Personal Responsibility Issues
“Personal Responsibility Issues”
Tuesday, October 18, 2005 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Liana (Poncet)
(Elias’ arrival time is 19 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
LIANA: Elias. This is so great talking to you; thank you so much!
ELIAS: Ha ha! You are very welcome.
LIANA: I have had a lot of great learning experiences, and I’ve appreciated all your help. I didn’t know you were helping me. (Elias chuckles) I’ve learned an amazing amount. Would you agree with that?
LIANA: Okay, good! (Both laugh) Right now, I would like to know what belief I am using to create my experience of having emotionally unstable people in my life.
ELIAS: The strongest expressed belief is associated with role and that you must be in the role of caring for other individuals. That belief is of personal responsibility.
LIANA: When you say caring for others, you don’t mean just having emotional responsiveness; you mean that I take responsibility.
ELIAS: Yes. Therefore, you draw to yourself individuals that you perceive to be needy in some manner.
LIANA: What belief would be the antidote to this?
ELIAS: It is not necessarily associated with replacing one belief with another but recognizing that you incorporate this belief and evaluating within yourself what motives you to move in the direction of fixing other individuals or that it is your job.
LIANA: What IS motivating me? I’ve given some thought to this, and I am looking for more clarity.
ELIAS: And what is your impression thus far?
LIANA: It’s almost like a substitute for a first-hand experience of some kind. Does that make sense? Like I don’t feel I am alive and it gives me a feeling of being more alive than I am otherwise.
ELIAS: Which is, in actually, a camouflage.
LIANA: A camouflage for what?
ELIAS: Not allowing yourself to express your own freedom. For if you are focusing your attention upon other individuals, it distracts from paying attention to you. Therefore, it is a situation in which you are not allowing yourself to expose.
LIANA: Expose? What do you mean expose?
ELIAS: You are not allowing yourself to genuinely express exposure with yourself, to be focusing your attention on you and allowing yourself to become more intimately familiar with yourself and your preferences, your beliefs, your truths, and focusing your attention upon manipulating your own energy and expressing your own truths and your own preferences regardless of what other individuals choose or express. If you are continuously distracted with concerning yourself with other individuals and what they are doing, what they are choosing, what their behavior is...
LIANA: And what do I want?
ELIAS: How can you answer that question if you are not paying attention to you and if you are not aware of what your own preferences are?
LIANA: The reason I wanted to know about the belief is that is this the same belief that creates (inaudible) people with really fearful agendas? It seems like it’s definitely a certain kind of person that I draw into my life, pretty extreme people. So, is this the same belief that’s doing this?
ELIAS: Yes, but there are different factors. For in not paying attention to yourself, you do not reinforce your trust of yourself. And if you are not trusting of you, you project a distrustful energy. In that, you draw individuals to yourself that will reflect that.
LIANA: So the less I trust myself, the more I draw people that are untrustworthy.
LIANA: So, I must have gone to a place lately where I really was not trusting myself since I drew this Tanya person into my life?
ELIAS: Yes, and let us explore this scenario. You draw this individual to you, and what is your experience?
LIANA: It was like putting my finger into an electric socket. The negativity was so intense, and I kind of watched my own focus on... I had set out in a certain direction.
ELIAS: Which was what?
LIANA: Toward focusing on myself. Then very suddenly I was drawn back into a very negative experience of not trusting my decisions. It was like I went from a positive place to a very negative place, one right after the other.
ELIAS: What was the experience? What occurred?
LIANA: I was doubting my decision not to contact Steve. I called this woman and asked if she was still working there, because I was checking up on whether he was telling me the truth. I found out he wasn’t. Then we became involved in a big discussion which uncovered many, many, many lies and misrepresentations on his part, and then I became embroiled in presenting my own dishonesty. It just spiraled into a tornado of fear and distrust.
ELIAS: But you initiated that, and your motivation for initiating that was that you were not expressing trust initially.
LIANA: In myself.
LIANA: And in my decision not to contact him.
ELIAS: Correct. In that, you began to focus your attention outside of yourself. You were already expressing doubt, a lack of trust and suspicion within yourself. Subsequent to that, you moved your attention outside of yourself and focused it quite intensely upon the other individual and concerning yourself with what the other individual was doing.
LIANA: Right. I want to know an efficient way to end this whole situation with this woman and this relationship with Steve. Would it be not to contact him ever again?
ELIAS: First of all, explain what you term to be this embroilment with this other individual.
LIANA: Supposedly she was going to sue him for sexual harassment and was taping conversations, and I want nothing to do with this potential.
ELIAS: And how would you be involved in that?
LIANA: I don’t know if she somehow taped my conversation with her on the phone or if... I don’t know. I’m not sure how I would be involved, but I guess I have a fear that I would be involved.
ELIAS: But you are generating your choices. Therefore, it is your responsibility to steer your ship. It is not your responsibility to be steering another individual’s ship or even to be co-piloting another individual’s ship. It is not your concern. Your concern is you and your choices.
In this situation, you are not actually embroiled. It is a matter of paying attention to you and your own choices and what you choose to involve yourself with and what you choose not to involve yourself with.
LIANA: So basically if I am not involved with Steven, then I will not be involved in this potential lawsuit, which you’re actually seeing a potential lawsuit.
ELIAS: That is a potential, but that is not of your concern, for you are not participating.
LIANA: Yes, that is a huge relief to me. Thank you.
ELIAS: It is a matter of your own choices, my friend, what YOU choose. You are not involved if you are not participating.
LIANA: That’s just what I need to be clear — my intention not to be involved in this at all.
ELIAS: Correct, and not to concern yourself with it. Do not dwell upon the possibilities or the potentials of what other individuals are choosing or engaging. Concern yourself with what YOU are choosing and what you are participating with.
LIANA: I want my life to go in another direction, so I am just going to withdraw my energy from this completely.
ELIAS: Very well, and I am encouraging of you in that action. I may express to you, my friend, it is important that you allow yourself a time framework in which you are concentrating your attention upon you.
LIANA: You mean daily?
LIANA: Or just for a period of days or weeks? A daily period?
ELIAS: For a time framework, for a temporary time framework, which I am not expressing a definite time span to you, for that may be somewhat difficult. It is dependent upon you. But in this, it would be quite purposeful and important for you to be concentrating your attention upon you and your choices and your energy, and evaluating and discovering what your truths are and what your preferences are, without distraction. In that, what I am expressing to you in relation to distraction is interaction with other individuals that encourages you to focus your attention upon them.
LIANA: You mean like take a vacation from work, or is it something I could just do during the day, to be by myself for an hour?
ELIAS: It is not necessary that you be entirely alone or isolated but to be aware of you and to remove yourself from individuals that you automatically move into conflict with or to remove yourself from individuals that trigger you to be focusing your attention upon them. This is a very automatic action with you, and it is important that you interrupt this automatic pattern that you have created of drawing yourself to individuals that encourage you to not be paying attention to yourself — not that the other individual is generating that.
LIANA: I understand. It’s just that it’s making me...
ELIAS: It triggers you.
LIANA: Would this be a period of several entire days or just periods during the day where I am focusing very clearly on myself?
ELIAS: I would encourage you to be generating in each day, throughout the day, to be focusing upon you and paying attention to your energy and what you are doing. I am encouraging of you also for the time framework of several weeks to be aware of the instances in which you are triggered by another individual and are moving your attention, concentrating upon them. In those moments, stop and allow yourself to remove yourself from that individual temporarily.
As an example, if you are at your area of employment, you are throughout your day paying attention to your choices, to what you are actually doing and to your energy, and perhaps another individual approaches you and you notice that your energy and your attention begin to focus entirely upon that individual and you begin to concern yourself with that individual in what they are doing or what they are expressing. In that moment, allow yourself to stop and physically remove yourself from that individual temporarily. That shall generate an interruption of this automatic trigger.
This particular action that you engage is so familiar to you that it is easily triggered, and it is very strong. Therefore, it...
LIANA: I am becoming aware of that and how actually I almost take a certain comfort in it.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LIANA: I direct my life in a way to remind me of being a child, because as a child, it seems like the adults always were telling me what to do and...
LIANA: ...if I did what I was told, I would be safe. So, it gives me a feeling of safety.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but it also is tremendously restricting, and it also generates you being in a position or a role of being dictated to.
LIANA: But isn’t it also that when I was a child and I learned this pattern, even then it was a restriction?
LIANA: But I didn’t know it was a restriction.
ELIAS: I am understanding. But that matters not. What is significant is now.
LIANA: It’s just that people think of childhood as being unspoiled and free, and what I am realizing is that in childhood I picked up a lot of bad habits, so to speak, and I really am seeking to straighten that out, separate out some of that stuff.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LIANA: Here’s a question I have. One thing I wanted to do was to know what belief can I focus on that would create... I noticed that one of the things attractive in my relationship with Steve is this simple beautiful joy in very simple things, and this great exhilaration and sweetness and excitement that I felt when I was with him. One of my great sadnesses was believing that in leaving the relationship I was leaving that experience. So, what belief can I focus on...
ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, the reason that you incorporate that response of a fear or a sadness that if you are leaving this other individual you also are leaving those types of experiences that you appreciate, the reason that you generate that association is that you credit the other individual with your expression. You are not crediting yourself with what you yourself generated. You credit the other individual, and therefore, you are not allowed to express those types of experiences, for the source of that allowance is now gone for the source of that allowance was the other individual. That is not true.
LIANA: I can create them by myself?
LIANA: Well, how will I do that? What belief...
ELIAS: By paying attention to you and discovering what your preferences are.
LIANA: This is a really big one for me.
ELIAS: I am understanding. Perhaps you may begin by identifying what are not your preferences. What do you dislike?
LIANA: I don’t like to be bored, I don’t like to be bland, I don’t like to be all those not Sumari things. I don’t like them. I like to experience that sweetness of being up in the clouds, in an airplane. That’s exhilarating to me. I like to experience the sweetness of a childlike joy, like when I look at finches or... Those little simple emotions are so intense.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LIANA: It is so sweet.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In identifying your preferences, what you like, allow yourself to engage imagination and allow yourself to explore and discover more of what you can generate in association with your preferences.
Keep in your attention an awareness of how your physical body consciousness is responding. Pay attention to your physical body consciousness and whether it is tense or whether it is relaxed. Focus upon your throat, your shoulders, your solar plexus, your arms, your legs and...
LIANA: What about my heart palpitations?
ELIAS: This shall also be affecting of that eventually. For in this, as you allow yourself to intentionally relax each area of your physical body that you notice becoming tense, which you can do, that shall allow you to focus more clearly upon yourself, and it shall allow you also to generate more of a calm energy, more of a centered energy, and that shall also allow you to more easily engage this new adventure of discovery of your preferences.
LIANA: (Sighs) It seems like sharing those experiences is important. How did those experiences even pop up if there wasn’t some mutual appreciation between me and this other person?
ELIAS: This is your new adventure, to discover other avenues to generate similar experiences without the involvement of another individual — temporarily. For once you genuinely become familiar with you, once you genuinely begin to trust yourself and appreciate yourself and genuinely appreciate your own preferences and engage them, your energy shall change and what you are drawn to shall change, for you shall not be drawn to individuals that are dictating to you. You shall be drawn to individuals that also are appreciating of themselves and therefore shall reflect that appreciation to you. But the key is for you to genuinely be paying attention to you and your energy and what you are doing, what your preferences are, and allowing yourself to express those preferences and engaging actions that interrupt these automatic responses that you do.
LIANA: I do have a couple of questions here. With Steve, he said he doesn’t ever feel a bond, that he’s never felt a strong bond with a person. We call that being a psychopath. Why is that? How did he create that? What creates that?
ELIAS: And why are you concerning yourself with this?
LIANA: I guess it seems sad.
ELIAS: But that is the other individual’s choice.
LIANA: And it’s something that could be changed, of course.
ELIAS: If so choosing, but that is the choice of the other individual.
LIANA: So, to me it shouldn’t really ever matter.
LIANA: So then, one of the most efficient ways for me to proceed on my path toward joy is not to be in contact with this person at all?
ELIAS: That would be what I would suggest.
LIANA: Including not listening to his voice messages or anything, just deleting them?
ELIAS: I would also be encouraging of that. For in that engagement, my friend, it merely encourages you to continue to focus your attention outside of yourself and to concern yourself with the other individual. This is what we are moving into interrupting and altering, and paying more attention to you. Therefore, if you continue to be interactive with this individual, you are continuing to encourage yourself to not pay attention.
LIANA: You said once that there was a potential for us to be partners, and even though that seems pretty impossible at this point, is that still a potential?
ELIAS: Somewhat, but much less so now, for you are moving in a different direction. You incorporate different wants: you want to be expressing your own freedom; you want to be expressing your preferences, and you want to be more aware of yourself and therefore more fully directing of yourself in the direction that you want. If you continue in that expression of that want, the potential for interaction with this individual becomes less and less, for the direction of the other individual is not actually compatible with your preferences. As I have expressed, the interaction with that individual, and other individuals that express similarly, merely triggers your automatic responses and encourages you to NOT pay attention to yourself.
LIANA: Is there a good potential of me meeting my soul mate/partner and this person happens to be a pilot?
ELIAS: It is possible.
LIANA: I just really feel exhilarated by flying.
ELIAS: It is possible, but once again, I express to you, the initial importance concerns you and what you do with your energy and whether you are actually, genuinely appreciating you.
LIANA: What’s blocking my progress toward my pilot’s license?
ELIAS: The same: not trusting yourself.
LIANA: I’d like to know how my health is.
ELIAS: And what is your assessment?
LIANA: I feel like my liver has been affected again.
LIANA: But not really? That’s a relief.
ELIAS: Somewhat, but not intensely.
LIANA: Then my throat, I am always kind of wondering in the back of my mind, I don’t want to recreate a throat tumor.
ELIAS: In this now you are not.
LIANA: And all these heart palpitations?
ELIAS: That, as I have expressed, is also associated with this intensity of energy that you are expressing in not trusting yourself and not paying attention to yourself. Which, as I expressed previously, as you engage this exercise of relaxation, of intentionally relaxing different areas of your physical body consciousness throughout the day, that shall also ease this responsiveness of your heart.
LIANA: Is it caused by too much electrical energy going through my heart? Or too much pressure?
LIANA: So it’s the pressure from my liver and the blood vessel?
ELIAS: They are interconnected, but it is being generated by you in pressuring yourself.
LIANA: In accordance with the advice of (inaudible) then, my next efficient move is to work on new employment. I know that I don’t trust myself in that area, so for example doing one of my Psyche-K procedures and trusting myself to create a compatible work situation, would this be most efficient? (Pause)
ELIAS: Yes. But the key is to relax, pay attention to your energy and to trust. Generate cooperation not opposition within yourself and with other individuals.
LIANA: Where am I creating opposition at this time besides with these two people, Tanya and Steve, who are now going to be out of my life?
ELIAS: You are generating considerable opposition with yourself.
LIANA: Is that the primary place I am opposing?
ELIAS: Yes. This is the reason that you are generating these physical expressions and that you are generating confusion and continuing to express this automatic response of concerning yourself with other individuals, for you are not trusting yourself and not appreciating yourself, not cooperating with yourself in association with your own preferences, and you are opposing yourself in doubt.
LIANA: I see. What belief can I use that will be an antidote to the doubt? Just the trust? Am I making it too simplistic?
ELIAS: No, you are complicating. Let me express to you, do not concern yourself with beliefs in this time framework. Merely concern yourself with your energy and what you are actually doing; that is enough. That in itself may be quite challenging. Merely concern yourself with paying attention to what you are doing and what energy you are projecting. Allow yourself to notice any type of opposition, allow yourself to stop and physically remove yourself from triggers until the point that it becomes more natural for you, until the point that you can actually comfortably express a genuine trust within yourself and a genuine appreciation.
LIANA: There was a day I had at work after this Psych-K workshop and I felt unusually centered even in the way that I related to the patients and I had a lot of energy. Was that a genuine state of being or was that a camouflage of some kind?
ELIAS: No, that was a genuine expression.
LIANA: I noticed that I never felt that way before. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that centered in myself.
ELIAS: And this is the reason that you offered yourself that experience, for now you know.
LIANA: Yes, and it was really a wonderful one, too. Sometimes, for some reason, the doubt comes up as a habit, and I just need to be really very, very aware of not responding.
LIANA: With my son, he keeps telling me he’s got these headaches and numbness in his back and stuff like that and... (Sighs) I haven’t felt a huge care-taking response to him, but I am a little bit starting to feel it, like maybe there’s some problem and I should be doing something.
ELIAS: (Very deliberately) It is not your concern. It is not your choice. It is his choice.
LIANA: I have that natural concern, and I don’t want him to suffer. He’s my son, and I don’t want him to end up with a permanent back problem and...
ELIAS: I am understanding, but this is his choice of whether to address to this situation or not, and YOU cannot fix it.
LIANA: I did ask him if he wanted me to help him with some metaphysical stuff. I was thinking maybe like the Psyche-K. So since he gave permission, is that him requesting help? It would be appropriate for me to do something?
ELIAS: If the other individual is requesting information or requesting interaction, it is thusly your choice whether you want to engage that or not. If the other individual is not requesting, it is not your concern to instruct. You can share experiences with the other individual without the expectation that the other individual shall change some expression of themself, but merely in an action of genuinely sharing with no expectation. That expresses the example of the straight little sapling.
LIANA: So this interaction that we had where I asked him did he want me to do some metaphysical help and he said yes, that didn’t count as requesting help?
ELIAS: That IS a request. If you offered and the individual was not interested and you continued to pursue, that would not be helpful. But if you offer and the other individual responds with interest, you are thusly in a position of your choice to participate or to not participate with the individual. But remember, you are not instructing, and do not express expectations.
LIANA: Would I ask him which of these beliefs he wants to address? Like from Psych-K, the three basic beliefs? Like I want to live, I love myself, or should I just start with that?
LIANA: Is there anything else that I’m working on right now that would be of benefit to me to know and talk about with you?
ELIAS: I may express to you, my friend, what we have discussed is quite enough. This shall be challenging enough for you to engage. Are you practicing your exercise in appreciation?
LIANA: It became very difficult for me, and in fact almost impossible. I ran into a total wall, and I was extremely frustrated at running into this wall. Want to talk about that?
ELIAS: You cannot express ANY element of appreciation of yourself at all?
LIANA: Yes, I can express some, and yet the exercise as I understood it was to express appreciation all day long. At the time, it seemed as though I couldn’t appreciate anything, although now I seem to have made some progress on that. I am appreciating myself more.
ELIAS: Very well. I encourage you to continue with this exercise of appreciation. Allow yourself merely to generate two or three moments within your day in different time frameworks in which you allow yourself to stop and generate some type of appreciation, regardless of what it is, regardless of whether you assess it to be very tiny or significant. It matters not. The point is that you actually generate, within two or three points in your day, some expression of genuine appreciation.
This exercise is very important and it shall be very instrumental with you, for it shall encourage you to continue to pay attention to yourself, which is an unfamiliar action to you. Also it shall encourage more of your trust of yourself and more of your acceptance of yourself. These are most important aspects to be addressing to now.
LIANA: I want to keep some of my physical projects going, like finishing my house and the remodeling and things like that, but I’ve noticed I’ve gotten bogged down, and I don’t seem to be moving forward. It seems my house is getting messier instead of neater. What is this, what is the source of this?
ELIAS: This is also distraction. You are not focusing. You are allowing yourself a scatteredness and distraction. If you are genuinely focusing your attention in the now and not distracting yourself, you shall discover that you incorporate much more time to be accomplishing what you want.
Focus your attention in one direction at a time. Eventually, you may begin to allow yourself much more flexibility. But you have become so familiar with distraction and scatteredness, it may be beneficial to you in this time framework to focus your attention in one direction at a time. Choose one task, and do not distract yourself with thought processes concerning other tasks. Merely focus upon one task, and allow yourself to complete that.
That also may be another avenue in which you can practice appreciation with yourself, for you can acknowledge yourself as you accomplish each task. In this, you also can avoid overwhelming yourself.
LIANA: In choosing these tasks — these aren’t life threatening questions or anything — would it be of more benefit to just do small tasks, like today I’ll just complete the ironing, or today I will just do one section of a room?
ELIAS: Yes, yes. I am quite encouraging of that. If you allow yourself what you term to be small tasks that you can accomplish within a brief time framework, that allows you to focus your attention more clearly and more singularly, which allows you to not be generating this scatteredness of energy. It also provides you with an avenue in which you can accomplish, and therefore, you can acknowledge yourself and you can appreciate, which reinforces your trust and your acceptance.
LIANA: I’m noticing that in the moment I’m having feelings of, I don’t know what the word is, but almost a desire to want some sort of a friendship with Steve, and I am not sure why I want a friendship with him.
ELIAS: For that is another familiar avenue, and it provides another camouflage. You shall merely change your camouflage from incorporating a relationship with this individual to a different type of relationship with this individual as a friendship, but that continues to allow you the excuse to continue to be interactive, which continues your triggers and continues your distraction and continues...
LIANA: So, in other words, there isn’t a positive behind my motivation?
LIANA: My motivation is really essentially just to distract myself?
ELIAS: Correct, and to continue in this familiar pattern in which your attention is focused and concerned with the other individual and their choices, and therefore, you are no longer steering YOUR ship.
LIANA: I know it is a very strong impulse to rescue in imperfect situations.
ELIAS: Yes, and it is very familiar.
LIANA: And his emotions toward me are simply a distraction as well?
ELIAS: It matters not what his expression is. Each time you express in that manner, you are once again distracting yourself and you are moving your attention, concerning yourself with the other individual. Therefore, that also can be included in your exercise of paying attention to what you are doing.
LIANA: It’s like going off drug addiction!
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LIANA: We’re done with our session, and thank you very much. I know that I ask your help on short notice, and you certainly gave it to me. Thanks so much.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend, and remember, my energy is always with you.
LIANA: I am so glad it is. You’re really helping me. I feel much better. Thanks for all your help.
ELIAS: Ha ha! You are very welcome. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, and I am expressing great encouragement to you, my friend. In tremendous affection and my expression of appreciation to you, au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 6 minutes.
©2010 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.