Dealing with Intense Feelings
Topics:
Session 201610241
“Dealing with Intense Feelings”
“How We Draw People and Events to Ourselves”
“Choices of Involvement”
“Genuine Supportiveness”
Monday, October 24, 2016 (Private/In Person)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Julie (Fontine)
“You are creating placing yourself in a position in which that is a part of your reality, or you are drawing certain experiences and people to yourself, and therefore you are creating that as a part of your reality, but you are not creating their expressions…. And in that, what you are creating is that presentment of your choices: ‘What are my choices in relation to this presentment?’ You are not creating what other individuals do.”
ELIAS: Good morning!
JULIE: Good morning, Elias.
ELIAS: What shall we discuss?
JULIE: Well, first of all, I’ll just tell you, I seem to have, I don’t know, like dropped a big chunk of.... I don't know how to describe it; maybe you can help—like judgment of myself, maybe…I still do care how people perceive me, but it's a lot less, like noticeably, which makes me feel more freed up to be spontaneous. But yeah, the judgment piece, like things that I would previously judge in myself or others just don't bother me.
ELIAS: Congratulations! That is tremendous.
JULIE: Thank you.
ELIAS: A very significant movement. That is part of re-evaluating what is important.
JULIE: Yeah, and that comes from being more present. I've been practicing—I mean, I’ve been practicing for years, but it seems like maybe I’m more present more of the time just naturally, from all the practice.
ELIAS: Yes!
JULIE: Like I’ll remember to be present, and then I’ll notice my state of being and it's not any different than the previous moment—like, “Oh, maybe I already was present.“
ELIAS: Yes.
JULIE: Yeah.
ELIAS: It is becoming natural and automatic. Congratulations!
JULIE: Thank you.
ELIAS: Well done! (Both chuckle)
JULIE: Still going, but yeah, thank you. I think that has a big impact on everything else.
ELIAS: Very much so.
JULIE: The importance. (Elias chuckles)
So, I wrote this this morning, I’ll read it to you: “This is the point. Deepening my awareness in the now moment allows for greater appreciation of whatever I am engaging. And it is the most wonderful experience when I feel truly aware, deeply aware and connected to my self-experience in the now. That's what the rest of this life is about, to flow with that and to expand the appreciation to more and more qualities of this existence. And for me, that includes other people, and they all are so lovely. This is the point.”
ELIAS: Congratulations. And, that is the point. (Chuckles) Excellent.
And what do you feel in relation to that and this new awareness?
JULIE: I feel that…You know, sometimes my awareness is deeper or more… I don’t know if it's focused, but more clear—clarity. The more I am in the present moment and clear and aware of my existence, the moment seems like it expands. The moment point is so much more full. And that can be any subject matter—like doing yoga, I appreciate even my muscle pains when I’m stretching. I appreciate everything. It's like even discomfort, I appreciate that. It just seems more, I guess, clear, but then I discover more about these aspects of my body, my feelings, energy. I feel like everything can come into deeper and deeper clarity because I’m noticing it happen. And then I realize that there’s so much more.
ELIAS: Precisely.
JULIE: So much farther I can go.
ELIAS: Yes, and that is also precisely the point. Not so much farther you HAVE to go; so much farther you CAN go.
JULIE: Can go, yes, and it’s delicious.
ELIAS: Yes.
JULIE: Yeah. It's not like a “should;” it’s more like, “Oh wow, it’s wondrous!”
ELIAS: Now let me present to you a question: In all of this, you are experiencing that appreciation, that fullness, that clarity, and that does generate the emotional communications of validation, which does generally create a feeling signal which generally is positive and that you enjoy. There is contentment, satisfaction, exhilaration, excitement, enjoyment. BUT—the question I would pose to you in these experiences that you are generating is that do you notice that in these experiences you can generate significantly intense signals, intense feelings in what you perceive as a positive manner, but that those feelings in their intensity appear to cut off at different points—not in a negative manner, but merely that they incorporate a tendency to, when you feel an intense surge of feelings you will feel it relatively briefly and then they stop?
The reason I am expressing this to you, or bringing this to your attention for you to notice, is that this is a tremendous example in relation to the feelings that most people don’t like, and the intensity of those feelings. For even in the positive feelings, when they become intense they can almost be uncomfortable, or they can even BE uncomfortable in their intensity. And in that, you can recognize, or you can begin to recognize, what occurs with those feelings that are what you think of as negative or uncomfortable and how your body automatically wants to do the same with them, wants to stop the ongoing expression with them as much as it does with the positive, but that as individuals you incorporate the tendency to focus on the negative or the uncomfortable feelings and therefore perpetuate them. And what that does is create this tremendous agitation in the body consciousness, which intensifies the feeling.
Having these experiences in a positive and encouraging direction is a tremendous example individually to yourself in how all intensities are not meant to be maintained. The body consciousness incorporates difficulty in maintaining them, and this is the reason that with positive feelings, you allow them and you don't continue to perpetuate them. And when they reach a crescendo in some type of intensity you are more likely to allow them to be expressed, then let go and move forward, with the appreciation and knowing that those are your validation moments and that you don't require those feeling signals to be maintained, for you do have that knowing of your direction and that you are accomplishing and that you will feel it again.
Now; in relation to the NEGATIVE feelings, or the uncomfortable feelings, how you deviate from that—and this is the reason that positive feelings are such a great example, because what you do with the negative is, they build to your crescendo and an intensity, and your body consciousness generates the same action. It becomes agitated, but you are so concentrated on dismissing or ridding yourself of those feelings that you concentrate on them by placing that judgment of bad and wrong and dislike, and it perpetuates it. This is also very much related to what we were discussing in our group interaction in relation to what you observe with other individuals and automatically move in those directions of anticipation and focus on that, rather than focusing on not merely now but focusing on allowing the feelings to be what they are, to be expressed and to be let go. That is what is significantly important, not perpetuating that.
For even POSITIVE feelings become uncomfortable when you are perpetuating them, and [when] you are moving in a direction of concentrating on them in the capacity that you want them to continue, you begin to become restless and agitated and it turns. And then that appreciation, that comfortable feeling, even that excitement becomes an agitation rather than being what it was. And in this, you are more likely to automatically let go of the positive feelings and express them naturally than you are with a negative feeling, for that judgment slips into place and creates that difficulty.
I would be acknowledging of you tremendously, being a significant example in your life with the individuals around you.
JULIE: Thank you.
ELIAS: Well done!
But this is also a significant factor to be aware of not only for yourself but in recognition with other individuals and the struggles that they generate, in recognizing that this is what they automatically do also. They want to hold to the positive and at times move themselves into a state of agitation in trying to hold to the positive, or they want to dismiss or rid themselves of the negative and agitate themselves, for they concentrate on it. And that can aid you tremendously in what you are already doing in re-evaluating what is important. It can also aid you in more clearly recognizing what you observe but what does not actually involve you.
JULIE: That is an area where I get confused, because if I’m creating my whole reality, and it's uncomfortable for me to observe my loved ones suffering, I feel like I should… you know, like somehow I'm doing that; I'm creating that in my reality.
ELIAS: Let me clarify.
JULIE: Okay.
ELIAS: You are, and you aren’t. You are creating it being IN your reality, you are creating placing yourself in a position in which that is a part of your reality, or you are drawing certain experiences and people to yourself, and therefore you are creating that as a part of your reality, but you are not creating their expressions. You are drawing them very specifically. Your reality is so reverse of random; it is so immaculately precise. In this, in every moment of your existence, you place yourself—not intentionally yet, but you are moving in that direction—but place yourself in positions in which you will present to yourself whatever reflection precisely offers you the presentment of choice in what is your greatest benefit in that moment.
Let me offer a very simple example in a practical manner. You have surrounding you family and friends and community, especially family members, for they are the most interactive with you; you encounter them the most in time. In that, let us hypothetically say that you rise in the morning, you engage your morning routine, and everything you do seems to be quite usual. And let us say that two hours into your routine, you present to yourself one of your children, and they are expressing in a considerably agitated and angry expression.
Now; merely this one small scenario: First of all, your evaluation of yourself may be “I’ve been engaging my routine this morning and everything I have been doing has been calm and quiet, and how did THIS occur? And what am I presenting to myself next?” That is not random either, that it was that individual that expressed in that manner—it could have been anyone. The factor that it was one of your children is not merely because you interact with them more, or merely because they happen to be in the same physical proximity as you. No, that same individual very likely could have moved in an entirely different direction. It could have been a stranger that appeared at your door, or it could have been a friend phoning you on the telephone, or it could have been anyone. It took the form of one of your children because you drew that to yourself.
Let me express to you in a figurative manner. It is as though in your energy field you possess all of these eyes that can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles, and all of these eyes are looking in every direction and then are targeting “this one”: this individual is expressing in this manner, in this moment, now we will move to it. It is not that you are mysteriously materializing or creating the image of another individual; it is…When I express you are drawing that to yourself, more literally all of those eyes in your energy field are looking for what is matching of what you want to present to yourself in that moment, what you want to present as choice in that moment, and you target the precise expression and you move to it, even though it seems that it moved to you. You might not physically move at all, but in that, it is all very precise. Are you creating what the other individual is expressing? No; that is their choice, and that is being expressed from some motivation within them. But you are creating your availability to be present and to have that be a part of your reality, to have that specific expression be your reflection in that moment. It may not be an individual; it may be a toaster that is malfunctioning. It can be anything. It is everything.
In that, in relation to what you perceive as living expressions, do you create any of their expressions or their choices? No; you do not, but you do place yourself in that path. You place yourself in that proximity or in that availability. And in that, what you are creating is that presentment of your choices: “What are my choices in relation to this presentment?” You are not creating what other individuals do.
Now; in relation to the choice—and it is always a presentment of choice—it is matter of recognizing “I’m not creating what the other individual is expressing, but I am presenting it to myself, for I am creating the reality that it is being presented. That means I am presenting a choice to myself.”
Now; dependent upon WHAT you are presenting to yourself, it may be a presentment of a choice of whether that situation or expression actually involves you or not. If you are not personally involved in what is being expressed, then your role is actually the supporter or the listener, and there is a tremendous difference between involving yourself and listening.
Now; let us say that when your child in this hypothetical situation is presenting to you this expression of being very angry, and let us say that their reason for being very angry is that one of their friends expressed in a manner that was hurtful and cruel, and they trusted them, and you know this friend and you have entertained this friend, and you might even have somewhat of a relationship with this friend, and they are devastated and hurt and very angry, and you are not helping because you are nice to them, and therefore they are angry at you also for being accommodating to this friend that is so cruel, or being accepting of them, and they want you to be hateful towards them. They may not express that in those terms, but they are definitely moving in that direction. They want an echo.
Now; in that, this is a presentment of a choice of involvement. Remember, reflections are not mirrors; therefore, it may be a presentment of a choice of involvement. In that, what has occurred between your child and this other individual you were not present in, you are not involved with, regardless that you may be invested with both individuals, regardless that you may express affection with both individuals. You are not involved in the actual scenario, but you also love and care about your child and you want to be sympathetic to their situation, and you want to be supportive but you don't want to be echoing and reinforcing that, and in that, it is a choice of whether you involve yourself. Now if you echo, you are involving yourself. If you move in a direction of expressing in a capacity of joining yourself with your child—“You are right, that was terrible, it is awful that this individual did that to you, and I don't understand why people do these things.” that may not be entirely echoing but it is involving yourself; and in that, it perpetuates what the other individual is doing, and it perpetuates them in a victim position. And it is destructive to you, because now you are no longer present and you are no longer paying attention to you; you are fixed on that situation and you are involving yourself and coloring your perception, because you are involving yourself in what doesn't involve you. Or it could be your partner. It could be any scenario.
In this, it is a matter of recognizing [that] other individuals generate choices. Yes, you are creating that they are in your reality, but you are not generating their choices. And you are not necessarily participating in their choices, either, merely for the reason that they are IN your reality; you have placed them and placed yourself in positions for reasons. In this, it may be for the opportunity to choose what your response is, whether you involve yourself or don't involve yourself. It may be learning how to be supportive without involving yourself. In that, hearing the other individual, being witness to the other individual, being supportive by expressing that you are receiving what they are expressing but not generating a judgment and not echoing but reinforcing that you are hearing, that you do see them, and in that, responding to what they are experiencing, not what the third party did—not what the scenario was, but what they are experiencing, which may generate very different responses for you in that you are not including the experience for what generated this response. You are not including that; you are only addressing to what you are involved with, which is that moment, for that moment is directly involving your attention—not the experience, not the cause, but only that moment with what is occurring between you and your child, not WHY it is occurring. That is the piece—not the why but what is now, yes, only between the two of you.
In this, that changes the perception tremendously. It removes the blame piece, for you are not concerned with the incident, and it allows you to address to your choices in supportiveness, your choices in what you actually are involved with or not. And it empowers you, for it allows you to recognize there is nothing to fix. It is not about fixing, that they are distressed or sad or angry or hurt. For the fixing involves the cause, the other scenario, but that does not involve you. What involves you is only what is occurring now. In that, then it is not a matter of fixing. It may be a matter of comforting or merely listening and expressing that reassurance that you are listening; they are important to you. You are not expressing in words, “You are important to me and that individual is not,” or “That individual is not important and should not be important to you.” Obviously that individual IS important to them or they would not be distressed, and the situation is important to them. But by you moving in that direction, you generate two actions simultaneously: expressing an example to the other individual to BE more present and not be dwelling in the judgment and the blame, and you empower yourself in that there is nothing to fix. You didn't present this to yourself because you created that; you presented that to yourself as a choice, not because you created the other individual or their expression.
In relation to you creating your reality and every other individual on your planet that you ever encounter in your lifetime, the only aspect of them that you are creating is the image. You create the image of them; you are not creating what they do, how they express themself, what their behavior is, what their choices are, what they engage, what their direction is—none of it, just as much as they are not creating any of yours. Are they creating any of your choices?
JULIE: Well, through their perception they might be, right?
ELIAS: In their perception they may THINK they are.
JULIE: Not my choices, but what I am doing. I mean, they might think I'm doing something very different than what I think I'm doing, what I perceive that I’m doing.
ELIAS: No.
JULIE: No?
ELIAS: They generally won't. They may not perceive it precisely in the manner that you do or in what you are doing, and vice versa, but it is very close.
JULIE: Okay.
ELIAS: There are moments in which each of you may generate a perception of another individual that seems to deviate significantly from what they are expressing—not necessarily what they are doing, but what they are expressing—and that is different. That is…Generally speaking, when that occurs, you yourself are projecting a different picture in a moment. You are, in a manner of speaking, so consumed and focused on not necessarily your own awareness, but on some issue or some defense or some difficulty that you yourself are expressing, that it is, in a manner of speaking, projecting a film over the other individual and you are placing it on them.
JULIE: Okay.
ELIAS: Therefore, this is what creates misunderstandings and miscommunications between individuals. But in general, are individuals creating very different perceptions of each other? Not generally. Your perceptions of each other are fairly close to what the other individual is actually doing or expressing. Your image of the other individual and what they are doing is very close to what they are actually doing, and those experiences where there are significant differences are very infrequent. You don't do that very frequently at all. For the most part you do cooperate with each other.
And another factor in this is that, generally speaking, unless you are intentionally buffering, your natural, genuine state with your energy field is to be open to a degree. It may not be entirely open, but it is open to a degree in which you are continuously projecting and receiving. You are continuously receiving energy from other outside sources, which is what aids you in perceiving them very similar to what they are actually expressing and similar to their perception of what they are doing. It will be slightly different—not significantly, but it will be slightly different because your perception is filtering through your guidelines, and therefore, what you receive will be filtered through your guidelines. Not that you don't receive all of their energy in the manner that they are projecting it, but what you target are the important pieces to you.
This is the reason that when individuals generate a conversation, what may be important to express in one individual may be heard differently by another individual, for what they hear are the points that are important to them. It is not that they do not hear everything that is being expressed; it is that your attention immediately moves to the points that are important to you. And if there are challenges or issues or associations in play, that will influence what is important to you also and what you pay attention to in relation to what the other individual is expressing. It is not that you do not receive it all—you do; you merely filter it in relation to your attention.
But even in that, for the most part, even with misunderstandings and miscommunications, you notice—most of the time—you notice that there is a deviation, or there is a disconnect, or there is a miscommunication, and you continue to engage until you move to a point in which both individuals are hearing the whole expression. You may not agree with it any more than you began to, but you do notice when there is a miscommunication. Therefore, that is your indicator. You are not buffering out what the other individual is doing or expressing; you are merely filtering it.
In this, what I would say to you is, this is the significant piece of pausing and recognizing “What is my actual involvement in what is occurring in this moment in relation to the other individual? The factor that they are present in my reality does not mean I created their scenario;” you didn’t. It does not mean that you created their choices. Reverse it, and that will emphasize it to you. You already know they are not creating your choices, but when they involve themselves in what doesn't involve them with you, it does influence you. If you are experiencing, if we reverse the scenario and if your child is echoing your anger, what does it do? It feeds it. It does not help you to express it and let it go; what it does is it encourages you to be stuck in the explanation rather than the expression and then letting go. And this is a position that most individuals become stuck in: the explanation, over and over and over. “This happened because this, this, this. But this this this happened,” and they continue to perpetuate. Any response that is offered, there is “But this happened, and this is the reason,” and this is because you become stuck in the explanation, thinking that that is your method of expressing. No, that is not expressing; that is explaining. Expressing is very simple, and there is no explanation. Expressing is (loudly) “AAH!” That is not an explanation.
JULIE: Okay. That helps. It’s very simple. (Laughs)
ELIAS: Yes. Expressing is very simple. It does not include any explanation or justification, and most individuals become stuck in the explanation rather than the expression, and they don’t let go. And that is the hook, so to speak, of becoming involved with what doesn't involve you, for the individual—or yourself—is stuck in the explanation, and that pulls you, or influences that pull, for you to participate in the explanation and the scenario, when in actuality it is choice of recognition: “This is not helpful.” What is helpful is perhaps suggesting or offering the question, “Would you like to scream?” (chuckles), rather than participating in the echoing.
But it is extremely important that you can distinguish also [that] yes, you create every second, every moment of your reality and everything in it—meaning every presentment, not every outside choice. You don't create those behaviors. You don't create those choices or those directions—they do. You create the presentment of it, and then the choice of what you do with it. And every choice, every presentment of choices is your opportunity to expand, to learn, to be more aware, to be more clear—which is what you are doing.
And when you present that surprising expression to yourself, and you are expressing, “I’m being calm—why am I presenting this?” Remember, it is not a mirror. What is your direction? Being more aware, giving yourself more opportunities to expand, giving yourself more clarity. Those are the desires, [and] this is a presentment of a choice to do precisely that.
JULIE: And with me in that direction of more clarity.
ELIAS: Yes, it is not that “Underlyingly, I must have been upset,” or “I must have been angry,” or “What was I doing that generated this?” No, you didn't generate the expression; you placed yourself in a position to present it to yourself. Why? For that choice. What choice is presented in this? And if you can remember what your desire is, rather than all of the imagery of the day, you may more easily recognize “This is a choice to give myself more clarity—more clarity of how to be supportive, more clarity in how to be nurturing, more clarity in how to discern what involves me or what doesn't involve me, more clarity in general in what my choices are. I always have choices in every scenario and every moment. What are my choices?” That may be in itself one of the presentments.
There are many moments in which you don’t know you have choices, you don't see them because you are interactive with other individuals, and you see their choices and you don’t necessarily see your own. You see what they are doing, and you automatically move in the direction of “What can I do about it?” because you automatically move in the direction of “How can I help? Therefore, by extension what can I do about their choices?” And that becomes confusing, and that moves you in a direction of not knowing where your own choices are, or not seeing your own choices.
JULIE: Yeah, that happens a lot—I don’t see my own choices. I’m mostly just responding, I feel, being aware of the other individual and responding but not “What do I want?”
ELIAS: And that is a question that is challenging to genuinely answer, for automatically your answer moves to the other individual. “What do I want? I want THEM to be comfortable. I want THEM to be happy”—no. What do YOU want? Not what do you want for someone else or in relation to some outside source? “I want my car to function”—no. What do YOU want?
[The timer for the end of the session rings]
JULIE: Can you give one example of like something off the wall that I wouldn't have thought of that I wanted but I never would have seen it because I'm responding to everything.?
ELIAS: Let us use a hypothetical example of the vehicle, and let us say that you have a plan and you have a destination and you are going to engage some activity outside of your home, and you walk outside and you step into your car and it won't start. And you try and you try, and it won't start, and you become distressed and angry. And you express to yourself, “What do I want? I want my car to start.” No, that is what you want for the car.
JULIE: I want to get to my destination.
ELIAS: What do you want? “I want to get to my destination”—no. What do you want? What is occurring at the destination?
JULIE: Me? I don’t know.
ELIAS: What is the purpose of the destination? It depends upon what it is, but whatever the destination is, there is something you want to express. Do you have to do it there? Let us say it is an appointment with a physician, and now you do not know how you will engage that appointment with the physician. What do you want? “I want to get to my destination.” What do you want? “I want to engage the physician.” What do you want? “I want information about myself. I feel strange. I want to know what is occurring in my body, and therefore, I was engaging the physician to tell me what is wrong.” You want to know what is wrong. “Do I want to know what is wrong? Do I want to know what is right? What DO I want? I want to know what to do.” You do not necessarily want to know what is wrong with you, and you might not necessarily want to know what is right with you, but you do want to know what your choices are. You want to know what to do. Just as with a situation with another individual, you want to know what to do.
In this, it is not about any outside source. It is about ‘What do I do with myself in this situation? What I am doing is I am engaging automatic pilot and looking for an answer from some outside source rather than looking to myself and asking myself, ‘What precisely am I experiencing? What is this feeling that I am generating?’ And I already have information about what to do. Perhaps let me attempt that first, rather than moving in a direction of looking to an outside source to fix me, because I automatically am expressing that there is something wrong with me.”
I am understanding. These are such automatic associations. They are such automatic expressions and directions that you don't see what your choices are. You don't know you have choices. If you feel off, rather than merely expressing “I feel off” and looking to some outside source to identify what that off feeling is, which likely they WON'T identify, you know your body much more than they do. They know physiology; they know anatomy; they don't know your body.
In that, it is not even a matter of tremendously analyzing. (Whispering with emphasis) Always move to the simplest answer. Always move in the simplest direction. It is not necessary to analyze, but rather than expressing, “What am I doing and why am I doing it? And what is the cause? And what is the deep-seated reason for this?” [you can ask] “What am I presenting to myself, and what are my choices? What can I choose?”
What is the most significant factor in relation to ANY choice? (Whispering) Attention. In relation to anything you choose, it is colored by what you pay attention to. What is your attention? Where are you directing your attention? In that, that gives you answers. If you can define where your attention is, you can give yourself the answer to “What are my choices?” It is always more simple than you think.
What I would express to you with all of that information, very hearty congratulations in everything you have been accomplishing. And I will reiterate in acknowledgment of that, congratulations, you ARE being the ocean. Acknowledge that in yourself. You are being tremendously supportive and an example, and that is a wondrous accomplishment and such a gift.
JULIE: Thank you.
ELIAS: Congratulations. Well done.
Continue to be that ocean.. “the buoyant.” And I express TREMENDOUS encouragement to you and will be continuing to offer my energy to you, not only in support but in comfort.
JULIE: Thank you, Elias.
ELIAS: In great lovingness to you, my dear friend, as always, au revoir.
JULIE: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 1 hour 8 minutes)
Copyright 2016 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.