Monday, January 9, 2023 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anon

[Greetings at beginning of session not recorded, and some more personal information omitted]

ANON: Okay, then let's dive into the topic. The main topic is establishing self-love and stopping self-harm.

ELIAS: Ah! That is an interesting subject.

ANON: Yeah, I have been reading a lot in the material already, like the session with Brigitt, and I have been reading the webinar content regarding self-love, so I have a basic foundation already. And the spark for that was that I had been very successfully shedding weight, and then at some point, with this yo-yo effect it started with me eating a little bit of sugar and losing the sensitivity for my body and then the temperature dropped. And my body was too cold, and I attempted to warm it up with different foods, to adjust the food that I was taking in, but I lost the feeling for my body.

And another phenomenon started to emerge that in the night, around midnight or past midnight, I suddenly had this hole inside myself, this desperation and hole inside myself – a very uncomfortable, sudden feeling. And I started to address to it, I started to deal with it in a constructive, beneficial way, but I failed completely. (Both laugh) I failed completely! It was not that I wanted to eat everything that I kind of had forbidden myself before, nothing at all.

I have a such a challenge with this hole. And I'm used to coping and dealing with strong emotions and I have learned a lot, and there is something remaining. I'm not sure if I even need perfectly to know where it's coming from. I thought what is really important for me now at this point in my complete journey, after all these years, is establishing self-love and stopping self-harm.

ELIAS: And I would ask you in that, How are you doing that at this point? How are you stopping the self-harm, and how are you establishing the self-love?

ANON: (Laughs) Well, it is not very established, yet. I'm just really in the early hours of this, because last night I had been reading something and I thought, “Oh my god, oh my god, great news! It's been there all along: Just relax. When you get tense, just relax. Start with relaxing.”

ELIAS: That's excellent. That's an excellent beginning.

ANON: Right. And appreciating yourself and acknowledging yourself and things like that. I mean, this is like brand new. This was last night, it's not even 24 hours ago. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: Excellent.

But I would say that it's also important to have some practical, actual physical actions that you employ, because yes, expressing relaxing and expressing appreciation is important, but especially in the beginning, that might not be enough.

ANON: No, definitely not. I thought, “Okay, I have to really establish a routine, and I have to train myself like you would train a horse with all these leashes and everything, and each time I would try to break out and go back into the old pattern I would have prepared what to do and how to handle that. For example, whatever happens at night, between 8 and 9 I prepare myself a bottle of warm tea which I will have ready when the hole kicks in.

ELIAS: Ah.

ANON: And then instead of eating, I would drink my tea or what have you.

ELIAS: That is an excellent beginning also.

ANON: Okay, now give me some tips which I might not yet have taught of.

ELIAS: Very well. Is it at night that it is the most prevalent that you would be moving in the direction of wanting to fill this hole?

ANON: Yes! Yes, it starts, I would say, earliest around close to midnight, but between like half past 11 and 1 o'clock or so, that's the most critical time. But I'm a night person, and I try to go to bed early and so that doesn't really work for me.

ELIAS: Very well. Then the matter of generating a different action rather than eating – a different action. In that, I would say, what do you genuinely like to do?

ANON: There are several things, it’s just that I don't necessarily DO them.

ELIAS: What are those several things?

ANON: Let's say, for example, I like to craft things.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: And I have my crafting stuff here, but this is the challenge I have to rise to, because all of this started when I was experimenting with free will. I thought, “I'm convinced that we have free will. Let's experiment with this.” And I was very successful until this hole kicked in. (Laughs)

ELIAS: Very well. What were you experimenting with, with free will?

ANON: For example, I had been taking on weight quite a lot, and I thought, “Oh fuck, I don't want this weight. I want to express my free will to want to shed the weight.” And I was successful!

ELIAS: HOW were you successful?

ANON: Well, I have informed myself. I've gotten a few tips how to handle it – for example, have some protein and something like chickpeas, I think it's called, that is substantial and will keep your body satisfied for a long time. And that worked very well; that worked really well. I had a lot of feta and chickpeas and salad and everything, and it was not at all troublesome for months and months and months and months to go in this direction.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: And when my body got slim again I felt like I was emerging, the genuine me in my sensitivity and everything was emerging, and then it was vanishing again. (Laughs) Okay.

ELIAS: I would say, begin small, meaning begin with one thing. Therefore, if you are up in the night and you want to be eating something, then begin with something such as the chickpeas. And in that, you're not denying yourself, because whenever you move in the direction of denying yourself, you're going to want it more.

ANON: I understand. I agree.

ELIAS: [Audio cut off] your first move in the direction of expressing allowing yourself to consume something such as the chickpeas. Then in that, don't prepare anything ahead of time, because if you have to prepare something, that requires time; therefore, that is an ACTION that consumes time, and in that, it's consuming time that you won't be eating.

ANON: I don't understand. Why should I not prepare something ahead of time?

ELIAS: That's what I'm saying. If you don't prepare something ahead of time, then that requires that you use that time in the night to BE preparing something. That requires you to use some of that time instead of eating.

ANON: No, this doesn't work. Do you mean that in the night I should start using the time to prepare something?

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: No, that doesn't work. That doesn't work.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: That doesn't work, because I'm instantly like an addict. I would look for something that I could eat, even if it would be frozen – frozen peas, whatever. I would eat like an addict, very quickly filling up this hole.

ELIAS: Very well. Very well, very well. Then I would amend that and I would express yes, it would be better for you to prepare something beforehand then. And in that, then consume your chickpeas when you are up at night, and in that, you aren't simply grabbing for anything, but that you are being very intentional about [audio cut off].

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Or something else that is also something that was successful for you before. In that, in preparing perhaps several different things, then you're giving yourself a variety and not only one thing that you can be consuming in that time framework, in those hours.

Now, the other piece is, while you're doing this, it's also important for you to be looking at what is the hole.

ANON: Yeah. Good that you say this.

ELIAS: It's important that you are addressing to the symptoms by giving yourself something to eat and something to do – that's important. But! It's also while you're doing that, it's important for you to be also looking for what the source of the hole is.

ANON: Yes, exactly. I mean, of course I have been reading everything available in the material, and I was astonished. You had one client, Lyla – Jean/Lyla – where you said the hole in her case, specifically, comes from not being acknowledged or seen or what have you, the exact term that that you used in her childhood, and I thought, “Oh my goodness! This is impressive that you would say that, that you wouldn't say something like ‘You long for essence and the reconnecting with your core, with your essence,’ but you would come almost like a psychologist and, quote/unquote, “just” relate it to her childhood.

Now, I have to add to that –

ELIAS: Let me say to you, because it has to do with the experiences that you have in this physical focus, and that's not something that should be ignored or denied that you have these experiences in your physical life.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: And they are affecting, and BEYOND being affecting, they also have lasting influences.

ANON: Yeah.

ELIAS: In that, you make associations.

Remember: I expressed this subject about associations quite some time framework ago, and I explained that all of you make associations with all of your experiences, and what you do is you label them good, or bad, or neutral. And in that, that association remains unchanged and influencing of you unless you address it. And therefore, many associations can be affecting of you for years and years and years; they can be influencing of you for many years in your life. And in that, children make associations that are based in their experiences, but they don't have the constructs yet to explain what is happening, or why.

ANON: Yes, yes. Okay. Having said that, –

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: I am aware that these things leave imprints and grooves, so to speak, on the physical level, and that you can re-pattern your grooves by addressing and everything. I also have in mind that we create our own reality, that we don't come into these focuses by accident, we are not victims; this is also what I have in mind.

And also I have in mind that sometimes I have the impression that you reveal to the clients who speak step by step as much as they can, let's say, cope with in any given moment. And this is my impression, that you might at first almost, in BIG quotation marks, “lie” to a client and say, “No, there is nothing,” because they wouldn't be able to cope with it in that moment, but later you would reveal, “Okay, at that point you wouldn't have been able to cope with it. NOW you have a much better foundation, now you have grown and evolved so much,” – my wording – “now we can go a step further and there has been something and now we are ready to address to that.” Is this…?

ELIAS: Correct.

ANON: Yeah. And then I thought, perhaps... because of course I see this hole, so to speak, like in a psychological context like a psychologist would explain it: “It has to do something with your childhood, etc.” But also I –

ELIAS: Perhaps. Perhaps, but perhaps not.

ANON: Yeah! But this is not my main point where I want to head toward, which is now coming.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: Which will be: In essence – I mean essentially – isn't it essentially we are longing for a reconnection or an experience of reconnection with our essence, which is like signaled to us with this experience of the hole?

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: What is your statement to that?

ELIAS: What I would say is, what you are partially – not entirely, but partially – describing is your desire, is that essential part of you – which, I've been expressing for quite some time, that is the engine that drives you. But for quite a bit of time I wasn't actually explaining that, because people were not ready to understand; they wouldn't understand. At this point, it is still something that is quite abstract to many people and that they still are having some difficulty in understanding, but I have been moving more in a direction of explaining about desire more recently. And what you're expressing is partially that, that you come into this focus not only with your individual intent in this focus, but you also come into this focus with a particular desire. Now, that desire is only about you.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: That's one piece of how it is different from your intent. You move in a direction with your desire of being in harmony with your intent, but it's not the same as your intent.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Now, in that, as I expressed, your desire is actually more your essential energy, which you could say, correctly, that that is you as essence. And in that, what I have expressed about that is that this is a part of you that is very focused in a particular direction, and that regardless of all of your experiences in your focus, this particular direction is ultimately important and you will do whatever is necessary for you to do to accomplish that – even if it means that you will temporarily suspend or move in opposition to your own guidelines.

ANON: Mm-hm, I understand. I understand.

I have a brief comprehension question.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: Okay, this desire: At the moment I'm a little bit blank regarding one point. Is this something which is also as individual as the individual intent? Or is the intent individually coloring the desire of each one – which the desire would be like reconnecting with the essence, experiencing the essence more in the individual focus, and the intent would be the coloration how you do that?

ELIAS: No. Now, I would say that they are in harmony with each other.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: But the intent is a direction that you want to explore within your individual focus. Your desire is more associated with your personality – you only. Your intent involves you with your world and with people and with things, and your desire is only about you.

ANON: Ah! Okay.

ELIAS: Your desire is geared in association with your personality in a particular focus, therefore it's very personal to you.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Therefore, it's also very simple, but in that simplicity it may be expressed in many different manners.

Let us say that your desire hypothetically is "to be a part of."

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Now, that seems to be an incomplete statement, or an incomplete sentence,

ANON: But you can you can apply it to each and every thing.

ELIAS: Correct. Correct.

ANON: Yeah.

ELIAS: Therefore in that, you might be in situations in which you are being stifled or you are being blocked from something, and therefore you might choose some extreme methods to move in the direction of accomplishing “being a part of.”

ANON: I understand. You might create a big disaster which the other need to be involved with to solve, and so they have to come back and what have you – something like that.

ELIAS: Yes, yes.

ANON: Okay, let's be specific. I'm not sure what is my desire. Did we ever address to that?

ELIAS: No, we did not.

ANON: Okay, let's talk about it. What is it? (Laughs)

ELIAS: Now, looking at your experiences – and this is.. This is an important point, because the most effective manner that you can define your desire is through, in a manner of speaking, adversity – meaning that at times when your desire is not being met, or not being fulfilled, you will engage in experiences that later you might be able to express to yourself, “I see why I did that.”

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: “I see how that actually moved me in this direction that was actually more of a benefit for me, even though that experience might have been horrific.”

ANON: The first term that came to my mind when I listened to you was "authentic," and the second term was “cooperative.” I don't know if there is in your book, so to speak, something to them, but the first term was...

ELIAS: I would say, you are correct with the first.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: That your desire, in this focus, is to be authentic. Now in that, remember! This is only about you.

ANON: Yeah.

ELIAS: It's not about anyone else, because your desire is only about you. And in that, when you feel that you can't be authentic, or that something is preventing you from being authentically you, then you will move in directions that will make… (deep chuckle) that will make a hole for you to move into.

ANON: Oh! I was just thinking, “How can we come back to the hole topic?” (Both laugh)

ELIAS: And in that, making a hole allows you to crawl into that direction of being authentic again.

Now; what I would say to you is, think about this hole that you are experiencing, and in that, when did it start?

ANON: Okay. I have observed in my life that whenever I have a greater chunk of challenge ahead of me I start to gain weight. And...

ELIAS: I understand, because that is presenting something to you that is questioning your authenticity.

ANON: Oh, okay. I was –

ELIAS: Something is questioning your authenticity. Now, that might be someone else.

ANON: Yeah. So in a sense, in hindsight I said to my partner, “Oh my goodness! If I had only paid attention, I would have like ‘smelled’ what's coming,” that something very challenging must be coming up for me which was not exactly initiated directly by myself but the topic was presented to myself. And as you say, there is everything interconnected – I make this connection.

ELIAS: Correct. And then, when it calls into question your authenticity – in any form – then it presents that hole. And what you do with the hole.... (Very energetically) The hole isn't something missing; the hole isn't actually something bad. You FEEL uncomfortable, and in that you have that hole, but the hole is actually –

ANON: A remedy.

ELIAS: It's like a tunnel.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: It's an avenue for you to move through whatever is calling into question your authenticity.

ANON: Okay, one moment please. The experience especially – the emotional and mental experience – is not like the hole would be something comforting, like a refuge, but it's quite the reverse. It's very sudden – in a second, so to speak, in the blink of an eye. It's complete desperation and the utmost unpleasant emotional experience you can ever imagine. Which like the addict I would want to stop, and I was experimenting with how to do that. But what you describe like a tunnel has a positive connotation, so to speak, but the experience is not comfortable and positive.

ELIAS: I understand. That's precisely what I'm saying to you, is that the experience is the recognition of that authenticity being called into question. That is a complete invalidation of you.

ANON: Yeah.

ELIAS: And that, I would express, likely feels horrific.

ANON: For me, yes.

ELIAS: Because it's completely invalidating you – completely. Therefore, calling into question your authenticity creates this horrific feeling, this experience of excruciating pain. And in that, you identify that with that there's a hole and you're attempting to fill up the hole with something such as food, because you're misinterpreting the hole. The hole is your way out. And in that, you're using your way out – which is understandable – you're using your way out with food, which temporarily is soothing.

ANON: It's soothing and it's numbing the pain in between. I mean, I'm still on the journey of free will and freedom. My intent is, you know, freedom also from, let's say, the compulsory, or what I perceive or experience in this moment as compulsory, which I allow myself for observational reasons and not forcing myself to do anything different than I can in any specific moment, but it's a part of the journey -- but the dynamic feels compulsory.

Now let's directly ask, Is there a connection to what happened then in this social context that I was presented with? Is it, or is it not?

ELIAS: Partially. That's one aspect, yes!

ANON: Okay. So what are the others?

ELIAS: I would say that another is… (pause) with your offspring.

ANON: That's what I mean by social...

ELIAS: Yes, but I would also say that socially with other people, when they misunderstand you or when they express misreading you, so to speak, or moving in a direction of expressing about you in manners that are incorrect – which you and I have discussed pastly – and people that move in directions of invalidating you, which then creates situations that make it difficult for you to maintain or to develop friendships, which we have discussed also.

ANON: Yes.

ELIAS: In that, all of these things... And your partner, at times – not always, but at times – is a contributant in the direction of that threat to your authenticity, the invalidating of that, and that creates this reaction.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: And it's very familiar, and therefore you move in certain directions that will be momentarily and temporarily soothing to you.

ANON: Okay.

ELIAS: Because you can't change an outside source.

ELIAS: Right.

ELIAS: That is the reason that it is so important that you are able to connect with you.

ANON: Okay. Two questions. First, part of the solution is to express myself by doing/expressing something that is genuinely me and is simultaneously fulfilling, right?

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: Okay. And the other point is, you brought up my offspring specifically; why?

ELIAS: Because this calls into question your authenticity – and this is simply a present situation. That's the only reason that I bring up that particular situation. It's not that that is something that has been a lifelong situation – no. This is a recent situation, and therefore it's significant to now.

ANON: Yeah, right. Okay, understood.

So to wrap it up, because of time reasons, addressing the hole: –

ELIAS: It's about changing your perception first of all. It's about beginning to realize that it's important for you to look at this hole, or to begin to make a new association with this hole that this is not something that needs to be filled up. It's a way through; it's an avenue through to get back to you and your authenticity.

ANON: So, how do you get through? You mentioned the imagery of tunnel.

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: Do you mean just sit with it? Or what do you mean?

ELIAS: No, it isn't simply a matter of sitting with it. I would say that no, it's a matter of perhaps visualizing. You could even use the inner landscape in this situation and it would be very successful. It's a matter of realizing that this hole is actually a way through to yourself, that instead of trying to fill up this hole with something, it's more a matter of you going INTO this hole and realizing that inside the hole is the genuine you. Outside of the hole is what's threatening that genuine you. Outside of the hole… Which is also why you are inclined to fill it up and plug it up, because in that, you're attempting to push something away, but you're pushing in the wrong direction, in a manner of speaking.

ANON: Okay. So in practical terms, what is your suggestion to go into the hole? You said the inner landscape? Okay?

ELIAS: Yes, I would say that most definitely.

And I would say, practically speaking, in the night when you are inclined to go and eat something, be practical, move in a direction of preparing your chickpeas ahead of time, and therefore you have something that is going to fill you up but is not going to add a considerable amount of weight.

Also, when you go into the kitchen, and you are getting your food, while you're eating your food be thinking about this hole as a tunnel and stop and engage it. Therefore, start to visualize that this is a way through to your authentic self. What's on the other side of that hole is glorious, it's glowing, it's bright and it's inviting. Therefore, this is not something bad or scary or off-putting; this is something that you can be eating your chickpeas and then be looking into that hole and beginning to move into it through a visualization, and telling yourself that this is your avenue to be you, to reach that authentic you that isn't being called into question, that isn't being threatened, and that is re-establishing the strength of it – and THAT is what will be genuinely satisfying and soothing.

ANON: Okay, one question.

ELIAS: Yes.

ANON: I try to imagine what might be on the other side, how the authentic self would be expressing itself, what I would discover, what would emerge on the other side, so to speak? And the idea that came to my mind was like as if an artist would have something emerge, an artistic expression.

ELIAS: Yes! Yes, I would agree with that.

ANON: And would you give me a little hint or a little teaser what that might be? One tiny sneak peek? (Laughs)

ELIAS: I would say, it's the most beautiful picture that you can imagine. I would say, think about your birds, and the most beautiful expression of bird that you can imagine with the most inviting song that you can [audio cut off], and that is what you can move towards.

ANON: A creative expression of beauty.

ELIAS: Yes, yes.

[The timer for the end of the session rings]

ANON: Wonderful, wonderful. We may go over time. I've agreed on that with Mary.

Okay, would you like to add something to it, or is this for the moment enough?

ELIAS: I would say that also, you can reinforce this in practical terms during the day with your actual birds [audio cut off].

ANON: Yeah.

ELIAS: Therefore, it's not only what you do at night, it's what you do always,

ANON: Yes. Yes.

ELIAS: And therefore, you can be also reinforcing it with your connection with your blackbirds.

ANON: My blackbirds?

ELIAS: Your crows.

ANON: Oh! (Both laugh) Do you have anything to do with the crows?

ELIAS: I do at times – not always, but at times I have been expressing my energy with them to reinforce you and to support you.

ANON: Yeah. Yeah, I had I had a feeling that when it was particularly rough in some peak moments that you were kind of flickering the lights or showing up through birds – not continuously, but essentially, so to speak.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

ANON: Yeah.

Okay. A few brief questions for enjoyment. Would you recommend an essential oil for lucid dreaming, for me specifically?

ELIAS: An essential oil for you… I would say a combination of rose and hibiscus.

ANON: Rose and hibiscus?

ANON: Yes.

ANON: Okay. Interesting. And my dream trigger...?

ELIAS: And...

ANON: Oh, my God! (Both laugh) I have no idea!

ELIAS: But that's the point, my friend, is that you have to look for it.

ANON: Okay. Okay, I’ll try. Then a brief question: Was Shakespeare one person or several?

ELIAS: That's a difficult question. I would say one person, but – there was another individual after Shakespeare's death that continued his work.

ANON: And it was published under the name Shakespeare?

ELIAS: Yes. Yes.

ANON: Okay, great. Then – you once gave me a personal gift in a session, and I don't find that session anymore. We agreed upon me not releasing that session and I don't want to verbalize what you gave to me because I'm not sure if I will release this session. But did you delete that session from my folder? I don't find it anymore.

ELIAS: I would say that you did until you genuinely completely find you, and then you will find that conversation again.

ANON: Ah! I didn't even find the other lost thing [that was mentioned in another session]. (Laughs)

ELIAS: I would say, you will find it again. You will make it reappear, but you will make it reappear when you have completely found you.

ANON: I see.

ELIAS: Therefore, I would say when you have genuinely moved through that hole – or that tunnel – you will likely find it.

ANON: Thank you! Elias, it's been a pleasure. We have to stop.

ELIAS: Very well.

ANON: It's been nice reconnecting with you.

ELIAS: I express so much love and affection to you, my dear friend. And I would express, perhaps it shall not be as long of a time framework until we speak again.

ANON: Yeah! I have a certain affinity for you, and affection! (Both laugh)

ELIAS: I have tremendous affection for you, my friend.

ANON: Thank you very much.

ELIAS: And I express tremendous support, and I will be offering my energy through the birds.

ANON: Thank you! It's quite enjoyable. Oh my god.

ELIAS: Very well, my dear friend, until our next meeting, in tremendous love and affection to you , and great support as always, au revoir.

ANON: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 1 hour 7 minutes)

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