Participants: Mary (Michael) and Ester T (Ashula)

Friday, April 21, 2006 (Private/phone)

(Elias’ arrival time is 1 minute)

ELIAS: Good Morning.

ESTER: Good Morning.

ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?

ESTER: Well, I had a whole list of questions and I forgot the paper, so I was trying to think of something to ask.

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: Well the first thing is that last year for my birthday I decided to have a session and it took me 4 months to have it. Now it’s the day after my birthday and I am having one, so this is pretty good.

ELIAS: (Laughs) Congratulations!

ESTER: Hmm, (Pause) I know I had some difficult things that I wanted to talk to you about, but I have a quick question I guess before we get started. I was having a session before - I think it was with Kris. He told me I had a child, a boy child around me. And that was very disconcerting to me because at first I thought he was talking about somebody I actually knew. You know, like a, a person, objectively. But I don’t have anybody that age, and I couldn’t ask any more questions. What do you think he was picking up on, how would you translate that?

ELIAS: (Long pause) Perhaps in that moment, what may have been recognized in your energy may have been an association with another focus that you may have been drawing energy from in that time framework.

ESTER: Hmmm, okay.

ELIAS: For within your energy now, I would not express any such association.

ESTER: Okay. (Long pause) Could you help me to describe my energy now?

ELIAS: (Slowly) Calmer than it has been previously. Somewhat more directed, and somewhat lighter than it has been previously. I would express that you are continuing to increase your attention with you and noticing more. I would express that there continues to be somewhat of an automatic action of comparison that you engage, but less so than previously.

ESTER: ( 41-second pause) I’ve been having… the right side of my body, it’s been very strange. Like my right knee hurts, my back is so tight and it has been for weeks. No matter what I do, it has been very, very tight. And just 2 weeks ago I slammed the door on my right hand, so it’s been cut off and incapacitated. With things like that, sometimes, I have a hard time identifying what I’m, what the purpose is. How I have been using it I guess, has been that whenever I feel the tightness, because sometimes the pain on my right side is strong, I just, it’s like my awareness, to bring it back to myself, it’s I’m either outside of myself or doing a lot of comparison; I really have to concentrate, to bring it back to myself. Are there other reasons of why I’m doing this?

ELIAS: (Slowly) One. It would be associated with female boredom, feminine expressions or qualities. In competitiveness and in comparing, you are somewhat opposing the female qualities of yourself. As you are aware, within your reality, an element of duality is that of gender - the male and female associations, the intellect and the intuition. Almost all of the manifestations in your reality can be associated with male or female. And in association with the physical body, one side is associated with male and one side is associated with female. The right side is associated with female.

ESTER: Hmmm.

ELIAS: In opposition to the female or feminine qualities of yourself, dependent upon the strength of the opposition, you can manifest that in physical expression, and continuing to create them, within one side of your physical body, is an indicator to you that what you are doing is associated with the female qualities. In this, it is not necessary to compete with other individuals or to display yourself or present or project yourself in denial of the female qualities that you possess to be accepted or respected by other individuals. This would mainly be associated with your employ[ment].

ESTER: Yeah.

ELIAS: But you do somewhat express that in other directions also. You are passionate with regard to physical expressions, and you incorporate a strong preference to be engaging physical expressions. But you can engage these activities within your employ[ment] or outside of that, and also acknowledge the female qualities of yourself. That does not diminish you, it enhances you. For it allows you to express in a fuller or richer manner, and it also allows you to generate more balance.

ESTER: Can you describe the female qualities? I feel like I’ve been blocking this for so long, that I don’t even know, I wouldn’t even allow myself to understand that. What it means at all.

ELIAS: (Slowly) The natural expressions associated with that gender, which would be the more flexible. In a manner of speaking, it would be expressed as qualities of a softer nature. Not soft necessarily in association with demure, but in the incorporation of nurturing, intuition, (Pause) creativity, flexibility, gentleness. All of these qualities are expressed in strength, but in a different type of strength than you would automatically associate with those terms. They are qualities of empowerment and inspiration, encouragement, and supportiveness.

The male qualities are more rigid, directed, focused, intellectual, rational, and physical. The strengths in the male qualities are expressed differently.

Now; all individuals incorporate both the male and female qualities, but you choose to manifest a particular gender to express the qualities of that gender more overtly, unless you choose to be manifest in association with a particular gender to explore the dominance, so to speak, of the other gender while manifesting in a different gender. In other terms, unless you are choosing to be manifest as a male body consciousness but choose to explore the female qualities as the dominant expression. That is different.

ESTER: Which I take it I’m not choosing, right, which is why we are having this conversation?

ELIAS: Correct. Some individuals do, but generally speaking, not always. It is not a rule, but generally speaking, individuals that choose that type of experience also incorporate a preference to be interactive or generating relationship with the same gender. But as I have expressed, that is not a rule. And there are individuals that do choose that type of expression and do not choose the preference to involve themselves with the same gender. But that is not the choice that you have engaged in this focus.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: And in that, the motivation for expressing more of the male qualities is born out of competition and comparing and discounting yourself and opposing your own female qualities with the association that they are weak, and therefore should be denied or overridden, but that creates an energy of imbalance.

(Pause) To this point, I would express that you were not yet ready to inquire in this direction or to evaluate or examine this subject matter, but you have generated considerable movement and you have been paying more attention and noticing and you have been generating more of an acknowledgement of yourself. And you have been somewhat lessening that comparing and competing, and in that you have also been preparing yourself to move to your next step, which is to generate the balance, (Coughs) and, (Coughs) one moment… (Pause) …and in generating the balance, allowing yourself to express more fully your natural flow of energy and to generate more fully an exposure, and therefore to generate more of an openness, (Coughs) and allowing yourself more capacity to receive. Therefore it is purposeful that you are presenting this subject matter to yourself now.

I shall offer you an exercise that you may incorporate that may be helpful to you in alleviating the tension and the strain and the painfulness in association with your body consciousness. In this, each day, I shall express to you to incorporate the visualization, but this visualization shall be incorporated in a specific manner. First, you shall draw a bath, and you shall place yourself in the water of the bath, and before you begin the visualization, allow yourself several of your minutes to relax in the water. And as you relax, allow yourself to pay attention to your physical body and the buoyancy of it and pay attention to how the water feels upon your skin. Do not think; merely pay attention to how the water feels.

Once you have incorporated several minutes of relaxing and paying attention to the water, allow yourself to generate a visualization. In this visualization you shall be floating in a large pool. You are already aware of the water physically against your skin, and therefore it shall be easy to generate the visualization that you are now within a large pool, surrounded by trees and waterfalls. Do not think. Pay attention to the surroundings, pay attention to the sounds, and continue to pay attention to the sensation of the water. Notice the waterfall. It shall generate a rainbow. And in this pool, there shall also be an otter. This otter shall contain my energy, and this otter shall engage your physical body with its tail and its feet and its nose in a manner to relax the right side of your body.

Engage this exercise for at least fifteen of your minutes subsequent to the initial relaxation in the water, prior to the visualization. Once you have disengaged the visualization, incorporate a soothing cup of tea, and allow yourself a brief time framework to be quiet. In the incorporation of the cup of tea, pay attention to your physical senses and no other thing. In not thinking you allow the body to genuinely relax and generate an openness. In generating the quietness and drinking the tea, you incorporate an action of gentleness and nurturing of yourself, which shall allow you to become more familiar with your own female qualities. (44-second pause)

ESTER: So with my frustration with my, with my not losing weight is associated with this too?

ELIAS: Yes.

ESTER: (Long pause) Okay. Am I forcing energy when I’m doing some things with my body, with my health, eating-wise, exercise-wise? (Pause) Am I forcing energy when I’m doing this now? Not necessarily feel like it.

ELIAS: Not necessarily, for this is a preference.

ESTER: Okay. If I feel like it, I was worried about that, because I can feel that I could have the potential to do it that way so.

ELIAS: I am understanding but I would express that you are not now.

ESTER: Okay. (Laughs)

ELIAS: I am not expressing to you my friend, that you not engage your preferences but that you allow yourself to enhance them in (Coughs) acknowledging other qualities also.

ESTER: Yeah. (Laughs) You know, I’ve been doing all these things, (Pause) all this what we will call beauty things, and it’s actually very fun. Is that part, like we were talking about last time, like about my own acknowledgement of these qualities?

ELIAS: Yes.

ESTER: Okay. Because we have felt like a fine exploration, before I would have felt more like a pushing, but now it’s just like, oh my god, this is so much fun doing this.

ELIAS: Ha ha ha! (30-second pause)

ESTER: (Laughs and then pauses) It feels like I’m (laughs), I had this interesting experience. I’ve been doing dancing, it’s exotic dancing and I know that that is part of the exploration of my feminine, my own natural movement.

ELIAS: Yes.

ESTER: And I had this interesting experience. It has progressed, only four or five times I’ve been there. I can feel the change so rapidly. And this last time I was dancing with this one guy and it was very interesting and at the end I was holding his hand and there were so many feelings, like what he was doing, that I was feeling rejected. But I was feeling very happy too because I was noticing it, I was feeling how I was. Everything he did, I was immediately feeling rejection, automatically. But I kept with it and noticing it and almost stopping the feeling, interrupting and sometimes not always successfully with all of that. But I’m just driving home and I’m just sitting there and I’m just saying… before I would have been, oh my god, this was terrible, why did it happen? And I would have been so depressed and so invalidating of myself, and then I said, “No, stop, look what happens, your worse fear actually happened.”

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: It was that rejection (Laughs) which is my worst fear; that I would be rejected and it actually happened and not only once but several times. It was like a progression of rejection, right? I’m sure it was like, wow, this is so great, look at what happened, (Inaudible) because I was validating myself instead of invalidating myself.

ELIAS: Congratulations.

ESTER: (Laughs) It was so cool, such an interesting experience and cool at the same time, you know.

ELIAS: (Chuckles)

ESTER: You are laughing.

ELIAS: (Laughs) I am acknowledging of you.

ESTER: Yeah, thank you. I’ve been doing the game of the board, where you go off four words like different steps, that was like a leap of ten steps through the air. (Laughs)

ELIAS: (Laughs) That is greatly to be acknowledged. (Both laugh) A tremendous accomplishment.

ESTER: Yeah, it felt like such a crazy, (Pause) you know this week it was funny, I was staying at work, and I think I’m still very confused at work sometimes. I was saying like, I wish she’d just tell me, I’d be glad if she’d just tell me to just stop what I’m doing and just go back to who I was before.

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: Whatever I’m doing is like I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m here. (Both laugh) Say stop at the next turn, you are done now!

ELIAS: (Laughs) But you are generating a new adventure.

ESTER: Ah, yes.

ELIAS: New discoveries.

ESTER: Yes I am.

ELIAS: Generating new empowerment of yourself in a different manner.

ESTER: (Giggling) Very different. I do have a question about this. I’m glad I brought it up. (Pause) I want to be clear about what I am asking. I’m asking is it okay what I am doing? That’s my actual question, because in some situations, like with my friend Christian that I already talked to you about, and that I realized before that I wanted to stop what we were, what I was doing in that direction. But I still haven’t talked to him about it. And every time I see him I will talk to him about it. My motivations, why I’m not doing it, are my own fears, my own reticence to do it. And I’ve noticed that before when I believed in God, it was (Chuckles) easy for me to say, okay, God will take care of it and I can be patient. And just stay with myself and just let God take care of it, right. And now, that’s changing; that I am the one that is doing it, and this is my life and I am the one in (Pause) driving it. The fact that I kind of wait, and allow myself this time, I feel like I’m questioning it. Like in this one situation I asked for a raise for two of my workers and I didn’t want to have to talk to anyone and explain why I was doing it. I was very afraid, and so I wrote it on a paper and I gave it to him and it took me like two weeks just to do that. And, part of me feels like, I’m not as assertive enough, like I should be stronger, (Inaudible) like I have to explain it. But he handled it, he gave them the raise. I guess it’s part of that comparison that I’m doing.

ELIAS: Yes. And this is significant. Rather than acknowledging your accomplishment, what have you focused upon? That you should be stronger, that you should be this ideal self, that you should do this action or that you should be able to do this action.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: But, the method in which you accomplish an action, many times matters not. You accomplished.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: (Pause) This is an action of comparing yourself, not merely to other individuals but to yourself; an ideal self. This fantasized self that incorporates all right and strong and direct actions, (Pause) in your perception. But there is no allowance with that self to be flexible, or to incorporate risk or chance. And those are very real expressions within your reality.

Also, that ideal self incorporates no allowance for surprise. For where shall it present itself with surprise if it is always right and direct and strong in the rigidness of your perception of that? The manner in which you incorporated the action that you chose was not wrong and was not bad and you accomplished what you wanted.

ESTER: (Sighs)

ELIAS: Comparing that to a better method, or a better expression, is a discounting of yourself that diminishes the value of what you accomplished.

ESTER: I realized when I was looking at it, that, looking back in my life, it is a method that I used a lot. I seem to have a lot of patience, like a true sense of patience, just allow things to develop. But I hadn’t noticed before, that clearly, my own discounting of it.

ELIAS: And now perhaps you shall acknowledge yourself. And you shall count this as another success, and a valuable quality of yourself that you actually appreciate.

ESTER: Yes. (Laughs) Appreciate, yes. (Pause) I also feel like it’s related at work like when I’m giving most of my work away, and it was something that I really wanted to do. And actually that’s what I set out to do. And that it is actually happening, I am very, I can feel now talking to you how I am actually discounting, that I actually created what I wanted, you know.

ELIAS: (Chuckles)

ESTER: And I’ve done it now like, oh my god, this is so wrong, not doing the work that I’m suppose to be doing and I’m not doing the things that I’m suppose to be doing.

ELIAS: I may express to you. this is less unusual than you may think. There are many other individuals that incorporate this action also. They generate movement, just as yourself, in actually accomplishing what they want and subsequently discount themselves that they accomplished.

ESTER: Yes. It’s almost this need, I can feel it. I think that’s the part of me that was saying, I wish Elias would tell me to stop, with all this need, to go back, to make it like it was before. And I do also have time… (Laughs)

ELIAS: That is associated with denying yourself…

ESTER: Yeah.

ELIAS: …and not valuing yourself, once again, which is a very familiar expression with you. You wish for Elias to tell you to stop, I SHALL tell you to STOP denying yourself. I SHALL tell you to STOP turning in the direction to unravel your own success and your own accomplishments. I SHALL tell you to STOP devaluing yourself. I shall NOT express to you, to stop the direction that you are moving in. And I shall NOT express to you to return to the familiar expressions that you incorporated previously for they have been tremendously discounting of you and denying of you and devaluing of you. And this is the point that you and I engage conversation, to allow yourself to move into NEW expressions in which you do value yourself and you do not deny yourself. And I am acknowledging of you, that you noticed.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: That is an accomplishment, for you did notice that you incorporated an automatic response or reaction to your own success, by questioning it and devaluing it, but it is significant that you noticed.

ESTER: Yes, yes.

ELIAS: For even in not stopping entirely, that noticing interrupted the expression and interrupted the action of discounting yourself or devaluing yourself, for you recognized what you were doing.

ESTER: Yes. (Pause) I was pretty happy, when I noticed, I stopped and said, “Okay, this is what I was actually doing.” I felt very confused, very frustrated, and then I’m like okay, what is happening here?

ELIAS: (Chuckles)

ESTER: I find it fascinating when I noticed too, when I realized, that I was hiring new people to take more of my work off. And it was, WOW! (Laughs)

ELIAS: (Laughs) There is an automatic association with most individuals that easy is bad.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: That hard or difficult or struggle is good and noble. But easy is bad and lazy. BUT, most individuals want to generate easy. (Laughs)

ESTER: Yes. (Laughs)

ELIAS: You want to create easy, but when you do create easy, you discount yourself in expressing that, “This is bad, and this is lazy.”

ESTER: Yeah.

ELIAS: No, it is merely easy. (Laughs)

ESTER: What I am doing is almost like I have to redefine what my work is and define what work means to me.

ELIAS: And that is precisely the point.

ESTER: Okay.

ELIAS: And in that redefining, it is not work any longer.

ESTER: Ah, I’m trying to get it. I guess before when you said that, my final assumption would be, okay, it means, I have the work that I’ve chosen to do, which has the environmental thing, but that bores me to death. And my next automatic thing would be, okay, how can I change that? How can I make that environmental work that bores me to death, doesn’t bore me anymore? That would be my path. But what I seem to have done, which started even before I got the job, I was bored to death with my work. I didn’t like talking to the clients, I didn’t even like to explain environmental issues, I didn’t want to. The only thing I was doing, I was sitting at my desk so frustrated for years. What is it that I like to do? And I realized, I like talking to people. I like sharing with people, not about work, about us, what we are doing, you know?

ELIAS: (Chuckles)

ESTER: And within 2 weeks, my friend had left work, and I had a new job and now that is what I’m actually doing. When my co-workers, the people that work for me have issues, they come to me. And all I do is actually validate them. All I do is like, you are doing a great job, you are doing this wonderful. I tell them their strengths, and it’s like we are talking about us, (Burst of laughter) you know?

ELIAS: Yes.

ESTER: I still don’t like talking to the clients, so I’m giving all that away. Now when I’m thinking, when you are saying, I’m redefining my work, it’s like that’s my work now, not talking to these clients about these laws and what to do with their properties, it’s talking to my people about us.

ELIAS: And it is not work.

ESTER: No, because it’s the fun part of it.

ELIAS: Correct. And it is easy.

ESTER: Yah. So when I start thinking, oh my god, I should be doing this thing about the clients and telling them what to do about their properties, that’s when I’m invalidating what I’m actually working on?

ELIAS: Correct. You are actually incorporating the action of shifting.

ESTER: Wow!

ELIAS: In directing yourself and allowing yourself to generate the actions that you enjoy, that you appreciate, and that are not actually perceived as work, but is performing a function.

ESTER: So when I get to work, and I was still getting calls from clients, and I was frustrated, and then these last couple of weeks I get to work and then no messages from clients. This is actually a validation to me.

ELIAS: Yes.

ESTER: I’m getting what I want because I don’t want to talk to clients.

ELIAS: YES, yes.

ESTER: Wow!

ELIAS: I shall express a HUGE congratulations to you in association with this.

ESTER: Wow.

ELIAS: You are generating success, but you are perceiving it as bad.

ESTER: Yes.

ELIAS: But you are creating precisely what you want.

ESTER: (Laughs) Yes, because I feel like, when I get to work, I get to look at my messages and there are no messages and yes this is so great, but then I’m like now what am I going to do the rest of the day because I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: Ah, man.

ELIAS: But you are, for you are redefining what you do, which is the point.

ESTER: So I can still, I mean, this is huge, I’m like shocked, because I can still go to work and be, oh man, this is big, my brain is shifting, completely, Wow…

ELIAS: (Chuckles) And now experientially, not intellectually, you understand.

ESTER: Yes. It’s amazing.

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: Man… (Pause) Wow, truly…I’m absolutely shocked.

There is this lady that came in for an interview, I just liked her immediately. She does this other area about growing business and she was to do this marketing. She’s really good, I can sense that, and it’s taking three or four weeks before I can call her back to see if we can have an interview. And I think that was part of it because I kept thinking, I’m hiring her so she can do my job, pretty much. This other aspect of the work, that I think I should be doing but I don’t like to do at all, ah, god…

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: I mean, this is amazing, it’s like I have all these people around me that love what they are doing and it’s exactly what I don’t like to do. And I’m surrounding myself with them.

ELIAS: And this is the point.

ESTER: Ah, man.

ELIAS: And this is a definite action of shifting.

ESTER: Wow. (Pause) I want to run outside and go jumping, dancing, and… ah, so much.

ELIAS: (Laughs) And reward yourself in association with your success, in allowing yourself to incorporate playful actions the rest of your day. (Laughs)

ESTER: You know where I have been in the mountains in a cabin here tonight with just the three of us here, having a great time, it’s really amazing. Wow, this has been a great session. (Giggles)

ELIAS: (Laughs)

ESTER: And I have been paying attention, and finally, that I have been paying attention to what we last time. You said you were giving me this support energy, and it dawned on me, that you could send me all the support energy that you want to but if I’m not open to receiving it, it’s not coming to me, right?

ELIAS: Correct.

ESTER: So, have you felt that I’ve been actually trying to open up for accessing it?

ELIAS: Somewhat, yes.

ESTER: Somewhat yes? Like I’m making a little progress there?

ELIAS: Yes. (Laughs)

ESTER: Okay.

ELIAS: Very well, I shall be anticipating the progress report of your movement in our next meeting. (Laughs) And I shall be anticipating in that report more of the acknowledgement of your successes. (Laughs)

ESTER: Yes, me too, I am anticipating that too. (Both laugh)

ELIAS: And I shall be offering my energy to you in playfulness, if you will not accept it in supportiveness. (Laughs)

ESTER: (Laughs) Hey, hey, I’m tried to open the doors!

ELIAS: (Laughs) Very well.

ESTER: All of it will come in.

ELIAS: Very well, my friend, to you in tremendous appreciation and great affection, au revoir.

ESTER: Goodbye, Elias.

(Elias departs after one hour, eight minutes)

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Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.