Choice and Motivation
Topics:
Session 20171019-2
"Choice and Motivation"
"The Kitchen"
"Constructs Mingling with Your Natural Flow"
Thursday, October 19, 2017 (Private/In person)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Phil (Patre) and Debbie (Tamarra)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
PHIL: Good afternoon, Elias.
ELIAS: And how are you proceeding?
PHIL: We are proceeding very well.
ELIAS: Excellent!
PHIL: We are very excited to be here leading up to the group session, and this was excellent timing for us to come in advance to meet up with Mary and have a wonderful interaction with her, and we are very excited to speak with you, especially face to face.
ELIAS: Wonderful. And what shall we discuss this day?
PHIL: My thought last night was we're leading up to the group session, and p0erhaps you would care to give us a preview, perhaps, of something that you—
ELIAS: [Chuckles] Sneaky, sneaky.
PHIL: --preview, or something that would lead up to that well.
ELIAS: What have you been engaging recently?
PHIL: We have been in the process of—I would say if I had to encapsulate it, I would say that we have been in the process of being aware of our own energy as we are engaging the extreme expressions of the collective, and those who are in very close space with us. And in the process of doing that we are recognizing our own energy and how it's affecting what we're doing and our interactions with people.
ELIAS: In what capacity? How so?
PHIL: This idea of calm, and this peaceful awareness of self and how we can see how that is not only serving us. I won't say it's serving those around us, but it is contributing to what we can offer to people who are really struggling with trauma at this point in time.
ELIAS: And how would you describe the expression and the action of that calm that you are expressing to other individuals?
PHIL: To me it's an absolute knowing within ourselves what we're doing. It's a confidence. It's a knowing. It's a trusting.
ELIAS: And how is it displayed?
PHIL: It's displayed in a sense of it's like letting your energy do the talking for you, not having to do as much talking, say, not as much objective interaction. Being aware of inner connection and allowing our energy to flavor what we are engaging.
ELIAS: Excellent. Tremendous. And what of differences?
PHIL: Differences?
ELIAS: And what of the display in relation to differences?
PHIL: It is—speaking for myself, I believe it has given me, I call it patience, and that probably isn't the right word because I'm not waiting for anybody to do anything.
ELIAS: Ah, but patience isn't waiting. Patience is not waiting. Patience is allowing. Patience is never waiting, because patience is an action in itself, and that is the action of allowance. Therefore, your use of the word patience in that capacity likely IS correct. Therefore, you would describe your display in relation to difference as the expression of patience that allowance with those differences that are expressed.
PHIL: Yes.
ELIAS: Excellent.
PHIL: Yes.
ELIAS: I would ask you, how are you engaging and paying attention to reflections?
PHIL: Ah, good one. It is part of a process, and I believe that we have assimilated that process quite well and that we are recognizing that what we are observing in others is a reflection of our own energy. And so if we find ourselves, say, disturbed by something, then it causes us to immediately look to ourselves and see what we might be doing, thinking, expressing, ourselves that would cause these types of reflections that we might be observing at any given time.
ELIAS: And what are you noticing in that?
PHIL: Personally, I feel like what we have been reflecting to ourselves has been very positive, and I take from that to mean that we're on the right track with our own energy.
ELIAS: I agree. Now, I would ask you, when you aren't presenting yourself with challenges, when you aren't engaging with differences, when you feel calm and perhaps neutral, or even good, and whatever you are engaging or doing seems to be moving smoothly, what are you paying attention to? Are you paying attention to what is moving smoothly and how it is moving smoothly and paying attention to how easy everything appears to be? Are you paying attention to that alone, or are you also paying attention to what you are doing through all of that ease in all of the what you think of as the small actions within your day, the small choices that you don't even recognize as choices, you merely do them. Are you also paying attention to them and noticing what your motivation is for all of those actions?
PHIL: Indeed. We have moved in that direction a great deal.
ELIAS: Excellent. Do share.
PHIL: The subtleties.
ELIAS: Most definitely.
PHIL: The subtleties. I do catch myself all day long having reactions...responses, reactions, that are ingrained or learned or taught or whatever.
ELIAS: That in itself is excellent and tremendous that you notice.
PHIL: And then asking myself what is leading me to those. Yesterday was a perfect example, or two days ago. Not yesterday, two days ago we're driving around doing errands, going shopping, getting irritated with traffic and then going, "Wait a minute. You're not in a hurry. You don't have anywhere you have to be." It's just taking the notice of those. Just taking the notice of those ingrained reactions and then trying to recast them to what I will call my new position, what I feel is a different position than I have ever—WE have ever—engaged in our lifetimes.
ELIAS: [Clapping] Congratulations. That is tremendous, and that is the point, my friend. That is the core. And when you can do that and you can already see, when you can do that, when you can be aware of all of those automatic reactions that you do—or even when you aren't reacting, when you are merely engaging an action by rote and you are aware of what motivates you to do that when you do it. Why do you incorporate coffee in the morning and not at any other time? Why do you incorporate a substance at a particular time of the day and not other times of the day? Why do you chose the clothes that you are wearing today?
What is your motivation for doing what you are doing, regardless of what it is that you are doing, because those are the actions that you don't think about that you do every day repeatedly. Why you put your shoes on at a certain time, or don't put your shoes on at a certain time.
Everything that you do, EVERYTHING that you do, whether it is a reaction or not a reaction, it is tremendous that you are noticing the reactions. That is tremendous; that is an enormous step forward. I would express that noticing when you aren't reacting, when you are merely engaging actions by rote—
PHIL: The mundane.
ELIAS: --noticing the motivations for those is equally important, because just as you were aware of your reaction to traffic and then expressing to yourself that noticing and I'm not in a hurry, why am I becoming irritated? That is an excellent, excellent example, because that shows you how easy it is without thinking to be generating a choice, because that is a choice. Everything you do is a choice. Whether you breathe or not is a choice. Everything is a choice.
And in that, you can see that choice. You are choosing differently in the moment, but you can also use those noticings, those experiences as examples to yourself to identify constructs that are influencing those behaviors, those choices.
You might choose the same choice in some situations, but your motivation may be very different. You may choose at a particular time to be alone and express calm, a calming energy, and in that moment, not being aware of constructs and what you are actually choosing, or what is motivating that, you could be motivated to do that because you are irritated or because you are agitated and because you want to avoid other individuals, or you want to avoid a situation, or you could be aware of what you are expressing what your motivation is and what your choice is.
You may choose the same action to remove yourself and to be expressing a calm and peaceful energy, but being aware of what is motivating you and that you are not avoiding anyone, and if another individual approaches you and interrupts you it won't be bothersome to you because you aren't blocking out, you are making a choice for yourself in a moment that you are aware of and that you will do, but it isn't being motivated by irritation or avoidance. It remains inclusive. It remains open. You aren't shutting out. It remains open, but you are allowing yourself to do that action anyway, or in mundane, small actions that you do within a day that you don't think about how that influences you later in that day, the next day, the next week and that builds into situations that you don't want and that you don't like.
You could open your refrigerator and notice that there is very small amount of mayonnaise that is left in the refrigerator, just beyond enough for you to engage one sandwich and with a slight amount left in the jar, and you place the jar back in the refrigerator with that small amount in it. Then you engage your refrigerator later, and you take out that mayonnaise, and you notice—and you are alone and you notice—this is not enough mayonnaise, and you place it back in the refrigerator again. It still is there, and later in the day you express to your partner, "We need mayonnaise."
All seems very mundane. You don't think about it. In that action what you did—and this is only one step—what you did, you observed the mayonnaise, you knew that there was only a certain amount, and you immediately moved into an energy of not enough, and then later that carried to when you engage your partner and you remember the mayonnaise, and you are not sharing; you are expressing a demand.
You are not sharing information. You are expressing an expectation: "You go get more. We need mayonnaise," but in those three words you are expressing an expectation, and that is carrying a slight irritation that you were inconvenienced, and it is expressing a significant energy of not enough. And then later that evening you express the question, "Did you get mayonnaise at the store?" and your partner expresses, "No. I forgot." [Debbie gestures a blowup with her hands, Elias nods and Phil chuckles] Precisely. Precisely.
And it may not generate a significant conflict, but it will create a small conflict, and in that, you haven't noticed any of that building. You haven't thought about that, and in that, you weren't aware of how many times in the day that was carried on. And the next day you may carry it on into some other subject of not enough that has nothing to do with mayonnaise, but it began with the mayonnaise, and it kept building. And it builds and builds and builds until you generate some event or some experience that you think of as being big or noteworthy that is uncomfortable or you don't like, and you are expressing, "I was in a good mood. I was feeling calm. I was feeling happy. Why did this happen? What did I do that created THIS?"
PHIL: Out of the blue.
ELIAS: “I didn't do anything.” [Elias smiles] “Out of the blue.”
PHIL: Yeah, not so much.
ELIAS: Not at all.
PHIL: Yeah.
ELIAS: In that, it is those actions that you are doing that you do repeatedly, perhaps many times within a day. I recently expressed an example similar to this of how many times do you enter your kitchen within your day? That is a room that you likely enter quite a few times within a day. In that, let me express that to you, this is one room in your home, every time you move into that particular room you are looking for something. You don't enter that room for no reason.
PHIL: Right.
ELIAS: You don't saunter through the kitchen for no reason. There is always an agenda in that room. You are always looking for something in that room. Even if you are moving into the kitchen to wash the floor or to do the dishes, you are looking for something. You are looking for more order. You are looking for more organization, more cleanliness, more stable, less clutter. You are always looking for something in that room. If you don't find it, you leave that room carrying what you didn't find. You carry an expectation. You carry that energy of not enough and dissatisfaction, and this is a room that every one of you have in your home.
DEBBIE: I was just going to say, Elias, in the present situation, that kitchen, talk about held energy and where we're at right now. What happens around food ...
PHIL: It's kind of like the centerpiece, isn't it?
DEBBIE: Mine needs an exorcist [laughs].
ELIAS: Let me also express to you, for most individuals the kitchen is the room that you engage the most conflicts. You are more likely to engage a conflict in your kitchen, or begin a conflict in your kitchen, than any other room in your home, and every individual has a kitchen. This is a significant example that all of you can actually associate with, because you all have a kitchen and you all visit it many times within a day. Therefore, you have many opportunities in a day to see what you are doing and what the motivation is and how that affects and how that can be held energy that is carried through to other experiences. And there are many opportunities in the kitchen for dissatisfaction and not enough.
Dissatisfied with too many dishes, not enough eggs, not enough bread, too much to clean, too much clutter, not enough space. All of it translates to not enough and dissatisfaction. Not enough room, too crowded. In this, even the objects in the kitchen that you view as necessities, your refrigerator perhaps isn't big enough or isn't efficient enough, or your stove that doesn't heat fast enough or heats too fast.
DEBBIE: [to Phil] Your “slowest toaster in the world” this morning [at the hotel].
ELIAS: Yes.
DEBBIE: You don’t even have to be in your own HOME to show yourself. [All chuckle]
ELIAS: I would express that there are countless examples. This is an excellent area that you can use as a beginning point, as a direction.
PHIL: A touchstone.
ELIAS: Yes, for that emphasis on choice. You have choice in every moment. When you use almost all of the last of the mayonnaise, that was a choice. It was also a choice to place it back in the refrigerator. It is all a choice, every single action, and there are so many of them that you do within a day that you aren't paying attention to, that you aren't noticing what your motivation is for that. Even that action of engaging the last of the mayonnaise but placing the jar back in the refrigerator, there is an expectation in that. Someone else will replace it. Someone else will fix it. You won't; someone else will do it for you. Someone else will notice, and they will do it.
PHIL: Right. [Chuckles]
ELIAS: You don't think about any of that. You aren't aware of any of that or what your motivation was. The factor that you are noticing your reactions throughout the day is tremendous, because that is a beginning point. Because when you notice your reaction, you also notice your choices.
Then the next step is moving in the direction when you aren't reacting, and you are generating choices and to recognize them as BEING choices and what motivates them, because you have other choices in those situations also. In this, it is that factor of remembering and reminding yourself there are NEVER only two choices. It is never either/or. You always have more than two choices; you merely don't always SEE more than two choices, but the more information you give yourself the more aware you are, and that is the core point, being self-aware.
And the more aware you are, the more you do see other choices, the more you recognize it isn't either/or. "I have more choices, and I can actually see them." And your creativity is flowing, and you don't have to try to be creative. You don't have to try to think of something creative to give yourself another choice. It flows naturally, and you express it automatically and easily. THAT is your next step—and that is also your preview. [Laughs]
PHIL: Thank you. Thank you. What came to me is you're establishing patterns of energy through your choices, and those patterns create a bubble, if you will, that follows you around or proceeds you everywhere. And of course you're going to draw to yourself whatever those patterns are that you've established for yourself.
ELIAS: Precisely. Yes, you are definitely correct. Yes. And you don't even realize what those patterns are.
And as I expressed previously, that doesn't necessarily mean that you would change some of those patterns. You might like them, and they may also be a part of your natural flow. It is a matter of recognizing what your motivation is. You may be an individual that is considerably organized, that very much likes and appreciates order. That may not be an expression that you want to change. That may be part of your guidelines and your personality, therefore you may not necessarily change that, BUT knowing what your motivation for that is—is it that this is your natural inclination, your personality, your guidelines that motivates that, or is it that mixed with you can't engage anything other than what you are engaging, because that is too chaotic. You can't entertain anything outside of yourself, because that is too overstimulating. You need to know the organization of everything, because it gives you a sense of control.
PHIL: Ah! Very good.
ELIAS: Therefore you mix those constructs in with your natural flow, and you don't recognize that what you are doing in your own natural actions is also accumulating that energy that you don't want.
Now, let us use that as an example. How do you know the difference? How do you know the difference between when that construct, or those constructs, are mixed in with your own natural expression and your own personality and your own inclinations? How you know the difference is when you are in the process of organizing, that you enjoy that process of organizing and you aren't irritated with interruptions or other individuals helping.
PHIL: Ah!
ELIAS: Or how other individuals may be doing what they're doing while they're helping, if it isn't the matter that you do. When you are finished with a project of organization you genuinely revel in it, and you aren't expressing that it took too long or that it was tremendously difficult or it was a horrendous project. You aren't complaining about it. You are genuinely reveling in your display of your accomplishment. While you are in the process you aren't expressing to yourself this isn't enough, or this isn't moving quickly enough, or this is so irritating, or this is so bothersome. You are genuinely focused in what you are doing, and you actually are, in a manner of speaking, enjoying what you are doing.
That doesn't mean you are excited and jumping up and down and expressing, "I'm so happy to be doing this organizational task," but you are focused in what you are doing, and you are actually enjoying the process of what you are doing because you are allowing yourself to experience that sense of satisfaction throughout the process, rather than it is not enough, it is too difficult, it is incorporating too much time and too much work, and oh my God this is overwhelming. Constructs: constructs are mixing in with that natural expression.
When other individuals approach you and express, "Can I help?" and you express, "No, I will do it myself." Constructs, control: No. You cannot enter, and this is bothersome to me. I will do it how I will do it and that is that, because I require that control. That is the constructs mixing in with that natural flow. Or, another individual approaches and expresses, "Can I help?" and you look around at your project in what you are organizing, and you focus on one of the aspects of the project that you don't like as much, and you delegate it to the other individual, and you express, "Yes, you can do this, because I don't necessarily want to do that part of this organization."
And in that, you can share and you can include, and you don't control and you don't isolate, and you don't move in a direction of allowing those constructs to mix into what your natural expression is, and you want to share, because your sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, regardless of whether any other individual appreciates it or not, that is not important. Your sharing is what is important, because there is no expectation in relation to other individuals and what they think or what their perception is or what they appreciate. It matters not. You are sharing your accomplishment, and beyond sharing your accomplishment you are sharing a part of you, because that is your natural expression. In a manner of speaking, you are expressing an energy: "This is a display of me, and I appreciate you and care about you, and you are important to me, therefore I am sharing with you this display of me, because this is a part of me, because this is how I express myself. This is my natural flow. This is my guidelines and who I am, and it is displayed in what I do."
That is how you tell the difference.
PHIL: Very good. Thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
[To Debbie] Yes, breathe. [Elias and Phil chuckle softly] And why these tears?
DEBBIE: (Long pause) The masterpiece of the marriage and the house [Debbie's note: ‘Seeing’ my whole life, actually, in those moments], and [now] the inclusion of Phil., and [sighs] just looking at it all and how I move through it. Not going down any rabbit holes, but just kind of appreciating the whole thing, and seeing that that is what I'm doing [looking at Phil], ”showing” you.
PHIL: And how you have included me in your “display of you” has been quite wonderful.
ELIAS: [Softly] Congratulations. I would express that is all quite magical and majestic, and I am tremendously acknowledging of both of you.
I would also acknowledge to both of you sincerely, I am tremendously aware of how much you pay attention and how much you are actually applying what you pay attention to, that you are not merely expressing words but are doing, and that is the point.
You wanted a preview of our group interaction—the subject will be self-awareness. How aware are you? How SELF-aware are you? Each of you? And how aware do you want to be, because you have the capacity to be glowing. You have the capacity to be exceptionally self-aware, and you are well on your way. You are moving in that direction.
I would express to you, my dear friends: the Hindus, the Buddhists, the Muslims, the Christians, the Jews—all of them. They have one piece that is incorrect, and that is the piece — regardless of what you name it to be: enlightenment, nirvana, heaven—that it can only be achieved after you die. That is the incorrect piece.
That doesn't mean that you engage continuous, never-ending, uninterrupted bliss. You don't do that when you die either. But it does mean that you have the ability to achieve the type of self-awareness that is astounding, and it does not require work. It isn't difficult. It doesn't require tremendous time, effort, training—anyone can do it. You don't have to be a monk. You don't have to be a priest. You don't have to be a saint. Anyone can do it. It is merely a matter of attention, what you pay attention to and noticing what the motivation of your choices is.
Let me express to you my friends, when you can identify constructs as easily and as quickly as you can identify a color—and you CAN do that—your self-awareness will be to such a degree that you won't have to think about or entertain or strive for "living intentionally" and "being self-directing"—you will be that. You will be steering your boat continuously, and no one will ever take the wheel away from you again, and you will never run aground. That is inspiring and exciting.
And as I expressed, I reiterate, you are well on your ways. Congratulations.
PHIL: Thank you, Elias.
DEBBIE: Thank you.
ELIAS: And let me express to you, just as we were discussing about an individual's natural expression of organization and what can mix in with that, but what the display of that is when it is merely the natural flow and it isn't clouded with the constructs, as you develop and move more and more into genuine self-awareness, what you won't be expressing are those percentages any longer—how much are you shifted, how much are you aware—and you won't be comparing, and you won't be boasting to other individuals how enlightened or how self-aware you are, [whispering softly and emphatically] because you don't have to, because other individuals will already automatically know merely by being in your presence. And you won't think about whether they know or they don't, because it won't be important. And you will never ask myself another percentage question [Phil laughs], because it is irrelevant and it is meaningless. It is an indulgence. [Elias chuckles] And it is meaningless.
I would express to you, my friends: [to Debbie] be your organized self [all laugh]. Allow yourself to be that. Be your contained self [more laughing], and that is acceptable also, because it is natural [all laugh].
[To Phil] And for you, what I would express to you is, you can be calm in the midst of a storm. You don't have to turn away. Remember your boat. The storm can be raging outside of the boat. If you turn away and don't look at it, it doesn't go away, and you likely steer your boat into it. Or even if you don't steer your boat into it, other actions occur that are not necessarily directly with you but around you that can be distressing and that eventually can even lead into regret. Therefore, you can be the calm and the peace and not express the barrier of “I can't do this” or “I can't watch this” or “I can't hear this.”
Whatever it is that you can't watch, can't hear, can't do, you aren't doing, watching or hearing anyway, because it isn't you. You are you. You are doing it. It is occurring outside of you, therefore it can occur outside of you. The storm can rage, and you can move around the edge of it. You see it, you can even feel it, but you maintain that steady and that directedness. Don't turn away, my friend. It can't hurt you. Nothing can hurt you from the outside. Only you can do that from the inside.
Therefore, be yourself. Express your peace, your calm, your lovingness in the natural manner that you do, [whispers] but don't turn away. I promise you, you won't be infected. [All chuckle, laughing]
I express tremendous lovingness to both of you, dear friendship as always, and exceptional encouragement in what you are accomplishing. Well done.
DEBBIE: Thank you.
PHIL: Thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: In wondrous lovingness to each, au revoir.
(Elias departs after 59 minutes)
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