interesting and I was very confused, and I wanted her to explain to me why she had such a strong reaction to that. And I had ideas why, but I just was annoyed that she wasn’t telling me why she felt so strongly about it. So I was essentially making up all these things about Sandra and my relationship, and going into all this graphic detail, just to troll her.
And some other people that work at the gym and are at the gym a lot overheard this. And I wasn’t saying any names because it wasn’t necessary to specify who I was talking to, but anyway these two young guys overheard some of this conversation and eventually it got back to Sandra that I was saying these things. And they framed it as if I was spreading rumors and lies about our relationship and all these things. That’s how she interpreted it, which was not at all the point of what I was saying and why I was saying it.
So two days after your and my conversation, Sandra approached me and essentially was like, “What the hell?” Like “Why would you do this?” and “I don’t understand.” She was very hurt and very disturbed and understandably so. She just didn’t understand what I was doing and why I would do that. So I was glad that she approached me about it and gave me an opportunity to explain it, and I went into a ton of detail to explain every aspect of it, to the nth degree that I could remember, everything that led up to that. And ultimately, I think that she knows me well enough to understand what I was saying and where I was coming from, and that it didn’t… It wasn’t what it was… It wasn’t… The reality wasn’t what it was presented to her as, by these two other people. They didn’t know what they were overhearing. They didn’t understand the context, etc. etc.
But the short… Regardless, the impact happened and she was very hurt and very upset. And she essentially left that conversation saying we’ll probably never talk again and keep – she set some clear boundaries, in terms of work and personally, which I was happy to respect. So essentially, most of June I took a step back from the gym out of respect for her, and also decided to stop working with the gym because of that situation. Because she’s a manager there and I just didn’t feel right to continue to put either one of us in a position that was uncomfortable for her.
And so I guess I say all that just to say that it’s very (laughs) interesting timing, and I know it’s not a coincidence by any means. But it was just such a clear, crystal clear example and opportunity for me, to be presented with somebody who I genuinely care about essentially saying, “You’re no longer a safe man. You fucked up. You did this thing that’s really bad and really horrible, and you hurt me. And you did all this stuff.” And then I had the opportunity of how I was going to hold that and respond to that, and not just to her but within myself.
ELIAS: Yes.
JOHN: And I feel like I’m actually really, really proud of myself with one, how I handled it with her, which is not getting defensive. And I presented the facts of the whole situation as best I could and explained it all as best I could and that’s all I can do, and that ultimately I know my intentions and I know what that situation was and what it wasn’t. Whether she ever understands that or believes that or whatever is irrelevant, because I do. And I was really able to just have compassion for her and not… You know, there was definitely a lot of time that I spent rehashing these conversations, and ultimately if I hadn’t said that the things that I said in this one conversation that eventually got back to her, none of this would have happened. So ultimately I do take responsibility for the things that I said, regardless of the intention behind them and what it was about.
But even that, I don’t necessarily regret. I have compassion that it impacted her in that way, but ultimately I’m okay with myself (laughs) and it actually felt quite easy. And I noticed myself literally almost every day still thinking about those conversations and thinking about what I said, and thinking about how I handled it with her and still having those kind of emotions to a degree and thinking about it or ruminating on it. But I was very clearly able to recognize that it was ultimately okay and I don’t need to justify myself. And this is kind of an old habit of response and thinking about things over and over and questioning things, but the reality was I know what this is, and this is okay, and my identity is fine and this doesn’t actually threaten me. And even if other people hear about this or people gossip about it or whatever, that’s fine. I’ll address it if it needs to be addressed and otherwise I just chose not to talk about it to people.
And I’m just really, I guess, ultimately proud of myself that I handled it the way that I did and internally, and I’m kind of excited about it almost. It was a very fascinating experience and kind of… not the first time in my life that something like that’s happened, but it felt like a pretty, a pretty intense example of somebody that… Like specifically a woman, specifically someone that I was, that I genuinely care about, coming to me directly and saying, “You are no longer safe. You fucked up. You’re bad and wrong,” and I was just like, “Well, I understand why you feel that way, but ultimately that’s not what that means. (Laughs) And I’m okay with you feeling that way. I can be the bad guy in the story. That’s totally fine. Whatever you need to do is fine. I have compassion and empathy for this, and it’s just okay.”
So I just thought that was a fascinating experience to have. (Laughs)
ELIAS: I would agree and I would commend you and acknowledge you in that. Congratulations. Because ultimately, that IS what the situation is about: whether you can take responsibility for yourself, not beat yourself for it, and ultimately yes, have compassion for the other individual but be all right with yourself.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: For there’s no blame involved. There’s no fault involved, but there is responsibility and there is the acknowledgment of the other individual.
JOHN: Yeah. Another piece that is something that I’ve thought about in general, but this was another example of this but I think that I’m just getting more and more able to recognize something you’ve talked about for a long time, which is kind of the abstractness of imagery that we generate. And in an example like this, there was lots of times where I thought what… It was almost like a fascinating question to myself of why did I say the things that I said. And I know on the surface why. I understand that part. But in a deeper sense, why…? Why, why did that situation play out the way that it did? Why did I say the things that I did? Why did I go to the extent that I did? And I recognize that if I hadn’t, this situation wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to face an example of being in the position of somebody feeling like I’m now unsafe, that I’m bad, that I messed up, I’m not a safe guy anymore in this person’s perception.
And so it’s just somehow I get that more than I ever have, and I think to myself well, if it wasn’t this it would have been something else. And this was just a really efficient way to do it. And what that means is, I don’t always understand in the moment why I do the things I do or why other people do what they do. And sometimes, seemingly small—
ELIAS: And what, other than presenting yourself with this opportunity, which is enormous and a huge step, what else did you glean from this experience about why you did what you did? (Pause) Because of the result that you created.
JOHN: (Pause) Um… I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s anything else I would say besides just that essence of… I mean, I would say that it does go beyond her as an individual, because I mean the other part is I was aware that she might talk to other people in the gym. We basically know all the same people, especially in terms of who works at the gym. And there were moments where I really didn’t… I mean, I didn’t really talk about the situation to anybody. Her and I had this direct conversation. I explained it. Within a few days, I had kind of decided to step away from the gym in a work capacity. I eventually told my other friend who works there. I didn’t explain why.
And a lot of my friends are very confused, like “What happened with the gym? Why are you not working here anymore? Why are you…? Why are you not hanging out at the gym all the time? Why are you climbing at the other gym?” All these questions. I kind of got bombarded for a while, and I just felt clear in myself that it doesn’t matter. And partially out of respect for her, the last thing I wanted to do was to create or encourage an environment of me versus her, because I know that a lot of my friends would have felt the need to stand up for me so to speak, and make it into this bigger conflict of me versus her. And I had zero interest in that and I felt like most people just wouldn’t understand the situation the way that I did or understand my reasoning for what I did, in terms of stepping away. And I just didn’t want to get into the position of feeling like I needed to defend myself to anybody, or also have people that would choose my side, so to speak, stand up for me or put her in a more uncomfortable situation or whatever could have resulted from that.
So I think one other piece I guess that is something that I—
ELIAS: Or even choosing sides.
JOHN: Right. I think in general this is a concept that I… (Pause) It’s interesting that this whole thing sprang from me talking about Sandra and I to somebody else. (Laughs) Which I understand in life like we have to talk about other people to some degree in general, right?
But there’s a principle that I learned about in a personal development workshop back when I was doing that a lot, and it was the practice of just not talking about other people when they’re not present, in any capacity, just as a practice. Because I think in our culture – maybe it’s just kind of inherent to humans, I don’t know – but definitely in our culture, in the culture that I’m familiar with, people do just have a tendency to talk a lot about other people and talk about other situations that are really… I think there just can be a lot of problematic things that arise from that.
And the concept was just… They described it as third-party talk, right? So if you and I are talking, talking about X, Y or Z other person to you when they’re not here is just sometimes necessary, yes, and not always harmful by any means, but it just presents a lot of opportunity for miscommunications and misunderstandings and misrepresentations and potential harm. And it really got me thinking a lot about that, which I do feel like I’ve noticed over the years since I’ve been away from my Oregon life and away from those practices more consistently and away from those people and that culture… I’ve kind of gotten more into this… not gossipy, but just something like that. I don’t know. And the whole situation has just kind of left a sour taste in my mouth in that sense.
And so I’ve just been a lot more aware lately of how I talk about people and who I’m talking to and what I share and why, and just trying to be a lot more intentional about what I share with people that involves other people who aren’t present. And I think ultimately that’s a good thing. It’s not to be overly cautious, but I just feel like I have allowed myself to kind of go out of balance in a way, for myself, that I don’t like.
ELIAS: I understand.
JOHN: And to kind of move back into balance. So I guess that’s another thing I gained from this experience.
ELIAS: That is tremendous. That is very important. And I would say that it’s also tremendous that you did look at all of this and that you could look at being genuine and being who you are, and being human. I don’t mean that in the manner of humans are flawed. I don’t mean that at all, but that you’re complex beings and moving in a direction of expecting yourself to always be a good one, to always be the safe person, always be the one to be relied on, this is very unrealistic in addition to being unhealthy. Because it’s limiting. It forces you to put yourself in a particular mold that doesn’t allow all of what you are, which includes feelings and being able to look at those signals and being able to look at other people’s signals and to be all right with them.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: Precisely what you did. Which is tremendous, my friend. Let me say to you that you wouldn’t have been able to do that if you hadn’t expanded. This is a genuine expression of becoming much more self-aware, and I very much commend you.
JOHN: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome. It’s very deserved.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: That’s a tremendous experience.
JOHN: Yeah, and the end result of all that was I found out about a week ago now that she ended up quitting anyway, and was about to be fired for some other things and she just decided to step away as well. So she’s not at the gym anymore and I don’t know if I will literally ever see her or talk to her again. So it’s just a very fascinating experience over the last six months or so with her. Yeah. But I’m ultimately grateful for all of it. So…
ELIAS: And I would agree, because it has been a very instructive and intuitive experience.
JOHN: Yeah. Most definitely.
ELIAS: And in that, I would say that you didn’t limit any of your choices in all of this, because even though you chose to step away temporarily, your choice now can be whatever you want, because she also stepped away.
JOHN: Yeah. And I was kind of expected, after she left. I was at the gym and the person who is my or was my kind of direct, my direct supervisor so to speak, although I didn’t really have a supervisor. They just manage all of the programs and technically my personal training was under programs so he’s program director, he’s a really nice guy, he’s young, but he approached me, which I kind of expected. And he was not really around for this because he was on vacation when I left. And so he kind of knew the very basics of the situation but he was… Essentially he said to me, “Hey, if you want to come back, you know I want to try to work out something.” Because the company that owns the gym is opening up a third location and he essentially said he had big plans for me, for potentially teaching classes at the new gym and maybe doing… Yeah, instead of, not only just doing the one-on-one training at the gym but also potentially teaching classes or doing an introduction to weightlifting kind of thing or whatever, potentially. He had ideas for ways we could do things.
So I kind of wasn’t surprised that after all this was said and done, he’s now approaching me again to come back at some point. And I was honest with him and said, “Look, I’m not sure where I’m at right now, but…” I hadn’t fully decided to start applying to jobs at that point, but I told him that’s kind of the direction I was heading, so open to potentially doing something with the gym in the future. So yeah, we’ll see how that goes but it’s more interesting (chuckles) interesting imagery, I guess, and irony.
ELIAS: I would agree. And that’s what I am expressing in that in being genuine to you and in more than that, becoming much more self-aware, that is such a critical point because it changes everything, because it changes your perception and then from that, you begin to have more clarity. And that’s when you begin to have that foresight also, which you are touching upon at this point. And I would say that yes, it becomes clear that everything is your choice. (Pause) And it doesn’t matter – which I have expressed time and time again – what other people are choosing. That won’t get in the way of what you’re choosing.
JOHN: Oh. (Pause) Well one thing that I would say related to the business that I’ve, even more so than with that thing on the last two months, is – and kind of helped lead me to this decision – is that I think one thing that I want to… I don’t know how to say this. I think one thing that is becoming clear as I’ve done this more with the business is I do really enjoy working directly with people, to a degree, but when I look at the structure of the business as I have imagined it, to make it financially viable I need… The most profitable thing that I can do is direct one-on-one work with people by far. And I like doing that, to a degree, but that is where I am the most picky, so to speak. I do not want to spend one or more sessions per week in the gym with somebody who I don’t have some level of comfort and connection. I feel like it’s similar to any other relationship. I don’t want to just do that with anybody, to be blunt, and I don’t want to have to take on people that I don’t particularly vibe with, just for the money.
And I’ve known that for a while, but I just spent a lot of time sitting and thinking and meditating and looking at the numbers and visioning what this actually looks like, moving forward when I’m ready to move forward more. And it kind of also brings me to a deeper… I think I just recognize that I actually really enjoy kind of the education side of things and the teaching side of things, and doing actual in-person training is not always that. And it certainly doesn’t always feel like that. It feels more… Actually, I don’t even know how to quantify or define what that feels like or what that is in person stuff, but I just feel more and more aware that I might actually prefer to move more in an educational direction and maybe just do more – not only, but again I’m just kind of thinking of all my options, to focus more heavily—
ELIAS: But what are you (inaudible) that?
JOHN: Say that again.
ELIAS: Meaning what, in the educational direction?
JOHN: I don’t even know. I mean, I’ve thought about writing a book. That’s an option. That’s one way to put my knowledge, my philosophy, my expertise out there in a way, and do it in somewhat of a passive way where this is my creation and then I put it out there. And whoever resonates with it will resonate with it, and that’s great. And that’s a way to one, honor myself and put myself out there and express what I have to offer to the world, so to speak, but not have it tied to any particular individual and not have it tied to somebody paying me for my time. It’s a more passive form of education.
I could also do… I’ve worked with somebody for a while now who’s kind of a climbing trainer and rehab specialist person, and I see this becoming more and more of a thing these days with social media and content creation and how people structure their businesses. And a lot of people do this. Which I’ve taken probably almost ten of this person’s courses. But essentially just do like a couple hour course that’s like a video of you talking about a subject that you have expertise in. So for me, I can imagine doing something like a couple hour course on an introduction to weight lifting, right? This is how to set up strength training. This is the way to approach it. These are the movements you do. This is the equipment you need. This is the philosophy of how to structure things. And I could do something like that and have it on my website, and I could advertise for that. And again, whoever is out there and resonates with that can buy that and use that resource and get some education and some knowledge out of it, and do what they will with it. And it’s less tied to me and my time and how I might feel about that person individually if I was training them one-on-one, for example.
ELIAS: And—
JOHN: So I’m just thinking more of things like that, as options moving forward with the business to one, honor what I really want to be doing with the business, but also generate more ways to create passive income that’s not tied to me finding people one-on-one to spend a lot of time with in the gym. Because I don’t want to be limited to only that, essentially.
ELIAS: Therefore what you want is to be choosey in relation to who you accept as a client, which that is (pause) fine.
JOHN: (Laughs) I was very curious what word you were going to say. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: I would say that that is actually honoring you, and I would agree with you. Therefore essentially you want to move in that direction, have fewer clients but clients that you can build an intimate relationship with.
JOHN: Yes.
ELIAS: And then supplement yourself with other directions.
Now; let me express to you: the videos, yes. The book, what I will say to you is I will express two things. One is that with a specialty book, especially with only one, and a specialty book is a book that is not fantasy and that is written about a specific subject that targets a specific audience that might not be as large as you think. Meaning not that the audience that you’re targeting itself isn’t large, but of that audience there may be much fewer that would move in the direction of purchasing a book about what they’re doing. But they would very much be more inclined to watch a video. In this present time framework, I would say that videos are the direction to move in. Unless, unless – there is a caveat in this – unless you are very serious about writing a book and you plan to write more than one, and you don’t self-publish.
Now; if you are moving in the direction of all three of those components, that’s different. And in that, you could actually count on a supplemental income.
JOHN: Yeah. I mean I think, I think initially I had structured it in my mind as in-person training, which I do, like I said, I do enjoy and I want to do, I just don’t want that to be the only thing I do. And I would like to be able to be choosey. And then also do—
ELIAS: And you can.
JOHN: — programing for people, which is kind of the next step, a little more hands-off, a little more passive. We still interact, but for the most part I structure their training for the week or for the month and they kind of just go do it, tell me about it. We talk, we adjust as needed, move forward. That is also very appealing and I like that. I’ve done that and I am enjoying that. But I’m just thinking more of this third aspect of completely passive things that I could do, yeah, whether it’s videos, books, articles, whatever type of content that I can have to put my own thoughts and ideas out there and my philosophy, and have people consume that on their own time and do whatever they will with that. That essentially is completely on them.
I just am saying more that… that educational piece, or again even like this opportunity that the person at the gym was telling me. I’d never really thought about it that much. And in the past, I thought it would actually be kind of not appealing to teach something like an introduction to weightlifting class to a group of people.
ELIAS: Why?
JOHN: Yeah. That’s… That’s… I don’t know. It just never really seemed appealing to me in the past. But now, when he brought that up, my thought is well actually that could be really cool because it’s… It is reaching more people and it’s still making me money in a way that enjoy. And I think that I’m just realizing more and more that the educational piece is almost becoming more appealing than the in-the-moment training, in a way. So yeah, doing videos, making a course, teaching classes to groups of people that are more one off, all of those things are just sounding more and more appealing as time has passed. So I’m just reflecting on that and sharing that. Yeah. That’s kind of what I’m –
ELIAS: Actually—
JOHN: — thinking about the business.
ELIAS: Because if you are moving in a direction in which you have a few clients that you can engage an intimate relationship with, and you are supplementing with teaching or some other aspect of, as you said, educational production, then that also leaves you free to engage other things that you love and that interest you and that actually brings you an expression of joy.
JOHN: Yeah. I mean ultimately I would love to get to the point where… I mean, I don’t want to be in the gym all day every day, for myself or training people. You know, there’s lots of other things I like to do with my time. I would love to have time to go on climbing trips and go travel and do photography and all these other things in my life. So I don’t want to have to be in the position or get to a point where you know, I’m in the gym like eight hours a day just training people, because that’s what I have to do to make enough money to make that work. That’s just not… That’s also not very appealing. I mean, I would rather do that fulltime in that way than work another job fulltime. That’s probably true. But still, in an ideal world, I do want to have more… more balance to my free time to do other things with my life than yeah, just sit in the gym all day.
I think some of this honestly is coming from the recognition more and more of what we’ve talked about before, which is like how can I meet people where they’re at? Because not everybody wants to sign up for some personal trainer for the next five years of their life and is really… understands what that means and is really ready to actually commit to that and excited to do that. I’d say most people are probably not necessarily in that space, and those people are—
ELIAS: I would agree. I would definitely agree.
JOHN: So I want to be able to provide to people—
ELIAS: (Inaudible) is life change.
JOHN: Right. Exactly. What I’m interested in with training people and working on them one-on-one is the more… literally building a long-term relationship with someone and being their partner, in a sense, in their own health and well-being, for long periods of time. Maybe the rest of their life. That’s what’s exciting to me. It’s not working with some person for three months because they just wanted to kind of experiment and see what weightlifting is like. And I don’t want to be in the position – and there’s nothing wrong with that by any means – but that’s just not… that’s not my ultimate vision. That’s not what I’m passionate about. And I don’t want to have to spend a year going through fifty people who just kind of experiment with it for a while and then, “Ah, that was fun, but I’m not really that interested.” That’s time that I could have been spending with trying to find other people who are really in a place in their life where they want somebody to help them and be a partner to them on their journey to be more fit and to be more healthy, and in an all-encompassing, holistic way. And I think that is just pretty rare, to find those people, and it’s not going to come easily or quickly.
And so I want to find a way to also be able to provide value to people who maybe are in a place where they just want to experiment. Well that’s great. I teach a class, Friday nights, intro to lifting. And then they can experiment and meet me and there’s less kind of pressure and it’s just kind of… You know, I’m not trying to force it to be something. They’re not trying to force it to be something. Then that could be really great.
Or hey, they hear about me from somebody else and I have these videos on my website that they can buy to learn about things on their own time, at their own pace. And they can do whatever they want with that, and maybe that leads to us developing a relationship later, maybe that’s all they needed and that’s great. That’s a way that I can give them something of value and I can get paid for my knowledge.
But yeah, I think this piece of the more that I work with people directly the more clear I am that there’s just certain people that I really want to work with and there are certain people that I really don’t want to work with. And—
ELIAS: Which is very understandable.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And I would say that this is tremendous, that you are giving yourself all of this realization about yourself and about what you want to do and about who you are and what is important to you and what your options and choices are, and not having the obstacles of the previous issues. Do you understand?
JOHN: I think so. Yeah.
ELIAS: I would say again, congratulations. That is an exciting step and I have such appreciation for your sharing. I have been engaging energy with you for quite some time, and it’s wondrous to observe you becoming.
JOHN: It’s pretty fun for me as well. (Laughs)
This is totally spontaneous—
ELIAS: It’s always (inaudible) to observe someone coming into themself and radiating that wondrous light. It’s like becoming a lighthouse. (Both chuckle)
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: A beacon with a strong foundation that can withstand tremendous battering and pressure. I would say that is excellent. (Chuckles)
JOHN: Yeah. Well, this time… All this time has definitely been helping me clarify my vision for the business and my future, which is good.
ELIAS: But I would also say that it is good and beneficial that you are exploring a job that will sustain you, and that you know what you’re doing and you’re not looking at it as a setback but rather as a means to move forward.
JOHN: Yeah, a hundred percent.
I have a very spontaneous question that came up, unrelated to all of this but…
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: I watch a lot of ancient history documentaries and such. It’s always been a fascination of mine, and ancient Egypt. I happened to be watching one, and this has never, this has never happened this directly, but they were talking about one of the old kingdom pharaohs and I felt a very strong personal connection to this person. I don’t know if… I felt like it was either a focus or observing or something. But maybe I just know this person in a focus, but I think the name is Djoser, who was a… I just happen… I could quote Wikipedia right now. I think that he was like the first or second pharaoh of the old kingdom, something like that, but the way that they described him, for some reason they gave this very in-depth description of this person as they were introducing him, and even showed a picture which is obviously just a… you know, not a real picture of this person, but somehow I just felt like oh, that feels like me somehow. So I was curious what my connection is to Djoser.
ELIAS: You are correct.
JOHN: That’s a focus of me?
ELIAS: Yes. Congratulations again.
JOHN: (Laughs) Yeah, I’ll have to look more into that. I had never heard of him before that particular documentary, but I will be looking into it now.
ELIAS: Excellent. That is exciting.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: That may be also a focus that you can learn from.
JOHN: Hm.
ELIAS: Not everything that they express in these videos is correct. It’s speculation. You might get much more information intuitively.
JOHN: Hm. Cool. I will investigate.
I think we’re very close to time or at time. The last two conversations we’ve had, I have not heard the bell ring. I don’t understand why (Elias laughs) but I don’t really have any other questions at this point, so… (Elias laughs) I just wanted to share all that.
So thank you for your responses and feedback.
ELIAS: I would say that has been excellent, a wondrous conversation and tremendous in what you have been accomplishing and all of your movement.
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
ELIAS: And there is your bell.
JOHN: Yeah. (Laughs) I hear it this time. (Both laugh)
ELIAS: Very well, my dear friend. I shall greatly be looking forward to our next conversation and I shall be endlessly offering my energy to you in support, in encouragement and most of all in appreciation.
JOHN: Thank you.
ELIAS: In wondrous, sublime love to you and dear, dear friendship, au revoir.
JOHN: Bye.
(Elias departs after 1 hour)
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