Accepting a Loved One’s Choice to Disengage
"Accepting a Loved One's Choice to Disengage"
"Movement into Genuine Acceptance"
Sunday, November 4, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Georgia (Jacob)
Elias arrives at 2:15 PM. (Arrival time is 23 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
GEORGIA: Good day! It's good to hear from you again! (Elias laughs) It's great, in fact! You know, I keep trying to get with you, and something always happens and it comes later, but it's for good reasons. (Laughs) So, yes, something important came up that I would like to talk to you about.
But first, before I get into what I call my serious things, I want to know, I think I'm emotional or thinking in my - I don't know what you call it - the way I process things? I'm not sure. Which one am I?
ELIAS: Emotional focus.
GEORGIA: Okay, most people are. That's me. Okay, great! I was wondering, because sometimes I can think about things, set myself apart from it, and see it from more than one perspective. So I was wondering, like I can understand - as long as I'm not involved in it - other people's viewpoints, and be a good arbitrator or something like that. (Elias laughs) But I sure can't do it for myself! When I'm involved in something, I'm totally emotional, yes! Thank you.
I wanted to find out for my grandchildren, because I forgot to ask that, I want their orientations. Like for Joey, what is his orientation?
GEORGIA: Common. Are all of them common? (Pause)
GEORGIA: Okay, even Elizabeth?
GEORGIA: Great! You were going to tell me ... Elizabeth is about five or six weeks old now. Has she chosen her alignment yet? (Pause)
ELIAS: Alignment, Sumari.
GEORGIA: Oh, wonderful! Great, like her aunt!
My husband went to the doctor the other day, and we found out he had emphysema. I know he's been working to transition, hasn't he?
GEORGIA: Yes, right. And he's ... I find it hard, myself. (Emotionally) I'm trying very hard to accept what he's doing, with the smoking and stuff like that, and I put that in there for other people who are going to read this. But at the same time I'm trying to accept it and tell myself that it's his choice and it's okay. I think I'm slowly getting there, but sometimes I still feel very sad and very angry, and I want to jump on him and say "Stop, stop!" and then I realize that's not what you do. (Elias chuckles) I don't want him to die right now or anything like that, yet at the same time I want to be accepting of what he's doing, and it's very hard for me.
ELIAS: And once again, this is another opportunity to be turning your attention to self, for regardless of what he is choosing in the method, so to speak, to be moving himself into disengagement, it matters not. For let me express to you my friend, even if you held the ability to alter this dis-ease, so to speak, it would matter not, for the individual is creating a particular direction in his movement, and therefore if one avenue is diverted, another avenue will be engaged.
GEORGIA: Oh, yes, I know, I know. I'm trying very hard to just pay attention to what I'm doing and let him do his thing, and yet I find it hard because I do care. I don't want him to ... in my point of view, in my opinion, it's a very hard death, because you drown slowly. I find that very sad, but at the same time I know it's his choice, and he might not choose to go on that long, anyway. He could choose another way. But whatever choice he makes, I'm trying very hard to just go and be myself, and at the same time be here with him and say, "Hey, it's okay." But it's hard.
ELIAS: The reason that you experience difficulty, my friend, is that you are expressing certain issues to yourself, certain beliefs that are quite challenging. For you express a love for this individual, and in this the individual is creating choices that you hold strong beliefs concerning, that you are not choosing within your experience, and therefore your understanding objectively of the other individual's choice to be creating this type of expression is quite limited.
But also you are offering to yourself the opportunity to examine YOUR expressions concerning disengagement of another individual, the separation that you perceive and the discontinuation of interaction that you hold in fondness. This is a very strong veil of separation which has been created through your beliefs. It is a very strong mass belief, which creates more of an intensity of the affectingness of the beliefs in relation to individuals, that there is this tremendous separation which occurs in disengagement.
I am quite understanding that in this time framework, in relation to most individuals, it matters not how much I may reiterate that these are illusions of veils and that they are not necessary and that in shifting your perception you may continue to be interactive with the individual and not be experiencing this separation.
Within your physical dimension the beliefs are so strong that what I express to you appears inconsequential and of little value, for you create the reality in association with the beliefs, and you do create this tremendous veil of separation between yourselves continuing within physical focus and those that discontinue.
GEORGIA: You're right, we do; I know that. I comprehend what you're saying; I understand what you're saying. I even, at some level, know that what you're saying is true. I get frustrated because I can't comprehend how to relax that veil and let the people I love into my life again. I've lost people I love. I know they are still here, I know they know what's going on, and I know they're over there, too. They're not "over there" - everything is here right now, I know that - but still I have the limits to our vocabulary, I have the historic concepts and our ideas and beliefs to try to express what I'm trying to say. I understand what you're saying, and I am looking forward to the time when I can actually experience that. But right now I'm not there, and I find it very frustrating and sad because I'm not there yet.
ELIAS: I am understanding. I may also express to you that this veil of separation is being quite emphasized in this time framework to allow you each to examine its strength in your individual beliefs and also allow you the opportunity to genuinely address to this particular belief.
In this, I may express to you it matters not whether you are examining this expression of separation in relation to an individual disengaging or in relation to separations in relationships of any type, in physical separation of location or of intellectual separation or what you view as emotional separation. Any type of disengagement within the concept of any type of relationship, especially within this time framework, is exaggerated in the associations that you create through your perceptions, for you are addressing to this concept of separation and lack of separation and addressing to how you may be dropping these veils.
GEORGIA: Oh, okay! That explains a lot of the stuff that's going on, too, because, like you said, everything is so exaggerated right now. The way people are dying with AIDS for instance, or emphysema, or the WTC and Pentagon, is bringing us all to look at this, in a way.
GEORGIA: Yes. I see what you're saying there. You can't get away from it! (Both chuckle) Because I have definitely been doing that, and I'm not ... how can I say this? I feel that bond here now and I still have that veil continuously, tremendously, and yet I know that he's not really going anywhere, that once that's gone I can be with him. That's not really him, we're really one in the ultimate, and yet at the same time we're our unique selves. I'm looking forward to that in a way, to be with him again when he's himself. Well, he's himself now, but when he's the self he misses and wants to be, and he'll be that again. He'll realize who he really is. You know what I'm trying to say?
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: Yes, and I can just tell him, "I'm so happy now that you are who you really want to be, finally, again. Again? You always were! It's just you couldn't see it." Sometimes I can't see it either, but I KNOW what a beautiful person he really is. It's like my sister. I'm hung up on this edge again here, but it's the way I'm trying to explain it. I see him this way too, because I know he is.
One morning I was asleep and then she was there, but it wasn't her physically, it was her the way she really is. I've never seen anything so beautiful or awesome in my life! I was half asleep and I was seeing her, I don't know, her soul, her real self or at least an aspect of it, that allowed me to see more of her than I'd ever seen of anybody, including myself.
ELIAS: An expression of essence.
GEORGIA: Yes! It was beautiful, and she was what you would call simply an angel, right? That was the concept that most people would see. She was total love, total acceptance of me! And my sister on this side isn't that way. We always fight! (Laughing) But I could see who she really was, and that just told me that if she's that way, so are we. Everybody's that way.
ELIAS: You are correct.
GEORGIA: I try to hold that concept in my mind. Even people I don't like, they're really awesomely wonderful like you said, the most awesome things that we can imagine. I can see that, and I know he's the same way. I see him when he's [unintelligible] and I dislike him when we have a fight. (Elias laughs) I will miss him while this veil is here, I know it, and it makes me very sad. Yet at the same time I really do ... I hope I'm beginning to accept that his choice is okay. I think I do, sometimes. I think I've reached that point that this is okay because it's his choice, and I feel at peace with it. Then other times it just makes me so sad.
ELIAS: What you are expressing, my friend, is your sense of peace concerning the other individual's choice, and the reason that you experience sadness is a communication to yourself concerning what YOU are creating.
GEORGIA: Exactly! Yes, I know, I know it's what I'm doing that makes me sad.
ELIAS: Correct. For you are denying yourself choices and you are creating the expression of separation, and therefore you generate this emotional communication to yourself of sadness. You are not sad concerning the other individual's choice. You are sad concerning YOUR choices to be continuing in the expression of separation and denying yourself choices concerning your genuine ability to not be expressing this separation.
GEORGIA: How can I not experience this ... oh, I know, I just can accept that it's not a separation at all! (Laughs)
ELIAS: Correct! (Laughs)
GEORGIA: It's like, "How can I stop that?" And it's because it's not really happening. Is that what you mean?
GEORGIA: It's that separation is not really happening at all, it's just my perception that creates it.
ELIAS: Correct, but your perception does create reality.
GEORGIA: Oh, yes, I know, but that's where my perception is right now, and I need to try to just expand a little bit more and look at it a different way. (Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking. Ha ha ha!
GEORGIA: All right! Thank you! You're right, it's not really a separation; I know that. But at the same time I realize where I'm at right now, and sometimes I get there and I feel that it is. In fact, I'm there almost all the time right now, because I'm like, this is going to happen and it's going to whack me right between the eyes. I'm telling myself, "Don't go there, just live right now," and I find that hard to do sometimes, especially right now when I'm talking about it. I don't think about it all day or anything like that, and I try to live right now, which I'm not very good at, but I try. (Georgia laughs and then Elias laughs) I mean, my mind won't shut up, so it's hard for me to stay in the now. I find it extremely hard to stay in the now because I've trained my mind to plot the future.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: I'm trying to stop doing that. I'm trying to just say, "It's really nice right now; I really like the way it is. Let's enjoy it the way it is right now. (Elias chuckles) He's happy, I'm happy. Let's go for that for right now." And it works! I'm happy and he's happy.
GEORGIA: Because we're talking about it, I'm feeling sad right now. But most of the time he's so happy, and that makes me happy too. It helps me be happy too, because ... I am. I like where I'm living, I like ... you know, you were right. He wanted to get out of that assisted living, and he got out. (Both laugh) I had choices to make at the time, and my choice is the one that made ME feel the most comfortable, which was to live with him because otherwise I would not have been happy. I may admit it's a belief system, but that's the belief system, and it made me feel better, and it was no sacrifice whatsoever. I don't feel like I gave up anything to be with him, except maybe a little bit of aggravation, and I would have still been aggravated because I'd have been with him a lot. (Elias laughs) I'm happier now than I have been in a long time, and it's because of the choice I made.
GEORGIA: It was the best choice for me.
ELIAS: You are correct.
GEORGIA: I don't comprehend people who think I'm making a sacrifice, because it's NO sacrifice and they can't see that. I'm happy. How can that be a sacrifice?
ELIAS: It is not; it is a choice.
GEORGIA: That's right! It's a choice! I chose this because it's what I wanted, not because I had to do it. So that's not a sacrifice.
GEORGIA: But their view of reality's different than mine, so that's okay. I really am happy. I'm just totally amazed at how happy I am that we have this time together right now, that we can learn to love each other again and be together, and that's okay.
ELIAS: Very well.
ELIAS: I am acknowledging of you in recognizing that you are merely creating a choice. But you are creating a choice which you experience comfort within, for it is a choice in which you are also listening to you.
GEORGIA: Yes, because I did. I had choices that didn't make me feel comfortable and that wouldn't make me happy if I had done it. I chose the choice that would make me happy.
GEORGIA: At the same time it was the choice he wanted, which was fine.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: We've happily got the same choice together, so I'm glad about that. It's just ... well, let's get off of that now. Let's get on to something different; we don't have that much time to talk. I could talk to you all day but... (Elias laughs)
Sometimes I dream about The City, I think. I think it's The City. I'm wondering - and this one is really hilarious - I was with some people in a garden, and it was like a class but it wasn't really a class. I was standing there, telling them I thought ... there was a book there, and I was explaining something about the book. The title word had a "W" and at the end of it - I couldn't see the whole thing - it ended with a "C-T." I thought, "What is she doing out here with no computers, teaching the software Word Perfect?" But then she picked up the book - and it was me, right, I picked up the book - and I could see, because I was watching my dream too, that it wasn't Word Perfect, it was World Perfect. (Laughing) She was telling these people how to create a perfect world! I'm like, "Oh wonderful, like I know how to create a perfect world!" (Elias laughs) That one was fun, that one was hilarious. It had me laughing my head off.
But the other dream, I was in a very tall building that was shaped not like a pyramid per se but it still came to sort of like a ... it had slanted sides but they were curvy not pointed. Around the top edge was a big platform with no walls, and we were up in the clouds. It had beautiful tile work or bricks around it that made a pattern that I can't quite remember, because this was a long time ago. There were sort of semi-triangles on the bricks. They were really pretty colors like red and black and green - I mean yellow, not green. We could walk clear to the edge and look over and see, and we didn't have to be afraid we'd fall off. I knew if we did fall or if we did walk off the edge we wouldn't fall, we would just float down. It was really neat because we were up in the clouds.
I think those two dreams took place in The City, and I always go to the park; they're usually in the park. But that City thing was really so high, I mean you were right there with the clouds. It was wonderful!
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
GEORGIA: I like the World Perfect one, like I can tell people how to build a perfect world! (Elias laughs) That really, that one was funny! I don't remember much about what went on in either dream; it's just that it was beautiful on that building and I really loved that park. (Elias chuckles) It's the place I love to go; I go there all the time.
I have dreams about the shift, too, that tell me not to be afraid of what's going to happen. This one I had, I was standing on a field at an airport, an airbase, a military base, and there was a bomber there, a B-52. A meteor went right through the fuselage and set up a puff of dirt underneath it, and I'm thinking, "Oh, wow, if meteors are falling I need to go home." I started to go home, and I decided to walk. Big meteors were falling everywhere, but they weren't making any holes in the ground. They looked like fake rocks like they used to have in old-fashioned movies. They didn't look like real rocks when they hit the ground; they looked like they were made out of paper mache or something.
But they were huge, as tall as I am and as big around. I was looking at them and thinking I don't want one of those to fall on me, because even though they look fake, they're pretty heavy, I'm sure. One fell right in front of me, and then it started rolling toward me and I'm like, "Ah, I can't run anywhere!" And, you know, I thought, "I'm not going to be hurt." I stood still, and it rolled up to my toes and stopped. I'm like, "See, I was right, I didn't get hurt," but I still needed to go home, and I started walking home along the edge of a highway.
Now, where I used to live the highway would be up high and then the sidewalk would be down below; the little access road was a little bit lower than the freeway or the highway sometimes. I was walking on the access road or the little road below the freeway, and the meteors were running down the highway, and I'm like, "I need to get home." But I looked up and I saw that the meteors were keeping pace with me, and I'm like, "What are they doing? It looks like they are following me." I turned and stopped, and they turned and rolled down the hill and stopped right at my feet again. I said, "Well, they're telling me I don't have anything to be afraid of, but I'm still scared. I'm going to go home and make sure my family's okay."
Next thing I'm at the house where I was as a child, and a man opens the door ... I think I told you this dream before, I don't know, but I've still got to tell it because it's got to be something important to me. It wasn't my house anymore, it was like a rental, and I'm like, "Gee, my goodness, what's going on?" I'm at this house and I'm thinking I'm supposed to be here, but then a meteor falls right at my feet and breaks to pieces - not big pieces, some of them are pretty big and some of them are pretty small. I bent down and I started picking up all the pieces of the meteor because they were very important.
There were crystals inside, and they're all rosy colored. They're like light rose down to blue, and then they go back to a deep rose as they go deeper into the crystal. I pick up everything I can find, and I said, "I've got to get this and keep this, because it is very important." That's where the dream ends.
The important thing in the dream, I think, was that I didn't have to be afraid about all of the stuff that's going on. I know that part, that even though chaos is going to go on I don't have anything to be afraid of really, even though things that are scary might be happening around me or in me that I don't understand, but I don't have to be frightened about it. The second is the crystal. I felt like it was ME - you know, not just something outside of me but part of me, and it was very important. What does this crystal ... the crystal is what really fascinates me.
ELIAS: I may express to you, you are correct in your assessment that this dream imagery is concerning movement in this shift in consciousness. In this, you present yourself with these meteors that continue to surround you but are not hurtful to you, for you are expressing a trust within yourself concerning your abilities to be recognizing of them and to not allow them to be affecting of you outside of your objective choices. The meteors are your symbolization to yourself concerning beliefs.
In this, as I have stated, beliefs are not being eliminated in this shift in consciousness; they are being accepted. Therefore they continue to exist, but in the acceptance of them and the acknowledgment of their existence, so to speak, you also discontinue automatic responses in relation to your beliefs and allow yourself freedom to choose concerning your beliefs. In trusting your ability to accomplish this action, what you have created is, in a manner of speaking, the neutralization of them, which you imaged to yourself in the manner that as any of these meteors approaches you, it stops directly before you but is not creating a hurtful or what you may term to be damaging effect in relation to you.
Now; as you also encounter one of these meteors and it opens and you view these crystals within it, this is your imagery to yourself in recognizing that you ARE what has created these beliefs. Therefore you are, in a manner of speaking, symbolically within the center of them. Your association with these crystals, that they were you and therefore important, is quite accurate in translation of this imagery. For, in actuality, this IS the expression of you, to be appreciated in the recognition of it, that although all of these expressions appear to be outside of you, they ARE you. Therefore, you allow yourself imagery to present to yourself the wondrousness of what you are in your symbology.
GEORGIA: Oh, thank you. I just knew, but I didn't get it that way. I just knew it was me.
GEORGIA: I just knew that I had to get it all up and take it with me, because it was me. (Elias chuckles) I found it was a very interesting and involved dream.
We're talking about beliefs now, and I know most of us who are involved with you are realizing just how conflicting our beliefs are. We have a very strong belief that every human being is worthy and wonderful and glorious, and then you turn around and you realize that somewhere deep inside you, you know that you're better than that guy over there, because he's different. (Elias chuckles) You find yourself realizing that that little kernel is there, and it's like, "I didn't know I believed that!"
GEORGIA: I've known it so long, and it's like, "Where did that come from?"
ELIAS: And I may express to you, my friend, this is an aspect of the point of your creation of these mass events, to be emphasizing these aspects of beliefs to each individual, to offer yourselves individually the opportunity to recognize objectively that you indeed DO associate with these beliefs.
GEORGIA: Yes, and I've recognized that for a long time. It was a surprise when I found it out, but when I did it was like, "Oh, yeah!" Lately I've been noticing all kinds of conflicting things inside me. It's a wonder we can even function! (Elias laughs) They're so hidden usually, and they're coming to light now.
GEORGIA: They're out there right for us to look at, and you think, "Ooooh, yuck!" because it's not really something you want - because you have other beliefs that are stronger that conflict with those, is what I'm trying to say. It's like I'd rather have this one, but it's not any better really than this one; they're just different.
GEORGIA: That's what I'm trying to tell myself; but at the same time I know which ones I like better. (Chuckles)
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: Right! So I'm trying to tell myself it's okay that I felt that way, it's okay to have that belief down inside you. I don't know where it came from, but it's there. I mean, on a conscious level right now I don't know where it came from, but I have it and that's okay. I just need to realize that it's there and, like the meteor, it doesn't have to affect what I do.
ELIAS: Correct, and this is movement into acceptance.
GEORGIA: Oh, good, I hope so. I'll be glad when I finally get there, the fact of just knowing that acceptance means that what you believe is okay, and then you have to change it. I know I got a little upset the last time we met when you said, "Well, you didn't have to make the chair," or words to that effect about I didn't have to reconfigure it, and I was like, "Damn! I thought I was doing so good!" (Laughs)
Then I realized, why am I upset? It's this thing that we have, we have all these conflicting things going on, and it's okay. But it's just knowing that we can, that people are going to eventually accept it, and that means me. That gives me the courage to keep going and to say I didn't have what I would call a good day today, but that's okay. I've been remembering things that I've heard and read and my own experience, and I can say that's okay, I can keep going, I can get through this and it's not important.
ELIAS: Correct. This is, my friend, actual movement into acceptance, for you are allowing yourself to recognize your choices, your beliefs, the influences expressed in relation to your experiences, and not expressing judgment concerning the expressions of your experiences but merely recognizing that they are your experiences and that they are choices, and [that] you may not express these choices in preference but you have chosen certain expressions and experiences within a particular time framework, and a recognition that you do hold the ability to generate other choices that may be expressions of your preference in another moment, and that it matters not. This is movement into genuine acceptance.
GEORGIA: Oh, thank you! That makes me feel better, because sometimes I do put judgments on them, but then when I realize that's what I'm doing...
GEORGIA: ...because that's one of the automatic things we do. (Elias laughs) I tell myself, "Well, that is being judgmental," and so I try to sit down and look at it. I say, "That's okay, you feel bad, and you think it's yucky." I tell myself, too, that it's okay to be judgmental right then.
ELIAS: And I shall incorporate your language in expressing to you, yes, right!
GEORGIA: (Laughing) Good, thank you!
ELIAS: For in this...
GEORGIA: At least I'm beginning to recognize sometimes...
GEORGIA: ...that I'm doing it. When I do it, I say, "That's what you're doing and it's okay, but is what that person did REALLY wrong?" And I say no, so I'm telling myself those things...
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: ...and it helps me get through my days better. I'm using the "better" in the way that ... I should say that it's more effective. I come out at the end of the day feeling happier.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and be remembering duplicity is also a belief system.
GEORGIA: Oh, I'm in there, I know I am! There are times I don't even realize I'm doing it. But when I do, I feel good because I recognized that moment and I realized what I was doing.
GEORGIA: It feels good that hey, I actually realized what I'm doing here! When we're here on this side and someone says something that doesn't agree with my beliefs, for instance, I want to jump in and say, "You're wrong." I know they're not wrong. I think I've stopped most of that, but not all of it. (Elias chuckles)
But I will say, "I see where you're coming from." If they're someone who has the choice to make right there of what they want to do, I will say - and they're my boss, for instance - I will say, "I will do what you want the way you want it done, but I want you to know that it will make me feel extremely uncomfortable doing it that way. But that's okay if that's what you want, that's fine, but I will feel really uncomfortable doing it, because this is the way I feel about it." I find that helps me, too, because I get to express my opinion to myself without denigrating their opinion of it. I honestly let them know how I feel about it.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
GEORGIA: Sometimes I want to say, "Oh, you're wrong," but I know they're not because they have a valid opinion, too. It's just that I like being right! (Elias cracks up) I like being smart, I like having the correct answer! You are always being taught that's the way to go. But at the same time, I'm beginning to realize now that I'm so old - and I'm not immortal - that everybody can be right and still have their own answer.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Quite correct!
GEORGIA: But I just really wanted to ... because of my husband I was ... the word "worried" is going on in my head, and I know that I don't have anything to worry about. But thank you for talking with me about it, thank you for helping me get my thoughts out where I could talk about them and my feelings. Because you always do it in such a joyful and positive way, it really helps. Thank you. I'm going to let you go now, unless you have something you want to share.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. And I express to you an acknowledgment of your movement in relation to recognizing your choices, for this holds great significance in allowing you much more of an expression of freedom. I may express to you, be remembering, worry is one of the expressions that is almost a waste of energy...
GEORGIA: Thank you.
ELIAS: ...for this action does not alter your choices or what you create. It merely reinforces a discounting of yourself in your abilities. Therefore, remind yourself that you are each creating perfectly within the moment in relation to your individual directions.
GEORGIA: Okay, I'll do that. Thank you.
ELIAS: Very well, my friend. I express, as always, tremendous affection to you and great encouragement in your challenges. Be remembering, be playful!
ELIAS: Very well. I express to you this day in great fondness, au revoir.
Elias departs at 3:07 PM.
(1) Refer to Session #804, 3/25/01-2.
©2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.