Sunday, May 7, 2006 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Yinka (Adrianna)

(Elias’ arrival time is 15 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

YINKA: Hi Elias! How are you?

ELIAS: As always. And yourself?

YINKA: I’m fine, thank you. (Elias chuckles) Elias, can I just start first of all by asking you, if you don’t mind, about the dream I had the other night, in which I real dreamed you to be the way I wanted to be when I talked to you. Hello?

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: It’d be okay to have off like that. I don’t know. I know I don’t know what I’m talking about.

ELIAS: Explain.

YINKA: Sorry?

ELIAS: Explain.

YINKA: You know you were sitting down in front of me and I was arranging you. And I put this on blue on my chest, to make me relax.

ELIAS: Very well.

YINKA: And you said I should use some red and green to help me when I’m feeling fearful.

ELIAS: Very well.

YINKA: So I think I’m going to have you like that.

ELIAS: Very well.

YINKA: I’m going to have you like that.

ELIAS: Very well.

YINKA: Okay?

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: All right then. So you know today, I’ll start discussing mainly that I couldn’t imagine I couldn’t be having a private session today.

ELIAS: That is agreeable.

YINKA: All right. Perhaps this is because (sighs) you know I feel like there is something I am lacking as a human being right now. And I feel like I’m going to kill myself.

ELIAS: And what do you perceive that you are lacking?

YINKA: I feel I don’t know how to live here. Or, I don’t know, I feel like… yeah. I feel like there’s something wrong. There’s something missing in me that… I can’t find it.

ELIAS: And what generates that perception?

YINKA: I think I have some difficulty sometimes, I think.

ELIAS: What is it that you view in yourself that is not adequate or not competent?

YINKA: That’s a good… That’s the problem. I have to believe in self. I have to… these things. I don’t know what to do about things and (sobbing) basically… And you know, any time, I always have to, because of my interference I think, I always have to try and reach my soul and find what is this and then my political, like I show my power. And I’m down sometimes, really miserable. And I just feel like I couldn’t undo what’s done to me any more. You know, because I’m common, like I said, I deal with that imagery. Last week, I was laughing because I looked back and everything opened out. Because I’m trying to understand, look at that. Like some things now. It is just the old thing. I feel like maybe there is something about me that no one likes. No one likes. I like to be heard…

ELIAS: What creates the sadness and the depression? What do you view specifically in yourself that is not adequate? What suggests that to you?

YINKA: My person.

ELIAS: Your presence?

YINKA: My person. It is me.

ELIAS: But what is your evidence?

YINKA: I feel I can’t talk or be like everybody else. Like I couldn’t do things that basically everyone does.

ELIAS: Which is what?

YINKA: I don’t know what to say. One of the people, I don’t know how to deal with this. And you know I walk away after telling people, and I often go and I just feel like this. (Emotionally) I just feel like I can’t. I couldn’t do it.

ELIAS: Offer an example to myself, a scenario in which this occurs, in which you feel that you cannot interact or communicate with other individuals, or in which you feel you are different and you cannot express in the manner that other individuals do. Offer an example. And we shall examine it together.

YINKA: (Pause) I can’t. (Pause) Right?

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, when you overwhelm yourself and you begin to view yourself and your world in generalities, that perpetuates the overwhelm and it creates a situation in which you become stuck. And you cannot discover any choices, for you are not allowing yourself to specifically evaluate what is occurring.

You merely perceive in generalities: everything is wrong; everything is bad; all my interactions are wrong; I cannot perform or communicate or interact at all. These are generalities and they become very overwhelming.

For in those generalities you entirely deny and discount yourself, and begin viewing yourself as worthless or broken or entirely wrong in every and any situation. This offers you no power to generate any choices other than discounting and denying yourself.

This is the reason that I prompt you to attempt to offer even one example of a scenario in which you feel inadequate, or you feel that you cannot communicate or interact, or one scenario in which you feel that you are wrong or different or that there is some element of you that is wrong. For in that, even in one example, regardless of what it is, we can begin to evaluate what becomes triggered within you that moves you into this hopeless situation.

YINKA: I’m feeling unworthy. When I’m about to do anything, I feel like I can’t do it at all, at the beginning. Which is following my intent, really. You know, it is the first thing that comes major up at the beginning. That’s what gets to me. And then I have to face that struggle and start finding out, manipulating my power or how to manipulate things and then get it and then do it eventually. But you know it’s at the beginning of things where… (sighs) That is it, really.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

YINKA: I don’t want to feel this way any more. I’m tired of it.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

YINKA: And you know what happens to me when, for example, in this abstract scenario? When I’m just feeling like, “Oh, god! Do I have to begin or do I do this?” I have this kick that comes from my stomach. And I watch these very horrible, kind of sleazy events. And I go on for days. Until I am so tired. You know. And nothing will come from the power of my back or my front (inaudible). I don’t know.

ELIAS: I am understanding. Let us momentarily examine the situation from a different angle.

YINKA: All right.

ELIAS: Now; from this angle…

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: …view how automatic and easy and powerfully you create feeling in this manner.

YINKA: (Laughs) No, I certainly manage to focus sometimes. Yeah, I know.

ELIAS: Quite effortlessly. You generate this and quite automatically and in tremendous strength. Correct?

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: Therefore, if you can create this despair in such intensity, and so easily, and so automatically, you also incorporate the ability to generate the reverse in equal strength.

YINKA: Oh my. Yes.

ELIAS: What you are doing is thwarting yourself before you even engage any direction or action or interaction. For this has become so familiar to you that it is automatic.

You engage an action and before you even are actually involving yourself, you are already denying yourself and you are already, with no effort, expressing a tremendous power in denying yourself and expressing that you cannot.

YINKA: (softly) Yeah.

ELIAS: Which incorporates no prior thought, no effort. You merely create it.

YINKA: Is that what causes the kicking as well? That’s it, in my stomach, I’m saying.

ELIAS: Yes. And view how powerful that is.

YINKA: Yeah.

ELIAS: It is merely a matter of turning that power in a different direction. And I am understanding that I may express that to you and it may sound quite simple, in how I am expressing it.

But I am quite aware within your energy that you may intellectually agree, but you are also expressing within yourself and within your energy, “Ah yes, Elias, this is easy for you to speak, but not so easy for me to do.” And I am understanding.

This is the reason that I have expressed to you previously the importance and the significance of acknowledging yourself and appreciating yourself. For those expressions, as simplistic as they may appear, actually do interrupt this familiar energy of denying yourself. And they do allow you to interrupt that energy of being a victim.

YINKA: Well, I think I’ve done it through all my life, but I don’t know how to get out of it.

ELIAS: I am understanding, and this is the reason that it is so very important to incorporate some expression or method that can encourage you to interrupt that familiar pattern of discounting yourself.

And one of the most powerful methods to do that is to begin appreciating. Let us begin with some expressions of appreciation. Do you incorporate or in your terms own a vehicle?

YINKA: No.

ELIAS: Do you incorporate public transportation?

YINKA: Yeah, but more often I use the bike.

ELIAS: Ah! You incorporate a bike.

YINKA: Yeah.

ELIAS: And do you like your bicycle?

YINKA: I love my bike.

ELIAS: This is an element that you can appreciate. You can appreciate yourself. You can appreciate that you own this bicycle.

You can appreciate that it facilitates movement with you, in association with transportation, and that it allows you to travel in an easier and more effective manner than walking. Correct?

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: Very well. Now; within your dwelling, what do you surround yourself with?

YINKA: The things that make me comfortable.

ELIAS: Which are?

YINKA: I buy the food I like. I buy myself wine. I buy myself cream and… you know, all those creamy things that I like to see you have. Pizza and cheesies and stuff like that.

ELIAS: Yes. And your furniture?

YINKA: Well, I don’t really enjoy my furniture. I don’t like it and anyway, I don’t like sitting down.

ELIAS: But you incorporate furniture.

YINKA: I do. Yeah.

ELIAS: And in that, you incorporate furniture to generate comfort, correct?

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: In that, you can appreciate yourself that you have generated this dwelling and this furniture to create an atmosphere of comfort.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: You are…

YINKA: Would I be doing that all day, every day? Every minute?

ELIAS: You are incorporating this action every minute of every day…

YINKA: Yes!

ELIAS: …of appreciation.

YINKA: (Sigh) All right. (Elias laughs) Okay then.

ELIAS: (Coughing) Let me express to you, my friend, if you were appreciating every moment of every day, you would never be distressed or depressed or anxious or denying or discounting yourself.

YINKA: You know that exercise you gave me the last time is going to be helpful for me, the one where I imagine what I like in my hand.

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: And this time I created a baby.

ELIAS: Ah!

YINKA: So in a way I stopped the baby and all that. And doing it in the morning when I wake up, it helps me. Because I have a feeling like I would never betray me, kind of.

ELIAS: Yes. But in this, you are separating.

YINKA: God, I’m hopeless.

ELIAS: You are generating these actions. You are incorporating the exercises, but in a manner of separating.

You isolate certain moments in which you allow yourself to engage that expression or the exercise, but it is isolated in a manner that you do not allow that to filter into your actions that you incorporate within the day, that are generated with other individuals or with scenarios that are engaging life.

YINKA: Hmm.

ELIAS: You isolate moments…

YINKA: Yes

ELIAS: …in which you express some gentleness with yourself, or some appreciation of yourself, or some acknowledgement of yourself, but you are not incorporating that and engaging that in all of your actions and interactions.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: And that is the point.

When you begin to feel that denial of yourself, when you begin to feel your own hesitation, when you begin to feel yourself receding or discounting yourself, those are the moments in which it is important to stop momentarily and acknowledge yourself.

Those are the moments in which you stop, and you view your baby in your hand…

YINKA: Yeah

ELIAS: …and you acknowledge that gentleness with yourself, and interrupt that automatic expression of fear and discounting and devaluing of yourself.

YINKA: All right.

ELIAS: The exercises that I offer to you, or to any individual, are not meant to be expressed in an isolated manner. That does not generate the desired effect.

They are meant to be incorporated in conjunction with what you do automatically and in familiar manners. They are meant to interrupt those familiar patterns. It is a method to substitute and interrupt the discounting of self with an actual other action.

YINKA: Yes. All right. Oh. Yeah, I’ll get that. Anyway, can I ask you a second question?

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: You know, I found out what I was talking about, I think, to an extent. I’m kind of a loner (inaudible). Am I actually…? I know I’m common and I’m Milumet and I had a dream just today at noon. I’m watching myself in a dark, in a dark hut, and that becomes myself, just looking at myself, sitting alone. It was so powerful. I don’t know. I just thought that person was not just an automatic person. That must be me that was watching.

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: But I still feel alone sometimes.

ELIAS: I am understanding. For in this, that image is a powerful image acknowledging your natural flow of energy, and your preference to incorporate considerable time with yourself. But there is also a balance, that you can incorporate time and action with yourself, and generate your own explorations, independently of other individuals or of the interaction with other individuals, but also allow yourself to generate some relationships with other individuals that you view to be fulfilling, that allow you to share, but also in your terms, honors your preference.

YINKA: Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

ELIAS: It is not bad that you incorporate a preference to be incorporating significant time alone. It is not bad that you incorporate this preference of independence.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: It is not required of you, as an individual, to be continuously interactive with other individuals.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: That…

YINKA: Yeah. It’s only… Oh, god, I don’t know.

ELIAS: That is what you express to yourself as an expectation once again, for you compare yourself…

YINKA: Yes

ELIAS: …with other individuals. You view other individuals and how they express and what they do, and you compare yourself, and you automatically discount yourself and express to yourself the expectation that you SHOULD be expressing in like manner to other individuals. But that is not you. That is not your natural expression.

YINKA: But does that mean I can still have fulfilling relations with people?

ELIAS: Yes. But also honoring your natural flow of energy, your difference and your preferences.

YINKA: Yes. Okay. Thank you.

ELIAS: You are welcome.

YINKA: You know I had a dream in which I saw a man that was exercising a horse. And the horse was exercising on the cliff. Behind the cliff there was a vacuum. And each moment he goes from way (inaudible) and exercises. He rises up very fast and then he turns to the vacuum and tries. He did it. I was so amazed that the man was jumping through a vacuum. So, I zoomed close up to see what kind of horse, what he was doing, and looked and it was a very big horse, really wide, but with a horn on its head. It was a unicorn. I just wonder if they really exist.

ELIAS: Unicorns?

YINKA: Yeah.

ELIAS: They have. Yes.

YINKA: Why did I draw, dreaming, then? What did I draw to myself?

ELIAS: And what is your impression?

YINKA: Well, it doesn’t come easily. I think you have to live with it. Something I’ve dealt with, absolutes.

ELIAS: There are several elements of this imagery. One is the powerfulness of it. Another is the confidence, and lack of doubt in trusting that this powerful creature can be manipulated in whatever manner…

YINKA: All right

ELIAS: …and there shall be no harmfulness, and that there is a harmony in the interaction between the creature and the individual. There is also another factor of this imagery, which is an encouragement to be engaging imagination.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: And in that engagement of imagination, to allow a free flow of energy, to acknowledge and to incorporate fun.

YINKA: Hmm. Yes.

ELIAS: Which escapes you many times. (Chuckles)

YINKA: Well, you know, Elias, when you say that, I’m doing a job right now, which I don’t really want to be doing any more. I remember one day, just sometimes recently, I sat down at work, and I’m thinking I don’t even have time to daydream, which I love, because there’s always one problem or one thing, going on or the other, and so I don’t even have time to turn my attention, my total attention, on myself. You know, because there’s always one person annoying me totally, and like, you know. How do I get out of that kind of job?

ELIAS: Engage your imagination and include the other individual in it.

YINKA: Great! (Both laugh) Is it that simple?

ELIAS: Allow yourself to be playful and include other individuals in your playfulness…

YINKA: Oh, okay

ELIAS: …which may even generate more of a lightness between yourself and other individuals, rather than such seriousness and such intensity of pressure.

YINKA: Yeah. Oh, god! Help me. I don’t know. I know. I don’t want to say I don’t know, because I know that I know. Anyway.

ELIAS: I shall offer you a new exercise, also.

YINKA: All right.

ELIAS: In this, you shall incorporate a paper…

YINKA: Yeah

ELIAS: …and a pencil…

YINKA: Yes

ELIAS: …with you at all times.

YINKA: Sure.

ELIAS: And each time you express, in ANY manner that, you do not know or that you cannot do, you shall note it.

YINKA: (Laughs) Is it possible? What if I am walking on the road?

ELIAS: Yes. You shall incorporate your paper and your pencil with you at all times, and regardless of where you are or what you are doing, each time you express that you CANNOT in some situation, each time you invalidate yourself, you note it. That is all. It is not necessary for you to incorporate any other action. Merely note it. Perhaps you may incorporate more than one paper. (Laughs)

YINKA: Well, you know I might. I enjoying writing my ideas down, after me. I enjoy writing all the time. When I like someone, I write them down.

ELIAS: Very well. That may be an interesting exercise also. But I shall express to you, within the time period of one week, you shall be quite aware and noticing how often you devalue yourself. And in being aware of how often you do that, you shall automatically begin to stop.

For in many situations in which you automatically express, “I do not know,” or “I cannot do,” you actually can, and you actually do know, and this shall become more and more obvious. And in noting how often you express those two statements, you shall also begin to notice how often those statements are incorrect. And it may even become humorous to you. (Both laugh)

YINKA: Okay. Now, you know, I am going to ask another question. I think in dreams sometimes I find myself in two operas, two about men. I think I’m often in there, or something. I’m not sure. And in this dream, we often, the three of us together have some kind of exploration together. And the last one I had with the three of us, we each had a group of people with us. So I had my own set of people. And as I zoomed, I know what I was doing. We were teaching. What do I do? What’s this thing about?

ELIAS: And your impression?

YINKA: I’ve watched it so much that I know about it. It’s real. I’ve thought, these two other people, we do things together. I don’t know what they are.

ELIAS: This is another focus.

YINKA: Oh, this is focal?

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: So how am I going to get that some meaning? So how am I going to get this, because of me, now? In the capacity of teaching, for example.

ELIAS: There are many manners in which you can teach. The most effective manner is by example. And in this, what we have discussed, in allowing yourself to engage more in relation to imagination, and incorporating more fun, and including other individuals in your expression of imagination, is a method that can be considered teaching.

YINKA: You know, I’m not sure. I don’t know. Oh god, I’ve studied and I’ve done it again, whatever. I did have most of them anyway, so that’s good.

Some time, two weeks ago, I think, I went officially with an official group, and when I was there I just started speaking like you. (Elias laughs) And everybody was like, “Such wisdom!” And I kind of felt I was really helping a lot of people that night. And I came home, and I was thinking that I don’t know this person. You know, oh god, what have I done? This kind of doing the P.I. thing, personal invalidation thing again.

ELIAS: This is an example of how you automatically discount yourself. For you allowed yourself permission to express yourself in a free manner, but subsequently you discounted yourself.

YINKA: I think I said too much.

ELIAS: Not necessarily.

YINKA: Hang on. (Elias chuckles) I know I will get there, I’m sure. Eventually, I will get there.

ELIAS: (Laughs) And where is there? (Laughs)

YINKA: Eventually I will stop using all this, you know (Elias laughs) convincing myself I couldn’t. That’s what I mean. You know I have, I want to go to a new question.

Now, for four years, I have constantly had conflict in the relationship I engage. And in the other relationships I’ve had in the past, I wasn’t that… I noticed, I guess, a commonality in them, in that the person I’m engaging, often with me, it’s often denial of an involvement with me. For example, in getting together, meeting the relatives and all that. And I just wonder, why is this? Why do I have this?

ELIAS: I would express to you this is quite obvious. For YOU deny yourself. And therefore, you shield and you present that reflection to yourself.

YINKA: Yeah

ELIAS: You do not expose to yourself and you deny your own choices and your own value, and therefore you also reflect that, in the individuals that you draw to yourself. I…

YINKA: I forget about this.

ELIAS: I may express to you that as you begin to value yourself and practice with genuine appreciation and gentleness with yourself, not merely in isolated moments…

YINKA: Yes

ELIAS: …and as you begin to acknowledge your own abilities and your own knowing, you shall draw different individuals to yourself, individuals that reflect that appreciation and that acknowledgement.

YINKA: Is this why, in this regard then, is this why for example, about women I often introduce to relationships I have, which eventually then leads to a break-up.

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: Oh, great.

ELIAS: For you do not value yourself. Therefore, if you are devaluing yourself and discounting yourself, and you are viewing yourself as unworthy, you project that energy. And you draw those types of scenarios to yourself to reinforce and validate your perception, that you are unworthy and that you are not valued and that you are inadequate.

YINKA: Yes. So it means that even the last relationship I had, in which (inaudible) my relationship right from the start. And then you know when eventually I got tired of it all, I broke it up. But you know, I broke it up, knowing if I do that I knew I was breaking them up as well. So what I’m saying, in this case, because I knew I had the power to do that. Why did this time (inaudible) that? Where did the two of them stand then? Didn’t they have any…? How did I create their reality in that way?

ELIAS: You did not.

YINKA: Well, I knew they were going to break up because I was the one that was holding this together.

ELIAS: I am understanding. But you drew this to yourself for your reasons and each other participating individual drew themselves into that scenario for their particular reasons also.

YINKA: Hmm.

ELIAS: You quite precisely interact with specific individuals in any given scenario, for whatever individual you draw to you as a reflection also is participating in some manner in which you are being some type of reflection to them also.

YINKA: Yes, I knew that. I more or less… You know, I poke things. I poke at things. Because I knew was going to get that result.

ELIAS: And you did.

YINKA: And I did. Now, what I… So maybe I’ll just ask this question with that. You know, I’m Milumet in my alignment, I’m Milumet and I’m also Sumafi. That trying to poke at things a bit is Sumari-like. Isn’t it?

ELIAS: Somewhat, but not necessarily.

YINKA: Oh, no, okay.

ELIAS: For the Sumafi also would incorporate somewhat of an influence of that. For there is a strong quality of rigidness with the Sumafi, which…

YINKA: With me, I cannot allow things to go on for so long in the same way. I want to change it.

ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding. But that can also be associated with both these families.

YINKA: Hmm. You know, I would like to create a relationship with somebody who is committed and faithful to me, without judging me. How do I do this?

ELIAS: First, you must begin valuing yourself.

YINKA: Exactly.

ELIAS: For you draw to yourself what you project. And if you want to be creating a committed and loving relationship with another individual, it is important that you value yourself, that you express an unwillingness to compromise. For it is not necessary. And for compromising creates an opposing energy. And expressing an unwillingness to acquiesce, for acquiescing is an opposing energy also.

And in that, valuing yourself and expressing the lack of doubt in your abilities and your choices and a genuine acknowledgement of your guidelines and of your preferences, recognizing that they are not bad, that they are your guidelines and that is what generates comfort.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: And it also generates the expression of your sense of direction and self. Therefore, your truths, your guidelines are significant and important, and to be acknowledged.

In generating an awareness of your own guidelines and a confidence in your direction and valuing yourself, you draw to you individuals that shall reflect that, in valuing you also and valuing themselves, not an individual that is also discounting of themself or is generating choices that they incorporate discounting of themselves or regret, but an individual that values themself and their choices, and expresses a confidence in which you allow yourselves to share together, not to dictate to one another and not to compromise with each other.

YINKA: You know, I still blame my ex for what happened and I’ve been demonstrating lots of discomfort in myself because of that. In fact, this last past week it was so much that it was a lot to fix the jobs, wandering around and I’m just blaming for anything. And I see myself as a victim. I’m not able to my reality that I want. I know that I can create my reality and all that, and I’m not a victim, and I really, I really do. I just kept blaming him still.

ELIAS: I am understanding. I am understanding. The reason that you blame is that you experience a lack of control. And you automatically move into the association that you are not actually creating all of your reality, that other individuals create some of your reality, and that they can effectively do some expression TO you, without your permission or without you wanting that. The reason that occurs is that you and other individuals are not aware of what you yourself is actually doing.

YINKA: Well, Elias, let me just tell you. Let me just tell you. You see from what you just said now, the last time I spoke to you, you said that I should allow myself to have my preference. Now in my work, I prefer to work with him alone. I don’t want to work with his girlfriend. I already blame him enough. I thought my preference was to work with him alone. But then, I don’t know how to make him stop bringing his girlfriend to my place of work. How am I going to make somebody else stop doing, bringing his girlfriend into my work? When I just want to work with him alone?

You know, actually, let me tell you something. Last week or two weeks ago, when it got too much for me, I knew that I hadn’t got on with him. I knew that his weakness was he is afraid of women in his life. So I decided to go to his place, just for that, and to tell him how I was feeling. And it had its desired effect. But he told me he was officially my boss, you see. And my preference, like I said, is to at least, I can work under him (inaudible) but he’s free to bring his girlfriend to my place of work. How do I deal with this?

ELIAS: You still are not quite understanding. For in this, you are not viewing your own motivation. You express, “I want to walk with him alone. I want to work with him alone. I want to engage this action with him alone.” No. Your motivation is not that you want to be interactive with this individual continuously.

YINKA: No?

ELIAS: Your motivation is anger and victim and hurt and retribution.

YINKA: Yes, I know. It’s true. You’re right. I find those things too.

ELIAS: And retaliation.

YINKA: Yes. It’s true. Actually, I want to kill him. I think I’m going to wring his neck. Elias, I can say that to you.

ELIAS: Yes.

YINKA: But I know that I’m not going to do that because of me.

ELIAS: I am understanding. But these are your motivations. And in this, you generate fueling those expressions within yourself and that blame within yourself, for you continue to not address to that.

YINKA: (Sighs) Well it does, it does help me, that.

ELIAS: It is easier to blame. And what is your payoff?

YINKA: That I was a victim?

ELIAS: Your payoff for being a victim is that you generate some element of misery for the other individual.

YINKA: Misery for him?

ELIAS: Therefore you feel somewhat compensated, if you can generate some type of irritation. For if you generate irritation, and you are expressing irritation in relation to his partner, you are projecting an uncomfortable energy…

YINKA: I know!

ELIAS: …and he experiences that also. And so does she. And this is your payoff.

For you continue to express yourself as the victim, and you continue to not evaluate what you are generating within yourself and how you yourself devalue yourself, to such an extent that you generate these types of relationships and interactions. And therefore, to compensate yourself in this role of the victim…

YINKA: Yes

ELIAS: …you generate a prodding energy and an uncomfortable energy with them. But what are you actually doing? Who is hurting whom?

YINKA: Oh, I’m hurting myself.

ELIAS: Correct. Yes, you are.

YINKA: I know, but you see, I’ve got three girls inside me. I’m a three (inaudible) because there’s always somebody in front of me. I don’t really want to make space. I just want to be comfortable in my work.

ELIAS: That is the point. You continue to project your attention outward and concern yourself with the other individuals…

YINKA: All right

ELIAS: …rather than concerning yourself with YOU, and how you continue to devalue yourself and how you continue to deny yourself. Rather than evaluating that, you project your attention to them.

And you concern yourself with them, and what they do and how they express and where they are and how they are and what their choices are and what their behavior is. Them, them, them, them, them! Which moves you no closer to moving in your own direction than you were when you and I began in our conversations.

YINKA: Oh.

ELIAS: Yes, you are paying attention more. Yes, you are seeking information, for you are willing to be discussing with myself and you are generating an evaluation to an extent. And you are more aware of what you are doing. And that is to be acknowledged. And I acknowledge that.

And you are attempting to engage the exercises, although now you may be engaging them more effectively. And in this, you are attempting to become more familiar with yourself and to alter these scenarios that you do not like and that are not your preference and that you do not want.

And you are attempting to offer yourself information to allow yourself more freedom and to not be expressing this depression and anger and devaluation of yourself. And that is also to be acknowledged.

But, if you continue to concentrate upon the other individuals and their choices and their behaviors and what they do and where they are, you shall continue to struggle.

YINKA: Okay.

ELIAS: And you shall continue to be hurtful to yourself.

YINKA: Okay.

ELIAS: Therefore, my suggestion is: choose comfort. (Laughs)

YINKA: (Sighs) God! This is going to be hard. That. What you just said now.

ELIAS: (Chuckles) Choose to be comfortable, my friend.

YINKA: I want to be.

ELIAS: Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to recognize those triggers and evaluate what motivates them. For it is not the other individual that motivates those triggers. It is you.

And they may be very strongly associated with your guidelines. Which is not bad. But your guidelines can also create conflict, if you are not aware of what you are actually doing.

YINKA: Well, why have I chosen (inaudible)? How long have I been going away from six years now? Almost, not five years, I think, five years?

ELIAS: I am understanding. And you continue to do similar actions, for you continue to project the same energy.

YINKA: All right. Okay.

ELAS: And the basis of this is that you project an energy of devaluing yourself.

YINKA: All right. So that’s (inaudible) all of the seasons?

ELIAS: And comparing.

ELIAS: That…

YINKA: Comparing?

ELIAS: That is a STRONG expression.

YINKA: Hmm. I’ve learned. I’ve learned.

ELIAS: (Laughs) I incorporate no doubt. (Both laugh)

YINKA: Wow! Thank you. (Elias laughs) Can I just be asking, because I think our time is up now, how do I achieve allowing myself this unlimited time? You know, because I often also tell myself I need to just work with him and do this thing and I will not be able to go, I have no time and all that. And I know I’m reinforcing some kind of not having time. How do I do that?

ELIAS: By being present in the moment. Not projecting in anticipation of the future or projecting in recall of the past, but focusing your attention in whatever you are doing in the moment. And not scattering yourself in projecting, “Oh, I must engage this task now. I must prepare for this. I must do this.” In all of that scattering, you incorporate much time in which you are not actually accomplishing ANY of the directions.

YINKA: Yes.

ELIAS: You are using that time to be projecting, rather than actually doing and focusing upon what you are doing.

YINKA: (Sighs) All right. Thank you very much, Elias.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. As always, my energy will be with you, in encouragement and supportiveness, and perhaps even in some reminders to be playful. (Laughs)

I shall be anticipating our next meeting and your progress in your new exercises. (Both laugh)

YINKA: Alright then. Thank you.

ELIAS: (Laughs) You are very welcome. I express MY appreciation to you, regardless of whether YOU appreciate you. (Both laugh)

YINKA: All right. Thanks.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Allow yourself to receive my lovingness to you, my friend.

YINKA: I receive it.

ELIAS: To you in great friendship, au revoir.

YINKA: Au revoir.

(Elias departs after 1 hour 8 minutes.)

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Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.