Session 888

Relationship Issues and Beliefs


"Relationship Issues and Beliefs"

Thursday, August 23, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Lynda (Ruther), and Donnalie (Mallory)
In this session, Lynda is on the phone calling from California and Donnalie is present in the session room with Elias.
Elias arrives at 9:25 AM. (Arrival time is 30 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

LYNDA: Good morning! How are ... never mind, I know how you are! (Elias laughs) May I ask you a question?

ELIAS: You may.

LYNDA: I'd like to know Donnalie's essence family, alignment, focus type and orientation, if you are so choosing.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Very well. Essence name, Mallory (MAL ah ree).

LYNDA: Will you spell that?


LYNDA: Cool.

ELIAS: Essence family, Sumafi; alignment, Ilda. Orientation has already been expressed and I shall reiterate, intermediate; political focus.

LYNDA: Oh, goody! I thought she might be a little political focus. (Elias laughs) How interesting! She's sitting in the room with us, Elias.

ELIAS: I am aware.

LYNDA: She's a mouse in the corner, in her pajamas.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Welcome.

DONNALIE: Thank you.

LYNDA: May I ask for her boyfriend Peter's information?

ELIAS: Very well. Essence name, Allegra, A-L-L-E-G-R-A (ah LEG grah).

LYNDA: That's pretty.

ELIAS: Essence family, Sumafi; alignment, Milumet.

DONNALIE: Can you spell that?

ELIAS: You may be inquiring of Michael, which shall offer you clarification.

DONNALIE: What was the alignment again? Say it one more time again, and I'll sound it out.

ELIAS: Milumet.


ELIAS: Orientation, common; thought focus.

LYNDA: Great. Hey Donnalie, do you have any questions before I go?

DONNALIE: No, I don't.

ELIAS: In the offering of this information, in association with energy expression which you are incorporating presently, if you are so choosing you may be inquiring of and interactive with Michael concerning orientations, which may offer you clarity in some expressions of conflict and confusion that you are experiencing...

DONNALIE: You mean in myself?

ELIAS: ...and in association with relationship. Continue, Ruther.

LYNDA: Well, I am paying attention more to my natural movement inside of myself. I think that with respect to my own creation of my relationship with my friend, I'm aware that ... this is difficult for me, Elias, because it looks like he's definitely pulling away from me. My impression of that is because I think he knows I really like him and accept him in a lot of different ways, and I think he's translating it to mean relationship, which is a little bit scary to him. I don't want to push the relationship with him anymore.

I don't feel comfortable, and I want to just allow myself to trust that I do like him and that I do accept, but I honest to Pete don't think that he's ... I don't expect anything from him, and I am aware that I am allowing myself to not call him and to stay focused in the moment and do what I'm doing; and I feel okay with that, but I feel a little bit sad with that, too. I also am aware that I'm a little worried that I'm taking too much personal responsibility for what he's doing, and I'm being hard on myself for that.

But I don't think I'm going to call him, and I think he's used to people doing that with him and I just don't want to do it. It doesn't mean I'm closing the door, it just means that I don't feel comfortable. And in expressing that, I'm giving myself permission to do that and at the same time I'm aware that I'm being a little bit hard on myself because I want to do that, but I don't feel comfortable.

So I would appreciate a little bit of a comment, because I'm looking at a bunch of stuff here which I think, if I can identify it with you, is primarily personal responsibility. And you know what, I actually don't ... how do I say this? I genuinely, in the time that I've known him, I think I'm trying to change him, and I don't want to do that. He's him and I'm me, and I'm also seeing that in the process of realizing that I want him to be different, he isn't going to be different. He's going in a direction and I'm going in a direction, and that's okay with me. I like the challenge of accepting myself in my choice to be his friend, but I don't know if he's my type at this point. And I don't know if I'm backing off.

I'm still just a little bit confused, but I feel like the confusion is clearing because I'm actually seeing that this is Joey and this is how he is, and my job is to accept me and like me, no matter what. I want to be as open with you as I can about it, and see, my only flinch is that in comparing myself to people who are more accepting than me - which is sucky, so I don't want to do that - but I just want to trust, and I'm at a space where I'm hitting this wall again. I'm trying to give myself permission to look at all the aspects of it. So if you want to comment on that, I'd appreciate it.

ELIAS: Identify your want.

LYNDA: With relation to Joe?

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: Or in relation, period, to a guy?

ELIAS: Either.

LYNDA: Well, I think I would like to draw to myself somebody that appreciates me like I appreciate me, and I'm in the process of coming to really appreciate me. I feel like a relationship with a guy is an open area that I don't feel safe in with Joe. He's very judgmental and he's critical, and I shrink back from that and I'm not totally open with him, although I am somewhat.

The closest thing I have to what I want is actually the kind of relationship that I'm creating with Mary. That's the first time I've really allowed myself to be open and free with somebody. Mary is like a safe haven and a plumb line to me. And really, that's what I want to create in all of my relationships.

ELIAS: Very well. Now identify within yourself the difference of the projection of your energy with Michael and with this other individual, for this shall offer you clarity in what you are creating.

Be remembering, Ruther, you reflect to yourself what you are creating and allowing within self. You identify to myself that you are creating the type of relationship that you want with Michael. You are expressing confusion and conflict in not allowing yourself to translate that type of expression in relation to other individuals. What you are creating with this other individual is a reflection. Your attention continues to be focused upon the other individual and their choices and what you perceive to be their behavior, and you identify this individual's behavior to be judgmental and to be attempting to dictate to you your choices, attempting to alter your experience. As you recognize these expressions, turn your attention to self, for they are reflecting what you are creating inwardly.

Let me express to you, you identify [that] this individual expresses judgment, and your automatic response is, in your terms, to shrink back. That automatic response is your objective indication to yourself that you are in alignment with the judgment that is being expressed. You agree.

LYNDA: Oh, I'm discounting myself, so instantly I shrink back?

ELIAS: Yes. Therefore, your expression to be shrinking back, in your terms, is your imagery to yourself in alignment with the reflection. The other individual is the reflection. You are already expressing that energy within yourself. The other individual therefore reflects in objective imagery to you what you are already projecting within self, and in the completion of the circle, you shrink back, which is the automatic response to the reflection of what you are already creating.

Therefore, you have created a complete circle of expression to offer yourself a precise identification of what you are creating within yourself. It matters not what the other individual is choosing.

LYNDA: You know, we've talked about this a lot. This time around with it, Elias, I think genuinely inside myself I am identifying it with you. At this point, to see it and to feel the flinch of it, to identify how I'm judging myself for knowing that that's what I'm creating is ... it's just information in one sense, because I want to take the next step with myself in turning back into myself.

Without thinking, I have wallowed in this for so long and that's what the construct of my fear has been for a very long time. I just want to look at it with you this way and say, "Okay, I see it," and turn back to self again, again and again. I'm seeing it and I'm talking to you about it, which is pretty huge to me.

Oh boy, I don't want this to seem like so huge and serious, but this is a biggie to me, because I think it's just so automatic to discount myself. So, what I'm saying to you is, I see it, I recognize it with you, and I'm just going to turn back into self and trust me.

ELIAS: Correct. Let me also express to you that you have not yet quite altered your association with regard to relationships in the expression of need rather than want. You translate the association of need into an objective thought process of want, but the expression of need underlying is the motivating factor which continues to project your attention outwardly to the other individual.

LYNDA: I'm smiling. You know something? This goes under the heading of "what you concentrate upon."

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: Boy. I try so hard to stuff this sucker, or look at it and say I'm bad because I still think I need a guy or need anything outside of me to complete me or need money or nah-nah-nah. It's pretty big, but I genuinely in my heart of hearts love that we're talking about this, because we don't talk about this. This is like the big banana to me. We're talking about this and I'm objectifying with you, and I genuinely in my heart don't feel like a pile of dung right now because this is like so bad to me - I don't feel that. I genuinely have this big space inside of me that knows I can turn back into it and relax and stay in the moment and trust this.

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: Do you understand what I mean?

ELIAS: Yes, and I may express to you, the manner in which you move your perception and your association outside of the need and translate into a genuine want rather than an expression of need, which is being camouflaged in the disguise of a want, is to be genuinely focusing your attention upon you and allowing yourself to be appreciating your own expressions and expressing your genuine desires in association with self, which allows you the freedom to express a want without the underlying factor of need.

LYNDA: And probably create it at the same time.

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: Oh, that's motivation if I ever heard it. I'm not kidding. I sense that it ... okay, am I nuts? I have moments of trust when I do know that and part of me doesn't; there's a piece that feels like it doesn't care how it manifests, if I could say that. It's not that I don't care. There's a trust factor beyond what I think in my head that I want, want, want, want. There's a trust factor that I know what I want.

Often times, Elias, I don't have the thought as to exactly what that is, but there's a ... how do I say this? The first layer to me is a trust that I don't have to worry about it, which is sort of like letting go of the handrails. But I also want to know what I want and not worry about it and trust that what I want will manifest.

ELIAS: And the manner in which you allow yourself to objectively know what you want is to be turning your attention genuinely to yourself. But I may express to you, in this movement and in your movement the expression of projecting your attention outwardly and holding your attention upon other individuals is so familiar and automatic, many times you are not noticing the action of projecting your attention to another individual.

In this, you may also confuse yourself many times, for you may be holding your attention within the now and therefore express to yourself that you are paying attention to self, but you are not. Your attention is within the now, but it is projected outwardly to situations or other individuals. You also may be holding your attention upon self but you are not within the now.

Moving these two expressions into a balance and holding both simultaneously in your movement requires practice, for the projection out of the now and the projection away from self are both very familiar expressions. They are automatic, and these automatic expressions and responses many times are unrecognized. Even within time frameworks in which you THINK that you are holding your attention upon self and within the now, in actuality you are not.

The manner in which you may allow yourself objectively to recognize that you are moving in these automatic expressions is to be paying attention and noticing each time your thought processes are occupied with a situation or with another individual; (Elias speaks more deliberately) and in this, pay attention to your communications, your impressions, your intuition, your emotion. You do not listen to the emotional communication, for your attention moves to the thoughts, which you attempt to override the emotional communication.

This is the small dog, once again, Ruther. It is not as loud as the big dog. Therefore, it is much easier to not notice the small dog. But as you continue to turn your attention to the large dog and its loud barking, your attention moves outside of yourself and you create frustration, confusion, conflict, anxiety, discounting of yourself [and] a lack of trust, and these perpetuate your continuation of holding your attention outside of self. This also perpetuates your automatic expression of expectation, expectation of yourself and expectation in relation to the other individual.

Now; allow yourself to be examining what you have expressed and what you are experimenting with in relation to Michael. Allow yourself to recognize your movement in that expression and what you do not express, what you do not expect of yourself or of Michael.

LYNDA: There is a difference there.

ELIAS: Quite! This offers you information, Ruther. What is motivating you, what is influencing within your beliefs that you do not allow yourself this type of expression with individuals that are incorporating male gender? What is your association merely with the gender?

LYNDA: Wow! Are you asking me this question to give you an answer, because I have a little bit of an answer here?

ELIAS: You may.

LYNDA: My first response is, well, I'm more relaxed with Michael because I feel like she understands the male gender, and when I turn to my friend, I am more like a victim with him.

ELIAS: Quite!

LYNDA: So I definitely have beliefs about guys...

ELIAS: Quite.

LYNDA: ...that are pretty strong.

ELIAS: And quite influencing. You create an association which creates an actual perception of tremendous difference. Let me express to you, Ruther, the association influenced by your beliefs is so very strong that you almost associate this gender as another species. (Donnalie and Lynda laugh)

DONNALIE: Just a little! (Elias laughs)

LYNDA: Oh shut up Mallory! What do you know! (Donnalie laughs)

DONNALIE: They ARE another species!

ELIAS: Now; let me express to you this is a significant belief to be examining. You are participating and you also, Mallory, are participating in these waves in consciousness, as are all individuals within your physical dimension presently: duplicity and sexuality. Gender is an aspect of sexuality. You have created associations with gender in an expression of, as I have expressed, a differentiation of species, not merely function of physical expression.

(Loudly and clearly) Let me express to you quite definitely, gender is an expression of PHYSICAL FUNCTION. It is NOT an expression of association. It matters not what gender you choose to physically be manifesting in a particular focus. It is merely an expression of physical function, a choice of difference in expression of physical function. Your association with what you understand objectively as the expression of sexuality is NOT associated with physical gender.

You create beliefs in these associations for in the design of your physical dimension you have chosen to be incorporating two physical genders, and for the most part, in association with the common orientation, you choose to be associating certain expressions and certain associations of sexuality with particular genders; but as I have expressed to you again and again, there are no absolutes and therefore you present to yourselves many, many individuals within your physical dimension that deviate from the association of gender and sexuality. And I may express to you, in this time framework, in the movement of this shift in consciousness, as you move into the objective insertion of this shift into your officially accepted reality, throughout your globe the expression of blurring the association of sexuality with gender is increasing.

I may express to you, in actuality in this time framework, in the beginning of your new millennium, it is not merely that you are noticing more objectively or that individuals are objectively exposing their choice of preference, not orientation - for as you are aware, we are redefining orientation - but preference in association with sexuality, there are more and more individuals that are in actuality altering their preference and blurring the absolutes and the distinctions and the black and white associations of what you understand within your physical focus as sexual preference. Which, I may express to you once again, [it] is no accident that Michael has altered preference, for as I have expressed previously, his role in this exchange and this phenomenon is to be presenting the objective physical example of the concepts which I am expressing to you all.

This is not to say that you are all moving into an expression of sexuality preference that may not necessarily be associated with a particular gender, but what you are moving into is a recognition of preference and addressing to the beliefs that are strongly influencing of your associations concerning gender.

LYNDA: Can I make a comment about what I define associations as?

ELIAS: You may.

LYNDA: For me, I draw up the past automatically. On one layer, I draw up the past automatically with guys, and I think about all that I consider to be my past behaviors with guys and my sort of compulsive thing with putting my focus outside, on them, and making the needy thing. Because I've done that so consistently my whole life, at this point I want to define with you that that's what I call associations. I automatically think of this one, this one and this one, and I literally am seeing how I overlay it on any kind of relationship I would want to create now. I just want to define that - not that I think it's hopeless, but to say that it automatically comes up, I look at it, and I am just telling you that and I'm noticing that. It's pretty strong, Elias, and I know you know that.

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: I am just really, really, really aware of it. I don't feel the overwhelming frustration with it that I have felt, but I am very much more aware of it and just wanted to make that definition with you.

ELIAS: Correct. I may also express, as you allow yourself movement into the examination of the strength of these beliefs, these are quite affecting of your movement and your allowance, or your lack of allowance, of your own expressions and of your freedom in association with relationships.

In this, I may also be expressing that in the expression of relationships in association with both genders, both align with the same beliefs, for the males also many times align with the same belief associating females as another species. (Lynda laughs)

This in itself creates conflict and tremendous difficulty and restraint within your interactions, and if you are incorporating different orientations, you compound the conflict and the challenge in your objective understanding and association with the other individual that you are attempting to be creating relationship with.

LYNDA: (Sigh) Okay. There's a common piece I just want to identify with you, in what you just said. There's a heart connection I have with Michael. It's like this little tiny thing that is an indication to me that there's something in our connectedness with all of ourselves that is my plumb line for how I want relationships to be in my life...

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: ...and it's a genuine, genuine love and acceptance, and I...

ELIAS: Let me express to you, Ruther - and also Mallory - you may be allowing yourselves to be noticing and recognizing the ease in which you engage interaction and communication with Michael despite, in your terms, the differences of your orientations.

LYNDA: When you say orientation, you mean sexual preference, right?


LYNDA: No? Oh, you mean orientation!

ELIAS: Yes! You each incorporate different orientations.

LYNDA: Right - common, intermediate and soft.

ELIAS: Correct; but you create little difficulty or confusion in your interactions and communications. You allow yourselves more of an ease in translating the differences of your natural languages, do you not?

LYNDA: Yes, I do! With Michael I communicate cool, and I really feel a strong connection with Mallory. We have a really fun flow, which is interesting to me.

ELIAS: In this, you offer yourself information concerning orientations, that in itself the action of allowing yourself to be translating each other's natural languages is not quite as difficult as you have previously associated. What holds more significance and what is much more influencing is the expression of your beliefs than the expression of your orientation.

LYNDA: I see that.

ELIAS: Preference matters not. Preference is neutral. It is merely the association of your beliefs that express judgments concerning preference.

LYNDA: Shew! Can I interject something right here?

ELIAS: You may.

LYNDA: So to be honest with you, getting to the point is figuring out what my damn preferences are. It's really difficult for me, because I'm so used to thinking a) I should accommodate someone else's preference, or b) I don't get to have a preference. That's really black and white, I know that, but I see how I want to be in touch with what my preferences are and what my natural movement is.

ELIAS: Quite, and this is the action of familiarizing yourself with you.

LYNDA: Well, that's pretty cool. Can I ask you a little bit more about that? Because a lot of times we've talked, you've told me to look to my life and look to the common threads of my life...

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: ...and I'm looking at some common threads there. To be honest with you, this is my baseline feeling right now, and this actually has always been my baseline feeling. I like the male gender, I like boys, and I feel pretty comfortable with that. But I don't know if I genuinely want a long-term relationship, because my pattern has not been that.

I'm just beginning to pay attention to that and notice that that's definitely something I've done my whole life. I'm not casting it in stone, I'm just saying that with regard to creating what I consider to be a long-term relationship, a lot of that has been wrapped around the idea that that would make me feel safe, and that's not necessarily true because it didn't when I had one. I'm just starting to begin to look at that as an example to me of my own movement and relaxing about it.

ELIAS: Correct. Let me express to you, Ruther, how shall you objectively know whether this is a genuine want, to be expressing relationship with another individual on-goingly, if you are not familiar with your own expressions and with your wants in association with yourself?

LYNDA: Talk about giving myself permission, just to even find out. Right, fine. Thank you very much.

ELIAS: You are quite welcome. Remember, allow yourself to explore self and discover what YOU naturally generate. What is YOUR natural expression? What is your desire within you? And in this, once recognizing what you naturally generate within your expression and your directions, you also shall offer yourself information concerning what you want genuinely within your movement and your individual focus.

LYNDA: I would just throw this in, that I think my theme plays into this pretty strongly, but I'm confusing a little bit of that with beliefs I've had about religious stuff with regard to being a servant; but I am, even as I sit here in West Hollywood with my job, quite doing what my focus theme is, which I see that. Do you know what I'm saying?


LYNDA: I also see that that's not cast in stone the way that I'm manifesting it, but that it could be manifest in many, many, many, many ways...

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: ...and I'm beginning to give myself permission to redefine a lot of terms that I have called "church" for the first time, I think. Maybe we'll talk about that next time, you and I, because I think that's the direction I'm moving in. Because you mentioned every definition of church with regard to this forum, if I heard you correctly, and I have really struggled with that.

I see that - because I'm so flipped out about even going near anything that smacks of a cult - I see in my own investigations, of my movement into other of my focuses and a theme, that this is a redefinition that I definitely want to pursue and am pursuing. I'm just going to tell you that I'm on the trail of that and have been, and I'd like to talk about that with you. I don't want to take up any more time this time, but that's like going to be our next subject, okay?

ELIAS: Very well.

LYNDA: Fine! Hey, Donnalie, are you awake?

DONNALIE: I'm awake.

LYNDA: (Not hearing Donnalie's response) No, gone! Could I ask you some questions? (Elias chuckles)


LYNDA: Oh! Are you there Donnalie/Mallory?

DONNALIE: I said yes!

LYNDA: Well, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you! (Donnalie laughs; Elias chuckles)

You know what, Elias? This person, Mallory, I know this person! (Donnalie laughs) I think part of the ease of me knowing this person is that I know this person! (Elias chuckles) I feel like we have a lot of shared foci together.

ELIAS: (Chuckling) You are correct.

LYNDA: I will be investigating this.

ELIAS: Very well!

LYNDA: But it feels very familiar to me, this Mallory person.

ELIAS: You are correct.

DONNALIE: It does also to me.

LYNDA: So, can I ask you, I'm going to segue into a couple of questions, one specifically that popped into my head. You know how I call the future guy of mine Jasper?


LYNDA: I've been thinking a lot that the naming of Jasper is actually a fragmentation from Ruther essence name. Is that correct?

ELIAS: In this time framework, not yet.

LYNDA: That's a probability, right?

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: (Ironically) Oh, goody. Okay, fine ... oh, but that's a probability!

ELIAS: Potential.

LYNDA: Potential, all right. Well, not if I eat my Wheaties, it won't be! (Elias and Lynda laugh)

Also with Michael, can I make an observing observation with Michael and I?

ELIAS: You may.

LYNDA: I know I told you last time that I felt we were engaging some kind of a mail-merge. I feel like actually naming that: am I doing some kind of an observing essence thing with Michael right now, in this timeframe?


LYNDA: No, okay. I think I was feeling that because of our close interaction with the book and stuff.

ELIAS: Correct.

LYNDA: Well, okey-dokey. I thank you.

ELIAS: You are quite welcome. I shall be anticipating our next interaction.

LYNDA: Me, too, as usual.

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! Very well, my friend. As always, I offer to you great affection. (Looks at Donnalie) And to you also, and extend my invitation to you to be interactive again. To you both this day, in great lovingness, au revoir.

LYNDA: Au revoir.

Elias departs at 10:22 AM.

©2003 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.