Caring for a Pet
Topics:
Session 201710232
“Caring for a Pet”
"Clarifying the Equation"
Monday, October 23, 2017 (Private/In Person)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Dan (Zynn), Natasha (Nicole)
ELIAS: Good Morning!
BOTH: Good morning.
ELIAS: And what shall we discuss this day?
DAN: Short thing from Inna. She says hello, and she’s starting her dancing classes. So we are proud of her, and she is asking you if you would dance with her and help her out.
ELIAS: Most definitely.
DAN: Okay. (Elias and Dan laugh together)
ELIAS: It would be my pleasure. (More laughing together)
DAN: Now, about Lapa. So, we got her a—what is it called?
NATASHA: Knee…
DAN: Knee brace…
NATASHA: Knee brace, which is soft and also warm, I guess.
DAN: Right. The way it was attached was scratching her underbelly, and Sandra suggested we get her two braces, and attach it somehow behind her back to the harness, so that’s what Sandra is helping us with. Sandra was asking if the brace we got is good, or should it be tighter, and if so, how much tighter?
ELIAS: No, you don’t want it to be too tight, because you want to allow for that flexibility and mobility. You are not attempting to immobilize the joint; you are merely adding support to it. Therefore you don’t want it to be tight, merely enough to generate some additional support, but that is all.
DAN: Okay, very well. And in terms of how far up or down it goes, it’s not too important, right?
ELIAS: Whatever position that will be around the joint is the point—that it is around the joint.
NATASHA: Around the joint.
ELIAS: Yes, that it will support the joint.
NATASHA: The challenge is to keep it in place, you know. I tried everything, and I tried different scenarios, and it’s very hard to find ways to have it there without rubbing her belly, and her belly is being rubbed even with the softest of the material. The brace itself that we bought initially was very nice. It was holding in place, not bad, with an additional strap on her back and attached to her harness, but from time to time I would need to retighten it. But the problem is her belly would be all scratched up and be, you know, red. So that’s why we spoke to Sandra, and she suggested both braces: one brace on right leg so, and it will have some strap on her back, so we can attach from the harness to the strap to make it more tight, but…
DAN: The problem is her body is so flexible, and she likes to twist and turn, and no matter what you do, there will be either some irritation or it will fall off when she twists, or something like that.
ELIAS: (Short pause) It may be a situation in which you can incorporate the additional support at times when she is walking, and therefore when it is being used; and it may be a situation in which it will eventually—dependent upon her and what she creates, eventually it may require a pin that the physician would insert surgically.
NATASHA: Wow.
ELIAS: But not for a time framework. I would express that that would be much farther down the road.
DAN: One guy I met on a dog run, he said that maybe it’s better to do surgery now while she’s young and she regenerates better, but you don’t think so?
ELIAS: That would be your choice. That would definitely be your choice. I would express that dependent upon how severe you notice it being, or how much distress it is creating for her, that may be an option that you can explore. She would likely do less damage and heal more quickly the younger that she is, but then there is the consideration you don’t necessarily want to incorporate that type of invasive action if it isn’t necessary.
If it isn’t considerably distressing to her, or bothersome—if it IS bothersome, then that is an avenue that you can consider. If it ISN’T significantly bothersome to her, then you may choose to wait a bit, and watch it and observe whether it becomes more bothersome to her. But that you can evaluate by your observation. You live with her, you engage with her, you know what her activity is, and you also are observing whether she is uncomfortable or not.
I would express that whatever level of discomfort you observe, then multiply that, because generally dogs don’t display as much discomfort as they are actually experiencing. In your terminology they instinctually don’t express that discomfort, because that—not that they THINK this—they don’t. They merely do it instinctually, that if they are displaying any expression of discomfort, that generates the appearance of weakness, which then places them in a vulnerable position in relation to other dogs.
NATASHA: Understood, yeah.
ELIAS: Therefore, whatever you observe in relation to discomfort, then I would express to multiply that perhaps by two to three, and that would give you a better indication [of] what the actual discomfort is or the actual limitation in mobility, because they do push beyond what the appearance of their mobility is.
NATASHA: Oh yeah, I see that with her, even when she is limping, but you know when in the backyard with her friend Lola, she is forgetting about her limp and everything. She’s driving me crazy with that.
ELIAS: Yes. It is not that they necessarily forget about it; it is that they are generating behavior intentionally to not express, or—yes, to display that weakness, because that is generating a vulnerability.
DAN: So currently, how would you assess her? My assessment would be that it is bearable for her, but I don’t know, now that you—I multiplied by three, I don’t know.
ELIAS: (Short pause) That would depend on what your definition of bearable is.
DAN: Well, I…
ELIAS: Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Does that mean that she is (short pause) in discomfort or distress? Yes—not always, but at times. I would also express that with situations with bones and joints, especially with dogs, that generally you will begin to notice it is exacerbated by the cold. Therefore within your winter months you will notice it being stiffer and more uncomfortable.
NATASHA: So there is probably arthritis forming in there?
ELIAS: (Slowly) Not quite, but that very easily can develop. No; I would express that she is not, at this point, but it could easily develop; and in that, those are factors to consider of what you choose to do.
NATASHA: Yeah, I would definitely choose not to, for now, surgery, but still work with this, trying to figure out how to have these braces on her.
ELIAS: Very well.
NATASHA: But I…
ELIAS: But you can consult with your physician and incorporate their opinion and evaluate yourself.
(Brief pause) What is your concern?
NATASHA: Oh, he’s going to go crazy, after you told him. He’s going to drive me crazy, you know. (Dan chuckles) He’s going to want to go for surgery for Lapa. He’s triple, quadruple lioness. (Dan chuckles again, and Elias chuckles for even longer)
ELIAS: I would suggest that you consult with your physician, and perhaps that will ease your mind in relation to this situation and will encourage you that that type of invasive action may not be necessary at this point. I would express that it is a situation in which you can observe and watch what she is displaying. I would definitely encourage you in the winter months to keep it warm, and that will help.
And this is not something that will be crippling. It can be addressed to. Therefore, do not (Elias pauses) agitate yourselves and become distressed and overly concerned. I am not expressing to ignore it—not by any means—but I also would express to you not to be worrying tremendously. It can be addressed to; and in that, it is not a situation, that if you address to it, it definitely wouldn’t be crippling.
DAN: Okay, how DO we address to it? While these dog braces, the weather, and…
ELIAS: Yes, and you observe and you pay attention to her level of discomfort, her limitations in mobility, also remembering to keep it warm. I would suggest that you also—you are already incorporating glucosamine and chondroitin?
NATASHA: No, not yet. They suggested, but we just give her omega-3 oils and stuff.
ELIAS: You can incorporate that—not in major doses, but you can incorporate that also, which will be helpful, and in that it doesn’t necessarily prevent damage, but it does help the body to stave off worsening. Therefore that can be helpful, and what you do is you observe. You keep it warm, you observe, you incorporate that support with a brace; and, if the brace is too difficult, meaning if she is too active and won’t incorporate the brace—which some dogs are—and therefore it is a matter of individual attention. (1)
You can do it when she is walking; but in that, you don’t have to be incorporating it in times in which she is not walking, and it may be more irritating to her belly if she is lying or rolling. In that, if she is only walking, then how is it irritating to her belly? What is…
NATASHA: Okay, there is a strap that goes around her back and under her belly and attaches again to the same sleeve on the outside. So it goes from inside of her belly—it goes from her back and attaches to the other…
ELIAS: Ah.
DAN: But, we changed the design. We cut it off…
NATASHA: We bought two straps,—actually four, but two didn’t fit—and we put two straps, and we removed the part that goes under her belly, and we just left the part that goes outside.
DAN: And then what happened, when she was twisting, the brace itself was just…
NATASHA: No, when she was running somehow, since it’s only one point of attachment, they start to twist, and they are not in place anymore, because it needs to have at least two points of attachment. That’s what we figured with Sandra, but we’re going to have these two points of attachment on the outside. We’ll see what happens.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
DAN: And you said only for strenuous exercise she needs that?
ELIAS: Yes, yes.
NATASHA: And she needs strenuous, too. She needs to play with her friend, Lola, at least.
ELIAS: And I would express that, yes, that may be more…(Elias pauses) If you were to cover the strap, if you were incorporating a strap that perhaps would be more towards the breast area and then outward, and if you were to cover the strap with a softer material such as fleece…
NATASHA: But that’s what, exactly—it was covered in fleece, and inside where it was, it still created these scratches, what she did. It’s still sensitive, the area, very sensitive.
ELIAS: Very well, very well. I would express then, that can be challenging. But remember, it is only for strenuous activity and walking, but not always.
NATASHA: Yes.
ELIAS: And in that, I commend you that you are being creative and inventive and that you are engaging with your friends to invent a different design that would be more effective, but I would also express that it may be helpful to consult with your physician and generate their opinion, and then you can evaluate together what you choose to do in relation to that. I would express that it is not TREMENDOUS at this point. It is definitely something to pay attention to.
DAN: Now, in summertime when we turn on the air conditioning, or in wintertime, you know, Natasha likes it cold, then should we cover her with a blanket or just put some kind of soft sock on it during the night, or…not necessary?
ELIAS: That would be advisable, some type of—yes, a sock would be advisable, something that can hold in the heat, that it doesn’t become too cold.
DAN: And it’s only in one place right now, so you are not saying that she is very, very, very susceptible to this, susceptible to arthritis—
ELIAS: No.
DAN: --to the point that we need to address as insurance? Just—
ELIAS: No.
DAN: Just—just that one, left hind leg.
ELIAS: Yes, yes.
DAN: And what is it exactly, just a slight tear in there, or slight irritation, or…?
ELIAS: What I would say is that the bone is not—the joint is not sitting properly. It is that it did not develop properly, and therefore it doesn’t sit properly in the socket, and it rubs; and that is uncomfortable.
Do you notice a clicking sound?
NATASHA: No.
DAN: No, but we do notice that sometimes she raises it, and she cannot—
NATASHA: After she lies down.
DAN: For a long time, yes.
NATASHA: After she lies down, after strenuous activity she lies down. When she gets up, we can see…
DAN: So, sometimes I’m thinking our…the way we operate is we give her strenuous activity, and then she sleeps for a long time, and then another activity and she sleeps. So would it be better if we wake her up more often and let her move around a little bit, or it doesn’t really matter?
ELIAS: No.
DAN: Okay. What is there—I mean, there is always an energetic side to things, right? Is there something that energetically we can do to help her in terms of healing or in terms of our attitude, or—I don’t know, you mentioned our attitude. You mentioned my attitude, for example. You said if I am so cautious and so on…
ELIAS: Definitely NOT worrying. Definitely not expressing that energy. That will definitely be helpful. I know that is difficult, but I would definitely suggest that you pay attention to that and not move in that direction, because that is not helpful.
But, I would express that you are doing well with her as is; and in that, worry is the anticipation of bad. Stop anticipating bad, and merely allow yourself to appreciate what IS, and that it isn’t tremendous at this point. Stop anticipating it BECOMING worse, and in that, you can decide what you choose to do to be the most helpful with her.
DAN: Is that something she’s choosing, or we are choosing? Then if she is choosing, why is she choosing that?
ELIAS: Dogs don’t have a “why” like you do.
DAN: Oh.
ELIAS: They do essentially—yes, it is a choice, but they don’t incorporate beliefs. They also don’t incorporate constructs, therefore they don’t necessarily have the reasons “why” that you do. I would express that they merely generate physical manifestations. They are reflective, and therefore the energies around them influence, but ultimately they choose. Therefore, regardless, there is NO REASON to move in a direction of blame or guilt—none whatsoever.
Regardless of what they reflect, they are choosing. They merely do not incorporate the type of reasoning that you do. Therefore, they may be reflecting some energy that is…their interpretation is a slight rigidity. They aren’t thinking that; they’re merely receiving the energy and translating it, but they aren’t also evaluating it as good or bad. They don’t see it as being bad. They don’t perceive it as being bad; it merely is what it is with them, and they are responsive to what they feel, for they do incorporate feeling, but they aren’t generating a judgment or an assessment of it. They don’t do that. You do that. (Elias chuckles)
DAN: Okay, very well.
ELIAS: Therefore it is much more simple with them, and you ARE paying attention.
DAN: Okay. And sometimes I try to visualize some kind of healing. Is that helpful?
ELIAS: Yes, yes.
DAN: Good. Natasha, are you done with this topic?
NATASHA: Yes. (Dan laughs and Elias chuckles)
DAN: So, what shall we discuss? (Elias laughs)
NATASHA: Whatever you want.
DAN: Me? (General laughter)
NATASHA: Yes.
ELIAS: But not the dog. (Dan laughs, and Elias chuckles)
DAN: Um…Okay, so, you introduced this formula, that must be—
ELIAS: Yes.
DAN: That must be important. So my initial thing about that was, as I stated that during the public session, that… Okay, my boss sends me a letter that says I am approving something but then I’m raising a concern, and I should either address the concern or I should not have approval. So I get all irritated, and I feel that I’m being handled, or directed, or put down. I write it all down. I forgot what I wrote down. I wrote down equal signs, I wrote something, I wrote something. I came to the conclusion that either perhaps he feels that he’s not heard, because he… or he simply tells me how the things are, what I’m doing, all that.
So initially I decided he’s being not heard, because he tells me things that I don’t hear, and instead I argue with him, and this and that. So that eased me, eased my attitude and allowed me to breathe and calm down, and that is a depersonalization part. Also, the fact that I came to the conclusion that he’s perhaps…you know, he’s perhaps just sharing information, allowed me a choice to either accept that information or maybe postpone, make a decision not to listen to that information, but at least I wasn’t caught up in my feelings and wasn’t driven by that.
Okay. So is that what the formula is about, or I’m just taking the depersonalization piece of it but I’m still missing some other piece of it?
ELIAS: As I explained, the formula is designed to allow you to see reflections, and then in seeing the reflection being more aware of your own energy, your own projection, which came first—
DAN: Okay, so the idea is then that…okay.
ELIAS: --and to illustrate the impotence of removing that personalizing piece and then ultimately showing you more choices. THAT is the point, is that you have more choices than you think you have, and the formula is designed to illustrate more of your choices through that evaluation and through the removal of the personalizing piece.
This formula is not designed to help you understand the other individual. It isn’t designed to give you an explanation of what the other individual is doing. It isn’t about illustrating ANYTHING about the other individual. The main point for this formula is choice.
DAN: Okay, so let’s take an example. So one example is, I’m riding on the subway and I'm on the platform behind the columns, and there is a black guy standing there. He wanted to spit, and he wanted to enjoy his spitting, and he didn’t see me and he spits, and I appear from out of the column and the spit lands on me. So my initial thing was to get all upset and feel embarrassed, and this and that. But then I quickly, very quickly, looked at his amazement in his face, and I just smiled, and he smiled, and I went away.
This is an example where one, I showed myself that I have a degree of awareness where I don’t have to get caught up in feelings, and it showed me that I have a choice. I had a choice to try to be aggressive or ashamed or confused, but I chose to smile about it and walk away, right? That’s a kind of smooth, ideal situation. In that regard, I don’t necessarily need a formula, because it just played out nicely and quickly.
Okay. Example number two: let’s say another member of the forum who was on an interview, and you went through the formula with him, and you guys arrived at the conclusion that perhaps the employer felt somewhat constricted or lacking funds or this or that, and they didn’t hire him. And now he has a choice of either join that company that feels constricted and still get them out of the hole, or employ his creativity, or walk away.
But, so now you say it’s not about them. Okay, it’s about him, but about him why? Because he now is looking for a job, he created this employer who is constricted, he created this initial rejection, and now he has choices, right? So, the choice piece and first of all choosing unemployment, and then choosing the interview, and then choosing the employer who is constricted, is part of what he’s creating, obviously, right? And now he’s showing himself what? He’s showing himself that…that he can…he doesn’t show himself that HE’S constricted necessarily—that would be mirroring, but he’s offering himself an opportunity to choose, basically, right?
But, you are saying that beyond the opportunity to choose, which is always there, he’s also showing himself a certain movement of his, that he COULD take that as a challenge, that he could, perhaps, entertain going beyond the rejection, or he could perhaps entertain working for the company that is constricted and still negotiate and still get in. Or he can perhaps go away, but without feeling an opposition, right? Something like that is happening there?
ELIAS: To a degree. In that scenario, the question wasn’t about the formula. The question was about whether the individual’s intuition was correct or incorrect, or if it changed, or if his direction changed, or what was occurring.
DAN: Yes, yes.
ELIAS: Which, in that scenario the subject was about looking at the bigger picture, that it first of all wasn’t about whether the company chose the individual—it was whether the individual chose THEM. And in addition to that, it was about that if you are moving in a direction, the factor that you have set your sights on one piece and that one piece does not necessarily materialize in the manner that you expect doesn’t necessarily mean that your direction has changed or that your intuition was incorrect, [but] it is a matter of recognizing that if you generate that type of a presentment to yourself that you did that for a reason, and that in the bigger picture there likely is some OTHER opportunity that fits more; and that regardless that the individual is thinking and seeing in one narrow direction, they’re only looking at one piece of the picture.
DAN: Okay, okay, I get that. Now, going back to the formula. The point of going backwards, what is that? So let’s say we went through that exercise with Lynda during the pubic session, and people arrived at different conclusions, but let’s say someone arrives at some insecurity—let’s put it in hypothetically. All of my six feelings evaluate to basically me feeling insecure and hence defensive, and hence this and hence that. So, my simplification of the formula would have been okay: I feel insecure, probably the guy feels insecure—that’s the depersonalization piece, because now that I know that the guy also feels insecure, it kind of lets me relax.
You’re saying there is more to that, go beyond that, because if I know what he seems to have been projecting, and originally probably I have been projecting that, then that’s my opportunity to choose about my insecurity, or something like that. But first of all, is that correct? and second, why are we now going back from insecurity back to the three feelings and back through the three feelings? That gives us what? What does it give to me, that reverse direction?
ELIAS: You are starting, or you are beginning (Elias pauses), almost at the end point. You are beginning with feelings. The scenario has already happened, or you are already IN the scenario. Therefore, you don’t know what you were initially projecting; you don’t see that. What you see is the reflection, but from the reflection you feel. Therefore, what you are doing in this formula is you are beginning at the end. You are beginning at the end by identifying the feelings that you are now having in relation to what the reflection is, but you aren’t necessarily looking at that as a reflection. You are only looking at it as an interaction. Therefore, you haven’t seen any of the picture yet. You aren’t aware of what you projected. You aren’t aware that that is a reflection that is happening. You aren’t saying that to yourself, but you are aware of what you feel. Therefore, you begin at the end, because that is easy. You know what you feel.
If you can look at what you feel, then you can—and understand this: it is not six feelings. We listed three feelings and three meanings; three feelings, three MEANINGS of those feelings—and what does ALL of that equal? All the feelings and the meanings of the feelings, what does that all equal together? The reason that you do that is to come to that point of what does all that mean together. That is the point of the reflection. That is the point in which the reflection begins. Therefore, you reverse the formula because now that is the reflection, which, yes, brings you back to what you were feeling, but that isn’t the point any longer. What is the point is all of that equals what the beginning point is of the reflection.
NATASHA: May I ask: "reflection"—whose reflection? His reflection, or the other individual’s?
ELIAS: His reflection through the other individual.
DAN: So let’s say my—
ELIAS: Therefore, Ruther’s reflection from the other individual. The other individual is reflecting to her what she already projected.
When you are engaging the formula, you are beginning with YOUR feeling. That is yours. That is the indicators of what the projection was, which you don’t know, you don’t see.
NATASHA: So you uncover where you step from. You uncovered, basically,--
DAN: Initial…
NATASHA: --your projection. Your initial—where you spring with the whole situation.
ELIAS: Yes.
DAN: So if the evaluation is insecure, for example, then Ruther, or Lynda, was projecting insecurity, quote-unquote, unknowingly or subconsciously. In energy she was projecting insecurity. She didn’t know that, but the person reflected that, showed it to her—
ELIAS: Now let me—
DAN: --and now she has choices.
ELIAS: --Now let me give you a more comprehensive explanation. Ruther didn’t explain the entire scenario. Ruther explained what was significant and what was important for the example of the exercise and of the formula, which was all that was important at that time.
What was being projected in the moment, there were other factors leading to that. Therefore yes, what Ruther was projecting in the moment was insecurity and some factors of guilt and discounting. All of those pieces were already present; they were already there, and then enter the other individual. And then, because all those pieces are already there, then without even speaking there is already a projection to this individual, and then when you include the speaking, what you aren’t noticing is what words you are choosing, how you are expressing those words, what the inflection in your voice is, whether you are speaking softly or loudly, or what the body gestures are. All of that is included in what the other individual receives, and then they reflect, because they are responding or reacting to what you projected.
Now, in that, because you don’t know what you projected—because you aren’t aware of that, you aren’t paying attention to that, and you aren’t recognizing that the other individual is reflecting to you—you begin at the end with your reaction to the reflection. And in that, the easiest manner to do that is to evaluate what did you feel—or if there were more than one feeling, what were each of the feelings that you were experiencing, listing them, then listing what they equal. What do each of those mean to YOU, not to anyone else? What do each of those feelings mean to you, and then that all—feelings and meanings—equals what, all together? That identifies what YOU projected. Then you reverse it, because the other individual is expressing it back to you—not in the same manner. This is the piece that isn’t the mirror.
What you are doing is generally the same, but not in the same manner. She maybe had been expressing herself in a very amiable manner, and nicely, and he maybe had been expressing himself in aggression and anger. Therefore, the reflection is not the same expression, but the motivation is the same.
DAN: The motivation, okay. That was the missing piece, because—
ELIAS: Therefore, what her energy was projecting when you reverse the formula, then you have “Now, this is from the OTHER individual coming back to you.” That is the reflection, and it begins where yours ended. And in its reflecting to you, the other individual is expressing their beginning from your ending. If your ending was insecure, their beginning is insecure, and they are reflecting that right back to you.
In that, you don’t have to know why. You don’t have to understand what the other individual is doing. That isn’t the point. This is all about you. In this, being able to see that that IS a reflection is the first piece. Then from that you can see in more clear, decisive manners what YOUR projection was, because you don’t know that at all. Therefore, you can see what you were projecting. Now you see what the reflection was, and now instead of reacting—which is what you initially did was react, which created the feelings—instead of reacting, taking out the personal piece, because what the other individual is expressing isn’t personal. They are really actually merely responding to whatever is being expressed to them. Whatever energy is being expressed to them, they are expressing in a personal manner TO THEMSELF, but not to you. It isn’t personal to you, regardless of what the words are.
Therefore, when you remove the personal piece—and whatever you were projecting wasn’t personal to them either, therefore there IS no personal piece—therefore, when you remove that, then instead of reacting, then you can see what you did, what they did, what are my choices. What do I WANT to do? How do I WANT to express myself? What is important to me? And in that, you don’t necessarily see the either-or, the black and white.
DAN: So yes, so I started with two extremes, because first I thought a long time it’s a mirror. So if someone spits on me, then I spit on myself. Then I read somewhere you told somebody, oh, if someone is rough to you it doesn’t mean you are rough to yourself, but it’s a possibility for you to choose. So I went another extreme where I thought, hmm, that may have nothing to do with anything, it’s just a possibility to choose. So if someone spits on me, it’s just a possibility for me to choose how do I react. But now you bring it somewhere in the middle where yes, it’s not a mirror, but it’s not just a neutral, random possibility of choice. It is an opportunity for choice but related very specifically to what you were projecting.
ELIAS: Yes! Yes, yes.
DAN: So I am now even wondering, what was I projecting when I was riding on the platform and the guy just spit on me? (Laughing) I have no way…even my feelings were so momentary, but yeah, I felt embarrassed, I felt like…not sure, confused whether I should approach him with aggression or whether I should just turn around and walk. But I chose to smile because I saw the surprise on his face, and he moved…
ELIAS: Now, that is an example, without the formula, of how quickly you process, which was another point that I was expressing to all of you in that group interaction, that I can incorporate an hour or two hours explaining to you this process. I can give you a formula to illustrate it to you. You process all that information within seconds—very quickly. Therefore, it doesn’t require tremendous thinking or effort or energy. It doesn’t require that much work. You can do it within a second of your time, and that IS what you did.
DAN: Yes.
ELIAS: You don’t have to know, in words, all of those pieces. You already know all those pieces. You don’t have to think them out in words. In that, you already know what energy you are receiving. You already know what energy is projecting out. You confuse yourselves by not paying attention and by thinking in these black-and-white terms: “Why did that individual do that, and what did I do that deserved that?”
It is not necessarily about deserving, and it isn’t that you created that individual’s expression. You didn’t create his choice to express himself in the capacity of spitting. He could have expressed a word. He could have expressed a gesture. HE chose to spit. Ruther didn’t CHOOSE for the other induvial to scream at her.
DAN: Yeah, but this spitting example is somewhat different in that he didn’t see me, supposedly. He didn’t intend to spit on me. He was spitting on an impulse…
ELIAS: PRECISELY—not personal.
DAN: Okay.
ELIAS: Whether it is that the other individual doesn’t see you, and therefore it is obvious that it isn’t personal (Dan laughs)—he didn’t mean to do it on you because it wasn’t personal—or whether you are directly engaging another individual and they are saying in words "you, you, you," it matters not. It isn’t personal ANYWAY, because when they are saying "you, you, you," they are actually expressing "me, me, me."
Whenever you are blaming another individual, you do that to divert from yourself. It is not that the other individual is responsible—no. Blame is ALWAYS about you. Therefore, it matter not whether it seems that another individual is directly in front of you and expressing in what seems to be a personal manner because they are expressing pointing fingers and expressing “you, you,” or whether they spit and it happens to hit you in the face. Neither of those situations is personal.
DAN: (Laughs) Okay.
ELIAS: One is merely more difficult to SEE that it isn’t personal and therefore may require more of an evaluation, which is the situation that the formula would be handy. In a situation such as that, you process that so fast, so quickly, and you give yourself a different choice. You don’t move in the either-or: “Either I ignore this entirely, or I punch the guy"—no. There are other choices, and you very quickly found one and chose that.
In situations in which it is more difficult to remove that personal aspect, let me express to you, Ruther did not understand that through to the end, because Ruther was continuing to personalize all of it. Your response as the group, my response, everything that was being expressed was continued to be personalized, and Ruther left that conversation still personalizing it. Therefore in that moment, this is also an illustration of how difficult that can be for individuals in many situations to remove that personalizing piece, because you are so accustomed to doing it.
NATASHA: Exactly. You are not familiar with the other concept. You personalize everything.
ELIAS: Precisely.
NATASHA: It’s very hard.
ELIAS: Precisely. And it is very difficult when you are generating feelings such as embarrassment, or that you are responsible for something, or that you are guilty. In that, especially shame and embarrassment, individuals incorporate a very difficult time NOT personalizing that or removing that personalizing piece, which was the reason that Ruther was not able to do that, because it involved shame and embarrassment, and those two pieces were too much to have the ability in the moment to remove that personal piece. But that is an essential part of this formula, of this equation. Without that, the equation is almost pointless. It requires that piece of removing that personalization to be successful.
NATASHA: Thank you , Elias.
DAN: Thank you.
ELIAS: Very well, and we shall return shortly.
DAN: Yes.
(Elias departs after 1 hour and 50 seconds.)
(1) Originally stated by Elias as "…and therefore it is a matter of individual." The word “attention” has been added to the transcript for clarity.
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