Friday, March 3, 2006 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and HOWARD (Bosht)

(Elias’ arrival time unknown)

ELIAS: Good day!

HOWARD: Good day! I’ve been looking forward to talking to you for some time now. Is everything going okay with you guys?

ELIAS: As always, and yourself?

HOWARD: Yes, just fine, sir. I guess I would like to ask, if I could, if Margot and you have been talking about me and my predicament here?

ELIAS: (Laughs) Not precisely.

HOWARD: Oh dear. I feel like I’ve been perhaps let out or turned away or turned off or... It’s very difficult for me to explain. Almost abandoned would be one of the first things.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

HOWARD: But not abandoned. I really have never felt so much loneliness. I never knew what it felt like.

ELIAS: (Quietly) I am understanding. You can allow yourself a connection, if you are so choosing.

HOWARD: Yes. Yes, I am.

ELIAS: Although, there is somewhat of a distraction with this individual, generating some similar curiosities as Lawrence. (Chuckles) But there is an openness, and there is an awareness of the ability to be projecting energy through these veils.

As she incorporated an extensive action of transition within physical focus and offered herself much information concerning what can and often does occur subsequent to disengagement, once she recognized that she had disengaged – which was not immediate, but relatively quickly – there was also an awareness of her ability to be projecting energy in association with you.

HOWARD: Yes. I had written a piece that I put on the blog regarding my awareness of or my attention being turned to the female energy, the imagery that was coming from the television as well as day-to-day operations of the store, where I was seeing actions that I would have loved to discuss with her. They were very small things. But I thought, why am I paying attention to this female energy in this manner? This would be a great thing to discuss with Margot. I decided that she was showing me, or I was allowing myself to see, some facets of femininity that I would have normally just have passed off as tomboyish, using my grandmother’s term, or aggressive, and I was missing the nurturing side. Obviously, I wouldn’t have thought of females being aggressive previously, because they are no threat to me. But I felt this was some kind of communication from her or at least showing me a trait that she had displayed and couldn’t do it openly.

ELIAS: Yes. You are quite correct.

HOWARD: I’ll be darned.

ELIAS: I may also express to you, if you are paying attention you may be noticing her energy in association with your felines, for they are aware.

HOWARD: They certainly are. I took notice of an event that occurred early in August; this was before the releasing ceremony that I had arranged. I leave the window open because I am gone all day, and I want them to be able to come and go as they please. Axel decided that he did not want to come in, and it was ten o’clock at night or so. I closed the window and went to bed, and suddenly the car horn started blaring. The truck horn started going off, it’s ten o’clock, I jump up and try to find the car keys to shut it off. I opened the door, and finally, bleary-eyed, I point the keys at the car and the horn shuts off and in comes Axel! He almost knocks me off my feet. He comes running in, and I say, “You little bugger! You were just out there hanging around, and Margot turned the car horn on.” And he turns around, and you know how cats have this incredibly dumb look when they look at you, and you know that they absolutely understand what you’ve said. Well, it’s silly, and we had a chuckle about that. I presume that it was Margot: “Axel’s cold, and he wants to get in, and open the door NOW!” (ELIAS laughs) Would that be a correct one?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: (Laughs) Well, that’s what I felt, and we had a good chuckle about that. They’ve been very cooperative. I prefer to keep the windows closed at night because we have strays in the neighborhood as well as skunks and other creatures, and I want to keep them out while I am asleep. But yes, I do understand what you said.

My felines have been seeing a lot of stuff lately. Cecil himself, that’s the more skittish one, has appeared to be not as brave as he used to be. He’s very pensive. I guess that’s all I can say. I don’t know what he’s telling me by his actions. He tends to really want to stay close to the house and to me, I guess.

ELIAS: As a comfort.

HOWARD: Ah, yes. I was also trying to resurrect what I thought would have been some of the unanswered or unasked questions that Margot had. I may get to those at the end, because some feel familiar and she may have already asked them, and I haven’t seen the transcripts yet to verify them.

This particular day, when Mary set up this session, would be what Margot would call a five day. It’s March third, 2006. That’s a day of change, and I thought that would be a good Margot day. She really liked her numerology. But for me, the change would seem to be that I don’t seem be able to adjust to her passing. I have already expressed that I really have never been so lonely. The hardest part is that I don’t seem to have any interest anymore. For the first time in my life, I appear to be existing without anything to do, and I am getting paid for it! The business is doing well, and it is paying, but I don’t have any interest in it, which is very scary.

I wrote this analogy which I would like to share with you. It’s like I’m riding a wave. The wave is large and in an ocean that has no end. I sit on my surfboard, bored to death, because there is no land for the wave to break on. I ride without effort on the wave, around and around and around the earth. There are many things that interest me, but I have no interest in pursuing them. I can’t even rake the leaves or spend my time eating. It can’t be because I am old or satisfied with my condition, neither of which seems correct, but the hunger for life seems to be gone. I am wondering if this is really what it’s like to survive the loss of one’s best friend, companion and lover.

ELIAS: For a time; it is not unusual. I am understanding, my friend, what you are experiencing. What I may offer to you is to express that the gentlest and kindest expression that you can generate within yourself is to merely allow yourself this experience. In this, allow yourself to recognize that the void and the despair that you are experiencing now is a match-point for the love and affection and companionship that you experienced with this individual. The strength in which you experienced that connection is, in a manner of speaking, being matched with the strength of what you perceive to be the disconnection.

In a manner of speaking – although at times it may be difficult to understand or even difficult to bear – it is a profound validation of the tremendous interconnectedness that you have shared, and it is a tremendous validation of the shared genuine appreciation. In this, allowing yourself to experience this profoundness in loss and allowing yourself to experience this floundering somewhat, in a manner of speaking honors the match-point of the tremendous appreciation.

Individuals generally attempt to push away experiences that are profoundly uncomfortable or distressing. Individuals, generally speaking, automatically attempt to generate some type of action that shall distract them in a manner in which it somewhat prevents them from focusing upon what they are naturally experiencing. But ultimately, that type of action compounds the natural experience and changes it into one of destruction rather than one of honoring that appreciation.

HOWARD: I can agree with that. I have felt nothing but destruction, self-destruction.

ELIAS: My suggestion is that you allow yourself to experience what you are naturally experiencing. I am aware of the intensity of discomfort. I am aware of the scatteredness and the lack of motivation. The lack of motivation shall not continue indefinitely, but within the timework in which it is being expressed, in actuality it is more efficient and helpful to you to allow yourself to merely experience it and not push.

HOWARD: I can understand that, too.

ELIAS: Which also, in that action, allows you to be more focusing your attention upon that genuine appreciation that you have shared, which allows you more of an openness. In pushing and in attempting to escape the experience that you are generating now, it creates more barriers between your energy and her energy, which is precisely what you do not want. Therefore, I am greatly encouraging of you to receive my energy, for it is familiar to you, and it is easily received. In that, allow myself to be supportive to you in your experience, and in that, you may begin to allow yourself to reacquaint yourself with her energy. For without the familiarity of the physical form, her energy shall be familiar to you but slightly different.

HOWARD: Well, I have had a couple of those experiences.

ELIAS: I am aware, and you can generate this more frequently, and in that shall come your comfort. I can serve as a support, in which, figuratively speaking, it is not necessary for you to tread water. You can float, and I can support, and in that, you can generate more of an openness to her energy, which shall generate your comfort. My energy does not serve as much as comforting, for what you seek is the connection that you perceive is somewhat – not entirely – but somewhat lost.

HOWARD: Yes. You mentioned pushing energy, creating barriers. I think I did that quite effectively between July and August, with my reactions to her children and the grief that I was going through, the so called melt-down and the final barrier that apparently I erected between me and her daughter Lisa regarding the Corn Maiden earrings that I wanted to give to her daughter Jennifer.

She was asking me questions about you, and Margot’s explorations and focuses, and the most important were questions regarding her daughters Jennifer and Jessica. It’s very confusing, because the problem for Lisa was that the list that Gerhard set up had Jessica listed as being a focus of Margot’s, and yet Margot referred to Jennifer as being a focus of hers. Both girls, Jennifer and Jessica, are daughters of Lisa. All I know now is that the wedding we didn’t go to was for the daughter of Lisa and a focus of Margot, and I believe we are talking about Jennifer. But I am so confused now that I can’t figure out which is which. It just occurred to me that perhaps the energy of the two, while they are different as human beings and women... I’m not even sure how to put this. It occurred to me that perhaps Jessica and Jennifer were both either fragmented of or part of the essence of Giselle.

ELIAS: In different capacities: one being fragmented previously and one fragmenting...

HOWARD: Presently?

ELIAS: Correct.

HOWARD: Is that a fact! Okay. I feel much better. I’m not crazy after all. (ELIAS laughs) And poor Lisa had two Margots living with her! No wonder! (Both laugh) Well, Lisa was the right daughter to raise these two kids, because I don’t think that any of the others could have. How interesting. So I sent the earrings off, along with David’s book that we had an extra copy of, of his interpretations of quotations of yourself, and I haven’t heard from them since October. I presume the earrings made it safely to Jennifer, and if one each went to Jennifer and Jessica I think that would be just fine.

I was going to ask another question about Margot’s kids. I was going to say why I disliked them so much, and I think it probably has everything to do with interfering with my life with her. It’s a very selfish situation, and our relationship was that we just wanted to be with each other. I could offer that as my explanation of why I really don’t like her kids. You don’t have to agree.

ELIAS: I would agree.

HOWARD: (Laughs with ELIAS) Gee, that took care of three pages of trying to setup for that!

Do you know that last month I got really upset with Oona, not Oona, Debi, because I had decided that she was my daughter, the daughter of Abu Bakr, and that she became the wife of, not the first wife, but a wife of Mohammed? I thought that this was really big stuff, and I shared it with her, and she did not ask you about it in the session that she had, and I really got angry.

ELIAS: And what generated that anger?

HOWARD: That she would ignore. It was like an insult to me. That’s the only way I can put it. I couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t follow up on this, because I thought it was important. There you go -- it was very selfish. I said to myself when it was all through and I was through writing my email – which I would like to have back, but I can’t – I said to myself this is really dumb. This is really stupid, what I just went through. If she’s not interested, that’s okay. If she forgot about it, that’s okay too. Why is this so terribly important to me?

And I fretted and stewed. It was one of those kinds of emotions that can overwhelm a person and completely obliterate a relationship. We’ve known each other for six years, email-wise, chat rooms and boards, etcetera. We did a lot of things, like the Donner Party and everything. We sat on the board across from her little plaque that was erected at her house and commiserated, and all of that is whap, done now! I’ve been around people who have taken an insult personally, not intentioned, but it happened and bingo the relationship is over. So I said stop this! This is really stupid! She chose not to follow it up, she had her own reasons.

ELIAS: And what of you?

HOWARD: Me? I felt better that I came to the conclusion that I should not – okay, that’s a should-not – that futurely speaking, if I have an impression, I might share it with the person or not, but for the most part I’ll just kind of bring it out later. I don’t need to be patted on the back or congratulated: Once again, HOWARD, you did something cool – which might have been my motive in the first place. But I said I’m just not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to attach these strings of personal responsibility to things. I didn’t really care about the subject that she talked to you about. From my point of view, I care about her and her dealing with what was going on with her personally, but it wasn’t a big bonfire for me to stare at all night.

After coming to that conclusion of the little strings that I was attaching to the tidbits, the “you go gal,” pat on the back stuff that I have been doing in the past… I am not saying I am not sincere, but I can read people pretty well and I know when they need encouragement, empathy. I think the word is empathy.

ELIAS: And what of yourself?

HOWARD: Myself? As I feel about it?

ELIAS: Do you know when you desire that?

HOWARD: Oh yeah. I actually have to call someone to get that, because nobody calls me.

ELIAS: Let me express to you, my friend, what you have offered to yourself in information concerning this experience is to be acknowledged, and it is quite beneficial. But there is an element that is missing, and that is the element of what motivated the request to begin with and what motivated the intensity of the reaction. That element is that of being acknowledged, merely wanting to be seen, merely wanting to be acknowledged that you are present and that you exist.

The source that has provided that with you and that you provided in return is not physically present, and this was what you may term to be a type of outreach. It was an expression of sharing, motivated by the desire to merely be acknowledged that you are present, that you exist and that you are valuable.

HOWARD: Yes. I have so much affection for Debi, which is where this search for other connections came from. That was my justification.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

HOWARD: What you just said though, that what motivated my request and the intensity of my action or reaction was an outreach, I’m getting an idea that it was something that Margot might have initiated. Was she lacking? Was she outreaching and was I not paying attention?

ELIAS: No. What I am expressing to you, my friend, is that this type of exchange was shared between you both throughout your relationship. Therefore, there is an element that generates a perception that that factor is missing, and therefore, you attempt to express a sharing with another individual in similar manner that you would with her. The reason that you generated the reaction is that you did not receive the same response as would have been shared by your partner.

HOWARD: Ah! I understand, I really do. I want to ask, so that I can move on, Is Aisha, the daughter of Abu Bakr, a focus of Oona?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Another thing I have on a similar plane, but this time I was not going to go ballistic, I sent Grady a song of Nina Simone, and I said, “Marj, this is you.” And she likes the song a great deal. I would like to know is Nina Simone a focus of Grady?

ELIAS: Observing and counterpart.

HOWARD: A double whammy! Wonderful. (ELIAS laughs) I like Nina a lot! As you can tell.

One of the other things, just because it’s here and I’m trying to wrap up loose ends, is my impression that we had decided or I had decided, put it that way, I thought that we had confirmed that Margot was Fatima, the daughter of Mohammed. I was reading a session regarding her impressions and Timo’s, wherein you said that Margot was a partial observing essence. I’d like to clear that up, because I see the wedding, or at least I attributed it to the Fatima wedding, and I can see her dancing and all of that, and I describe the woman as Margot – Fatima.

ELIAS: Let me explain to you, my friend, an observing essence generates the same role as the directing essence. They generate the same experiences and are equal in association with the focus. As I have expressed in explanation previously, even with a particular directing essence the focus incorporates the choice to move and align with whichever essence it chooses. In that, if the focus assumes an observing essence as its essence, it does not lose or disconnect the previous directing essence; it merely creates additional experiences.

But in association with the role of an observing essence, regardless of whether it is for the entirety of the focus or whether it is partial within the focus, it is just as real as the directing focus, for they are merged. Therefore, there is no distinguishment. They are merged to the point where the individual incorporates all of the essences that are observing as one. Therefore, there is no distinguishment. If you are connecting with another focus and you offer yourself strong, clear imagery of the other focus and a strong association with an individual that was involved in that focus, the individual or the essence of that individual can be an observing essence, and it does not diminish in any capacity the experience and the reality of that essence’s participation as that individual.

HOWARD: All right. Because I do a lot of observing of female focuses, I can...

ELIAS: In a manner of speaking, they are your focuses.

HOWARD: I got it; I understand.

Another thing of Marj that I have is that the actual model and the actual sculptor of the Venus de Milo was the same person. First of all, I want a validation that the sculptor and the model for the Venus de Milo was a woman and the same person.

ELIAS: Partially, not entirely, for that was a joint creation. Therefore, yes, you are correct, but as it was a joint creation, there were other individuals that were also involved as the model and as the sculptor. In this, the model that was the alternate model was very similar in physical feature to the other individual. Rather than generating a sculpture through [a] mirror, there was the incorporation of an alternate model that could serve as a...

HOWARD: Stand-in?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Much like the Mona Lisa did for many of the little portraits that Leonardo was doing.

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Was the stand-in Grady?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: But she was not the sculptor. She appeared to be the body image of the sculptor?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Wow! It is great! You go gal, is all I have to say! (ELIAS laughs) I had a flash. This sculptor was not a hermaphrodite was he, she?

ELIAS: No.

HOWARD: That was the other thing, because there’s lots of male imagery in that sculpture, and I thought well, perhaps...

ELIAS: Ah, but this is also what you have been presenting yourself recently.

HOWARD: Well, this male really likes that sculpture and that lady. My god, she’s good-looking. (ELIAS laughs) Well good, I’m glad I got that taken care of.

We’re coming to the closing of our time together, and I was reading a session where Anjuli was talking about The City that we are creating. In my writings on the so-called Seventh Day, the day that has never ended, biblically speaking, I have this imagery on a porch of a kind of alabaster café – well, that’s the flooring – and it looks out over the Sea of Tranquility. The name of the café is Mamandy, Mamandy Café. It’s in the Seventh Day poem, and I’m wondering, is that my understanding of a place in the dream city? I call it Mamandy, and it’s actually named in honor of Vic, Vicki who passed away. Am I on track with that imagery?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Beautiful place. It really is nice. It really, really is nice.

My musician friend George Butts, I wondered – because I have asked so many impressions about Grady – I wondered if George was a focus of Grady.

ELIAS: Counterpart.

HOWARD: Also, Anjuli asked what Margot’s essence animal was. We would call it spirit animal. I answered right away that it was owl. Is that a yes or no?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: In that case, three to four days after she passed and two or three days before she passed, I was spending a great deal of time out on the porch trying to get alone and stop my crying. There was this mourning dove, a desert dove actually, around here, here at 7000 feet, totally out of its element, going “ooo, ooo, ooo,” and I paid attention to it. It was flying around, flying around, always kind of circling the house. Over here, over there, over there, and then after she passed, the dove was still there for quite a while. I tried to figure out who that was. So when Anjuli asked me what spirit animal that Margot had and I immediately said owl, I thought of the dove, and I said, hmm, if that is the case, then why was the mourning dove serenading me so shortly after she passed?

ELIAS: I may express to you, this was a projection of Lawrence’s energy. I may also express to you that Lawrence has, in another time framework, incorporated the manipulation of energy with unusual behavior with another bird in association with Michael.

HOWARD: Wow. So Vicki’s spirit animal was a dove?

ELIAS: No, but Lawrence incorporates a fondness or has recognized an ease in manipulating energy in association with birds, in generating unusual behavior in certain birds.

HOWARD: That is cool. I think I’m going to end with this. Well, I need to. I have to get to the store to relieve my help so that they can go for lunch. My connection with Aimee Semple McPherson, is his name Kenneth Ormiston?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: Okay, that will be something for later. Did he drown?

ELIAS: Yes.

HOWARD: So that was what it was about, huh? She had to get to get rid of his body. I’m not saying, but…

ELIAS: I shall allow you to investigate!

HOWARD: (Laughs) I know what happened! I never have wanted to go down to Venice. I never liked that place, and now I know why. Two years from now someone else will know. I’m not going to share this anyone. Thank you so much.

ELIAS: You are very welcome, my friend. Remember that I shall be your support.

HOWARD: I will remember, and I’m feeling better. I guess that’s a false proclamation, but I will be feeling better. I am taking notes here and... (Sigh)

ELIAS: Relax.

HOWARD: Yes, and let my cats sooth me.

ELIAS: Yes. I shall be anticipating our next meeting, my dear friend, and I offer tremendous appreciation to you. In great lovingness and in wonderous friendship, au revoir.

HOWARD: Bye.

Elias departs after 1 hour.

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Copyright 2006 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.