Friday, May 29, 2015 (Private)

Participants: Mary (Michael), Val (Atticus)

ELIAS: (Session starts in mid-sentence) ...practicing since our conversation?

VAL: Oh. We meet again so soon! I’ve just been...investigating. And I’ve had some considerable imagery since we talked about, I guess you’d say ”creative things” people do with wood and stone and such. So I’m here in Vermont.

ELIAS: Excellent.

VAL: And check out a couple places, perhaps, to see if I resonate. I’m trying to take your advice in increments.

ELIAS: And what do you feel?

VAL: I feel a little apprehensive, maybe, but I want to still continue to investigate.

ELIAS: And why are you apprehensive?

VAL: Well, I guess it’s a big step. Maybe the change is a little bit out of the comfort zone. Would you agree?

ELIAS: Yes. What is more important is your assessment.

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: (In a joking kind of stern manner) And I would express that your energy is somewhat rigid presently. (Val laughs) Why?

VAL: That’s what Mary said before the session.

ELIAS: Ah.

VAL: Yeah.

ELIAS: Why?

VAL: I was really relaxed until I came in.

ELIAS: What changed?

VAL: (Pause) There’s a lot going on. I need to open that black door.

I had a very nice conversation with Adam before. I have a very strong feeling that we’ve had a number of focuses together.

ELIAS: Correct.

VAL: His impression was 408.

ELIAS: Slightly more.

VAL: Really? And I also feel the motherly figure there, very intensely.

ELIAS: Which has been expressed many times.

VAL: Really?

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: A very intense fondness.

ELIAS: Excellent. And he does project an energy of a boy, -

VAL: (Laughs) Yes.

ELIAS: - which does incorporate a tendency to elicit that type of response in many individuals.

VAL: Yes. That feeling of wanting to reach out and be the mother, supportive.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Yeah. Exactly.

Ah, yeah. I wanted this to be kind of light, on the light side, because our most recent conversation was tense. So... But I still want to talk to you about the black door. What I got from our last conversation was that’s okay, it’s safe to open that black door.

ELIAS: It is.

VAL: And you know, my entire life I’ve been approaching the black door, but I put kind of a façade up, and it’s taking a lot of energy.

ELIAS: What is so frightening about discovering you? What are you afraid you will find?

VAL: I guess that my entire life has been more of a focus on other people’s impressions of me and trying to meet expectations, and I’ve gotten to the point where it’s really not important anymore, and it’s almost a foreign territory for me.

ELIAS: Yes. And in that, at times, for some individuals such as yourself, the fear is not necessarily that you will discover some awful aspect of yourself, but more that there will be nothing.

VAL: What do you mean by ”nothing”?

ELIAS: You have, as you say it, lived your life in the direction of expectations of other individuals and what you are supposed to be -

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: - and what you are supposed to do. And in that, in the shadow of all those expectations you develop a perception of yourself that somewhat reflects all those expectations, -

VAL: (Simultaneous with Elias) Expectations, yeah.

ELIAS: - for you begin to equate yourself with what you DO, rather than who you ARE. And in that, you become - just as we were discussing previously in relation to the productivity and producing - you become accustomed to that producing, and -

VAL: The other people’s perception of good.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Producer.

ELIAS: And that becomes, in your perception, who you are. You equate what you do with who you are, and therefore that becomes your perception of your being, is what you do.

VAL: Right.

ELIAS: And when you strip away those expectations, it is not necessarily that there is a fear that you will discover the genuine you and that may be terrible (Val laughs), or that you may be an entirely different individual and that would be bad, or that you have some deep secrets. Not necessarily. What can be more of a fear is that when you strip away all that you do - you are not viewing that as your perception of who you are - then you become -

VAL: Then what?

ELIAS: - left with nothing, and who are you? And in that, taking away the “what you do” leaves you in a position of -

VAL: At a loss.

ELIAS: Yes. Correct. And what is my perception of myself? Perhaps I do not have one. That can be, in a manner of speaking, more scary than the deep dark secrets (Val laughs), for at least the deep dark secrets are a thing. They are not nothing.

And in that, what I would express to you is that in this situation you have the freedom to develop a new perception of yourself from the beginning, that you can create a perception of yourself in whatever direction you choose that is not dependent upon what you do. Therefore, you can be whatever you want to be.

And in that, very realistically I would express to you that perception is the mechanism that creates your reality, and as we discussed, it is tremendously influenced by what you pay attention to. But in that also, it is ever changing. It is not that there was a perception of who you are and you were merely not seeing it; no. That implies that there is some official reality aside from your own, and there is not. In this, you literally are creating a new perception -

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: - of yourself; therefore it can be molded in whatever direction you choose it to be. It is a matter of not only discovery - for there is some element of discovery of who you are, aspects of yourself that have always been and are consistent and remain in relation to qualities and personality - but there are other aspects of you that have been dormant and therefore are yet to be discovered.

VAL: I think so.

ELIAS: And therefore it is not that you have not noticed them or that you were unaware of them before and that they always existed. The qualities have always existed; that is not to say they have ever been expressed. And therefore you are creating a new perception of yourself, for you are discovering new aspects of yourself, allowing yourself to wade into the waters by yourself and evaluate what your definition of that is and what your own experience of that is, rather than being told who you are.

VAL: Oh, yes. Trying to be what you are told.

ELIAS: (Simultaneously with Val) What you are told.

VAL: And that - there’s the intent. I have a deep feeling my essence intent is similar to my focus intent.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: So this is my impression, like, to do exploration like a nontraditional means or nontraditional areas or nontraditional - I don’t know how to describe it. Am I getting close there?

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Because I know that one of my focuses was Isabella Bird, and she was not traditional - a Victorian explorer at a time where ladies were not to be seen, so that kind of gave me a clue.

ELIAS: Yes. And in that, you have explored the other side of what is traditional -

VAL: Oh, yes!

ELIAS: - and what is accepted.

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: And now it is the time framework to allow yourself to acknowledge all of that exploration - and you did it, you experienced it - and use that to inspire you in new directions.

VAL: Because I almost feel a wildness about myself.

ELIAS: Excellent.

VAL: And, yeah.

ELIAS: I would be very encouraging of that. (Both laugh)

VAL: Ah. It’d be nice to know a few more nontraditional focuses. (Laughs)

ELIAS: (Quietly) I would express that you are living one now.

VAL: (Laughs) I know I am. (Both laugh) It’s not been easy. A little bit of conflict.

ELIAS: And what is the conflict?

VAL: Well, obviously, I have two different energies presenting themselves in a bond. When you look in the mirror, you’re like, it’s almost a conflict of who am I? I feel this energy inside, but I’m not seeing this energy on the outside. Do you understand what I’m saying?

And then for a period of time, I just hated myself because I didn’t feel normal. But most recently I think I’ve finally come to the realization that it’s more of a gift than it is a disability. I say that because you get to see both sides of the equation in one focus. Does that make sense?

ELIAS: And what is the ”it”?

VAL: Oh. The focus, the being, the - you have the male energy; you have the female energy; they’re both combined. I guess that would be -

ELIAS: And what do you feel that you do not see in the mirror?

VAL: My true self.

ELIAS: And what is your true self?

VAL: I DON’T KNOW! (Laughs)

ELIAS: Then how do you know you do not see it?

VAL: That’s true.

ELIAS: Therefore, you do know. What do you know?

VAL: In a way I feel I’m special.

ELIAS: How so?

VAL: Because I have the opportunity to view both sides.

ELIAS: And what is the conflict?

VAL: I guess the perception of other people. That’s been the conflict for me, because as a child I just was not - or I didn’t fit in. And then I spent so much energy trying to fit in.

I knew I was different, but I kept suppressing that because I wanted to be the model child, the model student, the model for the parents, the model because I thought that was me and it would bring happiness, but it didn’t. So now, fifty-eight years into the focus, it’s time.

ELIAS: When you express ”it is time,” time for what?

VAL: To let that go.

ELIAS: And if you let that go, what will you do differently, or how will you be different?

VAL: (Emotionally) Just be open.

ELIAS: Open to?

VAL: Me.

ELIAS: Ah, to you. Which would include, when you look in that a mirror, seeing you and not seeing something different, but that the image that you see in the mirror IS you and that that is not necessarily disappointing or incorrect - (slowly) what you feel within you, how you think, how you behave, the energy project, the persona that you express.

Let me express you, you are not as accomplished at hiding as you think you are.

VAL: No.

ELIAS: Therefore, the image that you see in the mirror is not as different from who you are as you think it is. I would express that in this new direction you may discover that years and years and years of attempting to acquiesce to expectations has required a tremendous amount of energy and did not actually camouflage very well who you actually are.

VAL: I think I’ve (inaudible).

ELIAS: (Laughs) Therefore, there is a tremendous amount of energy that has been spent in attempting to build a camouflage that was not very well maintained. (Both laugh) And in that, the one that you were fooling the most was yourself.

VAL: Was myself.

ELIAS: Is it not so much easier to not camouflage?

VAL: Yeah.

ELIAS: But also can be somewhat tricky if you do not know how to NOT do it.

VAL: Absolutely.

ELIAS: And that is a matter of catching yourself and practicing. And in that, you may be surprised at of how much of a moment-to-moment basis you have been attempting to maintain that camouflage in almost (emphatically) everything you do.

VAL: Which would be - would you say it’s pretty much counter to my intent?

ELIAS: Very much so.

VAL: This whole fifty-eight years.

ELIAS: In one respect I would agree very much so, but in another respect, in relation to your intent and the exploration in relation to unconventional expressions - or nontraditional - the exploration of the traditional and the conventional is a part of that.

VAL: Okay. So it’s...

ELIAS: Therefore, has it been purposeful? Yes. Has it been in actuality an avenue of your intent? Yes. Has it been very much so contrary to your natural flow? Yes. Yes, and therefore that has created considerable conflict.

VAL: And some body manifestations have evolved.

ELIAS: I would agree, yes. And I would express that it has created so much conflict within your experience and your lifetime that to a significant degree you don’t even notice the conflict any longer. You have become so familiar with it -

VAL: (Simultaneously) Familiar with it. Yeah.

ELIAS: - and it has become for you so normal that you do not even notice it or pay attention to it, and only pay attention when it appears to be more extreme in a moment, but not necessarily acknowledging the constant, ongoing, every-moment aspect of the conflict. In that, even individually, personally, privately to yourself, when you are alone and you are not engaging any other individual or any outside source, the dissatisfaction with yourself is a part of that conflict, the dissatisfaction of not fitting together, not being able to force yourself into that square hole -

VAL: Yes, I just read a session to that effect. Yes.

ELIAS: - as desperately as you try.

VAL: It doesn’t work.

ELIAS: And even when you are alone with yourself, you view yourself in the mirror and see that other face stare back at you. But the face that stares back at you, the form that presents itself back to you in that mirror image, is the actual you, not the you that you continuously attempt to convince yourself that you are (Val laughs) or that you wish you would be.

In this, let me express to you in a very realistic manner, that perhaps you may allow yourself a moment to actually look at and contemplate the next time you look in the mirror. I would express that you have, in a physical capacity, generated an excellent form for yourself which reflects very accurately -

VAL: Me.

ELIAS: - you. In very simple terms, you have generated a physical form that is attractive but does not necessarily express any distinct qualities of male or female.

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: You have very effectively created a body consciousness and an appearance that reflects, VERY accurately, that neutrality in relation to gender.

VAL: Yeah. That’s the way to put it.

ELIAS: In which -

VAL: And I’m comfortable, really. I feel good the way I dress and the way my hair is. It’s me.

ELIAS: I would agree. But even without the adornments, even without the garments -

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS:- you have created a form and an appearance that is considerably neutral which does not move in either distinct direction, which is more genuinely you.

Now; let me express to you - this is an important factor, genuinely - you have railed against the traditional and the conformity. Simultaneous to conforming and being traditional, you have also inwardly railed against it. And what you do - or what you have done pastly - is you have generated a perception of yourself in black-and-white terms which includes gender, in which one aspect of the pendulum swings in one direction and another aspect swings in the other. Meaning you view yourself biologically - I will not say ”physically,” because that would be inaccurate - but biologically you view yourself in one capacity and identify that to be female in gender. In every other manner -

VAL: Yes.

ELIAS: - you swing the pendulum in the other direction, very black and white. And in that, when you swing that pendulum in the other direction, you create this perception that the genuine you is the male gender.

I would very much disagree with you. I would express that in actuality, in genuineness, your physical appearance reflects the genuine you perfectly, -

VAL: Yeah.

ELIAS: - that you incorporate a male energy and a female energy in equal measure, and male qualities and female qualities in equal measure. You are not more male than female. You are not more female than male. You are neither.

VAL: (Laughs) No. No.

ELIAS: And that is the reason that you feel you do not fit, for you attempt to fit in the female direction and that is not successful, and you attempt to fit in the male direction, and THAT is not successful.

VAL: Or that one either.

ELIAS: For you are NEITHER.

You expressed to myself in relation to your conversation with the other individual, you feel motherly towards him, which is a very female expression, and very genuine. But in other capacities you express in very male qualities equally as much and equally as genuine, and that is significant, that you are not merely attempting to fit yourself into a male hole or the square hole; you are the triangle that is attempting to fit yourself in either the round or the square hole!

VAL: That is correct.

ELIAS: And you will not fit in either one.

VAL: Well, I haven’t yet, so...

ELIAS: And this is the opportunity of new discovery, to view that image in the mirror and accept it and express an appreciation for that of how attractive it actually is, that it is such a perfect expression of neutral.

VAL: So there’s no need to worry about changing it.

ELIAS: Precisely.

VAL: Thank you.

ELIAS: It isn’t a matter of changing anything. You already are who you are, and who you are is not nothing. It merely is not one or the other. It is not black or white.

VAL: No.

ELIAS: You are the embodiment of the gray (Val laughs), which expresses in much more volume than black or white.

VAL: You’re correct.

ELIAS: In that, I would express to you, my friend, you incorporate the freedom to explore in either direction, in both directions, in whatever capacity that you choose.

VAL: There are no barriers.

ELIAS: There are no barriers. There are no walls. There are no boundaries. In that, you can be you however you choose to be, in every moment. If you choose in one moment to be flamboyantly female, you can. If you choose in the next moment to be flamboyantly male (Val laughs), you can. And if you choose in the next moment to be neither, you can!

VAL: You’ve got to admit it’s an interesting focus, though. (Laughs)

ELIAS: I would very much agree.

VAL: Woo!

ELIAS: And I would express that it is very understandable that you have incorporated the conflict and the confusion that you have. Not many individuals choose this type of experience.

VAL: Yes, and my parents - you know, obviously the way I grew up, it was quite different for me. So yeah, you are correct.

ELIAS: It is considerably unusual, and somewhat rare, for individuals to express in the manner that you do. There are many individuals that move in the direction of being more black and white, of expressing one or the other - most individuals. Even those that choose to alter their gender, they are in a direction. They have chosen one or the other.

VAL: Absolutely. But that’s not part of my intent.

ELIAS: Precisely. It is not a part of you, either.

VAL: No, and I’ve known that from the beginning.

ELIAS: And this is not a matter of that type of expression.

VAL: Right.

ELIAS: You are genuinely in the gray, and not in either the black or the white, the male or the female, but both.

VAL: Yep.

ELIAS: And this was even reflected in our previous conversation -

VAL: (Inaudible)

ELIAS: - with the gardening and the fence.

VAL: And the work at Diane’s. (Inaudible) I used to garden, I used to work in a greenhouse, and I really absolutely loved it. At the beginning I thought that would be part of my career, but then I did what I SHOULD do, and I was miserable, (laughs) for years and years and years. Although I’ve got to say, I mean, when I switched careers and started working outside, that was a relief, and then with the animals, that was a relief. Then that got out of hand to, so... Yes, it’s important we have this conversation at this point.

ELIAS: And what do you feel now?

VAL: Lighter. I feel that I need to pay a lot of attention because it’s kind of, like you say, it’s a habit for me to kind of have a conflict moment by moment. It’s a real habit.

ELIAS: And remember, balance can incorporate intensity. Balance is not necessarily always comfortable.

VAL: I am ready for a little calm, though. (Both laugh) I’m tired. I’m tired.

ELIAS: Ah. But I would express that even in gardening you are a passionate individual.

VAL: Very.

ELIAS: Therefore, whatever you were to engage, you will likely engage it in a passionate manner, and therefore there will be some element of intensity -

VAL: Oh, yeah.

ELIAS: - in what you are doing.

VAL: Because I go all in. You’re absolutely right. If I find an interest, I’m in, maybe too much sometimes. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Not necessarily. I would express that that is part of the passion; and in that, the reason I express that to you is that you objectively know and can remember another factor, another point, to not attempt to fit yourself into what you THINK is supposed to be. That if you are expanding and newly discovering yourself and moving in your own new direction and are balancing yourself, that you always be calm; not necessarily. Or that that element of intensity will be calmed and will subside.

VAL: Probably not.

ELIAS: No. Most definitely not.

In this, it is a matter of recognizing that your balance will be expressed in your natural flow, and that will include intensities, -

VAL: I can see that.

ELIAS: - for it includes your passions. You express the neutrality in appearance, and therefore you present the image - which is also very purposeful - of stability, with the whirlpool and the raging winds within it. They can coexist. (Val laughs) And in that, it is an excellent example of how the passion and the intensity and the whirlpool and the raging winds are not necessarily an indicator of instability, are not necessarily an indicator of extremes and that all of that can be expressed in a stable and consistent and safe expression.

VAL: (Chuckles) I think I’ve been shifting for a long period in my life. Is that correct?

ELIAS: I would agree.

VAL: Maybe since I was a young child.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Yeah. So there’s a neutral base, but there’s a raging passion within.

ELIAS: Yes. And one is not the opposite of the other, and they are not in conflict. It is an example that passion is not unstable, that intensity is not necessarily unstable either.

VAL: Okay.

This essence, are there a lot of alignments with Milumet? I feel it so very strongly.

ELIAS: Yes. I would not necessarily express that there are tremendously more alignments with that essence family. It is understandable that you feel that or that you draw that to you, for that is a considerable expression of your energy, -

VAL: Okay.

ELIAS: - and therefore you would be drawn to those focuses or the energy of those focuses.

VAL: I feel kind of a wildness, like a non-containment.

ELIAS: I would agree.

VAL: That’s what I feel.

ELIAS: Milumet, once again, in a very similar manner to what we have been discussing with you, is not necessarily the quiet (Val laughs) expression of spirituality that many individuals think of. It’s not necessarily the image of a monk. Individuals that are aligned with or belonging to that family can very much be passionate and express considerable intensity in many directions. They are not necessarily quiet. (Chuckles)

VAL: Very good. Can I ask you about a friend of mine?

ELIAS: You may.

VAL: Well, he disengaged on Christmas Day. His name was Richard. We worked together for a number of years with horses. And I kind of had a feeling in the early fall that he was entertaining this idea of disengagement, (emotionally) and there were several times where I felt the need to maybe pick up the phone and call him, but then I got this kind of feeling of ”Don’t interfere,” like ”Don’t intrude,” like a hesitation. What was that about? I mean, I almost - like I wasn’t -

ELIAS: Stop discounting yourself! Stop judging yourself. Let me express to you, this is all purposeful. When you incorporate an idea that you want to engage a particular action — it matters not what it is — but then you do not do it, and the idea continues to present itself but you continue to not do it, there is a reason.

VAL: I thought so.

ELIAS: In this, generally when that occurs, the idea is being prompted by a ”should.” ”I should do this.” At times it may even be a ”have to.” But another aspect of you, which is generally expressed through your intuition - whether you listen to it or not - your intuition at times can be expressing in somewhat of a strength. Not that it is screaming at you, but it is influencing you through your body consciousness to do or not do an action. Therefore, you want to telephone an individual and you continuously forget.

VAL: I just had a feeling of -

ELIAS: Or you do not do it, or you continue to stop yourself. And you may even give yourself reasons why you stop yourself. It matters not. The point is that you continue to present the idea to yourself, but you continue to not do it. If you are not doing it, there is a reason.

Now; in a situation such as that, your energy was being received regardless. And what I would express to you is that he was not in a position to receive it in another manner.

VAL: I felt that.

ELIAS: He was not expressing a perception that was open to receiving that type of expression, for he was fighting with it. And in his own fight, when individuals are fighting with themselves they are not receptive to outside input and generally are rejecting of it, and in that rejection of it at times can even be hurtful or cruel.

I would express that your intuition was expressing to you to avoid that situation for yourself, and in that your energy was received.

VAL: I’m sure we’ve had a number of focuses together. Was he Milumet/Tumold in this focus?

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Yeah, I knew that. And soft.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Religious?

ELIAS: Emotional.

VAL: Emotional? Oh, my! That explains a lot. (Elias chuckles) He tried to put up a façade of not being emotional. He talked a lot about - you know, he grew up in a coal mine in West Virginia, and he talked about traveling. And his one ambition of travel was going to Egypt to see the pyramids. So I thought about that for a while, and I’m thinking he had focuses in ancient Egypt.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Because before I read the material, I found that really odd that this gentleman from West Virginia would want to go to Egypt, but now I know. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Not so very odd. (Laughs)

VAL: Yeah, I was quite close to him also, and I respect his choice. I think this shifting thing probably was a little bit much for him. (Both laugh) See, I don’t know if we have -

ELIAS: Perhaps only the objective aspect of it (Val laughs), not the subjective aspect of it. (Both chuckle)

VAL: I enjoyed my time with him. He was a joy.

Do you have time for my essence symbol? I think it’s got wildness in it. It probably has a bird, because I have a lot of bird imagery, especially ravens.

ELIAS: I would express yes, a raven.

VAL: I knew that.

ELIAS: A watching raven. But I would express that the imagery of your symbol would be expressed by an expanse of a savanna and a herd of zebras.

VAL: Oh my goodness! (Laughs) Okay.

ELIAS: And the zebras are surrounded by two interlocking rings.

VAL: Rings?

ELIAS: Rings, yes. And the zebras move in and out and through these rings.

VAL: The rings.

ELIAS: Yes.

VAL: Are the rings of a metal consistency, or -

ELIAS: The rings would be silver.

VAL: Silver.

ELIAS: And around the rings would be a configuration of cloud formations that encircles all of it in the shape of arms -

VAL: Wow!

ELIAS: - that contain all of it.

Now; in that, what would you express in interpretation of this symbol?

VAL: I’m a little bit concerned with it. I’m not sure about the arms. The other part, I feel like this energy is very passionate, obviously. The zebras are wild and moving, but the arms I’m not quite sure about.

ELIAS: That is the comfort and the nurturing.

VAL: Oh! Wow. My whole life. Yeah.

ELIAS: And is the holding.

VAL: Makes sense.

ELIAS: The rings express the duality. They are intertwined. And the zebras in their running herd is the passion and the intensity and the wildness.

VAL: Yeah.

ELIAS: And the raven that watches all on the edge of the rings is that aspect of knowing.

VAL: Oh. You know what? That’s beautiful. It’s going to make a real challenge for a tattoo artist! (Both laugh) What do you think?

ELIAS: I express that that may be quite creative.

VAL: Yeah. I think I’m going to get a tattoo with that. (Inaudible) unique.

ELIAS: Very well. And in that, I may express that you are (inaudible) as beautiful as the symbol.

VAL: Thank you. That’s a good compliment from a dead guy. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: I shall greatly be anticipating our next meeting, my dear friend.

VAL: Me also.

ELIAS: Go forth, incorporate fun, and REVEL in that neutrality.

VAL: I’m glad we had this talk. It was needed.

ELIAS: Very well.

VAL: Much love and appreciation to you.

ELIAS: And I express TREMENDOUS affection and lovingness to you, my dear friend. Until our next meeting, au revoir.

VAL: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 1 hour 1 minute)

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