Fighting Communications from Self
”Fighting Communications from Self”
Saturday, October 13, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Letty (Castille)
Elias arrives at 12:11 PM. (Arrival time is 19 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
LETTY: Good morning Elias! Surprise! (Elias chuckles) Its not Cindel, its Castille!
ELIAS: (Laughing) And quite quickly, in your terms!
LETTY: Very! Well, I know you know this week has been traumatic all within inside me and around me. Actually the reason that Cindel brought it up first, that perhaps either you wanted to talk to me or I really wanted to talk to you, is all my little gadgets going off and going weird and not working how theyre supposed to. So, of course, I spent quite a bit of time talking to Mary, and I do know that I created these energy appliances because of the way I am directing my own energy. Im not sure I know how, if Im doing it my natural ... its just so that I can pay attention or ... I wish I could do this energy a little bit different!
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! But you have obtained your attention, have you not?
LETTY: Oh my god, yes! (Elias chuckles) Yes. And in this, one of my questions to you in this attention is also is it to distract again myself? This week since we talked I cannot stop thinking about Leezar. I do try to think about him and our experiences and our memories in a way also that is kind of putting me back to who am I? and paying attention to myself. What were my motivations, what are my motivations?
Somewhere down the line, Ive learned so much about myself within the last week about MY expectations. I used to judge him that he had all these expectations, but theyre all about MY expectations and not only necessarily on him but on myself. I love your affirmation, because Ive been repeating it a lot. The more I read and repeat it and say it to myself, I understand the differences of belief systems that we have about relationships and what we genuinely as essence are capable of. Can you comment on that?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Let me initially, Castille, address to one comment that you express that you wish you would be presenting imagery to yourself differently. For you become annoyed or distressed with what you are creating, but in actuality you are expressing what you wish to be expressing.
Now; you are also offering yourself an example of how easily you may be expressing extremes, and not coincidentally, you are creating this movement in the time framework in which mass events continue and the energy generated by these mass events, in a manner of speaking, lends energy to your individual expression, allowing you an ease of a movement to create extreme imagery to yourself to offer yourself a clearer opportunity to be paying attention and also to be discovering what you are communicating to yourself.
In like manner to the mass events, you are generating extremes in energy. You are also generating energy in a tremendous expression of power. I may express to you, (deliberately) I have not been interfering or playing with any of your electrical equipment. (Letty laughs) You...
LETTY: I did it all by myself!
ELIAS: Yes. You have generated this energy from within and have offered yourself an example of the powerfulness of your own expression as essence to be affecting of your actual physical environment, and the point in all that you have been generating is to be turning your attention to self.
Now; you have generated all of this movement and imagery in this time framework of this previous week quite purposefully in relation to your assimilation of our discussion.
LETTY: Yes, it was a very powerful session, Elias. Now in this assimilation, I mean I do acknowledge that I am not only understanding it, but theres some little bit that I still kind of fight in understanding. I had a few dreams with Leezar to validate where I genuinely stand. One of them was kind of interesting because Leezar was all tied up and I wanted to untangle him, and he said, No, Im playing a game. I hadnt picked it up until Cindel recognized that also my relationship to him has been of personal responsibility, and therefore again I want to go untie his uncomfortableness.
LETTY: But then it was very interesting, because last night I had one where he was with his two children shopping in Disneyland and we were ... and this is what confuses me or I dont know if Im reading more into it. I continued to see myself with him, but yet at the same time separate from him, and that were together in that place because we got together but yet hes doing his own thing and Im over here doing my own thing. Then, very interesting, there was a point where something happened to me. I dont quite remember exactly, other than I was sitting and then I started to shake physically very much, and then he came over and he was trying to ... I dont know if it was to necessarily help me, but trying to ease my uncomfortableness of being shaky. It was kind of a little bit weird.
So, I woke up, and this is the first time that I thought why am I still kind of ... I still see myself connected to him, but yet obviously its because our relationships changing in a way. Were still connected and we will always be, and theres that bleed-through of so much happening within us but at the same time of maybe not being together in this focus anymore.
ELIAS: Correct. You are offering yourself imagery but you are attempting to be translating that imagery in the familiar of literal terms. In this, what you are offering to yourself is the recognition that the connection does not cease to exist merely in your discontinuation of objective interaction. You are expressing a connection in essence which is YOU, and this continues; but you also incorporate the choice simultaneously to discontinue the objective physical interaction. In this you also present to yourself an interesting and significant aspect of imagery as you offer to yourself an expression of viewing how the other individual creates very similar expressions as yourself.
As I have expressed to you previously, you reflect to each other. It is not a reflection in one direction. Therefore you also create many expressions in association with very similar beliefs.
In this, you recognize in one aspect of your dream imagery that you are attempting to untie what binds him, and this is your recognition of your expression of personal responsibility concerning him. You also present imagery of yourself shaking and his expression of comfort or attempt to fix what you are expressing, which is your offering to yourself in recognition that you both incorporate personal responsibility and you both create very similar types of expressions in relation to each other.
LETTY: Yes, and I see thats kind of like the bond that through my belief systems I dont let go on an objective level.
ELIAS: Now; this is significant, for what is the reason that you do not let go, in your terms, of this familiarity? First of all, recognize that you present this imagery to yourself in a validation that you are not solely responsible for all of the interactions, therefore not to be chastising yourself and expressing tremendous discounting of yourself that you solely are creating expressions that are wrong but that the other individual also participates and is creating many expressions that are quite similar.
Now; in one aspect you are validating yourself to lessen your expression of discounting of yourself or harshness in judgment of yourself, but in another aspect you are also holding to the familiar for this offers you the justification within self to project an expression onto the other individual. If you are offering yourself justification, you also may continue to allow yourself the familiar projection of energy of blame and therefore not express responsibility for self.
LETTY: Well, I havent totally accepted that. (Pause) Okay, I understand that one.
ELIAS: Let me express to you, Castille, in tremendous encouragement, accepting responsibility for self offers you great freedom. Assuming personal responsibility for other individuals presents tremendous restriction. (Pause)
LETTY: Thats why I feel restricted in allowing the natural flow of energy to continue.
LETTY: Would this be having something to do ... last night also I had one of those three-episode dreams in the same night. Right after I dreamt with Leezar, my next dream was I was in a house with people, I dont remember who, but there was a sliding door and I happened to go outside and three men approached that were very, very frightening. At the moment I thought they wanted to, you know, in my dream, to harm us; they wanted to come in. Somehow I snuck into the door and was able to shut it and lock it before they could. But I was terrified, and at that moment I woke up.
ELIAS: And once again, this is your association with hurtfulness being expressed from outside of yourself, that other individuals are hurtful to you: you do not generate this, other individuals generate this, and therefore you are the victim. This quite correlates with your experience with Leezar, for as you have expressed to myself in our previous conversation recently, he has engaged choices that you perceive to be hurtful to you. BUT you are not accepting your communication in that expression of hurtfulness, and for the most part are not even accepting the signal.
LETTY: So I continue to give myself signals.
ELIAS: You offer yourself an extreme expression in energy and affect your equipment to gain your attention. If you are not paying attention to even the signal of your communication and you are expressing an importance of offering yourself this communication, therefore you shall express an affectingness of objective objects to gain your attention.
LETTY: Right now when I was talking to Mary she mentioned something, and I realized how I purposefully restricted myself from allowing my feelings to be expressed. Every time maybe I want to cry or I want to feel what I think may be even hurtfulness so that I can pay attention to myself, is this also part of my lack of acceptance of responsibility? I feel like a Catch-22.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
LETTY: I hadnt realized how much I was fighting those feelings and not allowing them.
ELIAS: You are fighting the communications. And what equipment have you engaged within this time framework of this week, Castille? Express an identification to me.
LETTY: Communication - my telephone, my laptop which is being able to write and send emails, my garage that opens the door so that I can move. It opens but doesnt close. My garbage disposal is kind of like a cleansing, is how I see it. So its all about me and the communication that Im not listening to.
LETTY: The garbage disposal, I see it as something that Im not watching myself in the sense that Im not paying attention to myself of this personal responsibility.
ELIAS: And also that you are attempting to eliminate.
LETTY: Yes, yes.
ELIAS: These are not accidents, my friend.
LETTY: I know. (Sighs) I know.
ELIAS: I may express to you, you are quite creative.
LETTY: Oh, yeah! (Elias laughs) Or so Im told! After the moment of frustration I realized how powerful I really am.
ELIAS: Quite! You have affected quite a number of objects of equipment within your individual environment, have you not?
LETTY: Oh, yes, in a small time framework. (Laughs with Elias)
Okay, Elias, help me with the last part of my dream. I was back in school in Arizona, and I was with friends that I currently work with, my familiar friends, Adriana, Rosario, Im not sure I think maybe even Cindel might have been there, but I went back to school. I have no idea what for, but it was kind of like being in the dorm and getting my key and checking in and going to meet people and wandering around.
Even though I was there, it really wasnt about quote/unquote study. I even was telling people, Well, I dont know what Im going to do, because I already have my degree. I have half a masters that I dont care to finish. But at the same time the subject came up of what about your debts, how are you going to pay if youre not making income. What I remember of the feeling in that dream was like it really matters not, but without worry, without concern. I was just there.
ELIAS: Correct, and this imagery is a communication to yourself concerning learning and that it may appear to you objectively that you are creating environments and experiences for the purpose of learning, but in actuality you are not. You are experiencing.
LETTY: I did say that to myself objectively a couple times this week. (Elias chuckles)
Now, you were talking to Daryl in a transcript many months ago that I just read very recently about a natural flow in energy. Ive been thinking a lot about that to try to see if I can assimilate that natural flow of energy, and I know from knowing that its the state of being totally relaxed. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Partially, yes.
LETTY: Whats the other part, Elias?
ELIAS: An expression of allowance.
LETTY: Allowance. I know I do that so well with so many things and I try to incorporate that feeling into whats going on right now, and I love to challenge myself. (Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: But this also is significant in paying attention to, for although you DO express that allowance and natural flow of energy quite easily in many expressions, what are you creating now? The denial of both.
LETTY: Yes, because I dont feel relaxed.
ELIAS: And you also are not creating an allowance; you are not creating an allowance of your own expressions.
LETTY: Why do I fight that? Would that be a crystal ball question?
ELIAS: For allowing these types of expressions and communications within yourself is associated within your beliefs as a lack of control and as a lack of strength.
LETTY: Yet I turn around and show my strength differently.
LETTY: I have a lot of assimilating of this stuff, then. (Elias chuckles) I see that as my core issue, where everything else just slows here.
LETTY: Okay. Thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
LETTY: I continue to have much homework in assimilation. (Elias chuckles) I do have a couple of questions for other people.
ELIAS: Very well.
LETTY: My friend Rosario, she stubbed her toe when we were in Miami many months ago, and she continues to have problems with it. Now, I know we talked about it being a communication to tell her something, and of course because of how I see her unhappy ... I mean, I can tell her whats wrong with her, but I know thats not the right way. But is there a core communication shes giving herself because of this? She has an unhappy marriage, an unhappy parent relationship, and no job. Its a little of everything, but I know its all connected.
ELIAS: You are correct. This communication is to be recognizing that energy is being accelerated in this time framework naturally en masse and by all individuals. In that movement, she is offering herself a communication to be, in manner of speaking, slowing her movement, allowing herself to turn and pay attention to self, for she is incorporating projecting attention outward in this acceleration and generating confusion and tension and anxiety, and in that, she has created this physical affectingness as a signal to turn her attention and slow her own expression of energy to offer herself an opportunity to pay attention to her own expressions rather than allowing herself to be swept away in the whirlwind of outside expressions.
LETTY: Thank you. My friend ... we hadnt seen each other for a long time, but my friend Virginia and I started ... well, shes attracted herself back to you and to your information. I gave her the website and some transcripts and everything, and we started to talk and she assimilates. Shes not quite ready to talk to you, but I was wondering if you could give me her essence name, family and orientation so that she could start beginning to see herself more.
ELIAS: Very well. Essence name, Potthier, P-O-T-T-H-I-E-R (PAWTH ee air). Essence family, Sumafi; alignment, Ilda; orientation, common.
LETTY: I knew she was common. And I know she and I have had various focuses together.
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
LETTY: I just havent figured them out.
Oh, my darling friend, super friend (Elias chuckles), you continue to hold me in your hand.
ELIAS: And travel with you.
LETTY: Yes, oh yes. I feel you everywhere. Im beginning to notice your presence more.
ELIAS: And this IS an expression of your allowance. NOW offer this to yourself, my friend.
LETTY: Allow to be me.
ELIAS: Yes, and it is a glorious expression.
LETTY: Yes. (Elias chuckles) Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome, my friend. As always, I offer great affection to you.
LETTY: Thank you.
ELIAS: And anticipate our next conversation.
LETTY: Me, too. Thank you.
ELIAS: To you this day, au revoir.
Elias departs at 12:48 PM.
(1) See , 11/9/00-2.
©2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.