Session 201304091

Valuing Yourself Despite Others’ Opinions


“Valuing Yourself Despite Others’ Opinions”
“Perception Can Override Accomplishments”
“Reevaluating What Is Important”

Tuesday, April 9, 2013 (Private/In Person)

PARTICIPANTS: Mary (Michael) and Terri (Uliva)

ELIAS: Good morning!

TERRI: Good morning.

ELIAS: (Laughs) What have you been accomplishing?

TERRI: Nothing. (Laughs) I feel like nothing.


TERRI: (Emotionally) I don't feel like anything is working.

ELIAS: How so?

TERRI: I don't understand why I’m not even creating a hint of something changing.

I found out Sunday that they hired Heather, and I just knew that was why they let me go. She made up all those stories just to fire me to hire her best friend. (Emotionally) I just don't see a hint of anything good coming. I work so hard, and I just don't see anything.

ELIAS: (Quietly) Let me inquire of you, why is that so bothersome to you? Why is the situation with the other individual so bothersome to you?

TERRI: Because I spent so much time trying to fix what I thought I was doing wrong, and I wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong! She was creating the whole thing so she could fire me and hire her.

ELIAS: And why is that bothersome to you?

TERRI: Because it put me through a lot, and it’s putting me through a lot now, for nothing.

ELIAS: How is it putting you through a lot now?

TERRI: Because nothing’s happening, and I had to get food stamps and an appointment. I don't want work for somebody else, I just… I don't know what to do, I'm at such a loss. I don't know what to do! Nothing, just nothing seems like it's changing. Nothing seems better.

ELIAS: This is a matter of attention. You know that?

TERRI: I tried. I tried putting my attention where it should be, and it's not getting me anywhere. I have to go into my savings. It's not going anywhere!

ELIAS: (Pause) Answer me: What are you paying attention to – now?

TERRI: Right now, how nothing's changing!

ELIAS: Correct! And?

TERRI: I spent months paying attention to things changing for the good, and nothing's doing anything. And that sent me right into a tailspin.

ELIAS: I would express a hearty disagreement. And this is an excellent –

TERRI: I don’t even see a sign.

ELIAS: This is an excellent example of how quickly your perception can change and how strongly it can override what you HAVE accomplished. First of all you were unhappy and uncomfortable in the position in that job. You were twisting and turning yourself in all directions to be accommodating of another individual, which was considerably uncomfortable for you. NOT being at that job was definitely an accomplishment and, in your terms, a positive – for you. That is one accomplishment.

I would express, being at that job, continuing in that position, was NOT an accomplishment. You were uncomfortable, you were discounting yourself, you were compromising and accommodating. What do you define as positive in that?

TERRI: I just don't like the way she made me look so bad to everybody else for nothing. It was all a lie!

ELIAS: What is the bothersome part in that? How is it directly affecting YOU? What does it matter what other individuals think?

TERRI: Because I did such a good job there, and it just feels like she destroyed it all! The stories that she made up!

ELIAS: She cannot destroy what you do. (Pause) And even if she generates, in your terms, “stories” with other individuals, are you interacting with those other individuals?

TERRI: Not directly, but I still ...

ELIAS: STOP! Not directly, no.

TERRI: I don't want my legacy there being tainted by her fucking lies. She is such a piece-of-shit person.

ELIAS: I am not expressing that you do not incorporate reason to be distressed, or in your terms “upset.” What I am expressing to you is to allow yourself to stop and look at what you are allowing to affect you. (Pause)

You are not interactive with these individuals; you do not want to BE interactive with these individuals.

As to legacy! “Legacy”? Genuinely? That was a steppingstone. That is not your life. That is not your contribution; that was a steppingstone.

TERRI: But I made a contribution while I was there.

ELIAS: Yes, you generated a contribution, and she cannot destroy that.

TERRI: She can in the eyes of other people.

ELIAS: And it matters not. Their perceptions are not directly affecting of you. It matters to you? If it matters to you, then there is a problem.

TERRI: There's always a problem. I’m so over this. I tried so hard.

ELIAS: You were very successful in your creativity, in your art. You have been successful in relation to the dogs. You have been successful in the direction of what you are doing personally. You are successful with your son. You have been successful with the other individual that you incorporated as a tenant. You have been successful in many directions, and you stomp them all in relation to one other individual and what she is doing and allowing that to be bothersome to you? Allowing that to be important? Where are YOU in the importance?

TERRI: I don't know.

ELIAS: Why is she so important?

TERRI: I don't want that to be the last impression everybody’s left with, with all that I did there. These lies that she made up about me.

ELIAS: First of all, I would express that another aspect of this – which, you are correct, moves somewhat deeper than the surface – is that you incorporate a perception of individuals in general that they are incapable of forming their own opinions.

TERRI: They form them based on what they know, and all they know is her side, which is a lie.

ELIAS: I would disagree again. They know her opinion. Even without your input, that is not to say that other individuals automatically accept and share that same opinion without the experience. They may listen, they may hear it, but they may not incorporate the same opinion, for their experience is different. But you automatically assume that other individuals will accept another individual's opinion and generate a judgment in relation to you, and you allow that to be bothersome to you, for you generate the association and the idea that all individuals accept every suggestion and are incapable of forming their own opinion. (Pause)

This other individual, friend or no, may incorporate no opinion of you at all. She may hear what is being expressed and form NO opinion, for it does not directly affect her and she is not interacting with you. (Pause)

(Quietly) This is the reason that what you pay attention to is so very important. What you are allowing yourself to move into and to do with your attention is focus your attention upon one individual and allowing them to dictate to you.

What is unresolved with this individual? That is significant. (Pause) What do you WANT from this individual that is creating –

TERRI: I don't want anything from them.

ELIAS: (Pause) There is an unresolved element in this, or you would not continue to create her being so important. She is obviously important. (Pause)

You feel wronged. If she was not important, you would not FEEL wronged. (Long pause)

In this, I would suggest that perhaps with this individual the reason that it continues to be important and that you feel wronged is that you sought out acknowledgement in the very least, approval more so, from this individual when you were interactive with her and were not offered it, and that was disappointing. And now, creating the addition of insult to injury, now she generates another action that because she is important, you are paying attention to and literally she has now insulted you in addition to the injury of not acknowledging you, acknowledging your value.

Not every individual that you encounter within your lifetime will witness you. Not every individual will acknowledge you, validate you, value you – and the choice in that is in actuality yours. In valuing yourself, it is a question of what is important to you. If you and your value are important to you, then individuals that do not value you hold no importance. They do not fit in your experience, or in your terms in your life.

That is not to say that they are bad; they are different. Yes, it is important to be evaluating differences, and it is important to accept differences, but as I have expressed many, many, many times, accepting does not require agreeing. You can accept a difference of another individual. You can acknowledge that and you can also express that you dislike it, you disagree and that does not fit with you. For ultimately what is important is for you to value you and not allow any other individual to occupy that importance to be so bothersome to you. You are worth more. You are more valuable than that.

TERRI: I just don't understand why nothing’s changing.

ELIAS: Remember what I expressed to you in relation to attention and in relation to your nature: In every moment you always create more. It is a matter of what you pay attention to that determines what you create more of. I would express that it is not unusual to set an intention to be moving in harmony and in the direction of your intention, and perhaps to step off that path and to become distracted with the labyrinth. It is not unusual. Be encouraged, for you can always step OUT of the labyrinth.

TERRI: I spent the last month being very focused and nothing changed. This just happened Sunday.

ELIAS: Ah! You are expressing nothing changed, you have not accomplished anything, nothing is changing, which are tremendous generalizations, and I would again disagree with you. What you are expressing when you expressed nothing changed is not actually that nothing changed but the materialization of what you want did not occur.

TERRI: Or even a hint that I was on the right track. There haven't been any signs or anything! And now I’m having to go into my savings! (Pause)

ELIAS: In this interim time framework since our previous conversation, what all have you been engaging?

TERRI: My art.


TERRI: My dogs.


TERRI: That's pretty much it. My TV (chuckles).

ELIAS: And what do you think about?

TERRI: Picturing spending time at my campground and patients being there, and the house on the lake and traveling and things like that.

ELIAS: And what else were you engaging?

TERRI: I don't think anything else. That's pretty much what I have been doing.

ELIAS: (Pause) No more actual engaging the direction?

TERRI: What do you mean?

ELIAS: No more investigating, interacting with other individuals?

TERRI: I was looking at different art retreats online and stuff to see how much they charged, but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

ELIAS: I am expressing in relation to your campgrounds.

TERRI: That's what I am talking about. It doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

ELIAS: Have you interacted with any other individuals?

TERRI: I don't know where else to look.

ELIAS: (Long pause) Yes, you do. You are merely unmotivated.

TERRI: (Pause) Maybe so.

ELIAS: You are excellent at exploring, my friend.

TERRI: (Pause) I don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.

ELIAS: (Pause) And that is part of the problem: looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

TERRI: Well you know what, other people look for the light and they see it and they reach the end of the tunnel. I don't know why I’m the only one that can't create, and if I move my attention one iota and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel I've destroyed everything, and I'm back to square one.

ELIAS: I would disagree again.

TERRI: I’m so fed up with this. I am so done with it.

ELIAS: Very well. What do you want?

TERRI: I want some money! (Emotionally) I don't know why I'm the only one that can't create this. I want to create my success and I try so hard. (Pause)

I don't want to lose the few things I have left. That’s when I started going into my savings. There’s not much left. I’m going to lose everything! And I don't want to work for somebody else again. I’m so sick of people. (Long pause)

ELIAS: (Quietly) Do you want to yell? (Chuckling)

TERRI: I don't know what I want. I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want some sign. (29-second pause)

ELIAS: Other than manifestations, what do you want to do?

TERRI: I don't know. I don't know anymore. (20-second pause)

ELIAS: Perhaps we may engage a slightly different angle. What feels safe now?

TERRI: My bed.


TERRI: That's about it. Laying in my bed with my dogs. (Long pause)

ELIAS: Therefore the dogs continue to be safe.

TERRI: Yeah. (Long pause)

ELIAS: (Slowly) Perhaps… you could engage the dogs in a walk.

TERRI: (Sarcastically) Yeah. I did that yesterday. Calvin had two episodes, one of them in the middle of a mud puddle. It was not fun. I didn't enjoy it.

ELIAS: May I finish?

TERRI: Yeah.

ELIAS: Perhaps you can engage the dogs with a walk in an area of a campground. (22-second pause)

I would express that engaging an area and including an aspect that represents safety to you may help alter the energy. (Long pause)

It is not merely a walk. It is an exercise, which can serve to create movement in your energy to allow you to release some energy, but also in a manner that engages your attention but is also engaging an aspect of your symbol of safety. For I would express that the reason that you are generating the panic that you are presently is that you are feeling very unsafe, therefore that would be the first direction to address to. It is very difficult to move energy when you are clouded and when you are holding energy being protective, for you feel unsafe. In this, generating an action that incorporates some expression of safety is reinforcing.

Being in your bed with the dogs provides an aspect or an element of safety with the dogs, but being in your bed actually reinforces that perception of not doing and not accomplishing, which is another aspect that I discussed in relation to the attractiveness of feelings, even if they are uncomfortable feelings. They are attractive, and they hold your attention, but that can be destructive. (Long pause)

I would express to you, my dear sweet friend, it is a matter of reevaluating importance – importance and benefit. Safety is definitely a benefit, and it is important. Feeling unsafe is definitely destructive. But it is also important that you are valuing yourself, that you are acknowledging yourself and not thinking, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” (Chuckling). It all means nothing. (42-second pause)

You have been accomplishing considerably well. You genuinely have. (Long pause)

Do not toss it all away. (Pause)

TERRI: I just don't feel like I have much to show for it. Words are great, but they don't pay the bills. (27-second pause) I don't know. (Long pause)

I was watching a skateboarding movie, and the mother of a skateboarder looked just like Mary. Was that another focus of hers?

ELIAS: (Pause) Yes.

Let me offer to you another angle for your contemplation. You gained information and contacts through your previous job. You created contacts with other individuals. I would offer for contemplation or entertainment [that] you incorporate enough knowledge and enough contact information to actually move in a direction of perhaps generating a game of competition for this individual that is so important to you.

She did not acknowledge what you accomplished, what you contributed; you could accomplish that and contribute that in your OWN avenue. (Pause) It is not necessary that you incorporate a building to begin with. (Long pause)

An idea you can entertain. You most definitely incorporate the resources and the ability. (Long pause)

TERRI: So did (inaudible) figure out she’s dead yet?

ELIAS: No. (Chuckles) (Pause)

TERRI: So you were saying that the process is in the moment and if you’re looking for a job not to create your resume or whatever. So you never do that?

ELIAS: No, that is not what I am expressing, but it was significant to generate a point that most individuals focus very strongly in a singular direction. They incorporate the idea of an intention, and subsequently move their attention in directions that are singularly only focused upon that outcome and not necessarily paying attention to all of the other actions that are interconnected by energy in what they are doing and not recognizing how many actions are not being paid attention to that can very much move you off that direct path and into the labyrinth, and distract you away from what the intention is. Also, most individuals become very focused upon those types of actions that are directly related to what their goal, so to speak, is; and in that, what they do is they continue to focus upon the outcome, which generates a very different energy.

TERRI: For people who create getting jobs by focusing on the outcome? (Pause)

ELIAS: Or so it appears. (Long pause)

That is an easy statement. It is also considerably general, and I would express that for the most part, most individuals are not necessarily focused upon the outcome of the job when they actually create it. There are many other factors. (33-second pause)

Express to myself, my friend.

TERRI: (Emotionally) I just don't know how to fix this. (Long pause)

ELIAS: You begin by reevaluating what is important.

TERRI: It just doesn't seem to matter. I just feel like I've tried it for so long and it's just not working. I just don't know. (40-second pause)

ELIAS: The challenge with thinking. You offer yourself evidence and it matters not, for the thinking overrides it. (Pause)

When you are not concerned with money, you do create it. You HAVE created it. But what do you focus on? Not having it. (20-second pause)

When you are not focused on the threat, you move quite well. (30-second pause)

You and I have discussed your natural flow several times previously, and I have acknowledged to you that you do generate extremes. I would express that you have tempered those extremes in [the] more recent time framework, but it is not unusual for you to create extremes. Perhaps presently, it is merely allowing yourself a time framework to experience this extreme – being angry, being frustrated and being uncomfortable – and when you are ready, you will stop. It is not necessarily bad to be generating these types of experiences; it is a manner of releasing energy, and perhaps that is what you require presently.

TERRI: Why does Calvin have those episodes that he has? He had two yesterday when we were walking.

ELIAS: And your impression?

TERRI: He doesn't want to go for the walks?

ELIAS: Not entirely. That is somewhat black and white.

TERRI: It was too long?

ELIAS: At times, not consistently. I would express that he is quite reflecting you, (pause) being dissatisfied and also expressing, “Pay attention to me.”

TERRI: I think it's a lot of that.

ELIAS: He definitely does reflect you well – not that you always listen to that. When he is expressing “Pay attention to me,” that is your signal: Pay attention to you, (pause) that YOU are important.

TERRI: He seems to be coming out of his shell more. Is he happier now?

ELIAS: More comfortable, yes. (Long pause) As I express, he's a very good reflector – for you.

TERRI: Right. (Pause)

I created a game with the lottery, playing it more like a poker hand and drawing cards to see if I could create more of a game out of it.

ELIAS: That is an excellent method, for that generates a very different perception. The cards only incorporate 52, rather than millions (laughs), therefore that creates a very different energy and a very different perception. (Pause) And the factor that you are incorporating it as a game is significant.

TERRI: Right. I'm not focusing on the winning part of it. (Long pause)

ELIAS: My suggestion for you this day is that you offer yourself one day to sleep.

TERRI: That’s got to be tomorrow; I’m putting a fence in for the dogs today to make their yard bigger.

ELIAS: Very well. One day to sleep; one day to express disappointment, sadness and hurt, and genuinely allow yourself to express it – cry, wallow if you will; one day, subsequent to the other two days, one day to express considerable irritation – not anger, but considerable and vehement anger in a manner of capacity of irritation. Are you understanding?

TERRI: I think so.

ELIAS: Most individuals do not consider irritation to be the same as anger. Therefore if you are allowing yourself to express in what you think of as angry but not in a helpless expression, that is irritation.

[The timer for the session rings]

Therefore you can generate equal intensity as anger.

One day to express in that manner, and subsequent to those three days of allowing yourself to feel and to release and to cocoon, in a manner of speaking, subsequent to those three days allow yourself to begin to reevaluate. And the reevaluation includes no other individuals but you and what is important to you – what is important to you.

TERRI: Okay. Okay, I'll do that, and our time is up for today.

ELIAS: Very well. The first two days are interchangeable. (Terri chuckles) Therefore, you can allow yourself the hurt and the sadness today if you are so choosing, and tomorrow the sleeping. And do not stop yourself from this, from weeping. Allow yourself to do it. Agreed?

TERRI: Agreed.

ELIAS: Very well. Allow yourself to cry until there is no water to cry.

TERRI: Okay.

ELIAS: And I will be with you.

TERRI: (Emotionally) Thank you.

ELIAS: Until our next meeting, my friend, in tremendous lovingness to you and in great value of you, for you are deserving of it, au revoir.

TERRI: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 1 hour)

Copyright 2013 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.