Saturday, May 6, 2006 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Terri (Uliva)

(Elias’ arrival time is 20 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

TERRI: Good afternoon, Elias. And I’m sure that you are as always? (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I’m very excited today. Can you sense that? (Elias laughs) I think I’ve finally gotten a big piece of the puzzle that with the group session was about. I came up there this past weekend to see Shawn, the guy I met up there before, after we had talked every day for a month. And every day of the weekend was perfect. And then on the way home, I got a couple of texts from him but they seemed… the tone of them seemed to be more distant. And then by the end of the day it just seemed to be… it had like a cold feel to it. And then by the end of the next day, he wasn’t talking to me at all. So I started working on this because I really want to keep this relationship with him going. So I thought, okay, well I’ll take this opportunity to see if I can apply what we learned at the group session.

So my first thought was I created getting lost from the directions he gave me, and I created going in this huge circle, which in hindsight I thought was my imagery of the hamster wheel I was getting ready to climb back onto. Is that correct?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So then I thought okay, so that pertains to expectations and I started reviewing what expectations did I have of him? And then I thought that was it, but he still wasn’t talking to me. I’m like, okay, there has to be more.

So then I got down to trying to pay attention to what I was doing. What am I doing? And I’m taking my dog for a walk. And why am I taking my dog for a walk? And I thought, because it shows that I care about him. So I thought that this whole thing I’ve created was to give me a chance to review my core truth of caring. Is that correct?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So over the weekend, I missed all of the times I was filling the container, which, by him handing me a beer that was unopened, I thought, “If he cared, he would’ve opened it.” So that went into the container. And then I thought, “The toilet was broke,” and I thought, “He knew I was coming. If he cared, he would’ve fixed that.” So that went into the container. And then we had dinner with his dad, and I thought, “Well, if he cared about me, he knows I’m going to be here for a few days, that he wouldn’t want to spend it with his dad.” So that went into the container. And I still wasn’t getting it. So on the drive home, I blew up the container by turning down the communication between us. Is that correct?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. Good. (Both laugh) All right, one more try. So I tried to move my attention from “Okay, he’s not communicating with me any more. That means he doesn’t care any more.” And I tried to move my attention in a couple of different ways. One, saying that he recognized how awesome the weekend was, too, and he just needs some time to process his feelings, because I’m so far away. So by not communicating with me, he’s actually showing me how much he cares. Is that a good way to move my attention and try to change the energy?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. And then, so I thought, “Okay, I can… I was looking for a sign yesterday and I was coming home on Chester. I was behind a yellow truck, which yellow is my focus color, and he drives a pickup. And before, when I was leaving Vermont, when I thought he stood me up, I saw a yellow 18-wheeler and a hawk. And I thought, “Okay, that represented him thinking of me.” So after following the yellow pickup truck I didn’t quite get it. And then I created a yellow 18-wheeler and a yellow pickup truck on the other side of the road and a hawk. And I thought, “Okay, that’s my heightened message that he is thinking about me.” Is that correct?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So then I saw a whole tree full of turkey vultures and I wanted to know the meaning of the turkey vultures.

ELIAS: And what is your impression?

TERRI: Well, turkey vultures can eat anything. So maybe a message that, another reminder of my power, that I can do anything, like reinforcing the message of the hawk? Maybe.

ELIAS: Partially.

TERRI: Okay. They don’t kill their prey. They find remnants. I don’t know. I can’t. That was the only thing I had, that they could survive anything, that nothing could kill them.

ELIAS: That is partially the imagery that you have been presenting to yourself, but also the… MANY of them is another factor of the imagery, in that there are MANY expressions that can potentially be placed in that container, and the importance of paying attention.

TERRI: Okay, so that led me to this morning, figuring out the other piece of… He hadn’t… that things are changing… energy is moving in the right direction, but he hadn’t resumed communication yet because I thought I wasn’t ready, that I feel this need that everything has to be perfect, so I won’t screw it up again. Is that, is that part of it?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. And is that related to my core truth of image? This…

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: It is image. Okay.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: So…

ELIAS: But this would be a limiting expression of that.

TERRI: Oh, absolutely! So I need to be aware that I feel this need, that… Because I don’t feel it with my girlfriends. If I move my attention to concentrate on the many relationships I have that I don’t feel this need for being perfect, will that loosen the energy and then I can recognize that I have choices, that I can, that I can have a conversation with them without feeling that everything needs to be perfect?

ELIAS: Yes. For in this, with other individuals you are more accepting of yourself and therefore it is not necessary for you to be expressing “perfect” in your terms.

TERRI: Does that stem from my relationship with Kenny? It had to develop somewhere along the line, this needing to feel that every encounter needs to be perfect or I’m never going to see him again. That’s such a…

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: It does stem from that?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So am I doing enough now to be… So I just need to pay attention to what I’m doing and recognize when I have that feeling, and then move my attention to another belief?

ELIAS: Pay attention to what you are doing, and recognize the moments in which you are generating these expectations of yourself, that you must be “perfect.”

And remind yourself and acknowledge yourself in relation to other individuals, that you are valuable with other individuals, and it is unnecessary for you to prove yourself with other individuals. And you are the same individual, whether you are presenting yourself to a potential partner or lover, as you are with your friends. You are the same individual.

Therefore, if you are valuable with them, you are also valuable with the individual that you choose to generate a romantic relationship with. If it is not necessary for you to prove yourself and to be perfect with your friends, who appreciate you and who love you and who incorporate affection with you, it is also not necessary for you to be perfect and prove yourself with an individual that you express a romantic relationship with.

And also remind yourself that when you move in that direction, you sabotage yourself.

TERRI: Right. Which is what I did. The whole thing with my car and being aware of my truth of image before… I was thinking this morning that I feel I’m ready for an intimate relationship and I needed to, I needed to be aware of these two core truths so I could move forward and progress in an intimate relationship. So was that like a precursor to all this? Starting to realize that core truth of image?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. Good. (Laughs)

ELIAS: For in this, it is expressed very strongly. And, in acknowledgement of yourself, recognize that this is your guideline and this is good with you, but also recognize that there are pitfalls with guidelines…

TERRI: Right, which this is one of them. (Laughs)

ELIAS: …with regard to other individuals, for their perceptions and their guidelines may be different. And, in those differences, as I expressed with the group, as you are aware, you generate automatic personalization and expectations.

TERRI: So that part of it was the expectations, but it was more the expectations in relation to my core truth of caring, what it means to care and not care.

ELIAS: And also of image.

TERRI: Right, and image.

ELIAS: BOTH were in play.

TERRI: Right, yeah, so it took me a while to get both of them. But I think I finally understand what it means to pay attention to what I’m doing and…

ELIAS: Ah! Congratulations!

TERRI: Yeah! That was like, I just felt like this huge light bulb went on. It was like: “Oh! I get it!” (Elias laughs) And if I hadn’t kept asking myself, “What am I doing?” when I’m walking my dog, “What am I doing?” I wouldn’t have gotten it.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

TERRI: Like, “Why am I walking my dog?” “Because I’m showing him that I care.” And it just all came together. It was just like this big opening and it all came together.

ELIAS: I am understanding. And I am greatly acknowledging. And do you recognize the freedom that you are opening to, in this discovery?

TERRI: Yeah, because I would have never been able to move my attention before, to thinking that he was showing me how much he cares, based on his guidelines. I would’ve stuck to: “He’s not communicating with me. He doesn’t care.”

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: And I would’ve thrown the whole relationship away.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: So I recognized that I had a choice to move my… Because I was getting kind of hung up that when you said you have a choice that it meant in a physical doing. But you also mean in relation to moving my attention to another belief. That’s also a choice, right?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. Because I kept getting stuck, that it meant something I was physically doing, but it’s also a choice and I had a choice to move my attention to believe something else was going on.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. Cool. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Choices are expressed in many manners. And in EVERYTHING you do.

TERRI: Right. Which is what I didn’t get before. You know, I was reading my transcripts about my relationship with Jeff, and I kept telling you I understood, I got it, and then after my experiences these last couple of days, of getting these couple of things, I didn’t get it at all. (Elias laughs) So that’s why you kept saying, “You’re going to abort what you’re trying to accomplish,” and I wasn’t getting it.

ELIAS: Precisely.

TERRI: Yeah, I guess I just wasn’t in a place to understand it yet. (Elias laughs) I know a lot of… I had a lot of beliefs with him about needing to be perfect and not telling him about my kids, and a fear, you know, that that would drive him away, and that was all related to image.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: My core truth of image.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So what I wanted to do was send him a text tomorrow saying, “Good luck with your surgery,” which I feel I have no expectations of, but then I wanted to add a piece, “If you get bored next week, give me a call.” But I thought, that sounds discounting of me, saying that he would only call me if he was extremely bored and had nothing else to do. Is that right?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: So how can I phrase it, that’s not discounting of myself, but accomplishes me resuming the communications?

ELIAS: By not placing the onus upon him.

TERRI: Okay, so by not saying, “Give me a call.” But I can’t say, “I’ll give you a call.” I mean I could, but I don’t think that’s going to accomplish what I want. By not saying anything at all, just saying, “Good luck with your surgery next week?”

ELIAS: What is your perception that you would express that you expressing yourself would not accomplish?

TERRI: Well, I guess… I guess because if I were to say that, I would want to say something like, “Is it okay if I give you a call?” and that’s discounting. I mean I just can’t… If I just say, “I’ll give you a call next week to see how you’re doing”?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Oh! (Laughs)

ELIAS: That is, that is what you want.

TERRI: Right.

ELIAS: And that is acknowledging of yourself and your feelings. And expressing yourself. Not generating an expectation of the other individual…

ELIAS: Not…

TERRI: To answer the phone you mean.

ELIAS: Not placing the onus on the other individual to initiate the action.

TERRI: But if I say…

ELIAS: And not discounting yourself in requesting permission.

TERRI: Because that would be discounting.

ELIAS: Correct.

TERRI: Ok.

ELIAS: It is unnecessary to request permission of another individual for you to express yourself.

TERRI: Okay. So I could see, if I did that, I could feel a fear coming up that, “What if he doesn’t answer?” That that means he doesn’t care. But I can move my attention, saying, “I just want to let him know that I’m thinking of him,” and just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

ELIAS: Correct. And also, move your attention to YOU, my friend. In this, rather than concerning yourself with the perception of the other individual, it is more effective in the movement that you are generating now, in exploring your truths. This is associated with that core truth of caring. NOT that you are seeking the caring of the other individual, but that YOU are expressing your own freedom, in allowing yourself to express your own caring, and offering that freely without expectation.

TERRI: Okay. So, is part of his reaction because he hasn’t felt about… this way about somebody since he’s been divorced, and he’s just, he doesn’t want to care about somebody that much right now? Or he’s just tentative about caring? Is that part of it?

ELIAS: No.

TERRI: Is it because I’m so far away?

ELIAS: Partially. And partially somewhat of a hesitation in association with his own apprehensiveness, and somewhat associated with his own fears and his own expectations of himself. But, it is not a matter or an expression of not caring.

TERRI: Does it have something to do with the poem I left him? That I freaked him out?

ELIAS: No.

TERRI: No, okay. Was that…?

ELIAS: You are continuing to attempt to find reasons to justify creating a mistake or a failure. Stop!

TERRI: Okay. But that was discounting of myself, to ask him if the poem freaked him out?

ELIAS: Yes, for you are seeking a validation to discount yourself.

TERRI: Right. Okay. And then after this… I’m trying to understand discounting and opposition. So opposition would be, like say tomorrow I really want to text him, but then I say, “No, you shouldn’t do that.” That’s opposition?

ELIAS: Any discounting of yourself, or expectations, which would be the shoulds and the should nots, or compromise, or acquiescing, or personal responsibility: these are ALL expressions of opposing energy.

TERRI: Okay. Did I create the crying at the Winchester thing yesterday because I really wanted to be back home to study this some more, to figure it all out?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay, because I was trying to… Part of me felt like well, I just don’t want to be here with these people right now, but I didn’t want to leave because Amy was coming, but I really didn’t want to be there, so…

ELIAS: And…

TERRI: … so I wasn’t paying attention to what I wanted to do.

ELIAS: Correct.

TERRI: Okay.

ELIAS: And generating the should.

TERRI: Right.

ELIAS: The expectation of yourself, which is another opposing energy.

TERRI: For me to generate a good excuse of why I had to leave, and that was it. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: It is also not necessary to justify.

TERRI: Right. Which is what I did.

ELIAS: For justifying is another expression of discounting yourself and…

TERRI: Well, I kept trying to balance it out with appreciating everything. Was I doing a good thing?

ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. And let me also express to you, I am not discounting of you. I am offering information which you are ready and willing to receive.

And in that, I am not encouraging you to be discounting of yourself either. I recognize that you understand, to an extent, what you are doing, and you are recognizing more and more quite quickly what you are doing and what it is associated with. And you are identifying more and more clearly when you are discounting yourself.

And in that, I also recognize that this is your process, and in your process you may generate choices that you understand are discounting of yourself, but in a manner of speaking, those choices are bridge choices. They are the choices that you understand what you are doing, but you are not quite across the bridge, upon the other side of the ravine, to not feel the necessity to incorporate certain choices.

Therefore, you may generate a compromise or a justification, but you are also aware of what you are doing. And you are aware of what type of energy that projects. Therefore it is what I would term to be a bridge choice. It is bridging you to accomplish what you actually want, and that is to be acknowledged.

And the more you practice actually listening to what you want, and allowing yourself to do that, regardless of whether you perceive it necessary to generate a bridge point or not, what is significant and to be acknowledged is that you are allowing yourself permission to generate the choice that you want ultimately, and that is significant. Not denying yourself and not forcing yourself to continue in choices that you are uncomfortable with and that you genuinely do not want to engage.

TERRI: Okay. So, talking about processes a bit, I thought maybe one of my processes was, as far as with Jeff and Shawn, was to start the relationship and then blow something up, because I needed to learn another piece of it and then resume it, instead of thinking I can keep it going and learn as I go. It’s like I create this break to be able to realize and focus on what it is I’m trying to learn.

ELIAS: But this is what you do.

TERRI: Right. That’s what I’m saying. That’s my process.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay.

ELIAS: This is what you do in MANY expressions. You generate…

TERRI: Say what I’m doing with work right now, with my listings not selling. I’m thinking that that’s also part of my core truth of image and…

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: … and successfulness also?

ELIAS: Success is associated with image.

TERRI: Okay, so success is an influence of my core truth of image.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay.

ELIAS: Yes. And in this, the manner in which YOU process is to be generating explosive experiences.

TERRI: Do I do that both ways? Because sometimes, like, something grand that’s really great will seem like an explosion, too. Do I…

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Oh,okay.

ELIAS: Yes. It is not merely in what you term to be negative experiences.

TERRI: Mm-hmm. I just recognize it more.

ELIAS: You generate this in humorous experiences, in joyful experiences, in sad experiences, in frustrating experiences. You generate this type of movement in whatever direction that you choose, for this is YOUR choice of HOW you process. This is your natural flow of energy. And it attains your attention quite efficiently.

TERRI: Yeah, but it’s frustrating sometimes, too. (Both laugh) So if I keep making, going in the direction that I’m going, as far as things that are more or less possible, is it more possible that I can resume this relationship?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. Okay, well that helps a lot. (Elias laughs) I just like getting the compliments and the validation. Is that part of image also?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. (Elias laughs) That’s like a huge core truth.

ELIAS: Yes. Core truths generally are. (Laughs)

TERRI: And the one about caring is huge, too.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Okay. So I just keep working on paying attention to what I’m doing and… I think I’ve been doing good, staying in the moment lately.

ELIAS: Yes. And that is a natural byproduct of discovering your core truths, for you naturally encourage yourself and generate that curiosity in relation to what you are doing. And that naturally encourages you to remain in the now. And to be present with yourself.

TERRI: Which has gotten easier and I more quickly notice when I start drifting off. (Elias laughs) Okay, well, our time is up. Any last words of wisdom?

ELIAS: Merely an acknowledgement and an encouragement, my friend. In this, remember to acknowledge allowing yourself the freedom to express you, not seeking permission to express you, but merely allowing yourself to do it. (Laughs)

TERRI: Okay. Thank you very much, as always.

ELIAS: I am anticipating of our next meeting and I shall be offering my energy to you in great encouragement.

TERRI: Thank you.

ELIAS: In friendship and tremendous appreciation, au revoir.

TERRI: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 33 minutes.)

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Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.