Overcoming an Indulgence
Topics:
Session 201905261
“Overcoming an Indulgence”
“Self-Awareness and Growth”
“Realities That Don’t Match”
Sunday, May 26, 2019 (Private)
Participants: Mary (Michael), Eric (Doren) and Christina (Melian)
ELIAS: Good morning!
CHRISTINA: Good morning, Elias.
ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?
CHRISTINA: [To Eric] Do you have anything?
ERIC: [To Christina] You start. (Elias chuckles)
CHRISTINA: Okay. (Laughs) Well, I haven’t had a session in a while, and I don’t have a lot going on right now. But one thing that I did notice starting in December, I noticed that I was creating some thickness in my focus, and my impression at the time was that it was intentional. But then…
ELIAS: Thickness in what manner?
CHRISTINA: Well, like just gaining weight, that was sort of the imagery. And that was my impression, that it was thickness and it was intentional because I had just started getting back into the material and I wanted to be more focused, I think. Well, these are my impressions, that I wanted to be more focused in the present and not worry about the altered states of consciousness and the other things that I was doing with energy before and sometimes scared me, so that I was creating a little thickness to kind of ground me. But since then I’ve created more thickness (laughs), because I think I’ve started to oppose my own movement and just not kind of go with it. Does that sound valid?
ELIAS: How? How so? What is your assessment, or what is your indicator that you were opposing yourself?
CHRISTINA: Well, I just… I feel myself fighting myself, and I just kept putting on more weight. And at first it was just a little bit, and then I kind of started to focus on that and make it important. And then I didn’t want to just allow that to be okay until I was done needing that in my life. So that was…
ELIAS: Do you find yourself paying attention to it in the manner of not liking it and being uncomfortable with it but also expressing a type of procrastination, such as within yourself expressing, “I don’t like this. I don’t like my appearance. I don’t like how I feel, but I’ll address to it later”?
CHRISTINA: Yeah, it seems like every time I feel resolved to start to do something about it I don’t stick with it. Yeah. Definitely.
ELIAS: Because that isn’t important enough.
CHRISTINA: Yeah.
ELIAS: Let me express to you, what happens is that you can move in that direction and, as you said, you might have a reason initially to, in a manner of speaking, be insulating yourself.
CHRISTINA: Yeah.
ELIAS: But then you become accustomed to that, and even though you may not necessarily like it, you are accustomed to it and it isn’t that bad.
CHRISTINA: Right.
ELIAS: Then you move farther in that direction, and then you aren’t insulating yourself any longer. You’re actually, in a manner of speaking, giving in to indulgence. And THAT becomes very easy. And the problem with indulgence is that you like it.
CHRISTINA: Yeah.
ELIAS: That in relation to whatever you are indulging yourself with, you do it because you like it. If it is food, it is because you like that food and therefore you are attracted to it. But what you don’t realize, when you move in the direction of indulgences – and it doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t have to be food. It could be other expressions, but food is an excellent example because it is easy. What you don’t realize is that it isn’t only a matter of you like it, that with certain expressions, when you are moving in the direction of indulging yourself your body consciousness shifts. You are giving it a different communication. You are instructing it differently.
And in that (sighs), you are instructing it in the capacity to allow this indulgence, this particular indulgence. And what the body consciousness does is it responds to that in a manner in which once it has that communication, that instruction, then it moves in a direction in which you almost crave that, that which you indulge. If you incorporate a few moments, let us say—not an actual plan to stop consuming or to move in a different direction; you aren’t even doing something that serious—but if you have a moment in which you express to yourself, “No, you aren’t going to engage that indulgence today. Or perhaps not even the entire day, but perhaps this afternoon I am not going to do that.” And your body will actually move in an expression to start signaling you. And what happens is, is that then you start generating feelings – signals – that you want that, and then it affects your thinking and you keep thinking about it.
Now, this is different from that type of thinking of you want something simply because you can’t have it. Which, that is expressed for a different reason, and it is different than this type of expression. Because with this type of expression, it isn’t simply that you are indulging yourself, but your actual physical body is encouraging that. And it encourages it not only through thinking, but through feeling, and you actually create chemical responses in your body that are prompting you and are signaling you and communicating to you, “No, you want this. You want this a lot.” And what happens is you automatically, within a very quick moment, you respond to that and you forget about doing differently. And then you procrastinate. Then it is, “I’ll do it a different day. I’m not ready to do this now.”
And the problem with that, the difficulty with indulgence, is that you won’t ever be ready. If you are waiting for it to subside, it won’t. Your body will continue to move in that direction. This is one of those actions that the indulgence becomes a habit, and this is one of those types of habits that requires intentionally breaking. And it initially requires some effort to do so.
The effort isn’t necessarily that you have tremendous opposing feelings happening or that you have withdraw symptoms. No, it isn’t that extreme, but it does require effort because your body does move in a direction in which it keeps signaling you: "You want this. You want this." You have to pay attention, and initially it requires some effort.
That is the point with first recognizing what is happening, what has been created, acknowledging that, then moving in a direction of finding something that is more important. Because if you don’t find something that is more important, nothing will be important enough. The override always is more important. The procrastinating is always more important. Therefore, it is a matter of finding something that is important enough to you that can match the importance of the indulgence.
And that could be anything. What I would say is for you, appearance isn’t enough—obviously. You don’t like it, you don’t want to express a certain appearance, but it isn’t important enough to override the indulgence. You notice it, you don’t like it, but… but you’re not obese, and you’re not tremendously uncomfortable. Therefore, the appearance itself is not enough. And you can justify that. You can express, “I can justify this with age and my position in life at this point. And I expect that sometime in the near future I will likely be a grandparent, and it’s acceptable for grandparents to have a different appearance. And it isn’t that I am obese and disgusting, therefore it isn’t that important.”
If you genuinely don’t like it, if you genuinely are not happy with what you are expressing – and let me say to you, that in relation to any type of indulgence, it isn’t necessarily beneficial. It is out of balance. Therefore, any type of indulgence that creates that imbalance is not necessarily something that is what you want to continue, because it simply leads you farther into that direction. Which more and more discounts you, and you become accustomed to discounting yourself. It becomes very easy. And that creates a situation in which it becomes harder to empower yourself. And that isn’t good.
In that, it is a matter of you individually within yourself assessing what is genuinely important to you. What I would say—and this likely at this point isn’t important enough either, yet—but what I would say to you is that this type of indulgence – actually almost any type of indulgence, but definitely in relation to what you consume – is not healthy. And it does actually move in a direction of encouraging you to stop regenerating, which your body consciousness naturally does, and you being human in this time framework automatically are already communicating to your body consciousness to stop regenerating, because you have strong beliefs in relation to aging. But then when you incorporate this type of expression in addition to that, then you are not only stopping the regeneration but you are also encouraging the body consciousness to dysfunction. Therefore, you are moving in the direction of damage, not simply not regenerating but actually degenerating. And you don’t feel that yet, therefore that likely isn’t considerably important to you yet. But I would say to you, it is something to consider, because it is definitely important, period. And it WILL be important to you in the not-too-distant future.
And in that, then it can be much more difficult to undo what you have already done. Not that you can’t, but it becomes more difficult.
But it doesn’t matter. It could be any reason. It could be appearance. It could be the shape of your face or the shape of your body. It could be a certain type of clothing that you want to engage that you don’t engage now. Or it could be any expression; it doesn’t matter. It isn’t a matter of an evaluation of whether something is deep or something is shallow. It is a matter of what can I discover or create that is important enough to me to give me the motivation to match this indulgence and therefore stop doing it.
Once you stop, you will recognize very quickly that it isn’t as difficult as you thought. Most of it is in your head. Most of the difficulty is in your head, not in actual practice. And once you move in that direction, you discover that very quickly, that it is much easier than you thought it was. But it is initiating those first steps that can be considerably challenging, and it is. But you can do it.
CHRISTINA: Okay. (Laughs) Thank you.
ELIAS: You are very welcome.
CHRISTINA: Thank you. Let’s see, what else.
One thing I wanted to ask you about was my emotional expression, which has changed in the last year. I used to experience emotions quite intensely and be very dramatic, and I just noticed in the last year that things don’t bother me as much. Even when I get angry or any other emotion, I don’t feel it as strongly as I used to. And I didn’t know if I had changed my focus type, but my impression was probably not. And I thought it might have more to do with that I stopped personalizing a lot?
ELIAS: Partially, yes. And growing.
CHRISTINA: Good.
ELIAS: Expanding and becoming more self-aware. And in doing so, you do generate more ease, more calm. You shift what is important, too, and therefore many of the subjects and expressions that were important to you are not as important any longer. And another piece of that is that you naturally, without necessarily entirely identifying it to yourself or defining it to yourself, you begin to move in a direction in which it is not as important for you to be defending yourself continuously, or proving yourself. And in not having to express those two factors, defending or proving, it isn’t necessary to engage so much drama.
And now let me also express to you, therefore you may have the ability now and futurely to understand other individuals, such as your children at younger ages who may create drama. Let me say to you, contrary to what many individuals think presently, drama is not necessarily bad. It is a very efficient method to gain your attention. It works. It is successful. It can be exhausting, but it is also amazing in how much stamina you have, and it validates how much energy you have to maintain it, because it requires a considerable amount of energy to maintain drama. And you can do it very easily, and most individuals that engage a considerable amount of drama are very accustomed to it, and they move naturally in a very high expression of energy.
And in that, when you move into this aspect of your life, when you are more aware and you have shifted your perception more and it isn’t necessary for you to create that much drama to get your attention any longer, it is excellent to remember: you haven’t lost all that energy. You still have all that energy and all that power; you simply can channel it in different directions now.
But it is also beneficial to realize that it is an efficient method for many, many, many individuals, especially the less self-aware they are. And in that, it can be understandable when other individuals create considerable drama, and therefore not necessarily judge them for that but rather understand. And you can be supportive in their drama, because the piece about drama that also most individuals don’t necessarily realize is that it isn’t contagious. Most individuals, they don’t think about it but they generate an association that it is contagious. And it isn’t.
Therefore, you can maintain your calm while someone else is expressing considerable drama, and not discount them and be supportive of them but not be involved with it.
CHRISTINA: Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, I would congratulate you in that, that you have moved in a direction of becoming more self-aware and therefore generating more calm, more ease with yourself. And you can communicate to yourself without the flares. (Both laugh)
CHRISTINA: And in the last, let’s see… six months or so, I’ve been practicing pretty religiously paying attention to what I’m doing, when I remember. (Both laugh) It’s amazing how many times during the day I forget (Elias laughs), but I definitely have it as an intention and practicing being present, so I wanted to get your feedback on that. How am I doing?
ELIAS: Very well.
CHRISTINA: Okay.
ELIAS: And I would be very encouraging. And I acknowledge that, that it is quite natural to forget. (Christina laughs) Because it isn’t automatic yet.
CHRISTINA: Right.
ELIAS: It is unfamiliar and something that is new and that you are practicing. And in that, it requires some time – not a considerable amount of time, though. And let me also express to you that even when it is automatic, that doesn’t mean that you are objectively paying attention to every single action that you do within a day. That would be considerably tedious, and that wouldn’t necessarily be indicative of a flow.
Therefore, that is perhaps a misunderstanding or an idea that most individuals have that isn’t actually correct. That if they are enlightened, if they are very self-aware, they will be paying attention to every single action that they engage, every single choice within the day. No. You want that awareness to be as automatic as not being aware. And if you are moving in that automatic direction, you don’t have to think about everything you do, because you will be automatically doing IN that state of awareness. You don’t have to think about everything. (Chuckles)
But I would express congratulations that you are moving considerably in that direction.
CHRISTINA: Thank you.
ELIAS: You are welcome.
CHRISTINA: (To Eric) How about you? Do you want to jump in?
ERIC: Yeah. My question has to with when we started discussing going to the session and we spoke about it and I was like, “Oh yeah, I definitely want to go,” and then at one point, Christina expressed that it was the first time we were going together. And my initial thought was no, we went this other time. And I have really strong memories of a session that I never went to. And I’m trying to—
CHRISTINA: [Inaudible]
ERIC: Well, right. (Elias laughs) I’m very disoriented. Okay, I don’t objectively… I was like trying to put it in the timeline of well, when did I go to the session that I’m remembering attending? And then at the session yesterday we were talking about people that were physically present, and I was thinking to myself, “I’m not so sure that some of the other people AREN’T present, even though we don't see 'em in the room with us…
ELIAS: And you are correct.
ERIC: Okay.
ELIAS: And you are definitely correct in that. And I definitely acknowledge you. And in that, an individual may not be participating in a manner in which they are in the same objective agreement of manifestation as you. That doesn’t mean they aren’t there and that they aren’t physically there; they are. But as we were discussing in our conversation yesterday, people’s realities can be very different, VERY different physically, because of their perceptions.
And it isn’t that you are remembering something wrong, or that you are remembering something that didn’t happen. You are remembering something that DID happen. It simply didn’t happen in the same manner that your partner remembers. You have two of your own experiences that are both very real, very valid, but they don’t necessarily match.
This is what I was expressing yesterday, that this can be very disorienting for many individuals, which is very understandable. Because your perceptions are so absolute, it is very difficult to reconcile when there are significant differences, especially in a physical capacity when two individuals or more than that are in the same place at the same time and expressing seemingly in the same manner and their experience is entirely different.
And at times, yes, I will express this happens, where two individuals can be in the same place at the same time and don’t know that they are together, because they aren’t in each other’s reality and they don’t see the other individual, therefore each of them has the perception that the other individual is absent. But they aren’t. But you see and experience differently.
ERIC: I think that my objective first experience with that has always been with my mother, that that has been a common theme that my mother’s experience is very different than mine. And that came up very dramatically in my childhood. I mean, basically [we] would come into arguments, because what she was saying didn’t match what I experienced and vice versa. And then eventually, I just got like, “Oh, she’s just remembering wrong.” I got dismissive of the thing. And then finally, I’m like, “No, her experience is just different than my experience.” What I was paying attention to was different than what she was paying attention to, and they’re both valid. And it’s coming to that "they’re both valid" thing and simply different, and not one is better or worse, and not putting a value; it’s just different.
ELIAS: Precisely.
ERIC: Based on where your attention is.
ELIAS: But that can be considerably frustrating in the moment when you are engaging with another individual, especially if you don’t have information. If you don’t know what is occurring objectively, it can be considerably frustrating when you are interacting with another individual and their expression is very different. And you are correct: it is based on what they are paying attention to.
That you can once again be in the same place at the same time, together, and have very different experiences, because you are paying attention in one direction and the other person is paying attention in another direction, and therefore what you see, what you hear, what you experience, what you remember is completely different. And it doesn’t match. And it doesn’t jive together.
And in that, especially in relation to the dynamic between adults and children, the children I would say are generally the ones that are most affected in those situations. Because adults automatically incorporate the tendency to not only dismiss but to express that the child is imagining or they are… their head is in a fantasy land, they aren’t paying attention at all. They are very quick to be dismissive of children and make many different types of excuses that are acceptable to them, and understandable to them, and don’t challenge them in those differences.
But the children don’t do that. The children are looking at the adults in confusion because they aren’t excusing them by thinking that they are imagining something or that they are in some other reality. The child experiences considerable confusion attempting to understand why they are being dismissed and why the adult isn’t aware of the same expression that the child is.
ERIC: And we’ve experienced that just recently with our son, that there’s an event that he remembers attending that we’re having trouble reconciling with. And so, he went to this event and it’s like, “All right, Alex. You went. (Laughs) You saw Disney on Ice. None of us remember Disney on Ice. You remember it. You were there. You did that.” So, it’s…
ELIAS: Yes. And let me express to you, it also isn’t so black and white as to, “You remember that event, you did it, you went to that and we didn’t.” You might have. In his reality, he brought you with him.
ERIC: Yeah.
ELIAS: But not necessarily your attention. Therefore, remember: you create all of your reality, every moment of it, every aspect of it. Therefore, at times you might create the image of other people. You might not actually be participating with them, and the image that you project doesn’t include the other individual’s attention, and therefore you aren’t actually interacting with the other individual; you are interacting with your projection of them. But you can do that fairly easily and not really objectively know that you are doing it. You choose to have this experience.
And for a child (sighs), that is very understandable that they would include the images of the rest of their family with them, because they wouldn’t expect themself to do something alone. Therefore, it is very realistic that he would take you with him, or the images of you, and therefore it appears to be entirely normal to him. And it could be very confusing if you are expressing, “No, we didn’t do that.” (Chuckles) Because his experience is very real, and he is recalling that and expressing to himself, “How is this possible? Do you two have amnesia, that you don’t remember that you did this with me? Yes, we did this.” (Eric laughs) And it is confusing to them: “How is that possible, that you don’t know that or that you don’t remember that?”
And it isn’t a matter of dismissing them by expressing, “Very well. You did that. That was your reality.” THAT is received as being condescending.
CHRISTINA: Right.
ERIC: Right.
ELIAS: Because the other individual is receiving that energy and KNOWS you don’t believe it. (Laughs) And therefore, they are still equally as confused. But I would say that that is very real; yes. That it can be challenging initially when another individual expresses in that manner. And especially with adults addressing to children, you can even—beyond thinking that they are imagining—you can also think that they are making it up. Because these are all manners in which you dismiss.
CHRISTINA: So, what is the best way to acknowledge it?
ELIAS: What I would suggest is that when you are presented with that type of expression, to pause momentarily, to somewhat prevent yourselves from reacting initially, and perhaps initially not to respond much until you give yourself a few minutes to remind yourself that this is the other individual’s reality. And then, in that, you can respond in the manner of not pretending, not expressing, “Oh yes, I remember,” but rather move in the direction of not including the acknowledgment of your presence as important at all. Focus on THEIR experience. Allow them to share their experience: “What did you think about the show? Did you like it? What was your favorite part of the show? What didn’t you like about the show?” Focus your attention on them and their experience, rather than attempting to pretend that you are participating and that you remember this too, when you don’t.
CHRISTINA: Right.
ELIAS: Therefore, you are acknowledging of the other individual, and you are giving yourself information about what their experience was.
CHRISTINA: Now I run into this quite a bit with my family, where they will bring up something and “Don’t you remember?” and I don’t. And there’s a lot of things I don’t remember, so I feel like oh, I just wasn’t paying attention or something. I mean, so five out of six people remember and I don’t remember. Is that a similar…? Like where I was just creating differently? Or they… I was there without my attention?
ELIAS: Now, that depends. What I would say is if it is something that you experience somewhat consistently, therefore it is repeated and it isn’t an isolated event, as you expressed that this occurs repeatedly, then it generally is a matter of the one, you, are removing yourself for your own reasons. For whatever your reasons were – perhaps feeling that you didn’t entirely fit or you weren’t interested in what the rest of the family was interested in or it wasn’t important to you – there could be a myriad of reasons that would motivate you in that direction which you can evaluate yourself. It would be obvious to you.
And in that, what happens is, is that you begin to move in a direction in which you are creating a reality that is different from their reality, because you aren’t interested in their direction. Or with some people, it may be that something in the family’s reality was threatening to them, and therefore they may remove themself and create an entirely different reality. Which then when you are sharing memories, your memories are very different. And you don’t remember, you don’t recall what the others are expressing, and they don’t recall what you are expressing. Or you aren’t necessarily creating tremendously different experiences, that you aren’t creating an entirely different reality from the other individuals, but you aren’t including yourself in a lot of their realities.
Therefore, you are moving with them, but you aren’t necessarily participating in all of their exchanges or their events, or you might be tagging along, so to speak: “Don’t you remember when we were at Grandmother’s house and we had this experience?” You might remember being at Grandmother’s house, but not that experience, because you aren’t interested in what they are doing, and therefore you aren’t necessarily participating in that part of that reality. Yes, you are participating in most of it, but not specific events and not specific interactions, because it may not have been interesting to you.
That is less common. It happens, but that is less common. What is usually more common is when children feel threatened, and then what they do is they participate in a very general capacity but not specifically. They remove themselves from all of the personal and specific interactions, and they are simply participating in the general movement. And they have gaps in their memory, in their recall ability, because they feel threatened, because there is something threatening in their environment and they retreat from it.
CHRISTINA: Is that related to… like a lot of the memories that they bring up have to do when we lived in Bloomfield, and now we live in Windsor. And at that time I was talking with you a lot, and you told me I was receding from my experience and I was expressing a lot of hesitation. Which I don’t do that so much anymore, but I wonder if… would that be prompting me to sort of not be present with them?
ELIAS: Yes.
CHRISTINA: Okay.
ELIAS: It isn’t that black and white. It isn’t that you aren’t present; it is that you are selective about what you participate in. Therefore, you have the general background, but that you are being selective in relation to what you participate in, which would affect your recall.
CHRISTINA: And is that discounting or dismissive of them, that I’m not…?
ELIAS: Not necessarily. It is different. It is not necessarily discounting or dismissive of them, but rather you responding to you in relation to what is important to you and what isn’t important to you, and what interests you and what doesn’t interest you.
Very similar to any interaction with another individual. You may not be interested in everything they do or everything that interests them. And this also is associated, to a degree, with what we were discussing in relation to the rules, because many individuals incorporate – this is very common – the rule that if an individual is important to you, then what they DO is important to you. If you love someone, then what is important to them becomes important to you.
That isn’t necessarily correct. That isn’t necessarily true. You can love someone and someone can be important to you, and they can have interests that genuinely aren’t important to you or aren’t interesting to you, and that you don’t care in relation to what is important to them.
Now; how you reconcile that many times is that regardless that it isn’t important to you, you might inquire and you might participate with the other individual, ask them questions and allow them to share what is important to them, regardless that it isn’t important to you, because you love them and because THEY are important to you. But that doesn’t always occur in that manner. Sometimes you can care about someone, you can love someone, they can be important to you, and you genuinely don’t care about what is important to them (chuckles) and you don’t pay attention to it. And that doesn’t diminish your expression of love for that individual or that you care or that they are important to you; it doesn’t diminish that at all. It is simply a different manner of expression, a different type of interaction.
Unfortunately, because that is such a common expression, that is such a common rule with most individuals, many individuals will perceive that type of action as being dismissive, even though it isn’t. Therefore, it wouldn’t be surprising if – or let me say it shouldn’t be surprising – that another individual might express distress or even irritation if they aren’t receiving a particular expression because you aren’t responding to them in the manner that they expect you to, for you aren’t paying attention to what is important to them or asking them questions about it, because it isn’t important to you. And that may be irritating to them or distressing to them.
Now; I will follow that, simply for your clarification. That would be reflection but it isn’t a mirror. Therefore, the reflection would be what is your choice in how to respond to that? Would you be reactive to that, therefore reacting to a reaction? Or would you acknowledge yourself in that this is your natural expression and that it isn’t bad and you aren’t doing something wrong, and perhaps engage a different avenue to cooperate with that individual rather than incorporating this misunderstanding and rift? Or will you turn that on yourself and question yourself and discount yourself, thinking that you are doing something wrong? That is what that presentment is. Someone else is generating a reaction in relation to THEIR rules, but it is still a reflection to you because you are participating. And in the reflection to you, it is a matter of, “Very well, what is my choice? How do I respond to this? That is why I am presenting it to myself, to give myself the opportunity to make that choice.”
CHRISTINA: Okay. Great. (Elias chuckles)
Our time’s up, but…
ELIAS: Very well.
CHRISTINA: Thank you so much.
ELIAS: I greatly encourage both of you and acknowledge both of you in your experiences of not having the same reality as other individuals (all laugh) and accepting that.
I am tremendously supportive of both of you, and I shall greatly be anticipating our next meeting.
In wondrous lovingness to you, my dear friends, au revoir.
CHRISTINA: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 1 hour)
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