Being a Victim of Yourself
"Being a Victim of Yourself"
"The Challenge of Paying Attention to Yourself"
Monday, February 19, 2001 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Letty (Castille)
Elias arrives at 12:28 PM. (Arrival time is 22 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
LETTY: Morning, Elias! (Elias chuckles) I've been anxiously waiting for this session.
LETTY: You probably know! (Letty and Elias laugh) Well, I've got a few questions, and I know you're going to have a lot to tell me.
ELIAS: Very well.
LETTY: So before we get started, I've got a quick question from Isabel, and love and regards from her and Marta.
ELIAS: And you may offer my affection in return.
LETTY: Okay, I will. Isabel has had some pain in the back of her left knee, and she wanted to know if that was a trigger, or has she just been dancing too much?
ELIAS: You may confirm to her, she is correct that this is what she is creating as a trigger to be noticing in moments that she is, in your terms, pushing herself to extreme.
LETTY: Okay. (Elias chuckles)
Well, I'm going to jump to another question that I didn't have written down because it just happened last night. But my asthma episode and everything that I went through ... I guess I just want validation. Has it to do with my judgment on myself, on my ... oh my god, I lost the word that you use for discounting myself?
ELIAS: First offer to me, Castille, your impression.
LETTY: Well, like yesterday, I have been thinking a lot about ... I try not to, but I do still go to that part of my belief systems of relationships, and I'm going through some feelings with my relationship with Leezar where I started looking at myself, not in like paying attention to myself, but like, "what's wrong with me?"
LETTY: So I tried to stop myself and move on to something else. Some of the judgments that I do sometimes to other people, or something where I'm learning, or it's part of who I am - it matters not - I still go back and discount myself for that. I felt a little bit of that yesterday, that was going through my mind, and then all of a sudden I started getting worked up, and I tried to figure out what it was, and then I tried not to pay attention to it by reading a book, getting involved in it, but I think way in back I was still doing it.
ELIAS: You are correct, and in this, you may be recognizing that the action of distraction is not accomplishing what you wish for it to be accomplishing.
Therefore, you may be turning your attention to be listening to your own communication, as we have spoken of previously, in the moment, and recognizing that you are moving into this expression of discounting of yourself and allow yourself to acknowledge that. And once you have acknowledged that you are creating that action, also allow yourself to be recognizing that you may turn that expression and may be offering to yourself a redirection of your attention upon self, rather than reinforcing the discounting of yourself by paying attention to the choices and behaviors of other individuals.
For in the moments that you are discounting of yourself, although you THINK to yourself that you are paying attention to yourself, in actuality you are paying more attention to other individuals and situations and events, and this distracts your attention from yourself and reinforces the action of discounting of yourself. Once you pull your attention back to yourself, you may be acknowledging of yourself, and also redirecting your attention in the expression of what you want rather than what you are doing which is incorrect.
LETTY: Okay. Thank you very much. Yes, I kind of lost my train of thought or I went to the old automatic reaction, (Elias nods) and I recognized that, and at one point I just felt I couldn't turn it around. But I see where I was thinking I was paying attention to myself but I wasn't.
ELIAS: Correct. In this, as you acknowledge what you are creating - even in the creation of discounting of yourself - as you acknowledge that and do not move into judgment, but rather in the recognition of what you are creating allow yourself to pay attention to you and redirect your attention into what you want and moving your energy into an expression of that, you in actuality allow yourself to turn your perception.
In this, many times as you choose to be distracting of yourself in these types of moments and experiences, what you are objectively communicating to yourself is a reinforcement of that discounting, for you are creating a judgment upon what you have expressed in this discounting of yourself, and you move yourself into an action of distraction in relation to your judgment upon yourself, that this is bad that you are discounting of yourself. But this also is another reinforcement of that very action, and therefore the distraction does not accomplish what you wish it to be accomplishing.
LETTY: Okay. Now I just need to assimilate. (Elias laughs)
Okay, now, my original reason for needing to talk to you was because of the experience I created last Monday night, where the weather was windy and rainy, and one of my windows flew open. I freaked out, and I thought somebody was trying to get into my house.
And even though I do know I would not hurt myself, it's ... you know, we've been speaking now for the last many sessions of the noises I hear. I'm beginning to understand the energy I feel, but that one time that I physically saw something happening to the windows of my house, I got very, very frightened. I know that anything that would happen to me would be my creation, and in one of the transcripts ... I'm finally beginning to understand how I create other individuals, that if somebody were to break into my house, I'd be creating his actions, the individual that was trying to either harm me or harm my home.
So I went into my automatic reaction of paranoid, instead of realizing that maybe I was just trying to attract my attention the way I sometimes do, to where ever I was at that moment. I guess I want your validation that what happened was me, and not an agreement with anybody else trying to scare me.
ELIAS: You are correct. Now; in this, you have offered yourself a physical example in imagery to be gaining your attention in relation to what you are creating within yourself, and you have offered yourself an emotional communication.
Now; be recognizing, Castille, the emotional expression that you experienced was not a reaction to the physical imagery. It was an expression of communication, offering to you an identification of what you have been creating, and continue to be creating, inwardly in several different areas of associations and expressions.
The imagery of the window occurs simultaneously as the abstract objective imagery, to be creating a physical event in conjunction with the communication that you offer to yourself in the emotional expression; and what you have communicated in that emotional expression was an identification of your associations in being a victim of yourself - not necessarily of other essences or other individuals, or what other individuals may create, or what may be created through different circumstances, or even what may be created through events that you identify or label as nature - but that your fear is expressed in association with your movement and identification of yourself within the role of being a victim of yourself.
Now; this expression of being a victim of yourself is created within you in association of many different actions, interactions, and creations. You create this association of victim to yourself in relation to your relationship with Leezar, your relationship with Paul, at times your relationship with Marta, at times your relationship with Cindel - also your relationship with yourself and your creation of physical affectingnesses, which you continue in some aspects to view that although you are creating these physical affectingnesses, you are discouraged with yourself that you are not creating different expressions and that you are not creating your reality well enough yet, and therefore you create an association of being a victim to your own creations.
Now; as this is a strong association that is affecting of you in many different directions, you have offered yourself an emotional communication to be identifying what you are creating and the associations that you create, and you have coupled that with objective physical imagery to emphasize the message and gain your attention.
For in actuality, the reason that you engage challenges and difficulties in association with other individuals in relationship with them is not concerning their choices or what they are creating, but how you assume those choices that other individuals create, pull them to yourself, and turn your association of their choices into a doubt and discounting of you, and this creates the expression of becoming a victim of yourself.
ELIAS: Even in situations in which you view interaction of another individual, such as Paul as an example, in which you create an emotion of agitation or irritation, what you are expressing to yourself in that emotional communication is not an irritation with Paul or Paul's choices. It is an irritation with yourself, and the communication that you are expressing to yourself is an identification that you are disappointed within yourself that you are not offering yourself the ability and the choice to be accepting of another individual and to be holding your attention to self.
LETTY: I feel like the hamster on a wheel!
ELIAS: (Laughing) And let me express to you, my friend, not necessarily. For in this, you are providing yourself with information and the opportunity to view what you are creating and how you are creating certain aspects of your reality, and the opportunity to listen to, to pay attention to, and to notice your own communications that you offer to yourself, and this creates the opportunity for choice and moves you out of the role of victim.
Therefore, you are not spinning your wheels, so to speak, but you are offering yourself more information concerning how you create your reality in automatic responses, and the identification of the definitions of these actions, what in actuality they are.
And therefore, as you allow yourself the recognition of these movements, you also offer yourself the opportunity to move your attention to yourself and create choices, rather than locking yourself into automatic responses and denying yourself choice.
LETTY: So Elias, did I remove the screen on the window? I did it, didn't I?
ELIAS: All that occurred in this event was an expression of your energy expressed outwardly to create an event in objective imagery.
LETTY: Wow. Well, it did hold my attention! (Elias laughs)
I've been paying attention that I've been getting a lot of little triggers, and it gets exciting because I recognize it: trigger, trigger, trigger, you know, back to self. (Elias smiles) But obviously I needed a ... I wasn't paying attention to certain things. I do realize that my relationships with people, how I put a lot of attention to that, and I guess that's again not paying attention to self.
ELIAS: Let me express to you, Castille, there is an automatic association that individuals within physical focus create in relation to the subjects of holding their attention upon self and how that shall be affecting of their attention in relation to other individuals. The automatic association is that if you are paying attention to self, you shall not be paying attention to other individuals, or your ability to be paying attention to other individuals shall be hindered, and this is quite incorrect.
For in actuality, in paying attention to yourself and continuing to hold your attention upon self, noticing all that you are communicating to yourself in each moment, all that you are creating and all of your expressions, associations and behaviors, you, in actuality, allow yourself to be paying attention to other individuals also more clearly and without judgment.
LETTY: I had a dream a couple of nights ago which had to do with Leezar and all his family and me together, and yet I had to go on my own, leave by myself, because I had to travel by myself some place else. Is this part of my imagery to myself? Because I haven't been able to objectively recall a lot of my dreams lately, and I thought it was interesting that I did remember that one. I didn't quite understand it that night, and I thought I'd ask you; but as we go around talking about this, was I trying to communicate also to myself that ... I mean, the imagery of being off to myself was trying to pay attention to myself and not being with other people and not pay attention the way I have been?
ELIAS: Correct. Now; this is not to say that you need be creating this actual type of physical imagery or physical expression of removing yourself physically from other individuals, but that there is significance and importance in your allowance of yourself to be holding your attention upon self even within interactions with other individuals.
LETTY: Yeah, sometimes I feel like the only way I can do that is being alone, but I think I'm doing that out of fear, too.
ELIAS: Let me express to you also, many individuals do, in actuality, create a temporary time framework in which they may be holding their attention upon self by not interacting with other individuals, and this is a movement that is understandable in relation to your beliefs and how you associate within your physical dimension, for you do create singularities in your associations. Therefore, you may experience challenges in attempting to pay attention to yourself and also be interactive with other individuals.
What I am expressing to you is that it is not impossible, and that in actuality you do have a tremendous capacity and ability to be creating that type of action in which you continue to be interactive with other individuals, but you also allow yourself to be paying attention to you.
In this, I am merely expressing to you that many individuals do incorporate a temporary time framework in which they remove themselves from interaction with other individuals, allow themselves to be paying attention to themselves for a time framework in which they may become familiar with the action of paying attention to themselves, and view that they do not incorporate distraction from this type of movement; and once gaining some objective familiarity with the action of holding their attention upon self, they subsequently allow themselves to reintegrate in interaction with other individuals.
But this, in actuality, is not a necessary type of expression, for as I have stated, you do hold a tremendous capacity and ability to be expressing holding your attention to self and also simultaneously continue to be interactive with other individuals.
In either choice of scenario, I may express to you that this is an unfamiliar action. Your familiar association is to be holding your attention upon other individuals and situations and circumstances outside of yourself. Therefore, in either scenario you may incorporate challenge in the actual movement and creation of turning your attention genuinely to yourself. For even in the situation in which an individual may choose to be not interactive temporarily with other individuals and create a separation and a singularity within themselves, you automatically create distractions of your attention. You incorporate actions that hold your attention outside of yourself.
You may express to yourself, "I choose this day to move in an expression of incorporating a trip to the park alone with myself, and I shall be present with myself and shall be paying attention to myself as I individually journey to the park." And in your travel to the park, you may be incorporating a thought process concerning your job or the action of traveling to the park or what you may be incorporating once you return home from the park; and once you arrive at the park, you may be watching other individuals within the park and their interactions, you may be noticing your physical environment, you may be watching the expression of traffic, so to speak - and all of these actions are outside of you. You may be alone, not interacting with another individual in your terms, but you also are not paying attention to you and what you are creating.
But your automatic association is that you ARE paying attention to yourself - but you are not. You are not noticing what your communications are. You are not paying attention to YOUR presence, YOUR energy, your physical expression, your input of information through all of your senses. You are holding your attention upon all that is in action outside of you.
LETTY: Sounds so familiar, Elias. (Elias laughs) So familiar!
ELIAS: Therefore, it matters not. The challenge exists in paying attention to yourself, even in creating a situation in which you are not interactive with other individuals.
LETTY: Well, thank you. That does help me, because although it was so familiar and I've been doing it in such an automatic way ... yet I thought by being alone so much of the time - which I enjoy being alone - how I really was not paying attention to myself. Thank you so much, Elias.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend.
LETTY: I have a question. Going back to creating a victim within myself, I have a question that I think is related to this, and it's speaking of employment. As you know, there's tremendous movement in the company that we all work with, and lately I'm not sure how to even ... I guess it's because I wasn't paying attention to myself, where I want to go, and I don't know what I want. I think sometimes part of this is the fact that there is a good possibility that I am creating myself out of a job with this particular company.
Does that have something to do with being a victim, or just being lost and not knowing what to do, or I think I don't know? I'm just ... that's really confusing because I know I'm creating it.
ELIAS: Now; I may express to you, this is not entirely an association with being a victim to yourself, but it is associated with paying attention to yourself and listening to your communications.
In this, you express that you do not know what you want, and I may express to you, objectively this may be correct for you are not listening to your own communications, but this is not to say that you may not know what you want. For as you allow yourself to be paying attention to yourself and paying attention to your communication with yourself through your creation of imagery and your emotional communications, you may also allow yourself to explore these communications and define what you want.
LETTY: Hmm. Actually what you're saying is that I'm also recognizing that I do pay attention to myself, but I'm allowing outside of myself to influence me.
ELIAS: Correct. Now; in this, the challenge is not necessarily the recognition of the communication and what you are expressing to yourself and the identification of what you want. The greater challenge lies in not discounting what you want, and expressing to yourself permission to create that regardless of your associations with what you want.
For many times individuals may be in actuality identifying within themselves what they want, but subsequent to that identification there is an immediate discounting and an expression of, "Ah, but I cannot create that. This is impractical, unrealistic, and therefore I cannot create this." And at that moment, you stop your exploration of what you want, for you deny your movement and your choice by expressing that you cannot, and you begin movement once again into the expression of being a victim to yourself, for the victim is the expression of the lack of choice, the denial of choice.
Therefore, you create this type of movement in not allowing yourself to explore the potentials and the possibilities in relation to what you want that may be expressed through choices that you do not see, for you have already stopped the availability of choice or the exploration of choice by expressing to yourself, "I cannot."
There are many expressions that hold involvement in this type of movement and association, for there are also underlying associations with the comfortableness of what is familiar, the fear and skepticism as to change and your ability to be creating what you want, safety in what is already known, unsuredness in relation to what is unfamiliar, and even expressions of worth, for there are automatic associations in relation to experiences in which you view you have not accomplished adequately enough.
All of these associations move into play underlyingly, and are affecting of your perception and are influencing of your movement into the expression of "I cannot."
ELIAS: Therefore, there is much to explore within your own communications to yourself, for these communications identify all these underlying movements and associations.
LETTY: I think you just answered my next question. For whatever reason, I decided to go get a physical, and my results came. As I expected, my health was perfect, but yet there is a belief system of high cholesterol in our society. It's a big one, and the doctor tried to maybe balance it by saying that my good cholesterol was so good and my bad cholesterol being so bad that it balanced itself.
Is this also a kind of an imagery of myself, of what I've been ... I do know that there are great moments when I do pay attention to myself, and then I say I can't, or it's hard for me, or I discount myself.
ELIAS: Correct, but you also offer yourself imagery in this situation concerning balance. Therefore, as you allow yourself to be recognizing these expressions of not balancing within yourself, you also shall be altering this physical expression.
LETTY: It's just more of a paying attention to self than paying attention to what I eat?
LETTY: Which I could've figured that one out anyway!
ELIAS: You need not concern yourself with the physical manifestation, for in paying attention to yourself you shall automatically be affecting of this physical expression.
LETTY: This is kind of like a fun question. Cindel and I have been talking about not creating trauma within ourselves about the communication to ourselves with this shift. But, so are we actually ... it's a validation that we are manipulating energy to a sense that at least we're moving in that direction?
LETTY: Good. Thank you very much. (Elias chuckles)
Well, Elias, I did have another dream that I forgot (laughing, and Elias laughs), so I guess I cannot ask! And it was just last night, and it sounded interesting this morning, but somewhere down the line I know I've answered it, too, or you've answered it for me.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Continue to be paying attention, Castille, and I shall express to you, direct your attention in concentration to your emotional communication, for this shall be quite valuable.
LETTY: Yes, and be nicer to myself!
ELIAS: Ah! (Chuckles)
LETTY: 'Cause I don't need to be a victim of myself! (Laughing)
ELIAS: Quite! Incorporate actions of fun if you are choosing to be distracting of yourself, for in the incorporation of fun you also reinforce your own validation within yourself.
LETTY: Okay. And this is also a validation to myself: when we speak at night through my ... or actually at any time now through my smoke detector, I'm pretty much following you, right?
ELIAS: Yes. (Smiling and chuckling)
LETTY: Okay. I just wanted to hear you say that, too.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha!
LETTY: Thank you!
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
LETTY: Really, I'm not scared because I know you're always here.
ELIAS: You are correct!
LETTY: Yes. Yes, that I do know.
ELIAS: And you also are present, and your energy is quite powerful.
LETTY: Yes. (Elias chuckles) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. I anticipate our next meeting, and I shall continue to be encouraging to you and offering my expression of energy and communication with you in the interim.
LETTY: Okay. (Elias chuckles)
ELIAS: To you in tremendous affection this day, au revoir.
LETTY: Au revoir.
Elias departs at 1:20 PM.
(c)2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2001 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.