Coaching Business and Addressing Trauma
Topics:
“Initiating a Life-Coaching Business”
“Uncovering a Second Trauma”
“Do the Action Anyway”
“Note the Time”
Friday, April 22, 2022 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Jonathan (Sobini)
ELIAS: Good morning!
JONATHAN: Good morning, Elias.
ELIAS: And how shall we begin, my friend?
JONATHAN: My two main topics would be diagnosing my new career direction, and then talking a little bit about my second trauma and just helping me clarify what’s going on there and my next steps to addressing that. That’s on my—
ELIAS: Very well.
JONATHAN: Yeah, so the first topic there, Mary – Mary! (laughs) I just spent half an hour talking to Mary – Elias, is yeah, I’m trying to diagnose my life coaching website/business. So my website’s created and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m generating a lot of traffic to the website, but really not getting people. And I was talking to Mary, that I was offering two free sessions, hoping that this would help with experience and actually just getting people to experience me and my energy. But now I’m wondering after talking to Mary if that’s actually been repelling people. What are your thoughts on that?
ELIAS: I would agree with that.
JONATHAN: Okay. Yeah, okay. So that’s easy to change. And then, what about… is there anything else going on there, Elias, that would be repelling people from signing up? Like would you feel like maybe my message in terms of what I’m offering isn’t clear enough? Or could you offer any insight?
ELIAS: And why would you be questioning your clarity in relation to your message?
JONATHAN: Because I know when you… Well, I mean I believe that when you get into things that are a little less objective in terms of an outcome, that people may not be as clear in terms of what benefit they’re receiving or what exactly they’re paying for. And so, I’ve been trying to help clarify that with myself and in my message, and I’m just wondering if I’ve done a good enough job with that, or…? You know I’d love to get your perspective on that, Elias.
ELIAS: What I would say is (pause) in being clear with people, it’s about expressing clearly what you do. Not what their expectation is, but what you do. And in that, expressing in the most simplest terms that are possible and giving explanations that are concise.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, I would say what may be helpful is perhaps have your partner read it and then express the question: is she clear in what you’re offering? And if she’s not, ask what she isn’t clear about. And then perhaps have a friend read it and express in the same manner. Do they perceive this to be clear? Do they have a clear idea of what it is that you’re offering?
Now; in that, remember: you’re offering a service of life coaching. People are specifically looking for that when they find you. Therefore I would express, look at other individuals’ sites that are life coaches. And what do they say? Don’t repeat anything that they say, because you want to be unique and you want to be expressing yourself in a genuine capacity for you. But it will give you an idea of what people are looking for when they are looking for a life coach. What would you be looking for, if you were looking for a life coach?
JONATHAN: Well the first thing that comes to mind is people have dreams and goals, and they want to work with someone to help structure them, keep them accountable, and meet their expectations. That’s what I have in my mind when I think of a life coach. I think of things like that.
ELIAS: Now; what I would say to you is (chuckles) people want someone to help them to achieve their goals, and they generally want someone to tell them what to do, because they don’t want to be telling themselves what to do – but that’s part of the structuring that you would be offering. One piece in that that I would express differently is no, they don’t want to be held accountable.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: They never want to be held accountable.
JONATHAN: (Laughs) Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, that would be something that I would encourage you to alter in your thinking.
JONATHAN: Yeah, okay.
ELIAS: But I would say that they also don’t want to, in a manner of speaking, think for themselves and do for themselves. And that’s part of what you are teaching them, is how to be structuring themselves and how to be thinking and doing for themself. And in that, that they are not simply expecting you to do everything for them. You’re not offering the service of being a slave. You’re offering the service of being a teacher. (Laughs)
JONATHAN: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, yeah, I understand the drawbacks of the former. (Both laugh) Okay. And then I’ve been really, I’ve been asking myself too, am I holding back a little bit in terms of what I really want to create? You know, I’m maybe getting caught up a little bit in what I think other people want and trying to please other people’s interests. Because I was thinking to myself, the people I find most interesting are people that have, they’re sort of, they’re moving into self-awareness and maybe they have an extrasensory gift that is blossoming and they don’t really understand what’s going on and could really use someone that has a better understanding, and could help them structure that and share their gift with the world. And so that’s sort of a niche that I’m interested in.
And the other aspect I thought I was holding back is just with you, Elias. I was thinking. Here I am, doing these podcasts, and I’m purposely not mentioning (laughs) the dead guy, so to speak. But why not? Is it because I’m worried that my in-laws will think I’m a whacko? (Elias laughs) Maybe I’m caring too much. (Laughs) So I mean, what are your thoughts on that? Just maybe just being honest of who my teacher is, being you, and really focusing on people that I’m most interested in working with?
ELIAS: I would definitely agree.
JONATHAN: Okay. Yeah, because that just—
ELIAS: I would express to you, my friend, and in that, include that in your statement in relation to what you want to do.
JONATHAN: Right.
ELIAS: If you want to be more focusing on individuals that have certain gifts or are moving in certain directions, then express that. That’s your interest. Let me express to you, there are plenty of people that especially now, in this present time framework, that are moving in the direction of expressing these types of gifts and have lots of questions—
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: — and are not quite certain how to move forward and how to express themselves and what to do with their particular gift, and how to manage that. I would say that there are many individuals in that direction that are somewhat floundering. They don’t know what to do. They don’t know how to proceed. They don’t know how to structure themselves. They don’t know what to do with their gift. And they’re not sure what directions to move in, in relation to how to proceed with that and how to share it, or whether to share it.
JONATHAN: Right.
ELIAS: Therefore, I would say that that’s definitely something that you could be helpful with and be coaching in. I would also say be you.
JONATHAN: Right.
ELIAS: Express yourself freely. Don’t be afraid to move in your own genuine direction. Because if you’re afraid to move in your own genuine direction, how are you going to coach someone else?
JONATHAN: (Laughs) That’s what I’ve been thinking. I know. I understand. Yeah.
ELIAS: Therefore that is important, my friend, and I would say that that also helps other people to be more confident in what they’re doing, if they have an example of someone that is coaching them that is expressing in a similar manner and is expressing that confidence.
JONATHAN: Right. And Elias, does that link to this second trauma, that there’s a hesitation in fully expressing me? The reason I ask is because we’ve talked in the past about those shakes I’m getting, and the one trend that I notice is that it seems to happen when I’m contemplating really trusting myself and going from a direction that’s this automatic behavior, maybe from a place of control or protection, to just trusting and allowing. And then I get that shake.
ELIAS: Offer an example of when that happens.
JONATHAN: Let’s say I was perhaps late, late for something, and I’m rushing. And I’m making toast and I’m thinking, “Oh, I’ve got to get there on time,” bla-bla-bla. And then all of a sudden I stop and I think, “What if everything is actually going perfectly and I’m going to trust that I will get there on time?” And then boom! I’ll get that shake. That would be one example of many similar situations. Yeah.
ELIAS: And how frequently does this happen?
JONATHAN: That would happen on average maybe once, sometimes twice a day. Less now than it used to.
ELIAS: Once or twice a day!?
JONATHAN: Mm-hm.
ELIAS: And what progress have you made in relation to memory?
JONATHAN: I haven’t made much progress. I’ve been paying attention at times when I’m going to the bathroom, having a bowel movement, and I haven’t been able to capture a snippet of thought that’s associated with anything during that time period. And then I’ve been paying attention to that anxiousness that I was getting, and that seems to be very less frequent so I haven’t had as many opportunities to try and notice a thought there that could be associated with a memory. But I’m quite intent on addressing to it, so if there’s something that I could do to accelerate recall…
ELIAS: What I would say, I – now; first of all, do you have any idea, let us say, of an association with the memory?
JONATHAN: I have an inkling that it has to do with someone that’s in a position of authority, and there are examples of things in my life that have happened where I have had a reaction, a physical reaction that is really abnormal. For example, my manager at work one time was telling me something and kind of in my face, and I started to shake and my lip was quivering and yeah. I mean, and there was another time crossing a border and the person I was with was detained, and I was sitting in a room waiting for her and I’m surrounded with police and border guards, and I started to shake. These are memories from the past, but there’s seems to be a link to authority in some capacity.
ELIAS: Very well. And anything else, other than that piece with authority?
JONATHAN: (Pause) Nothing specifically coming to mind, Elias.
ELIAS: Very well. What I will express to you to do, in the interim time framework until our next meeting, is whenever you have this experience of shaking, think about the time. Simply note the time. Note the actual physical time that it’s happening. Note how long it lasts.
JONATHAN: Yeah, it’s very brief. They’re always the same, like a second or two.
ELIAS: Therefore, you’re not actually shaking. You’re shuddering.
JONATHAN: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it’s like a twinge.
ELIAS: If it’s, if it’s not, if it’s not lasting, but only a second or two, that’s, that’s a shudder.
JONATHAN: Yeah.
ELIAS: That’s different.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: Hence being my surprise (chuckles) that you would say that you were experiencing that shaking twice a day. THAT is tremendously extreme.
JONATHAN: Oh. Then I’m not shaking at all, Elias. I’m just shuddering.
ELIAS: Very well. Now; do you ever have a time framework in which, or a situation in which you might actually be shaking as if you’re shivering that would last for perhaps two or three or five minutes?
JONATHAN: Not recently. I can think of maybe a couple—
ELIAS: Ah. Ever?
JONATHAN: Yeah, like that one time crossing the border there with my friend, that went on for… That was probably five minutes.
ELIAS: Ah. Very well. Now; THAT is different.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: Now; I would say that the, the factor of having an uncomfortableness with authority, that is understandable. And the fact that you have that shuddering any time that there is any associations with authority, that definitely is linked, and the factor that you’re even experiencing THAT twice a day is somewhat extreme.
JONATHAN: Why do you say that’s linked to authority? Because you know, these, the examples that come to mind are, like I said, it’s when I’m contemplating shifting an automatic behavior to one that’s more of trust and acceptance of self, and that’s when I get… That’s when I get—
ELIAS: Ah, but that actually DOES link to authority.
JONATHAN: I don’t know how.
ELIAS: Because in that, if you are allowing yourself to be the authority and therefore trusting yourself, that’s different. But you’re challenging that. When you move in a direction of thinking about allowing yourself to be the authority, then you have a shudder.
JONATHAN: Right. Yeah. Okay.
ELIAS: And that’s “No, no, no! You can’t do that.” But in that, what I would say first of all is, it will be helpful to practice doing the action anyway. Just as you were expressing, if you were allowing yourself to trust yourself, then perhaps you would be on time anyway and you wouldn’t have to be rushing and you wouldn’t have to be concerned with how you are engaging.
Now; in that, regardless of what the situation is, what I would say to you is, when you have that shudder, do the action anyway. Don’t allow the feeling to dictate to you.
JONATHAN: Right. Oh yeah. Right. Yeah.
ELIAS: Therefore, in that, that’s one piece because that actually will help with the rest of it. If you are practicing moving in directions that make you shudder and you do them anyway, that moves you in a direction of helping you to dissipate that automatic fear of authority.
Now; it also will help in relation to whatever the trauma was, because if you are actively engaging actions in the present that are moving in a direction of not succumbing to the influences of a trauma, it does actually help move you in a direction of addressing the trauma itself, even when you don’t remember what it is.
JONATHAN: Oh! So then I have, I have lessened—
ELIAS: That’s a beginning point.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: Also, I would express to you that whenever you actually DO have a shaking moment, when you actually are uncomfortable and you are actually shaking, pay attention to the time of day, the time of the week, and the month. Pay attention to time in those three capacities, and note that. Because the body, as I’ve expressed previously, doesn’t differentiate time. Therefore, that is a significant clue, is that the body is reacting not only to a situation but the time.
And in that, you might have experiences that don’t seem to be linked to an actual situation of authority, but that you are having a reaction. And in that, note the time.
JONATHAN: Okay.
ELIAS: And then I would say that it’s also important for you to be recalling some of these memories that you have that have been somewhat confusing to you up to this point, such as the experiences that you’ve had in relation to your mother and the priest and different expressions in that vein that you were somewhat confused about in relation to other experiences.
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
JONATHAN: Yeah.
ELIAS: And I would encourage you to move in a direction of genuinely attempting to recall some of these memories of yourself and your mother and of other individuals around you at different ages. And it doesn’t matter if you aren’t actually recalling anything that you identify as traumatic. It doesn’t matter. The more you can move in the direction of recalling these experiences that you have had when you were younger, the more likely you will be to actually be able to eventually recall the trauma.
JONATHAN: Okay. So when I had the impression to basically look into the priest at the time and I found a picture and I really delved into that, that I could have been onto something there, right Elias?
ELIAS: Yes.
JONATHAN: Yeah. Okay. Because I shut that right down when we talked about how it wasn’t my mom’s reality, but I’ve since learned that that was actually the priest’s reality. Would you agree with that?
ELIAS: Yes.
JONATHAN: Okay. Yeah. Which makes it confusing, but… (laughs) I’m starting to get the hang of this reality thing. It’s not so simple. (Both laugh) Okay.
ELIAS: I understand. That CAN be confusing, because it’s not absolute and because you automatically – not simply you, but people in general – think that reality IS absolute. Therefore, whatever is one individual’s reality is other individuals’ reality too.
JONATHAN: Right.
ELIAS: But it’s not.
JONATHAN: Yeah. Okay. Well, this has been a really helpful session. Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. And I am tremendously encouraging of you, and expressing to you much, much supportiveness.
In great friendship and in exceptional love to you, my friend, and affection, until our next meeting, au revoir.
JONATHAN: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 33 minutes)
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