Not Generating Expectations in Interactions
“Not Generating Expectations in Interactions”
“What Is an Intimate Relationship in This Shift?”
Monday, July 29, 2002 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Seale (Seale)
Elias arrives at 11:22 AM. (Arrival time is 24 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
SEALE: Good morning. It’s been a while.
ELIAS: (Chuckles) And how shall we proceed?
SEALE: As always — more questions that I wanted just to clarify.
ELIAS: Very well.
SEALE: First of all, you know the other night when I was just coughing and coughing and almost threw up, was that me connecting with Mary and her physical thing that’s happening?
SEALE: I knew that. But I don’t understand why I did that, because I didn’t even know she has a problem at that point in time.
ELIAS: Let me offer to you, Seale, it matters not that you objectively incorporate information within any particular time framework. You are all interconnected, and therefore there is subjective communication that occurs. You have been, in your terms, connecting with Michael in association with appointments and allowance of conversation between yourself and myself.
Now; in this also, for quite some time framework you have allowed yourself to be periodically empathically connecting with Michael. In this time framework Michael is generating a physical affectingness, and you have merely allowed yourself to empathically connect with that experience temporarily.
This offers you information. It offers you information in regard to connecting with another individual’s energy expression, and also offers you information objectively that you may generate a clearer understanding of other individuals and their experiences in difference to yourself and your experiences. Are you understanding?
SEALE: Yes, and when I thought about all this, I thought, “Should I call now? She didn’t cancel.” And then I was like, “Oh, forget all that!” I looked back into myself and said, “I really would like to create this session, so I’ll just call her. If she’s not able to do it, then fine. At least I’ll talk with her.” To me it was validation of trusting myself with what I wanted to create, because that seems to be a big issue with me right now.
ELIAS: Correct, and you allowed yourself to follow your communication to yourself and validate yourself.
SEALE: The other part is about me not feeling guilty or bad about what I want to create when the other person isn’t where I think they should be to allow it to happen.
ELIAS: Correct, and also pay attention to what you have generated in this experience, for this is significant in association with your movement.
What you generated was an experience empathically, also followed by objective information, and paying attention to yourself and what you want to create, but also recognizing the interaction between yourself and another individual and not generating an expectation of the other individual. In this, allow yourself to see how acknowledging what you want but not generating an expectation in relation to the other individual sets forth a different type of energy expression from you. In this, you project a different expression of energy to the other individual and they respond differently.
This in actuality is an excellent example to be remembering futurely, for in paying attention to what you want, genuinely trusting yourself, not questioning yourself, but also not projecting expectations to other individuals, what you actually generate is a projection of energy which is rippling outward to the other individual in supportiveness. Therefore, you are supportive of yourself and you are also supportive of the other individual, and this changes the energy which is being projected between you.
Now; let me express to you, you and I have engaged discussions many times previously in relation to creating what you want in association with other individuals. You have incorporated much confusion with this concept, and have continued to express what you think you want but projected expectations to the other individual concerning what you want or expect of them and their action, and this has been the snare which we have been discussing repeatedly pastly.
Now; this is the reason that this experience is so significant, for this experience has allowed you the opportunity to actually objectively view a different movement in your expression. You were paying attention to yourself, you were acknowledging what you want, you do express caring for Michael, but you are not concerning yourself — which is different — with Michael’s creation, and in trusting yourself but not expressing in genuineness an expectation of Michael that he must comply with your want, you project a very different type of energy expression which supports you in your want and also is supportive to Michael in his desire and want also to facilitate your interaction with myself. Are you understanding the mechanism of all of this dynamic?
SEALE: Yes. I think that’s amazing that I really am understanding that. (Elias chuckles) It’s kind of weird that I can understand it but I didn’t have it all in words. You know what I mean? I haven’t processed it all, but I think I understood it inside myself.
SEALE: I guess that’s the subjective, and I just haven’t objectively been able to put it into words yet.
ELIAS: I am acknowledging of your movement.
SEALE: This is really good, because I am getting better. For a while there I was confused, but I am seeing that I am moving more into where I really want to be — not only thinking it, but actually objectively doing it.
SEALE: How many focuses... I know you told me a while back, but I lost those notes. I knew it was close to a hundred, but I’m not sure. I have 103 and 98 written down but I don’t know which one, or even if that’s right.
ELIAS: Your second...
SEALE: The 98?
SEALE: Do Ken and I have a brother/sister focus where I’m a sister to him or he’s my brother? Because that’s what he feels like.
SEALE: I don’t have a timeframe. I think that he, Bridgy, and I were together, but I don’t know when that was, either. I don’t know if that’s the Indian thing or if that’s in our Spain/England court thing.
Now; I shall suggest to you that you allow yourselves together to investigate and offer yourselves information concerning these shared focuses. In actuality, you incorporate three.
SEALE: Where all three of us, Bridgy, Ken, and I are together?
SEALE: Oh, cool! I wanted to do that anyway, so that’s good. I mean, together do a group thing.
Then there’s Bridgy, Fran, and my focus that we have, but I don’t have any more information on that, either. I haven’t been able, or I haven’t chosen — whichever, maybe both — to be able to get that, specific timeframes and whatever.
ELIAS: Allow yourself...
SEALE: Wait, wait, wait! Hold on just a minute. Here’s Ed. I just want to talk to him for a minute. (25-second pause) Okay, sorry.
SEALE: I haven’t been able to access that information myself. I’m not real clear on how that feels. Just like with Mary, it happens, but this is not normal for me, so then I started trying to look for what is the connection. You know what I mean?
ELIAS: I am understanding. Allow yourself time frameworks in which you relax and merely allow your energy to drift and do not discount the impressions that you present to yourself.
Now; I may also express to you that you may be generating this information more easily in association with other individuals. As you pool your energy together, you shall discover that it becomes much easier for you to connect with this type of information, and much more clearly. This also may provide a fun exercise for you and other individuals to engage in interconnectedness with each other.
SEALE: Oh, yes, I’ve been wanting to do this. Even when we were at Castaic, I wanted to have us together so that then maybe I could have created Emmy right there and then, but the other people said that was too freaky for them, so I just let that go. (Elias chuckles)
You know when I changed my name to Seale, that was so important. Do I have a focus of attention as Seale, as a name of a focus of attention?
SEALE: Can I get a timeframe? How do I connect more with that person? Because I cut my hair, that’s what I believed I did; I just went into that. I’m tapping into that or something, because I’ve also gotten stronger about doing things that Sherry felt were too intimidating, and I feel good about doing them. I’m understanding that I’m doing things differently. Am I going between Seale and Sherry?
ELIAS: No. You are merely allowing yourself to tap into other aspects of yourself to express different qualities and to validate yourself in association with your movement with this shift in consciousness.
This is not a situation in which you are turning your attention to another focus of yourself, but rather allowing yourself to express yourself more fully in different qualities that you incorporate that previously have been latent. This is a movement that you are generating through an expression of fear, and allowing yourself to dissipate your expressions of fear and validate yourself and recognize your abilities. I may express to you also, this is a natural movement into an expression of freedom, which is the point.
You are moving in association with this shift in consciousness, therefore you shall be noticing new freedoms and different expressions of yourself that you are allowing to be objectively projected. This continues to reinforce you in showing yourself your abilities, in a manner of speaking, creating objective evidence of your capabilities.
SEALE: So that part about where I found myself out on the ranch with the cow and the calf, that was another one of those, yes?
ELIAS: Yes, and what have you offered to yourself?
SEALE: Just more validation. I’m always amazing myself, because I’ve just been trying to really listen inside myself and go with it, and I don’t understand why I do it or how. I don’t have words now even to know why I was out there, if the calf was in trouble or if it was just simply to be there with it.
ELIAS: Merely to allow yourself the experience of this connection, which once again is an expression of thinning these veils of separation.
SEALE: That brings me to the other question about what’s happening. I went and sat with the orca, right? I came to the understanding that she was gonna do what she was gonna do. I don’t know what that meant exactly, but I was sure that she had come originally and that was a possibility of me connecting with her. But then she chose to do whatever she did. I don’t know how to explain it.
I think that animals are showing us that the veils are thinning, but what I don’t understand is why, like with the elk, why we’re losing them, why they’re getting sick and dying, because there’s a lot of people that do care about them. So why is that creation not keeping them healthy and wanting to be here?
ELIAS: There are many alterations or changes occurring in this shift. There are many essences that are choosing to be disengaging focuses in this time framework. Remember, all that you view within your reality is generated by yourselves. In this, you each individually and collectively create your world and all that occupies it. This is inclusive of your creatures also.
Now; if many individuals are disengaging from your physical dimension within this time framework of the objective insertion of this shift, what would suggest to you that your creatures would not also?
SEALE: What would suggest to me that they would want to? With less people, they should be less encroached upon.
ELIAS: But they are not being encroached upon, for you are creating them.
SEALE: Oh, so that’s our belief.
SEALE: I don’t think I get it. I don’t know why they want to leave. Oh, you’re saying there are so many people that had the belief of creating them, therefore some of them would be leaving too because those people would be leaving, so their belief about the animals wouldn’t be there?
ELIAS: Partially, yes. It is an expression of energy which is projected. You create these creatures, individually and collectively, and if you are removing the energy that is creating them, they shall remove also.
SEALE: That’s pretty simple. I didn’t even think about that. I guess I thought that they were already created, so that wouldn’t be the thing. I guess I didn’t understand the level of that. Oh, that will be reassuring to a lot of people then!
So what happened with the orca? Is that partly me changing and working on my relationship with Ed that I didn’t create that possibility?
ELIAS: Express to myself an explanation of your impression and what information you have offered to yourself in this experience.
SEALE: I went to see her to make sure... I mean, I was trying to find out what it is that she wanted to do. My thinking was, right or wrong, that she had chosen to have that interaction with other people to show that the veils have thinned and that we can communicate and that it’s not a bad thing, although most people still think we’re dangerous to animals if they get close to us. I believe that she’s coming back, or that’s a possibility that she’s coming this way, and we can recreate it at that point, if we’re both desiring it.
Now; what information have you offered to yourself in association with you and your movement?
SEALE: I don’t know. I know I was more focused on what I was doing with my relationship with Ed than I was at that point with the orca. I was understanding myself. There was a lot of conflict, so I was trying to get that figured out. And that acceptance thing again, I was disappointed at first when I went there, but then I knew she was going to go do that and I supported her in doing that, letting go of that expectation — kind of like the same thing with Mary.
Now; what is the source of your disappointment?
SEALE: Because I really did want to connect with her. I just felt like there are things that I want to remember, but I need to be close to her. That might be a belief. But it’s easier for me when I’m very close to her and can touch something. I’m not that trusting of myself subjectively.
ELIAS: And this is worthy of your attention, for physical proximity matters not.
SEALE: I am getting better, because I did send Mary that energy and I did believe it was helpful to her when I sent it. So I am working on that in little steps.
ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. But be remembering that your attention is to be directed to you and not concerning yourself with the choices that are generated outside of you.
SEALE: Oh, yes, I know that. I recognize that. That’s what’s happening with me and Ed, and I saw that, so I tried to go back and get back inside myself. It’s amazing what happens when I do it, but it’s easy to get back out. It’s so familiar and I guess that it’s taking me some time to do it.
ELIAS: I am understanding. But you are providing yourself with avenues to practice and to be paying attention.
SEALE: You’ve got that right! (Elias laughs)
My relationship with Ed — in some ways that surprised me and in some ways not. See, that’s what I mean. I talked to you about him a little bit quite a ways back, but I didn’t ask you any questions. I think there was fear there, and I still don’t know what that is exactly. Is that the fear of intimacy or the fear of being able to ... you know what I mean? Now when I’m able to create what I want with him, it’s really scary to me, and I’m trying to understand what that’s about. I get freaked! I say I want it and I hear myself saying I want it and I know I do, but there’s a part of me that just freaks, really freaks when it happens!
ELIAS: And what do you create? What do you do?
SEALE: What do you mean, “what do I do?”
ELIAS: You are expressing to myself what you think, what you think you want, but what are you actually creating? You may say to yourself, “I want to be engaging a relationship with this individual,” but what are you actually communicating to yourself and what are you actually creating? What actions do you actually engage?
SEALE: Oh, you mean about the doubting, do I really want to do this, those thoughts?
ELIAS: Your communications to yourself. You are generating communication to yourself in apprehension and doubt and fear. What are you expressing to yourself and what is your actual action in relation to this individual? What do you actually create?
Move your attention away from what you think you want and allow your attention to move in examination of what you are actually doing, what your actual behavior is, for this is what your choices are and this offers you more information concerning what you actually want. (Pause)
What type of interaction do you generate with this individual?
SEALE: Lots of different ones. There’s closeness and then there’s distance, and then there’s intimacy, being able to talk about things that both of us, I think, have a hard time talking about, and conflict.
ELIAS: The significance in this scenario is for you to be noticing in the moment what type of energy you are projecting. I may express to you, within this conversation and your interruption of it and your interaction briefly with this individual, your energy expression immediately altered.
ELIAS: Yes. You were expressing one type of energy projection in relation to myself and focused your attention, and in the interruption your energy expression immediately changed in apprehension and tension and guardedness.
SEALE: Oh, because he thinks I’m ... he doesn’t believe in what I’m doing with you.
ELIAS: But it matters not what he believes. What holds significance is what YOU choose.
SEALE: And why am I choosing guardedness? Is it because he doesn’t believe in it?
ELIAS: Correct. This is what I am expressing to you, Seale, that is worthy of your attention to be examining, to be noticing how you project your energy in interaction with this individual and what you are generating, not necessarily what you think you want, but what you are actually creating in the moment. What is your energy actually expressing? What are your communications to yourself in the moment? For you are offering yourself communications, you are merely ignoring them.
SEALE: Well, not always!
ELIAS: Correct, and I am acknowledging of that. Not always, but...
ELIAS: Yes, and this is what generates your confusion, for you are concerning yourself with the choices, the behaviors, the expressions, the opinions, the preferences of the other individual more so than you are paying attention to your own.
SEALE: That part I get loud and clear. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you. It’s like, “Oh no! I’ve got to get clear about this. I don’t like it!”
ELIAS: This is a very unfamiliar movement. I am acknowledging of that, which in its unfamiliarity generates tremendous challenge, and I am acknowledging of that also. But it is not impossible.
SEALE: It’s confusion about what is a relationship in this shift. I don’t even know inside myself what that means exactly.
ELIAS: Generating a relationship now in association with this shift in consciousness is genuinely knowing yourself and genuinely offering yourself the freedom to express, and to generate acceptance and appreciation and knowing and trust, which allows a tremendous opening between yourself and another individual, knowing that you create every aspect of your reality and assuming responsibility for self rather than incorporating personal responsibility for other individuals.
Now; in that action, you generate a genuine openness, exposure and vulnerability, and in those expressions you allow yourself to recognize that separation is a belief — it is strongly expressed, but it is a belief — and that in actuality you are not separated from other individuals. You are intertwined and interconnected, and therefore what you express in relation to yourself you are also expressing in relation to other individuals, and how you affect yourself you also affect other individuals.
In this, it is a recognition of the energy expressions rather than the familiar expectations of behaviors that you have looked to previously throughout your history as defining what is a relationship in intimacy between individuals. Previously not in association with this shift in consciousness, your measure of relationships has been expressed in expectations of behaviors. Now, in shifting your perception, you are moving into the recognition that you in actuality are creating all of the expressions of the relationship. Therefore, it no longer fits to generate the expectation of behavior of the other individual in the narrowness of the guidelines that have defined relationships pastly.
What you project outwardly you shall reflect to yourself. As you become more intimate with yourself and generate a clearer understanding of yourself and what YOU create, what YOU express, what YOUR behaviors are and what motivates those behaviors or influences them, you turn your energy; and in turning your energy, holding your attention within you, you automatically project outwardly a different type of energy expression, one of allowance, not of expectation, and this generates a very different type of experience in association with relationships. (Pause)
SEALE: I’m trying to put this into objective. Why do I feel guarded? I’m creating that.
ELIAS: Very well, and what is your response to your question?
SEALE: Knowing what I know now, it’s probably because I’m not trusting myself to create what I really want to create.
ELIAS: Correct. What do you want to express?
ELIAS: This is the point. In this one scenario, in this one example, what do you want to express? You want to express openness — you are correct — and the freedom to engage an interaction that is preferable to you and enjoyable to you. In this, in relation to this other individual, you express a guardedness, for you concern yourself with approval.
Remember, that which you project outwardly to other individuals is a reflection of some aspect of an expression that you are generating within yourself. Therefore, you are seeking your own approval of yourself to allow yourself to express that freedom and openness. But you continue to generate doubt in relation to your ability to be expressing freely and to be expressing vulnerability and exposure, incorporating the fear in association with how that shall be perceived by other individuals. It shall be perceived by other individuals quite similarly to the manner that you perceive it.
Therefore, if you are trusting and accepting of yourself and your choices and your expressions, other individuals shall be also, for they shall reflect your expression. If you are doubtful and concerning yourself and expressing to yourself that other individuals may think that you are odd for you choose to be engaging conversation with myself, this is your doubt of yourself. You are projecting that outwardly and you are reflecting it back to yourself through the expressions of other individuals, that you may clearly view your own projection.
In this, you have provided yourself with an example, which you do quite often, and this is what I am expressing to you to pay attention to — what you term to be brief encounters, small interactions, but that contain significant information and communications to yourself. This one brief interruption in our conversation in which you turned your attention to the other individual, you immediately changed your energy, projected a protective block, a resistance and an apprehension, a guardedness. (Pause)
SEALE: I recognize that. I know it’s happening because I feel it and I’ve seen it.
ELIAS: The other individual in that moment is not generating any threat. The other individual is not expressing a behavior that is intrusive or threatening to you. You generate that energy in anticipation of what may be. This is what I have expressed to you previously with regard to not concerning yourself with the choices of other individuals. This is not to say that you shall not incorporate caring — that is different — but not to be concerning yourself with other individuals’ choices.
You may incorporate different preferences and it matters not. Difference in itself is not threatening. It is what you generate in association with the difference that generates the threat, but this is generated entirely within your individual perception, not necessarily in association with the projection of another individual. There is no rule within your dimension that expresses that you all must be the same in your preferences and in your directions and in your associations with your opinions.
SEALE: Oh, yeah, and I wouldn’t like it then, anyway. I already know that for sure, because then it would be boring — no challenge and no excitement of difference. Because I really do like it, even though sometimes it does still threaten me.
ELIAS: But you designate that some differences are acceptable and other differences are not. You separate, and you express that there are some expressions that are important and some that are not. Therefore in those that are not, you allow for difference. But those that you deem to be important, there is much less of an allowance for difference.
SEALE: I thought I was in a relationship with Ed to experience different aspects of relationships that I haven’t experienced before and also to experience that it is possible to be in a working relationship and still have an intimate relation with somebody, that it’s a myth about you can’t be working together and in an intimate relationship, and helping me to see how I am projecting whatever. On his part, it’s him widening to look at different aspects of himself he’s never looked at before.
ELIAS: But this is not your concern. You are correct, but this is your snare, continuing to concern yourself with his aspect of what HE is generating in the relationship, and this is not your concern.
SEALE: I know that it’s keeping me away from where I want to go.
SEALE: At least now I’m more focused. I mean, I have been, and I know that I’m getting more focused on that aspect of it. But I think I just wanted to talk to you about that for validation, to make sure. Doubt, doubt, doubt!
ELIAS: (Laughs) You are moving. You are allowing yourself to generate this movement and incorporating more of an understanding in increments. But allow me to acknowledge you in this also, that movement in these types of increments allows you the opportunity to practice and not to overwhelm yourself.
Notice what you deem or you define as your small interactions, and allow yourself to practice with those expressions in allowing yourself that openness and the freedom to express you, not what you want from another individual, but allowing yourself to notice you and what you want to be openly expressing without limitation, and exposing of yourself.
Allow yourself to recall this example of this day and your interaction with the other individual in the interruption and your automatic response, and knowing that what you want to be expressing is simply the openness to be engaging what you are engaging, the ability to relax in your choice in acceptance of it, and to not incorporate that tension or apprehension that your choice may not be acceptable. It is acceptable to you, and this is what is important.
SEALE: I’ll do that. The last question — in terms of Emmers, I’m not any closer to that, although it’s on my mind.
ELIAS: Continue to focus your attention in the now and practice in relaxing your energy.
SEALE: I need to take some time and just sit, and I haven’t been doing that.
ELIAS: Allow yourself to relax, my friend, and in this also allow yourself an openness and do not incorporate the rigidity of expression that you shall create this in merely one manner. There are many manners in which you may create, not merely one. But this shall be incorporated in allowing yourself to relax and to be open.
SEALE: We better go because the time’s up now. It was so good talking with you again. I hope I can talk to you sooner than the timeframe that went by before, because I missed you.
ELIAS: I shall be anticipating our next meeting, my friend. I offer to you encouragement and supportiveness, and express to you in affection and lovingness, au revoir, my friend.
SEALE: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 12:24 PM.
(1) Sherry Y. (Seale) legally changed her name to Seale.
©2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.