A Shift Toward Deeper Relationships
Topics:
“A Shift Toward Deeper Relationships”
“Lightning Bolt Dream Symbolism: The Powerful Influence of Relationships”
“Evaluating What Is Genuinely Important in All Relationships”
“Being Responsible to You: Being Who You Want to Be and Empowering Others”
Monday, December 4, 2023 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and John O. (Arry)
“Part of being responsible to you is being responsible for your behavior, your choices, your actions, your expressions. And in that, in being responsible and aware of all of that, it's a matter of genuinely being who you want to be.”
“When you are genuinely being responsible for you, the automatic byproduct of that is doing no harm to others. But more than doing no harm, also empowering them, and witnessing them, and moving in expressions in which you afford them everything you afford to yourself.”
ELIAS: Good morning!
JOHN: Good morning.
ELIAS: And how shall we begin, my friend?
JOHN: I've got a dream experience that I wrote down from a few weeks ago that I had forgotten about until I looked at my notes, and it triggered somewhat of a memory of this that I had wanted to ask you about. When I woke up I didn't really remember much of the dream at all; all I remembered was my mom was somehow involved, my sister was somehow involved, and something very intense was happening.
But the part that I do still remember when I reread this was the image of this symbol, and I don't remember the context of how I saw it or what it was doing in the dream. All I remember is just seeing the symbol and feeling this sense of an intense experience related to my mom and my sister. It was not a realistic lightning bolt, but how I interpreted it was like kind of the way that we symbolize a lightning bolt if we were to have a symbol as part of a logo or something, like a jagged kind of ‘S’ almost thing. It seemed very powerful or important in the moment.
I remember that it was multicolored and... What I wrote down and what I kind of remember was there was a lavender-ish or purplish part of it, and there was also a red part of it, like a very deep, vibrant red. It was this lightning bolt symbol that was multicolored and seemed very important. I had no impressions or anything about what it was, but I wrote it down because it just seemed very vivid. So, yeah. What was that about?
ELIAS: And your assessment, or your impressions?
JOHN: I haven't really had any, and the only thing that's coming to mind right now as I'm talking about it is… I had asked you a couple of sessions ago, I don't remember exactly, but I had had a dream or a projection to another focus where I was a child and I had injured someone else with this tool or this weapon, and we talked about that. I wouldn't say it's the same by any means, but somehow the sense that I got about this symbol had some kind of similar sense. I don't necessarily think it was connecting to another focus or that the symbol was a weapon or anything, but… I really don't know. It seemed very strange but important, and I still don't really know.
ELIAS: Very well. The symbol of the lightning bolt is about power, and the vibrant colors with it is symbolizing being all-encompassing.
In this, I would say that it's about the power of relationships and how they influence individuals in very powerful capacities. That can be, in your assessment, good or bad, but it was a dream that was generating the symbols of using your mother and your sister as examples of how people influence each other in relation to relationships and how powerful that energy is, and the lightning bolt symbolizing the emphasis on that power – which I would say is quite apropos in relation to how you have been exploring relationships and complements and how people influence each other.
JOHN: Hm. Yeah, it's interesting hearing you say that. I mean, it's always interesting in hindsight hearing you explain something, but I guess in a way that does kind of feel appropriate for the sense that I had from the dream, because I feel like the colors I associated with the lightning bolt were associated with them too – like the lavender-purple energy felt very symbolic of my sister, and the red felt very symbolic of my mom, and those were the colors that I remember seeing very vividly so that just makes a lot of sense. Interesting. Thank you.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
JOHN: (Hesitatingly) I've been trying to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling about this conversation, and I'm just going to try to articulate it as best I can, but the last few days I have felt... (pause) I don't know, it's hard to differentiate whether it's one or the other or a combination of both, but I feel a sense of... simultaneously wanting to… go deeper, in a manner of speaking, in this conversation or maybe moving forward in our conversations. I think I'm craving something that I guess I would just call a deeper level. But also, over the last few days I feel like… yesterday, specifically, as I was thinking about our conversation and I felt like my energy the last few days has just kind of been noticeably... I've been very tired, and I just feel some deep sense of something feels like it's shifting. And I don't know if I'm just reading into that or making that up, but I guess...
I'm curious if I'm picking up on something that is shifting in me lately, more recently, and somehow it feels related to our conversations and also wanting to... talk about things on a different level, or maybe I'm ready to address things on a deeper level or something along those lines. I feel like I could ramble on and on about trying to articulate it, but that's kind of the sense that I have. So I'm curious what you would say to that, or if you could articulate what I'm feeling more than I can.
ELIAS: First of all, I would ask you, what is it that you want to discuss? I understand what you're expressing, and what I would say to that is that you likely ARE ready to discuss subjects perhaps on a deeper level – but WHAT subject?
JOHN: (Laughs) Well... I don't have a particular one. I mean, all of the things we've been discussing for a long time still feel present. I mean, it could go the direction of the business and all of that path; it could be related to my relationships with my family; it could also be related to partnership. I feel like those are still kind of the three main topics that I'm involved in on a daily basis at this point in my life and things that are most important to me.
But I also… It was interesting, I listened to your conversation with Vivette from last week. I just listened to it yesterday as I was pondering all of this and thinking about this and just kind of trying to tap into what it is I'm feeling. And I think there was something interesting to me about that, in you talking about how she's not ready to address to something, whatever that was. I was very curious also.
ELIAS: She's very curious also.
JOHN: Yeah, right. And I think for a long time I've been aware that you've talked about this very directly with people over the years about how you don't always share certain things with them because they're simply not ready, or you might phrase things in a certain way that might not even be the most accurate, but it's the way that they can understand it in that moment. I've just been aware of that for a while, and I've definitely wondered for myself what are the things that I'm not aware of, or what are the things that I'm not ready to address to or... or maybe not address to things on the level that I could be.
So I guess, yeah, just in general, I just feel very tapped into that that sense. I don't feel attached to talking about any particular thing in this conversation, but those are the main topics that are still very relevant, and I could say things about them, but I think more so I was just curious if... Again, maybe I'm just reading into this, or maybe there's something actually happening, but I just feel this sense of... maybe something feels like it's shifted more recently, like just even in the last few days in myself, that I feel like I'm wanting to or ready to move more in a deeper direction in some way. I still feel like it's a very convoluted way to say it. I don't feel like I'm articulating myself very well, but...
ELIAS: I would say you are, but you're also being... vague.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: I would say that I understand what you're expressing, but in this, what I would say to you also is... I would express, please don't ask the question, “Tell me something that I'm not aware of.” (Laughs)
JOHN: (Laughs) No...
ELIAS: Because that is a pointless question. If you're not aware of it, then you're obviously not ready to hear something. And in that, I would say that it's a matter of you choosing the subjects, and based on the subjects that you choose, I definitely will offer you information. And I would say to you, genuinely, that I'm also aware when you're ready to move in deeper layers of different subjects. And generally speaking, it's a matter of recognizing that usually when you're not ready to look at something, it's something that's directly in front of you. (John chuckles)
I would say that for you, that's not necessarily the situation. We've been moving in directions of exploring deeper layers of expressions. I would say in our last conversation when you were speaking about your friends and the difference between how they were expressing themselves and how you were, in a manner of speaking, expected to engage them, that also involved the subject of – indirectly – your father, as you're aware, and in that with your one friend not necessarily wanting to move in directions that you were more comfortable with or that you wanted to engage, in telling him what to do and him not necessarily being receptive to that, and then also associating that with your father and how there are times when you want to move in a direction because you love him and because you are concerned for his health and wellbeing but that he doesn't necessarily want to move in the directions that YOU want him to move in and [how] that can be challenging at times. I would say that that may also be the situation to a degree with your sister.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: You would like to push that issue, and she's not necessarily ready to do that. And therefore it can be frustrating for you, whether it be with your father or your sister or with a friend who's a client, that you see what is important to you, and therefore you might want to move in a particular direction with each of them, but they might not be willing to do that.
JOHN: Right.
ELIAS: This is actually a significant life lesson, that this is something that not only will it come up in relation to your business, with clients, but it will likely also come up with relationships as you move farther in directions of generating, let us say, a romantic relationship and cultivating the complements with that type of relationship. Because of your awareness, you might want to move faster than another individual.
And let me also say to you that… this is also a matter of evaluating what is genuinely important to you and… what directions you move in with relationships. I would say that this will touch on all of those subjects: your relationship with family or friends and your business, and with romantic relationships and complements, because there are common factors with all of them. In this, the challenge, for you, is in each situation evaluating what is genuinely important to you – and that can be tricky, because on the surface it seems that certain things are important to you, when in actuality if you are looking at the individual situations and the individual people, what you might deem to be important might be different than you initially think.
In relation to business, you most definitely can have clients that are friends. But with clients that are friends, it adds a layer that is important for you to distinguish, that… you're not necessarily going to interact with those friends as clients in the same manner as you will with clients that are not friends. You will interact with them differently; therefore, it adds a layer in which you have to discern what is more important to you.
And in that, if the piece about instruction with them is ultimately important to you – which, that's entirely acceptable – then sometimes it will be a matter of… creatively expressing your instruction differently than you would with someone who is not a friend. That doesn't mean you have to be diplomatic, but it DOES mean that you have to genuinely look at the person and be able to evaluate them and how they think, and how they feel, and what they can hear, and what they will be the most responsive to. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, you almost have to step into MY role.
JOHN: Yeah, that's exactly what I was just about to say.
ELIAS: And I would say that this is the common factor in association with ANY of your relationships now, not only in association with your business but in association with family, with friends, with the possible development of romantic relationships. You are in a position now, in which... you're too aware and you know too much to simply allow yourself to not pay attention to the other person.
This is part of being responsible for you. It seems that – surfacely – I might be telling you to pay more attention to the other person and not yourself, but I'm not. Part of being responsible to you is being responsible for your behavior, your choices, your actions, your expressions. And in that, in being responsible and aware of all of that, it's a matter of genuinely being who you want to be.
Therefore, that little exercise that I have given so many people, including you, is much more important than you necessarily initially realized, because that is an exercise to prepare you in being more self-aware in how to be responsible for yourself. When you are genuinely being responsible for you, the automatic byproduct of that is doing no harm to others. But more than doing no harm, also empowering them, and witnessing them, and moving in expressions in which you afford them everything you afford to yourself.
That's another layer of becoming more self-aware. It's being aware of your own behavior and your own choices and your own expressions and what you're doing with them, and how you're responding to other individuals, what your expectations of them are, what your expectations of yourself are, and what you're doing with all of that. And with the expectations that you have of other people, are you engaging and using those expectations in manners that encourage another individual? Or do you use them in manners that are essentially weapons against them, meaning that you use them in capacities that they can't attain to? And if they can't, then you're using them as weapons. And these are expressions that all of you do in varying degrees and you're not even aware of it, because you don't think about it.
And how do you discern those things in your own assessments and your own behaviors and your own expectations? You decipher and discern that by paying attention to your communications. And what does THAT lead us back to? That feelings are signals, and that those signals are to alert you to your emotional communication, which is what? It is the statement about what you are doing in the moment.
Therefore, if you are frustrated with someone on a more consistent basis, not simply once in a while, if you are irritated with someone's expressions more consistently, these are indicators that you have some type of expectation of this individual that they're not meeting. (Pause)
Now, that doesn't mean that you have to necessarily alter your perception entirely; you could choose simply to stop interacting with that individual. But if you choose NOT to stop interacting with that individual, OR if you're in a position in which you perceive you can't stop interacting with that individual – generally that situation would be a family member in some capacity, or someone that you have a longstanding friendship with that perhaps you're beginning to outgrow but you don't necessarily want to dissolve the friendship. Therefore, it can be MANY different situations. But I would say, perhaps that is what you are moving in a direction of sensing, that you're ready to... see more, or to be more aware. (Pause)
JOHN: Well, you're articulating (laughs) a lot of things that I've been feeling, yeah.
ELIAS: And what are you thinking now?
JOHN: Well, that part in particular you just mentioned is something I've thought a lot about and been noticing since I've been back in Charlotte, that... There is something about my relationships in my general community of friends here that I still very much love and appreciate them, but I'm feeling a shift in myself of... hm… yeah, not necessarily wanting to dissolve the relationships but I'm less inclined to engage with them, at least in the ways that I have. I feel less interested in spending time in the same ways that I have and interacting in the same ways that I have or to the same degrees that I have. And I have definitely felt like I am wanting something more. I don't quite know exactly what that is, but...
ELIAS: Let me also say to you that as you become more self-aware, you begin to become more aware of differences between yourself and others. Now, that depends on who you are, but I will address directly to you that you, as I've expressed previously, my friend, are a thinker.
That's not simply a designation of intelligence. There are many intelligent people in the world, some even geniuses. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're thinkers. But, I would say that being a thinker requires intelligence. Therefore, you can be intelligent and not be a thinker, but you can't be a thinker and not be intelligent. Do you understand?
JOHN: I believe so.
ELIAS: Very well.
Now; in that, being a thinker, what that means is you question everything – and that's good. You think about everything. Whether it's something trivial and that seems insignificant, or whether it's something that appears to be life changing, it doesn't matter. It's something that you do and you ENJOY doing. Thinkers want to know the meaning of everything, regardless of what it is.
Now; as I said, you can be intelligent and not be a thinker, but you can't be a thinker and not be intelligent. Therefore, at some point, as you become more self-aware, and being a thinker, you begin to notice more the differences between yourself and other people, and then it's a matter of... genuinely looking at what is important to you. And in that, in regard to relationships, as I said, you might intellectually – and even emotionally – outgrow some of the people that you have established friendships with, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you would choose to disengage with those friendships. Therefore, what DOES it mean?
Then it's a matter of reevaluating, because this is where the expectations come into play. That's automatic. You automatically generate expectations of other people based on your assessment – and you're not thinking-ly evaluating this; you do it so quickly that you don't even realize you do it. And you've done it in past time frameworks. You do it whenever you meet someone. Within a very short amount of time you make an evaluation about the individual, about their intelligence, about their intellect, about their emotional capacity. And in that, you automatically generate expectations of them which are based on you, not them.
In that, it's a matter of then recognizing, what is your expectation of other people based on your evaluation of them? Therefore, what you have to do then is to actually look at the other person and look at yourself and what you've evaluated about that person: first of all, is it accurate? And then, what are your expectations of that evaluation?
And even if the evaluation IS accurate, your position is different now. Your self-awareness is different now. Therefore, it's not so black and white anymore. Therefore in that, even if your evaluation of the other individual is correct, it's still a matter of reevaluating again and deciphering whether your expectations of them are valid or whether your expectations of them are... something that they can't match. (Pause)
Because even if your evaluation of their intellect and their emotional capacity is correct, there are other pieces. There's their personality. There's the factor of THEIR self-awareness. There's the factor of what's important to them and what isn't important to them. There's the factor of what they are willing to engage and what they are not. And, in addition to that – and this piece you may not know specifics about, but you can somewhat ascertain a general factor – even if they are intelligent and they are expressing an emotional depth and they are SOMEWHAT self-aware, there's still a factor of their experiences that color what they can engage and what they can't. Therefore, you don't have to know what their experiences are. You can discern what they can express and what they can't by genuinely paying attention to them, in a more clear and, I would say in your terms, deeper capacity than you're usually accustomed to doing. Therefore, my friend, this would be your next step.
JOHN: Hm. (Chuckles) (Pause)
ELIAS: Being responsible for self is more involved than most people realize.
JOHN: Yeah, I'm starting to get that.
ELIAS: But, most people aren't at the point in which they can actually understand what being responsible to self really means. (Pause)
JOHN: Hm. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted...
ELIAS: Were you not ready for that? (Laughs)
JOHN: (Laughs) No, I was saying that whatever sense that I had of what I wanted this conversation to be you're nailing it on the head, and I'm grateful for that.
ELIAS: You are welcome. I have actually expressed that I would be responsive to you.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And that I would share with you. And in that, when you ask, I would offer, and you asked.
JOHN: Yeah. (Pause) Yeah. (Chuckles) I don't know if “pivotal” is the word – that sounds a little too dramatic, but this moment and this conversation and this time that I've been sensing feels like the shift that I was alluding to. I don't even know how to define it or articulate it, but it feels like everything that you just said, and everything that I'm feeling and noticing and sensing in response, is acknowledging that, and... Yeah, I feel aware of the depth of what's happening, even if I can't articulate it or define it.
ELIAS: I would say you definitely are ready, and that it might seem initially in this moment slightly beyond you yet, but it's not. It's simply that you likely require some bit of time to assimilate and to organize, in a manner of speaking, your thinking in relation to the information.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: But I have no doubt that you will do that relatively quickly, because you ARE a thinker. I would say that this is also something that you can acknowledge to yourself in relation to the people that interact with myself which ones you are more drawn to, because you're drawn to the other thinkers.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, I feel very complete with our conversation, and I will definitely be coming back to this to ponder more deeply, so thank you for all of that.
[Question for another person omitted]
ELIAS: Very well. And I shall be expressing my support with you, my friend, and anticipating our next conversation, which I incorporate no doubt will be fascinating. (Both laugh)
I encourage you tremendously, and I express also to you a very deep love and affection. In dear friendship, until our next meeting, au revoir.
JOHN: ’Bye.
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