Physical Manifestations of Childhood Abuse
Topics:
“Physical Manifestations of Childhood Abuse”
“Perpetrator Behavior”
“Two Steps to Addressing Trauma”
“Methods of Releasing Energy”
Saturday, June 12, 2021 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Anon
ELIAS: Good morning!
ANON: Hello, Elias!
ELIAS: (Laughs) And how shall we begin, my friend?
ANON: Well, I have a list of questions here. I figure number one’s a good spot to start. (Laughs) Recently I had a CT scan, and prior to getting the scan done I had a lot of difficulty discerning as to whether or not this would be a beneficial direction for me to move in. And the day prior, I was getting all sorts of imagery in the form of birds, and I was just wondering what the communication was the day prior and why it was so difficult for me to choose a beneficial direction to move in.
ELIAS: I would say that it simply is a matter of uncertainty, not being entirely certain of what you’re doing, what direction you’re moving in. And therefore, in that, that creates hesitation, and it seems to create difficulty. It isn’t necessarily difficulty; it’s simply not flowing as smoothly or as quickly as you might want, so to speak. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s actually a difficulty. It’s simply some aspects of hesitation.
ANON: Okay. And the results of this scan showed multiple growths around my thyroid which are looking like goiters. I have another scan coming up. I was wondering if we can explore the causes of these, and then maybe get into ways to address to it?
ELIAS: And what is your assessment thus far?
ANON: Well, I do think there’s a relationship to childhood trauma and being able to express myself.
ELIAS: I agree. And what would you express in relation to that?
ANON: Well, I feel as though, as I begin to implement vehicles to express myself and let go of control and step into my power, that it would really benefit the energy that’s stuck in that area.
ELIAS: What have you assessed in relation to the trauma itself? Meaning, what have you addressed to, what have you recognized, what have you addressed in relation to your next step after addressing to the trauma, and so forth? What would you say in relation to all of that, first of all?
ANON: Could I get some clarity maybe first on the actual trauma? Because I had my impressions. Would that be okay, to go that way first?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Okay. So, the impression I had is that my father was watching me while my mom went away to certain courses to further her degree in relation to education. And while I was at home there was a neighbor, a young girl, that had asked to watch me, and my dad agreed. So she would pick me up and take me away in a stroller. And… there’s parts of this memory that are a little bit all over the place, but at one point in the house she was being raped, and her sister—by her father—and I was in a walker or something and witnessing the sounds of it. And it was so traumatic that I left my body and was witnessing it from a different perspective, perhaps in the room. And I felt as though she was counting on me to help her, in a way, like watching me would maybe stop her dad from doing it, but that wasn’t the case and I wasn’t able to help her.
Fast forward futurely to her enacting the things that her dad did to her to me. One image I have is being changed, and she would be raping me and just doing not very nice things while I was being changed. Can you confirm some of this, Elias? Am I…?
ELIAS: Yes. I would agree. I would validate all of it, yes. Continue.
ANON: And then I feel as though she may have made the comment that she would hurt my mom if I was to share what was happening or what she was doing to me.
So that affected my voice, right? Like not wanting to share the trauma…
How old was I? Was I about 3? 2-1/2?
ELIAS: 3.
ANON: 3. And was the girl around 12?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Yeah. And her sister around maybe 8, Elias?
ELIAS: Correct.
ANON: Okay. I think it would be helpful to maybe explore some of the trauma she did to me. I mean, I’m okay with it at this point. Was there…? Did she take my diaper, a soiled diaper, and put it in my face?
ELIAS: At one point, yes.
ANON: Yeah. Okay. And then the raping, I mean it’s almost hard for me to picture. You know, you have this little child with undeveloped genitals and that sort of thing. So, how is she…? Is she having sex with me? Is she abusing me anally? Like how does that work, Elias?
ELIAS: (Pause) Yes. In relation to the physical interaction, that would be expressed in association with anal penetration.
ANON: Okay. And that’s because that’s what her dad did to her?
ELIAS: Correct.
ANON: And was she telling me not to share? Was she threatening me?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Yeah. Okay. And this is a big reason for the trauma to that energy center, right?
ELIAS: Correct.
ANON: Okay. And what have I done to address this? Well, I do realize that I have quite a buildup of energy there—suppression of anger, sadness, and it’s fairly significant. Would you validate that?
ELIAS: I would.
ANON: Which is… In some ways it’s quite bizarre, because I feel as though throughout my life I haven’t expressed much anger, but in some regards that almost makes sense, that I have been suppressing it.
ELIAS: I would agree.
ANON: So… Yeah, and I think in addition to that, I recall nights where I would be in my crib, crying for my parents to come, and maybe they were sleep training me or something and they weren’t coming. So, that just contributed to feeling as though I don’t have power, I don’t have a voice, not being heard.
ELIAS: I agree. And then what would you say have been the influences in your life because of that? And then what would you say would be some of the actions, in a manner of speaking, as a result of that, that YOU have expressed?
ANON: Well, a big one is feeling the need to gain others’ approval in a way that’s tied into self-worth. Like trying to… almost feeling as though there’s something wrong with me and that I am not perfect, and trying to correct that by proving my worthiness, and… Yeah, that’s one big piece, Elias, there. What else?
ELIAS: Now, what would you say in relation to how it has influenced you in YOUR behavior in relation to other individuals?
ANON: Not expressing myself, and perhaps even agreeing with them when on the inside I feel as though I disagree, or like I’m not fully expressing how I feel. I’ve noticed that.
ELIAS: And how would you say that may have been an expression that was detrimental to other individuals?
ANON: Because if they disagree with me, then I could be hurt. It’s tied to that trauma.
ELIAS: And therefore, what would you do if they disagree with you?
ANON: What would I do?
ELIAS: Remember: every individual that expresses as a victim also is, in some capacity, a perpetrator.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, how would you identify that?
ANON: So then I’m afraid that I would become the perpetrator.
ELIAS: But how WOULD you be?
ANON: A perpetrator?
ELIAS: Yes. What I would say to you is, it is a matter of thinking about the situation. How you are being a perpetrator to someone else doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doing something that you think of as bad.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: In this, victims of trauma express being a perpetrator also, but they don’t necessarily perceive that they are doing something wrong; or, they don’t necessarily believe that they are generating anything in relation to what happened to them.
Now, some individuals may move in more of an obvious direction, but many, many, many don’t. And therefore, how they express being a perpetrator is more insidious, because they don’t necessarily perceive that they are doing anything harmful.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: Such as, if you are silenced and you aren’t expressing yourself, then in that, you may not actually express yourself in relation to what may occur with other people. Therefore, you may be silent when another individual might actually want you to express on their behalf. Are you understanding?
ANON: Oh, yeah. I think so.
ELIAS: Or, you may be unavailable in relation to your emotional expressions with other individuals. You may have difficulty expressing yourself in that capacity, and that may create difficulties, problems, conflict between yourself and another individual because you aren’t expressing yourself. Are you understanding?
ANON: Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
ELIAS: And what would you say? What would you identify?
ANON: Yeah, that’s… I never really considered by me not being available or not sharing or not expressing could be a form of being a perpetrator.
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Actually, this is quite amazing for me, Elias, because now I can see it. I see it with my mother-in-law, my brother, my dad, the residents at work—yeah.
ELIAS: That is the point, my friend, is that’s the next step. That is the second step. The first step is identifying your own trauma and recognizing the influences, the effects that that has had on you. But then the next step is to look at those influences and what behaviors they’ve created in you, and therefore then how YOU are then influencing others in a capacity that is damaging or hurtful—not that it is intended, but that it is automatic because that’s what you know.
You have created a particular behavior in relation to your OWN trauma, which then in turn creates conflict or difficulty or trauma with other individuals. And it isn’t always what was done to you that you do to someone else. Sometimes people do that; more often, they create more defensive expressions, and in that, then they are generating actions that they either aren’t aware of in how they are expressing with other people and how that is actually being a perpetrator also, how that is actually creating a harmful action, or they move in what you think of as opposite directions in which then they are being hurtful or harmful by being over-protective or by expressing to other individuals that they aren’t capable enough and therefore you are the one that will take care of them. And therefore, in that, you think you are actually being helpful, you think that you are actually doing the opposite of what has been done to you and therefore you are being good, and in actuality it is also harmful—you simply don’t see it.
That is the second step, is being able to look at those pieces about your own behavior and what it has generated in relation to other individuals. And from that point then you can begin to genuinely empower yourself by making different and new choices and establishing new behaviors.
ANON: Okay. So, in order for me to become aware of all of these influences, is there…? I mean, knowing me, Elias, is there like a little bit of a radar there, or something that…? Like if I’m being present, what’s the tell? It’s just a feeling?
ELIAS: I would say, that would be the beginning, yes: the feeling.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Which you [inaudible] whenever you are moving in a direction of retreating.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: And therefore recognizing, what is the behavior that you are expressing in relation to what you’re feeling? What are you doing?
ANON: Okay. (Pause) So, as I become aware of these influences and address to them, will that begin to heal that energy center?
ELIAS: Yes. Yes. And it will begin to empower you in relation to what you do, what you choose, how you move, how you interact with other individuals. And you will begin to see your relationships healing, you will begin to see yourself healing, other individuals will begin healing. It is somewhat of what you would term to be a domino effect.
ANON: Oh my god. Okay. And is this…? How linked is this to my constipation? Like very?
ELIAS: Considerably.
ANON: Okay. Because I’ve been trying to address to it through diet, other healers, and it’s just something that is not an easy fix.
ELIAS: I understand. Actually it might be, but it is a matter of moving in the correct direction.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: What you are addressing to. And in that, this is a significant part of it.
ANON: Okay.
And I want to understand a little bit about other people in my life taking on this energy. Maybe that’s not the right terminology, but for example my children. You know, when my daughter goes through these extreme bouts of holding her own bowel movements, or my son recently being sick, are they taking on this energy of mine?
ELIAS: Are they taking on your energy? No. Are they reacting to your energy and your expressions in a similar capacity? Yes.
ANON: So, it’s… So my energy is affecting them?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Okay. But they are not doing it intentionally to assist my healing, right?
ELIAS: No.
ANON: No. Okay. Okay. And then is my dog different? She seemed linked to that energy as well, Elias.
ELIAS: I would agree. Now, in that, I would say that the animal is actually expressing more in what you could identify as more of a sympathetic expression.
ANON: Okay. And then, what about my thinning hair and nails? Is this all linked? When you talk about a domino effect, is this part of the dominos?
ELIAS: When I am expressing about a domino effect, what I mean by that is that everything is interconnected and therefore, when you are addressing to something and you are moving in a direction of empowering yourself, that that ripples outward and that as you heal, other individuals begin to heal also. As you move in new directions, that affects other individuals and they begin to express differently, and therefore they begin to heal also.
As to different manifestations with yourself—with your body consciousness, that is—again, everything is interconnected. And therefore, one expression within the body affects everything else in the body.
Think about this: Think about if you develop a cold.
ANON: Mm-hm.
ELIAS: Now, you develop a cold, and in that, you are activating, let us say, certain germs. Now, in that, these are very tiny organisms, but they are affecting your entire body consciousness. You don’t feel ill in one part of your body, you feel ill in your entire body.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: Because everything is interconnected. Therefore, as being interconnected, then it affects everything in your body.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: It is the same.
ANON: Okay. So, the most efficient and effective way to address to all of this is to first become aware of all the influences?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: And then secondly… Could you give me an example of the second part, of addressing to them, Elias? To just help clarify that part?
ELIAS: Actually, addressing to it is not considerably difficult, because most of that is accomplished subjectively, and therefore, in that, it is a matter of simply being aware of what the influences are. Therefore, I would say that noticing the influences, noticing your hesitations, noticing when you are moving in certain directions when you’re being affected in relation to stifling your voice, or silencing yourself, or moving in directions in which you are afraid or you are uncomfortable and you are then essentially being reactive.
Being reactive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are generating some type of extreme behavior in the capacity of something tremendously overt. The extreme behavior may simply be in being quiet or reacting in relation to not expressing yourself, or reacting can be retreating.
Therefore, it is a matter of noticing, paying attention and noticing when you are reacting, noticing when you are moving in these directions of expressing the influences, and catching yourself.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: That is, I would say, the most important piece objectively.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Because most of the addressing to, as I said, occurs subjectively; therefore, most of the work, in your terms, is done subjectively. The objective aspect is to catch yourself when you notice that you are generating certain behaviors and to then choose something different, not continue to objectively express those behaviors.
ANON: And when I catch myself, I often have like a little shake, almost like it feels like an electric shock. What is that? Is that a releasing of some sort?
ELIAS: Actually, no. What that is, is that is your body consciousness automatically reacting and moving in protection mode or direction. What’s happening is, whenever you do something in which you are actually recognizing or seeing a behavior, the body consciousness automatically springs into action. It’s trying to protect you. It’s trying to stop you from expressing in any capacity with the memory.
Now; what I would say to you is, any time you notice yourself shaking or trembling or shivering, that is the time to do that tapping.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: While that is happening. And then, continue to express in the manner that you are. Therefore, don’t shrink away from whatever it is that you’re doing, but tap while you’re doing it.
ANON: Okay. Now that type of shaking I’ve had as well, but I’m actually talking about something different. It’s like a feeling I get when I have a realization that is… like a beneficial realization. And I get this surge through my body.
ELIAS: I understand.
ANON: Yeah.
ELIAS: It’s the same.
ANON: It’s the same. Okay. Because it’s very brief, and that’s interesting. So, that’s the same thing. It’s a protective mechanism from the body consciousness.
ELIAS: Yes. And what I would say is that that’s actually encouraging that it is very brief, because it could be more. But that surge that you feel, that is the same thing; it is still your body moving in a direction of protecting.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, it is simply a matter of acknowledging that. And actually, the more you empower yourself by acknowledging yourself and continuing to move in whatever direction you are moving in, that actually will generate eventually changing that surge to a different type of feeling in which there isn’t that surge that creates a type of shake or tremble, but that it actually will do somewhat the opposite, in that it will give you a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction, therefore almost a sense of pride with yourself, and it will generate more of a soothing, a calm.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: An excitement that is calm. (Chuckles)
ANON: Okay. (Pause)
Something interesting that I noticed is that the thyroid is shaped like a butterfly. And I saw a picture of it, and then it just dawned on me that I’ve been creating like a vehicle to express myself in a website and a logo, and I realized that my logo was this butterfly. I mean, just the way that hit me was that there’s a link there. Could you talk about that a little bit, Elias?
ELIAS: And what is your impression?
ANON: Well, that I’m going through some type of transformation similar to what a butterfly goes through and that it is very linked to my blue energy center and that thyroid. And that, you know, on the other side of that transformation the butterfly part would be me expressing myself in this vehicle with this website and this new business direction.
ELIAS: I would agree.
ANON: Is there anything else you could add?
ELIAS: (Pause) I would say eventually in that, you could use that also as an avenue of empowerment, that moving in a direction of the butterfly—the imagery of the butterfly—eventually you could actually use that in an empowering capacity with your thyroid.
ANON: Oh, interesting. How would you use an image like that?
ELIAS: I would say that that could be an image that you would use in relation to visualizations and meditations, to be affecting of your thyroid.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Make that a connective piece.
ANON: One thing that I have attempted to do to release some of the energy in that blue energy center was yelling. Both times I’ve tried it I’ve hurt my throat, and I’m just wondering if there was an alternative, maybe something just as powerful, to release some of that energy, Elias?
ELIAS: You can release energy in any number of capacities. I would say that any action that you do in a physical capacity can be expressed in relation to releasing energy. What I would say in that is that you can do that in relation to a punching bag, or you can do it in the action of running. You can do it in the action of any physical exercising. You don’t have to express it in a manner that is necessarily aggressive or violent. You aren’t matching the energy; therefore, it’s a matter of recognizing that you don’t have to be expressing in some sort of force to release energy. Therefore, you can be engaging any type of physical action and accomplish that.
ANON: Okay. And what about using my rose quartz on that area? How beneficial would that be at absorbing some of that energy?
ELIAS: In relation to the thyroid?
ANON: Yeah, in that whole energy center there.
ELIAS: You can. I would say that if you were doing that in conjunction with the meditation and the visualizations, that that would be more powerful and more effective.
ANON: Okay. And I could engage my imagination in a bit of creativity with the two?
ELIAS: Most definitely, yes.
ANON: Yeah. Okay. (Pause)
My next question had to do with muscle testing. I was in a six-month course and was about four and a half months into the course, and I just decided I wasn’t interested anymore, and then when I lose my motivation and excitement it’s difficult for me to continue. And I was just wondering, is that partly due to my Sumari aligning? Or is there something else going on there? Because it just seems odd, when I commit that amount of time and money and energy and then I just kind of stop because I’m no longer excited about it. So I was wondering if you could shed a little light on that.
ELIAS: I would say that partially it would be associated with that aspect of the Sumari, but not entirely.
ANON: I didn’t think so.
ELIAS: I would say that also this is a symptom of the influences of the trauma.
ANON: Okay.
ELIAS: Not holding your attention for significant periods of time, losing interest: this is all associated with that.
ANON: And how would the losing the interest be associated with the trauma?
ELIAS: Now, think about that. And what would you say? How would you define that?
ANON: (Pause) Would I be less likely to be hurt if I’m not as invested and attached to something?
ELIAS: I would say that that is part of it, that if you aren’t involved, if you aren’t invested, these are automatic expressions. You don’t invest, you don’t involve, because that isn’t safe. It doesn’t matter what it is. Remember: everything is interconnected. Therefore, it doesn’t matter that it might be not investing in a person or that it might not be investing in an activity. It doesn’t matter. It’s the involvement or the investment, THAT action, that is important. It doesn’t matter HOW it is being expressed; what matters is that it IS being expressed.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: Therefore, that it won’t be expressed, that you don’t involve yourself in or invest yourself in, regardless of whether it’s an activity, or a class, or a person, or a situation. It doesn’t matter what it is; it’s the act of involvement or investment.
Now, in that, you may begin to see also more of the influences.
ANON: Yeah. And then from that course, in working with the teacher, we identified that I had an intention to self-punish and an intention to be in control and be perfect, and these are also part of the perpetrator aspects, right?
ELIAS: Yes.
ANON: Yeah.
ELIAS: Most definitely so. Therefore, in that, then you also have more of an idea of how you are expressing these influences.
ANON: Yeah.
ELIAS: And the more you know, the more significant that is, because the more you know, the more you can move in directions of choosing different.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: Therefore, that is important. That’s how you begin to empower yourself, my friend.
ANON: Okay. It’s amazing how a trauma shows up in so many different ways.
ELIAS: Oh, it does. It definitely does. It shows up in tremendous different capacities, and in manners that you don’t realize.
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
Because you start engaging at very, very young ages. You start protecting immediately, and you start developing these behaviors very soon after the trauma, and you continue to develop them throughout your life—until you look at it.
ANON: Right.
ELIAS: Otherwise, you simply continue to generate that over and over and over again.
ANON: Yeah.
ELIAS: And you perpetuate it over and over and over.
ANON: Right.
Okay. Well, it’s interesting. One of the most motivating things for me to look at this is just that it has influenced my children. I just find that… I really don’t like that part. (Laughs) Yeah.
ELIAS: I understand. But in that, it is automatic. It isn’t that you do something intentionally.
ANON: Yeah.
ELIAS: You do it automatically.
ANON: Yeah. So, I think I can use that in a beneficial way to just be determined to become aware and address some of these influences.
ELIAS: I agree. And I would be tremendously encouraging of you, my friend. You CAN alter this, and you CAN move in a direction of empowering yourself and others.
ANON: I agree.
ELIAS: Congratulations.
ANON: Thanks, Elias.
ELIAS: You are tremendously welcome, my friend. I express great, great encouragement to you, and I shall be tremendously looking forward to our next meeting. (Chuckles)
ANON: Yes, me too.
ELIAS: In tremendous support, as always, and in dear love to you, my friend, au revoir.
ANON: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 1 hour 1 minute)
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