The Effects of Trauma in a Relationship
Topics:
“Complements and Trauma”
“Defense Is an Oppositional Energy”
“Being Now and Observing”
“Pay Attention to How You Flow”
“Starting a Business with a Plan”
Tuesday, January 3, 2023 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and John (Arry)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
JOHN: Hello, hello. (Chuckles)
ELIAS: (Laughs) And how are you proceeding, my friend?
JOHN: Pretty well.
ELIAS: Excellent! (John laughs) Congratulations! And do share. (Chuckles)
JOHN: Well, I am back in North Carolina. I’ve been back for a few weeks. Yeah. It’s been an interesting adjustment but overall I feel really positive to be back.
ELIAS: Good.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: Congratulations.
JOHN: (Chuckles) Thank you. I’m just trying to think of where to start. I basically feel again kind of the same old mix of… There’s the business and training and all of that path, and that’s very much on my mind, very present, and then there’s the partnership, relationship complement path, which is also very much on my mind. But I’m going to start there at first and we will just see where it flows.
And kind of related to that, I had an interesting impression about Brittany. So I don’t remember exactly when I got this impression. I don’t think we were actually together when I had it, but anyway I wrote it down. But I have this impression of her and I in another focus where she was my partner and it felt like… I kind of got the impression that it was related to like royalty almost. And just basically what I wrote down is “queen” and “Egypt.” I don’t know if I was mixing those things up, but I had a very vague impression, kind of an image of her being my partner and that we were, I guess, some type of royalty or some type of exalted position and in some other culture that I kind of associated with Egypt. So I’m curious what that was about.
ELIAS: (Pause) I would say Egypt is correct, and I would say that you weren’t a king and queen, that you were in the royal household, though.
JOHN: Hm.
ELIAS: I would say that you definitely can investigate that, that it’s definitely a valid impression.
JOHN: Would these be historical figures that I could research?
ELIAS: Yes.
JOHN: Do you…? Would they be related to the king and queen? I don’t really know what being part of the royal quarter, what that means. Would those be family members of just people in more of an exalted authority position, related?
ELIAS: Related to, yes.
JOHN: Interesting. Okay.
ELIAS: But part of, therefore part of the royal family but not—
JOHN: I see.
ELIAS: — the king.
JOHN: Very interesting. (Laughs) Okay. So far, that was the only other focus impression I’ve had related to her, which was interesting. And yeah, like I said, I don’t remember exactly when that happened, but sometime in the last two weeks that I’ve been back here, because I think it was after we hung out one time. Yeah.
All right. Well, I’m just going to follow that thread and share some more of my feelings and thoughts and experiences since being back and spending more time with her, that I’ve been reflecting on.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: What I’ve noticed, I guess in general, is that my… my openness or my attractedness to her, I guess you could say, fluctuates a bit. And there are some things about her that… You know, when I brought her up initially months ago you had asked what are the things that I could identify as being complementary, and then you asked if there’s anything that would be not complementary that I saw. And I couldn’t really think of much at the time, or at least specifics. And again, it’s hard for me to define what is actually a complement or not a complement, but at least things that maybe I don’t like as much or that could potentially concern me, or things like that, I feel a little more, a little more clear about, having spent more time since I’ve been here. And it kind of got me thinking about a bigger… There’s specifics to this, but it makes me think of a bigger theme, I guess, in my life in general, with relationships and partnerships and who I’m attracted to and whatever.
So some other things that I’ve noticed is that you know she’s shared a lot with me about her own, let’s say, mental health struggles in her life, her background. You know, I don’t really know details of trauma per se but I would say she’s definitely someone who’s very open about her own struggles with depression and anxiety and having somewhat of a traumatic background. And I think some, at this point in my life, that is something that I’ve wondered, is that. Like I feel this kind of sense of that being somewhat of a red flag to me because everyone I’ve been with pretty much I would say the same, has had a similar background and had similar tendencies in those directions. And so I’m… I’m a little bit, I guess I would say uncomfortable with that and at least questioning that, if that’s something that’s problematic, I guess.
So I’m trying to think of (laughs) an actual question related to that, but I guess more I’m just saying that is one piece that has been clear since spending more time with her and talking more, is that there’s people who have a similar background to me. And I think in reality most people do that are in our time in this history in our culture, I think it’s kind of hard to avoid that. I think it would be less common to meet people who don’t have that type of background than do. So it’s not necessarily like an automatic, “Oh, that’s a huge red flag and I have to avoid people like that,” but it’s just something I’m thinking about. So I guess I’d be curious to hear what you would say about that piece, of just being… being attracted or drawn to or… Is that…? Like how much of a red flag (laughs) is that? Or is it always just kind of a specific case-by-case basis? I don’t know. What are your…? What have you got to say about that?
ELIAS: First of all, I would say that it’s a matter of each individual, therefore as you put it, case-by-case situation, but I would say also in general that yes, there are many individuals that would be in your age bracket that do incorporate trauma in their upbringing and in their lives and in their families. And what I would say to that is it’s understandable that that is presented to you as a red flag, and so it should be. Because in that, it’s something to pay attention to and to recognize, that that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t have a relationship with someone who has had trauma in their life, but that it definitely IS a matter of assessing how much they have processed with that trauma, and how much they have addressed to it and therefore have moved in a direction in which they’re aware of the influences of it. They can see or spot, in a manner of speaking, expressions in their own behaviors that are associated with their own trauma and therefore are continuously moving in a direction of being aware and expanding their own awareness, and therefore being open themselves to presentments to themselves of their own behaviors in relation to their own trauma.
Now; note that I am expressing about the individual being aware of their OWN behaviors. Because especially in the present time framework in which people are moving in directions of noticing their own traumas and many people are moving in directions of almost wearing their trauma as a badge.
JOHN: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
ELIAS: And in that, there are many people that may be aware of certain aspects of their own trauma that they have experienced, but what they’re paying attention to is what they define as being triggered. Therefore, they’re more paying attention to triggers than they are to their own behaviors and how their trauma has influenced their own behaviors, their own choices. And in that, they’re more paying attention to everyone around them and then moving in the direction of paying attention to everyone else’s behavior and expressing that other people’s behaviors are triggering of them. That’s a very common theme in your present time framework.
Therefore what I’m saying to you is you’re correct, it’s not unusual to be engaged with an individual that has trauma or has had trauma in their life. That’s something that is very common, but yes it should be raising a red flag for you. Because in that, it should alert you to pay attention to what the individual is doing with that trauma.
JOHN: Yeah. No, that… that… Yeah. That’s… First up, I just want to say that’s something I’ve thought a lot about in the general sense of what’s happening in our time these days, in our culture, and I’m grateful for the way you articulated it because I’ve been trying to… Yeah, I just… I want to save that clip to come back to (chuckles) because I feel like you articulated that very well. And I’m grateful for that to reflect on because that is kind of my perspective. But yeah. And I guess in this specific case, yeah, I guess that is essentially how I’ve been feeling. Like it is somewhat of a red flag because it’s important to pay attention and to be aware of what, in this case, how she, how she holds that and what she does with that knowledge and information, and is she stuck in some type of replaying all these traumatic patterns out in her life still or is she actually moving towards creating new things, and where is her self-awareness at and all of those things.
I guess I would say overall my impression so far, since I’ve known her and since we’ve talked much more in depth more recently about things like this, it seems like she is most definitely on the path towards, towards very intentionally becoming more self-aware and healing and growing and trying to be more proactive in that, compared to many other people that I can see in the world who like you said just kind of, yeah, are not doing that (laughs) in relation to their past and their trauma. And so that, I guess, my overall impression is that she is being very proactive in that and seems relatively self-aware in many ways and is very much on that path. Now where she is on that path, I don’t know that I can say at this point, but it seems to me that that is definitely her direction, right? Would you agree with that?
ELIAS: Yes.
JOHN: Yeah. So that’s helpful. I guess the other, the other thing that feels somewhat of a red flag I guess, and related to that, is she has directly said at one point that like a lot of the feedback she’s gotten in her past relationships is that she can be overly – in their perception not in hers – but in their perception she can be, she can seem very critical and harsh. And I see that, as just a friend. I mean, I see that in her personality. I can understand that, and I also know her well enough and talked to her enough to know that there is, again going back to that enneagram piece which is something we talk a lot about, in terms of a framework of talking about ourselves and our tendencies and our patterns and such, I think that is somewhat of… It can easily be misinterpreted, that her directness and her way of communicating and her way of expressing herself can easily be taken as aggressive or harsh when it’s not intended that way, when that’s not what she’s actually expressing.
And I see that to a degree, but I’m also aware that in my life and in my relationships, that is a very specific trigger for me in… I’ve experienced a lot of that in partnerships in the past, of feeling a critical energy from my partners or a harshness or a closedness that I really have struggled with. So it’s an interesting balance to me in holding that now and thinking about it, in that we have enough of a history together as friends and I see her and I know her and I can very much easily see how there’s times when she expresses things and does things, and I could see how other people can easily take that to be she’s being mean or she’s being harsh or she’s being whatever. And I just know her well enough to say like I get what she’s doing and I get where she’s coming from and I get in certain ways that’s how she expresses herself and I don’t take it personally.
I also am aware that in a partnership that could be (laughs) that could be harder, based on my history. So I guess that’s one other piece, where I’m like a little—
ELIAS: Let me ask you—
JOHN: Okay.
ELIAS: She obviously, as you have expressed, is sharing in relation to this aspect of how she presents herself. And let me ask you in that, how does she present that? Is she presenting it as, “This is just naturally who I am and how I express myself, and people misunderstand and they misinterpret what I’m expressing. And I’m being upfront and expressing to you that this is simply how I am and how I express myself, and I’m not meaning it in a manner to be obnoxious or mean,” or is she expressing that she sees that this is how she is perceived and that she’s being direct but she also is looking at that as being something associated with her own trauma? Which would you say?
JOHN: Um… Well, I would say it’s a mix of both, but it’s certainly not only the first. She is definitely aware of when she’s simply expressing in a way that other people can easily misinterpret, because that’s her natural way of expressing. But she is also aware and she’s given me examples even when we’ve talked about her past relationships, she gave me one specific example where she didn’t realize in the moment how she was expressing could be taken as very… just unnecessarily critical, and she didn’t mean it in that way, but she was able to recognize, “Oh, very clearly I could have said that differently. I could have expressed that maybe in a gentler way to get my point across or to make this request, that wasn’t in this easily interpreted as critical way.” So I would say she definitely seems to have a pretty good self-awareness around… She’s certainly not framing it as, “I am just this way and this is how I am, and people just need to deal with it and, you know, that’s it.” (Chuckles) She has a lot of self-awareness around it, and I think it is something that she is actively kind of exploring and working on in general in life. That—
ELIAS: Excellent.
JOHN: That there is an aspect of that that comes from her own sense of protectiveness of herself, and a protective mechanism.
ELIAS: Correct.
JOHN: And she has expressed many times to me how that’s played out in partnerships, that that is something she’s very much aware of and very much wanting to… yeah, not necessarily… to be open to finding new ways to express herself that maybe feel new or different, that might be a little gentler or more easily received by a partner. So yeah, I would say she’s definitely aware of that and is actively, you know, for lack of a better word, working on it. Not that it’s something wrong, but yeah.
ELIAS: Excellent.
JOHN: Does that answer the question?
ELIAS: Yes. Excellent.
JOHN: Yeah. That’s my—
ELIAS: Because—
JOHN: That’s my impression, and I could be wrong, but that’s how I interpret these conversations and how I see it personally. It seems very clear to me that that is how I would describe it.
ELIAS: Excellent. Because this IS a defense.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: It isn’t simply being direct. People can be direct and other people don’t necessarily interpret that as them being mean or insensitive, because you can be direct and be expressing that directness in a manner that isn’t aggressive.
JOHN: Right.
ELIAS: And in that, I would say that what she is expressing IS directly associated with defense and as I’ve expressed many times previously, defense is an oppositional energy.
JOHN: You said an oppositional energy, I assume?
ELIAS: Defense IS an oppositional energy. And in that, it’s meant to push away. In that, the individual is afraid. Even if they don’t realize that they’re feeling afraid, they are, and that’s what generates that reaction of defense. And the defense is meant to be oppositional, to push away, even though the individual doesn’t necessarily define it in that manner. That IS what they’re doing. And I would say that that’s excellent, if she is aware of it and realizes that this is a part of the behaviors that arise from the trauma.
You create behaviors and you learn behaviors associated with whatever your trauma has been. And in that, if the individual is aware of that, then that’s a good sign because then they can be addressing to the situation and addressing to their own behaviors. But if they’re making excuses for their behavior by expressing that that’s simply who they are and how they express themselves, that’s an excuse.
JOHN: (Laughs) I literally just was thinking the word “excuse” like two seconds before you said it. (Both laugh) No coincidences.
ELIAS: There are none. (Inaudible)
JOHN: Yeah. So I guess those are some of the very clear things that I’ve been noticing and reflecting on, these last few weeks since I’ve been back, in relation to her. I guess I would say I have this overall sense or impression at this point that there’s definitely aspects that I think would be potentially challenging, but I would say that it seems to me that it would be somewhat of a… I guess I would say an overall positive challenge for both of us. That the things that could be challenging for both of us, I think, would be in the realm of things that would be… How am I trying to say this? From the perspective that not all challenges are bad, right? And some challenges are very beneficial to grow and to learn.
ELIAS: Any—
JOHN: Well, yeah, right. (Laughs) But there’s also a balance, right? In not putting myself in a position or any of us not putting ourselves in a position that’s just overly complicated and hard and challenging just for the sake of growing. I think there’s a balance to be had. And to me this seems like an example of something that there would definitely be challenges, but I feel like they are, the challenges would be directly in line with ways that we both individually want to be challenged and want to be growing into. And it’s hard to define exactly where on that spectrum is, you know, a good place because I feel like yeah, all of my relationships have been challenging and they’ve helped me grow and they’ve helped me learn more, but they’ve also been pretty excruciating at times and I definitely am at a point in my life where I want things to be a little more gentle, a little more easy, a little more simple. I can still obviously have challenges in my life. I want that, to learn and grow, but may a little easier challenges or a little… (laughs) a little more—
ELIAS: Right.
JOHN: — in the positive end of the spectrum, if that makes sense. And I feel like my sense is that this could be very much in line with that. I’m still not at all attached to… You know, we still haven’t really had a direct conversation about this, because I feel like it’s been really important for me to just spend time with her in a natural way, like you’ve suggested, and just be together and notice these things and have time to reflect on them and not put pressure on myself or try to force anything. So—
ELIAS: I very—
JOHN: — that’s kind of my overall impression.
ELIAS: I very much agree. And I would be very much acknowledging you, my friend. It’s important that you are being present and not projecting into the future, and in that, not anticipating the direction of a relationship but simply being now and observing, and allowing yourself to follow your natural direction.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And in doing so, then you develop a relationship in the friendship. And as you continue to move in that direction, then it may or may not develop into a different type of relationship, but it doesn’t matter. What is important is that you continue on your path and that you are being present and allowing yourself to continue to grow and be expressing that nurturing of yourself. And in doing so, you will automatically do it with other people. And the more you do that, the more you will see what the complements are or are not.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, is there…? That’s really all I had in relation to that situation. Is there anything else specific to that situation you would suggest, or encourage? Or (chuckles) is what you’ve said more than enough?
ELIAS: What I would simply say is, it’s important for you to be paying attention. Meaning pay attention in that natural capacity. It doesn’t mean you have to scrutinize everything. It simply means pay attention to what you are doing and when you are in the company of the other individual, observe what they do in relation to what you’re doing. And then you can evaluate whether it’s a complement or not. Be aware of, in a manner of speaking, always paying attention to what may be a complement or not.
Because in that, it’s a matter of recognizing that that’s how you discover complements, is by paying attention to what you naturally do all the time. In your everyday, mundane activities and how you express yourself and what is comfortable and what isn’t comfortable. And in that, knowing that someone who is a natural complement to you is going to be comfortable, for the most part. And in some aspects that you might look at as, with someone else not being comfortable, you might recognize that with a particular individual it doesn’t matter and that you’re comfortable even with situations that you wouldn’t be comfortable with someone else.
In this, it’s a matter of paying attention to HOW you flow, and how another individual flows with you and how YOU flow with them. Because it’s not one way, it’s both ways. And therefore in that, it’s a matter of recognizing that it’s not only how the other individual flows with you or complements you, but how do you complement them also? And it’s the same process of evaluation.
Therefore in that, what I would say to you is that it isn’t difficult to discern all of this. It’s simply a matter of paying attention. It actually isn’t difficult to see, because it’s all about whether you flow or whether your movement at times seems fragmented or jerking, rather than flowing.
Let me express in this manner. Either you would be flowing and in that, seeming as if you would be a stream that has a constant, steady, even flow to the water OR you might be being the stream and there are many rocks and boulders in the stream. And what does that create? As the stream flows, it creates rapids. It creates a choppiness with the water. The water isn’t smooth in its flow. It’s choppy and fragmented because it’s flowing over and around a lot of obstacles. Therefore, it’s a matter of looking at your life and whatever it is that you’re doing in your daily life, and are you flowing and can you flow with another individual? And do they appear to be flowing also? Or are you creating whitecaps?
JOHN: Yeah. That’s a really good analogy. I like that. (Laughs) And most of my relationships definitely, yeah, lots of rocks to flow past. (Both laugh) And floating down a nice, calm stream for a while with maybe the occasional exciting little rapid periodically sounds a lot more appealing. (Both laugh) Yeah. No, I hear you. That sounds… Yeah, it is, it is becoming easier and simpler, the more that I practice this. So I feel like yeah, regardless what happens with her, it’s great practice. So I’m grateful for that.
ELIAS: Definitely. I would say you are genuinely giving yourself a tremendous amount of information through experience.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, let’s switch gears then. So, the business. (Laughs) I… I am at a point where… Hm. I’m at appoint where financially I definitely need to be bringing in some money soon. I have access to some other money that I didn’t want to tap into, but I think realistically I will. I will kind of have to. But yeah, regardless, I’m definitely at a point where I need to start bringing in some money and I feel very ready to start moving towards finding some clients and starting, starting this business.
There are still some logistical pieces that I’m working on. I need to get a bank set up and business names and all of those things, but that’s… That’s in process. So I guess I’m not sure even where to start or what to ask, but… I feel, I feel like my sense at this point is I’m very open to doing a lot of different… I mean, many different structures, in terms of how I move forward, in terms of training people. I think there’s people that I know already through the climbing gym that would be interested in working with me, and some that I already have through the climbing gym, and to have more of a bit of climbing focus. But I’m also open to… I’m very much wanting to work with people who are not already athletes in some way, who are just more kind of starting, starting fresh in their health and fitness journey, so to speak. And I can see that working multiple different ways, and so I’m open to finding a gym. And there’s multiple options in that realm, in terms of places where I could work at, not directly for the gym but to use the space to train people. I have a couple options in that regard. And I definitely like being in the gym with people directly, and working with them one-on-one, so that’s definitely one of the things I want to pursue. I’m also open to doing it in person in their house, for example, and there’s some tools that I could, that I could buy to basically bring with me to train people in their house if that’s their preference. If they don’t have access to a gym or don’t want to go to a gym or are for whatever reason uncomfortable or unable to go to a gym, I could just come to them.
ELIAS: I would say that is excellent, my friend. And your willingness to move in that direction is excellent and definitely something that will aid you and be significant in furthering your business. Because actually there are many people that would stop themself from moving in a direction of fitness, because they think they have to go to a gym.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And they don’t want to.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah.
ELIAS: Or—
JOHN: The gym, the gym can be a big barrier to entry for a lot of people.
ELIAS: Yes. And the factor that you are willing to move in a direction of engaging people in their home, that is very significant.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. So I was also going to say – I will come back to that – but another piece that I am definitely open to in the way I kind of see it working is, I know there’s some people who have experience in the gym and they know how to lift weights and they know, they sort of… you know, they’re comfortable in the gym. They have somewhat of a routine and really what they want is just someone to give them more structure in terms of what to do and how to structure things. So I’m definitely also open to essentially just writing programing for people and communicating regularly about how that goes and adjusting as needed, but essentially not being in the gym with them on a regular basis but just kind of, you know, remotely coaching them. That’s a very common thing these days in our time framework, and something I’m definitely interested in. So I kind of see myself being open to all of it, which feels really good.
But the more I’ve thought about the in-home piece, it’s… I’ve noticed, I’ve noticed my interest kind of shifting a little bit in these new realms of learning more about different ways to actually train that, for example, don’t even use weights, that are just more body weight and kind of isometric-type exercises. And I’ve already started buying some tools to kind of measure that, to track progression in that. But I’m kind of feeling really drawn to this much more minimalist approach, which is not surprising I guess because I’m in general very much a minimalist. And I’ve kind of been feeling more like the thought of doing, focusing a little more on the in-person kind of minimalist, in their house even without a lot of equipment and would just be a really interesting and intriguing and simple way to start.
ELIAS: I would agree.
JOHN: Because it is still measurable with the tools that I have, and it’s I think a lot easier for people to kind of… Yeah, there’s a lot less intimidation of getting into a weight room and dealing with barbells and dumbbells and all these things that for a lot of people are just really intimidating and they don’t understand them and don’t feel comfortable with them. So that’s kind of where I’m at right now. And I’m interested to start testing that more with myself and some friends, with these tools that I have that are on the way to me.
ELIAS: I would say that is tremendous, my friend. And I would also say that it increases your potential client base tremendously.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah, I almost kind of see it more at this point like that would kind of be the main focus. And then for people who do have access to a gym, a proper gym, or do prefer that, which I’m sure there will be some people, then that’s definitely something I’m comfortable with and I like doing as well. And it would just be a matter of finding the right place to do that.
But I am kind of just becoming more and more intrigued with this much more simple, yeah, just go to people where they are and do these very simply things and track it. And that could be equally as effective and in some ways… I mean, the most effective thing is the thing you’ll do, so (laughs) if it’s that or not go to the gym because they don’t want to go to the gym, I would rather do something simple that still gets results. So yeah, that’s been an interesting development more recently.
ELIAS: I would say that’s excellent, my friend. And in that, you can always, as you are aware, build up to more intricate expressions of what people do, and you can even eventually introduce different types of directions for them such as climbing.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: But beginning in expressions that are less technical but still are moving them in a technical direction.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. I guess even talking about this right now, I’m… It’s been interesting thinking about ways to discuss this with you because I kind of feel like for the most part I’m pretty clear in what I want to do (chuckles), so it’s not like I have these very specific questions of wanting suggestions from you specifically, but—
ELIAS: I would ask you at this point now, what is your plan? And how are you thinking about beginning?
JOHN: Yeah. Well, the first step is… I’ve seen a lot of my friends so far, since we’ve been back, but it’s been the holidays and people have been very busy and things have generally been pretty scattered. So I know that two of my friends that I was actively training and they were paying me, you know, it was very official so to speak, one of them had another trainer who stopped sometime in the last month. So basically I was going to reach out to them and just kind of touch base and say okay, you know, I’m back in town. Where are you at with that? Do you want to continue? Do you want to continue working together? Is that something you’d be interested in? So, starting with the people that I’ve already been working with is the first, the very first step.
ELIAS: Very well.
JOHN: Beyond that, as I think I said before, a lot of my friends when I started doing this more before I left Charlotte, when I was kind of still debating staying and actually investing in the business here, I definitely had a fair amount of people tell me that they wanted to work with me that I kind of avoided because I just didn’t think I was going to stay here and you know, yada yada. I just didn’t pursue it. So I’m going to reach out to those people as well.
But also, I had a fair amount of people tell me about friends, coworkers, family, just other people in their lives that they think either they know are looking for a trainer or they just think would be potentially interested in that. So essentially tap into my already established community and just do some basic word of mouth to, once I have everything set up and I’m ready to start taking people, to give them the word to, hey if you know people or you have friends or family that are interested, let me know, and go from there.
I think another piece is I’ll definitely do a little bit of marketing through the climbing gym, in terms of maybe just a flyer or business cards or something, just somehow make my presence more officially known in the gym because a fair amount of people know me and know who I am, but there is, just since I’ve been back, there’s a lot of new people at the gym that I don’t know. So I think just making my presence and availability known in an official capacity there, like hey, I’m this person, I’m at the gym all the time, if you’re interested in training let’s talk. You know, here’s a flyer, here’s my number, whatever. So I think that would be a good, a good place to start.
ELIAS: I agree. I would also encourage you to be doing both, to have flyers and cards.
JOHN: Yeah. Yeah. And I mean I need to set up a website and things like that as well, which are on my plan, on my list to do. I need to create a business name. I need to register the business with the state. I need to do all of those logistical things. Having a website is definitely something on my list. There’s still—
ELIAS: What I would say also, you can actually begin and not have all of those steps in place. You can—
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: — begin and start, and all that is necessary is that you express with a bank.
JOHN: Right.
ELIAS: Therefore you don’t have to have everything in place before you begin. You can begin and simply generate a business account with a bank, and in that all you actually need is a name.
JOHN: Right. Yeah, and I haven’t… I haven’t come up with the actual name yet, but I’m playing around with something using, something playing on the term essence or essential. Something around essential.
ELIAS: Ah!
JOHN: Because I like… I like… I like the kind of dual meaning. For me, it’s also like tapping, you know, it’s partially related to the concept of essence, which I really like, but it’s also related to kind of my overall philosophy of life in general and my nature, which is kind of like the essence of things, right? Not necessarily all the fluff and all the extra things, but just like getting to the essence of things. And I think with my philosophy around—
ELIAS: And I would say that in itself is an excellent name: The Essence of Things.
JOHN: (Laughs) Yeah. Yeah. So, right. My first step is the name and the bank piece, because I do need to get a local bank. Well, I’m going to choose to. I’m still banking with the bank in Oregon. I have all these years since I left Oregon. So I will probably set up a bank account here with a local bank. But yeah, getting the business side set up so that I can start accepting money officially is the first step. And yeah, the only piece still that I… Everybody’s like oh, you need to have an Instagram account, you have to be on social media and all these things. And I’m like, ahhhhh. (Laughs) I feel conflicted about that. (Laughs) I think that, ultimately, I think it would be a good thing. I just feel like I really don’t like how a lot of people use that, as a, as a tool. It’s not, not even to sound judging how they use it, it’s just not the way that I would use it. And I need to get clear about how I would use it as a tool to market or to connect with potential clients and that part’s a little, a little unclear for me. Because I don’t want to just start some Instagram account and post videos of me doing whatever to try to convince people that I’m a good trainer. Whatever people do, I’m just not into that. So I need to figure out exactly how I would use that tool, but that’s another, another piece on the list.
ELIAS: And you don’t have to do that immediately either.
JOHN: Right. No. Definitely not. That’s (laughs), that feels like very much at the end of the list, to be honest. (Elias laughs) But yeah. So that’s basically where I’m at. I’m hoping that I can at least generate a few people right off the bat, just to get some momentum going and even just for my own… I really like, I really know that for myself when I’m doing something it helps build my motivation and discipline and motivation and excitement. So if I’m in the gym working with people and starting, even if it’s one or two people, that will help me continue to focus on moving forward and building on it.
(The timer for the end of the session rings)
ELIAS: Of course! Most definitely. I very much agree. And I would be tremendously supportive.
JOHN: Yeah. So not very many—
ELIAS: I would say it appears that you have a plan that is workable and that you can begin with very quickly. And I would very much encourage you, my friend.
JOHN: Yeah. Thank you.
ELIAS: I would suggest that with your flyers you highlight the in-home aspect.
JOHN: Hm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think that will be, that’ll definitely be a key selling point.
ELIAS: I agree.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, that’s where I’m at. (Laughs) Not so many questions these days, but…
ELIAS: Excellent. I would say it appears that you are doing well and moving forward in all directions. And that’s how it functions, my friend. (John laughs) Everything is interconnected. Therefore if you’re moving in enough and what you think of as good directions and successful, you will continue to do that. If you’re moving in not enough and difficult directions, you’ll continue to do that. But I would say that it appears that you are being quite aware and moving in directions that are definitely beneficial. Well done!
JOHN: (Chuckles) Thank you.
ELIAS: Especially well done where you’re at now.
JOHN: Yeah. (Laughs) Definitely.
ELIAS: That you can be in the position and in the physical place that you are now, and you are so far removed from being in that place and in that position one and a half years ago.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: A tremendous change.
JOHN: Yeah.
ELIAS: I would say congratulations and well done.
JOHN: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome and deserving. (Chuckles) I shall greatly be anticipating our next conversation and what else you do in how you move forward.
JOHN: Me too. I’m excited.
ELIAS: (Laughs) In tremendous, tremendous friendship to you and in great love and affection as always, and exceptional energy in support, until our next meeting, au revoir.
JOHN: Bye for now.
(Elias departs after 1 hour 2 minutes)
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