Looking at Relationships
“Looking at Relationships"
Wednesday, November 20, 2002 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carol (Theona)
Elias arrives at 2:21 PM. (Arrival time is 19 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
CAROL: Hello! (Elias chuckles) Elias! I’ve been talking to Mary about emotions and relationships. This is something that I’ve been looking at and actually engaging on another level than I’ve been able to in this life. I don’t really know exactly what question to ask you about this, except I feel like the energy’s moving. A lot of what I see are tragic things, dark things, perhaps times when I’ve ended my own life, and looking at these things without judging them, though.
I feel like I’m attracting some males. It looks like I’m having some things that would have stopped me before, and I would have said, “Okay, I can’t go on with this fellow because I see a bad trait there or I see an emotional quality that disturbs me.” Instead, I’m looking at that and seeing that as sort of reflecting myself and sort of opening this engaging kind of ... I’m feeling the energy instead of shutting it out.
ELIAS: And this is quite a different type of action, is it not?
CAROL: It is. In this life, it is. I had this belief, I suppose, that I should not have relationships like other people do, not monogamous or committed or long-term. I should not mate with somebody in this life. I guess that was the fear of pain, that I felt I should transmute this emotion into some artistic or some accomplishment.
ELIAS: Ah, and therefore not listen to the communication but attempt to ignore it by channeling it into a different type of expression. And what information are you offering yourself now that you are allowing yourself to pay attention to these communications and to view them and assess what they are expressing to you?
CAROL: I told myself that I did truly want to have a deep and long-term relationship that involved my child, raising my child. Out of fear, I used to just see this blackness, that out of this relationship I would be dead. I feel that what I lived through since my child was born, I don’t think it could get any worse than that, as far as terror, cataclysm, suicidal impulses; it was the gamut. I feel like, having gone through that, I said, “Well, it’s really not worth it,” and so I’m really not afraid to see that stuff. I feel like I opened the door all the way and saw everything I could have seen. I mean, it could get that bad, but it could not get worse!
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And now you also open the door for your own expression of freedom, for in acceptance of those shadows you offer yourself much more freedom in your choices.
CAROL: This man, David, seems to be very interested. There were a lot of signals that I could have said, “Well, nope, I’m not going any farther with him.” It feels like there’s a lot of feeling there. He’s projecting a lot of feeling toward me and Gabriel, and what I’m doing is just letting it in.
I’m just wondering about other lives. It seems that maybe I’m looking at one in St. Louis, possibly, when I chose to stay alone. I think I had some love connection back in Scotland that had ended in tragedy or I went away from this person, Craig?
CAROL: I thought maybe this person was Craig, who I had such a tremendous attraction to when I was young. But David seemed like someone I knew maybe in St. Louis as a friend but didn’t really have a romantic relationship with him.
CAROL: He wouldn’t actually allow that. Then I thought that I had killed myself in that life. I had been independent, making my living by sewing, and I don’t know why I... Is that true?
CAROL: I see myself going upstairs, and a lot of clothes and things there.
CAROL: Anything else about my connection with him?
ELIAS: You have engaged several focuses with this individual.
Now; what is significant is that you are allowing an energy expression with this individual. How do you perceive this?
CAROL: How do I?
CAROL: The old pattern is either I’m trapped by it and I have to go with it and I have to sort of be trapped in this relationship, or else I just shut the door really firmly once and for all, put an end to it.
ELIAS: But this is not what you are engaging now.
CAROL: No. I’m just feeling a lot of what he seems to be projecting, a lot of love, a lot of emotion. I’m just sort of looking at what fantasies I might create, that I might want to raise my child with him and that on an emotional level he could be very ... that that could be fulfilling. That could be that emotional giving that we’ve each been through. (Laughs) We’ve each been doing that in this life, so we kind of have seen the dark side and kind of would like to look at the light side.
ELIAS: I am understanding. And what are you generating in feeling?
CAROL: First of all, I don’t want to close off the other possibilities, because I have this arena for encounters in California that brings me in contact with a lot of opportunities to experience my sexuality and men, and I don’t really want to shut down the flow. I’m kind of just looking around and going with him, “Okay, we’ll get together,” because we really haven’t yet, “We’ll get together and do something with Gabe.” I know my child’s very important to him
ELIAS: Very well, therefore you are expressing a type of neutrality temporarily.
CAROL: I guess you could say that.
ELIAS: And exploring your possibilities.
CAROL: Yeah, I guess you could say that. (Both laugh) I mean to me, just letting the feeling of not shutting it down...
ELIAS: I am understanding. This is a significant alteration in what you may term to be breaking from patterns. And what is your concern in relation to your son?
CAROL: Well, there’s the man that I brought him into this life with, and I’m just wondering about that. There’s seems to be this terrific bond between my child and Dan, and it has not been an easy thing. I mean, the amount of emotion that... He’s just been an emotional volcano. When or if I become involved with another man, that necessitates dealing with Dan and his energy. I’m kind of wondering about the connection with Dan and Gabe, and why I chose that. I guess I chose that because I just wanted the maxed-out emotional content that was really going to push me to my limits, I guess, that I wanted to see that kind of explosive thing.
ELIAS: Partially, but in actuality this has been the method, so to speak, that you have chosen to move yourself into a position in which you would allow yourself to genuinely view you and examine your influences of your beliefs, and also allow you the opportunity to examine what you genuinely want and how you want to express yourself, and not incorporating the limitations which may be expressed in association with other individuals.
Therefore, this experience is offering you the opportunity to examine these aspects of yourself and allowing you to recognize the expressions that you block and that you do not allow yourself, and also to examine your preferences in relation to what you want, not what you should or should not do.
CAROL: I find in myself underneath all this what I should or should not do, there’s this tremendous vulnerability I feel. That’s what seems to be underneath it.
ELIAS: But another manner in which to view vulnerability is to recognize that it is also an openness.
CAROL: It feels wonderful to be able to feel it. So what about this relationship with Dan and Gabe?
ELIAS: And what is the nature of your concern?
CAROL: He keeps telling me that Dan was the person that he wanted for his father. I was wondering why he wanted Dan for his father, or anything about that.
ELIAS: This may be what you term as a complex question and a complex answer, for this is associated with the choices of the other essence. As you are aware, within physical focus, in actuality the choice that you engage as the parent, so to speak, is merely to facilitate the physical entry of the new essence.
Now; I am aware that you engage many beliefs associated with the role of the parent. But in relation to the entering essence, that essence chooses which individuals they shall engage as parents, whether they shall engage an actual relationship with either of their biological parents or not, what type of lineage they wish to incorporate within their physical manifestation. There are many reasons, so to speak, many associations with these choices, all of which are beneficial to the individual’s direction or intent in their particular focus.
Now; beneficial does not always denote comfortable, but this is not to say that the choices are not purposeful. There are choices that this small one is engaging in relation to this other individual, which offers him information and also some interesting experiences.
CAROL: In this St. Louis life, I was just wondering why I hung myself, because I thought that I had attained quite a bit of independence and some stature about the work I did.
ELIAS: Which is filtered through your perception now. But in that focus, those particular expressions are not as important as other expressions.
CAROL: Was it a man I wanted that I didn’t have?
CAROL: I think David must have been my son in a life, possibly.
CAROL: Also, there’s this man, Kevin, and I had a lot of times when I thought that I should be with him in this life and that that would work. I was really surprised to find myself recreating that. I don’t feel emotionally involved or anything; I’m just wondering about the nature of this connection. I think that goes back to the Roman life where we had been rulers. I think he was the female, and maybe Nancy was his daughter, his first wife in this life.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
CAROL: Is this the main life that is influencing in this? Why is it that I keep dreaming about him?
ELIAS: This is not necessarily associated with bleed-through. This is much more associated with this focus and experiences and what may be identified as hopes, ideals, different expressions that you generate, and you express a romanticizing in association with these types of expressions. In this, you attach that romanticizing of the ideals with an individual.
CAROL: Like his being an artist. That’s part of it, isn’t it?
CAROL: He seems very neutral.
ELIAS: But let me also express to you, these types of expressions may be quite beneficial, for this also allows you to examine other aspects of yourself in relation to what you want. As you allow yourself to pay attention to this type of imagery, you offer yourself information in relation to the manner in which you want to express yourself in a relationship and what type of environment you prefer in a relationship — not necessarily a physical environment, but an energy environment.
CAROL: For me, it’s always been that one person represents one aspect while another one represents something else in me. One person may seem extremely emotionally compelling, and yet intellectually someone else... That’s how it’s always been.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but these experiences offer you an avenue to become familiar with yourself much more clearly, and in that, as you turn your attention and concentrate your attention upon you rather than continuing to project your attention outwardly in relation to other individuals, you begin to generate a type of energy which is much more naturally you.
CAROL: That’s what I’ve been doing more. I feel like I have been doing that.
CAROL: This person Kevin doesn’t seem to be... It really seems to be all about me.
ELIAS: Correct! And in this, as you project outwardly this energy in familiarity of yourself and in the freedom of your expressions and your preferences, you also draw to yourself like energy, and therefore you begin to draw to yourself other individuals that you may generate this type of a relationship with.
CAROL: Which reminds of the Roman lifetime we were talking about, which emperor it was. The only one I could feel that I was, that I am, this other focus, the only one that seemed to fit was Caesar Augustus.
CAROL: That’s the one?
CAROL: It seems to be quite influencing in this life, in that there seems to be this quality where it’s kind of all or nothing. Even in my teaching it seems like there’s this influence of being kind of dictatorial to people where I almost hardly do anything, that there seems to be this very strong imperative of liberating the people that I teach, and in that way liberating myself.
ELIAS: In actuality, the action would be the reverse.
CAROL: What, liberating myself and hence then allowing others...?
CAROL: Also, I have these ideas that I have to be the best, I have to be the unchallenged. Is this correct?
ELIAS: This is directly associated with your beliefs. As you continue to familiarize yourself with you and as you continue to generate more clarity in association with your beliefs and your perception, you shall also allow yourself to relax, which shall be helpful in generating much more of an acceptance. For this push that you express within yourself in continuously attempting to be generating better is an expression of not accepting the excellence that you already incorporate.
CAROL: I know that with my father and so forth that’s been a major theme in my life.
So I still feel very drawn to teaching and like there’s a lot for me there, although there have been a lot of humiliating experiences for me so far. When I saw this picture of Rudolph Steiner when I was very young, I was just really captivated by this person. It was really arresting for me to see that picture. I was very drawn to Rudolph Steiner, and I was wondering if you might tell me a little bit about past life associations or what this is in me.
ELIAS: Observing essence.
CAROL: I was wondering if I hadn’t actually been involved as some type of educator of different theories or new ideas in the last part of the 19th century.
CAROL: Could you tell me what my name would have been?
CAROL: That sounds Austrian as well, when you said that.
ELIAS: Yes, and you may investigate if you are so choosing.
CAROL: Then I would like to ask you as well about this Oscar Wilde focus. I felt very drawn to him as well. He’s a writer. I was looking up Ireland, and I was wondering about a focus that I might have had there at that time.
ELIAS: You do incorporate a focus in Ireland in that time framework but not objectively known to that individual of Oscar, and your draw is actually less associated with that particular individual than it is with myself.
CAROL: It seems maybe I knew of Oscar Wilde, although he may not have known...
ELIAS: Yes. You incorporate an awareness of that individual but not an objective interaction with.
CAROL: I just see a housewife or something, a woman.
CAROL: I’m still curious about the life in Scotland. I’m thinking that I must have had a life where my name was Fiona, because I wrote a story with a character named that.
Anyway, it seemed that I was looking at my relationship to you and what you were doing, and it seemed that I must have had a fascination with and that sometimes I was in touch with what would be called witchcraft or wizardry. But I kept the veils of proper society or of my station in that I had some investment in protecting that. But sometimes things maybe in dreams like birds flying and windows indicated that I was working with this wizardry that you were doing.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct. And I may express to you, you do incorporate this physical naming in more than one focus.
CAROL: It seems to me when I hear it I definitely feel a darkness. Theona — that’s my essence name.
Also I’m thinking about my writing. It just seems that I’m starting to objectively receive some beginning signs of acknowledgment, and I just wanted to ask you. It just looks like basically ... I’m not sure I can express it! (Laughs) It seems like I have a strong feeling about doing something with this medium in this life, that it’s a pretty major thing for me.
ELIAS: And if allowing yourself to continue to engage this creativity, may be quite liberating.
CAROL: It seems that I’m getting to the place where when I feel that I’m being rejected, or I guess you would say I’m creating this rejection, that I’m more and more just able to roll with the punches and it isn’t really interfering nearly as much with my own ability to keep on expressing. One thing that’s attracting me now in writing is bringing together different spheres, different realms, like seemingly opposite realms or realms that are seemingly at odds with each other, like fundamentalist Christians and New Age people, or farmers and city people.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and this may be your exploration of difference and may facilitate your action of movement into acceptance in association with difference, recognizing that it is merely differences in expressions or associations with beliefs but that that does not necessitate the expression of threateningness.
CAROL: I’ve experienced some of the people on either side, and I feel like being outrageous to both sides. That feels right, and it feels like I’m being in touch with some deeper principle or energetic undercurrent — that is, “One.”
ELIAS: Correct, the lack of separation. Separation is a belief also. As you continue in your movement, you are recognizing that you may pierce through this veil of separation and genuinely recognize that there is no separation and that each individual within your physical reality incorporates ALL of the beliefs that are contained within ALL of the belief systems. You merely choose to express certain beliefs in association with the societies that you choose, other individuals that you choose to be grouping yourself with. There are many, many factors that are associated with any individual’s beliefs, but this is not to say that each individual does not incorporate all of the beliefs. Some of the beliefs are latent and are not expressed, and others are aligned with and are expressed.
But once you recognize that you do incorporate all beliefs and that you are merely expressing your preference of beliefs, you also offer yourself the recognition of the lack of separation. You offer yourself the understanding that beliefs are an element of the design of your dimension and in themselves are neutral. Also, in the incorporation of all beliefs, you incorporate tremendous freedom, for you may move your attention and you may alter your perception and you may incorporate different beliefs. This is...
CAROL: Yeah, that’s what I’m experiencing...
CAROL: ...that I’m a Democrat and a Republican — all these things. I feel like I’m one of the people that lives back here, out in the country, in this remote place with all these conservative beliefs, and I feel like I’m all the New Age things and I’m all the Bay Area. I just feel like I’m all of that!
ELIAS: Correct, which in actuality generates a tremendous freedom, for this allows you not merely to be accepting of yourself but to alter your perception and view other individuals quite differently.
CAROL: So that’s what I want to show in my writing these days. Oh, yes, I wanted to ask you my signature color.
ELIAS: And your impression?
CAROL: Well, I’ve been saying that my soul color is emerald green, but I don’t know where that fits in.
ELIAS: Yes, your impression is correct.
CAROL: That’s the signature color?
CAROL: I feel that my orientation is common.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
CAROL: And I’m thought focused.
CAROL: I was curious about other focuses that I have right now on the planet. I definitely feel that this is my final focus.
CAROL: I feel like I have focuses in Latin American countries where they speak Spanish. I’m not sure exactly where, though. Where would that be?
ELIAS: In this time framework or in other time frameworks?
CAROL: I was looking right at this one, but I’m also curious about other ones, too.
ELIAS: You do incorporate focuses in other time frameworks in your southern America. You also...
CAROL: Would that be ... I saw Uruguay.
CAROL: It’s kind of a city life, as I see it.
ELIAS: Yes, in one focus. You do incorporate other focuses in Latin countries.
CAROL: I know that I have a draw to that culture.
ELIAS: You also incorporate several focuses in Spain and Portugal.
ELIAS: Not in this time framework.
CAROL: Oh, yes! I feel I was definitely a conquistador.
CAROL: Also a flamenco dancer.
CAROL: Right now, this focus in Latin America, what country would that be?
CAROL: You know, I’m very curious to go and see this healer called John of God. When I read the book, I just thought that I must go there. It’s like I feel drawn to healing, and Ilda is my alignment. I don’t know if it would be involved with this John of God, though.
ELIAS: This is your choice.
CAROL: I mean this focus that I have in Brazil.
ELIAS: The information is known to that individual, yes. But the draw is not as strong as you express. (Pause)
CAROL: I feel that I have focuses that are Spanish speaking. Brazil, I know, is Portuguese speaking.
ELIAS: You are correct, but not within the southern continent. You do incorporate another focus in this time framework in Mexico.
CAROL: In this time framework?
CAROL: What would be the name of this person? (Pause)
CAROL: I feel that I have focuses in the Middle East. I have or had one in Russia, I feel. I think that person could have disengaged.
CAROL: I was thinking of the East European countries and the Middle East, I mean Israel or Palestine.
CAROL: I’m thinking they may be fairly young, because there was a time when I wasn’t interested at all in the Middle East, and then there came a time when I started to be real interested in it.
ELIAS: These focuses are not within this time framework, but closely associated in what you may view as middle century of your 20th century.
CAROL: Israel and Palestine?
CAROL: How many focuses would I have now on the planet?
CAROL: Any others that I might look at, of now or other times, that might be influencing?
ELIAS: All of your focuses are influencing, and you are influencing of all of them, for they are all you. But I may express to you that the most influencing is this focus that you are experiencing now.
CAROL: Because it’s a final focus?
ELIAS: Not necessarily, but this is the direction that your attention is focused in and therefore it is the most significant to you. Other focuses are influencing, but not necessarily in what may be termed as a direct manner. For they are all you, but you configure that energy to be associated with the experiences that you choose in this focus.
CAROL: I’ve been using the flower essences lately, and they seem to really work. I’m just wondering how this works. The plants are lending their energy. This seems to be a very specific method of psychological tuning.
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, although this is also dependent upon the individual and your preferences. You express a preference in this focus in association with scents, and therefore this may be quite affecting, for you allow this to be affecting.
CAROL: The plants seem to have certain psychological predispositions. (Unintelligible) within the plant kingdom.
ELIAS: Not necessarily in themselves, but in your association with them, yes.
CAROL: I feel like with Gabriel, it seems like it’s working well for me to turn my attention to myself instead of on him. That feels like it’s helped a lot in this relationship to focus on myself. I see a tremendous amount of emotion that he represents to me.
ELIAS: But you are offering yourself much more of an expression of freedom in this relationship with this small one, in allowing yourself to pay attention to you and to listen to yourself more clearly rather than concerning yourself with his choices and his behaviors and therefore confusing yourself and generating frustration and tension.
CAROL: It feels like this really does work. It’s really facilitated the relationship. With Dan, what I do is accept that I’ve created that relationship and accept its totality.
Now; I may express to you, this may be slightly more challenging to be holding your attention upon you in relation to the other individual, but you do incorporate the ability to accomplish that. As you continue to practice and not project outwardly and not generate frustration, you shall express much more of a calmness in your energy, which, my friend, shall also be affecting of what you create in relation to the other individual, and therefore his expression may alter.
CAROL: I think I’ve just very thinly glimpsed that that is a possibility! (Both laugh)
I’m not having as much fun as... I feel like I have to be very grounded to embody who I actually am and that I’ve sort of been floating all over the place.
ELIAS: Not necessarily, my friend. In your acceptance of other actions that you are incorporating, also allow yourself to merely experience drifting. Allow yourself to experience your own freedom. It is not always necessary for you to be holding tightly to the reins. (Carol sighs) And perhaps in allowing yourself more of your freedom, you shall incorporate more fun. Be remembering, move your attention to what you want, not to the shoulds and the should-nots.
CAROL: Turn my attention to what I want.
CAROL: Well, I become wrapped up in that versus accepting what is and giving my attention to creating an acceptance of what I see in front of me. You know what I’m saying?
ELIAS: I am understanding what you are expressing, although do not confuse acceptance with resignation.
CAROL: Yes, I see that in clarity in myself. Well, it looks like the time is about up. Thank you very much for your time! (Both laugh)
ELIAS: You are quite welcome! (Laughing) For no time! (Both laugh)
CAROL: Anyway, thank you for speaking with me, and I hope that we speak again.
ELIAS: And so shall I. In this, in the interim time framework, I shall be offering an energy to you to be encouraging you in fun. (Both laugh)
CAROL: Yes, at least I know that that’s where it’s at! (Laughs)
ELIAS: And not incorporating such seriousness! (Both laugh)
CAROL: Well, I have Saturn in the first house, you know. (Elias laughs) Well, then, thank you.
ELIAS: You are welcome. To you, my friend, I express great affection. I shall be anticipating our next meeting. In fondness, au revoir.
CAROL: Thank you.
Elias departs at 3:19 PM.
©2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.