Openness and Vulnerability
"Openness and Vulnerability, and Being Taken Advantage Of"
"Exercise: Expressing Freely"
Saturday, July 13, 2002 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Joanne (Saraan)
Elias arrives at 1:24 PM. (Arrival time is 20 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
JOANNE: Hi, Elias. How are you today?
ELIAS: As always, and yourself?
JOANNE: I'm pretty good. I'd like to start today's session with a few more statistics, if that's all right with you.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOANNE: My sister Kathy, I'd like to know essence name, family and alignment, orientation, focus type, and number of focuses. (Pause)
ELIAS: Essence name, Vye, V-Y-E (VIE). And your impression?
JOANNE: I'm going to say Tumold/Sumari.
JOANNE: Orientation is probably common.
JOANNE: Focus type, emotional.
JOANNE: I don't know number of focuses.
ELIAS: Total numbering of focuses in this physical dimension, 964.
JOANNE: My nephew Ben? (Pause)
ELIAS: Essence name, Aljand, A-L-J-A-N-D (AL hand). Impression?
JOANNE: Oh, he's too little. (Elias chuckles) I don't know. I don't spend enough time with him. He's far away.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Essence family, Sumari; alignment, Ilda; focus type, emotional.
ELIAS: Orientation, common. Total numbering of focuses, 781.
JOANNE: My sister-in-law, Julie? (Pause)
ELIAS: Essence name, Jessa, J-E-S-S-A.
JOANNE: I'm going to say she's Tumold/Borledim, or the other way around.
ELIAS: Borledim/Tumold. Orientation, common; focus type, emotional; total numbering of focuses, 516.
JOANNE: My nephew Connor?
ELIAS: Essence name, Wi-Lu, W-I hyphen L-U (WHY LOO).
JOANNE: I would say he might be ... Sumari is in there somewhere. I don't know the other.
ELIAS: Essence family, Vold; alignment, Sumari; orientation, common; focus type, emotional; total numbering of focuses, 496.
JOANNE: My friend John?
ELIAS: Essence name, Sean, S-E-A-N (SHAWN).
JOANNE: Probably Sumari/Ilda.
ELIAS: Correct. Orientation, common; focus type, political; total numbering of focuses, 1126.
JOANNE: One more - Brad, my boss. (Pause)
ELIAS: Essence name, Aillia, A-I-L-L-I-A (eye LEE ah).
JOANNE: I would say maybe Sumafi ... maybe not. Maybe Sumari/Ilda?
ELIAS: Sumafi/Ilda. Orientation, common; focus type, political; total numbering of focuses, 222.
JOANNE: I've been hoping to have contact with you, and I don't know whether I'm just not receiving it properly or not open to it. Is there some way that I can be more open to contact with you when we're not in session?
ELIAS: Yes, if you are relaxing your energy and allowing for a recognition of the interaction. For the most part, you are wishing for this interaction - which is occurring - but you are not objectively aware. For you are distracting yourself and generating a tension in association with your natural flow of energy, and this does create an interruption in which you may not necessarily allow yourself an objective awareness of my energy and interaction with you.
JOANNE: I was wondering if my focus - I'm not talking about focus as in presence; I'm talking about my focus, how I go about things in the world - becomes very narrow in a lot of instances. Maybe that's a negative connotation, but it sort of continues on with our previous discussion about what I'm creating in my work situation. A lot of things seem to be rolled up in a lot of confusion, and emotion is being built up in this area.
I'm a master of repeating things over and over. I won't call them mistakes, but I don't learn my lessons quickly at all; I do repeat. One of the things I am repeating is I give a lot of myself, I extend myself a lot, which leaves me open to manipulation, especially if I'm attracted to someone but even in a work situation. I'm always surprised by that, because I'm just sort of me and then people seem to devalue that giving in some way. I'd really like to understand what I'm creating here and why.
ELIAS: Very well. Let us examine this scenario. In one sense you generate an association that openness and vulnerability is good for it is noble; but in another sense you associate that openness and vulnerability is bad, for it offers an avenue in which you perceive that other individuals shall be manipulating or taking advantage.
Now; the key is to evaluate and objectively recognize what your genuine associations are and what motivates that, what are the beliefs that are influencing of your perception and of what you do.
Now; in this scenario, the identification of the good aspect of openness and vulnerability is a camouflage, for although there is an association that this type of expression is good, as I have stated, there is also an association that it is noble. This is the indication of camouflage, and this is the information that allows you to recognize that there is a camouflage action being expressed. For in actuality, there is a motivation of expectation which influences this choice to be projecting this openness or vulnerability.
In actuality, what motivates that action within you is your expectation that if you generate this type of expression, other individuals shall be more accepting of you or other individuals shall be recognizing your value and your worth. But you also generate an association with the belief that openness and vulnerability is bad, for as I have stated, it creates an avenue in which other individuals shall take advantage or manipulate.
It is valuable to you to understand your beliefs and how they influence your choices. For once recognizing what is influencing your choices and what you express, you may evaluate what other choices are available to you, and you may recognize what actions you are choosing which are influenced by discounting of yourself, and in what moments you are generating expectations.
The reason that you surprise yourself is that you are expressing conflicting beliefs; but in actuality they are not necessarily conflicting, for the one is merely a camouflage. The other is much more influencing. But this offers you information concerning yourself, in which you may turn your attention to you and you may inquire of yourself how you may offer your validation to yourself and therefore generate an acceptance of yourself and not seek this out in the expressions of other individuals.
As I have stated previously, you create what you concentrate upon, and your concentration is not expressed in thought. It is expressed in the dominating beliefs that are influencing of your perception. Therefore, you attempt to be expressing outwardly an openness, but you generate precisely what you concentrate upon in association with the dominant belief, which is if you are open and vulnerable, other individuals shall manipulate. But the other individuals are not manipulating. YOU are creating that, for you shall create in association with your beliefs and generate an outward manifestation of that to reflect what your beliefs are expressing.
This is actually purposeful, for it offers you the reflection and offers you the opportunity to actually physically view the reflection of what you are generating inwardly.
JOANNE: I find the situation - I'll use work because that's what I'm sort of absorbed in right now - very interesting because I'm creating different relationships with different people. There's one person that I guess I'm dealing with a personal attraction, that type of relationship. Another one is a very accepting relationship, where I will go and have interaction with this person and I feel totally accepted and totally wonderful afterwards. And then another person is exactly the opposite.
I find it confusing, and it comes down to the issue for me that I'm just too much, like we talked about me having a zealous nature and a passionate nature.
ELIAS: Let me offer to you information in association with this presentment, for the manner in which you are viewing it is quite black and white.
Now; this is what generates the confusion and the frustration. In actuality, what you are engaging is generating different types of interactions to allow yourself to become more familiar with your preferences and with what you want.
This is actually quite purposeful, my friend, for as you are aware, as we have spoken previously, at times you generate confusion in relation to identifying precisely what you want. You generate a general knowing of what you want, but in narrowing that to specifics it becomes less clear as to what you actually want precisely in association with relationships. For the most part you generate a clarity in association to your creativity or what you term to be your work, but in association with relationships there is less clarity.
Therefore you are offering yourself experiences, in a manner of speaking to be experimenting, allowing yourself to experience different types of interactions, which offers you information with regard to yourself and your preferences and the types of interactions that you may recognize that you dislike and those that you like, those that you prefer, those that you do not prefer, and in this familiarizing yourself with you more clearly, not necessarily to be generating a relationship with any of these individuals presently in intimacy, but rather offering yourself information which allows you to more clearly view yourself intimately, in which you may thusly apply that information in generating a relationship with another individual.
In actuality, my friend, I am acknowledging of your method, for it is quite efficient. You are generating an opportunity to physically view different types of interactions and evaluate a recognition of your individual preferences, which is quite efficient.
JOANNE: I'd like to target one of the relationships just so I can see some clarity, and that's with the president of the company. There is struggle there. I don't know if it's personality or ... I'm just not clear what I'm creating with him, but it's very uncomfortable. I love my work and I love what I do; I love the creating and I can just keep going. Where my interaction with one person may cause me to feel more motivated and keep going, as soon as I have a conversation with this person, I just feel like backing off and just saying no. You want to give as much as you can, because I do give a lot; I work hours that are incredible. I don't know whether he's affecting it, or as long as it's to his advantage... I don't know, I don't feel comfortable with that relationship at all. If nothing else, it causes me to be completely almost not wanting to go to work anymore, which is a huge change for me.
ELIAS: And what is the reflection?
JOANNE: I'm not clear what you're asking me.
ELIAS: There is a reflection, and you have expressed it in your explanation. You generate challenge and difficulty with this individual, for as you have stated, you do not express conflict with engaging many hours of work and concentrating much of your attention in association with your job.
Now; in this, you express that in interaction with some individuals your response is to be generating more motivation to continue creating what you do. But in relation to this one individual you experience conflict and a lack of motivation, and your identification of the reason is that you assess that this individual expects or perhaps even demands that you be generating this type of action.
Now; do you view the reflection within yourself? YOU demand this within yourself and YOU expect this within yourself, but you also, which is quite clearly associated with your previous question, generate an expectation of other individuals. You expect their appreciation and acknowledgment, for you are attempting to offer to yourself a validation and appreciation through the expressions of other individuals rather than offering that to yourself and therefore naturally generating that in the reflection of other individuals as a natural by-product of your own acceptance. Therefore, you present yourself with another reflection, that you may offer yourself information concerning what you are generating.
You are not offering yourself the acceptance and validation; you are seeking it from other individuals. You accept that from other individuals in the moments and scenarios in which you may offer that to yourself, and not consistently; but that is a manifestation of your expectation. You also present to yourself an individual that does not express that to you, but expresses to you a mirror of what you are generating within yourself. This creates what you may identify as an irritant to you, for this is the aspect of yourself that you are not allowing yourself to view.
But this is significant, for it is the direction in which you want to move, which we discussed previously. You want to move into an expression of freedom within yourself, which requires acceptance and trust and validating yourself rather than seeking this out as an acquisition from other individuals, for other individuals cannot actually offer this expression to you genuinely. It is your choice to be expressing that within yourself. And in this scenario, you have quite efficiently created an interaction with an individual that clearly mirrors you to you.
JOANNE: It's funny; I've got one extreme, another extreme, and someone in the middle. My impressions have been that the someone in the middle, who was a motivating factor for me for that type of attraction issue as well, I'm starting to get some of the negative feelings as well, the taking advantage.
Anyway, with the negative individual, how do I change that? I understand about acceptance of self - well, I understand the concept! Do I know how to apply it? Well, I'm working on that! (Elias laughs) Because my behavior's almost like, "Well, you know what? It doesn't matter." I hate feeling that way. I hate not having the passion about something, but that interaction causes the passion to just leave me.
ELIAS: No, YOU generate that. It is not the other individual that is creating that; YOU are creating that. Therefore, it is an opportunity to view what YOU are doing and offer yourself choice, for what you are generating in this scenario is denying your choice. You allow yourself this passion if the conditions are correct. You generate guidelines within yourself concerning conditions, and if the conditions are correct you shall express your passion. If they are not, you shall not. And you associate these conditions quite strongly with other individuals.
What you are essentially doing is crediting your reality and your choices and your abilities to other individuals: "If I generate certain conditions in relation to certain individuals based upon their personality and their energy expression and their acceptance, they shall allow me to freely express myself and my passion and my creativity." You have allowed the other individual to direct your choices and you have discounted yourself. You have credited the other individual with your expressions, and that actually discounts the other individual also. In like manner, you generate the same action in reverse: "Based upon the personality and expression of another individual, I credit that individual with sabotaging my motivation and murdering my passion."
Where are YOU steering your ship in all of these scenarios? It is quite clear how you are allowing other individuals to steer your ship into the open sea of freedom or colliding into enormous glaciers. But where are YOU steering your ship?
JOANNE: You're asking that question?
JOANNE: (Sighs) At the beginning of the relationship - I'm talking about the work relationship that's entwined with all these other relationships - I was experiencing huge freedom and huge passion in myself, and I was just creating this almost effortlessly. I was surprising myself at how much I could create and how much energy I have. Then I got scared and starting creating the complexities in these relationships.
Yesterday is a perfect example. I was in a meeting with three other men, and I'm the only female here. I realize I'm a strong female, though. I was very vocal. I was the most vocal one, and I was passionate and all of that stuff. I left the room, I came back in and I started being passionate again, and I could see not withdrawal but almost annoyance on their faces, and I backed off at that point. I thought, "Okay, I'm being too much."
I guess that's my fear coming into it. I'm not allowing myself a complete freedom, and that's what I'm reflecting in other people or other people are reflecting that back to me.
JOANNE: I want to stop that. It just feels like a ball and chain, and I've dragged it for most of my life. I've suppressed myself and my passion for most of my life. But I'm also afraid that if I let that loose, not only in work where I'm more able to do that, but even in personal relationships, that I'll intimidate people. In fact, I say that - I say that I intimidate people! I can't intimidate someone without their permission, but this is what I'm reflecting.
ELIAS: And this is what you continue to create, for this is what you believe. In this, you are concerning yourself with the other individual, NOT paying attention to you and not paying attention to your natural flow of energy, and doubting yourself, concerning yourself with how you shall be perceived by other individuals. You shall be perceived by other individuals in the manner in which you project, and if you are trusting of yourself, you shall be received in this manner. If you are doubting of yourself, you shall also create the perception of other individuals precisely as you have, in impatience or annoyance.
Now; in this, experiment. As you present yourself with your next scenario of this type, allow yourself to pay attention, notice. In the moment in which you notice that you are beginning to generate this type of reflection of impatience or annoyance or any of these negative associations as you term them to be - which you do notice quite immediately - once noticing, literally eliminate the other individuals from your perception. Pretend the other individuals do not exist. Therefore, you now are occupying the room alone and you may express whatever you choose in whatever manner you choose to express it - in tremendous passion, in enthusiasm, in a tremendous projection of energy - and it matters not, for there are no other individuals present to express judgment. Experiment!
JOANNE: That's wonderful. I will.
ELIAS: This may be a method in which you may allow yourself to move beyond that automatic response of altering your expression in association with fear and discounting yourself.
JOANNE: In the moment when that happens, what I end up doing is acknowledging their behavior or their response to me, and then I react to that.
ELIAS: You are acknowledging your PERCEPTION of their response to you, and reacting to that expression and altering your expression in association with that perception. But that perception is quite influenced by your beliefs and your discounting of yourself. Therefore, if you eliminate the other individuals, you also are choosing to not generate an automatic response. You are offering yourself a choice. You are not eliminating the belief, but you are choosing a different response.
JOANNE: So when I do that, then I would naturally flow. I wouldn't be pulling myself back or discounting of myself or laughing it off with them that I'm being too much or anything like that. I'd just continue on doing what I do.
ELIAS: Correct, and the more that you express your acceptance and trust of yourself and the lack of doubt of yourself, the more you reflect that. You shall reflect to yourself what you project. If you are discounting of yourself and you are not trusting, you shall reflect that in other individuals. In like manner, if you are trusting of yourself, this also shall be reflected in actual physical reality.
But I am quite understanding the familiarity of interaction with other individuals, and all of the beliefs and associations connected with that interaction and how influencing it may be. In that familiarity, many times it is quite difficult to not be reacting. Therefore if you are offering yourself an alternative, a manner in which you may shift your perception temporarily to one that is unfamiliar, you allow yourself different choices.
Therefore in moving AROUND the fear, recognizing that it is being expressed but allowing yourself to move around it in pretending that the other individuals do not exist temporarily, you may offer yourself a new freedom to express yourself, and this offers you a practice to be acknowledging of yourself, to be expressing freely, to not be creating limitations or obstacles, and to steer your own ship and not allow the other individuals to steer your ship.
JOANNE: So that will equate to, once my natural flow is flowing, I will create with however much passion and energy I have. When I'm tired I'll go home, when I'm motivated I'll work, and if someone says, "Great job!" or "Wow, I've really got you ratcheted up to do a good job!" or "You've got more work to do," it will just roll off.
ELIAS: Correct. Allow yourself to view what you have expressed. In the beginning you freely expressed; you experienced effortlessness; you allowed a free flow; you expressed a passion and a joyfulness in that passion. Subsequently you began to concern yourself with the perceptions of other individuals, and in that turn you move into the familiar of projecting your attention outside of yourself and allowing other individuals to dictate your choices rather than allowing yourself to generate your choices.
JOANNE: I guess that would lead into part of what I wanted to talk about, which was not being clear on my boundaries. If we're living in self, and I know we talk about it and the concept is wonderful, but in reality it's also very difficult to apply sometimes, or a lot of the time, and it takes a lot of practice.
Do we need boundaries? Do we need the ability to separate what is the other person and what is us?
ELIAS: No, for it is all you. And what is the expression of boundaries? Protection. And what shall you generate protection in relation to? Yourself? Why?
JOANNE: Well, the other person. But then, if we're creating it, then what we're inviting the other person to mirror back to us is...
ELIAS: Correct. Boundaries are unimportant and unnecessary, for it is an expression of protection, and the expression of protection implies that another individual incorporates the ability and the power to create some of your reality, and they do not.
JOANNE: It's starting to make sense. It's just practicing it that I need to practice! (Elias laughs)
Part of it is I also push. I guess as I become more accepting of self and trusting of self, that pushing and struggling may fall by the wayside. Is that related?
ELIAS: Yes, for it is unnecessary to push or to force. Merely allow, and you shall generate much more freedom.
JOANNE: I have one more relationship issue. I love to build with people, just bring them out and see them blossom. It's a wonderful experience for me. I'm realizing that I love being with people and I'm good with them, where I was questioning that before.
I am creating this in this work situation as well. I was doing that with an individual and then we had to lay him off. I intended to go and speak to him very humanely. It wasn't my decision to lay him off, but I have a managerial role there so he may have perceived that. But anyway, it severed the building of that relationship. I didn't have the noogies to go and talk to this person just like a person. I felt sad myself that he was laid off, and I didn't know how to handle that with him without wanting to fix his disappointment. I feel frustrated and I feel guilty, and I know guilt is useless. I feel sad and I regret not having done that.
ELIAS: And every moment is an opportunity for another choice.
JOANNE: But can I fix this? Or just let it go?
ELIAS: It is not a matter of fixing; it is a matter of offering yourself a choice. What do you want?
JOANNE: I wanted to be able to speak to this person as a human being and accept my compassion and open a dialogue.
ELIAS: And if this is what you want, offer yourself permission to generate that. One choice in one moment is not absolute and solid and unchangeable.
JOANNE: He's not there anymore, so... Well, that one I'm going to have to stew about for a bit, because it still doesn't sit well in my tummy, but we'll go from there.
We're pretty close to being out of time. I have one really quick question. Do I have a famous focus? (Pause)
JOANNE: I have several?
ELIAS: Yes, and you may be investigating and...
JOANNE: (Laughs) You're not going to tell me?
ELIAS: ...you may offer your impressions at our next meeting. (Laughs)
JOANNE: You cheeky fellow! (Elias chuckles) Can you tell me how many?
JOANNE: I guess that's where some of the passion comes from, right? (Elias chuckles)
It has been wonderful yet again, and thank you so much. I'm delighted by our interactions.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. I express to you as always tremendous affection, and continue to be encouraging and supportive. I shall be anticipating our next meeting. To you, my friend, au revoir.
JOANNE: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 2:24 PM.
©2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.