“Why Am I Attracted to Married Men?”
Monday, October 24, 2005 (Private)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Inna (Beatrix) and Ella (Bella)
(Elias’ arrival time is 15 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
BOTH: Good morning, Elias.
INNA: I just want to say at the beginning I’m very glad we’re having a session. This is the first time I think I created something in the moment. I didn’t plan to have a session, and then I just felt like I wanted to talk to you, and it was like instantly — somebody cancelled and we had time. It was the first time I had this feeling, and it was very nice and warm, the first time I experience it.
ELIAS: Congratulations. (Chuckles)
INNA: I’m going to start. It is about my son, Misha. For a long time he’s had migraine headaches, and what is unusual about it is he’s saying he’s almost losing his visual. He loses his peripheral vision, he has the headache, he’s nauseous, and all he can do is go to sleep. What is that about? Why does he have these headaches?
ELIAS: This type of experience with this type of headache is not unusual, if people are generating this type of headache. In this situation, this individual is pushing his energy quite strongly, generating considerable pressure.
In that, if the individual is holding energy very tightly and forcing energy in strength, that can be quite physically affecting. Some individuals may generate dis-ease in creating this type of intensity of forcing energy, generating considerable expectations of themselves and continuously pushing their energy. That physically exhausts the physical body consciousness, and in that, the body consciousness, dependent upon the severity of the pushing and the forcing and the holding, responds in equal capacity. Therefore, it shall generate an equal expression of severity in what it manifests, to be expressing the message “you are pushing energy and forcing and holding very tightly.” The body responds by releasing energy, for energy cannot be contained.
INNA: What’s strange to me is the vision. He says he almost cannot see anything. It’s like a small dot and that’s all. I couldn’t understand it because I didn’t experience it.
ELIAS: I am understanding. For, the brain is responding in equal intensity to his forcing of energy to release that energy. Therefore, it is also generating an action of defocusing, which creates a situation in which the body consciousness can release that extremely held energy, and in a manner of speaking, the body consciousness is forcing him to relax.
INNA: He just goes to sleep.
ELIAS: Correct, for the body is forcing that action, and it is forcing it in a manner that is extreme, for it is matching the intensity of his pushing.
INNA: What should he do? How can he stop it?
ELIAS: My suggestion is that he begin incorporating two actions daily: one, to be incorporating some type of physical action, such as incorporating a walk for approximately one half-hour or three-quarters hour, and in that, to be incorporating the walk in a manner that is brisk enough to release energy but also paying attention to being relaxed within the action of the walk, to be aware of his physical body consciousness and intentionally be relaxing all areas of his body while he is engaging this walk; and also to be generating a visualization, in that, perhaps merely to incorporate a quarter hour, perhaps slightly longer initially, and after a time framework, approximately two of your weeks, the visualization may be more brief, perhaps ten of your minutes.
In the visualization, what I suggest that he incorporates is some visualization of a physical area that he finds pleasing, some area that is calm and pleasing. Create an actual scene in which he is incorporating some calm action, whether that be merely sitting or easily walking through his scene, but in this scene, to be engaging his physical outer senses. Therefore, in whatever scene he places himself in in this visualization, he can feel the air, he can smell what is around him, he can taste the air, he can hear the sounds, he can feel the sun, he can be aware of his skin in that environment.
The reason that it is important to engage the outer senses in this visualization is that it holds the attention focused in the visualization. It also allows the individual considerable distraction, and therefore, the body is allowed to release energy and to relax more efficiently.
In incorporating these two exercises each day, this shall familiarize him with his body and will familiarize him with the action of relaxing.
INNA: Is it related to him being intermediate?
ELIAS: Not necessarily.
INNA: Why is he so intense? Why does he push his energy?
ELIAS: The why is not important.
INNA: Second, he had two dreams in a short period of time six months ago, two dreams that he died, dis-engaged. The first dream was he drives with me in his car and he understands that he’s not alive anymore. We are coming from his funeral, and he’s saying, “It’s over; all the relatives left. They came to say goodbye to me, and it’s okay that it’s over.” He talks to me, but he understands that he already disengaged. The second dream was that he went to a fortuneteller, and she told him he’s going to die at age 16. He’s 16 now, and he was very nervous about it; now, not so much. But when it happened, he was very nervous something was going to happen to him. Why did he have dreams like that? Is he okay? Is he planning to...?
INNA: I didn’t have that feeling. When he told me, I said I don’t think anything is going to happen to you.
ELIAS: No. It is a presentment of the concept of death and his allowance of himself to examine that and his response to it, and to address to an element of fear in association with it. He is not choosing to disengage presently.
INNA: He said, “One reason I wouldn’t do it is because I love you, Mom, and I don’t want to put you in that situation.” And I was very appreciative of it, and I was very touched by that.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but this is not what he is choosing. He is presenting this concept to himself to offer himself the opportunity to examine his response to it, recognizing that he does incorporate a slight element of fear, but it is not much.
What he is doing is rather than merely interpreting that as an opportunity to examine how he is responding to the concept of death and acknowledging himself that he does not incorporate much fear in relation to this subject, he is creating a fear in anticipation. In that, once again, it is an action that is very familiar to him, which creates another avenue to be pushing energy and holding to his own energy very tightly, for he generates this concentration upon anticipation of what if. Therefore, that generates more tension.
INNA: So just tell him to relax?
INNA: Recently Joanne, essence name Gildae, she was in my house, and she had an impression about a focus when her sons Michael and Jimmy and me and my son Misha were one family and somebody drowned in the river. Misha was listening to that, and I think that experience about death and dying... A related question about that: the girl who drowned, it was me?
INNA: Joanne’s son was the boy who tried to save me, and my son Misha was one of the kids. He was a girl or boy?
INNA: This question is about somebody I met recently, my personal relationship. The man’s name is Rafael. My impression is that we had a focus as flamenco dancers in Spain.
INNA: How many focuses do we have together?
INNA: Can I ask his statistics?
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
INNA: Definitely Zuli — Gramada/Zuli?
INNA: And he’s common.
INNA: And his essence name is?
ELIAS: Milan, M-I-L-A-N (mee LAHN).
INNA: When we danced together, was I a man or a woman? I think I was the man. I saw the image of a dark haired man, very Hispanic.
INNA: I see some sort of a pattern in my relationships, because he’s married now. The pattern is whoever I like is a married man. I was always thinking it was negative and I didn’t want to start a relationship, but now I am thinking why not, because I want it. Why is the pattern like that? Why do I choose someone who is not available?
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
INNA: I see the pattern now; it’s obvious. Maybe it creates more intensity because I can’t have it?
ELIAS: Partially, which generates an excitement, but also partially this is a method that you have chosen to allow you your own direction.
INNA: That’s true; I don’t want to get married.
ELIAS: This allows you an avenue in which you can involve yourself with another individual, and you can express an intimacy with another individual but also maintain your independence, so to speak, not distracting yourself from your own directions with the beliefs that you would automatically begin to express — the incorporation of personal responsibility for the other individual or obligation or even somewhat servitude.
In this manner, you offer yourself a method that is efficient for you to be engaging in intimacy and creating what you want but not interrupting your family and your home.
INNA: I also felt that this guy has some connection to the man we were talking about in my first session, who I was in love with. Do you remember?
INNA: I even had an impression that they are focuses of the same essence. When I look at him, something is alike.
ELIAS: No, but they are counterparts.
INNA: What I said about my relationships with married men, I think it is continuous to my other focuses too. I see in some focuses, other life times, that I want to be an independent woman. Is it a problem for my essence? Is it part of my intent to be independent?
ELIAS: As a theme, yes.
INNA: There is something about questioning what love is, the manifestations of love.
ELIAS: Yes, and exploring that in many different forms.
INNA: A part of what love is is to be family, what family is. Is it part of my theme?
ELIAS: Not as much.
INNA: I recently read “The Da Vinci Code,” it’s a very popular book, and my impression is that I was part of Essenes, the group.
INNA: Do I have some connection to Mary Magdalene?
INNA: She was the most interesting to me. I couldn’t get too much information, but I felt something.
Do I have a focus as a priestess in the temple of Athena in Greece?
INNA: That was Ella’s impression, actually. Ella has an impression that I have two focuses in the Alterversity, one male, one female, Travis and Ariann.
INNA: In the now time, I see one woman almost every day in the train I take to work. I think she is a focus of me. She’s younger than me, in her twenties. (Pause)
ELIAS: No, but you do observe that focus. You have also incorporated other focuses with that individual.
INNA: Do I have any connection the singer Sting? His music and the lyrics in his songs talk to me.
INNA: I’ve never asked about my colors, my focus colors.
ELIAS: And your impression?
INNA: Bluish green, like sea foam.
ELIAS: For which?
INNA: My focus.
INNA: And my essence is purple?
INNA: Do I have a Dream Walker aspect?
INNA: What part of the blueprint did the Dream Walker...?
ELIAS: That would be for you to discover, would it not? A new investigation. (Chuckles)
INNA: In my first and second session, especially the first, I had some apprehension about you. I never asked, but I think something happened between us that gave me that apprehension. I didn’t want to know before; now I want to know.
ELIAS: Yes. You share a focus with myself in which we generated a relationship but not in friendship, in roles of adversaries. In that focus, you expressed a strong adversarial role with myself. In viewing that focus now, you would deem it to be violent and negative.
INNA: I was violent?
ELIAS: Yes, that would be your assessment now in association with your beliefs in this focus, and it would not be a focus that you would deem to be pleasant. That generates, in that familiarity, a sense of apprehension. Also in the difference of the roles now, it triggers an underlying sense of wondering if I incorporate or harbor some negative association, which I do not.
INNA: I felt like you don’t like me. Why you don’t like me? (Laughs)
ELIAS: Not so!
INNA: Can we be more specific about this focus?
ELIAS: This focus would be in the 15th century in the physical location of Egypt. You incorporate the role of a male individual that is somewhat prominent in the area. I incorporate a role of being somewhat mischievous and of a lower caste. In that, I would be in the role of somewhat subservient to your individual, but in generating a mischievousness, also generated considerable trouble.
INNA: Did I kill you?
ELIAS: No, but you did incorporate many actions of correction, shall we say.
INNA: I’m sorry!
ELIAS: There is no need for apology; it is a choice. It is a focus, and in that focus, the experiences were what they were, and there is no judgment. I have incorporated many focuses in which other individuals have murdered me. It matters not, for they are experiences in each focus, and they are associated with each focuses’ intent and what their exploration is in that particular scenario. It is merely an exploration. I incorporate no judgment right or wrong, good or bad, with any of these focuses. They merely are experiences.
INNA: So now Ella.
ELLA: My first question is periodically I experience something I call brain quakes. My reality goes completely askew for a couple of seconds, and it feels like everything inside my head is rearranged. It’s very disorienting. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, it has a lot of intensity. I don’t have an impression about what it is except my own way of defocusing periodically. I’d like to hear your opinion on that. What should I do with it?
ELIAS: It is not a matter of what you should do. But you are partially correct in that it is a temporary defocusing, but it is also associated with generating new neurological pathways in your physical brain. In that, the disorientation is what you have chosen rather than a headache. It allows you to experience the physical action of these openings but not with pain, so to speak. It also, in that periodic disorientation, allows you an experience of defocusing yourself, which may also, in certain other situations, be helpful to you as a reminder of that experience of defocusing if you are choosing to be experiencing other focuses or other physical dimensions more clearly. For to be projecting and experiencing another physical dimension, it somewhat requires you to defocus this particular manifestation and therefore not be singularly attached to this particular focus, allowing you to access other experiences.
ELLA: I used to incorporate a lot of fear related to that. It is disorienting, so I usually just bump myself on the head because I’m doing something and it comes at an inconvenient time. But I don’t incorporate as much fear, mostly annoyance. Most of the time I just disregard it and keep going, which makes it easier. My concern is I guess I would like some kind of assurance that this will not happen while I am driving, because that concerns me. I don’t know how to assure myself of that.
ELIAS: You may assure yourself of that by not incorporating the fear and not concentrating your attention on that.
ELLA: I’m not fearful; I don’t think it’s a tumor in my brain. I feel it’s normal and part of me evolving.
ELLA: I think I’m pretty actively working on getting rid of the disease that is called asthma. It’s much improved, but I’m still holding to it. Lately I had a feeling that possibly it’s related to another life, and possibly it shows me how somebody else felt when I was choking them or some sort of action that maybe I caused another person, and this is my way of knowing how it felt.
ELLA: Then why am I doing that?
ELIAS: This is associated with this focus and you. It is an indicator to you, a type of gauge. When you create this action, you are offering yourself a physical indicator that you are restricting your energy, that you are becoming tense or anxious and you are beginning to restrict your energy. This is not an attack. This is what you are generating to remind yourself to relax.
ELLA: Also I would like to confirm, I’ve had feelings that you’ve interacted with me briefly, and I will list the encounters. I’ve seen a very unusual dog on two occasions in Rhode Island, and I felt a very special affinity with it. I don’t know if I even want to call it a dog, but it had unusual blue eyes and was very intelligent. That dog was laughing at me, I could swear. Were you participating in that?
ELIAS: Yes. (Grins)
ELLA: I went to the supermarket, and I needed to return the grocery cart. The man collecting them came to me, and he was in such a joyful mood. It was a black individual with a very bright tie. As he took the cart, he said something very pleasant, and then suddenly I had the feeling he said into my ear, “Enjoy your day, Ella.” And that was so personal! He didn’t know my name. Did you...?
ELIAS: Yes. (Laughs)
ELLA: Thank you! And then, I’m not sure, but I saw a door in a Dunkin’ Donuts just open by itself. It might not have been you, maybe Patel, but you?
ELIAS: Yes. (Chuckles)
ELLA: Thank you! Also my husband has had a lot of fun lately with buzzing smoke alarms... (Elias nods) I knew there was an energy! And a flickering light bulb in the bathroom?
ELLA: That was extremely good! (Elias laughs loudly) In one of my dreams, a man, such a jovial man, a full-bodied man with wavy hair, is that possible it was you or somebody? (Elias nods) That man had such a presence! You just see him and you feel joy.
Also, I had a visual of two brothers — it was on two separate days — in 18th century France. They’re half brothers by the father. One was young, maybe 25, with blonde wavy hair, and his name was Luc. On the second day, I saw the older brother. They were both wearing dark overcoats, with a cane and top hat. That brother was shorter, black hair, really handsome, and his name was Etienne. Both of them co-owned or held an interest in the French opera theater. My focus was a dancer, her name was Lucillia, and she was intimate with both of them. They had a very fond relationship. There was love, but there were no obligations, just fun and gay. I thought that Luc was Patel and Etienne was you.
ELLA: You were the blonde? (Elias nods) Mark is going to have a fit! He was positive. I thought that both focuses were you, but Mark told me one was Patel and one was Elias.
I would like to confirm that I have 157 focuses with Dawn/Awan and 162 with Mark/Baruch.
ELLA: I also got the number 15. Is that the number of focuses the three of us have together?
ELLA: How many lives do I have with my husband, Barry? I feel I have an affinity with him if not the great love.
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
ELLA: Thirty-six popped into my head.
ELLA: And most of them were very positive?
ELLA: Very close in linear time I feel like he was my father, a very warm relationship. How do I qualify the feeling I have about him? I don’t want to call it love in conventional terms, but I feel a great connection with him.
ELLA: Sometimes I might get irritated or feel burdened with some of the issues we’re working on together, but I still always feel connected. I don’t have an impression with Stan, my son, but I’d like to know how many lives we share. I feel most of them were not adversarial but somehow challenging.
ELLA: How many would you say? Seventy-three, seventy-five?
ELLA: Does he feel any affinity with me right now?
ELLA: I do love him, but very often there is a feeling like we are strangers in the same house. Most of that comes from him. Is he just processing through some teenage issues or what?
ELIAS: Partially, but also partially this is his natural expression.
ELLA: So, it’s okay, and I don’t have to worry about him.
ELIAS: Yes. He is not an expressive individual in that manner.
ELLA: I’m okay with that, as long as I know I’m not doing something to cause that. I’m not the cause of that.
ELIAS: No, that is a natural expression for this individual.
ELLA: Lately I’ve completely changed the way I interact with him. I don’t set boundaries, almost none. My husband finds that threatening, I think; he says Stan will grow up to be a criminal. But I feel he doesn’t need my guidance as much, and the way he processes, he’s intermediate, he’ll be just fine. He’ll find his way.
ELLA: Someone told me until he’s 17 he should avoid deep water, but I’m not even worrying about that now. Should I be worried?
ELLA: He’s not considering some kind of dis-engagement?
ELLA: When I connect to the Alterversity, I can see that my impressions are okay; I do pretty well. However, I still doubt myself when I obtain imagery. There is a place in the linear future that is the Alterversity, and there are people there, and they are wonderful; but when I get a visual, do I actually contact them, and do I see what is going on there?
ELLA: Why did I stop having these visuals? Is it because I’m concentrating on my own energy, and I’m having so much fun with Bella that I can’t divide my time and I don’t find it’s necessary?
ELIAS: Correct. You are generating a different avenue in this time framework, and you are exploring curiosities in a different direction and generating a playfulness with that, entertaining yourself with your own energy and how you can manipulate it and what your abilities are now.
ELLA: I found that experience of being in a cloud of my own energy and sensing every tiny bit of me, including parts that are very sensual. It’s like having rapture 24 hours a day. It was unbelievable. I find now I’m not able to turn it on as much, but I’m not worried, either. I feel it will come when I’m ready. I do feel streams of energy more like in the red/orange area, in my legs mostly, and a couple of times you were buzzing my tailbone. What a weird feeling! (Elias laughs) But I do feel streams of energy. What is that, my own energy?
ELIAS: Yes, you are becoming more aware of your own energy and of your energy centers and of your energy field.
ELLA: Yes, I feel the green one to such an extent. The energy was coming from the back of me into the green, expanding it into blue and into yellow, and I was mentally pushing it down into orange and red, and that felt like a rapture. And it felt good! I don’t know if I even need to stay married! (Much laughter)
ELIAS: Quite interesting what you can manipulate and generate with your own energy with no interaction of other individuals!
ELLA: I recently suddenly had a flashback when I was joking with my friends about focuses that are sort of unconventional. I saw what I would consider as a very hard life of a person. I don’t know what state, maybe Missouri, and it’s a ranch with very, very bad people who live on the ranch and take kids from young women who can’t support the children or impregnate women and keep the children until they are three or four years old. Then they have customers who come from all over and use these young children for sex. The woman who was my focus is named Dorothy, they call her Dot or Dottie, and she was a nurse. They put her in the position that she has to live on the ranch and take care of the children, because she also has her own child at stake, and you cannot argue with these people or you will be murdered. Is that what I saw?
ELLA: I felt really a lot of sadness for her, that she had to see all that and couldn’t really help. But later I had the impression that the ranch was closed by the FBI, so that was found out, and that she adopted two older children that were on the ranch. She was still very wounded, but she was not on that ranch anymore. Did that happen to her?
ELIAS: It was not closed by that particular organization, but other than that, your impression is accurate.
ELLA: I was curious why Inna’s essence has two focuses in the Alterversity. They are at the same time, and they are aware of each other. Do they communicate to each other?
ELIAS: Somewhat. It is not common, but it does occur.
ELLA: I saw Inna’s focus, female, petite, very pretty with curly brown hair and blue eyes, and very, very bookish. She was teaching there. I thought her name was Travis, but actually her name was Ariann.
ELLA: She was also one of my partners. My focus’ name is Gayle, and her name fits her. She is very gay and very blonde, has very nice breasts. She doesn’t like to wear clothes. She is very bubbly, so light. Do I perceive her correctly?
ELLA: Not as Gayle but myself, I have a lot of affinity with Shelly and Arkandin. I feel a connection, and I feel them as good friends.
ELLA: I feel that they are there to help. Gayle has a male partner, his name is Liam...
(Recording stops at 54 minutes.)
©2010 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.