Thursday, November 30, 2006 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Alicia (Tisara)

ELIAS: Good morning!

ALICIA: Hello, it’s so good to hear your voice and to feel your energy because it feels like it’s been a long time, although it really hasn’t. (Elias laughs)

ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?

ALICIA: Well, I may sound like I’m all over the place here, but I have a central issue, I think, that has many tentacles—if that makes any sense.

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: And so what I want to do is I want to share this impression that I’ve been having lately of where I think I might be stuck and see what your viewpoint is on the matter, and maybe if you agree you can offer me some clarity. And if you don’t agree, you can still probably offer me some clarity. (Elias laughs) Perfect.

By the way, thank you for the blue balloon.

ELIAS: You are welcome.

ALICIA: You know what? I was on a high after that. It was sort of like getting a bouquet of flowers from your boyfriend! (Both laugh) Not that “This is Elias,” but it felt very supportive to me and it really was very helpful and meaningful to me, so thank you, thank you! (Elias laughs)

All right, so here’s my impression: One of the things that I am noticing about myself is that there are times when my energy feels very heavy. Now, there are times when it also feels more expansive, but there are times when it feels very lethargic and so it’s the opposite of expanding. And it’s more like a fixed rigidity.

Okay, so that’s one part that I’m noticing. Then I think to myself, “Damn, I brought myself to the Elias material because I really hold a yearning and a longing to widen and expanding in remembering who I really am and to reconnect with my essence,” so I’m putting this together that there are times when I feel like I’m working at cross purposes with myself.

And then an idea popped into my head—it’s been sort of low-grade fear or issue, and for whatever reason now it’s coming out more strongly—which is I have, I think, since I don’t completely understand me and I obviously haven’t widened completely, I can’t imagine … I’m trying to figure out the word I want to say here … I’m holding myself back; I’m holding onto myself from widening and expanding because I have this fear that in doing so, with 931 focuses, that I am going to lose or dilute my current focus of Alicia within the vastness of Tisara.

And this is especially true in terms of—although I don’t plan on doing this any time soon—disengaging and moving through transition. And I know that I’ve read earlier transcripts where you have said it’s not like in disengagement you merge into the mothership, but I have a hard time trusting that Alicia—who I’ve decided I’m very fond of and very focused on—will not become more diluted in the process and that as my view of myself gets larger, the experience of the presence of Alicia will grow fuzzier and more blurry because my attention will broaden. So I reactively hold myself within being more tightly ego-bound, which I guess I’m putting together thinking it sort of slows down the expansion that I desire.

So it’s kind of a conflict. And I guess I’m bringing it to you because of what I consider to be sort of an existential fear that I’m having impacts on how much I allow myself to play with any furthering shifting movements. So I was wondering, does it make sense to you?

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Number one.

ELIAS: And I would also express to you that it is not unusual that incorporating a fear of the loss of identity can be quite strong, and the holding to your individual identity is quite natural and purposeful. That, as I have expressed previously, is NOT what occurs in the action of death.

No element of you is lost other than the physical body consciousness. And even that—generally speaking for a time framework subsequent to disengaging—you continue to create, for you continue to create the objective awareness, and in that you create imagery which includes your own image of your body consciousness, which appears quite real and quite solid and quite alive.

But even in movement into transition: that action is an action merely to shed the beliefs and the objective awareness associated with this reality, and therefore allowing you the freedom to move, AS YOU, into other directions and other areas of consciousness in whichever direction you choose, which may be another physical reality—a different physical reality—but it is YOU that will continue in whichever direction you choose.

In this, what becomes the most confusing element in regard to essence is that you, in like manner to many, many, many, many individuals, generate a separation between yourself in this physical manifestation—Alicia, and your essence.

One of the factors in that is that there are two names. Therefore, with two names, that creates an automatic association of separation. Therefore the essence is perceived to be this umbrella, so to speak, and hanging from the umbrella are all of these physical manifestations which are all separated from each other but are all connected to this umbrella. But the umbrella is a separate entity. Even though you are attached, it is perceived as a larger separate entity from yourself.

ALICIA: Right, I think that’s a good picture of how I … because I guess I know that Tsiara’s me and I’m Tisara. But, hmmm … I am hanging off of this umbrella …

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: … (inaudible) the separation.

ELIAS: Yes, which in actuality, as I have expressed many times, you as essence are entirely in this manifestation. It merely appears that there is separation, for you are participating in a reality that incorporates in its blueprint linear time. Therefore this allows you to create in association with separation.

All of these other focuses of you, being simultaneous, are all present in you. This is also the reason that you can access them easily, and it is the reason that you can draw upon any of those energies easily, or that there can be bleed-troughs easily, for it actually is merely a matter of attention. And any attention is, in its individual expression, ultimately important. Therefore each identity is ultimately important and that is the significance OF separation.

Separation, in association with your reality, is very beneficial, for …

ALICIA: (Inaudible) what I need to figure out.

ELIAS: … for it allows you to fully experience each attention in detail and in intensity, which is the design of your reality. That is not lost in any measure in disengaging from this reality.

ALICIA: The detail and intensity isn’t lost in disengagement?

ELIAS: No. And the identity is not lost either. Your identity—you—continue and YOU continue to generate choices in HOW you will continue in what direction you choose to explore.

ALICIA: Oh, Alicia, not just Tisara!

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Alicia will! I still have the choice of continuing to make choices about experience!

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Oh see, you know what? That’s good to clarify because I think what I was thinking is once I die, it’s Tisara making the decision about what’s next.

ELIAS: (Chuckling) No, YOU!

ALICIA: All right, well that’s more helpful. But then how…. Tisara is what then? She’s not the umbrella.

ELIAS: No. It is all you!

ALICIA: And would you say that this confusion—or fear or concern or whatever—that I’ve been holding has impacted my allowing myself to engage in more experiences of shifting?

ELIAS: You are shifting.

ALICIA: I guess I am.

ELIAS: But …

ALICIA: Sometimes I feel like I’m four hundred pounds way down to the ground.

ELIAS: I am understanding, and at times this misunderstanding—which has generated some fear—has created some hindrances which is the reason that you feel this heaviness. But it is not actually preventing you from expanding and from shifting. It is merely hindering you from engaging some actions that, in actuality, are not necessary …

ALICIA: Really? (Laughing)

ELIAS: … but that you may want to engage.

ALICIA: Right, for the fun of it.

ELIAS: Correct, but it is not necessary for widening your awareness and for shifting, just as …

ALICIA: And that’s something that I think that I am widening, even though I’m not having these…. I guess what I’m looking for is altered states. But I’m able to put things together better. Like, I was talking to (inaudible) significant recently of an example of my shifting. I missed a session with Michael and there wasn’t any communication, and I was left sort of in limbo for a few days, which had happened to me a year ago.

But a year ago—and you had talked to me in Chicago about how I felt like I wasn’t part of … what was keeping me from talking to Michael was that I felt like I didn’t deserve to even be talking you, and I was putting up these barriers. And this time around I said, “Oh well, something will get straightened around. In the meantime, what I’m going to do is I am going to go up to my room very quietly and I’m going to have a session with Elias myself.”

And I think what I’ve been doing is accessing my essence where I’ll write stuff, and I know I’m not channeling or having an energy exchange because I’m fully conscious, but it feels like I’m getting answers. And then I came downstairs and I felt this incredible lightness and energy of like, “Boy, I could really clean out this whole house, including doing my kitchen floors.” (Elias chuckles) And I thought, “This would not have happened a year ago,” but what I think maybe—and I’ll just ask you: was that an example of reconfiguring the energy?

ELIAS: Yes! And you ARE accomplishing significantly and I am tremendously acknowledging of you.

ALICIA: Oh, thank you!

ELIAS: For you …

ALICIA: And the other thing was that my car got broken into and, again, I would have flipped out, thought, “Oh, how am I going to get this fixed? It’s going to be too much money, yada, yada, yada,” let me dance around with a bottle of wine and try to distance myself from it, and I came home and I just had this trust that everything would turn out all right and appreciate the guy that helped me clean up all the broken glass and put the plastic over it where it had been vandalized, and the next day things happened very easily in terms of getting it fixed. And I thought, “Now, there again I’m trusting—that’s an example of trusting,” and I probably created this …

ELIAS: Yes, you did.

ALICIA: … to show myself, by contrast, how I AM shifting …

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: … at times when I doubt myself.

ELIAS: Yes, this is precisely what you are doing and that allows you to validate yourself, and in that it reinforces your trust of yourself, and therefore reinforces your strength.

ALICIA: Right, and that’s the other thing I notice, when I sit down—and I try to do this more than once a week—where at the beginning of my day I’ll sit down with a pad of paper and try to tune in—and I think it’s my essence—and things will … I’ll write out certain comments or directions or whatever, and after I do that I always feel so joyful.

ELIAS: Yes!

ALICIA: So am I reconnecting with Tisara?

ELIAS: Yes! And that is quite real and quite valid.

ALICIA: All right. Are there any times when I connect with Ambrolina (?) during any of those, or is it mostly my essence?

ELIAS: Generally, it is accessing you as essence, yes.

ALICIA: And that’s where the joy comes in. I also feel like at least once a week I am creating joy.

ELIAS: Congratulations!

ALICIA: Like yesterday, it was just like this buzzing high over nothing (Elias laughs). But I was just feeling this trust and appreciation of myself, which is VERY new, being the discounting queen. (Elias chuckles) I guess I AM shifting.

ELIAS: Yes, you are!

ALICIA: But I’m having this hard time, like, having these moments where I can access my other focuses, which I feel like I sort of want to do because that would make me know myself in total.

ELIAS: Yes, and you can. You have merely created a temporary obstacle in generating the fear of losing your own identity.

ALICIA: Right.

ELIAS: But in knowing that you will NOT lose your own identity, you can relax and allow yourself to access other focuses.

ALICIA: Okay. Well, speaking of other focuses, I have a couple of questions here before we.… Oh, one other question about this fear of being destroyed: Is that connected to presenting my oldest son’s behavior where he fidgets so much that he is constantly breaking stuff in my house?

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Okay. And is that also my concern or fear—I was talking with Michael about this just a short time ago—the clutter that I have a hard time dealing with in my house, with my kids not picking up. Is that because this fear of losing myself gets triggered in looking at all of these things scattered everywhere?

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Man, I’m getting really good!

ELIAS: Congratulations!

ALICIA: I’m so proud of myself! (Elias laughs)

Okay, a couple of questions. Last year I was meditating…. Oh, another thing is my essence or something keeps telling me that I need to meditate more. So I don’t know—maybe that’s because it helps me relax or whatever, but when I was meditating last year, the name Agamemnon came up to me as I was using it as a mantra. So I was wondering if I had any focuses connected with Agamemnon?

ELIAS: Connected with, yes.

ALICIA: In a major way or a minor way?

ELIAS: Minor, but with a strong admiration.

ALICIA: Okay. And then yesterday, all of a sudden the name Attila the Hun came to my head, so I am wondering what the connection is there.

ELIAS: You do incorporate a focus connected with that individual in more of a major role.

ALICIA: Infamous or not? You know, Attila the Hun was not the nicest people.

ELIAS: That would be a matter of perception, would it not?

ALICIA: I guess so, but …

ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha!

ALICIA: … but traditionally.

ELIAS: I would express that your connection with this individual would be in the capacity of a friend and comrade.

ALICIA: Okay. And I’ve always wondered if I had any connections to the writer Kathrine Mansfield?

ELIAS: Observing.

ALICIA: Observing. And then I wondered if I had a focus—I think a dream made me wonder about this—a French writer by the name of Jean-François Marmontel?

ELIAS: (Pause) A family member.

ALICIA: You did say that I did have some famous focuses as writers?

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Would that be American or European? Or Asian?

ELIAS: (Pause) One American, one Asian, two European.

ALICIA: And these are famous?

ELIAS: Yes.

ALICIA: Holy shit!

ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha ha!

ALICIA: Well that’s a lot of writers, given the fact that…. Well, that explains why I like writing so much. (Elias laughs)

All right, let’s see if I have anything else until the next time…. Well, nothing’s coming to my mind except thank you. (Elias laughs) I really feel like I’m beginning to experience some changes, which I’m grateful for.

ELIAS: I would express to you, my friend, credit yourself and acknowledge yourself, for you have generated SIGNIFICANT movement and expansion in the time framework that we have been interacting. And from the time framework of our last objective meeting in physical proximity, you have generated considerable movement. This is to be greatly acknowledged.

ALICIA: Oh, thank you, I do. But here’s another change: I’m (inaudible) acknowledge myself most readily, but I’m still going to acknowledge you!

ELIAS: Very well, (Alicia laughs) that is acceptable.

ALECIA: Okay, very good!

ELIAS: Ha ha ha!

ALECIA: Well, you’re a great friend of mine, I consider.

ELIAS: And I express dear friendship to you also. In great …

ALECIA: (Inaudible) in more ways than one.

ELIAS: (Laughing) As always! In great lovingness and in tremendous appreciation, my friend, au revoir.

ALICIA: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 28 minutes)

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Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.