Inner Landscape Exercise; The Connection Between Intent and Desire
Topics:
“Inner Landscape Exercise”
“The Connection Between Intent and Desire”
“Patterns and Dysfunctions Expressed from Past Trauma”
Tuesday, October 11, 2022 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Brenda (Leonora)
ELIAS: Good morning!
BRENDA: Good morning, Elias. It’s good to hear from you. (Laughs)
ELIAS: And you also. And what have you been engaging?
BRENDA: A lot, a lot of things. Though when we talked last time, I had asked if you had a suggestion for me about my work with regeneration and you had recommended the inner landscape exercise experience, and I was going to share with you first how that went.
ELIAS: Excellent.
BRENDA: Yeah. So I started my scenery, where I went to my inner space was a meadow surrounded by a lake with some hills, small mountains in the backdrop, and I was enjoying being in that space. And a crop duster suddenly appears in the sky coming across my landscape, sort of cartoonish in appearance. And it starts dusting the landscape with all sorts of seeds instead of the typical insecticide or whatever. So seeds are dusting my landscape. And then the next time I went to that space I noticed that there are areas of grass and vegetation, that the seeds have somehow sorted themselves into areas. It’s all not all jumbled like everything was growing together. It’s sort of like little systems of wheat and grass and stuff. And in that time there in the inner landscape, it started raining from clouds that also had, I guess I would describe it as a cartoonish appearance. They weren’t detailed and real like you would get in a photograph.
And so I had those two experiences right before I had my EMG appointment. I was having that EMG test on both of my hands to assess, I guess, nerve activity potentially related to carpal tunnel syndrome. And I go into the procedure room, which is this stark, very clean room except for there’s a picture hanging over the table where they do the procedure, and it’s my inner landscape. It’s a lake, the lake situated between the mountains and a meadow. There’s grasses and wheat. And in the picture, it’s painted so that you can see wind blowing across. The grasses are tilted and blowing and there’s a tree in the corner. So it was just quite curious.
ELIAS: (Laughs) I would say quite validating.
BRENDA: (Laughs) It was. I had to take a… get off of the exam table when I was in the room alone, so I could take photographs of it. It was just so curious. What would you explain or describe to me about the imagery?
ELIAS: I would say that it was very validating imagery that you presented to yourself, that you had moved in a direction of actually creating the same imagery and that that was quite purposeful in expressing that validation to yourself that it was being successful and that you were being successful in relation to your creation of it. And I would say congratulations.
BRENDA: Thank you. It was curious, thinking back about the last session when I had asked you. I had some questions about some wavering about whether I would do the EMG procedure and you had suggested that the procedure could be validating about what was, how I was doing. And it was (laughs) curious that then the inner landscape picture was right there in the EMG room.
ELIAS: (Laughs) I would say that is considerably validating. (Chuckles)
BRENDA: Yeah. Yeah, on so many levels. And then the EMG showed that I did have some compression in my right hand that was moderate and minimal in my left, and no damage to the nerves or muscles, anything. And so what they did was they did a cortisone injection in the right hand and I’ve been continuing to do PT that’s focused on, really a lot of it on my, on the medial nerve in my neck and doing these exercises that floss that nerve. And It seems to have, the combination, I think the cortisone probably released some of the inflammation. The exercises are really working, it feels like more holistically, by doing the flossing of this medial nerve. And I had my second PT appointment since starting to do the flossing and the work in that area, and she said my wrist just feels wide open, that she was just amazed how good it was feeling. So I thought that was another validation that I’m on the right track with that.
ELIAS: I very much agree, and would be very much validating you.
BRENDA: And is it important to continue the flossing and working with the nerves?
ELIAS: I would say yes. I would say that that can be beneficial and that I would encourage you in that direction for a time. Not forever, but I would definitely say that it is still a beneficial action.
BRENDA: And something else that I realized this morning, I’ve also been doing the brace on my wrist at night. I do forget it some nights, but probably more than not I wear the brace, they said it gives my wrist a break at night. And I realized this morning that when I saw my therapist yesterday, I had been three days with both my computers shut down. (Both laugh) So I thought that was also rather significant. Would you agree?
ELIAS: I would. (Both chuckle)
BRENDA: Which brings, circles back around to another conversation we’ve had that I’m still working through, and that’s reducing my work hours. And I’ve been, for some time, getting my work done like seven hours a day, five days a week, and this experience, being off, like today’s the fourth day not on the computers, I almost think for me it’s better to work four days and then have three days off. Is that an accurate assessment?
ELIAS: I would agree. I would be very acknowledging of you also, that you assessing the situation and what is the most beneficial for you, that YOU’RE making those assessments, that YOU’RE moving in those directions, and that in that, you are directing.
BRENDA: Yes. And it’s also curious, the HR person had shared that I needed to have information from the medical professions about limiting my work, and when I had my review last week I was talking to the general manager about shifting my work. And in the meantime, he’s shifted a lot of strategy for the co-op and it seems like there are more opportunities for me to do work not at the computer. So even reducing the hours, it’s still not going to be working at the computer. I’m going to go back and do classes and tours and more interaction with people instead of just being at the computer. So it seems like there’s a balance in what I do in my work that’s happening as well.
ELIAS: And what do you think about that?
BRENDA: I found that I am very much more motivated, feel a lot more excited about it.
ELIAS: Excellent. Therefore, you’re more comfortable with this direction—
BRENDA: Yes.
ELIAS: — and moving in relation to what you’d rather be doing?
BRENDA: Yes, and I… One of the things I suggested is, he asked what, what – he was asking all of us what we could let go of, we wanted to let go of, to allow us to pursue these other things. And I told him I was ready to let go of working for the board, and he agreed. He just didn’t balk and he said, “Yeah. That’s something we can take care of. We can hire someone to do that, or contract it.” I think I had just gotten really bored with that aspect of my job and realized that giving that piece away, which I’ve done for eleven years now, really opened up a lot more opportunity for me to work with regenerative farming and plant-based, healthy eating. So it was… It just seemed like things have sort of meshed together well.
ELIAS: Congratulations.
BRENDA: Yeah.
ELIAS: And I would say that I very much would be acknowledging of you, because you are being much more self-directing and in doing so, you’re not presenting opposition from other people.
BRENDA: Yes, I can feel, I can feel that. (Pause) So that’s just… So a lot of things happening related to my hand and work, and that I’m excited about.
I did have a question about my intent and desire, and was wondering about the connection between intent and desire.
ELIAS: In relation to what?
BRENDA: Um… I was thinking about… At one point you said my desire, with the work part that what I wanted aligned with my desire. And I guess maybe, maybe the question to ask is, I know my intent is the exploration of genuineness. What, what would you say my desire is?
ELIAS: (Pause) Your desire is (pause) to be empowered and to express well-being.
Now; in that, I would say that for you, sometimes in your life that extends in a manner in which you move in a direction of engaging actions that will be expressing that in relation to other people, but in association with what is important to you.
Now; how that translates sometimes in relation to it not always being comfortable for you is that when you move in directions of expressing directions of that well-being being more directed and that empowerment being more directed in relation to other people than to yourself, then it creates difficulty. But ultimately, even in those difficulties, it moves you in a direction of being more in a direction of your own well-being.
Now; many times that requires you creating physical manifestations to motivate you to move in directions that are for your well-being but ultimately that is what, in a manner of speaking, ensures that you will be successful and that you will move in those directions of your own well-being and empowerment.
BRENDA: And that’s probably particularly true like in my close relationships with Robert, Mom, Linda and then also my work relationships I guess?
ELIAS: Most definitely also with your work relationships and not only relationships, but in relation to what you’re doing. Therefore if you’re doing something that isn’t necessarily in harmony with your well-being, even if it’s something that is empowering you, if it’s not something that is doing both then you are likely to create some physical manifestation that will be uncomfortable enough to move you in a new direction.
BRENDA: So is that then like finding a balance between the being empowered and well-being? Like do they get out of balance?
ELIAS: Not always. Not necessarily. I would say that it’s simply a matter of that both of those factors are being expressed. And in that, it’s not necessarily a matter of balance per se but that you are expressing that well-being and you are also expressing that empowerment of yourself. And if one is lacking, then you will create some physical manifestation to bring that to your attention and to move you in a new direction in which you will be expressing that empowerment or that well-being, whichever is the one that is lacking.
BRENDA: So would, would an example of physical manifestations be the earache I’ve had the past 24 hours or so?
ELIAS: Yes. (Brenda laughs) And also your hand, also your wrists. I would say your allergies. I would say different physical manifestations, your eyesight, any type of physical manifestation that you create, this is a part of.
BRENDA: Wow. Is… Do I have a tendency to express lack in one, one of those areas more than the other?
ELIAS: Not necessarily.
BRENDA: Okay. Wow. That gives me much to be aware of. (Elias laughs) Is there anything else that will be helpful for me to understand about my desire?
ELIAS: I would say that desire is simple. Therefore, it’s not a matter of understanding more about it. I would say that it’s simply a matter of being aware of it.
BRENDA: Okay. Very good. That’s very helpful.
Today is Robert’s birthday and we’ve been having some conversations about, about desire, also patterns that we express related to trauma and dysfunction, and I want to talk about that in just a minute. But he was curious for me to ask what you would identify as his focus intent and what would you would describe his desire as.
ELIAS: And what is his assessment?
BRENDA: I don’t believe he has an assessment. (Laughs)
ELIAS: I would say first it is important for him to generate an assessment.
BRENDA: Okay.
ELIAS: It is important that individuals are identifying themselves, especially what their intent is. And in that, the entirely of their life, not simply now, but their experiences and the general, general theme of experiences from the time they are small children. And in that, likely if you are looking at and evaluating what that theme is that creates your intent, you can also generate some idea as to your desire by looking at your experiences throughout your life and especially looking at experiences in your life that were not necessarily comfortable or what you think of as good, but that you were aware that regardless, that experience benefitted you.
BRENDA: Yeah, and I think, I suspect that he has more of an assessment than… If he spent time just assessing it, that he would come up with this.
ELIAS: I would agree.
BRENDA: Okay. Very good. Well then, is understanding his desire, is that on the same level? That that’s something that would be important for him to think about first? Or something you can share about that?
ELIAS: I would say it would be important for him to think about it first, in relation to his intent and attempting to evaluate in relation to his experiences, what would his assessment be of his desire, as much as he can assess.
BRENDA: Okay. He now has homework. We’ll see what… I think we’ll do the December session, so we’ll see what he comes up with.
We have been… He listened to, as well as I did, a session you had with someone else that they shared with us privately, and I wanted to spend the last half of our session seeing if we could go deeper into the exploration we started back in 2020 about the trauma in my life and its influences on my body and my choices. It, in this discussion you were having with others, my takeaway was that – and it was uncomfortable (laughs) to think about that – I believe you said from our trauma that we perpetuate the dysfunction that we experienced and we move from victim to perpetrator. Is that correct?
ELIAS: Correct. Yes. That is correct.
BRENDA: Okay.
ELIAS: Not that you (inaudible) intentionally, you don’t. But that that is an automatic direction. It’s something that is automatic and very natural, because that’s what you know. That’s what you’ve experienced. That’s what you know in your life. In your perception that is something that for a considerable time framework, regardless of the factor that it can be frightening and uncomfortable and even torturous, it doesn’t matter, you still, for a significant time framework, generate a perception that that’s normal.
BRENDA: Yeah.
ELIAS: And therefore that’s a part of it, in how you develop that as you develop in age and experiences, and you move outside of that circle of trauma and you engage more people outside of that circle. Then you also perpetuate it, and in different capacities become a perpetrator also. Not that you intend to do that, and not that you even realize that you’re doing that, and not that you would necessarily see how you are perpetuating that and continuing the cycle, but that that is what automatically occurs.
BRENDA: Yeah. It was, it was very insightful in this session. I think I had… You had shared that before in other sessions on trauma and I think I had a very narrow view of what, how that might look in someone’s life. And in this example, it was collecting things or collecting creatures, and so Robert and I have been having conversations about what it might be that we’ve done. And as you say, it just feels natural. It feels like part of, part of who we are. And so, I think what we assessed, I would say that somehow for both of us it’s related to space. What Robert’s seeing is that he has this inclination, maybe it’s an impulse, to fill space by doing things, adding one more thing, one more thing, one more thing to his day. And he also has expressed recently a fear of having emptiness in his house, like an empty room. Is that an example of how he’s perpetuating the dysfunction that he experienced in his life?
ELIAS: Partially, yes. And in that, then you can explore that further and recognize how then that affects outwardly. It affects relationships.
BRENDA: It… I can definitely see that, in that for me it’s overwhelming at times (laughs), but I think that’s my, maybe part of my, my piece. Does it affect relationships? One, it certainly affects time management, his time management. How would you describe it affecting relationships?
ELIAS: I would say that it’s a matter of first of all, recognizing how people interplay with their traumas. You’re not accidentally drawn to each other. Therefore, regardless of what you know objectively and regardless of what you may be aware of in relation to your own trauma or your own dysfunctions, it doesn’t matter. That your energy is automatically drawn to other energies that will match it. And that matching it doesn’t necessarily mean the same. It simply means that you’ll be able to move in harmony with.
Now; in this, even something that might be overwhelming to you, you may have expressed – and you have – a significant amount of time in which you accommodate that regardless. But that’s part of YOUR dysfunction, is to be accommodating, especially with male individuals, because it’s safer. In that also, as you have developed in age, I would say that not all but some of your automatic expressions of rebelliousness in certain situations has been curbed. Not entirely. Not in all situations and not necessarily for the most part, but in certain situations and in certain capacities that piece that was more rebellious when you were very young is expressed more cautiously as an adult.
But I would say that in relation to certain expressions with male individuals, you would be more inclined to be acquiescing or to be compromising with them, because it’s safer. And in that, something that might be overwhelming to you, you might be automatically inclined to not express that or to deny that in yourself or try to ignore it and in that, even if it’s bothersome, not to be necessarily expressing it to the other individual.
Now; THAT I would imagine has somewhat changed, the more you have looked at your own trauma and the more you have moved in a direction of empowering yourself. But once again, this also can be associated with your desire. And remember: your desire will be expressed, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be expressed in a comfortable manner. And YOU generally create physical manifestations in relation to your desire not being met, or in relation to moving in a direction of moving towards your desire, because the physical manifestations will definitely grab your attention.
BRENDA: Wow. So, the… what you said about now I’ve curbed my automatic rebelliousness, is that a loss? Or is that something…? I know what you’re, I know what you’re talking about. I can feel it in my bones, what that means. Is it… is it something that I’ve lost that was beneficial?
ELIAS: No. It’s changed. And I would say that through time and experience, you’ve also learned that it’s not necessary in many situations for you to be expressing that rebelliousness, that there are other directions, there are other manners in which you can express yourself that will be allowing you to express your desire more effectively.
I would say that when you were very young, this was an expression that, in your perception, that was the only manner in which you could empower yourself. As you have developed in age, you’ve learned that that’s not necessarily true.
Now; I would say that you haven’t lost all of it, that you still have some aspects of that rebelliousness that do serve you. And in that, no, it’s not something that, is it a loss to you personally and would it be beneficial if you regained some that, no, not necessarily.
BRENDA: So in… So in, for me, this accommodation, particularly with male, it is… Is there a fear behind that? I’m just thinking about well, why don’t I just stop doing this? (Laughs) I just turn it off.
ELIAS: And I would say that to a degree, you can. I would say that is there a fear associated with it? Yes. That’s the reason that it produces that feeling of being more safe if you are moving in a direction of being compliant or acquiescing, because there’s the uncertainty of unpredictability. Even in relation to individuals that might appear to be very predictable, it doesn’t matter. This is the association that you’ve made that is very strong and has held throughout your life, that male individuals are people that have a tendency to be unpredictable.
And let me say to you, it doesn’t matter whether that is true or not. It’s true for you. And let me say to you in that, this is something that applies to everyone, is that you will pay attention – as I have said many times – to what is important to you.
Now; this is a different aspect of that statement, that what you believe IS what is important to you. Therefore if you believe that male individuals incorporate a greater tendency to be unpredictable, then that’s what you’ll see, because that’s what you’ll look for. That doesn’t mean that all male individuals are unpredictable. What it does mean is in your perception they are, because that’s what you will look for and that’s what you will find. (Inaudible)
BRENDA: Hm. Well, that certainly, certainly makes sense with when I’m thinking back about my dad’s, unpredictability about which dad, which dad I would be engaging.
ELIAS: Yes. And that was the most important male individual in your life.
Now; let me express to you, this holds regardless of who it is, in varying degrees. Therefore it holds even in relation to your son.
BRENDA: Oh! Wow, I hadn’t thought about that.
ELIAS: It doesn’t matter whether it’s your boss, your partner, a family friend, a friend of yours, an acquaintance or your son. It doesn’t matter. All of them being male individuals fall into that category.
BRENDA: Wow. That’s I guess… at the moment, I’m having a harder time seeing that with my son, that I, that I have that association.
ELIAS: (inaudible) Of course you would. I would say that that’s very understandable also, because in that, with your son you definitely don’t want to see that piece. (Brenda laughs) But in that, what I would say to you is rather than attempting to see that piece of the unpredictability, that you assign to him because he is a male individual, think about how you have accommodated and acquiesced to.
BRENDA: Ah. Yes. That’s easier to, easier to see that.
ELIAS: Precisely.
BRENDA: Yeah.
ELIAS: Because that is how you express that. That’s your indicator.
BRENDA: (Sighs) Wow. Wow. That makes so much (laughs), makes a lot of sense. (Elias laughs) Wow, it’s… You know, it can be so insidious, because it feels—
ELIAS: It is.
BRENDA: — natural.
ELIAS: It is. Yes. And I would express to you very definitely I agree. It is very insidious. Much of it is. Therefore in that, it’s not something that is considerably obvious initially. It becomes very obvious in relation to your behaviors for anyone, but initially the idea of how you generate some of these reactions and long-term associations in relation to trauma is not so easy to see necessarily. It’s one of those expressions that I have offered in relation to something that is so familiar to you that it is directly in front of your face, but that you can’t see it. Because it’s so close to you, that’s why you can’t see it.
But once you can look at some aspects of it in looking at your own behaviors, then it becomes more obvious and then you can actually look at yourself and even make comments to yourself about how obvious this is and now you are astounded (Brenda laughs) that you would never see it.
BRENDA: Oh yes. Well—
ELIAS: But that is the point. You can’t see your nose because it’s too close to you. And even if you have a very large nose and you can see your nose, you can’t see your cheeks.
BRENDA: (Laughs) That’s for sure.
ELIAS: Which are part of your face. And in that, they are directly in front of you and that’s the reason you can’t see them. And I would express that there’s no reason to discount yourself or to judge yourself in relation to any of these things, because this is not something that you have any directedness over, or you didn’t until you become aware of it. And in that, this is an excellent example of what I have expressed many, many times: you can’t change something until you know about it.
BRENDA: Yeah. And I think, I think Robert’s also wanting to know about it. So I’m curious. You said that we’re drawn to energy that matches our—
ELIAS: No.
BRENDA: No?
ELIAS: Then (inaudible). In that, it’s not the same. Yes. It matches, but meaning in the expression of, in a manner of speaking, harmonizing. Think about musical notes. Harmony notes are not the same, but they move in perfect conjunction with each other.
BRENDA: So what would his counterpart be then to me?
ELIAS: I would say precisely the same. That in that, the same meaning, that what is important and safe for him is to not be challenged. That is people are challenging him, then that reflects on him as an individual. Therefore the same in the manner that you are acquiescing, therefore you’re not challenging, but you’re not challenging because you ARE acquiescing because that is safe for you. For him it’s not about unpredictability. It’s about not being challenged. And therefore if it appears that people are moving in the same direction, then that is safe. That’s good. (Pause)
Therefore you can see how you would naturally be drawn to each other, because you’re moving in directions of what is your own issue. (Pause) And in that, the piece of the unpredictability would be what? What would you think? You can obviously see what that was with your first partner.
BRENDA: Mm-hm.
ELIAS: Now; what would you think or what would your assessment be in relation to now? Or not necessarily entirely now, but with this relationship?
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
BRENDA: (Pause) I think, when I think about the unpredictability, it’s when he’s making the accommodations not to be challenged, there’s a building of… you know, I don’t, it’s unpredictable what all that’s going to entail, especially thinking about the boat and him managing the challenge. Like… I guess there’s a compensation to not be challenged, then he’s over-engineering, overdoing and for me it’s unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming because of the breadth of… of… of what he’s doing. Like this weekend, it’s unpredictable how long things will take. It can take us three hours to leave the boat, when in my mind it’ll be an hour. And so, there’s that. Is that…? Am I getting close? (Laughs)
ELIAS: Yes. Yes. And I would say more so in the past, but it still holds now that for him it’s important that things are done in the manner he wants them to be done. It’s important that he is in control, that he’s in charge and that he is supposedly the person that is directing. Which is very much in alignment with what you’re expressing, but that it moves slightly beyond what you’ve expressed.
BRENDA: Okay. (Pause)
ELIAS: Now; I would say, in acknowledgment of both of you, that he expresses that less than he has pastly and you are less accommodating or acquiescing than you have been previously.
BRENDA: Yeah. I think… I think so. I think… I think that we’re both more open to learning and seeing these things and understanding the dynamics, that we have a commitment to the relationship and to work on it and to share these things and learn more about ourselves and each other through the relationship.
ELIAS: I would very much agree.
BRENDA: Which is good. That takes away a lot of the threat, I think. It creates a more comfortable space to explore things that are not always comfortable.
ELIAS: I would agree. I would very much agree.
BRENDA: All right. Wow. Well, we’ll have an interesting, interesting conversation about this. He will listen, and I’m curious to see what he discovers about his intent and desire, and hopefully we can talk about that more in December.
I heard the timer go off, so we have to end our time for today.
ELIAS: Very well. I shall greatly be anticipating of our next meeting, my friend. And I am tremendously acknowledging you in what you’re accomplishing.
BRENDA: Thank you. Thank you for today’s session. I loved it, as always.
ELIAS: You are very welcome. I express tremendous love and great affection, as always. In dear friendship, au revoir.
BRENDA: Au revoir.
Copyright 2022 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.