Wednesday, June 4, 2003 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael), Wendy (Luelyth)

Elias arrives at 12:01 PM. (Arrival time is 15 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

WENDY: Good morning, Elias! (Elias laughs) I notice someone’s been playing with the light that I have in my living room. For a while I just thought it was malfunctioning, and then one evening I realized it wasn’t malfunctioning because it was malfunctioning in such an interesting way. It could only be someone playing with it! (Both laugh) Anyway, I appreciate the little interesting malfunctioning. It wasn’t a bad malfunction; it was just an amusing one.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Merely a reminder that I am present.

WENDY: (Laughs) Yes, and everywhere.

Well, here’s what I think is my most efficient, beneficial area of inquiry today — I feel that I’ve had a lot of movement since I last spoke to you. I’ve been reading a lot of the transcripts. I was reading a transcript where you were speaking with Frank/Ulra and you were discussing with him the belief that effortless creation is suspect. Over a period of a couple days, I noticed that this is like a primary building block of one of my biggest shrines, which is that I have to hide my abilities and my talents because people will think I’m either arrogant or delusional.

This whole thing about trusting myself, it’s so obvious to me that if I could just trust myself, my life would go perfectly smoothly. And yet, since I was a child I’ve been able to use abilities in a way that I haven’t noticed other people doing it, and instead of becoming more confident I’ve just become less confident. It’s like I’ve created this huge house of cards and amassed all the evidence from mass beliefs that life shouldn’t work that way. The explanation used to be that I was really smart and because I was so intelligent that’s why things were easy for me. But it was like I did things by magic, by osmosis, and I just learned not to let people know how I did things! (Laughs)

So here I am now, I’m in my 50s, and I noticed I’m still hiding the fact that things are easy for me. I also hide the fact that things are hard for me, because the people who think things are easy for me don’t want to know that I might be just like everybody else and have moments of self-doubt. Yet if I make it obvious that things are easy for me, then I feel like people wait for me to fail, to prove that that’s not how life goes. (Elias chuckles)

So I feel like I’ve painted myself into a corner here! I mean, more than a lot of people I know, I’ve shown myself over and over and over again that I have the ability to accomplish in ways that are almost magical, and yet I don’t... It hasn’t resulted in me going “Yippee!”

ELIAS: (Chuckles) And this is associated with comparing and differences, and the lack of acceptance of difference and the automatic association of threat in relation to difference. In this belief, all things, all expressions, all manifestations should be equal, and therefore the same.

WENDY: So no one is different, and we’ll all feel safe.

ELIAS: Correct. In this, the belief associated with this equality triggers a type of domino effect in association with many other beliefs — that struggle is more valuable, that if you incorporate hard work you appreciate your outcome much more, if you are generating ease it is not as valuable as if you are being a martyr and suffering to accomplish what you want.

There are MANY beliefs that become triggered in association with this one of all of your realities should be equal, all individuals should be equal, which negates uniqueness and does not allow for your free expression of yourself in relation to your abilities or your preferences, for you are continuously forcing energy against your preferences and what you want and your natural flow. For you identify your natural flow as being bad if it is different, and there are STRONG comparisons that are generated. There are strong associations with what constitutes a good and also productive individual — a good individual never elevates themselves above any other individual.

WENDY: (Laughing) And I want to do that so much!

ELIAS: But in actually, as you begin to evaluate these beliefs and unravel the tangle of them and you begin to identify each of them individually and recognize the influence of them, you also begin to recognize your own expression in what you want and your preferences, and you begin to see that beliefs are merely that. They are beliefs; they are not truths. Therefore, they are not absolute, and in being not absolute, you may choose what your expression may be, regardless of the belief.

Remember, you are not eliminating them. They continue to exist, and they may even continue to be expressed beliefs. But regardless of whether they are expressed beliefs, once you have identified them and recognize what their influences are, you also offer yourself your freedom to choose and to move in different expressions.

WENDY: We talked last time about my tendency to force energy, which has... You know, you just brought that up again. So here I am, I have created a lot of freedom for myself objectively. I mean, I know that we’re always all free, but objectively now it looks as though I have a lot of freedom. I can live for a while on the money I have and reorient myself and get to work on starting my next business. That was what I was working at doing before I crashed and burned, because I was forcing my energy.

So here I am, six months have gone by, I’ve been working on... “Working!” I’ve been playing at relaxing, and I still want myself to be moving in the direction of this new career, yet I just seem to be stalled. I am finally able to think about it a little with cringing, but I’m just used to forcing my energy to make myself move past my fears. I would like to figure out some other way to do it.

ELIAS: What do you identify as your fear?

WENDY: I’d have to say my fear right now is kind of comical in a way, because I’m encountering it in every direction. I’d say my fear is a fear of exposure. In other words, exposing myself, my differences and the threat that I assume as a result of that.

I’m living right now at a juncture of two roads — I’m 20 feet from roads. I have never done that in my life. I’m exposed by where I live; I’m exposed to my landlord; I have a website which exposes me to the world. That’s where all this kind of got started. The writing I want to do and the work I want to do, which is basically reminding other people about being a straight little sapling, I seem to have a talent for giving other people permission and inspiring them and motivating them to move in the direction of more freedom in their lives. Yet now, here I am, I’ve boxed myself into this little box.

ELIAS: And not allowing your own expression of freedom.

WENDY: Exactly!

ELIAS: But you are presenting yourself with imagery and offering yourself information as to what is hindering your movement in association with your fear of exposure, which is significant.

Now; in this, recognize that the fear is expressed in a camouflage, for the association with the fear is that if you are exposing yourself, you may encounter the lack of acceptance of other individuals, when in actuality, this fear is not concerning other individuals at all. That is the camouflage. It is a fear of exposure of yourself and therefore exposing your own trust and acceptance of yourself, or the lack of.

WENDY: Exactly. (Laughing) “The lack of” — exactly!

ELIAS: For in this, as you move yourself into a genuine expression of trust and acceptance of yourself, exposing yourself and generating your own freedom to express yourself in association with your preferences matters not in association with other individuals. You do not concern yourself with how other individuals shall respond or perceive you.

WENDY: And here’s what’s odd. I’ve had periods in my life, many periods in my life, where I have... Like I was a topless dancer for years and that’s not considered to be socially acceptable, yet I was perfectly open about it. I was teaching at a community college and I was dancing topless at the same time. I danced topless for five years and I was totally open about it. Then I was raped at one point and I was totally open about that. I had completely different reactions to it, and I went around and did talks on the fact that our beliefs about what rape does to women are just beliefs. So I was totally open about that. Yet, here I am at this point, I’m finally trying to do something I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ve seized up.

ELIAS: Ah, but this is quite different. For those expressions are outward appearances of openness and being exposed. They are outward projections, and in a manner of speaking, they are also camouflages for this generates the presentment of yourself that APPEARS to be open and exposed.

But what is being exposed — actions and outward expressions, and not the inward exposure of yourself in relation to your trust and your acceptance of yourself. This is quite different. I may express to you, many individuals may express quite strongly outward appearances of confidence and trust and acceptance of themselves, but in actuality it is a mask. It is...

WENDY: I think I have been wearing it all my life! I’ve been wearing it all my life.

ELIAS: This is the reason that you are generating this challenge now. For now you are moving into an expression of a genuine exposure, which that exposure is not an outward expression of proving to other individuals how open and confident you are, but a movement into exposing yourself to you and genuinely observing and recognizing how much of your expression is camouflaged and how much you do not actually trust or accept yourself, and how much you compare.

WENDY: I recognize that I do that. I mean, I recognize that it is camouflage. I’ve spoken for years about my tendency to hide in plain sight. I have a tendency to appear so open that nobody knows what’s important to me.

ELIAS: Correct.

WENDY: I know I do that and I’ve been doing it for years. But do I unmask myself to myself just by this thing you keep telling us all, to become more acquainted with myself, kind of have more of a relationship with myself?

ELIAS: Partially, and also in allowing yourself to genuinely examine these beliefs that have influenced these manifestations and these behaviors that you have expressed for an ongoing time framework, to genuinely allow yourself to express an intimacy with yourself, to genuinely examine and identify the beliefs that you incorporate as expressed beliefs, and to allow yourself to view how they influence you. For as you begin to recognize how they influence you, what they are and how they influence you, in a moment in which you may be generating an automatic response to any of them you shall begin to notice that it is an automatic response, and in noticing those automatic responses, you may generate other choices.

For example, in a moment, if you have identified a particular belief and you recognize what its influences are, and perhaps you are interactive with another individual and in your terms you catch yourself or you notice that you are boldly expressing to another individual in an outward type of camouflaged exposure of yourself, in that moment as you notice — for that is an automatic response — you may thusly, in the moment, evaluate what is motivating that response and you may actually choose to generate a different response.

WENDY: Or I can generate the same response but do it out of choice, rather than automatically.

ELIAS: Correct! And you may be generating a similar response, but your motivation may be different. In what you create in automatic responses, you are unaware of the belief that is expressed, you are unaware of its influence, and you are unaware of your motivation in generating certain expressions. You merely do them.

WENDY: Yes, over and over I do. I do! So, at this point, I thought I wanted to start getting myself back on track, as I said, for this career, which involves a website which is full of my writings which is kind of like a brochure or a calling card, and I wanted to start maybe having group sessions where I talk about my work. The work that I’m doing mainly right now has been focused on using perception to alter reality in the area of health. I use a lot of scientific studies to remind people that it’s possible, that things that they think are miraculous are possible, that science, which everyone thinks is God, has found that this is possible even though it’s not understood.

This is the direction I want to be moving in right now, and yet I notice that although that’s what I want, I’m not doing it. I assume that part of trusting myself is to say eventually I’m going to get around to doing it without forcing my energy. But my tendency is to think I have to just force myself past this big block. Do you have any advice for the energy forcer?

ELIAS: It is not a matter of forcing your energy, but it is a matter of incorporating action and not waiting, for waiting merely generates frustration. It also hinders your actual creations, for in waiting you are generating an action of stopping your movement now and associating the manifestations with a future action or future event.

Now; let me express to you, what becomes restricting is to be projecting yourself and your attention futurely, occupying your attention with what you want future, which is thusly followed by the present — generating the future to be the past. For in actuality, the future is an illusion, and it is not created ahead of you. You merely project your attention in speculation of future actions or events or accomplishments or outcomes, but the future is always followed by the present. Therefore, the present is actually the future, and the future becomes the past once it is followed by the present.

WENDY: I remember reading this once in one of the transcripts, and it scrambles the brain! (Both laugh)

ELIAS: You may project your attention futurely and you may express to yourself quite concentratedly, “What I want is to be generating these group interactions to be discussing these methods and ideas of how to be generating healing actions in association with perception.”

Now; in that entire time framework, you are projected into the future. You snap yourself back into the present, or actually forward into the present, and recognize, “But I am not creating that now,” and you become aware of the now. When do you become aware of the now — after you have projected to the future. Therefore, what is the future?

WENDY: An illusion.

ELIAS: Correct, and it is now. Therefore in waiting, what are you waiting for — the past? For this is what the future becomes, once it is followed by the present.

WENDY: So if I’m waiting for myself to be more relaxed, if I’m waiting for myself to get in a certain state so that I don’t force my energy, I’m doing the same thing.

ELIAS: Correct. In this, this is the reason that I continue to express the significance of genuinely paying attention in the now. This is your point of power, for this is the moment in which you actually generate outcomes and you actually generate movement and manifestations.

WENDY: So if I shift my attention to the now and I don’t project in any way into the future, and I just notice that I don’t feel like working on this stuff at all, then if I could just stay okay with that and relaxed about that, that would shift, in theory. Right?

ELIAS: Yes! For this allows you to generate the comfort in association with what you want. If you are continuously associating that what you want necessitates work, you affect your motivation. You become at odds with yourself, for you do not want to incorporate work but you do want to incorporate an outcome. The significance in this is perception and the association with work.

WENDY: So, okay, explain it to me some more. (Laughs) I feel like I’m on the edge of getting this.

ELIAS: If you are allowing yourself in the moment, in the day, to freely express yourself and generate the DOING of what you want in the day in association with your preferences, are not forcing your energy and (are) allowing yourself to continue to be present in the now, in the day, you may recognize moments in which you are expressing to yourself, “I should be doing this.”

Now; you shall immediately offer yourself an emotional communication associated with that “should.” You shall either communicate to yourself an acknowledgment and an agreement within yourself that this action of the “should” is actually what you want to be doing, or you shall offer yourself a communication that expresses no, this is not what I want to be doing. Listen to that communication and allow yourself to incorporate the freedom to respond to that communication.

Now; if you are expressing the communication to yourself, “No, I do not want to be engaging that action,” allow yourself to evaluate what it is that you do want to be doing in that moment, in that day, in THIS day. And in that, if you are expressing a different action or identifying a different action that you want to be incorporating and you express an ease with that identification, allow yourself the flexibility to move into the other expression and not to be discounting yourself for forcing yourself in the “should,” for perhaps the “should” is associated with your identification of work.

Now; if you are interrupting your association with work and allowing yourself to move in an expression of more ease and more playfulness, if you genuinely want to be incorporating the action that is associated with the “should,” you shall begin to offer yourself manners in which you may move into that “should” in different expressions, and not necessarily associated with working. You shall allow yourself to recognize that there are other manners that you may accomplish that “should,” so to speak, for it is associated with what you want. But the “should” element is the expression of the work aspect of it.

WENDY: And I notice the “should” element is associated with the fear aspect of it — I should stop feeling afraid to do this and just figure out how to do it in a way that works for myself.

ELIAS: Correct, which is forcing. Rather, allow yourself to move into expressions and actions that you prefer and that you are not forcing.

WENDY: The last time I talked to you, I asked a question that came out of the crystal ball question, but it wasn’t, which was should I get a new car. I was just having trouble even making a decision, and I finally did make the decision. I made the decision a week ago. I made the decision out of I need to make a choice just to get things moving. I needed to make a choice, regardless of whether the choice is good or bad or anything. I just needed to make a choice and move forward, just move. So, in a way, that’s how I feel about this work right now, is that I...

ELIAS: Let me offer you a hypothetical example, for I am understanding the automatic associations in black and white and in absolutes. In this, you may be allowing yourself to accomplish in the direction associated with what you want in expressions that may surfacely appear to you to be entirely unrelated.

Now; you have defined within yourself what you would term to be a goal of an outcome that you want to be creating in association with a new movement, what you term to be career. But you have generated what you also associate as restrictions or blocks in actually accomplishing that manifestation, and we have identified some of the beliefs and the reasons or the motivations for those restrictions.

Now; hypothetically, in one particular day you may be expressing to yourself that you should be incorporating certain actions and expressions in association with that want and goal. Therefore, you should be incorporating the action of writing, perhaps. But you also notice a struggle, so to speak, within yourself, and a lack of desire to be actually incorporating that action.

Now; hypothetically, you may present to yourself in a moment that you would rather incorporate the action of shopping for a new plant, or you may express to yourself, “No, I do not prefer to be working today. I prefer to incorporate an action of viewing a film, and perhaps after I am viewing the film, I shall express the action of offering myself ice cream, and after I am incorporating ice cream, I may choose to be reading a book and incorporating a nap.”

Now; your struggle shall arise, for in association with your beliefs all of these actions are unproductive and are not actions that are moving you into the accomplishment of your goal. Therefore, they all appear to be entirely unrelated to the accomplishment of what you want. But in actuality, they ARE related, for in listening to yourself and allowing yourself not to force your energy and to be incorporating these different actions, which surfacely appear to you to be unproductive, what they are actually serving in purpose is for you to be listening to yourself, for you to be interrupting your association with work, for you to allow yourself the freedom of your expression, for you to be incorporating more of a flexibility and less rigidness.

These are all expressions that actually contribute to your allowance of yourself to be trusting and accepting of yourself, which is the point, which shall also allow you to generate the manifestation of what you want in association with your goal. Are you understanding?

WENDY: Yes, yes, I am understanding. What I feel I have been doing over the last six months since my move is that, and I guess the piece that I keep struggling with is my impatience. It’s like I give myself a certain amount of time to live like that, to live the way you just described, where I listen to myself and I become flexible and I just allow myself to do whatever I want to do. What I notice is I have to kind of stay on top of the whole belief, all the aspects of beliefs about it not being productive, about using up precious time that I could be using to be productive, and that if I don’t hurry up and relax and learn to trust myself, that it’s going to be too late. (Elias laughs loudly) If I can unplug that part of it, I know, I realize...

ELIAS: This may be identified as an oxymoron, to hurry up and relax! (Laughs)

WENDY: It’s a big circle, that I’m trying to relax and then I get to the point where I can’t even think of what I would want to do. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to do any of the things I like to do. I don’t want to read, I don’t want to cook, I don’t want to do anything because I’m not doing this one thing I think I should be doing, and so it’s like my desires go away.

I mean, one reason I bought this car was that I remembered that I did want it. (Laughs) I know that sounds stupid, but I had actually gotten to a point where I couldn’t even remember that I’d wanted a new car. I just didn’t want the car I had and I couldn’t... It was like wanting another house. I suddenly saw two other people’s houses the other day, and I just thought, “Yes, that’s what I want.”

I just get myself to this point where if I think I don’t want anything then I’ll move forward faster because it’s not such a big hurdle. (Laughs with Elias) You know? If I only want a little something, then I don’t have to trust myself very much and maybe I trust myself enough now to have nothing.

ELIAS: Perhaps, and perhaps it is a matter of paying attention in the now, for you are quite proficient at projecting either pastly OR futurely. In this, if you are allowing yourself to pay attention genuinely in the now, in this day, and paying attention to all of the actions and associations that you generate in this one day and not concern yourself with any projections futurely, you may be manipulating your energy quite differently.

WENDY: No “shoulds” at all, then. See, this thing about ease and playfulness, I was thinking about that the other day. Can’t I come up with some way to do this writing and the website and everything I want to do, couldn’t I find a fun way to do it?

ELIAS: You may, but the key element is your belief concerning work and your association with that in relation to what you want. This is the key, to be allowing yourself to alter your perception concerning work and to allow yourself to view generating these actions in fun and not work. Once you generate the association of work, you trigger many other associations with what accompanies that, what outcomes are produced by work, what is generated by work...

WENDY: Money. (Laughing)

ELIAS: Correct! But you may also generate money in fun.

WENDY: I can’t say I believe that. I believe that that is possible and... I believe that’s possible.

ELIAS: But not within your reality. (Grins)

WENDY: Well, you know, I get this whole thing about if I want it I can’t have it, like why should I get to have that? Everybody wants that, everybody wants to have an easy life. Why do I get to have it?

ELIAS: For you choose it.

WENDY: (Laughing) Just because I want it?

ELIAS: Correct! And you choose it, and it is not wrong. This moves once again to that belief concerning equality and how it is influencing. Why should you generate ease and abundance? It is not equal. Therefore, what is YOUR right to be incorporating those expressions and manifestations within YOUR focus? For this is elevating yourself above other individuals and expressing that you are more capable or that you are special, and THAT is quite definitely bad.

But you ARE special, for you are unique, and you incorporate choice, which IS your right. And in association with your worth, I may present the reverse question to you — why should you NOT afford yourself whatever you want? (Wendy sighs) For recognize in this belief of equality, it is also not good to be less than.

WENDY: I see that I’ve walled myself in tight between both of those. I’m not supposed to be better than anybody and I’m not supposed to be worse than anybody. I’m supposed to be in some perfect middle ground, just like everybody.

ELIAS: Correct.

WENDY: I’m not! And I’m not.

ELIAS: Of course you are not, for you are YOU and you are unique!

WENDY: And they aren’t either!

ELIAS: Correct! That also is an illusion. For many individuals may generate similar expressions, but they are not the same. You create these mass associations of sameness and what is good and what is bad and what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, but each individual IS unique. Therefore, although it may appear surfacely that individuals generate very similar creations or outcomes in different manifestations, each individual generates their own unique version of the expression.

WENDY: And their motivations are different, everything. I mean, there’s a ton of different stuff.

ELIAS: Correct! Even in similar manifestations that individuals generate in association with their orientations, they may generate very similar actions to each other but they are also creating those actions in their own unique expression. And this is the trap of comparing.

Comparison generates an association of absolutes, that there is an absolute manner in which some expression should be offered. If it expressed differently, it is to be compared.

WENDY: And rated.

ELIAS: Correct! Which is merely a discounting of all involved.

WENDY: Okay, so I won’t ever do that again! (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Or so you say! (Laughs)

WENDY: I wish! All right, well, I’ll practice that. I’ll pay attention to this. I’m going to be noticing comparisons, this whole belief in equality, a lot of beliefs about work. That’ll be my play.

ELIAS: And perhaps, merely allow yourself to be present in this day and not WORK so hard at identifying your beliefs.

WENDY: That would be nice! (Both laugh)

ELIAS: But rather allow yourself your presence within this day and play with your noticing.

WENDY: One very quick thing, because I want to let you go. The political people, as opposed to the thought and emotional ones, you haven’t explained much about it, and what I was noticing about myself is that I tend to like to have the big picture. I always am interested in how everything connects with everything else and how everything is associated with everything else. If I meet somebody, I’d like to see a picture of their mother and their father and all their friends. Is that like the political thing, or is that some other version of insanity?

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! There is an element of that which is associated with the political focus — not entirely, but there is an element of that which is associated with being a political focus.

WENDY: All right, some other day I’ll have you explain more about that.

ELIAS: Very well.

WENDY: All right! Thank you very much.

ELIAS: (Laughs) You are very welcome, my friend.

WENDY: I’ll be looking forward to you flickering my light.

ELIAS: And so I shall. (Laughs)

WENDY: Thank you, Elias!

ELIAS: To you, my friend, in anticipation of our next meeting and in tremendous fondness and affection, au revoir.

WENDY: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 12:57 PM.

©2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.