Expression without Expectation
Topics:
20060607 (2011)
“Expression without Expectation”
“Fluctuation When Creating Relationships”
“Validating Impressions”
“Recurring Dreams”
Wednesday, June 7, 2006 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Alicia (Tisara)
ELIAS: Good morning!
ALICIA: Hello, Elias! You know, you’re like my little Santa Claus. (Elias laughs) Every time I get a chance to talk to you, it’s “Let’s see what kind of presents you’re going to give me today.” (Both laugh)
I want to start out and I’m going to give you some of my impressions that I’ve had since the group session that we had in Vermont, and then get your validation.
Oops! I forgot something first. Let me jump back here. Opan asked me to ask this question of you and get a yes or a no. So I’m just going to read it how he typed it out for me. He has some questions for some of his friends. “Parabol, Persephone and Azron have decided to officially insert the event of Parabol’s discovery into their officially accepted reality very soon, which is what Azron’s dream of Parabol finding the two together was in relation to. Also, Parabol’s talk of moving to the mountains is imagery to Persephone in relation to the choice of direction, stating that her and Parabol’s directions are diverging and their desires and preferences are no longer in alignment. This adds contrast to her direction with Azron. And lastly, Parabol has taken his meeting with the previously mentioned woman to expressions of greater involvement that is more than friendly, in which they have loosely engaged a more physical interest. It’s that further involvement that will help ease the divergence for all involved. Would you validate these impressions, please?”
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: All right. I’ll let him know.
All right. Back to me. Well, actually even before the October group session, I want to go back to our last individual session over the phone. Right after my last session with you I kept experiencing the weirdest sensation, and it lasted for about one-and-a-half days. And within this incredible high state that I was feeling, there was an experience of joy, but then it felt like I would almost lose consciousness for a split second and then come back, but I wouldn’t remember where I had just placed an object or how I had just got from Point A to Point B when I’d be driving in my car. And they would be really simple things, like I would turn left just because I missed a turn and wanted to go right back out, but somehow I was on a wrong street. So it began to make me feel a little frightened. It went away after about a day and a half. And I want to ask you what that was about, but first I’m going to give you my impression.
ELIAS: Very well.
ALICIA: Because you like to ask me and everybody else what your impressions are. So this is what I thought about: Within your lending me energy in the exchange, and even though I ended the conversation with sending you a big appreciation, afterwards I felt so appreciative of myself in terms of who I actually was and what I was accomplishing, that I was experiencing this expanded energy. And since I have spent so many years with my energy more, I think, contracted or retracted, I was not used to this feeling, and so I kept letting loose of it. And as I would, it would offer me this sort of blinking-in-and-out feeling.
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: All right. And I also want to say that what I’ve experienced lately is, whether I have an actual session with you or whether I read the transcripts, I pop this image into my head where I feel like I’m this baby exploring its hand in fascination. And it’s really awesome. And then I feel this incredible bliss and relaxation afterwards. So I think that’s pretty cool, but it made me really kind of understand what babies go through when they’re three months old or a little older and all of a sudden you see them looking at their hand. (Elias laughs) It’s a small, fascinating thing.
ELIAS: A wondrous world of discovery.
ALICIA: Yeah. And it really… I noticed that when I discover myself, it does have this… like it’s almost like I’ve been massaged. And I’m thinking that that’s in contrast, because for so many years I’ve been paying attention to other people and caring about other people and looking at other people. And what I’m really here to do, like you have said before with so many people, is to explore yourself.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Which is what I’m doing. I’m finally doing it, so I’m kind of in alignment. And so that’s kind of that rightness…
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: … is what’s the relaxation. It’s that kind of connection between, okay now I’m doing things that I’m not off track.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Okay. And the other thing I’ve noticed is, you know a while ago you said that my intent was exploring intensity in conjunction with balance. And I’m noticing – and I don’t know if this is related, but I think it is –many occurrences where I stop and say, “Oh! This is a matter of trying to find my balance.” And I’ll give you a few examples.
I’ve been connecting with a lot of Elias people, either on the phone or with the computer, and the minute that I make time for myself to engage in these conversations, all of a sudden my kids interfere and want to get my attention. And I feel like, “Oh, do I put attention here, or do I put attention there?” And so it’s sort of like these intense balancing acts between how much I give to myself and how much I give to my kids.
And I’d say the other thing is, every time I prepare to talk with you I find this balancing act that I try to do, where now do I talk about my professional life as a supportive person with these kids that I work with, or do I talk about myself as a personal individual, my personal life? And I go back and forth trying to decide that. And that feels very similar to me.
And another situation I had, especially right after the group session, was finding myself in between these two people who were very unhappy with each other and they kept pulling me in. And I would find myself on the one hand being influenced by the first person, and then later, when I would talk to the second person, feeling influenced by them, until finally what happened was I’d just say, “Oh, dammit, I’m just going to allow myself to form my own impressions.” And then I thought that this was very purposeful in me exploring my core truths and finding my balance.
So would you say that that’s… Would you validate that?
ELIAS: Yes. (Chuckles)
ALICIA: What happens, too, is when I do this, it’s really interesting when you have an idea of what your intent is and then you find it in your everyday actions. For me at least, it changes my energy where instead of finding myself in a panic I find myself much more accepting of it, and then I turn it into sort of participating in a game.
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Because I think, “Okay, well this is what I’m supposed to be doing.” It’s sort of like going around an Uncle Wiggly board game (Elias chuckles), you know, and I’m just there and it’s not a big deal. And it does help a lot.
ELIAS: And you generate that allowance with yourself.
ALICIA: Yes, that’s true. And that’s part of the thing that keeps me from panicking, which of course is part of the doubt. And if you have doubt, you’re not allowing and trusting and everything.
And the other thing I noticed is, I think it had a huge impact on me when you validated that I was experiencing this disengaged woman’s energy as she was moving through the layers last time, and I’m much more curious now about my impressions and paying attention to my impressions and using them and trusting them. And it’s very different.
ELIAS: I am greatly acknowledging of you.
ALICIA: Oh, thank you so much. (Elias laughs) Because I grew up with this lawyer father, and I really overuse my intellect. And also because I talked with you last time about understanding how I was using my intellect as an avenue of communication instead of a translator, ever since then, it’s like “Okay, now I really have to listen to my impressions and my intuitions.”
And I have a real hungry feeling about this. But what I’m noticing is that I find myself running back and forth between accepting and attaching myself to official information and then unofficial information. So that I go this yes-no, yes-no, and I’m doing a flip-flop, which I think must be again a way of me trying to sort of center myself.
ELIAS: And discover the balance.
ALICIA: And to discover the balance, right. And then the other day, I also thought that maybe my need to do cardio exercise, which I really feel sometimes a real craving about, is because it causes me to relax my energy, which creates an openness to being more able to use my impressions.
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: I want to run by some impressions that I have and see how I’m doing with using my impressions.
ELIAS: Very well.
ALICIA: But before that, I have this question I want to ask you. It’s kind of a weird question. I doubt it, but it was weird. My son came up to me, Teddy (Giliene), and said that he and Connie had been walking to school one day, and they passed an alleyway and they sort of were very surprised, because there was this blue car that was kind of in an alleyway/driveway, and it seemed to start up by itself. So when they said blue car, I thought, “Hm. I’m going to check and see was that you.”
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Ah! So here’s the thing. Was it because you just do this like randomly, or was it because they’re connected to me?
ELIAS: The latter. I do not generate random actions.
ALICIA: Okay. So that was like a communication to me. Thank you!
ELIAS: And also a display of the energy for their benefit, to validate the reality of what you are interacting with.
ALICIA: Oh, because…well, especially Teddy likes to tease me about talking with you. (Elias chuckles) He doesn’t quite believe it yet. Okay.
Okay. All right. Here are some of my impressions. One of things that I’m realizing is how lacking I have been in directing myself and that I’ve allowed other people to direct me. And I go back to thinking about a conversation we had early on when you were talking about all my sort of twisting and contorting to please other people, but actually by doing that I’m creating things that I actually don’t want.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: So after the group session, I really saw this. And so I’m wondering now if the fact that I keep picking up observing essences of me but not the directing essences, in terms of people who have some claim to fame, I’m wondering if that’s because of my current issues of directing myself?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: And that when I begin to direct myself more, I’ll be able to get my impressions of directing essences?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: The other impression is, I was talking to a psychic the other day, and she said she saw my hands glowing. And at first I thought “Huh!” But then I remembered that I’d had this dream, the first time I talked with you I think, that was really powerful where fire was shooting out of my fingertips and I had to run into this bathroom and try to put them out with a glass of water or whatever. So I’m thinking that these are messages that I’m drawing for myself to communicate that I have a lot more power than what I allow myself to think I do have.
ELIAS: Yes. You are quite correct.
ALICIA: And the other impression, I was thinking—someone was asking me what my power animal was, and I was thinking a monkey.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Ooh! Okay. And I was thinking about, you said that I had fragmented from Actel, Laslo and Twylah, and so the impression I got yesterday actually was that Actel is associated more with my focuses that are attached to other dimensions?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And that he’s a younger essence? Than Laslo?
ELIAS: In your terms.
ALICIA: Okay. And that Laslo is where I get the energy that expresses itself in strength?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Yes? Because that’s actually, you know we were talking about kind and caring as an expression of my energy, and I wanted to add to that. Today I’m going to add to it “strength.”
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: And also, Laslo’s energy is what influences me when I – I’m probably not going to say this right, but – I’m kind of slow to warm up to people I don’t know. And I don’t feel comfortable right away, and then I sort of like, I think as a protective device, find myself judging them. And then that goes away when I’m comfortable with them. And I was thinking, because I feel like Laslo has more of the rigidity in energy, that that comes from him?
ELIAS: In a manner of speaking.
ALICIA: I know. (Laughs) In a manner of speaking. Okay. And I don’t know if anybody has been doing this lately, but again because of my desire for impressions, to work with my impressions, I wanted to try to play the game.
ELIAS: Very well.
ALICIA: I wasn’t there in the beginning. Under… I don’t know if it would be a musician? Do we have a category called musician? I want to say Itzhak Perlman and Tumold?
ELIAS: Acceptable.
ALICIA: Okay. The writer, Margaret Atwood, Borledim?
ELIAS: In what category?
ALICIA: Oh, I’m sorry. In writers. Authors.
ELIAS: One point.
ALICIA: Oh! Now here’s something that’s interesting about this. I didn’t really allow myself to think. It just came up to my head, and that’s I guess the cue that I’m working with impressions.
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Okay. The movie “Citizen Kane” I thought was Borledim? I guess we would say what, movies? As the category movies.
ELIAS: Acceptable.
ALICIA: Okay. The movie director Stephen Spielberg I’d say is Tumold?
ELIAS: Less probable.
ALICIA: Okay. Entertainer John Belushi, Zuli?
ELIAS: One point.
ALICIA: The TV show “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Sumafi?
ELIAS: One point.
ALICIA: The fairy tale “The Selfish Giant,” I have to say it’s either Sumafi or Tumold. You want me to choose, don’t you?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) The point is to be listening to your impression.
ALICIA: Okay. Then I guess I would say Sumafi.
ELIAS: Acceptable.
ALICIA: The children’s game “Uncle Wiggly,” Sumafi?
ELIAS: One point.
ALICIA: And “Trouble,” the children’s game, Sumari?
ELIAS: Acceptable.
ALICIA: Okay. All right. So how did I do?
ELIAS: In terms of?
ALICIA: Improving my use of impressions.
ELIAS: You are accomplishing quite well.
ALICIA: Okay. Very good. Thank you. (Elias chuckles) All right. Here’s some more impressions. My daughter, Connie (Rachel), I want to say is Tumold aligned and Borledim belonging?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: My son, Peter (Kuda), is Ilda aligned, Sumari belonging?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Teddy (Giliene) is Zuli aligned, Sumafi belonging?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And my son, Daniel (Arrness), is Milumet aligned, Tumold belonging?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Wow! I know my kids! (Elias laughs) Oh my lord, I am patting myself on the back. Okay. My friend, Don, I was thinking is Tumold aligned and Sumafi belonging, like me?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And I felt like I share an Aztec focus with him?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And another focus I share with him at the Alterversity?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And that he has some kind of connection with my focus of Thelma Todd, and I kind of picked him up as being like a bit actor?
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Oh. All right. I have a focus as a teacher in the 1800s, South Dakota, teaching Indian children on a reservation, while Don is someone who is helping them somehow in farm work?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: That’s correct?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Oh, I’m sorry. I have some static on my phone. Can you tell me what his essence name is?
ELIAS: What individual are you inquiring as to essence name?
ALICIA: Oh. My friend Don.
ELIAS: Very well. Essence name: DOURA (DO-er-ah), D-O-U-R-A.
ALICIA: Z as in zebra?
ELIAS: D.
ALICIA: D as in Don?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Oh. Okay. How many focuses have I shared with him?
ELIAS: 47.
ALICIA: And I also got this impression that… At first I felt like we were twin essences, but I was talking to Opan, and his impression was that we’re not from the same essence but we’ve had essences that have mingled?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: The other impression I have is that my brother Eric is the focus of King Phillip II?
ELIAS: Observing.
ALICIA: Okay. I also have had these repeating dreams, although I haven’t had them in a while. It is making me think that I share a focus with my sister where I am somehow a grossly developmentally deformed child and she is my mother? And that in those focuses she is greatly shamed by this birth, and she keeps me somewhat isolated from people in order to deny my existence, and that might explain some bleed-through action that I have with her. She feels terribly responsible for me, and I feel terribly unattractive in comparison to her.
ELIAS: Yes. You are correct.
ALICIA: What is the purpose when a dream like that keeps repeating? I assume it’s to call my attention to the fact, to understand that this is a focus, right? But aside from that? Because once I did sort of feel that, I stopped dreaming it.
ELIAS: Correct. Generally speaking, this is what occurs. Individuals experience recurring dream imagery for different reasons. It may be that they are presenting to themselves dream imagery concerning another focus that has been somewhat remembered, and in that memory it may be somewhat disturbing, or it may be somewhat frightening to the individual. Therefore, it is purposeful to be examining this type of imagery and acknowledging of it, for in doing so, generally speaking, the imagery discontinues and you discontinue incorporating those types of dreams.
In this, they ARE generally associated with some experience that the individual generates in this focus, or with some issue that is being experienced within this focus. And in that, you draw that energy to you, to emphasize that particular association or issue that you may be generating in this focus. That obtains your attention, and it motivates you to investigate and to understand what is occurring.
In this, once you recognize and generate the association of separation between yourself and another focus, and you understand the differences—and also some of the similarities—of your experience or your energies, it allows you to discontinue that intensity or that strength of the association. And generally it can alleviate some of your experiences, in the intensity of them, in this focus also—such as you and your sibling. In recognizing that you have been drawing energy from another focus, and understanding what the experience of that focus is, and knowing that it is not this focus, that allows you to alter your perception somewhat and generate less of an intensity in your experiences now.
ALICIA: You know, that makes so much sense. Because ever since… I mean, I’m saying to myself, “You know, THAT’S why I feel unattractive towards [her]; it’s not that I actually am.”
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And it shifts. So, okay.
ELIAS: Which, for that alters YOUR perception, and in altering your perception, you behave differently.
ALICIA: Absolutely. Right.
ELIAS: And you express energy differently, and that influences other individuals around you to be responding differently.
ALICIA: Okay. That’s pretty cool. (Elias chuckles)
Now I have some questions. I’ve been doing some work with my core truths, and I actually put them down on paper. And I have come up with my core truths that are influencing me are: respect, responsibility, image, martyrdom or suffering, and cause and effect. And I feel like a lot of what I’m going through right now, in my struggles, has to do with my core truth of respect.
First of all, would you say that those are my major core truths that I listed to you?
ELIAS: I would express that respect, yes, and the others are influences.
ALICIA: Oh! Interesting. Okay, so they’re not my core truths. So you know what? Let’s just… I got one core truth that’s left among them, and that’s what I feel is most influencing of me, is respect. And I think back in the group session I had said to you that I thought a core truth that I was struggling with was that I don’t create my own reality, and you said that was an influence. And after I said this, it made me think that actually feeling like I don’t create my own reality is… part of it is the influence of this core truth of respect.
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Yes. Okay. Because I’m always placing value on somebody else, which means I’m directing my attention to be respectful on other people, so I haven’t seen my own creations.
And since I’ve done this, I think it’s helped a lot, because it’s actually making me see that I AM creating things. And one thing that’s kind of interesting is that I sort of feel like I’m creating….Two major areas popped up again in my life, and at first I went, “Oh! Damn! I messed up.” But now what I’m thinking is, it’s kind of weird. These two situations are so similar to where I was last summer, those being my financial situation and my friend Don. But instead of saying, “What an idiot!” that I’m redoing this, I’m thinking that this is my own creation purposefully, because rather than acting from ignorance I’m giving myself a second chance to observe with more awareness, because within that repetition my intent is to explore different choices.
ELIAS: Correct. And you have offered yourself more information, and that allows you more of an openness to different choices.
ELIAS: You also have offered yourself information concerning your core truth, and in that, it allows you to open to more choices also.
ALICIA: Right. And I’m not sure… What I’m finding myself doing is actually doing automatic responses still, but being aware that that’s what I’m doing.
ELIAS: Correct. And…
ALICIA: And I still DO them!
ELIAS: Automatic responses are not necessarily bad. They are also a choice. And SOME of your automatic responses are actually in correlation with your preferences, and therefore you DO continue to express them. But you are aware that it is an automatic response, and you are also aware that you can choose differently but you may actually WANT to express some automatic responses.
ALICIA: Perhaps. But I don’t think in the situation with Don, and I’ll tell you sort of what I’m noticing. After I decided, “Okay, this is not a relationship. Stop pushing and forcing and everything.” I’ve talked to you about this many times, I think. I fell back into communicating by email, and I found myself being drawn to him again.
And then the thing is that I had an automatic response of being real concerned about how I was expressing myself and thinking, “Now, if I say this, how will he be affected?” And then I stopped myself and I said, “Oh! There’s an automatic response, which is being concerned about what other people are thinking and going to be reacting, and you’re making choices based on that. And you don’t want to do that, Alicia.” So I stopped myself, but that’s not to say that I’m not going to do it again.
So that’s one thing that I noticed, that I have this automatic response of being overly concerned about how I’m going to be accepted within my expressions. Now I DON’T want that, because I really do see that what I do want is a relationship where I can freely express myself. And that’s really, when I think about it, the only thing I want, because everything else that I want is tied up with that: a lack of expectations, having fun, appreciating, accepting, etc. So that’s an automatic response that I don’t want to choose.
ELIAS: I am understanding. But in that, are you not also offering yourself information concerning other choices? For in noticing that you ARE generating that automatic response, and stopping yourself, now move into the next step: evaluating within yourself what you are generating, what association you are generating in the anticipation of how the other individual shall receive your energy. What are you expressing that creates that threat, that generates that automatic response? What are you discounting within yourself? This is the window into your expression of freedom, in which you acknowledge yourself rather than doubt.
ALICIA: If I can.
ELIAS: You can! (Alicia laughs) For you are already noticing the automatic response. That is significant. In recognizing the automatic response, now you are aware of it. And you can evaluate in relation to it what is motivating that. What is triggering that automatic response? What are you denying within yourself, or what are you expressing in threat to yourself that creates that automatic response of doubt or concern?
ALICIA: Well, what I have noticed is that in doing this, the doubt is that everything has to be okay with him, as he’s calling the shots. And my feeling is that that comes from not choosing to appreciate myself.
ELIAS: And not valuing yourself.
ALICIA: And valuing myself. Right. I’m criticizing myself.
ELIAS: Correct. For if you are acknowledging yourself and valuing yourself, it is no longer necessary to gain the approval of another individual.
ALICIA: So how do I…? Because that’s what I want to do. In the moment when I am, let’s say, typing out an email, and all of a sudden I type out a sentence or two or whatever and I then feel like, “Oh! He’s going to think this is so weird,” where I’m discounting myself and I’m not valuing myself and I’m being so critical of myself. All right; I notice that, but then I don’t know where to take it from there.
ELIAS: Stop and allow yourself to evaluate what is motivating that criticism. And in that, counterbalance that with an acknowledgement of yourself.
ALICIA: Well, when you say what’s motivating it, I would say…
ELIAS: First of all, allow yourself to evaluate what motivated you to generate the expression that you are questioning.
ALICIA: Ah! Okay. That’s probably a good place to start.
ELIAS: Subsequently, evaluate what is motivating you to doubt your expression, or what you have expressed to the other individual.
ALICIA: Okay.
ELIAS: View the words that you chose. For many times you may discover in that what is creating that doubt within you, for you may be viewing the words that you have chosen, and in those words you may be generating an association that you are not expressing yourself accurately, or well enough, or you could express in a better manner. These are significant, for these are all devaluations and discountings of yourself.
But if you can actually view the words that you have chosen and question yourself in what you view to be wrong with your choice, [then] perhaps you may actually recognize that the expression is not necessarily wrong and that it may be precisely what you want to express.
But if not, allow yourself to incorporate a moment and re-evaluate. And allow yourself in the moment to acknowledge yourself, rather than what you have expressed to myself in the response of “Uh! I am doing it again!” Rather than expressing that exasperation with yourself, acknowledge yourself that you are noticing and that you are stopping and incorporating a moment to re-evaluate, to express yourself in the manner that YOU want.
ALICIA: Yeah, well the thing is that what happens is, what I want—you’re asking me what motivates me to choose the words, or… It’s more like a string of words, and what motivates me is that I feel very close to this person. But then what I do is I devalue my impression that there is a closeness. And I think I’m going to overwhelm him, because I feel very close but there is no reason to feel so close, because this is a professional relationship and he’s not like my best friend, but I feel very friendly. I mean, I feel very…
ELIAS: I am understanding.
ALICIA: …attached to him, and so then I think, “Uh! That’s crazy.”
ELIAS: No, it is not. For you may experience a strong familiarity with other individuals, which may generate an expression of appreciation or affection or attraction, and those are all quite valid. And that is not necessarily to say that you may choose to be generating a romantic relationship with the individual.
ALICIA: Except that does enter into it, in terms of my feelings. And then I begin to sort of doubt that I have a right (laughs) to express that.
ELIAS: I am understanding. For what motivates that? What motivates your questioning of whether you incorporate the right, or whether it is the right action or the right expression, is that in order to allow yourself permission to express yourself, there is a condition. And the condition is that the other individual expresses in like kind.
ALICIA: Exactly.
ELIAS: And if the other individual is not expressing in like kind, you automatically discount and devalue your own expression.
ALICIA: Right.
ELIAS: Whether the other individual expresses in like kind or not does not deny you your own expression, and does not devalue your recognition of connection to another individual, whether they recognize it or not.
ALICIA: You’re absolutely right. I think that there’s a feeling that—and this goes back to maybe the respect issue as a core truth, one of my influences is that to be respectful of others in a romantic relationship, I can’t make the first move. And even if I make the first move, I have to know ahead of time that they match that feeling of mine, otherwise I’m being disrespectful and intrusive.
ELIAS: For you are not actually generating the first move, in your terms, for in expressing that necessity that you already incorporate information that it is acceptable for you to generate that move, you will not incorporate the action. Therefore, from the beginning you are waiting.
ALICIA: Well, and I’m also doubting, right from the get-go.
ELIAS: Yes, for you are allowing the other individual to dictate your choices. Your choices become dependent upon the other individual’s choices.
ALICIA: And that’s a really hard one for me to get past, because I started thinking, if I express myself and I’ve done this before—last year I did this, where I expressed that I was attracted to this person and this person rejected me, and I felt hurt, and so I’m thinking to myself I don’t want to do that again. Although I know, from what you’re saying, that I create that hurt. It doesn’t matter if that person shares my feelings, I could still express it. But for some reason it DOES matter to me.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
ALICIA: And I feel like I can’t have a relationship that I want unless we’re mutually on the same page.
ELIAS: I am understanding. What you are providing to yourself in this situation may or may not develop into that type of relationship, but the point of what you are presenting to yourself with this individual is the opportunity to genuinely become aware and familiar with you, and to genuinely move over this hurdle of concerning yourself with the other individual and denying your expressions.
You are presenting this situation to yourself to allow yourself to actually genuinely understand that this actually is a matter of expectations and conditions, and that your expressions are not subject to those expectations and conditions. And in that, you are moving in the direction of your door of freedom, recognizing that you actually can express yourself regardless of what the other individual expresses or chooses.
And in that, once you genuinely recognize that and allow yourself that freedom, you may or may not choose to involve yourself with this particular individual. You may choose to draw ANOTHER individual to yourself. For in each moment you are precisely drawing to yourself individuals that shall reflect what you are projecting.
Therefore, in time frameworks in which you are addressing to certain points within yourself and offering yourself information and widening your awareness and moving closer to your own expression of freedom, you may draw individuals to yourself in which you may express feelings that are quite strong. BUT—you may also be generating a type of scenario which continues to be quite challenging.
And this is the point. The reason that the feelings may be quite strong is that that motivates you to continue in the direction that you are engaging. And that continues to inspire you, in a manner of speaking, to offer yourself more information and to continue your movement.
In that, each step offers you an accomplishment. And in that process, you may actually move to a point where the reflection of the other individual is not accurate any longer, and therefore the challenge dissipates, and the motivation dissipates, and the interest dissipates, for you move into a different expression and you begin to project a different type of energy. And…
ALICIA: And that may create another person being drawn to you.
ELIAS: Correct. Or the individual that you are engaging shall alter their energy and shall reflect differently. But that is dependent upon the reason that the other individual draws themself to this situation also.
ALICIA: Yeah, it’s because of my energy that I project.
ELIAS: Correct. And is associated with his energy that he is projecting that you are reflecting.
ALICIA: And that’s why we really do create our relationships.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: Well, you know, my… I don’t know if you’re going to be able to validate this or choose to, but one thing that I notice is that I get an impression that there is an interest in him for me, but there’s also some hesitation. And then as I trust that impression, it gets fouled up with doubting it, because I know that I have experienced myself as projecting things onto people that end up not really being there. In other words, I may see something that isn’t there objectively, in my translation of it.
ELIAS: Or, I may express to you, your impression may not necessarily be incorrect, but at times it may be a momentary expression.
ALICIA: Oh, this person may momentarily – I may pick up the momentary…
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: Right. And then it… Okay. And then when it leaves, that’s what makes me doubt it.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: But actually both are correct.
ELIAS: Yes. For there is a fluctuation. You are looking for a constant, and this…
ALICIA: Is that true for most relationships, or is it just unique in this one?
ELIAS: This would hold in many, many, many relationships.
ALICIA: And does a lot of the fluctuation have to do with MY energy projection?
ELIAS: Yes.
ALICIA: That’s what I was thinking. And that’s again why I really do have more power to create than I think.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: I keep thinking that’s it’s always up to the other person.
ELIAS: No.
ALICIA: That’s not right.
ELIAS: And you are correct: you actually are creating.
ALICIA: All right. And if I can just trust my choices—that’s the other thing, is that I think I’m going to mess up. And I have to remember that phrase that you always say, which is: “You will not betray yourself.”
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: So even if you feel like you’re messing up, it’s not really messing up—it’s purposeful.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: And an intentional thing, for you to get information.
ELIAS: Correct.
ALICIA: But then if things are going to … Then it’s just like, okay, I want to believe that things are just going to turn out perfectly, and that’s something that’s… I have a hard time trusting it. (Elias chuckles)
Although I’m a little better, because I had these financial problems now, and you know what I did? I know we have to end here, but I have to say that I am so proud of myself, because what I did – and it wasn’t something that I had to force myself to do; it came naturally. As I feel like I am so dirt poor, I had this momentary—and I think it lasted an entire day, it made me feel like I wanted to cry—sense that I was so rich in the people around me, so wealthy in the people who have been created and who have agreed to participate in all of this with me, that it really… You know, when I was thinking about your saying, “You are expressing lack,” this was a case in point, where I initially felt lack but then I reconfigured it, and again without sort of forcing myself, this tremendous sense of rich appreciation and feeling wealthy for the PEOPLE in my life. I may not have the PAPER(Elias laughs), but I have the people that made me feel very wealthy.
ELIAS: And I am greatly acknowledging of you and expressing congratulations to you, for this is a significant step.
For in interrupting that concentration upon lack, you allow yourself to express a different energy. And regardless of what it is that you are appreciating that you incorporate abundance with, that allows you to express a different energy, which creates less thickness and allows you to move into what you want in relation to finances.
ALICIA: Right. That made perfect… I really feel like so much is becoming so clear to me, and that there are… And then there were times when it feels like sometimes people who talk with you are moving faster. And I know that that’s a comparison that I do and that’s a discounting, so I stop myself. And then I think—well, when I look at myself a year ago from where I am here, or even March of 2005, I really have been moving pretty quickly.
ELIAS: And I would be in agreement.
ALICIA: Okay. Well that’s good! (Elias laughs) Okay, well I’d better let Mary come back and you go, and I have to run along.
ELIAS: Very well. I express encouragement to you as always, and my energy in supportiveness. I shall be anticipating our next meeting.
ALICIA: Oh, great! Me too. I always love talking with you, Elias. I have a great deal of affection for you.
ELIAS: (Laughs) And I you also.
ALICIA: And appreciation. (Laughs)
ELIAS: And it is returned in abundance.
ALICIA: Oh, thank you so much. (Elias laughs) I hope I don’t get scattered now on my drive. (Both laugh) It goes away. Okay, all right. Thanks so much. I will be talking with you.
ELIAS: Very well, my friend. Until our next conversation, enjoy your adventure.
ALICIA: I am beginning to. Thank you.
ELIAS: To you in great friendship, au revoir.
ALICIA: Au revoir.
(Elias departs after 1 hour 3 minutes.)
Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.