Thursday, September 22, 2005 (Private/In Person)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Sabine (Sariah)

(Elias’ arrival time is 24 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good morning!

SABINE: Oh, good morning!

ELIAS: Welcome!

SABINE: Welcome! Thank you!

ELIAS: Now, what shall we discuss?

SABINE: What shall we discuss! That’s the question I was asking myself all the time, and I posed that to you. I know you realize that I get the answer immediately, so there is almost nothing left; but it might be nice to have something on the record to listen to, and that is why I am sitting here. I do have a few issues, and maybe I start with my most appreciated sentence that popped up lately, which is “Paradise is not boring without shit.” I want to hear myself saying this on this recording! (Both laugh)

I was wondering maybe I can say those other sentences as well. The first one is from two or three years ago; I don’t remember. This is the translation: “If we knew what was true, wonders would grow out of wounds.” It became smaller this year. I talked to a friend, Chris, and it came out “Wonders grow out of wounds,” and I love that. I knew I was in the process to experience that. A lot of wounds popped up and a lot of difficulties and tears and pain. Then I felt better with this balancing exercise and with this talking to you. When I was afraid to death, it was like I had a session. I got the answers. Then one morning, on a big piece of paper I wrote “Shit happens. Period. How boring would paradise be without!” and that was okay. I felt okay. Now I know, and I write it on postcards and send them over to Germany, “Paradise is not boring without shit!” (Both laugh) That’s what I’m into. (Pause) You don’t want to make any comment? Okay. (Elias laughs)

For the record, Sariah, my name?

ELIAS: Of essence name?

SABINE: Ja.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Shariah or Sariah?

ELIAS: Sariah. (SAH ree uh)

SABINE: So S-A-R-I-A-H?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Tumold/Sumari?

ELIAS: Correct.

SABINE: Orientation soft?

ELIAS: Correct.

SABINE: Basic color red, almost black?

ELIAS: Yes, dark crimson.

SABINE: Dark crimson? I’ve never heard that, but I may find it somewhere. And the actual color is like this turquoise, like this blue-green? That’s why I bought these earrings here.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Maybe I start with a relationship issue, which I think I understand because we talked about it, but there is still a kind of weird feeling. I talked about it with Lynda last night already, and she wasn’t quite sure whether this issue is coming from me or from the other person.

So, I would like to talk about my relationship with Chris. I want to start when we met, when I saw this man. I came to his place and I stayed, and the first thing that popped up in me was “Saba.” I talked to a friend, and it came “Queen of Saba,” and I had the feeling he was my Solomon. I read about the legend of those two people, and I thought there might be something. He was behaving in a way that I do not appreciate when it comes up, but it always turns out that I think he is the wisest person in the world, because what he does to me takes me further. So, I kicked myself out of his apartment, and he never talked to me at all again. I wrote him several mails without expecting him to answer. But still, I guess, I was expecting. I was expecting and I was pushing, but I couldn’t handle that in a different way. I sent him a ticket to come with me to Vermont. Until the last minute, until I asked the stewardess is Mr. K here in this plane, I was not sure whether he was or not. I was released when she said he is not. Now I know I had to do this trip all by myself, to get to know myself better and not with anybody else. This is my point of view.

On the other hand, we have this Hölderlin focus going on? Is that still influencing?

ELIAS: No.

SABINE: It’s not. Is there any other focus? I think I know him for hundreds, hundreds, tons of years, and we have been married before.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: I am not sure whether we just met for seeing each other once in this focus and we’ll have another focus together again, but this has been it, I’ll never see him in this physical focus again — which would make me feel very sad — or whether there is another possibility of a relationship with him that I could hold on for, when it is convenient to him. Because he told me he feels his throat — I don’t know how to say that in English — his throat is threatened when I’m around. Would you please, could you please, say some words?

ELIAS: First of all, you draw individuals to yourself purposefully, and you draw specific individuals to yourself in any time framework that will precisely reflect to you what you are expressing, what you are projecting in energy. In recognizing that, you present yourself with the opportunity to become more intimately familiar with yourself and with what type of energy you express.

Individuals experience feeling threatened if they are receiving an energy from another individual of expectation. Expectation automatically presents an energy of threat. Therefore, generally speaking, most individuals generate automatic responses to that type of energy and push, and project an opposing energy in noncompliance. Dependent upon the type of energy that you are projecting, that opposition may be stronger or less. It is associated with what you are expressing. This is the most significant: recognizing and becoming familiar with self, with your preferences, with your guidelines and with what you want.

You do create all of your reality, even in association with other individuals. Therefore, in expressing a clarity in what you want, you can create that. I may express to you, it is possible to create a relationship with this individual, but that is dependent upon you and whether you are generating a clarity in what you want. When I express to you “a clarity in what you want,” I am not expressing what you want from the other individual. For if you are moving in the direction of what you want from the other individual, you are expressing expectation.

Rather, what I am expressing to you is identifying what you want to express, what type of energy you want to be generating: offering an energy of freely expressing yourself in many different manners in association with your preferences and generating an energy of cooperation, appreciation and cooperation, not compromise, not competition, not acquiescing, but also generating appreciation for the other individual’s guidelines as you do your own, holding to your own, holding to your own truths, knowing that they are associated with your preferences, they are your guidelines, and therefore, they are not to be compromised but also not opposing another individual’s guidelines. In this, if you are genuinely projecting an energy of appreciation of you, that automatically alters your energy, and that type of energy becomes calming and attractive. Individuals are automatically attracted to any type of appreciated energy.

It is significant also, in discovering what you want, to generate a clarity, understanding what motivates a particular want. For at times, individuals think they want a particular manifestation, but that is being influenced by certain beliefs that they incorporate or certain issues that they may be expressing. An individual may be generating an issue in association with confidence and create a struggle within themselves, and in that struggle, they may draw themselves to another individual that shall reflect their own struggle. They may think that they want to incorporate a relationship with that individual, for they themselves are attracted to the reflection, but also not. They are attracted to their own reflection, but they are also repelled. Therefore, there is struggle in the relationship, and there is conflict and opposition. But even that conflict and opposition reinforces the individual’s issue, and this is the reason that they generate that.

SABINE: May I ask something?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Is that within this sentence this man wrote to me? “I feel lost with you; I don’t feel myself anymore. It feels nice, but it seems to be dangerous.” Is that what happened later on, that he tried to get himself in control again, and that made these interruptions, those things happened when I did not know what was going on, and at the end, I ended up discounting myself, and that threw me out of his place?

ELIAS: Yes. But what is significant is that you allow yourself to recognize what you were doing within yourself and the lack of clarity within yourself and the uncertainty within yourself.

SABINE: That was a mirror.

ELIAS: In generating that uncertainty, rather than retreating within, what you projected was a strong energy of defense. Defense energy is always opposing. Therefore, in you shielding and expressing this energy of defense in strength, that projects a strong opposing energy, regardless of what you think. The energy that you project is one of opposition, and this is the reason that the other individual retreats. For this becomes very threatening, and may even feel to the other individual suffocating.

SABINE: I don’t know that word “suffocating.” Can you explain?

ELIAS: Not incorporating the ability to breathe.

SABINE: Oh, yes. My mother cannot breathe — is that the same?

ELIAS: Choking. Not literally, the individual shall not incorporate that feeling physically, literally, but may express to you that they are experiencing a type of feeling as if they are being choked or strangled.

It is important to be aware of your own apprehension, your own fears, your own hesitations, for those are expressions that you are discounting yourself. When you are discounting yourself, you create scenarios in which you draw specific individuals to you and shall be discounting of you also to reflect that to you. But it is also quite purposeful, for that offers you the ability to know what you are generating. If you are aware, you can alter that. If you are not aware, how can you alter that? Therefore, it is beneficial, although it may not be comfortable.

SABINE: Yes. It is very interesting that after I got off the plane about ten days ago and after a night where I was just not right there yet, this journey became a miracle. It’s like the wonders start to happen to me, and this pain of seeing this beauty and being here and meeting people, I haven’t been in this kind of ease... I was in very much ease lately, the last six weeks in Germany, and I appreciate and I acknowledge myself for having done really well. This question to get clear about what I want, that was the issue since three, four, five, all my life. That was the issue when I left my hometown in May, because I realized that I gave everybody the opportunity, the allowance to do what they want, but I did not do it. So, I started. I started, and it became the process.

Within this process, I met this man who mirrored so clearly that I wasn’t clear at all, and to get out was the process, the beginning of “Get it done! You’ve got to know yourself; what do you want to do?” Here it became more and more easy. I’m much more aware of when I have to move instead of waiting. I have been waiting, and waiting and expecting is wonderful — I don’t want to say it in a discounting way — it’s wonderful, because, since I don’t do it anymore, I know the difference between the energy.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: It is wonderful to feel it right away. Now when I’m doing it, I can stop it immediately. I can immediately go on again and turn the other way and move.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: That’s what I learned. You said there is nothing to learn...

ELIAS: I understand.

SABINE: ...but it is the most wonderful experience to get to know the point where this expectation starts.

I am in a place now, I am in Bristol, in the most beautiful surroundings with everything I’ve ever dreamed of and with a man I’ve known for 2000 years. The first thing I asked him was what do you think, what kind of experience did we have together, and he said we were missionaries in Africa. I think I can express myself there more freely than I ever gave myself the opportunity to before. I got a big lesson two nights ago with this guy, who mirrored me, about what kind of energy it is if a person is in need and if a person is expecting and waiting and what then happens. I am so grateful for this meeting with this man. Now I know how I threaten other people with that expectation stuff because I did not dare to do what I want to do. So, it is just perfect, this whole lesson.

I am getting closer to what I want to do. I did pictures when I was young, and I gave it up totally because I did not know what it was. I did not know what it was, so I left it and did something else. Now I am taking pictures. I love one photographer — I love a lot photographers very much — but one disengaged this year or last year, Helmut Newton, and it came into my mind that a photographer is just somebody who is appreciating his own creations at the spot.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: And he is the one who loves the women he’s creating! (Laughs) So, I am into this photography business all of a sudden. I was thinking about making a calendar with sunsets, because people love seeing beauty. Now other things are coming up in this Bobcat Café, to pick 12 of those 280 pictures I made and do an exposition there. And it popped up in my mind: exposure, expose yourself! Show your pictures, sign them, dare to sign them! I did not ever dare to do anything like that. It is such a wonderful feeling.

And this man up there, he is so close. When I say something, he just says “wonderful.” We are so much in ease; we laugh all day! He makes jokes, and I laugh and I make jokes. He is standing behind the bar, I’m speaking to other people, he is not jealous, and I’m not jealous at all. I think it’ll work out so beautifully. I know it. Anything else, I’m not bothered at all. I’m just fine. You are nodding. You don’t have to comment! I know! (Elias laughs)

I know that he knows, and for the first time in my life — I want that on the record — the first time in my life that I talked about sex and I realized how big and how small that issue is and how much more we are interested in a relationship that lasts a whole life, rather than having a love affair and then getting into trouble and getting into jealousy and all this stuff. We decided not to want that, and knowing I have to go away and we don’t know when we will see each other again, we want our time to get to know each other when it’s time and when it’s right and when we feel comfortable with it. Right now, neither of us is feeling comfortable with it. I don’t have to put it in my bag, carry it in my bag and think about it; it will happen when we are ready. So, everything is just beautiful there.

I want to talk about my dream this morning. Shortly said, I had two big bags, and I got the impression I’m overloaded and one speaker is off. In this place in Bristol, in Dan’s place, I repaired the speaker. He has a stereo, and there was only one speaker going, and I repaired it. He said, “Incredible, you did it. I tried to all the time, and you did it.” Now this came up again with this speaker, one speaker doesn’t work. I want to tell you what my impression is of that. First, I’m overloaded. I love to talk to people, and it’s funny, I stopped writing because while writing, I am in the past, because I’m talking about the past and I’m not talking about the now. That’s why I stopped writing. I realize when I talk to people, when I go back to Germany and they all want to know what happened, I go back to the past. For every single person I have to tell the same story. It’s a lot of fun, it’s fantastic, but I don’t have to. I’m not getting into the now if I talk to people and tell them all the time the same story about what happened in this two little weeks. They are like six months packed up. That’s what the message is, I am overloaded. I have to write the story down, what happened. Then everybody can read it, and I can take care of the now!

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: That’s the message of this dream?

ELIAS: And balance.

SABINE: I can get balanced, because when I talk about what was going on, I get excited about what was going on in the past. I want to be excited about what is going on in the now. So, the speaker off is when I’m unloaded again and there might be another voice coming up inside of me. Another trigger is now it is not there at all, and I sometimes have the feeling that I cannot speak anymore. My voice is going away. That is related to each other?

ELIAS: Yes, and that is also associated with balance.

SABINE: When it is not there at all, it’s all fine, I’m in the now.

ELIAS: A strong element of this dream imagery is that of balance. You are presenting to yourself imagery that is not balanced and extreme. In that, you are presenting information to yourself of the importance of generating that balance.

SABINE: Is writing the tool for getting balanced?

ELIAS: Partially yes, for that allows you to incorporate your recall or your memory of past experiences and events, but it also allows you to continue to be aware in the now of what you are doing.

SABINE: Yes. I don’t have to address to the past again and again.

ELIAS: Correct. But you can share information that you have offered yourself in this trip and the experiences that you generated that have offered you considerable information and have allowed you to become much more aware of you and much more intimate with yourself, and is also generating more clarity in relation to your preferences. Therefore, in sharing information with other individuals, they also share with you, and you exchange. That offers you information also in the now.

This is how you can incorporate a balance of the past, the future and the now, without the exclusion of any of them, but being present and aware of what you are doing now and what you shall choose to allow to influence you from the past, rather than automatically responding and not necessarily generating a benefit in comfort to yourself. This also allows you an outlet of energy in a creative manner, the writing and the photography.

SABINE: Ja, exactly. I want to connect it. I realized that that is something which is more than just writing. I have a very good opportunity to handle this photography stuff. It came up by itself. I got the camera, and well, it’s just fine, just fine! (Elias chuckles)

This astrology stuff, I want to talk to you about it. I made up the astrology of the Shift years ago, and the reason I did not succeed at all, I realized, was I did not at all acknowledge myself that I found it out, that I made it, that I changed it. I found the religious belief systems in contemporary astrology and the psychology belief systems in it, and I altered it. This kind of astrology I’m doing is for me, besides talking to you and reading those sessions. But besides that, this tool, the astrology tool, this mirror action with the planets, the planets are different related to the zodiac than they used to be, and a lot of other things. This tool kept me going and is the most important tool I found 20 years ago. I only came to you at the end of last year — you were my Christmas gift to myself — after I went through all this Bible stuff, all this Christian religion stuff, and I really was in peace with it. It was really done, and now it’s through. Then we got in touch.

The astrology does not go away; this tool does not go away. I thought about writing a book, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to write a book about astrology; anybody else can do it. But I can offer this tool to other people to use for themselves, whoever wants it. That actually was the main trigger. I said, “This stuff, I’m not sure. Shall I, shall I not?” and that’s the reason I want to go to Mary’s and talk to Elias about it. Now it’s kind of different, because I realized that the reason no one asked for it was I did not acknowledge it myself. Is that so?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Thank you!

ELIAS: You are welcome. And perhaps you can even incorporate that in association also with your pictures.

SABINE: Rotterdam, is that the place where I want to do that?

ELIAS: Is it?

SABINE: It is!

ELIAS: Very well!

SABINE: Here is my paradise! (Elias chuckles) This Peter de Grote, who am I in that focus? (Pause)

ELIAS: A friend.

SABINE: That’s what I thought. Who am I in the focus of Frederick II, 1151, who was the King in Sicily, in Italy, the King of Germany and Jerusalem? I think I was his scribe. Was I?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: The one with the... I have this eye stuff coming from that focus.

Dostoevsky is something, his writing. Oh, Shakespeare, oh yeah! I want to talk to you about Shakespeare! I had this project with the “Kaufmann von Venedig” — what is the translation of the Kaufmann from Venice? — “The Merchant of Venice.” I think that is the most beautiful and wise piece he has written, although I don’t know all of them, but that’s my feeling. I thought I might do something, but then I quit again; I don’t really know how to deal with it. I think it is not acknowledged the way it should be, this “Merchant of Venice.” But should I care? I don’t really think I should.

ELIAS: It does not matter...

SABINE: So, I must have writing focuses, and I have those two. I have a lot of attraction to Dostoevsky, and I have a lot of attraction to Shakespeare. I have attractions to a lot of other writers too, but those are the most important ones. So, I thought I might be the wife of Dostoevsky. I might have been that?

ELIAS: Mother.

SABINE: Mother! And in the Shakespeare focus?

ELIAS: A friend.

SABINE: A close friend?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Is there anything you would suggest in dealing with my father that I should address to or approach or whatever?

ELIAS: In what capacity? What is your concern?

SABINE: The concern is that I went there once, he wasn’t there, and I felt I’m fine. I can think of him in an easy way. There is nothing left for me to look for, to explore, to know. If he wants, he can... Well, ja.

We have 15 minutes left! Let’s have some fun! (Laughs) I laugh so much that sometimes I think my throat is like (makes growling sound) because I’m laughing so much! I know I am able to keep this energy when I go to Boston and get onto the plane and get back to Europe and get back over Paris and to Hanover, to Braunschweig, to Darmstadt and to all the cities. I know that I can stay in this energy.

ELIAS: Yes, you can. And let me express to you, my friend, remind yourself to express a gentleness with yourself. It is not necessary for you to be expressing harshness with yourself to accomplish what you want. Practice in gentleness.

SABINE: Ja, ja! I haven’t for 50 years! I was tough, tough, tough — I’m exercising, I practice. That’s on top of the list! (Laughs)

ELIAS: You are greatly worthy of your own gentleness, and you can accomplish and be equally as successful.

SABINE: I’m accomplishing like mad, ever since May 1.

ELIAS: And now you have opened new creative avenues for yourself to explore in great adventures and new treasures.

SABINE: And the world is my living room! I love it! (Both laugh) Yes, and we keep talking. I will never forget this really hard time I had — I think it was in the airport in Paris — when I got so upset that this guy did not show up. I started to count blue spots until 140, and then I felt better and better. I knew there is always a part of me who says it is quite purposeful what you are experiencing here, and that always calms me down. In other times I would have jumped out of the plane or something, I don’t know, but this side, which is you, which is the connection...

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: ...was always there calming me down. I was always aware of that, and it helped me so much. Sometimes it was getting so tight that I just count the blue spots, and then I am again in ease.

I told Mary and Lynda today about this experience with the police guy close to the border after I came back to the United States from Canada. That was quite an experience, because usually when I see a police car and I am not ready to put my seatbelt on, I don’t want that, I get a like a little flash — the police! — flash. This time, when this guy really checked me from the bottom to the top, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t fear at all. I was not even unruhig, uh, scattered or shaky. I was so quiet inside. It was such an experience. After that, I said I created that, this confrontation with a policeman, and maybe he checked me with the CIA, FBI, everything, in and out and upside down, and so what! It did not matter. This morning, the sheriff was greeting me and wishing me a nice day, and I did the same! Do I have a tough — well, of course I do — a tough focus in the second world war, in the Nazi regime, and I was threatened by mmhm-mmhm?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: So, there is where the fear comes from?

ELIAS: Partially.

SABINE: There is this inquisition stuff, but we don’t have to talk about that. That shows me that I’m probably done with the fear of uniforms, of people who are dressed up in uniforms?

ELIAS: Partially, but also you have offered yourself an opportunity, with an effective example, that it is unnecessary for you to generate apprehension or fear or anxiety in association with these individuals, for in actuality they are not authority of you. You have also allowed yourself these experiences to validate within yourself your own calm, your own confidence within yourself and your own ease in acceptance of yourself.

Therefore, there is no expression to prove, and there is no draw for approval. Therefore, you may express your own openness, your own exposure in cooperation, once again not generating opposing energy and allowing yourself to view this example of how you are not threatened. For if you are generating an acceptance within yourself, you are not feeling threatened, and therefore, that very strongly alters your perception. Whatever you present in your experiences becomes merely an opportunity and an avenue in which you can again express your own calm, your own acceptance of yourself and your own lack of threat within yourself, and therefore, your world becomes non-threatening.

SABINE: Yes. I think it is not threatening. And when a threat shows up, I take this part like in the car with the policeman.

ELIAS: Yes, and that neutralizes.

SABINE: And that neutralizes immediately. I feel it here. It’s just the calmness.

I was wondering whether it feels different to talk to you in physical dimension. I want to say this on the record, it does not. I don’t feel a different energy than I do when I speak with you all 24 hours. It is quite interesting.

ELIAS: You have already become familiar with my energy.

SABINE: Ja. You have an accent. You have an accent which sounds like eastern Europe. I used to dream a lot about Russia. I did not find out yet what it was. I may, one day, because I love to travel, and I want to go to Petersburg. I may find out what there was. Have we something in Russia?

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: Aha! I’ll get that! You don’t have to tell me anything!

ELIAS: This shall be another adventure in your treasure hunt!

SABINE: Yes sir! (Both laugh)

SABINE: Maybe Mary would like to see her little baby again! She’s sleeping quite well on your lap there. She looks like a pillow, a hair pillow! Okay, Elias — I always say Elias (pronounced EL ee us).

ELIAS: It matters not.

SABINE: I saw this movie, “Schlafes Bruder.” The main person, the main part was “Elias,” and that made me think that a person who writes a story like that, the people who are involved in making, producing this picture, all the actors, everybody who sees this picture, is part of that focus. Is that so?

ELIAS: Part of which focus?

SABINE: Of the focus this movie or this story is representing. It is this movie played in certain times, with certain people, et cetera, and this picture was made up exactly how the director and the author thought it was like.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: So everybody who is concerned was in that focus.

ELIAS: Yes.

SABINE: That’s what I thought. Thank you for nodding on that, and I appreciate myself for my intuition and for my trusting myself.

ELIAS: Yes, and acknowledging your impression

SABINE: Next time I drive a car without wheels! (Both laugh) Okay, we’re done. Thank you! Wow! It’s like a performance. (Applauds) I have a nice gig tonight.

ELIAS: Very well. I am greatly acknowledging of you, my friend, and I express tremendous appreciation and affection to you.

SABINE: Thank you.

ELIAS: In friendship and in anticipating of our next meeting, au revoir.

SABINE: Au revoir.

Elias departs after 59 minutes.

©2010 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.