Merging with the Expression of Fear
"Merging with the Expression of Fear"
Thursday, June 28, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Daryl (Ashrah)
(No date/time stamp on video; arrival time is 22 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
DARYL: Hello. (Elias chuckles) Okay ... I wanted to talk to you about some of the stuff that's been going on with me, and see if I can understand it better.
ELIAS: Very well.
DARYL: I was feeling a strong movement in the direction of less separation, but in the last month or so I seem to have been kind of caught up in fear. I'm starting to feel kind of worn down because, as we've talked about in the past, I have had my attention bounce between outside of self and inside of self. I feel like I've been stuck outside of self, and I can't seem to get my attention back in self.
I've been having a lot of breathing stuff. I want to get a better understanding of what's scaring me and what's going on. My belief is that part of it has to do with information about other focuses that I'm encountering, and part of it has to do with fear that's related to unblocking my energy.
DARYL: One of the things I've also noticed is that even when my breathing is okay I feel like there's not as much oxygen around as there used to be. I don't know what that's imagery of. Is the best way to start to talk to you about the focuses?
ELIAS: Very well.
DARYL: On the Elias List we've had a lot of stuff come up about World War II and the Nazis, and that seems to be related to this, to me. I've talked to you previously about a German focus I have, and I asked you if I was a Nazi and you said, "Not quite, for the individual does not entirely associate with that particular party in official capacity."
I got some more information in the dream state that I think relates to that focus. I got the feeling that I was some kind of public official or businessman. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
DARYL: And the other part of it was that I was married and I had a son, and the son was mentally retarded and for that reason he was taken by the Nazis and killed...
DARYL: ...and I had the impression that my wife at that time was a focus of Milde.
DARYL: One of the things I'm trying to understand is if there's information about focuses that's upsetting me, and I'm blocking for some reason. I also had other dreams relating to the Nazis in terms of there being a group of high-level people that were other focuses of people in this forum. I had this two nights in a row.
The first night I dreamt that I was a female who was an artist, a painter, and that I was associated with them. The second night I just felt like I was there hanging around with them, but I'm not clear on what was going on within that. It wasn't as clear as the other dream. Could you explain to me what was going on there? Do I have a female artist focus there?
ELIAS: Correct, although not one that may be associated with notoriety or that which you term to be fame.
DARYL: I got the feeling she might be involved with architecture, public buildings or something; like she had a relationship with the Nazis in that respect.
ELIAS: Yes, and I may express to you that the individual was not entirely in agreement with the political movement but also, in protection of self so to speak, chose to be compliant and what you may term to be agreeable.
DARYL: The male focus also seems to have been compliant, but... (Sighs)
ELIAS: To a point.
DARYL: I feel that he was very troubled by what happened with his son, and felt kind of betrayed by his compliance and not having done anything about it.
ELIAS: Correct. This individual has created compliance to a point, but not as willingly as the other individual.
DARYL: Now which individual was not as willingly? Was that the male or the female?
DARYL: Male, okay. So when I was in the dream state and I was the female artist who was hanging around with that group of people, did I actually know those people in that focus, or is that just imagery of the [Elias] group?
ELIAS: I may express to you that you have allowed yourself objective contact with these individuals but do not engage what you may term to be friendship or relationship with these individuals.
DARYL: I guess one of the things I've been thinking about is that it surprised me that there was such a concentrated group of high-ranking officials. Do you have any comment about that, about our group and that group of people?
ELIAS: I may express to you that in actuality this is not as unusual as it may appear to be, for in like manner there are also groups of individuals that are manifest and interactive with each other now that also grouped together in that time framework in other manifestations.
DARYL: So it just happens to be that group and this group, and it's no particular significance. It's just groups re-occurring, basically.
DARYL: I've also wondered, because of all my breathing stuff and especially about the oxygen lately, I haven't gotten any impressions of this directly but I wondered if I also have a focus who died in the gas chambers during the war.
ELIAS: No. Although I may express to you in relation to other focuses, you do allow for some bleed-through of other focuses, which translates into an affectingness of breathing in this present now.
DARYL: Okay. I really feel like there's something going on there and that that's part of what's scaring me so much recently and giving me problems.
ELIAS: I may express to you that the focuses of essence that you are allowing to be affecting in bleed-through and energy are not associated with this physical dimension.
DARYL: They are not associated with this physical dimension?
ELIAS: Correct. They are associated with another physical dimension.
DARYL: But in that dimension, there is something that has to do with breathing that's traumatic?
ELIAS: Not in traumatic experience, but that these focuses do not incorporate oxygen.
DARYL: So it's bleed-through when I'm feeling there is not enough oxygen in the air, and that has to do with bleed-through with those focuses?
ELIAS: Correct, which you are translating in association to your movement and self in this focus in this dimension.
DARYL: So there's not even trauma associated with it; it's just my translation.
ELIAS: Correct, for there is an association in this focus with a lack of oxygen being unnatural and fearful. In those focuses within another physical dimension, they do not incorporate oxygen but rather create their manifestation in what may be closely associated to your identification of water.
DARYL: I thought it might have to do with other focuses, but I didn't really think other dimensional. I thought something traumatic within this dimension.
ELIAS: But, in a manner of speaking, indirectly this is associated with a traumatic element of this dimension in YOUR focus, for it is an opening of movement in relation to this shift in consciousness, and therefore loosening once again the veils of separation. And this creates a fearfulness within you, for it is unfamiliar, and you continue to express fearfulness in the movement of dropping these veils of separation and your association of exposure.
DARYL: Now, when you say my "fear of exposure," does that tie in then with my taking down the block?
DARYL: Because I do feel like when I'm awake that I'm dropping it to some degree, but I also feel specifically before I go to sleep that I can feel myself taking down some kind of protection that I've had in the past.
DARYL: And then I go into the dream state and scare myself. (Laughs)
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! Let me express to you, my friend, that you also do continue to create your movement through this expression and thickness of fear. You are not discontinuing.
DARYL: Yes, I've been aware of that. It's just that it seems like it's taken over recently.
ELIAS: Now allow yourself to address to these experiences in a slightly altered manner. Allow yourself to experiment with this expression of fear and merge into the experience, but turn your attention to your awareness and allow yourself to pay attention to the heightenedness of your awareness of self and your creations.
DARYL: I wonder if that's related to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. In terms of the fear, my understanding is even though I feel a lot of tension in my head and jaw still - I feel kind of like there's a shell there during the day - I'm taking down some kind of interior walls within me.
The other thing I've noticed is that I'm feeling a lot of stuff going on at certain times within my yellow energy center; it feels thick and stiff and like there's stuff going on there. Instead of experiencing the fear as in my head and more outside, I'm experiencing it down there in the yellow energy center and inside. Is that part of what you're describing?
ELIAS: Correct, yes. In this, as you allow yourself to move your attention INTO the experience, your attention shall shift and the experience shall alter; for your attention shifts to noticing your awareness and the intensity of your awareness rather than the feeling, so to speak, of the fear, which also may be helpful in affecting the physical manifestations which are created in relation to this fear.
DARYL: I've also noticed recently that when I'm having that go on in my yellow energy center that my breathing is okay, even though I have a lot of fear. Is that what you mean by it might be helpful in altering the physical?
ELIAS: Partially, yes. But you may be extending this action as you turn your attention, and it shall also be affecting of the tension within your head.
DARYL: So, I'm changing the way that I process the fear or the way I experience it?
DARYL: By kind of taking it into myself?
DARYL: I've also had the sense that when I do it through my energy center, the fear seems to be dissipating through that and that it's somehow getting it out of me rather than just keeping it there. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Correct, for you are also allowing a channel of communication. In paying attention to the communication, you divert your attention from the creation of the fear in its expression and therefore it dissipates, for it shall be manifest only in the moments that your attention is directed to it in creating it. If your attention is diverted to another expression, it shall not be as concentrated upon the manifestation and creation of the fear.
DARYL: Now I'm confused about that. Do you mean that if I'm feeling that in my energy center and I'm paying attention to that, is that paying attention to the fear or is that...?
ELIAS: It is altering the direction of your attention, for you are incorporating holding your attention in more than one expression, which dissipates the affectingness of the expression of the fear.
DARYL: So the rest of my attention would be on the fear itself? I'm still confused about where my attention is.
DARYL: Previously it was all upstairs in my head.
ELIAS: Previously your attention has been concentrated in the expression of the fear in extreme. As you move your attention to other actions that you are creating simultaneously, you divert aspects of your attention away from the expression of the fear, and therefore you also discontinue creating some of the expression of the fear. You dissipate it. Therefore, it is less affecting.
DARYL: In the past I've associated being in the fear with my attention being outside of self. In this new action I'm doing, am I bringing my attention more towards self?
ELIAS: Yes, (with emphasis) and paying attention to more than one action in one moment.
DARYL: Okay, 'cause I think maybe one of the reasons I feel like I can't get my attention within self is because I don't consider it that way when I feel the fear. I think that my attention isn't within self when I feel fear, but that's not necessarily correct.
ELIAS: You are correct, this is not necessarily accurate.
DARYL: Is there anything else you can tell me regarding this or the action I'm taking of lowering my blockage or my shields, or whatever, that would be helpful?
ELIAS: The actions are similar. In this, as you continue to allow yourself to be moving your attention, but also recognizing and noticing where you ARE directing your attention in particular moments, you shall allow yourself more of an ease in removing or eliminating these blocks and also dissipating your individual expression of fear.
Let me express to you, Ashrah, you may be, in a manner of speaking, slaying both monsters simultaneously, for movement in relation to your attention with regard to either of these subjects or these creations offers an expression of energy to dissipate the other also.
DARYL: Okay. That's nice. (Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: In this, you need not be concerning yourself or overwhelming yourself that you must be continuously focusing your attention on either of these expressions to be dismantling either of them, for they are quite interconnected with each other. Therefore, moving your attention with one automatically also moves your attention with the other and creates more of an openness within your expression.
This is the action of steering your ship. Your attention is your wheel. Where you direct your attention is what steers your perception to be creating any expression of your reality.
Now; in this, as you steer your perception into the block or the fear, you also in a manner of speaking become aware of its properties and its qualities. In mergence with it, it becomes less thick.
Allow yourself the visualization, in relation to this movement, of approaching what you may view as a thick fog. And as you steer your ship into this fog and are within the fog, it appears less dense. It may appear outside of the fog as solid as a wall, but once your ship penetrates and is within it, it is viewed as particles and not solid.
DARYL: Well, that's true. I have to take the ship into it, huh? (Elias laughs) I know. I've been doing that, it's just... (Sighs) I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed by what I've been doing, I think. But I think this will give me a little more of an idea of what I'm doing. It's good to know that I can work on both at once 'cause that seems more manageable. Instead of thinking of it as two things, I'll think of it as one thing. (Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: And less overwhelming.
DARYL: I know you don't like crystal ball questions, but am I getting close to the end of this breathing stuff and the moving through fear? Is there an end in sight?
ELIAS: Is there an end in sight? Yes. Are you approaching that closely? (Pause) This is dependent upon your movement and your choices, and whether you allow yourself to steer into the fog.
DARYL: So steering into it is the quickest way through it?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, yes.
DARYL: Okay. (Pause) Well, I guess I'll just try to hang in there. I just have times when it's hard.
ELIAS: I am quite understanding, and I may express to you, you have presented yourself with a tremendous challenge but you also have created a tremendous desire and motivation, and the motivation and the desire is in actuality stronger than the challenge.
DARYL: Okay. (Sighs)
ELIAS: (Gently) I AM understanding of the difficulty that you experience. Let me also express to you, Ashrah, as I have many times previously, allow yourself to remember and to be aware of intentionally creating a relaxation.
You have chosen to be moving your attention in the direction of your energy centers. In this, allow yourself to engage your red energy center, and allow yourself to manipulate the energy of that particular energy center to be helpful to yourself in accomplishing this relaxation. If you are experiencing difficulty in accomplishing this relaxation, engage this energy center and manipulate the energy of that vibrational quality, allowing that red to filter through all aspects of your physical expression. Immerse yourself in that energy center. Surround yourself with that energy center, for this particular energy center vibrates at what you may term to be the lowest quality. It creates a calm. It creates a slowness which also may be beneficial to you as you are focusing your attention upon the movement of these energy centers.
DARYL: So I can do that even while I'm feeling the stuff going on in my yellow energy center?
ELIAS: Yes, quite. You may, in a manner of speaking, be paying attention to the yellow energy center, and you may also wash the red over yourself.
DARYL: Okay, I'll try that. I've had trouble feeling much in terms of energy centers until this started happening with my yellow one, and it's quite pronounced. (Daryl and Elias laugh) It got my attention. It seems a little more real to me, I guess.
ELIAS: Let me express to you also, this yellow energy center is quite powerful, for this is also the center of emotional communication. Therefore, it is the energy center that provides the avenue which allows for the communication between the objective and the subjective awarenesses.
DARYL: Oh yeah? That's interesting. (Pause) I'll try playing around with the red and find some way to make it through this. I like it when I kind of arrange to have fun periods in between, and I've gone a while without that.
I wanted to ask you, too, I think I caught you playing with me. Was that you that did that to my phone a couple weeks ago?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) You are correct. This is what may be termed as a gentle reminder to be incorporating fun and playfulness rather than the intensity of seriousness, my friend. You do move yourself quite efficiently in the expression of extreme seriousness at times. (Laughs)
DARYL: Well, I've certainly been there lately, I'll tell you. (Elias laughs) I also wanted to ask you about this experience, and I've had this before. It was about three weeks ago, it was at my regular session time, and to me it seemed like we had a subjective session for an hour. I felt the whole energy exchange thing going on.
ELIAS: You are correct. This expression was not offered to be expressing information per se, but rather as an exchange of energy in encouragement. I may express to you genuinely, my friend, that I DO hold an awareness of the difficulty that you have presented to yourself and the struggle that you have been engaging and creating. In this, as I hold a recognition of your wavering in your hold within yourself, I have offered an expression of energy to be encouraging to you and also to be reinforcing to you.
DARYL: Well, it was quite helpful, and frankly I wouldn't mind some more of that if... (Laughs)
ELIAS: Very well my friend!
DARYL: It helped me feel not alone. Even though I feel your presence anyway, it has a different quality to it and a different affectingness.
ELIAS: I am understanding. Therefore, it is done.
DARYL: Okay. Thank you. (Elias chuckles) And I could definitely use more of the playing with the phone and stuff like that too, to remind me that I'm being serious. (Elias laughs) I get lost in that.
ELIAS: I shall be incorporating an inventiveness to be offering playful expressions in relation to you. (Chuckles)
DARYL: Another thing that I was curious about, I read a transcript a while ago where you talked about the orientation of soft and dwelling. I've had these experiences several times in the past where I'm not objectively aware of trying to make a decision, but I feel that I present myself with a decision that is quite clear. I know that it's my decision, but I don't make it objectively; it's presented to me as something that's already done, and it usually goes against things that scare me, like I make a decision to do something in spite of the great amount of fear involved. I wondered if that was somewhat similar to what you were talking about.
ELIAS: Yes, in a manner of speaking, although in this discussion which was engaged there was a specific direction in relation to what you objectively identify or define as the action of dwelling upon a particular subject matter or event.
Now; this may be translated quite similarly in what you are expressing, for it is merely the other side of your coin, so to speak. The dwelling is the objective expression which may, in a manner of speaking, also be created in a subjective expression without objectively engaging thought.
DARYL: I guess the similarity to me was that it seemed that the decision incorporated more than just what my objective input was, that there were other levels of information there that I wasn't aware of objectively.
ELIAS: Correct - but you ARE aware. You merely are not identifying or defining objectively what is occurring.
DARYL: Or in some cases I think I was aware but I didn't want to be because it went against my fear so much, that if I thought about it objectively my fear would kind of override that.
ELIAS: Correct, and this is your method of attempting to be fooling yourself. (Elias and Daryl laugh) Quite efficient! You shall maneuver around the fear as you associate that it is not paying attention. Ha ha!
DARYL: I've also recently had some headaches that seemed similar to last year around the election, and these occurred around the time they were having the execution of Timothy McVeigh for the bombings. I wondered if they were related to the duplicity issues involved in that.
ELIAS: Yes, and also in relation to your orientation. This is an expression of recognition of your interconnectedness with many other individuals in conjunction with a mass event.
DARYL: I guess I didn't really think about it that way because I didn't really want to connect with that event, but there were a lot of people with a lot of emotions involved in that.
DARYL: And I guess one other thing I'm curious about, since we have a little time left, is a situation with cats on my porch. I had been told that there was a cat there for a long time, but I didn't see one. Then I did start seeing one, and I started making friends with it and feeding it along about the time I started working towards unblocking my natural flow, and I kind of associated it with that.
Then I discovered recently that there indeed is another cat that I don't see most of the time - or I haven't perceived or created or whatever. I have different feelings about this cat because it's kind of wild and stays away from me and looks very unhealthy, and I've realized I've started thinking of it as the duplicity cat because it seems to hold a lot of imagery to me of what's not acceptable in a cat. I guess I'm curious about what I'm creating there with the two cats.
ELIAS: I may express to you that you may identify in your imagery and your symbology to yourself that BOTH of these creatures may be named duplicity felines, (Daryl laughs) one in the association of Good Duplicity and one in the association of Bad Duplicity.
DARYL: That had actually occurred to me, yeah. There's also the fact that I have birds, and the "good" cat is trying to get into my house and wants to live with me but I won't let it because of my birds and my beliefs about conflict.
ELIAS: Ah, and once again you present to yourself imagery challenging your beliefs in relation to harmony and harm.
DARYL: I realized that I was thinking that it was all up to the cat and the birds, and that my perception and my creation of reality had nothing to do with it.
ELIAS: Ah, but your perception has ALL to do with it.
DARYL: It'll be interesting to see how that keeps playing out. (Elias laughs) Last night the Bad Duplicity cat was there and I had a tendency to want to tell it to go away, but I realized when I felt that, I also felt this surge of fear in me and my breathing constricted immediately, and I went, "Whoa! That was really powerful!" (Elias laughs)
Oh, that reminds me of this one other thing I wanted to ask you about, this dream that I found disturbing that is connected to all this, I'm sure. I dreamed that I was in my kitchen and - as we've discussed before, my garage door in my kitchen has kind of a reference to the dream state and knowing that I'm in the dream - I saw a man whose face was extraordinarily familiar to me, more familiar than my own face, but I don't know who it was. And I was yelling at him at the top of my lungs, "I told you to get out of here!" I wondered if that had to do with fear of other focuses, or directly rejecting parts of myself with duplicity, or what that was.
ELIAS: I may identify in this imagery that the expression of the other individual or the symbology of the other individual is your imagery that you present to yourself in relation to aspects of yourself that you view as undesirable and unwanted.
DARYL: Okay, I thought that that was probably it.
ELIAS: Now; view this imagery and associate it also with the analogy of the fog. Let me express to you, my friend, the more intensely you fight with aspects of your reality that you view to be unwanted or undesirable, the more you continue to concentrate upon them and create them.
DARYL: Okay. That's what I was getting with the cat stuff yesterday. (Elias laughs) So I guess I was giving myself multiple messages about that: pay attention to this!
ELIAS: And perhaps "B.D." - HA! - may become less fearful and as acceptable in your reality as "G.D."! Ha ha ha ha! (Elias totally cracks himself up here, referring to Bad Duplicity cat and Good Duplicity cat)
DARYL: Perhaps. (Elias resumes laughing, and Daryl sighs)
ELIAS: (Chuckling) ...as we are now naming cats! Ha ha ha ha!
DARYL: I'm not even aware a lot of times that I'm thinking of parts of myself as that bad, but I obviously am continuing to do it. Although, I do know I get mad at myself about being so fearful.
ELIAS: Quite. This holds much intensity, and you express MUCH dislike of this aspect of you, therefore the significance of practicing in relaxing and also the significance in practicing playfulness.
DARYL: Yeah. (Elias laughs) It's really hard for me to be playful with fear, let me tell you. I've tried and... (Sighs)
ELIAS: Be paying attention to what we have discussed this day in directing your attention and incorporating more than one attention simultaneously, which is quite affecting in dissipating the intensity of the tension that you project in fear.
DARYL: Well, thank you for your assistance as always, and I will definitely be continuing to talk to you and asking for your assistance ongoingly.
ELIAS: And so you shall have it.
And as always, once again I express to you my affection and my encouragement and my continued offering of energy. I anticipate our continued interaction. To you in great lovingness, au revoir.
DARYL: Au revoir.
(No date/time stamp on video; session running time is 55 minutes, 52 seconds.)
(1) The Elias List is an email chat group. Messages are accessible on-line to the public at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/elias/messages but only members may post messages. Information on how to join this group is also available through a link on that page.
(2) Session #690, 9/11/00.
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Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.