Sunday, January 30, 2005 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Liana (Ponset)

(Elias’ arrival time is 12 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

LIANA: Hi there! Thanks for talking to me.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) You are quite welcome.

LIANA: I have some questions about my liver and what’s going on with this.

ELIAS: Very well.

LIANA: Can you give me an overview? (Pause)

ELIAS: I would assess that it is somewhat agitated, correct?

LIANA: Yes.

ELIAS: And what is your impression as to what you are creating?

LIANA: I think this is a dramatic presentation obviously to get my attention, which it has done. What I’m wondering is what is it that’s requiring my attention? Does it have something to do with my getting depressed at the beginning of exercising my power more completely, like I should be doing a better job, for example?

ELIAS: Partially, but it is also a manifestation that you are generating in association with pushing your energy, generating restrictions of yourself, hesitations with yourself, not allowing your own freedom and pushing your energy in association with what you expect of yourself.

LIANA: Can you be more specific about that? Pushing energy and what I expect of myself?

ELIAS: What do you expect of yourself in association with your performance or your interactions with other individuals or your own behavior?

LIANA: There’s a lot to that answer.

ELIAS: I am aware!

LIANA: I guess I expect something. I guess I expect to have to produce something and...

ELIAS: This would be more concerning all of the shoulds and should-nots in your expressions.

LIANA: In terms of my expectations of myself?

ELIAS: Yes. All of the expressions that you incorporate in which you express to yourself that you SHOULD BE producing.

LIANA: It would be financial independence; I should have a career, so to speak; I should be able to be financially self-sufficient and not depend on anyone else. I should be able to have some sort of a career that allows me more freedom in my creative expression.

ELIAS: And what should you NOT be doing?

LIANA: Well, I shouldn’t be a nurse at the hospital where I work. I shouldn’t be doing that. I shouldn’t be just having to take orders from everybody. I have some very negative judgments on myself about the way I’m treated, with people ordering me here or there, like I’m not worthy of any sort of respect. I’m not allowed to make contributions. I have a lot of negative feelings about that.

ELIAS: These are the examples of how you are pushing your energy. All of these example of what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be doing are the expressions of how you are pushing your energy and expressing a harshness with yourself, and therefore generating a physical manifestation in proportion to the strength and the harshness of your expectations of yourself and your pushing of energy with yourself.

Now; in this, what would you express that you acknowledge and appreciate of yourself?

LIANA: What do I appreciate about myself at work?

ELIAS: With yourself in ANY capacity.

LIANA: (Sighs) I’m not feeling all that appreciative these days.

ELIAS: I am aware.

LIANA: I feel like I appreciate the work I’ve done on my house. I appreciate that I really do my best to make contact with my patients and do creative projects with them, stuff like that. I feel less appreciative of myself...

ELIAS: THAT is the point — not appreciating of what you do, but appreciating who you are. THAT is the point.

LIANA: Why has that gotten so much less? I used to appreciate myself more.

ELIAS: For you are generating more and more expectations of yourself in which you discount yourself, that you are not accomplishing well enough. You are not acknowledging what you ARE accomplishing, what you HAVE generated, what you HAVE accomplished. You are focusing your attention upon what you do NOT have or what you are NOT doing, and therefore discounting yourself rather than acknowledging yourself and appreciating yourself.

LIANA: Does this have to do with my being in this relationship with Steve? Or is he just a symbol of that? (Pause)

ELIAS: A reflection of that.

LIANA: I feel like things have gotten quite muddled. I would like to know if the medication I was taking, this was not what caused my liver to become agitated?

ELIAS: No, although that may be an explanation of possibility that your physicians may express. But in actuality, you are generating pressure and intensity in energy within yourself in this discounting of yourself, and that is creating irritation. As I have expressed, the irritation that you are creating physically is proportionate to what you are expressing within energy. Therefore, in the strength of the energy expression that you are generating in harshness with yourself and in discounting yourself, you have created a physical expression to reflect that in an area of your physical body consciousness that is significant.

LIANA: Can you give me some suggestions on how to heal my liver, quell this agitation?

ELIAS: First of all, I may express to you to begin noticing all of the moments in which you are discounting yourself in the expressions of shoulds and should-nots. I shall also suggest to you that in noticing the frequency of when you are expressing these shoulds and should-nots that you allow yourself to intentionally relax and not necessarily comply with the shoulds and the should-nots.

LIANA: What do you mean “not comply”?

ELIAS: Not engage them. Notice that you are expressing that, but do not engage it.

LIANA: For example, in my job, one of the things I really don’t like is I feel that people treat me as someone who is not invested in the unit, someone who cannot make a creative contribution. There’s been some anger and hostility directed at me because I was getting more work than other people. I’m not sure what this means, but it seems to be negative. In that situation, how would I actualize that suggestion of not engaging shoulds and should-nots?

ELIAS: Very well. In this example that you present, recognize that what you are engaging in interaction with the other individuals is a reflection of what you are projecting in energy. Therefore, as you perceive and experience an uncomfortableness or conflict in the interaction, allow yourself to stop momentarily, pull your attention to you, not projecting your attention to the other individual. In a manner of speaking, as I have suggested to other individuals, momentarily pretend the other individual has disappeared.

Now you are no longer interacting directly with that individual. You are merely interacting with yourself. Examine within yourself what you are discounting within yourself, and in that moment, allow yourself to express some element of appreciation of yourself in that moment. In matters not what you choose to appreciate, but generate some expression of appreciation of yourself momentarily. That shall interrupt the energy that you are projecting of discounting yourself; that shall change the energy that you are projecting. That occurs automatically. Once you have allowed yourself any expression of appreciation of yourself, regardless of how you assess it to be in volume, whether it is a very small or large appreciation of yourself, it matters not — for the mere action is the point — that automatically changes your energy.

Subsequent to that, reappear the other individual, and as the other individual reappears to you, look at the other individual and momentarily allow yourself to appreciate some aspect, ANY aspect, of the other individual.

For example, you may be engaging an interaction with another individual and perhaps the other individual is presenting to you a conflicting scenario in which they are expressing some type of resentment towards you. In that moment, you momentarily disappear the other individual, allow yourself to acknowledge that this is occurring for you are discounting yourself in some manner. Merely notice that. It is not necessary to CHANGE what you are doing, but merely notice and acknowledge that. Subsequent to noticing and acknowledging that, allow yourself to appreciate some element of yourself, perhaps in that moment appreciating that you actually accomplished disappearing the other individual momentarily.

Subsequently, look at the other individual, reappear them in your reality, and momentarily allow yourself to appreciate some aspect of that individual in that moment. It may be as insignificant to you as appreciating the other individual’s shoes that they are wearing in that moment. It matters not what it is that you appreciate. The action is what is significant.

For in that action, in that momentary appreciation, you automatically change the energy that you are projecting outwardly. You interrupt that cycle of discounting yourself, and you allow yourself to move in a different direction, which dissipates the conflicting energy between yourself and the other individual. It defocuses the subject matter and allows you to respond differently. The other individual shall receive the energy that you are projecting of appreciation, and that shall dissipate their energy also in opposition to you. For the automatic response in this type of scenario is that you are presenting opposition to yourself, and therefore, you are responding in opposition also. The action of opposing is a form of defending.

Now; rather than opposing and defending, allow yourself to move into an expression of cooperation. Cooperation may be expressed without agreement. Agreement is not a requirement for cooperating.

LIANA: Even as we discuss this, I feel anger coming up because I feel that I’m so constricted in my work environment and so unable to do things I want to do and...

ELIAS: I am understanding. The anger is the signal to you that you do not view any choices. In this, I express to you, if you are practicing with appreciating yourself, you shall be generating a much different energy and you shall begin to reflect that to yourself. As you appreciate yourself and allow yourself more of a gentleness and acceptance in your energy with yourself, that shall also be reflected to you in other individuals and THEIR appreciation of you and their acceptance of more of your own freedom, also.

LIANA: I definitely know that I create this anger and a perception of my lack of choices. I somehow feel like it has to do with starting to do this process of creating a better job, and at some really deep level, I’m not believing I can do it. Is that assessment accurate?

ELIAS: Yes.

Now; in this, temporarily allow yourself a time framework in which you are not focusing upon that action. Focus your energy in the now and pay attention to what you are actually doing in the now. Allow yourself in each day one expression of genuine appreciation of yourself. In that, allow yourself to continue to practice appreciating of yourself, for that shall allow you to begin to relax your energy.

Now; I also shall offer an exercise to you that shall be helpful in dissipating this action of pushing your energy and this harshness with your energy. I may express to you to generate a visualization of a small bird — a very small bird, a very colorful small bird. In this visualization of this small colorful bird, hold this little bird in your hand and allow yourself to feel the gentleness and the softness of yourself holding this tiny bird. Allow yourself to feel the fragileness of this tiny bird, and genuinely experience your gentleness in holding this fragile tiny bird in your hand. That tiny bird is you. That will be an action of engaging our own gentleness with you.

Incorporate this action several times momentarily in each of your days, for a time framework of twelve days. That shall offer you a significant practice of interrupting this harshness that you express with yourself. It shall also generate a healing energy within you, for it shall allow you to relax and create a gentleness with yourself, and that shall be somewhat affecting of your physical manifestation.

LIANA: Is my liver what you would call permanently damaged?

ELIAS: No, not in this now. That is a potential, if you continue to express this harshness in your energy and if you continue to push your energy and discount yourself and deny yourself your own freedom. But it is not an absolute, and you do incorporate choices.

LIANA: You said it’s not an absolute that I will have permanent damage? In other words, if I do this exercise and practice what you told me at work, this will heal my liver?

ELIAS: You can change what you are creating with this physical manifestation.

LIANA: I don’t understand why I’m being so harsh with myself. How did I come to use this as a way of motivating myself?

ELIAS: It is all movement in a process, my friend. In this, value is not always expressed in comfort.

LIANA: (Sighs) Well, that’s just lovely to know!

ELIAS: You value information; you value understanding. At times, you may generate actions and creations that may not necessarily be comfortable, but they are valuable, for they do motivate you to seek information and to generate understanding. They also motivate you to become more intimately familiar with yourself. Therefore, they are purposeful, and therefore, they are valued.

LIANA: Well, I would like to replace this method of harshness with a method of gentleness, because I value my body and my health.

ELIAS: I am understanding, and this is the reason that you chose to be engaging this conversation, to offer yourself that information and to begin to generate that gentleness with yourself and to be noticing when you are not.

LIANA: Is this harshness just a habit or is it part of a belief system?

ELIAS: All that you do is filtered through beliefs. Every action, every moment of your manifestation within this physical reality is filtered through your beliefs. This particular action that you have been engaging in this harshness with yourself is familiar.

LIANA: Familiar in what way? Why is that familiar to me?

ELIAS: For you have been engaging that action for an extensive time framework. It is automatic.

LIANA: How did I learn to do that, to be harsh with myself? Is this from my mother?

ELIAS: Not necessarily. It is not a question of blame. It is associated with beliefs and how you measure your worth. In association with YOUR beliefs, the measure of your worth is associated with what you do and what you produce.

That is NOT actually the measure of your worth; the measure of your worth is who you are, not what you do. But many individuals incorporate this belief of measuring their worth in association with what they do. You also incorporate strong beliefs of responsibility, which incorporate many shoulds and should-nots.

LIANA: I feel like this environment that I’m in with my work is reinforcing these negative beliefs, and I’m currently seeking to work in a different location which is more validating to me. Is that something you would agree would be helpful?

ELIAS: Yes, but temporarily, as I have expressed, allow yourself not to be focusing upon that subject. Temporarily hold your attention upon YOU in the now. This is significant, for this is a necessary action for you to be incorporating in this now, to be addressing to what you are creating now.

LIANA: Will another position just come to me, or do I need to do anything to get a different environment? Will it just fall into my lap, so to speak?

ELIAS: That would be a choice. If you are successfully generating what we have been discussing and if you are successfully moving into a genuine appreciation of yourself and generating more of an acceptance of yourself and not expressing opposition, you may create that occurrence, in which another environment may merely present itself.

LIANA: That, I feel, would be the most stress-free for me, to not actively be looking for something, but just focusing on myself and be the little bird.

ELIAS: Yes.

LIANA: I know I judge myself a lot also for being in a relationship with Steve. Can you talk to me a little bit about that?

ELIAS: Incorporate the same exercises in relation to that, and remember, whatever you are generating in interaction with the other individual is a reflection of what you are expressing within yourself.

LIANA: I do feel, with him, that he is actually pretty loyal and supportive, but I also feel a lot of negative stuff toward him too, in that it feels like he runs away from me emotionally. In other words, from my understanding of what you’re saying, when I feel like he’s running away from me emotionally, I should... Not should, but it would be of benefit to make him disappear, find something about myself to appreciate, then make him reappear and find something about him to appreciate.

ELIAS: Yes. (Pause)

LIANA: This liver thing is really freaking me out here...

ELIAS: (Strongly) Concentrate upon your exercises. Do not concentrate upon the physical manifestation. For the more you concentrate upon the physical manifestation, the more you reinforce it.

LIANA: When I begin to have a fear about my liver, I would do the same thing, making the liver disappear...

ELIAS: NO; no. In the moments that you are generating that fear, engage your visualization of your tiny bird.

LIANA: I wanted to ask really quickly, too, about I had a feeling in my heart about going to (inaudible), Oregon. Is this a place that would be of benefit for me, or is that just a fantasy to escape?

ELIAS: It does resonate with your energy.

LIANA: More so than the place I’m living in now?

ELIAS: Yes, but that also is a choice. It is merely associated with preferences.

LIANA: I feel a little bit more relaxed. (Elias chuckles) This has been very helpful. Will this little bird exercise help me to create a partner? I know I stress about that as well. I think I’m not going to be able to create a partner, I have too many problems and nobody would want to be with somebody with all these problems. Would it help to think about the little bird?

ELIAS: Yes, this would be quite helpful.

LIANA: I hope this isn’t too crystal ball-ish, but it will give me something positive to focus on. Can you give me a timeframe for a partner?

ELIAS: That would be your choice, my friend, and it is dependent upon how you generate that genuine appreciation of yourself. For once you are generating that, the energy that you project outwardly shall become quite attractive.

LIANA: So, do the tiny bird exercise, and this is pretty much the thing to focus on also as far as creating a partner.

ELIAS: Yes.

LIANA: That’s good. That gives me more of a feeling of hope.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Very well!

LIANA: Are there any other physical things I should be working on or relaxing with besides my liver?

ELIAS: No. Merely allow yourself to relax your energy.

LIANA: The last question is last night, Steve and I went to a movie. He said, “I’m really glad we saw this movie together,” and he really stressed the word “together.” I just wanted to know why that was, why he stressed that, and why he said that sentence.

ELIAS: That was an expression of appreciation, of sharing.

LIANA: I see. Well, thank you very much.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, and I shall be offering my energy to you in encouragement and supportiveness in your endeavors with your exercises.

LIANA: Thank you very much.

ELIAS: I express to you my affection and my fondness, in friendship. To you my friend, au revoir.

Elias departs after 44 minutes.

©2008 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.