Thursday, October 21, 2005 (Private)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Terri (Uliva)

(Elias’ arrival time is 17 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good afternoon!

TERRI: Good afternoon, Elias.

ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?

TERRI: Many things! I’ve had an amazing couple of weeks, starting with my bike ride of 100 miles. Even though the weather was so bad, it was a struggle, but it wasn’t as much of a struggle as I thought it could have been. So when I was done with that, I felt like I could really just accomplish anything.

ELIAS: Congratulations.

TERRI: Yeah, that was really cool. Then I created seeing Kenny, finally, and I was kind of wondering if that was connected with my relationship with Jeff. Because it seems like all the time that we spent together, I kept comparing it all the way back to the relationship with Kenny. I just had this feeling that I needed to get answers from Kenny to be able to move forward.

ELIAS: And this is your method.

TERRI: To go back and get answers to go forward?

ELIAS: And what did you accomplish?

TERRI: Well I couldn’t have created that meeting any better, I don’t think. And of course, you were right, even though she answered the door, since I had no energy of threat she barely said a word. So, that worked out perfectly. Basically, I created him telling me everything I’ve wanted to hear for 20 years. I just felt such a change in my energy, knowing that somebody had loved me and that it was possible that I could create that again. Because for 20 years I’ve held onto this thought that nobody ever loved me and why would they. It’s like I can finally put that behind me.

ELIAS: And allow yourself your own freedom and permission to express yourself and to appreciate yourself.

TERRI: It was amazing, because after that, I’ve noticed from other people more signs of affection, I guess because I’m more open to it.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: The whole thing with Jeff this last week... I was wondering, the poem that I wrote, was I picking up correct impressions from him, or was that more just me making up things, saying that he was trying to use mind over matter regarding us, because he was trying to fight being involved with me because of his divorce? He wanted to, but didn’t want to let himself do that because he wanted to take some time. Was that a correct impression?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: So, I think that I found the danger zone (laughs), but I’m so proud of myself because I think I fixed it. By the time I left yesterday, he had come all the way back around and said, “I still want to see you and I’m thinking of you.” I was glad that it was that volatile, because I learned so much from it in the past week. I learned recognizing his energy, paying attention to my energy and then changing it, being able to change it and see immediate results.

ELIAS: And recognizing that you incorporate choices and that you can create what you want without pushing.

TERRI: Right. So that was pretty amazing!

ELIAS: I am acknowledging of you.

TERRI: I know before I would have just said I’ve ruined that, and I would have never talked to him again instead of really trying to pay attention and change it around.

ELIAS: And continue rather than retreating.

TERRI: And running. (Laughs) The redefinition of just having it defined as friends with benefits, at least it’s defined. I always say I have a need to know. Does that come from being Sumari or common or just being me?

ELIAS: Common.

TERRI: That’s from common, we have a need to know. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as I know what it is.

ELIAS: I am understanding. It also is associated with you individually and your personality, and that provides you with a sense of comfort and safety if you are generating clarity.

TERRI: And then I can move on. It also gave me, I guess, permission to let go of... I didn’t need to worry about creating a relationship or a love relationship or whatever it was, that I could just enjoy what it was, now that I knew what it was.

ELIAS: And allow yourself to relax and not push, attempting to attain, but rather appreciating what you are creating and acknowledging that in the moment in the experiences. Which creates much more easily what you want.

TERRI: That was a whirlwind, but it was really fascinating to watch it come all the way back around. Even with all of the crying — I felt like I just cried for a week — but it was like I created that because I knew that I would come out of the crying thing okay. I knew that that was my process, that that was a hint that I was going to get something. I just needed to let it run its process. I kept holding on to the thought of you saying when you create something that appears negative, it’s not. That kind of let me relax and get through it.

ELIAS: And not oppose yourself, which I am most greatly acknowledging of.

TERRI: It’s been an amazing couple weeks.

What is the deal with falling in the shower and all the bruises I created? They were pretty impressive. I thought that part of it had to do with the bike ride, because the last time I did a bike ride that I was nervous about, I created a problem with my knee. I thought maybe that was part of it, trying to create something that would allow me to back out of it if I wanted to, but not.

ELIAS: But also challenge yourself, challenging yourself in recognizing your hesitation and your automatic association that you cannot accomplish — your automatic response to yourself in discounting yourself — but also in creating a small hurdle for yourself to acknowledge your accomplishment.

TERRI: I did recognize that, and I went back to I’m doing what I did before and it’s gonna be okay. It wasn’t really a factor. Even when I fell off my bike, my impression is I created that because the girl had just fallen off, and it’s like you created this to have one more challenge that you can say you overcame that day.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I was really impressed that I really didn’t get hurt as bad as I could have, and it didn’t screw up my bike to prevent me from going on. It was like I wanted to have a medal from the day.

ELIAS: Yes, and I am acknowledging of your recognition, that you were paying attention and noticing and that you were actually acknowledging yourself rather than discounting yourself.

TERRI: I could easily have gone that way. But I just couldn’t believe that nine hours how quick it went by. I didn’t get caught up with how hard this is; I just kept doing it one piece at a time. It was just amazing. It worked out great.

Back to the health issues, the doctor called and said you’ve got this disease and the only way to fix this is to have a hysterectomy, which I didn’t automatically jump to. I didn’t really buy into that. When I was researching it, it said that you could have this and not have any symptoms. Since I’ve been trying the relaxation exercises it’s gotten much, much better. So, I’m still believing I can just stop that altogether, if I just keep doing... Is it just the relaxation exercises, or is there something else I can add to them?

ELIAS: You can. Pay attention to your body consciousness, listen to it and allow yourself in that paying attention to also be responsive. What you are already doing is generating affectingness in relaxing and in also generating these acknowledgments of yourself and appreciating yourself. You are generating a very different energy, which your body consciousness shall be responsive to.

TERRI: When I had pulled my back and sunburned my back, you were saying that that part of your body is supportiveness. What part of the body is the female organs? Is that just femaleness?

ELIAS: Partially; also nurturing and gentleness. Therefore, if you are listening to the communication of your physical body consciousness and you are being responsive, that shall alter what the body consciousness is creating in its communication. If you are generating a genuine nurturing with yourself and gentleness with yourself, which you are already beginning, as you continue that shall also be effective.

TERRI: Is it also tied in to nurturing toward my kids and Jeff, the relationship with him? Is it nurturing regarding everything or just me?

ELIAS: Both.

TERRI: Because I’m not nurturing toward my kids. I haven’t made as much progress in that area as I think I have in everything else now. It feels like everything else is moving, but I’m still stuck there. My youngest son, the things that in my perception he is lying about, does he honestly believe in his head that he’s done these things, like my laundry that he didn’t do? Did he really believe that he did it, or is he just lying?

ELIAS: Lying is an interesting subject, for it is associated with the belief of honesty, and honesty is an interesting belief and quite NOT absolute, for this also involves perception.

It is, I am aware, easier to define certain expressions or behaviors if you express to yourself that the individual believes what they are expressing. That generates a black and white for you, and therefore, it is easier to accept. But it is not black and white. It is not necessarily a matter of what the individual believes. It is a matter of what they are expressing. But that also can be somewhat tricky, for in their perception they may be expressing verbally in one direction, and their perception may be in alignment with that or it may not. It is more a question of motivation rather than absolutes.

In this, once again what creates the conflict is your automatic response to be focusing your attention upon him and concerning yourself with what he is doing or choosing, rather than holding your attention upon you and paying attention to your choices. In paying attention and concerning yourself with him, you allow him to dictate to you your choices, for you wait and respond rather than choosing yourself.

TERRI: So, my perception that I am choosing, I thought I was working on that by saying pay attention to yourself, what do you want? I want him to feed the dog...

ELIAS: No, no. This is your key; this is your trigger. Each time you hear yourself express, “What do I want? I want HIM to do...” No. That is an expectation. What do YOU want, not what do you want from the other individual.

TERRI: So, I want the dog fed, but I want him to do it.

ELIAS: Which, once again, is the expectation.

TERRI: Well, I’m having a big problem understanding this, because it’s the same thing with the condition of the house. I don’t know why I’m having such a block. I guess because they’re right there in the house. I seem to be getting this with other people, but I keep thinking that they’re directing the condition of my house. How do I fix that by paying attention to myself? I can’t get past this. I keep hearing you say you can hold a preference for a clean house until the end of time but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get it.

ELIAS: If you are generating expectations. For, you are concentrating upon the other individuals and generating expectations of their behavior. What are you doing? You are expressing a threat. Expectation is received and perceived as threat; threat is opposition. If you are opposing, you shall reflect opposing. Therefore, you generate the expectation and what occurs? You receive opposition, for YOU are expressing opposition to begin with.

If you are paying attention to you and your energy and generating cooperation, not opposing, you shall also reflect cooperation — not compromise, not acquiescing, but cooperating, and cooperation does not require agreement.

TERRI: I think I’ve generated more acquiescing with Curtis, because I’ve just given up that he’s going to do anything.

ELIAS: And therefore you acquiesce or you compromise.

TERRI: With him, but with the other one I just flat out, it’s just about...

ELIAS: Oppose.

TERRI: Yeah, oppose. But neither of ‘em’s working!

ELIAS: They are both actions of opposing. They are different actions of opposing, but they are both opposing.

TERRI: And generate the same result.

ELIAS: Correct.

TERRI: As you continue to oppose, this is what you continue to reflect. This is the reason that it is important that you are paying attention to your energy and allowing...

TERRI: I know what it is. It’s an energy of anger and being irritated and frustrated 24/7. I hear you saying cooperation, but I don’t know how to switch over to it or get there or... It seems like it’s on the other side of this bridge and the bridge is missing.

ELIAS: Let us incorporate an example. Rather than you expressing an instruction with the expectation “feed the dog,” generate a participation: We shall feed the dog together. You are interacting; you are not opposing; you are not expecting; you are participating. Therefore, you generate more of an energy of cooperation.

TERRI: Which is what we do more with the ferrets, because it takes two of us.

ELIAS: Yes. In issuing orders, you are opposing, and you receive opposing reflection. In generating participation, you are cooperating. Not cooperating with the underlying expectation of “I shall generate this action once, and subsequently I shall continue to expect you to engage this action yourself,” but to genuinely move in actions that initiate cooperation — not waiting for them to create an energy of cooperation, for they shall not until you alter your energy and you actively begin to participate in cooperating.

TERRI: Which also probably feeds his need for attention. I get the impression that a lot of this is attention oriented, that he doesn’t feel like he gets any attention so he acts up to get it.

ELIAS: Which generates more conflict, and the manner in which you interrupt that is to cooperate and acknowledge.

TERRI: Hopefully eventually he’s going to do something, either get a job or go to school. That conflict with him doing nothing, is that still because I’m not giving him attention? I know that’s my perception, that he’s doing nothing.

ELIAS: He is opposing, for you are opposing. That is the point. If you stop opposing and if you begin generating cooperation, that creates an atmosphere of encouragement, rather than a continuous environment of discounting.

TERRI: So, I need to find something to appreciate about him, too, probably.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I keep going back to he’s just like his father, and it’s not getting me anywhere.

ELIAS: If you continue to dwell in that perception, you continue to discount the other individual and you continue to express an opposing energy yourself, which also discounts you, for it does not allow you to accomplish what you want.

TERRI: I’ll try it. The participation thing will help, but I just couldn’t figure out how to get around it.

So, by going to see Kenny, did I alter the last 20 years myself? After talking to him, my perception changed about our relationship. Did that in effect alter...?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: He’s got this memory of how our relationship ended that I don’t remember at all, so I’m wondering if he created that or...?

ELIAS: Yes. Differences in perception, which is differences in reality, and they are quite real.

TERRI: It wasn’t something I forgot; he just created an entirely different ending to it.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: Did he create that to deal with it better or...?

ELIAS: That is the manner in which he created the reality.

TERRI: Regarding that, way back when I was trying to still get in touch with him, I asked if I could write him a letter and would he read it, and you said that would be his choice. With Jeff too, I don’t quite understand. If I’m creating my reality and I want to create seeing him two times a week, but you’re saying he has a choice, how does that work together?

ELIAS: In the same manner that you created one outcome in the previous relationship and the other individual created it entirely different. You can create what you want, and there is a possibility that the other individual may be participating but may be creating an entirely different scenario.

Generally speaking, for the most part, you create in cooperation with each other, and therefore, your perceptions are very similar. But it is possible that you can create one reality and the individual that you are participating with is creating an entirely different reality, which you have offered yourself an example of and which is not a matter of memory. It is a matter of what each of you actually created.

TERRI: Since all this has been going on in the last two weeks, I’ve felt a new surge of creativeness in writing all the poetry. That’s the person I remember from when I was back with Kenny. Was that a merging of a probable self from back then, or did I just trigger a new creativity or...?

ELIAS: Generating an association and rediscovering an old new appreciation.

TERRI: I was wondering if it was like a probable self had split off back then and did end up marrying him.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I also wanted to ask about taking vitamins and supplements. Seth had told Jane for a period of time to take them, but then you’ve said you can pretty much put anything into your body and it’s based on your beliefs. I don’t remember her really having beliefs that vitamins would do anything for her. Is it just a person’s belief that if you take these things they’ll work or...?

ELIAS: All that you do, all that you create, is filtered through your beliefs. But in accordance with that, your body consciousness also responds. Therefore, you may incorporate some expressed beliefs that you are not actually paying attention to or that you are not objectively aware of, for they are expressed in certain manners that are quite automatic.

In that, at times if it is associated with your physical body consciousness, your body consciousness may communicate to you in different manners to be incorporating certain substances, certain supplements, certain foods, for it is responding to your beliefs and it is communicating to you what is efficient and what is beneficial.

Therefore, it is not as black and white as an individual incorporating or believing that vitamins are some supplement that promotes health or not. It is a matter of listening to your body consciousness and being responsive to that, knowing that in relation to your beliefs concerning your physical health, your body, your energy, your body consciousness knows what those expressed beliefs are even if you don’t objectively identify them, and it shall communicate to you. It is merely a matter of you paying attention and responding. If you are considering incorporating different vitamins, you may be being urged.

TERRI: I’ll go through periods and then I’ll start forgetting to take them. So then, pretty much just pay attention to that, that you took them long enough for what you needed.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: How about things like acupuncture or massage? Does it kind of work the same way?

ELIAS: It is most effective in association with you — if you are choosing to incorporate these types of actions, knowing that you are actually manipulating the energy and you are actually creating whatever desired affectingness that occurs, but you are incorporating this as a method for it is an encouraging manner to be incorporating the supportiveness of another individual that merges their energy with yours.

As I have expressed many times previously, as you incorporate the energy of another individual, you increase your strength to accomplish. The more individuals that you incorporate in cooperation in a particular direction, that collective energy generates more strength to each individual. Therefore, you can accomplish easier. Not that you cannot accomplish individually, but with the collective energy offering more strength, you can accomplish what you are doing more easily than you would individually.

You can also not necessarily be objectively aware that you are generating the movement of energy, and you are incorporating this other individual as a method to be supportive and to be strengthening to you. You can actually merely incorporate the belief that seeking helpfulness from another individual shall accomplish what you want, for they know what they are doing. It matters not; in either perception you are actually DOING the same action.

TERRI: Because I was wondering if acupuncture would help with the health issues.

ELIAS: That is quite possible. What is the most significant is to be evaluating your beliefs, not opposing them, acknowledging them. In that also, genuinely evaluating your beliefs, for many times individuals do incorporate expressed beliefs concerning healing actions or medical practices, but they also disagree with their own beliefs.

Therefore, an individual may incorporate the belief that engaging physicians is helpful, for they incorporate a knowledge of the mechanics of the physical body and they know how to fix it, but that same individual may disagree with their own belief.

TERRI: I think that they’re just guessing. I felt I had to go to the doctor to try to get some answers to what’s going on, but then on the other hand I also believe that they’re just guessing a lot of the time as to what can fix it.

ELIAS: I am understanding. It is a matter of not discounting any of your avenues that you present to yourself and not opposing your beliefs, recognizing that whatever method you choose, YOU are creating. Whether it be to engage massage, whether it be to engage acupuncture or a medical physician matters not, for you are actually creating all of these different avenues as your method. Regardless of what you choose, any of the other individuals are not generating the identification or the cure; you are. It is just a matter of which avenue you choose and knowing not to be opposing of your own beliefs.

You can experiment with many different avenues, but remember within that experimentation, you are not spiting another avenue.

TERRI: You’re just basically trying to be aware of which one you have more ease of creating with.

ELIAS: Correct, and which generates more in keeping with your preference.

TERRI: I read somewhere you said that once you start getting these things, it’s like a ball that’s been pushed over the edge, and as it rolls down hill and gains momentum, you start getting things easier. I feel like this last week I pushed it over the edge finally. Would that be a fair assessment?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I felt a lot different when I’m able to pay attention. When I’m talking to somebody, I’m really paying attention to what they’re reflecting back. I’m noticing a lot more harmony in what I’m thinking and what they’re reflecting. That’s kind of cool.

ELIAS: And quite validating.

TERRI: I want to ask you about a dream I had last night. I’m trying to remember, when I go to sleep, to give myself the thought that I’d like to speak to my father. I had a dream last night that I was talking to him and we began fighting. I pulled out a knife and then he pulled out a knife that had a towel over it, and he wanted to go in a different room. That wasn’t quite the interaction I was looking for! I was wondering what that was about.

ELIAS: But also allowing somewhat, not entirely, of a clearing. Allowing a clearing of associations and denied feelings that may be expressed in what you assess a safe environment and generate no actual physical affectingness. In generating the opposition and the allowance for that opposition, you allow yourself to move into more of an acceptance, in which thusly you can generate a more amiable interaction.

TERRI: So the opposition is regarding my relationship with him when he was alive?

ELIAS: Yes. Allowing yourself also to be generating that expression of clearing subsequent to his disengagement and those expressions that you squelched.

TERRI: Was that another side effect from interacting with Kenny?

ELIAS: Allowing you to generate more of an openness.

TERRI: I also wanted to ask about my allergies and sneezing all the time. When I got here I started sneezing, and then all last night I was sneezing. It was like I was allergic to Vermont! I’ve been trying in the last few years to work with the allergies and try to discover the beliefs behind them, to make them stop. I always sneeze seven times, and I was trying to look at that, like I liked the attention I got from that when I was younger, and trying to say you don’t need that attention anymore and let it go. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night sneezing, so I was wondering what that is about.

ELIAS: It may be associated with different expressions in different times, in different locations or situations. In this situation, it is more associated with somewhat of a hesitancy. You express an excitement of participating here with myself and with these individuals, but you also incorporate somewhat of a hesitancy in doubting whether you shall be genuinely accepted or whether they shall notice the alteration that you notice with yourself. Therefore, that generates somewhat of an apprehension. Not extreme, but enough that you generate this type of physical response.

TERRI: It’s kind of like the excitement and apprehension with Jeff, too. It just comes out in a different way. With him, I disconnect the phone calls, and here it comes out in a different way.

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: I can tell a difference between New Orleans, Chicago and here. When we were in Chicago, KC was there but barely made eye contact with me, but here it was completely different and I was immediately accepted. Is that mainly because of the things I’ve gone through since Chicago and became more open?

ELIAS: Yes.

TERRI: My perception is that the people that are drawn here are also very different. I’m paying attention to accepting them as who they are and not what they look like, without judgment. I’m looking at it more now as an exercise with the experience. In New Orleans, I just wanted to run from everybody, because they were so different.

ELIAS: You are incorporating this more as a practice of paying attention to you rather than generating automatic responses and paying attention to other individuals.

TERRI: Which does give you a lot more freedom. I can tell a big difference.

I wanted to ask you about numbers. Last time you said that one was yourself, three was balance. I assume two is a couple? What the number two means is like a partnering?

ELIAS: It can, but also remember that this number three is the balance itself, for it is gentleness, playfulness and strength, which create balance.

TERRI: The playfulness, I’ve been trying to send Jeff energy in a playful manner. He’s got this little tee in his car and I’ve been trying to do things with that. Has he picked up on that? Is that working? Is there another way to do it?

ELIAS: Not entirely. He is not paying attention.

TERRI: But from what I’m doing, that is a playful nature, right? I’m trying to be more playful.

ELIAS: This shall also be an element in association with your cooperation. For rather than incorporating actions as chores, in participating and cooperating you can generate these actions that would be perceived as chores as a game and allow yourself to creatively generate these actions. Be imaginative!

TERRI: I’m working on that.

ELIAS: There are playful actions that you can incorporate even in an action as mundane as feeding the dog.

TERRI: It’s just remembering. I’m so directed that that’s a chore. I have to remember to let some of that in.

ELIAS: Generate a game. Perhaps you shall incorporate a cooperation and participate in feeding the dog and coloring its food. Which is not harmful to the dog, but engages an action in a different manner and allows you to actively participate in a cooperative fun action, rather than a chore.

TERRI: Last time, you were saying something about that I was trying to expose myself but didn’t really understand what that was: “I was attempting to allow myself exposure but not quite understanding what it means.” I want to ask what it means.

ELIAS: Exposure is the genuine allowance of yourself to express and to generate openness.

TERRI: Would that be in the poetry?

ELIAS: Yes, but to engage this in all directions, allowing yourself to participate without hesitation and generating a genuine comfort within yourself in the acceptance of yourself, that it is not necessary for you to generate hidden elements of yourself, that what you want to express you can allow, and you can receive.

Receiving is a difficult expression for many individuals, for it is strongly associated with religious beliefs, that receiving is bad and selfish. But receiving is important, for you cannot genuinely create in intimacy if you do not allow receiving.

TERRI: Which is what I did with Jeff, because before I would have just walked away. I wouldn’t have generated that whole conversation with him answering the email. I would have generated him not answering at all.

ELIAS: To offer yourself the door in which you would continue responding.

TERRI: My car got stuck. I looked at that as an exercise in trusting myself, because I got stuck in that same field and knew that I could get out on my own. I just stood there knowing that I could do this and waiting for a sign, and then I heard the equipment beep. They hadn’t been there in forever, so I looked at as I generated that as an exercise in trusting myself.

ELIAS: Trust, yes.

TERRI: That was interesting, because you have to remind yourself to trust yourself.

ELIAS: At times. It is unfamiliar, and at times you may require reminding yourself.

TERRI: I’m really happy, and I think I’ve made amazing progress in the last couple of weeks.

ELIAS: I am greatly acknowledging of you and encouraging of you to continue. Remember cooperation. I shall be offering my energy to you in supportiveness, for I am aware of the challenge. I shall be anticipating of our next meeting and your progress report, and perhaps it shall be as interesting of a progress report as this meeting. In great appreciation and tremendous lovingness to you, au revoir.

TERRI: Au revoir.

Elias departs after 58 minutes.

©2010 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.