Disappointment in Completing a Goal
“Disappointment in Completing a Goal”
“Getting to Sleep”
“Using the Appreciation Exercise”
Friday, September 2, 2005 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Frank (Ulra)
(Elias’ arrival time is 18 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
FRANK: Good morning! Great to talk to you again!
ELIAS: And you also!
FRANK: Thank you very much. I have a lot of unrelated things to talk to you about, but we’ll see how they pull together here.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Very well.
FRANK: Let’s see, where do I begin? I guess first off, you will recall that last time we spoke I inquired about this issue of my new business and finding money, capital financing for it. It was really interesting because it seemed like it was going nowhere, and then all of sudden, in a period of about two or three days, it all came together and I got everything I needed quite easily, in fact.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Congratulations.
FRANK: Thank you. I thought about everything you told me during that period. It was very helpful and it was interesting. But here’s a question I have for you. When I learned that I had achieved my goal, I had the strangest feeling inside that I couldn’t interpret and didn’t really understand. It was feeling of, in a way, being empty. I’m not sure quite what it was. I don’t know. Maybe you can help me with that, because I didn’t understand it at all. Maybe it was humility or emptiness. I’m not quite sure what it was.
ELIAS: I am understanding. In actuality, in some situations, this is not an unusual response, for if you are genuinely paying attention to the process and are not focused upon the outcome, the process becomes a type of adventure. In that, once you accomplish a particular process that you have been paying attention to, it is not unusual to experience a temporary feeling that would be considered almost, but not quite, a disappointment.
FRANK: Why? Because the process is over?
ELIAS: Yes, for you have accomplished what you set to accomplish. But in that action, in genuinely paying attention to the process and that becoming the more important element than the outcome, in accomplishing what you want, at times individuals experience a feeling of finality.
FRANK: It was kind of like okay, now what?
ELIAS: Yes, for the process has discontinued. For you have accomplished what you wanted to accomplish, and therefore, this particular adventure is accomplished. In paying attention to the process, at the accomplishment of it, it seems final — which is merely another action of becoming familiar with moving your attention and altering your perception. This is more of an unfamiliar action.
Generally speaking, you and most individuals are more focused upon achieving certain outcomes than you are in paying attention to the process. In shifting your attention and shifting your perception to be paying more attention to the process, that actually offers you more information and generates a different experience, for it creates a type of adventure that holds your curiosity and motivation. But as I have stated, that is an unfamiliar direction of attention. Therefore, at the moment of accomplishment, momentarily or temporarily you may experience this finality and flounder temporarily to readjust your attention to begin to generate the next new adventure.
FRANK: That makes sense, because during the process I didn’t let what I would characterize as setbacks or lack of progress get me upset or disappointed or anything like that.
FRANK: I had a lot of confidence through the whole thing that it would work out.
ELIAS: You were paying attention to the process and that reinforced your motivation, which in actuality is more efficient, but as I have expressed, it is unfamiliar.
As you practice, as you continue in that type of direction and engage that action more frequently, in which you are paying attention to the process, that feeling of finality and floundering temporarily shall dissipate, and eventually you shall not experience that any longer.
FRANK: It wasn’t a bad thing. Again, it was more of a curiosity to me — “why do I feel this way?”
ELIAS: Correct. It seems to not fit.
FRANK: Yeah, it was very strange. It was just a strange feeling. I’ve had that feeling before. I can’t remember exactly when, but I know once or twice before I’ve had that, and it’s just gee, what’s going on here? Because really, in objective terms, it’s the sort of thing that should be oh boy, let’s go and celebrate, that sort of thing, but somehow it was just strange and another learning experience.
ELIAS: (Laughs) It is merely unfamiliar, my friend.
FRANK: But I was really pleased with how it all worked out, really how easily it worked out, and really just took a little bit of faith.
ELIAS: And I am quite acknowledging of you.
FRANK: We’ll come back to this new business at some point, but I’ve got a big list of all sorts of unusual things here, so let me go to the next one. Lately, I’ve had a lot of difficulty sleeping over the last few months, I think due to nervousness or excitement about all of this that’s going on. But can you confirm that that’s the reason why, and number two, can you give me some advice on how to deal with that problem?
ELIAS: Yes, I shall validate your impression or your assessment of what is generating this situation, and I may suggest to you that you allow yourself a brief time framework prior to engaging your sleep state in which you engage an intentional relaxation, but also be aware of your thinking. Allow yourself to quiet your thought mechanism. Allow yourself to engage an action that shall calm and quiet the thought mechanism.
A manner in which you may accomplish that is by engaging a brief relaxation and subsequently allow yourself to generate a calming visualization. In that visualization, be aware. If you begin to engage thought processes, distract yourself with the visual and stop the thinking. Move your attention away from thinking and allow your attention to move into visualization. That shall allow you to quiet yourself and generate more of an ease in relation to sleep.
What occurs in association with the thought mechanism is that if you continue to generate paying attention to thought processes, you automatically generate tension within your body consciousness. Your body consciousness does not entirely relax if you are paying attention to thoughts. That creates a stimulation which is contrary to sleep.
FRANK: So there’s two parts to this, relaxation and visualization. In terms of relaxation, would you suggest deep breathing or listening to classical music or something like that?
ELIAS: Perhaps both, allowing yourself to genuinely notice and be aware of your body consciousness and intentionally generate an action to create a physical relaxation. Once you have allowed yourself to physically relax your body consciousness and being aware of different areas of your body consciousness that you automatically hold energy and allowing yourself to relax those physical areas, once you have generated this relaxation, generate a visualization that is calming.
FRANK: Like a beach or something like that?
ELIAS: Yes. Some visualization that you may engage that is calming and that you may genuinely relax into, not thinking. You may even practice with sense expression in association with your visualization. That may also be helpful in allowing you to relax rather than think.
Such as, if you choose a beach in the visualization, allow yourself to FEEL your environment. Allow yourself to FEEL the sun upon your skin. Allow yourself to SMELL the water. Allow yourself to HEAR waves. This type of sensory action is helpful to distract you from thinking. But do not become caught in the action of thinking about sense input; merely feel, visualize and feel.
In distracting yourself from paying attention to thinking, you allow yourself much more fully to actually relax. As I have expressed, paying attention to thought generates stimulation. This is the reason that within waking state you generate moving your attention to thought quite frequently, for it is a source of stimuli. This is an automatic action that occurs in association with body consciousness.
FRANK: One last question about this. In terms of the length of time I should do it, should I just go by how it feels to me?
ELIAS: Yes. It is not necessary to incorporate an extended time framework, although perhaps initially you may consider engaging the action of relaxation for approximately twenty of your minutes and perhaps generate the visualization for approximately ten of your minutes. Subsequently, you may generate the action in less of a time framework, for you shall become familiar with the action of relaxation and visualization, and therefore, it shall not require as much of a time framework. But initially it may be beneficial to incorporate a longer time framework to actually accomplish this type of relaxation that shall be successful. For initially, you are engaging the action of intentionally generating a relaxation, but even that thought process may initially interrupt your beginning minutes of the relaxation. Therefore, allow yourself a time framework in which you can genuinely move into an expression of relaxation.
I may also suggest that you incorporate the same visualization for a time framework until you are not engaging actual relaxation with it. Continue with the same visualization until it becomes so familiar that you are not actually, genuinely engaging the process of relaxing. At that point, it shall be helpful to alter your visualization.
FRANK: We will try that. Next, over the last three, four weeks, I’ve not felt particularly good physically, kind of a lot of aches and pains and lethargic and all that. Again, I’ve attributed it to everything that’s going on with regard to the business, which has been pretty major for me. Is that an accurate assessment or is there more to it?
ELIAS: That, and also not allowing yourself to genuinely relax and rest.
FRANK: Next, let’s come to a problem that I’ve had. About two weeks ago, playing baseball, I injured my leg and I had to stop playing. Actually, I haven’t played since as I’ve waited for it to heal up. Just as it was about healed up, all of a sudden, I did something similar to but different from my right leg. I’ve thought about why am I creating this, and I guess part of it was maybe I wanted a break from playing. I’m not quite sure what is going on there, so maybe you can help me with that.
ELIAS: And I shall inquire of you, how is your interaction with the other team proceeding?
FRANK: The other team — you mean the people at work?
FRANK: I think okay. Boy, that’s an interesting question. By that, do you mean the people that work with me or the people that are on the part of the company that I’m going to split away from?
ELIAS: No, neither. The team that you interact with with the small ones.
FRANK: Oh, my family?
ELIAS: Your coaching.
FRANK: That’s been over for a little while. That ended back in July. I haven’t had any interaction there at all.
ELIAS: And perhaps you also are experiencing a time framework in which you prefer to be expressing holiday from this team also.
FRANK: You mean the one I’m playing on?
FRANK: So it does come down to kind of I want to get away from it for a while.
ELIAS: Yes, not engaging as much distraction and allowing you to engage more of your attention in other areas.
FRANK: Like the business, probably?
ELIAS: Yes, and family.
FRANK: I figured it was something like that. I have had thoughts about what do I want to do next year. Do I want to keep playing with these guys? Do I want to play with someone else? Maybe that’s all a part of it, too.
ELIAS: I would agree. You are generating significant changes. In this, you are creating new challenges and new adventures, and this area is familiar to you. As you are generating new challenges and adventures and changes in other directions within your focus, there is an energy that you are expressing that is somewhat curious concerning alterations of all of your directions and new adventures, creating new motivations.
FRANK: Well, this all ends — we’ve got about two or three weeks left, probably less, depending on how the team does. So, should I go back to playing or...?
ELIAS: This would be your choice.
FRANK: Yeah, I knew you would say that.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Let me also express to you, my friend, one element that you may also examine is that with certain familiar expressions you are somewhat becoming bored, which with you boredom or moving into boredom can be somewhat dangerous. (Laughs)
FRANK: You mean physically?
ELIAS: Yes. You do create physical manifestations quite well.
FRANK: I need to give some thought to that. For now baseball’s almost over, and I’ve got a lot of time to think about next year. But sometimes it’s hard for me to say I’m not going to do it any more.
ELIAS: Perhaps the subject is not that black and white.
FRANK: You’re right. I think what I need to do is participate when I want to and not participate when I don’t want to, even though people don’t like that.
ELIAS: Ah, offering yourself well-founded advice!
FRANK: Maybe what I’ll do is to advise the management next year don’t count on me that often. This year I decided that, unlike other years, I was going to try to be there as much as I could, be there all the time. In fact, I was, compared to what I’ve done in the past, so maybe that’s what’s creating this boredom.
Lately I’ve been devoting some energy to this concept of generating money more easily. I don’t think I’ve been overdoing it or obsessing at it or anything like that. What do you have to say about that and how I’m going about that?
ELIAS: I am acknowledging of you. I may also express to you, the less you concentrate upon lack, the more you allow yourself to generate. This, once again, is the point of acknowledging what you do have and what you have successfully generated, rather than moving your attention to what you do not have and what you must generate. For if you are generating an energy and projecting an energy of acknowledgment of what you have accomplished, that creates a very different energy that moves outwardly and allows you to create more of an abundance much more easily.
FRANK: Good advice, and I think I’ve come a long way there, too.
ELIAS: And I express agreement with you also and an acknowledgment of you.
FRANK: The transcript of the group session a couple of months ago came out, and I saw your exercise regarding appreciation. I tried to practice that. I don’t know what the results are yet but...
ELIAS: This is a powerful exercise"(1)":#1, and you shall begin to notice and recognize significant changes in your reality. This exercise generates a very powerful energy and a very different energy than most individuals are accustomed to. But in that, it allows you much more of an ease in accomplishing whatever you want in ALL directions, for in expressing an energy of genuine appreciation and becoming familiar with expressing appreciation, allows you to easily generate cooperation and it prevents opposition. Opposition and appreciation do not coexist well.
FRANK: You know, I can’t remember when I started doing it. I can’t remember if this was before or after, but it was probably about a week ago that I had a discussion with my current partner, soon to be my former partner. I anticipated some difficulty, but it just flowed. It was just easy; the whole thing was just easy. I’m not sure if the exercise had anything to do with that or not, or if I was even doing it at that point, but again, that was sort of interesting to me. Actually, right now, it just seems like pretty much everything in my life, with the exception of some of these physical problems I have, is just flowing easily.
ELIAS: Which is evidence of the alteration in your energy in association with generating that exercise. The more that you engage that exercise, the more easily your expressions and your creations shall flow.
FRANK: It’s actually kind of fun and it’s easy, so it’s been good. I even tried to get my wife to do it.
ELIAS: And this is an action that you may express to other individuals and never mention the source.
FRANK: I know! And in fact, that’s what I did! I think, in particular for my wife, it could be a very valuable thing, and actually, some of her problems seem to be going a little better.
ELIAS: Yes. This is a very powerful expression of energy and incorporates tremendous potential to be altering significant elements of your reality, if you are allowing.
FRANK: Yes, not only that, it’s easy and it’s easy to understand.
ELIAS: And it needs not be attached to any philosophy.
FRANK: That’s a good point. I never thought about that, but that’s true, too. I still have lots more things, so I’ll move onto more stuff here.
ELIAS: Very well!
FRANK: I was on vacation about a month ago, and I was never really able to relax, again because of a lot of things going on about business. I wasn’t worried about it; I was conscious things would work out, but for whatever reason I couldn’t really relax about it all. What I wanted to ask you about was this. Toward the end of the vacation, Moorah seemed to be very depressed and mopey, and I kind of felt that way, too. I was wondering, did I pick up on her feelings and express them, or was she reflecting mine, or were we both in our own individual state of mopiness? What was going on there?
ELIAS: Expressing each yourselves but also contributing energy to each other in reinforcement and reflection and both generating similar actions in not paying attention in the now.
You expressed to myself that you engaged this transcription of our group interaction previously, noticing the exercise of appreciation. Also, perhaps, notice the subject matter that I presented in that interaction, which is being present in the now with yourself, being aware of your existence.
In this, you may be aware of what is occurring in the now, but you also may be engaging the action of projecting your attention in many different directions — pastly, futurely — in other actions that are not actually occurring in the now. In that, you are not present with yourself. You are not paying attention to what you are actually doing and engaging in the now, in the present, being present and being aware that you exist in this moment. That also is a tremendous action that is reinforcing of appreciation. It is tremendously empowering and creates motivation in the moment, rather than dwelling upon thought processes that are not associated with what you are actually doing in the now.
FRANK: One last question about this before I get off it. Am I more sensitive to her feelings than to other people’s feelings, more likely to pick that up because we’re so close, and probably vice versa?
FRANK: I will be seeing her tonight, which is a source of great joy to me, since I haven’t seen her in a little while. She has expressed to me that she wants to generate a boyfriend. Do you have any advice on that that I might pass along?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Not a crystal ball question?
FRANK: No, it’s not!
ELIAS: I am playing with you. You may express to her, it is significant and important for her to be genuinely acknowledging of herself and also appreciating of herself and allowing herself the freedom of her own expression. If she is wishing to generate a relationship with another individual, she shall accomplish most successfully if she is not generating a criteria of what she wants from the other individual but is paying attention to what she wants to express and share with another individual. The more she expresses an energy of appreciation of herself, the more she shall generate an energy that is attractive to other individuals.
FRANK: And now we’re back to the exercise.
FRANK: Things seem to be going very well for her right now, too.
ELIAS: I may also express the suggestion to her, as well as to yourself, to be practicing being present.
FRANK: I must confess that I have not read the entire transcript of your group session, so once I do that, then, maybe I’ll be better at that, more efficient at that.
ELIAS: Very well.
FRANK: There are two big areas I’d like to talk about here. One is this whole thing about personal responsibility that we talked about last time.
FRANK: Again, I think I haven’t obsessed on it, but I’ve tried to generate some energy toward that whole issue. Do you have anything to tell me about that, what I’m doing in that area?
ELIAS: I am acknowledging of you that you are paying more attention and noticing more consistently in moments that you are expressing that type of energy. It is not a matter of obsessing. It is merely a matter of paying attention in the moment, noticing that you are expressing in a certain manner that is being motivated by this expression of personal responsibility in relation to other individuals, and noticing that at times, that creates restrictions with yourself and what you want.
Being selfish is not bad. It is being aware and responsible to you, paying attention to what you want and what you value. In not expressing personal responsibility for other individuals, that is not to say that you do not value them, but that you also value you.
In expressing personal responsibility for other individuals, my friend, what you accomplish is expressing to yourself that your value is less, and less important, than other individuals’. It also perpetuates a reflecting action in which you generate an energy that reinforces the other individual in expectation.
FRANK: Again, the appreciation exercise might help there, too.
ELIAS: Yes. This is the reason that I expressed my acknowledgment to you, for you are noticing and you are allowing yourself to be more aware in the moments that you are expressing that. You are allowing yourself more of an awareness of valuing you and what you want, rather than generating automatic responses.
FRANK: I’ve only been working on it for all these years! (Elias laughs) You’re a good teacher. I’ve got a lot to talk about and not much time. Maybe in our next talk we’ll make this more of a major focus.
I’m very excited about this new business, as are the people around me. I’ve decided that I think I want to make this a very large and successful business. So, just briefly, can you give me some general thoughts on that?
ELIAS: In what capacity?
FRANK: In terms of how I go about creating that, or maybe more importantly, what I have to look out for that would prevent me from creating it. Or do you think I don’t need any advice?
ELIAS: I may merely express to you a reminder to pay attention in moments in which you are concerning yourself with the other individuals more than yourself, when your attention is focused upon other individuals more than it is with you. Other than that, I may express my acknowledgment to you. You are already generating successfully, and you are already projecting an energy of progressing in that successfulness.
I have great confidence that you shall succeed in the capacity that you want. You are already generating significant energy in that direction the more you express your own appreciation and your acknowledgment of what you accomplish, rather than focusing upon what you have not accomplished or what you lack — which may be a pitfall but not a strong pitfall, for you do incorporate a clear enough awareness to recognize moments in which you may slip into that type of attention, and you do incorporate the ability to alter that quickly.
But one pitfall that you may be aware of is generating that action of holding your attention on other individuals and what they are doing and what they are choosing, and generating that attention to the extent that you are excluding yourself. Remember cooperation.
FRANK: We may talk about that more next time. We’ll see how that goes.
ELIAS: Very well.
FRANK: I guess some things I want to talk to you about are things that happened, which I’m not sure why they happened and what I was generating. I’ve given them a fair amount of thought, and I’m just not quite sure. One had to do with one of my daughters. She was going to school at one college, and she decided to change to another college. That led to a problem with a lease that she had signed and that I had guaranteed. To make a long story short, what happened was I ended up having to pay money in excess of what we had agreed to pay, because I hadn’t gotten certain things in writing and the person on the other end turned out to be almost dishonest. It would take a long time to explain more than that, but that’s basically what happened. I couldn’t figure out why that happened. I’m confused about that one.
ELIAS: And what were YOU paying attention to?
FRANK: I guess I was paying attention to the other guy.
ELIAS: And your daughter, and acquiescing to the wants of your daughter rather than listening to you. In that, also not generating an expression of cooperation but an obvious expression of opposition and a less obvious expression of opposition to yourself. That opposition to yourself was generated in the acquiescing to your daughter.
FRANK: Which came back to the whole responsibility thing.
ELIAS: Yes. That was not an interaction of cooperation. That was an interaction of compromise, and compromise generates opposition.
FRANK: This is kind of a minor thing next. I was driving down the street, I made a turn, and all of a sudden, boom, I got hit. A young teenage girl hit the back of my car. I thought about that, and I thought that maybe this was something to kind of wake me up and tell me to start paying more attention, but I don’t know if that’s it or if it’s something else.
ELIAS: Partially, and partially an experience to allow you to notice your automatic responses and expectations, your automatic expectations of other individuals and of yourself.
FRANK: Did I notice them?
ELIAS: Did you?
FRANK: I don’t know!
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Perhaps you shall now! Noticing what you automatically expect of other individuals in action and behavior, and what you expect of yourself.
FRANK: Well, did I notice it? I guess maybe I did.
ELIAS: Partially. Perhaps you shall notice more now.
FRANK: It really wasn’t that bad a deal to me. It’s more of a curiosity than anything else.
I guess that’s about it. I’m still trying to figure out how to be present when I’m hitting a baseball.
ELIAS: (Laughs) View the ball and the bat as you. They are extensions of you. Your energy is flowing outwardly, which creates the extension of the bat, and it extends further and creates the image of the ball. They are all your energy. It is all interconnected. Therefore, if you are flowing your energy in a type of circle, all of it becomes an expression of you. Therefore, it becomes a natural movement that is all interconnected. The bat automatically connects with the ball, for it is one flowing movement and it is all you. Therefore, it is already connected.
FRANK: I’ve heard the advice “be the ball” before. So, there it is!
ELIAS: Rather, not be the ball but know that the ball is you.
FRANK: There you go. If I choose to continue participating this year, we’ll take a whack at that.
ELIAS: Very well.
FRANK: Our time is up. It’s been a great session, and I thank you.
ELIAS: I express to you, as always, great friendship and great encouragement in your new adventures. You may also express my greetings to your daughter.
FRANK: I shall. She’ll be happy to hear that.
ELIAS: Very well, my friend. Great acknowledgment to you. I shall be continuing to express my energy with you. In great fondness, au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 5 minutes.
(1) The appreciation exercise from , 7/16/05, the group session in Chicago:
“Let me express to you, my friend, first of all I shall offer to you a simple exercise that I am instructing of you to be incorporating within a time framework of two of your weeks. In this, within each day you shall express in different moments three different elements of yourself that you appreciate.” [See the transcript of this session for further discussion on implementing the exercise.]
©2010 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.