Friday, September 28, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carmen (Tirza)
Elias arrives at 11:03 AM. (Arrival time is 23 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

CARMEN: Hi, Elias.

ELIAS: How shall we proceed?

CARMEN: My translations recently, through my duplicity and automatic responses, are often telling me that I’m not doing very well in this emergence. I’m still creating some extremely intense moments where the big dog howls and I allow myself to be completely overwhelmed by my emotional signals. I may get emotional communications that I am discounting myself, but many of these times I just don’t feel able to support myself by truly feeling my power and my worth.

But I am trying to see some movement in myself and, in this, am I correct that I am understanding better how the doing, the emotional, the thought translating and the automatic response aspects of me are functioning, and that this does represent some movement?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Okay. Now, I know that I am focusing on my employment situation. This has really been the trigger for a lot of the deeper beliefs that permeate my entire focus, so I do see that I am becoming aware of and practicing that what I’m doing in those areas will and does apply to my whole focus. But am I correct in believing that I do now accept that continuing my current job will give me both stability and opportunities for creative expansion, and also my belief that this is not what is blocking my manifestation of projects? Because when I am able to imagine the scenario, I get a very good feeling which I have interpreted as a subjective message that I do see this choice and that I also see and feel that it aligns with my intent, and these were things that I wasn’t seeing when all this started. Am I correct that I truly am seeing this choice?

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, my friend.

CARMEN: Good. I just want to make sure that I understand what we discussed two sessions ago, because I believe that it centrally relates to what I am creating now.

Am I correct that the main reason that I created my major client as manifesting an illness and also the abeyance in projects was my extreme frustration with my boredom and then my black and white translation of that boredom, that it meant I should be doing something completely different, because I wasn’t seeing the creative potential in what I was already doing?

ELIAS: Correct, and also that you were not allowing yourself the objective recognition that you in actuality were creating this situation.

CARMEN: So that was to bring my attention very clearly to that?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Okay, and that’s part of my more general emergence now, I’m thinking, because you mentioned that I’m moving into a place where I truly understand that imagination and perception creates reality, so that this whole event has been part of that, bringing my attention to that very, very strongly.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: The one instance of imagery that I allowed to completely derail me was a very large project that was cancelled, and not coincidentally, it was cancelled on the day of the events in New York City. In fact, I was so explicit in my imagery that I created my client as standing next to one of the towers when it was hit, so I do see that connection.

But I’ve been trying to figure out what in me ... not created the events in New York City, because I know that I am connected to that on a much broader basis, but I think if I look at the imagery that I created in relation to that it can also help me understand that event. But what I’m really interested in is more specifically to me, and that is, what in me eliminated that project, because objectively I felt like I really did want it. I’ve thought that it may have been caused by my fears that the project wouldn’t happen and possibly that I hadn’t yet accepted that I could combine the businessperson, the businesswoman, in me and the artist; in other words, that I could continue to keep doing what I do and expand creatively in it.

Knowing what I did is important to me, because I want to address the issue to prevent it from sabotaging me again. This was a couple of weeks ago, so maybe I have partially addressed the reason that I eliminated the project; but I am just so unsure of myself these days that I was wondering if you could validate or correct my impression. The event is still painful to think about, because I allowed it to be such a blow.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

Now; I may express to you that you are correct in your translation and your assessment of what you have created in this situation. I may also offer to you an additional aspect of information that you have not yet objectively offered to yourself in relation to this scenario, and why you have created this particular action and choice.

In this, you have presented yourself with an opportunity to examine yourself in relation to what you have already identified and in association with your skepticism of yourself to be efficiently creating success.

In the creation of success, you shall be acknowledging of yourself and trusting and accepting of yourself, but in sabotage of your movement in this scenario, what you have presented to yourself is a reflection to yourself in reinforcing your doubt of your ability to be creating what you have expressed: the balance and the combination of what you define as a businesswoman and your creative expression as an artist. As you doubt your ability, you also fear success, and in the fear of success you reinforce what you associate as the failure, for this reinforces your doubt concerning your ability to accomplish.

Now; let me also express to you, you are correct that you have created no coincidence in relation to this individual and their interaction with you and this mass event, for in actuality you also have created this scenario quite efficiently.

Now; allow yourself to recognize the efficiency and the benefit of choices, even as they initially appear to you to be negative or to be a lack of movement. For in this scenario, what you have offered to yourself is a recognition of your own expression of overwhelmingness, and in the recognition of that overwhelmingness, in this time framework you have chosen to not be incorporating a project of this proportion.

CARMEN: Yes, it was huge. It was a huge project.

ELIAS: Correct, and in this, this choosing aspect of you KNOWS your direction and is aware of what you are creating and experiencing in the moment and within time frameworks.

You are more familiar with yourself than you realize objectively, and in this you chose not to be creating this scenario in the recognition that within this time framework you are addressing to issues that in themselves at times are overwhelming, and in this, engaging this project would also be another overwhelming experience within your focus presently.

You are incorporating this time framework to be allowing yourself to focus upon self and address to trusting yourself and accepting yourself in turning your attention to self more fully and not allowing outside expressions to be influencing and affecting of you in what you may associate as disturbing or destructive manners. Are you following thus far?

CARMEN: Yes, I am. I did translate it as a total failure on my part. I just thought, "Well, I torpedoed myself again." So your telling me or bringing to my awareness that I actually did that for my benefit is very helpful, because I have been berating myself up one side and down the other for doing that.

ELIAS: Which is quite familiar to you.

CARMEN: Yes.

ELIAS: Which we continue to engage discussion concerning, that you may allow yourself avenues in which you may discontinue this type of automatic response that you generate within yourself.

CARMEN: Yes. Well, I feel that I am moving in that area at a snail’s pace, but I feel that at least I am becoming aware of the automatic responses.

ELIAS: Express to myself your assessment of your accomplishments in association with what you and I have discussed previously in allowing yourself to intentionally relax and hold your attention within the moment.

CARMEN: Well, one thing, when I do receive an intense emotional signal, which is usually when I am reminded to come back to the now ... although, I’m going to give myself a little bit more credit than that, because I genuinely, at least in the last few days, have made concerted efforts to be focusing on exactly what I am doing in the moment. Sometimes I’ll try to help myself by doing a running dialogue: "I am getting up. I am walking into the kitchen. I am picking up the cup," to try to help me do that. And every time I notice my attention projecting outward, I try to bring it back to myself and remind myself that this is about me and what I want, that I choose irrespective of anything else.

I still do have periods of the emotional signal comes that I am discounting myself as I do allow my thoughts to go to the future or even the past; I mean, the past can be just as derailing as the future. I do have intense emotional moments, but at least I’m telling myself that I am discounting myself, I’m not trusting my ability, and even though I can’t feel trust in myself, I feel at least I am identifying that I don’t need to get stuck in the emotion.

So let’s see if there’s anything else ... I’m much more attuned, I think, to my emotional signals when they begin to start up. It’s like, "Oh, my gosh, I don’t want to become overwhelmed, so try and relax," and sometimes I’m not successful, sometimes I go there anyway and feel like I disintegrate and go through the cycle again, but at least I think that I’m noticing...

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: ...my emotional signals more quickly.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: So I think all of these things may represent, DO represent some movement.

ELIAS: Yes. Now, my friend, I shall offer to you individually an exercise, and in this, I am expressing this to you quite specifically and quite genuinely, although initially it may appear to you as inconsequential or even initially silly. I suggest to you that you genuinely consider what I shall offer to you as an individual exercise that you may be incorporating.

My suggestion to you is to allow yourself to incorporate a physical action: blow bubbles.

CARMEN: (Laughs) Okay.

ELIAS: I am quite definite in what I am expressing to you and expressing to you quite purposefully. Incorporate bubbles and allow yourself an activity of blowing bubbles, and as you incorporate this activity, your exercise is to genuinely allow yourself, that creative artistic aspect of yourself, to look at these bubbles. Appreciate the colors, the perfectness of form, the beauty of their movement and the effortlessness of floating, and view yourself in each one. Allow yourself the lightness and the fun of incorporating this action, and see yourself as these bubbles.

CARMEN: That doesn’t seem silly to me, because one thing I’ve become aware of is that I really would like to see the beauty in everyday life. I know there’s more to that exercise than just noticing and appreciating what seem to be the small things, but I’ve really wanted to get that back. So I’m thinking that besides the seeing myself in the bubbles, in the lightness and the joy and the flowing and movement, it also can help me just appreciate what’s around me, if that makes any sense.

ELIAS: Correct, and this shall offer you an experience, a reincorporation of an experience of fun and appreciation, and this is the point of this exercise. You have moved yourself into such an extreme expression of seriousness that you have forgotten your experience of fun and appreciation in genuineness, and this experience in this exercise may be genuinely helpful to you in allowing you to rediscover your appreciation of all that you create within your physical focus, merely by reestablishing within yourself a reminder of the feeling of playfulness and fun in experience.

CARMEN: Am I correct that if I let go of some of the fears and duplicity, that my essence energy is naturally kind of, oh, I don’t know, not bouncy but playful? Maybe every essence’s energy is like that, I don’t know. But sometimes I’ve gotten the feeling that underneath all of this stuff is a really kind of upbeat, trippin’ down the streets of the city, that kind of thing. Am I correct in that?

ELIAS: Yes! But you have contained that expression of energy within yourself, in a manner of speaking in a locked safe, which you view as protective of it but in actuality it is held captive and is not protective.

CARMEN: For a lot of my focus, I’ve almost felt like a split personality. I know we have many, many aspects to us, but it’s like ... maybe that’s the big dog and the little dog battling. (Elias chuckles)

Back to my job, in the last session - and I did hear what you said about giving myself a break - but in my last session you validated that I was creating strong probabilities of a steady flow of projects during that now. Now, based on what you just said previously, it sounds to me like ... I was going to ask if I have completely torpedoed creating these probabilities, but it sounds to me from what you just previously explained that I haven’t, that I’m just kind of taking a break to allow myself to focus more on some of these issues.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: So I still am creating the probabilities, it’s just that they’re not showing up right now?

ELIAS: Correct, for you are allowing yourself a time framework in which you may practice what we have discussed previously in allowing yourself to relax and dissipate the tension within your energy which perpetuates your discounting of yourself through an expression of anxiety.

CARMEN: Then I can relax, knowing that I haven’t completely ... well, knowing that I have addressed some of the issues that threw me into this to begin with, and that I am moving through the process to allow myself to see these choices and to really be focusing on myself and some of these areas. That’s very helpful.

That relates to my next question, because the doing aspect of myself, of me, has continued to act in relation to other people in my profession. At times I’ve created imagery which in my automatic responses I’ve translated as dead ends, but I’ve been trying to tell myself - and I do feel that I do believe this - that I did create some movement and that even if I translated something as a dead end, that can be a mistranslation, that it isn’t necessarily ... that I did put probabilities in motion that, as my small dog gets bigger, could manifest themselves.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: Even before this conversation, although what you’ve said has really helped reinforce this, I have decided to focus more on stabilizing myself both mentally and emotionally, although they’re intertwined, and reducing my duplicity, rather than acting in relation to others for the time being. I’m trying to console myself that I didn’t quote "fail" in creating those actions, and that is basically what you’ve been saying?

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct. You have created this quite purposefully in benefit to yourself in relation to the direction of your movement and allowing yourself a clearer avenue in which you may be accomplishing this relaxing of your energy without overwhelming yourself and without pressuring yourself and without creating tremendous distractions.

CARMEN: Okay, great.

Boy, my questions are so focused on the seriousness, but this is more of a general question having to do with imagination and perception being reality and its role in my emergence. Now, I do accept and believe this because in the past I have done it. I mean, when I have not had any doubts, I have literally imagined things so vividly and so real and the next day they would happen, but I wasn’t going through the massive duplicity that I’m going through now.

So I do accept that as real, but now when I try to imagine what I want, I hit myself with a barrage of fears and doubts that I can create what I want, and then I feel like if I can’t imagine it I’ve ceased creating these probabilities, which leads to even more self-doubts. Also, if I do succeed in vividly imagining what I want and the phone doesn’t ring within a couple of days, I think, "Oh, I’ve failed," although my perspective is shifted by what we have very previously talked about.

These are instances where, as you said, aside from giving myself this break and relaxing about that ... but if I’m ever in a situation where I just don’t feel able to actively create something in my mind’s eye and feel it and see it and everything, those are moments when I can simply make the choice and then put my trust in the little dog, that I still am creating the probabilities even if I’m not using my conscious objective awareness? Is that correct?

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct, and I may also express to you, do not be discounting of yourself, my friend, and also recognize that you are attempting to direct the expression of imagination in one direction. You are limiting the expression of imagination by directing it singularly and in a specific expectation of expression.

Now; you are correct, imagination is reality; but it also is a communication. In this, do not confuse yourself in similar manner to associations with thought. Thought also is reality, but it does not create reality.

In this, imagination is also reality, but it is not the mechanism that creates reality. It is a communication. Therefore, your reality and the creation of it does not necessarily follow imagination.

My expression to you to be allowing and paying attention to the expression and communication of imagination and not to be discounting of it is not to be reinforcing a confusing association within you in defining that if you are allowing a clear expression of your imagination that you shall create precisely that, for this also is a choice to be incorporating that communication and actualizing it or not.

The communication that imagination offers to you is that of potentiality and choices that are available, not necessarily the absolute that if you may imagine this, you shall create it. You MAY create it, but this particular avenue of communication is not a communication in like manner to your emotional communication. Your emotional communication is one that is precisely identifying in the moment what you are creating and the associations with that creation.

Your imagination is a communication to yourself of an identification of choices and available potentialities that you may choose from and that you do hold the ability to generate.

Now; in this, I may express to you to allow your expression of communication through imagination to be less restricted. Let me express to you, my friend, you allow the expression of your imagination to communicate to you if you deem it to be productive and if you deem that productivity to be beneficial in limited capacity, if it shall generate a specific type of productivity in relation to your job, so to speak. What I am expressing to you is to allow yourself to open this avenue of communication in allowance of it to express itself in any direction, for all of its expressions may be viewed as productive in a manner of speaking, regardless of which choice you engage. This may allow you a recognition of much more of your own freedom.

Your imagination may be communicating to you identifications of potential creations that may appear not productive, but it matters not, for in a manner of speaking the mere entertainment of the potentialities is in itself productive.

CARMEN: Yes, and that comes right back to allowing myself to play.

ELIAS: Correct. Allowing your imagination, in your terms, to soar in the entertainment of dragons and wizards appears to be quite unproductive in what you deem to be practical productivity, but it allows you the opportunity of engaging an avenue of communication within yourself in playfulness and entertainment, and in that engagement, you also in actuality allow yourself much more freedom in association with this communication and offer to yourself more of an allowance of creative choices in association with other expressions, such as your job, so to speak.

CARMEN: That will be interesting. It definitely is an area I want to move in. I’m going to have to learn ... or practice, practice - we don’t learn anything (Elias laughs) - practice allowing imagination to really ... because as you said before, there are certain areas of my focus that I do let it open up, but boy those are limited areas, so this will be something that I will be having to practice and move in. It’s not something that I’m just going to be able to snap my fingers. (Elias laughs) Because oh, there is so much here. There are like 25 major belief systems about myself that I feel like I’m working on. (Laughing)

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Remind yourself, my friend, in this time framework, one expression in one moment. Do not overwhelm yourself with attempting to create inwardly what you have offered to yourself in objective outward imagery. Allow yourself the recognition of what has been created in the physical imagery of this mass event and how this applies to you within your individual creation. What we have been discussing this day is not overwhelming yourself and therefore not creating trauma. In creating collision and explosion, you demolish the structure in one fell swoop, and what is generated? Trauma.

CARMEN: Yes.

ELIAS: In allowing yourself to address to your issues and beliefs one brick in one moment, you also do not generate trauma, for you do not overwhelm yourself.

CARMEN: The next question, I wonder if I’m overwhelming myself because I did create a potential for broadening my creative expressions with current clients by expanding in a somewhat different creative area which would involve doing product concept illustrations. Now, I really do want to do this, very much so, and I want to and can see eventually doing this in addition to the writing that I currently do, plus the further creative potential in that writing. But now I’m thinking that I’m overwhelming myself.

ELIAS: Not necessarily, but allow yourself to examine what you may allow yourself to be physically incorporating without creating tension and continuing to allow yourself to relax. This is not to say that you may not be incorporating different actions presently or not be incorporating different creative expressions in relation to what you view as your job; but be aware of self in this movement, and genuinely allow yourself the assessment and recognition of what you may be incorporating in this present now - which you shall continue to allow yourself to relax in this time framework - and what you may allow yourself to incorporate and view in playfulness and interact with in fun and not as pressure and work.

CARMEN: Okay, because I sort of did create it in that way. I created a client who has expressed a strong interest in working with me in this area, but I told her - my creation, she is my creation - that I may need some time to really hone this skill, because I didn’t want to misrepresent myself because this is going to involve some new learning. It definitely is a new direction for me, and I didn’t want to make myself crazy with it because I also knew that that would increase my duplicity and lessen the probability of my actualizing it. So, I have created it in a way, at least in the present now I’ve created it in a way that seems to give me some room for exploration and fun. I haven’t created her in a way that she’s expecting something immediately.

ELIAS: Very well, and also allow yourself a genuine recognition and permission to be engaging choices and activities in fun, and also permission to discontinue and to choose differently if you are not incorporating fun. Remind yourself of no absolutes, that you may engage a choice in this moment and you may choose to be continuing that choice in successive moments, but you also do hold the freedom to alter your choice and discontinue certain choices if you recognize that you are not incorporating fun any longer and that you are incorporating tension and not relaxing.

You may choose differently; you are not locked into any particular choice, and it is not set in stone, my friend.

CARMEN: Because right now it feels like fun but ... see, that’s what I go doing, projecting into the future. Like, I want this to happen, I want this to happen and then...

ELIAS: Pay attention to what you are creating NOW.

CARMEN: Yes, yes. Do you ... oh, I hate to ask you about probabilities, because I do know that it is our choice.

ELIAS: You are correct.

CARMEN: My automatic response right now is to interpret what you’re saying, because I am so discounting of myself, that you’re saying that I’m really not going to like this, and you’re not saying that.

ELIAS: You are correct; I am not. I am expressing to you to direct your attention in the now. Allow yourself the choices and the recognition of your choices in the now, and do not concern yourself with what may or may not be occurring or chosen within the future. Allow yourself an appreciation of what you are choosing and creating now, and this is the reason that I have expressed to you the exercise of the bubbles.

CARMEN: Right. Well, that’s helpful. In fact, what you just said does relate to something that I created that I thought was going to be fun ... and oh, I just got a fear that this illustration thing isn’t going to be fun.

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! What is its expression now?

CARMEN: Its expression now is fun.

ELIAS: And I express to you, hold in that. (Chuckles)

CARMEN: (Laughs) What I did recently was I created an opportunity to play my flute with other people, despite that I’m kind of a lone wolf, being Sumari aligned and all that. Well, not all Sumaris are lone wolves, so forget that, but I do enjoy being with other people and I enjoy music, I love music, so I created a situation where I could play my flute with other people. But I went to the practices and I just realized that it was too much right now; I just can’t do that. So, I made the decision last night after the practice that I just can’t, don’t want to do this right now. So I did give myself permission to change the choice.

ELIAS: Very well, and this is a clear example of what I am expressing to you. Acknowledge yourself in this choice.

CARMEN: Yes, but I didn’t go automatic and say "never in the future." (Laughs with Elias) That’s a new movement for me, because normally I would have said, "Okay, I’m quitting this," but I’m just saying, "No, I can’t do it right now."

Okay, let’s see. I have a question about the hang-up calls that I give myself to communicate to me that I’m not receiving a message from my subjective awareness. My extreme and discounting translations have really upset me because I interpret them as meaning I’m just doing one more thing wrong, and that frustration makes it even more difficult for me to identify the message that I’m not getting. But I’ve thought that maybe I could ease some of this frustration if I realize that the calls are usually telling me that I’m denying and not trusting my abilities to create what I want, whether it’s an objective expression of my creativity or a situation. Is this accurate, or are the messages more specific, that I really do need to identify them in order to be really moving?

ELIAS: I may express to you that what you have expressed in this now is a tremendous complication of the message that you are expressing to yourself. The message that you are expressing to yourself is quite simply "draw your attention back to the now."

CARMEN: Oh! Okay, because in the now, that is where I will...

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: ...be noticing the small dog...

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: ...noticing the small dog and listening to the small dog.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: So, I see, I was thinking that it was a very specific message.

ELIAS: It IS a quite specific message, to reincorporate your attention in the now.

CARMEN: Okay, that relieves me, because I’ve been wracking my brain every time I get one of those phone calls to find something more complicated.

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Quite!

CARMEN: You know how I complicate things! (Laughs, and Elias laughs) And if you add my intensity to that, boy...

ELIAS: Quite efficient in this movement, are you not? Ha ha ha!

CARMEN: I think I have just a few minutes left. Oh boy, every question I have has to do with my discounting of myself. But in the last few sessions I have not gotten a headache afterwards, and I’ve interpreted that to myself as "well, you weren’t assimilating the information." Is that true, or am I just accommodating myself physically to the interaction a little more?

ELIAS: You are allowing yourself an actual movement and action of relaxing more in your interaction with myself, and you are presenting yourself with physical objective evidence of that to validate yourself.

CARMEN: Okay, that helps.

Now, just one last question and this is just a curiosity, but when you offer an energy expression to me, which I usually receive in the form of a Beethoven piece on the radio, now are you ... is it that you send the energy expression and then I translate it and create concrete imagery of a particular piece, or do you choose the piece? (Laughs) Because the themes and associations are often extremely pertinent to that moment, and I was just wondering if I am doing that or are we both doing that?

ELIAS: It is a cooperation. It is in similar manner to your objective discussions with myself: you are expressing a specific energy and in association with that energy there is expressed a request, and in cooperation with that energy expression and request, I express a specific energy which manifests in specific compositions.

CARMEN: Because the one "Serioso" piece (laughing) ... because you just addressed how serious I am, and when you mentioned that, that piece just clicked; but there have been many more specific associations that just kind of stun me sometimes. I’m still stunned by how specific imagery can be in its meaning.

ELIAS: Quite!

CARMEN: So I was curious about that. Okay, I didn’t write down the exact time that the session began, but I think it’s very, very close to an hour. So unless you have anything that I’m fogging myself and not noticing that would be really helpful for me to be addressing right now, I think that is all my questions.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend. I express to you, merely remember the bubbles. Ha ha ha!

CARMEN: Yes. I will!

ELIAS: And in this, I offer to you my continued encouragement and expression of energy, and I shall continue to be interactive with you. Until our next meeting, as always in tremendous affection, au revoir.

CARMEN: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 12:09 PM.

©2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.