Paying attention to small annoyances
“Paying attention to small annoyances”
“Evaluating what is motivating the impatience”
November 22, 2005 (Private)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Frank (Ulra)
ELIAS: Good morning!
FRANK: Good morning! Nice to talk to you again.
ELIAS: And you also.
FRANK: Good. Let’s see, where shall we start? As usual, why don’t we start with a dream? I haven’t had many dreams I remembered lately, but this is one.
This is about two weeks ago and I dreamt that there was a big pile of dirt in my backyard and all sorts of holes in this dirt where there were like ground hogs or squirrels or something hidden in these holes. And I didn’t like that these squirrels were there so I started covering up these holes with dirt, and so I’m sort of wondering what that’s about.
ELIAS: And your impression?
FRANK: Well, my impression is this is probably little things that are sort of nagging me that I’m trying to figure out whether I can cover up with dirt so I won’t have to be bothered by them.
ELIAS: Or avoid or ignore.
FRANK: So what’s the message?
ELIAS: The message would be, the more you cover up or ignore or avoid, the larger your mound becomes.
FRANK: Ah, okay.
ELIAS: And that small annoyances or the small expressions that you are ignoring or avoiding become larger and larger.
FRANK: Gee, now you’ve got me wondering what am I avoiding?
ELIAS: It would be a matter of paying attention to small annoyances within your day that you are not necessarily addressing to and in that, recognizing that the more you generate that, the more energy you are contributing, and in a manner of speaking, you are building or constructing a direction that can become a large situation.
FRANK: Probably why I’m so tired lately, huh?
Let me express to you as I have previously, this is actually quite important. I have been expressing for a time framework to you and to other individuals concerning being aware of what you are doing or not doing throughout your day, regardless of how insignificant and small the actions may be, for realistically, the small actions that you incorporate each day are those very same actions and energy that contribute to generating large situations. And once you have created the large situation, you are befuddled, for you incorporate confusion as to how you created that or why you created that, and you become confused in how to rectify, in your terms, what you have created. But in paying attention to the mundane actions that you incorporate each day, that is the manner in which you are aware of your direction and what you are creating and thusly avoid creating large situations that are uncomfortable.
FRANK: Interesting. Okay. Boy, I didn’t think that little dream would have such a significant amount of information. But I guess that’s why I remembered it. So, let’s back up a second here and let me ask you about two things. Number one, can you give me an example of some small irritants right now that I’m covering up.
ELIAS: What do you notice within your day in your interactions with other individuals?
FRANK: I notice that I find it irritating that people always seem to be bothering me with small, unimportant things.
ELIAS: And you become impatient. That is one significant, small expression that occurs frequently. The automatic response of becoming impatient and not necessarily addressing to that or noticing, which—this actually is quite an adequate example, for in this type of an example you can actually conceptualize how generating repeated expressions of impatience in what you would deem to be small situations can actually build and mound to the point in which it becomes explosive.
FRANK: You mean within me?
ELIAS: Yes. For as you continue to generate energy in impatience, you reinforce that and you reinforce creating tense energy within yourself, and as you continue to reinforce those expressions, you can generate a trigger point with yourself in which you may be interacting with another individual and generate an extreme, and create what you would deem to be a large conflict or a very uncomfortable interaction.
Let me express to you, this is quite common, and in association with energy, the reason that it is important to be paying attention to the small expressions that you generate, is that you generate those small expressions within an extended time framework. The energy that you express in association with those small expressions, figuratively speaking, could be viewed as being placed in a large box. Now, all of the expressions of energy that you repeat in a particular direction, you continue to generate additions into that box, that container, which holds all that energy. Eventually you generate a trigger point, in which that energy shall be released, but the manner in which you generate the trigger point shall be in equal measure to whatever you have stored in energy in that figurative container. This is the reason that once you generate the trigger point, you create what you deem to be a large event or a large situation that is uncomfortable or conflicting, for the energy that is expressed in that matches the energy that has been building in association with the small expressions.
I may also express to you the suggestion that you engage questioning Michael in this regard, for he has generated an awareness of the significance of what I have been expressing to individuals concerning this point of generating what you would term to be small actions that you do not notice that eventually create a situation that becomes uncomfortable or what you would term to be a large situation.
FRANK: Okay, so let me ask you about two things then. Number one, given that now I have all this energy in the box, figuratively speaking, what do I do at this point so I can hopefully avoid a major explosive triggering? And my second question is, is it enough, just at the time that something happens and I find it irritating and I get impatient, to just be aware of creating impatience or how do I—in other words, how do I deal with it at the time to avoid this energy being pent up?
ELIAS: The response to both of these questions is the same. In this, you can be emptying the energy from that container rather than continuing to contribute to it and the manner in which you do that is the same as addressing to the situation as it occurs. Not merely noticing—that is one aspect. That is one step, noticing that you are generating a slight irritation or impatience. But once noticing that, allow yourself to evaluate what is motivating that, which to an extent you already incorporate some information, for you deem the situation to be a presentment of insignificance, and therefore, you deem it to be a waste of time. But it is insignificant to you, but not necessarily to the other individual. Also, there is another aspect of this, for what you are deeming to be a waste of time or insignificant, you also are presenting to yourself. You are drawing these individuals to yourself in this presentment. Therefore, it is not insignificant or a waste of time. To the contrary, it is significant, or you would not be drawing this situation to yourself.
Therefore, it is important that you evaluate within yourself what is motivating that impatience. It is not the expression of the other individual. It is that you are projecting your energy in a different manner or at times that you are distracted and your attention is moving in a different direction, and these presentments of annoyances are opportunities for you to stop momentarily and re-center your energy, re-center your focus. Therefore, there is a benefit to these interruptions that you are generating an automatic response to in irritation and impatience. The irritation and the impatience in themselves are your clue.
ELIAS: Addressing to that and generating a different action, noticing your automatic response and intentionally allowing yourself to stop and re-center yourself and refocus yourself creates a different energy, and that dissipates or empties the energy that is being contained.
FRANK: Excuse me, what was the very first part you said? You said notice response, stop, re-center and refocus—what was the first thing you said? To notice the action or…?
ELIAS: To notice the moment in which you are generating the automatic response of irritation and impatience. To notice when you are generating the association of a waste of time. Those are the automatic responses. Once noticing the automatic response, incorporate a different action in re-centering and refocusing rather than merely expressing the irritation, the impatience, the association of wasting time, and not addressing to it and ignoring it. That generates the action of placing the energy into the figurative container.
FRANK: Okay. Let me ask you about this. Lately I feel like I have to do a lot of things that I shouldn’t have to do, a little different than wasting time—well, maybe it’s the same thing.
ELIAS: (Chuckles.) Ah, one point.
FRANK: Well, that was a cheap point. It’s probably only worth a half a point.
ELIAS: It is significant that you are generating the association, for that is another expression of contributing to the energy in the container. This is significant that you allow yourself to pay attention and to actually notice and see all of the different actions that you do in a day that are all interrelated and are all contributing to the same direction.
FRANK: Okay. Well, I’m glad we talked about this, because it sounds like I’m headed for some [of] what I would term as “trouble” if I don’t do something about this.
FRANK: Do you concur?
ELIAS: It is a potential.
FRANK: We’ve probably talked about this, gosh knows how many times. I know other people have, too. I know when I’ve talked to you in the past about why was it so hard to pay attention, and you said it’s unfamiliar to you and all that sort of thing, but other than saying “pay attention,” what can I do to try to—it seems like at times I’ve been very good at that and it’s helped me considerably, and then at other times I’ve realized that, like this, sometimes I lose focus.
ELIAS: And what do you notice is the difference?
FRANK: I think I’m more relaxed—when I’m more relaxed, I’m paying attention, I think.
ELIAS: Partially that is correct, but there is another difference also. That would be motivation. If you incorporate some direction that you value and that you deem to be important enough, you generate more motivation and that generates more of an ease in paying attention, for you are motivated. Therefore, if you offer yourself certain directions, or in your terms reasons that are valuable to you enough, they shall motivate to continue in a particular direction of paying attention. It is merely a matter of being aware, being focused and recognizing what you value and choosing a direction that you value enough to motivate you to continue to be paying attention. In a manner of speaking, it is the same principle as what we have been discussing, the motivation matching the direction, and therefore generating a strong enough energy to allow yourself to continue to pay attention, which also is the significance of the action of stopping and refocusing.
What occurs is that you lose focus or your focus becomes scattered, and in that the energy is scattered and that dissipates motivation. Therefore, allowing yourself to stop and refocus and re-center, that also regenerates your motivation and creates more of an ease in staying in the now and paying attention to what you are actually doing. It also allows you to objectively recognize that you actually incorporate choices, that automatic responses are merely one choice, but you actually do incorporate the freedom to engage other choices that may be more efficient.
FRANK: Okay, let me make sure of one thing, then. When you talk about refocusing, re-centering and refocusing, what I think you mean is really rather than being on autopilot, I’m more directly in control and understanding and analyzing and choosing, I guess.
ELIAS: Yes. And recognizing what you are actually doing. In allowing yourself to refocus, you are paying attention to what you are presenting to yourself. You are presenting another individual that is triggering an annoyance and a waste of time. Very well, that is your presentment. Rather than merely generating the automatic response, you are refocusing your attention, in which you are paying attention to what you are presenting to yourself and you also allow yourself to recognize how, in that moment, your attention was distracted and somewhat scattered, and therefore, allowing yourself to evaluate what your direction is and what you value, rather than expressing the automatic response that whatever you were doing was more important than what the other individual is presenting to you. What were you actually doing? What were you actually engaging? Or were you projecting, and in the intensity of your projection of attention and your distraction, did not want to be interrupted? But perhaps the interruption was significant.
FRANK: Yeah, now that I’m thinking about this I’m realizing other times when this has occurred. What if I don’t understand why the interruption was significant? I mean, is it enough to just know that there’s something significant here?
FRANK: Or is the fact that if I really just give it a little more thought that I’ll figure it out?
ELIAS: Both. It is not necessary that you, in the moment, can actually evaluate what the significance of the interruption is, other than, it is significant and that it is an interruption. You shall subsequently offer yourself information concerning that interruption if you are allowing yourself to stop and notice and pay attention to your reaction, your trigger point, and recognizing what was being interrupted and evaluating the significance of that, whether it actually was as valuable and warranted that irritation or not, or whether you were merely caught in your own distraction and wished not be interrupted. But wishing not to be interrupted is not the same as what you necessarily actually want. Many times individuals may be engaging an action that is not as efficient for themselves, and knowing that within your energy, you shall draw some other distraction to you to interrupt the action that you are doing and allow yourself the opportunity to re-evaluate.
FRANK: Okay, but you’ve got to recognize that.
FRANK: Which I’m not doing.
ELIAS: But you can.
FRANK: Yes, I’m sure I can. Okay, the last question on this point, which has been very helpful, so really what we’re coming down to here is I need to find a way to motivate myself to pay attention all the time.
ELIAS: Yes. And that is accomplished through recognizing what you value, what is important to you and what you value in the direction that you are moving in.
FRANK: Okay. I think the only thing that really does motivate me to do that is this whole concept we’ve talked about for five years of being able to—how shall I say it?—consciously control everything that is going on.
ELIAS: And create what you want. And you have generated considerable success in that direction, therefore, you also have offered yourself evidence of your ability and that you can accomplish whatever you want and be successful if you are paying attention, and that is a highly motivating factor with you.
FRANK: Okay, so let’s talk about this. It’s not like what you just said, the part about paying attention gives me the ability to control everything is not something new to me, so why hasn’t it motivated me up to now?
ELIAS: It has.
FRANK: Why hasn’t it motivated me enough?
ELIAS: It has. What you are experiencing now is another facet in which you are presenting to yourself different expressions to be evaluating those.
FRANK: Ah, okay.
ELIAS: Let me express in reminder to you, generating movement within a focus is not an action of attaining to an ultimate goal. It is not the reason that you choose to be physically manifest in this reality. You are not attaining to one state of being in which you move no farther. It is a continuous presentment of exploration and expansion. That is unceasing. You accomplish successes in your processes and you generate success in what you term to be goals of what you want, and once you accomplish one, you begin to generate a new adventure and you move into accomplishing another action, and you generate another success. But this is a continuous action. This is the nature of consciousness, continuously exploring. Conscious is not all knowing. Were that so, it would be stagnant. It is continuously expanding. It is continuously exploring and generating new awarenesses, new information, as are you.
FRANK: Well, I guess I’m just (laughing) impatient.
ELIAS: Which is the theme of this discussion, is it not. (Both laugh.)
FRANK: Yeah, okay, you got me. Well, this is really helpful, but I have so many other things I wanted to ask you about. I tried the imagination exercise. I don’t know that I felt that I was as successful with it as I wanted to be. But I am getting this image of a fish with three bodies, three parallel bodies. Is there such a fish?
ELIAS: That is quite creative. Yes.
FRANK: I don’t know why, but that was what occurred to me.
ELIAS: That may be a playful image to be incorporating.
FRANK: Yes, but I will tell you this—the other thing I must say there were a couple situations where I came up with some pretty creative solutions to issues that—I don’t know that I wouldn’t have done it anyway, but I wondered if this exercise somehow helped with that.
ELIAS: Yes (emphatically). Congratulations. For it allows you to relax your energy and therefore it also allows you more of an openness to your own inspiration and your own creativity, which is present and exists, and is available to you, but many times you become focused in a situation or a direction so singularly that you cannot view other choices.
FRANK: Yeah, it was pretty interesting. It was like with my baseball team. No one wants to be in charge of the team. It’s pretty funny. And several people are trying to get me to do it, but I just choose not to. I came up with the idea that no one should do it; we should just rotate, everyone take a turn doing it, and it looks like that may end up being what they end up doing. It was something that just popped into my head out of the blue, a solution to the problem that looks like it might work for everybody.
FRANK: There was an area where I was very motivated by not wanting to do it. So, it seems to be helpful.
I want to talk to you about Cardelete. She seems much happier lately and our relationship seems much better, really like it was when we first got married. And I want to attribute this to the fact that our children are now all off at college and somehow that’s making her more relaxed. Is that what’s happening?
ELIAS: Yes. For now, in this time framework, she is allowing herself less distraction and paying attention to what she wants more, and also somewhat regaining an appreciation for herself and the other members of her family. It is not uncommon that individuals in continuous interaction and familiarity forget appreciation, but in removing that close proximity and continuous interaction, it allows the individual, once again in a different manner, to refocus and to regain expressions of appreciation that they have forgotten in that continuous familiarity and interaction.
FRANK: It seems it’s been very distinct, very easy to notice, and very welcome. It’s great.
ELIAS: Which also generates more of an ease, for you each, in a manner of speaking, reinforce not merely yourselves, but each other. Just as you can perpetuate conflict by continuing to engage it, you can also perpetuate ease and appreciation and acknowledgement by continuing to engage it.
FRANK: Yes, definitely. Well, it’s been great. It’s been very nice in the midst of all this other impatience I’ve felt.
ELIAS: (Laughs.) Ah, but where would be the spice if you did not generate some type of obstacles for yourself?
FRANK: I agree with that. My new business is proceeding along, and actually it’s just about to launch, and I’m generating a little bit of fear about the future. Can you…
ELIAS: Which is an element of the distraction, which is also associated with the interruptions and the impatience. Move your attention to now. Pay attention to this day. Be efficient and successful and acknowledging of that in this day.
FRANK: Say that again.
ELIAS: Be efficient and successful and acknowledging of that successfulness in this day. And that shall create the success futurely. Be anxious and apprehensive in this day and generate obstacles futurely.
FRANK: Okay. Let me get just a little more specific here. What really concerns me is that I’m spending money rapidly without having even launched this thing yet, and for me that’s just such an unnatural thing and I can be pretty assertive about those sorts of things. Any other type of wisdom regarding that or my feeling about that?
ELIAS: Pay attention to your natural flow of energy. Not to shoulds or should nots, but pay attention to your natural flow of energy, and notice situations or actions and time frameworks in which you deviate from that. For as you deviate from your natural flow of energy, you change your energy. In moving in a direction of creating what you want, notice when you present yourself with shoulds or should nots, and evaluate that in association with your natural flow of energy.
Incorporating this as an example, if you are an individual that naturally moves in the direction of trusting your ability to generate money, and, therefore, you do not restrict yourself with money, and you allow yourself more of an expression of freedom in association with money naturally, and you begin to restrict yourself and not allow yourself the freedom that is your natural flow, you shall begin to present obstacles to yourself for you are changing your natural flow of energy. Conversely, if you are an individual that incorporates beliefs that it is more efficient to incorporate prudence and that generates more of a comfort, which allows you to express your own freedom more effectively, for you are not generating worry concerning money, and you begin to move into a direction in which you view yourself to be interacting with money in either a frivolous manner or a should or should not manner, that changes the energy, also, and begins to generate challenges and obstacles.
It is a matter of recognizing your own beliefs and your own natural flow of energy. It is not right or wrong to be conservative with money, to be prudent with money, or to be extravagant with money. It is merely a matter of the individual, the individual’s beliefs, and their personality.
FRANK: Okay, well, let me stop you there. I think that I may be in transition between…I think if you were to have asked me that question ten years ago, I would say there’s no question, as far as I’m concerned, conservative is the way to go, that’s what works for me. I’m not so sure any more. Sometimes I think, and largely because of what we’ve done here and the fact that I think I have created more freedom for myself, that now I sort of have one foot on one side of the divide and another foot on the other side. Do you agree with that?
ELIAS: Yes. I would be in agreement with that—to an extent, to an extent. It is not quite that black and white. You are allowing yourself much more freedom and much more flexibility, but you also continue to incorporate some beliefs associated with prudence, which is not bad. It is your guideline, and that is acceptable. In this, what I am expressing to you as what is important is to recognize that, to recognize that you can be offering yourself much more freedom and flexibility and allowing yourself not to be incorporating such rigidness in association with money, but also acknowledge that you do incorporate certain beliefs in your own guidelines that it is your preference in some respects to be incorporating some prudence.
FRANK: I need to realize both of those.
ELIAS: Yes. And this is the reason that it is important that you are evaluating your natural flow of energy, which you are, and also recognize whether you are being responsive to shoulds and should nots, or not. That is the snare.
FRANK: I think right now the biggest should not is “don’t spend too much of other people’s money.”
ELIAS: And what is your intuition expressing to you.
FRANK: The best thing I can do right now is to spend their money. The best thing for everybody.
ELIAS: I would suggest that you listen to that voice.
FRANK: Yeah, I kind of already decided that, but I appreciate the reinforcement. Yeah, that seems clear to me, because I guess what I sort of decided is, whether they’re happy or unhappy now, the only thing that really matters is whether they’re happy or unhappy in the long run, and really what matters to me is to make myself happy, which will make them happy.
ELIAS: Correct, which this is the direction that you are moving in.
FRANK: I guess deep down I really do have pretty strong faith in what I’m doing and what the ultimate results will be. I really think it’s more will it happen sooner or will it happen later, and of course, naturally being impatient, I want it to be sooner.
ELIAS: (Laughs.) And perhaps if you are addressing to this impatience, you actually shall create it sooner rather than later.
FRANK: Well, there’s some motivation right there.
FRANK: Okay, let me run a few things by you because we’re real short on time. I’m having a little trouble negotiating office space and trying to determine what’s behind all that.
ELIAS: And what is your assessment?
FRANK: Probably what we’ve just been talking about, just the fear of a long term financial commitment, which goes against this long-standing tendency toward prudence with money.
ELIAS: And also I may suggest to you that you evaluate what the significance or the value of the space is.
FRANK: Can you elaborate on that?
ELIAS: In evaluating what you are genuinely expressing to yourself, and in paying attention to your own hesitation, it may be significant for you to evaluate what the actual value of incorporating a specific space of that manner actually is, in this now.
FRANK: In other words, maybe it’s not as valuable as I objectively think it is?
ELIAS: Presently, and that it is not necessary for you to push and rush, which is another expression of impatience.
FRANK: Well, my existing lease is up in three months, so…
ELIAS: And much can occur in that time framework.
FRANK: Well, okay. You definitely have me confused now.
ELIAS: (Chuckles.) In not generating impatience, you may surprise yourself, which you are quite adept at.
FRANK: Well, but just from an objective point of view, this is the sort of thing where it probably takes three months just to pull off a move like this, so…to me, this isn’t a case of being impatient. Actually, when I think about it, I haven’t moved fast enough on it. I’ve really waited pretty much to the last minute.
ELIAS: And what is your assessment of what you are presenting to yourself in this situation?
FRANK: I just don’t know. I’ve been overwhelmed with so many different things in so many areas. Actually I’m kind of doing everything right when it needs to be done, because it’s about the only way I can deal with it all.
ELIAS: And perhaps that is an element of this, in a manner of speaking, pushing yourself into the now.
FRANK: Okay, coming back to this, are you suggesting that I should look for alternatives or just sort of sit around and wait to see what happens?
ELIAS: Generate an openness to different possibilities, and also generate an openness to different possibilities with the situation that already exists. Being open, knowing that there are more than two choices. Just as you surprised yourself with your solution to the situation with your team, that being a different choice than the either-or. There are other choices in this situation also. Allow yourself a time framework to evaluate what is important and valuable to you.
ELIAS: And continue with your imagination exercise.
FRANK: Ah, okay. I have so many other things to talk to you about, but we’re pretty well out of time here. One last quick question—when was the last time I created a probable self?
ELIAS: And your impression?
FRANK: Last June.
ELIAS: More recently.
ELIAS: In association with your ex-partner.
FRANK: Really? How long ago?
ELIAS: Approximately two of your months.
FRANK: How many? Two?
FRANK: Okay, well, was that where we could have had a very sort of contentious breakup, but instead we didn’t?
ELIAS: That was one. And also, one in which you engaged another solution, so to speak, and are continuing as partners.
FRANK: Oh, really? Wow. Well, that’s interesting. Well, he can have it. I’m happy the way I am.
ELIAS: Which is the reason that it is a probable reality. (Laughs.)
FRANK: Yeah, I know. Okay, well, that’s very interesting. Okay, maybe we’ll talk more about that next time. Too bad we’re out of time, but it was a great session.
ELIAS: And I shall be anticipating our next discussion.
FRANK: Okay, take care.
ELIAS: And in the interim time framework, I shall be offering my energy to you in playfulness and in encouragement in all of your new directions.
FRANK: Thank you.
ELIAS: To you as always, my friend, in tremendous affection and appreciation, au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 5 minutes.
©2011 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.