Wednesday, June 12, 2002 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Joanne (Saraan)
Elias arrives at 10:16 AM. (Arrival time is 20 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

JOANNE: Good morning, Elias. It's nice to see you - or hear you - again. (Elias laughs) I don't know, I get emotional whenever we start talking, so bear with me a bit. Maybe we should start with some statistics about other people in my life, if that's all right.

ELIAS: Very well.

JOANNE: I'd like to know the essence name, family, alignment, orientation, focus type and number of focuses for my mom. (Pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Alec, A-L-E-C. And your impression?

JOANNE: Borledim? And maybe Sumari - maybe.

ELIAS: Reverse.

JOANNE: Sumari/Borledim?

ELIAS: Yes.

JOANNE: Same as my brother. I think her orientation is soft.

ELIAS: Correct.

JOANNE: Focus type, emotional.

ELIAS: Yes.

JOANNE: And number of focuses, I have no idea.

ELIAS: Total numbering of focuses in this physical dimension, 826.

JOANNE: And my brother Wayne? (17-second pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Coccett, C-O-C-C-E-T-T (COCK et).

JOANNE: Family and alignment?

ELIAS: Impression?

JOANNE: I think there might be Gramada in there somewhere.

ELIAS: Alignment.

JOANNE: And Sumari?

ELIAS: Sumafi.

JOANNE: That makes sense.

ELIAS: Orientation, common.

JOANNE: Thought focus?

ELIAS: Political. Total numbering of focuses, 1164.

JOANNE: Oh, my! Busy fellow! (Both laugh) And my brother Randy?

ELIAS: Essence name, Kallen, K-A-L-L-E-N (CAL len).

JOANNE: Family and alignment? I don't have anything clear on him.

ELIAS: Essence family, Zuli; alignment, Vold; orientation, common.

JOANNE: Focus type?

ELIAS: Emotional. Total numbering of focuses, 737.

JOANNE: I'm just going to ask one final one today, my little niece Madison. (Pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Zinue, Z-I-N-U-E (ZEE noo). Essence family, Sumari; alignment, Ilda; orientation, common; focus type, emotional. Total numbering of focuses, 477.

JOANNE: I have so many questions for you, so I think I'll just start from the beginning and see how far we get.

Last time I was talking about body image, but this time I'm interested in talking to you about what I create regarding relationships, and I'm talking about intimate relationships. My impression is that I tend to be a builder of companies and I think relationships, too. I try to promote people and myself at the same time, like there's a give and take there. But there's a lot of confusion and disappointment with intimate relationships with men, and in my sexuality I choose to be heterosexual. I feel that I have a deep desire for a relationship, but I don't manifest that. I'd like to know why, or what I can do to work on that.

ELIAS: I may express to you, this is directly associated with our previous conversation. This is what you generate in association with your viewing of yourself and your image of yourself, associated with your beliefs and your perception in regard to your measure of your worth and your value.

You allow yourself a freedom of expression of yourself to an extent in what you manifest, as I expressed to you in our previous conversation, with relation to what you define as your employments or your jobs, and you allow yourself more of an expression of your intent in exploration of constructs, as we have discussed, in that type of expression than you do in association with intimacy in relationships. This is associated with vulnerability and exposure, as we have discussed.

Now; in allowing yourself to turn your attention to you and examine the expressions that you generate in discounting of yourself or attempting to express to yourself that you need to be better in certain projections, you may also offer yourself information concerning valuing yourself, recognizing the beliefs that are influencing of your action and expression of DE-valuing of yourself. As you offer yourself the freedom to express an acceptance of yourself without viewing yourself as not good enough yet, you shall also allow yourself to draw yourself to other individuals and generate a relationship which shall be satisfying. Are you understanding?

JOANNE: Yes. You hit it with "not good enough yet." That certainly hits home.

Now I feel like there has been some movement. We talked about work, and the owner of the company that I work for, I am very attracted to him. I feel like I, in that relationship, have made some movement in terms of my ability to feel comfortable with myself in his presence as a man that I am attracted to. He is married and I have a strongly held belief system - and I accept and I acknowledge the belief system and I am fine with it - that makes relationships with married people not possible, like I just don't want to go there. But that sort of leaves me feeling left out again, because I feel like I'm making some headway. Maybe I'm not! I don't know.

ELIAS: I may acknowledge to you your sense that you are moving in relation to this expression and allowing yourself to be acknowledging acceptance of yourself in increments.

Now; in this, you have generated a type of interaction with another individual and have provided yourself with what you may view as a safety net, for you are aware of the beliefs that you hold in association with this type of a relationship. But allow yourself to view, my friend, that in addressing to expressions of fear and discounting of one's self, individuals generally do not merely allow themselves information and express to themselves, "Ah, yes. I am discounting of myself and I am not incorporating a measure of worth of myself, and I now recognize this and I shall in this moment immediately alter that perception, value myself, and all within my focus shall be excellent!" This is not to say that you may not generate this, but generally speaking individuals do not.

You move in processes and you move in increments and steps, and in those steps and increments you create different expressions that allow you to validate yourself and allow you to objectively view your accomplishment or your movement, so to speak. But you also temporarily continue to generate certain expressions of protection of yourself in association with your generation of fear.

Therefore, in this situation you have allowed yourself to acknowledge to yourself an expression of worth, you have allowed yourself somewhat of a freedom to express yourself and what you want, and you also create this within an environment that you view to be safe and which allows you to practice and experiment with your own allowance of yourself without overwhelming yourself and generating more fear or more of a reinforcement of your automatic discounting of yourself.

Therefore, I may express to you that your choices in this situation are not without purpose or benefit, for it does allow you the opportunity to practice trusting yourself and expressing yourself, which generates a familiarity and reinforces an expression of trust in the now of yourself, which also dissipates some of the intensity of your expression of continually projecting your attention futurely and generating the expectation that you may be better in the future and allow yourself to express yourself better in the future than you do now.

Therefore, I am acknowledging of you and express to you, do not ensnare yourself in this scenario in the action of discounting yourself, once again, that you have chosen to be presenting yourself with a relationship with an individual that you recognize you incorporate strong beliefs associated with the positions. It matters not. This does not devalue the movement that you are generating.

Let me express to you, many, many times individuals may be generating certain expressions and movements that appear initially to you to be confusing, for you automatically express to yourselves that this is not what you want. But in actuality, you are purposefully generating actions and choices that allow you to experiment and to practice moving yourself into a clearer acceptance and trust of yourself, and you are highly efficient, even without turning your attention to thought, in generating choices that quite precisely move your manifestations in a direction of accomplishment. Are you understanding?

JOANNE: Yes, and I feel that there is some movement. What ends up happening though is I have a taste of this new freedom, and for me to be comfortable with a man who is a very dynamic man objectively - probably subjectively, too - and be comfortable in a relationship with him is very new to me. I am acknowledging of myself and feel very good that I'm able to do this right now, at least with this person.

What ends up happening though is that my desire to have a relationship starts building, and then that's when I start going off on how alone I am or how long I've been alone in this physical dimension of time which we have here, and it has been a long time. So that makes me feel a little bit sad. That's why I was wondering what is blocking me from creating that, but I see that I'm on the road to creating it.

ELIAS: Yes.

Now; allow yourself the recognition that within the moments that you are expressing this disappointment or anxiety or this feeling of wanting to be generating more, allow yourself the recognition in those moments that you are generating two actions, and you are communicating those two actions to yourself and signaling yourself through the emotional communication.

The actions that you are generating are a projection of your attention both pastly and futurely, and not holding your attention in the now and allowing yourself to appreciate what you are generating now, and not allowing yourself, in a manner of speaking, to rest within the comfortableness of your choices now; the other expression that you are generating is a discounting of yourself, for your attention moves past in expressing to yourself, "I have not generated what I want for an extended time framework," and you move your attention thusly to the future in anticipation and discounting of yourself, doubting whether you may be generating that expression futurely. In this, you merely reinforce that familiar devaluing of yourself.

Now; as you notice that you are beginning to experience that feeling, allow yourself to move your attention intentionally to the now and allow yourself to acknowledge and appreciate what you are generating now. For what you generate now, and holding your attention in the now, allows you to create what you want in the future - for it is being created now. Therefore, understand that if you are discounting yourself in the now, you are affecting of and influencing of what you generate in the future, for you are creating the future now. Therefore also, if you are acknowledging of yourself and allowing yourself to appreciate the now and what you are generating, you shall also project that energy outwardly, and this is what you shall create futurely.

JOANNE: So when the desire wells up inside of me, I was thinking that that communication, that desire almost goes hand-in-hand with the discounting, as you term it, because then I realize that I don't have what I want to fill that desire. I think it's a circular argument I'm making here, because the fulfillment needs to come from within me, not from someone else.

ELIAS: Correct, and in this you may allow yourself to recognize that as you feel this desire, so to speak, this is your communication to yourself that in that moment you are expressing to yourself that you are lacking.

JOANNE: The desire I'm equating to lacking? I'm equating the emotional desire to...? Yes, I am, but desire in itself, the feeling of desire, isn't that a motivation? Isn't that how we fulfill our intents, to feel desire?

ELIAS: Yes, but in this situation that you are expressing, this is how you are moving this particular expression.

Actual desire is expressed subjectively, but it is translated into objective wants. I am merely incorporating the words that you are incorporating, acknowledging the intensity of your want. In this situation, in your expression of desire to yourself and to myself, this particular expression of desire, or what you define to be desire, is actually a communication to yourself that within that moment you are expressing to yourself a lack and that you are expressing to yourself in that moment the belief that you must be acquiring, that you shall acquire your validation and your appreciation from another individual through the creation of an intimate relationship with another individual. This is the communication which is associated with the signal that you are generating emotionally.

I may express to you, if you are actually wishing for specific mechanics in relation to these expressions that you generate, you are not actually expressing what you term to be a desire. You are expressing an emotional communication of disappointment, and you are translating that signal within thought as being an expression of tremendous desire. In actuality, it is a want that you generate objectively, and your thought process translates the intensity of that want into a term of "desire."

But in actuality, the ACTUAL communication and the actual signal that you are experiencing, the emotion that you are feeling, is not desire. It is an expression of disappointment, that you want to be generating this type of relationship and you are expressing to yourself that you are not, and this creates disappointment. Are you understanding?

JOANNE: That's absolutely perfect. I'm thinking as you were saying that that it's very easy for me to camouflage things, certainly with my thought processes, and it causes me to be confused. But I'm seeing now that it's an invitation, whenever I feel that desire, to actually recognize that desire for what it is, a feeling of disappointment. Because I always feel badly when I have the desire. You're right, it is a lack; I feel a lack. It's an opportunity for me to actually take a look and see what I have accomplished in this area, where I can actually be with a man that I am attracted to and feel comfortable, and just sort of focus on that and see where that leads me.

ELIAS: Correct, and move your attention to the now, for in the now you are generating choices that are offering you what you want.

JOANNE: In a way that I can handle it.

ELIAS: Correct, for you continue to generate an expression of fear, and in acknowledgment of that fear you are allowing yourself to generate choices in association with your wants regardless, which in increments, or in your terms step by step, is dissipating the fear and is generating more of a reinforcement of your trust of yourself, without moving yourself into an expression of overwhelming yourself. This is worthy of your acknowledgment of yourself.

JOANNE: I'm a little weak on the acknowledgment part, but I am getting better on that. I spent a lot of time focusing forward on where I'm going and how much I have to do. I spent very little time going, "Wow! Look how far I've come! Look at what I have accomplished!" and that's an important part that I'm working on developing more. It's important. (Elias laughs)

I want to carry this one step further, because it seems to be the very dynamic relationship right now in my life, or event, is my work. I created that; I was very almost purposeful in creating it. It's probably one of the single most events that I can say, "Wow, I was actually participating as I was creating it and seeing how it was being created." It was very interesting.

However, I tend to over-do and I am literally working 15-hour days, seven days a week, really, really, really working long and hard. Some part of me is questioning why I do that.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, this also is an opportunity for you to examine the influence of your beliefs and allow yourself to genuinely recognize your natural flow of energy and your preferences. Your beliefs are expressing an influence to you that this type of action is excessive, and therefore you generate a judgment upon yourself in association with excessiveness.

Now; let me also express to you that you generate a natural expression within your energy of zealousness. This is a natural expression within your focus. Other individuals within their perception and the difference of their natural flow of energy and their personality expressions may view this type of movement to be excessive. Within mass beliefs there are guidelines and expressions of appropriate and normal behaviors, but these are quite limiting. You all are addressing to beliefs, which also incorporate mass beliefs.

This is the reason that it is important to familiarize yourself in an intimate fashion with yourself, allowing yourself to know you and know within yourself what is natural in your flow of energy and what your preferences are. And as you become familiar with yourself in these expressions, you allow yourself more of an acceptance, for you recognize the beliefs that influence you to be generating judgments concerning yourself.

Now; I may express to you a recognition of your energy, and identify to you that you naturally express in your flow of energy a zealousness in association with your intent in constructs, and this generates a natural curiosity, a natural expression of motivation within your energy. You also generate an expression of preference that once you are engaging yourself in any particular project that you are directing your attention within, you prefer to be absorbing yourself in that project to the point that you cease your interest. But within the time framework that you continue to generate the interest objectively, your preference is to be, in your terms, immersing yourself within the creation of your project. Are you understanding?

JOANNE: Yes.

ELIAS: This is not bad. This is merely a natural flow of your energy. You generate some expression of conflict with this expression, for you also incorporate associations and alignments with mass beliefs that express that this is excessive.

JOANNE: (Sighs) My dear friend Steffano, he wrote me one day and he said, "I'll tell you not to work too hard, but I have a feeling you really like working hard." It made me feel so free, because you know what? He's absolutely right! I do, I love it! Right now, though, sometimes I feel physically I over-do it, so I'm not clear on my boundaries. Like when I'm past tired, I'm still going! (Laughs) This may lead into the next part. Part of the question that I have for you is about the boundaries in this area.

The other part is how to allow my energy to flow more easily, because I feel like there are two parts of me. There's an outward moving force - it's almost uncontainable, that zealousness that you're talking about - and I've been blocking it for a lot of my life. But now I'm trying to give myself the freedom to let it go, and if someone's intimidated by that then they can choose not to be around it. But I also feel a very inward pressing force, and sometimes I feel as if I have to put up the barriers to protect myself from that inward pressing force, and that can be exhausting for me in my physical form. Does that make sense?

ELIAS: Yes, for you are moving into an expression of allowing yourself new freedoms, allowing yourself to express what you want, and an allowance of your natural expression of energy. But this also you are viewing objectively and you are beginning to recognize the powerfulness of your energy. This also generates an aspect of fear, for it is unfamiliar. In this, in similar manner to what you project in protection of yourself in relation to your interactions with other individuals, you also generate, as you have stated, an expression of protection of yourself concerning yourself, for this is unfamiliar also.

Let me express to you, my friend, you are allowing yourself tremendous movement in new allowances of your own freedom. At times, you may somewhat overwhelm yourself and therefore you project this shield of energy, so to speak, even in relation to yourself. But recognize that as you continue to hold your attention in the now and acknowledge yourself and objectively realize your choices - not that you should be or have to be creating ANY type of expression, but that you choose to be for this is your preference and this is what you want, and that in actuality there is no limit to your energy - you shall allow yourself to dissipate this fatigue and also the fear of not incorporating enough energy or enough time or enough movement, and this shall generate much more of an ease in your energy and your expressions.

This term of "enough" is quite strongly expressed within your energy, not incorporating enough and continuously striving to create enough, to be enough, to acquire enough. You already incorporate all of this, my friend. It is merely a question of acknowledgment.

JOANNE: This "enough" expression is another form of discounting?

ELIAS: Yes, for it is a projection. In this, you are not adequate now and you must be continuing to express expectations in relation to yourself to strive to be adequate - but you already are.

JOANNE: So I think I'm getting my natural zealousness and it feels just so good to say that. Because I am, I'm larger than life in so many ways! (Elias laughs) Allow that energy just to flow! When I incorporate that zealousness with the not enough, that's when I start feeling the lack of energy.

ELIAS: Yes.

JOANNE: That's when the boundaries start coming up and I'm confusing things.

ELIAS: Correct, and I may express to you, there are no boundaries.

JOANNE: So if I choose to work 24 hours a day and I'm absolutely enjoying it - and I tell you, I have the energy to do it - then that's just fine.

ELIAS: Correct. This is your choice and this is an allowance of your preference.

JOANNE: Part of me was saying, okay, I'm allowing this preference, but how does that go along with the desire to have a relationship? (Laughing) But I think it's all ... I don't know. That's where it starts getting confusing, where I think I'm using work to hide behind instead of creating relationships. You know what I mean?

ELIAS: Not necessarily. All of your expressions move together. In this, it is all purposeful in allowing you to familiarize yourself with you and your preferences and your natural flow of energy, and allowing you to acknowledge yourself. At times you move your attention singularly in one direction of expressions to allow yourself not to overwhelm yourself and allow yourself to generate a noticing and an acknowledgment of your accomplishments in one direction and dissipate fear. You may be expressing more of a challenge in a different direction, and in allowing yourself to be acknowledging of yourself in the direction of your employment, you also offer yourself a reinforcement in the direction of the relationships. It all moves together.

Therefore, as you acknowledge to yourself your powerfulness and your accomplishment and your allowance in one direction, you also eventually shall express to yourself the acknowledgment that if you are accomplishing in one direction you may be accomplishing in ALL directions. It is, in a manner of speaking, an opportunity for you yourself to present an example to yourself from yourself. (Chuckles)

JOANNE: (Laughs) That was clear!

So in talking about this and in being orientation soft and thought focused and Sumafi/Sumari, that's a very interesting combination. Where does will come into play here? I have a hard time knowing when to push and when to back down.

ELIAS: I may express to you, it is unnecessary to push. Pushing is a forcing of energy. Allowing your energy in its natural flow, which is quite zealous, shall allow you to accomplish with ease. It is unnecessary for any individual to be forcing energy.

JOANNE: Where does will come in? Or willpower?

ELIAS: Ah! This is associated with psychological beliefs, that you generate a power of will through thought and this shall generate a creation. This is associated with psychological beliefs in association with thought and that thought creates reality, and it does not.

JOANNE: I have a very strong will. I've been told that many times and I know that. In hearing what you're saying then, things happen in spite of my will.

ELIAS: It is a strength of energy and a strength of directedness, not necessarily what you term to be will. For in your incorporation of your definition of this term of "will," this is associated with thought. This is the reason that you may express to yourself that you may incorporate a strength in will but you do not always generate physically what you will to create, for thought does not create your reality.

In a manner of speaking, this is associated with psychological beliefs concerning the mind, which is associated with the physical brain. The association with the mind is that thought is all powerful, and if you are directing your thought in intensity and will and attempt to be expressing mind over matter, so to speak, you shall create what you want, which also moves quite similarly in association with psychological beliefs expressing the power of positive thinking. I may express to you quite definitely, these are beliefs, and in actuality, in viewing the reality of thought as the mechanism that it is, these types of beliefs are ludicrous for thought does not create reality.

JOANNE: But thought is important at some level.

ELIAS: Thought is a continuous action which is occurring within your physical manifestation. In like manner to the physical functions of your physical body consciousness, such as your breathing or the pumping of your heart, which is continuously occurring throughout your physical manifestation as a function of your objective expression, thought is also. It is a continuous function which is occurring. You may or may not be moving your attention to it and noticing it within every moment, but it is continuously occurring and functioning.

Its function is to be translating and interpreting objectively all of your communications that you offer to yourself through all of the avenues of communication that you incorporate: through your body consciousness, through impressions, impulses, inner senses, outer senses, emotion. Any avenue of communication that you offer to yourself is translated objectively through thought. Thought is an objective mechanism.

JOANNE: And it's filtered through our belief systems.

ELIAS: It is INFLUENCED by your beliefs, yes.

JOANNE: So in my case here, when we talk about will, I may be confusing will with my natural zealousness?

ELIAS: Yes.

JOANNE: Well, that makes sense. So just accept my zealousness - I really am starting to glory in that. (Elias laughs)

I think we're pretty much out of time. It goes fast! (Elias chuckles) I will be chatting with you again in a couple of weeks.

ELIAS: Very well.

JOANNE: Thank you so much! It's always such a loving experience to hear your words and feel your energy.

ELIAS: I shall be continuing to offer my energy to you in encouragement and supportiveness in the interim until our next meeting, my friend. As always, I offer to you my tremendous affection, and express to you this morning lovingly, au revoir.

JOANNE: Au revoir, Elias. Take care.

Elias departs at 11:18 AM.

©2004 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.