Important Things: Let’s Start with Baseball
“Important Things: Let’s Start with Baseball”
“Cooperation with a Business Partner”
Monday, June 16, 2005 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Frank (Ulra)
(Elias’ arrival time is 14 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good morning!
FRANK: Good morning! Oh, boy, it’s good to talk to you again. I very much look forward to these chats.
ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?
FRANK: Ironically, I have no dreams to talk about this time, even though last time we talked about (inaudible) dreams. (Elias laughs) I don’t know what gives there.
But anyway, I have a number of things that I want to talk to you about that are kind of important. Let’s start with baseball. I have several things to ask you about there, but the first one is this. I started out my season playing just exceptionally well, and now for about the last two weeks, it’s just the opposite. I feel like I’m not doing anything very well or at least with respect to my batting, and I’m trying to figure out what happened there.
ELIAS: Confidence and doubt. You engaged your surgery previously and the outcome of that was quite favorable, but now that you are engaging your game once again, initially, in regard to the corrective action that you engaged with the surgery, that generated a new confidence within you in relation to your ability and your performance. But once engaging the action, there began an underlying doubt of whether that physical manifestation may regenerate itself.
FRANK: You mean the problem with my shoulder?
ELIAS: Yes. Which generates a diminished, not an entire lack, but a diminished expression of confidence and somewhat of a guardedness.
Let me express to you, my friend, this occurs frequently in individuals, in which there is an automatic response which does not necessarily engage thought. You may not necessarily notice the actions that you are generating within your physical body that are sheltering or guarding a particular area of your physical body. For you have generated what you assess to be a negative experience previously, and there are automatic responses to those negative experiences, which generates an underlying doubt in relation to the efficiency of your ability.
If you allow yourself to be acknowledging the beginning of your season, so to speak, and your accomplishment as you began, and appreciate that and acknowledge your ability and your capacity to be engaging the game effectively and efficiently and not damaging your physical body consciousness, this shall be helpful in reinforcing your trust of your choices and that you are not generating an action that may re-manifest the previous manifestation.
You are generating a new direction, and in that, it is unnecessary to question whether you shall recreate a previous manifestation. For in this new direction, you have accomplished quite well and have allowed yourself considerable success in generating a successful alteration of the manifestation, also surprising yourself in your own efficiency, not generating painfulness, and have allowed yourself to regenerate your own strength within your body consciousness. Now merely allow that to flow naturally.
FRANK: I never would have thought it was that.
ELIAS: Let me express to you, individuals manipulate body consciousness without generating an objective awareness or noticing what they are doing. This is the reason that it is easily expressed to be incorporating significant tension within the body consciousness and not notice that it is even being expressed.
Individuals may manipulate their hands, as an example, in a particular manner in which they incorporate more tension in the muscles of their hands and generate a tighter grip within their hands and do not even notice how they are manipulating their body consciousness. In that, subsequently, they may experience what you term to be some unusual cramping within their hands and are puzzled as to what would generate that action. For, they are not noticing how they are manipulating their body consciousness in association with underlying doubts or apprehensions or different scenarios in which they may be shielding themselves, and automatically generate certain actions within certain muscles of their physical body consciousness which are restricting.
You are experiencing that your game is not being played as successfully as it was previously. You are not generating as precise or as powerful energy as you were initially. This is your indicator that you are affecting of your physical body consciousness, which is responding in a different manner, a more restrictive manner. The reason that you are generating those signals to your physical body consciousness and creating these automatic responses of restriction is an affectingness of confidence in association with your ability, which perpetuates if you continue to repeat the action of restricting your physical body consciousness or shielding it. That reinforces in a circle.
FRANK: But it really starts with fear of getting re-injured.
ELIAS: Not necessarily a fear, an apprehension — an underlying affectingness of your own confidence in your ability to perform efficiently and powerfully without generating a similar manifestation. Therefore, in acknowledging what you have accomplished in relation to that physical manifestation and how successfully you have generated a new direction, that shall be helpful in reinforcing your trust with yourself and acknowledging your strength in physical activities.
FRANK: Can I put you on hold for one moment? I think someone is here. I’ll be right back.
FRANK: I have returned.
ELIAS: Very well.
FRANK: Boy, that’s very interesting. So, just to make sure I’m clear, I just need to sort of acknowledge what I did to start the year. I guess maybe part of it was, even though I was doing well and other people probably even more than myself said wow, you’re really doing well, deep down I guess I’m not sure that I felt I was really doing well, if you understand what I’m saying.
ELIAS: Which is the association with the confidence.
FRANK: What is the dichotomy there? Why is it that on the surface it seemed like I was doing so well, but to me it didn’t?
ELIAS: Let me express to you also, my friend, this is not unusual either, especially in this time framework in association with individuals that are widening their awareness in the capacity that they are allowing themselves to be objectively aware of different expressions within themselves. I have addressed to this with other individuals recently, also.
What occurs is that you are paying attention to yourself, and you are noticing different communications that you are expressing to yourself, and you are noticing certain associations that you are generating or perhaps apprehensions or perhaps judgments or challenges or even struggles that you may be aware of within yourself — but you are aware and you are noticing. Therefore, it is unnecessary to reflect those elements to yourself through other individuals, for you are already aware. The point of reflecting with other individuals is to offer you information in association with what you are actually doing.
Now; as I have expressed to you previously, you are always reflecting through other individuals, but at times it may appear to you that what you are generating inwardly is not being reflected outwardly. It actually is; it is a matter of paying attention and interpreting what you are offering to yourself in information.
In the reflection that you have offered to yourself through other individuals in acknowledging you, what you are reflecting is the actual energy you are projecting, that energy of accomplishment. You are addressing to some doubt within yourself, but you are aware of that. Therefore, as you are addressing to it, you are not necessarily projecting that type of energy. Remember, what you think and what you feel are not necessarily indicators of what type of energy you are projecting. What you are actually doing and what you are reflecting are indicators of what type of energy you are projecting.
Therefore, you may be experiencing some discounting of yourself or some concern with yourself or even some confusion. You may even be experiencing some pushing of energy within yourself and noticing that, but you may not necessarily be DOING that and you may not necessarily be projecting that type of energy, for you are aware of what you are expressing inwardly and you are addressing to that.
Therefore, what you are doing may be different and what you are reflecting to yourself through other individuals may be an acknowledgment, which is what you have been generating recently in that other individuals shall reflect to you to acknowledge you. Which is purposeful, for this is you presenting that acknowledgment to yourself, to reinforce you and to remind you to be acknowledging of yourself, to be appreciating what you have generated in successfulness and to be reinforcing and validating your own strength.
FRANK: That’s interesting, because now that you mention it, really, despite the way I feel about how things are going both inwardly and outwardly lately, they continue to reflect that to me.
ELIAS: Yes. (Chuckles) I may be acknowledging of you, also. This is another indicator of how you are widening your awareness objectively even further.
FRANK: Well, thank you.
ELIAS: Ha ha! You are quite welcome.
FRANK: Let’s go on to something related. Lately when I play, I would say just generally, but I tend to focus on it more on when I’m playing the game and it really was around the whole time that all this started when I started to not do as well as I’d been doing initially, I’ve just been physically exhausted, I guess, is maybe the best word for it. Is this all part of the same thing? Is there some other cause for this?
ELIAS: It is interrelated. For what occurs, if you are actually evaluating it, is quite natural. You are incorporating this apprehension, which generates responsiveness with your physical body consciousness, which generates a tension, and in that tension, you begin to hold energy in relation to shielding and not allowing that free flow of energy. Therefore, the more that you hold to your energy, the more you generate fatigue within your body consciousness, for it is not being allowed to express a free flow of energy. There is a continuous holding of energy, which becomes fatiguing.
That also is somewhat associated with a responsiveness in relation to the confidence, for in holding to energy, you generate this tension within the physical body consciousness, which is fatiguing, which reinforces the diminished expression of confidence, which, once again, creates another circle in which all of the actions move together to generate a perpetuation of a lack of motivation, a fatigue, a lack of confidence.
FRANK: That one I’m very objectively aware of, that I go up to bat and I’m so tired I just feel like I’m not going to be able to do this because I’m just too tired to do it.
FRANK: This is all very interesting to me. One last question, and that is sort of the timing of it. It didn’t go from being good and then kind of slowly go to being bad or being more normal. Everything was very, very good, and then all of a sudden at a specific point, boom, it went to being bad. It was really amazing how that happened. Was there something that sort of tipped me over the edge at that one point, or was it just inevitable that it happened? I don’t know if you understood my question.
ELIAS: I am understanding. It is not necessarily inevitable, and I may also express to you that it is not necessarily more normal to be generating a gradual decline. In actuality, it is more common to be expressing this type of abruptness, for you are generating a powerful success but you are questioning within yourself. Therefore, your confidence is already being put into play, and in that, it is already set into motion that you are questioning your ability and its endurance.
Therefore, as you continue and are confused as to what you are actually creating, for it appears to you that the objective imagery does not match the inward expression, that generates an automatic response to continue to pay attention to the inward expression, but it also continues to perpetuate a confusion, which that creates the abruptness of a seemingly sudden alteration of your performance.
FRANK: Maybe there’s no clear answer to this, but I guess what I’m saying is why didn’t it happen a week sooner or a week later? Was there something in my perception or thought processes or whatever that caused this to suddenly happen at that specific point in time?
ELIAS: No. It was generated in relation to a response of the physical body consciousness to an ongoing doubt and an increasing questioning in confidence of yourself, to a point in which your physical body consciousness responded in not generating the strength that it was previously.
FRANK: I don’t want to discount myself here, but just the question. Really, had I been a little more aware of what was going through my mind or... I don’t know if “aware” is the right word, because I guess I was aware of it. At some point prior to all of this, I could have reached the conclusion that gee, I’m focusing a lot on how this isn’t really real or...
ELIAS: Correct, and in that, this is significant information for you, for this offers you an experience that you may actually clearly view the different elements of what was occurring: the expression of yourself inwardly — the doubt or the diminished confidence within yourself — but also the actual doing and the actual performance and the successfulness of that and the powerfulness of that and the reflection of other individuals in their expression to you in acknowledgment and validation of the strength of your production.
In that, this is what is unfamiliar, but what you have been moving into for a time framework and are beginning to generate more of an openness and widening your awareness. You were partially aware of what you were generating. What you were not connecting was the element of what you were actually doing and the validation and acknowledgment reflected to you.
Were you to have been connecting these different elements — the inward expression, noticing your own doubt or your own expression of confidence and its diminished capacity, but also noticing the acknowledgment — not comparing but evaluating how those expressions move together rather than are in opposition to each other rather than being a dichotomy, how they are actually a complement, that would have offered you a clearer understanding of what you are actually creating, which would have allowed you to not diminish your capacity physically and not restrict your free flow of energy and not restrict or discount your own strength physically.
But what you have generated has accomplished a similar outcome, for this also is merely another method in which you have generated offering yourself the same information and offering yourself the explanation, which also is not uncommon, for many times individuals generate a clearer understanding of what they are doing and what they are projecting in offering themselves actual physical evidence.
FRANK: Well, that’s certainly true in my case, isn’t it? (Elias laughs) So, just to finish up on this topic, what you’re suggesting to me is that the way to create the outcome that I want, which is to go back to the way things were earlier in the year, is to just recognize my skill and my ability and what I’ve done in the past, that it’s not a fluke and that I can continue to do that in the future and that I don’t really need to fear re-injuring myself.
ELIAS: Correct, and acknowledge your strength and your power and allow yourself that appreciation, your appreciation of engaging the game, your appreciation of yourself in your performance when you allow yourself to engage the game in a satisfactory manner.
FRANK: It’s actually very interesting, because you talked about strength and power. I’m not a small person, I’m not physically really muscular, and when I bat, I use a very small, light bat compared to other players on the team. But I have more power than almost anyone, which is kind of surprising to everyone, including me sometimes.
ELIAS: Ah, and that is to be acknowledged. That is the evidence of your strength and your power. Acknowledge that and appreciate that, and that shall reinforce your confidence once again.
FRANK: One of the other things I had on my list here, but I think you’ve probably pretty well covered it or it’s almost the same thing, but after I first had my surgery I had no pain, which was amazing to everyone, probably less to me than anyone else, and my improvement was very rapid, then I’d say almost for a good month period of time it didn’t improve any more at all. I’m guessing it’s all the same thing as what we’ve just talked about here, but in case it’s not, is it more than that or is it all just the same thing?
ELIAS: It is interrelated. A doubt of whether you actually can or could accomplish in such an effortless manner, especially in...
FRANK: I’ve probably played effortlessly, but I just don’t believe I can!
ELIAS: (Laughs) Especially in a physical capacity, in which you are generating some action that you assess to be significant or large. This is the reason that it is important for you to be acknowledging of your accomplishment in that and appreciating that, for you did accomplish quite effectively and satisfactorily and quite effortlessly. This is an acknowledgment of your ability, and once again, of your power.
FRANK: Right. A couple more quick questions, and then we’ll get off baseball completely. Just briefly, the team that I play on is not doing very well, particularly lately. I’m just curious as to why that’s happening relative to me. Is it all interrelated again?
ELIAS: Yes. If you are projecting an energy of strength and confidence, that shall be affecting. That shall ripple outward and shall be influencing with your team, as the example.
FRANK: That’s kind of how I felt, too. Well, actually, what I really felt was because I’m not actually producing physically, that’s why it’s not happening. Because if I don’t, then we don’t win. So, it’s really kind of the same thing.
ELIAS: Yes, but it is a cooperation. It is not entirely your responsibility but more of a cooperation between yourself and being responsible for you in your action and your performance, but also being responsible for you in being the example.
FRANK: I understand. One last observation is that again, pretty much on the exact date, at the exact time when this all started to go in the other direction for me, prior to that time, I’m generally out there and pretty much whether we’re winning or losing or whatever I’m having fun, I’m joking around and having a good time with the other players on the team. It was right at that exact point that I showed up for this game and I wasn’t enjoying any of it, wasn’t in the mood to joke around with anybody or anything like that. It seems like that should probably be a pretty good clue to me that something significant is going on.
FRANK: Actually, I think it was. I just didn’t, as you say, connect all the dots.
ELIAS: For in that, you were focusing your attention more upon performance, which also triggers the confidence and the lack of motivation, rather than what you generally focus your attention upon, which is the game and the fun and the cooperation with your team. But in that time framework, you were focused merely upon yourself to the exclusion of the team in a manner in which you were questioning your ability, and therefore not focusing your attention upon fun and the game and the interaction but merely upon your ability to perform.
FRANK: That’s funny. One of the things I thought you were going to say today with regard to all this, and that I just need to ask you about before I go on to another subject, my original thought on why all this happened was that I was getting nervous or afraid that the team was depending too much on me and that I didn’t like to be in that role of being the guy who was totally depended upon. Is that a factor in any of this?
ELIAS: That is your perception. That is not actually what is being expressed but that is a concern of you, which is quite understandable, for this moves quite in conjunction with you and your personality, not wanting to be in a position in which other individuals depend upon you. For then that requires you to perform more, which is contrary to your nature. (Chuckles)
FRANK: What do you mean? Being lazy?
ELIAS: (Laughs) Not choosing to work very hard at any particular activity.
FRANK: Well, I’m glad you don’t judge me on that!
ELIAS: Of course not. (Laughs) You have generated this quite efficiently in all directions of your focus.
FRANK: Well, you know what Ronald Regan said. He said, “They say hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take a chance.”
ELIAS: (Laughs) Here, here! And hard work is not necessary. Therefore, if it is not a preference of yours, why engage it?
FRANK: Well, maybe sometime we can talk about why that’s a part of my personality.
ELIAS: Ha ha! It is a preference.
FRANK: Now I’m going to move off the subject just a little bit, but lastly on baseball, I also coach a team that my son and a bunch of high school kids play on, and that team doesn’t seem to be doing very well. There seems to be very little motivation there. I’m guessing that that’s kind of a reflection of me, that I’m just sort of tired of doing that because I’ve been doing it for many, many years. Is that accurate or is there more to it than that?
ELIAS: Yes, that is accurate, and also, as you are not motivated to be engaging this activity, you are not engaging your creativity. Therefore, you are not generating a catalyst or a stimulus to interest the cooperation of the other individuals. You are not generating an excitement, and therefore not generating your own creativity and inventiveness, and therefore are not generating an excitement in cooperation with them, either.
FRANK: Which I usually do, or at least in the past I think I did.
FRANK: Well, what do I do about that? I mean, if I’m not motivated, I’m not motivated.
ELIAS: It is a matter of what you want. Do you want to continue in this action or do you not want to?
FRANK: Well, I guess I don’t want to continue in this action.
ELIAS: And it is a matter of evaluating what moves you in that direction. Obligation?
FRANK: In other words, why am I doing it?
FRANK: I don’t know. Is it obligation?
ELIAS: Partially, and partially an activity that you associate with engaging your son.
FRANK: That’s probably the most important thing for me.
ELIAS: But you may engage your son in other activities, and you are not generating a creativity and an inspiring atmosphere with your son in this particular activity. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, you defeat the purpose.
FRANK: I’ll have to see if I can bring this one around.
ELIAS: And now perhaps we shall move to the subject of fishing?
FRANK: I’m sorry, say that again.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Perhaps we shall move to another subject of fishing?
FRANK: Fishing? What are you talking about?
ELIAS: (Laughs) Another activity that you are quite accomplished at!
FRANK: Well, that won’t start until my vacation.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Very well. I shall be quite interested to be engaging you and discovering whether you lose another pole. (Laughs loudly)
FRANK: Oh, no, well, I want to catch some big fish. I don’t want to... I would trade a pole for a big fish any day. Last time I got neither.
ELIAS: (Laughs) I’m engaging quite amusement in playing with you!
FRANK: Well, time’s getting short, and I have a lot more I want to talk to you about.
ELIAS: Very well!
FRANK: Let’s start with the other big topic, although we don’t have a whole lot of time here. In terms of my business, you’ll remember the last time I spoke with you I was pretty pleased because I had a conversation with my partner where I was very open with him and expressed my preferences and the way I saw things. Even though I knew that would be difficult for him to hear and it was difficult for me to say, basically he seemed to acknowledge and understand and accept, so that was great. But then when it came time to implement what we had agreed on, it was almost as if we hadn’t had the conversation. I feel like we’re sort of back to square one.
At this point, I’ve decided that what I should do is write him a letter to sort of re-explain everything in a very comprehensive manner in terms of what our goals are, number one, how I see the problems, why those problems are significant, how can we solve those problems. The reason I’m doing this is that he’s the type of person who processes information very slowly and needs a lot of time to think about it. I think that if he has something in writing, it’s easier for him.
So, I guess the first question I have is am I approaching this in the right way, and what insights you can shed on what’s going on here.
ELIAS: Very well. Yes, I would be acknowledging you in your choice of direction in how to be engaging your partner. I also shall remind you of the element of expectation, for this has been an ongoing theme in relation to these interactions that you engage.
FRANK: You mean with him.
Now; remember, there is tremendous potential to be expressing expectations in association with other individuals in generating agreements in certain capacities. You interact and discuss with the other individual your perception and share your information with the other individual, and the point is to be generating cooperation.
Now; in that cooperation, it is not necessarily a matter of compromise or acquiescing in relation to either of you. It is a matter of allowing yourselves to share with each other, and in your evaluation with each other, to discover new choices that you may generate a cooperation with.
The pitfall is to be generating an interaction in which there is some expression of compromise and thusly an agreement is generated. In relation to the generated agreement, there is an automatic tremendous potential for expectation, the expectation of the other individual that they shall follow the agreement and an expectation of yourself that you shall also follow the agreement and perhaps generate some compromise. That does not generate success. That creates a tremendous potential to be generating a pitfall.
Whereas, if you are engaging your letter to your partner and you are expressing yourself and you are sharing your information and you are generating an openness for exploration together to generate an expression of cooperation in which neither of you is acquiescing or compromising but engaging choices that are acceptable to both of you in a cooperation, that closes the expression of expectation.
FRANK: That does what?
ELIAS: It does not allow expectation to enter the interaction.
FRANK: That part, I don’t see how that’s gonna be possible.
ELIAS: Ah, it is quite possible.
FRANK: Let me put it this way. If we decide on some course of action that’s totally acceptable to him and totally acceptable to me, at the very least we’re both expecting that we’re going to follow that course of action.
ELIAS: Not necessarily. It is an action of cooperation. This is what I am expressing to you. This is what I am drawing to your attention, the element of the agreement, that the agreement in its expression in certain capacities does automatically generate expectation.
FRANK: I think I see what you’re saying. An agreement is saying if I do this, then you’ll do that.
FRANK: As opposed to we both want to do this.
FRANK: Got it. I understand and hope I can implement that. But then the next question is when I look at this situation, I don’t see where that is going to come from, because as we have discussed before, our perceptions are very different on the whole situation.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but it is not necessary that you express foresight or generate an understanding now of how that shall be accomplished. It matters not. What is important is what you are doing now and the process of engaging this cooperation. You may surprise yourself at how easily you may accomplish in a manner that you are presently unaware of.
FRANK: Well, I hope so.
ELIAS: But that may present to you or you may present it to yourself as you continue in this process of cooperation, for that opens your choices.
FRANK: So, what you’re saying to me is that there’s probably somewhat I would call a third way. I think with so many problems, people think there’s my side and there’s your side, and it’s got to mine or it’s got to be yours. I often like to say there’s always a third way which is neither of the two, but no one’s thinking of it or recognizing it or...
ELIAS: Correct, for you continue to be occupying your attention with your direction and concerning yourself with the difference of his direction, rather than allowing yourself to cooperate and engage and therefore open more choices and be aware of more choices. That allows you to engage more of your creativity and more of your inspiration.
FRANK: Let me back you up for a second here. Let’s talk about a specific problem. One of the specific problems we’ve got is that his children are involved in the business, and for now we’ll focus on his daughter who actually spends very little time working, about 15 hours a week, does not actually work in our office, so therefore she’s difficult to get a hold of. She has two children. She often just takes off to go to the zoo and things like that, but yet she gets a full salary. This causes a lot of resentment among other people within the company, which I generally have to deal with, and also is very wasteful of our financial resources, which we need to do other things to expand the business, and has been sort of the biggest friction about what we can do about this.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
FRANK: Originally, I had approached him and he had agreed that we should just pay her for the actual time she puts in as opposed to paying her like a full-time person, but then he’s a very nice person and he’s just so emotional about it, he just couldn’t handle doing that. So about a week ago, I said okay, we’ll just keep paying her, she doesn’t have to do anything, we’ll just move on from this. But then I realized that was bad, because I really wasn’t expressing to him what I thought was fair to me, and it became clear to me that it was going to just eat me up internally.
ELIAS: For that is an action of compromise.
FRANK: Right, exactly, everything you’re saying here. I concluded that’s not good; that’s not the solution either. So, I don’t know what the solution is for this. What you’re saying is there’s something else out there that probably, when I think of it, I’ll think wow, why didn’t I think of this before?
ELIAS: Correct. You are not allowing yourself to engage all of your choices or to be aware of your choices or the avenues that you may engage, for you are not allowing yourself an openness to your own creativity. You are concentrating your attention in the black and white, your perception and his perception.
FRANK: Can you give me a little help here?
ELIAS: Rather than concentrating upon the difference, engage an activity or an exercise of attempting to focus upon the similarities in whatever capacity, for there are even similarities in your differences.
FRANK: When you say don’t focus on the differences versus the similarities, the differences and similarities compared to what?
ELIAS: Of each other.
FRANK: You mean me and my partner?
ELIAS: Yes, of your perceptions. Allow yourself to temporarily focus upon the similarities even within the differences of each of you. That may also open new avenues of understanding, which may allow you to open to new choices that are not acquiescing and are not compromising, but allow for cooperation between both of you.
FRANK: Can you give me an example of a similarity within a difference between the two of us? (Pause)
ELIAS: Value, and the strength of the energy that you each express in what you value. You value different expressions, but you both value them very similarly. Passion — you express your passion in different manners, but there is a strength in that passion that each of you expresses. Your intensity to guard what you value. The strength in which you each express your perceptions, but also the automatic and consistent manner in which each of you recedes from the other in not wanting to generate a conflict. How you each vie for position with each other — you engage a dance with each other. One becomes more dominant in one time framework, and the other recedes and allows the other to lead and they shall follow. But you reverse roles and you alter your dance, and you have been for an extended time framework.
This, in a manner of speaking, is a type of cooperation that you generate with each other, but not necessarily an efficient cooperation, for there is an element of compromise and acquiescing in each of you, dependent upon which of you is leading the dance in a particular time framework.
FRANK: Are you saying that one person should be doing that?
ELIAS: No. I am expressing that it is a matter of both of you generating the cooperation, not generating the expectations and not moving in the expression of compromise. That is very familiar to you both. That is a commonality. That is a similarity. There are many similarities even within your differences.
In that, rather than on concentrating intensely upon the differences and continuing to block your own allowance of viewing other choices and expressing this rigidness — “I express in this manner, he expresses in that manner, and never the twain shall meet” — that perpetuates your inability to cooperate, for it perpetuates expectations, viewing in the black and white, the either/or. There are more choices than either/or.
Therefore, if you are genuinely expressing yourself and your perception and sharing that information, but not generating an expectation and generating an invitation for your partner to engage likewise, that therefore generates an atmosphere of sharing, which begins the atmosphere of cooperation. In that atmosphere of cooperation and sharing, it is unnecessary to compromise or to acquiesce, but to continue to share, to discover what the other choices are that are acceptable to you both without generating compromise or acquiescing.
You are viewing this situation with this individual of the daughter quite black and white, either pay or do not pay her, or generating a compromise of perhaps pay her but pay her less. There are other choices. It is merely a matter of allowing yourselves to discover them in cooperation with each other, informing yourselves as to each other’s perceptions and what you each value, and in that, allowing yourself to move outside of the box of merely viewing the differences.
FRANK: Boy, this will be a tough one.
ELIAS: (Laughs) Challenging, but it may also be quite inspiring.
FRANK: Well, I’m sure it will. If I can get through this, it will be a hell of an accomplishment. Whatever the ultimate choice is, it seems to involve paying or not paying her or paying her less. But I guess it’s what I get for that that will make the difference.
We’re sort of over our time here, but I just want to ask about two things, so maybe you can just reply quickly. Number one, Moorah has had all sorts of car problems which affect me because I have to pay for them. So briefly, what is that expression?
ELIAS: (Chuckles) Another expression and example of obligation, similar to your son.
FRANK: So what do I do about that? How do I make myself happier with regard to that expression?
ELIAS: Express what you want and not be incorporating personal responsibility for her.
FRANK: I want to ask you this, but I’m sure we need to explore it more at a later time. Last session you mentioned in sort of an off-handed way, although I’m sure that it was very calculated on your part, something about the difference between love and affection.
FRANK: I’m sure that the subject could be explored at great length, but just briefly here, can you just touch on that a little bit?
ELIAS: Love is the action of knowing and appreciation. Affection is an emotion. Affection is an emotional communication in association with some of your preferences. Affection is not love. Affection may be coupled with love, which enhances your experience, but affection may be quite easily confused or misdefined as love, and it is not. They are two quite different expressions.
FRANK: We should talk about this at greater length.
ELIAS: Very well.
FRANK: I would like to. I suspect the reason you mentioned that last time was because that’s something you thought I’d want to hear about.
FRANK: I knew that. (Elias laughs) Thank you very much.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome, as always.
FRANK: It’s been a great session. You always leave me with questions and challenges and helpful information.
ELIAS: And I shall be anticipating our next meeting.
FRANK: Same here. Hey, this one will be in person! The next one will be in person.
ELIAS: Very well!
FRANK: I think Moorah may join me, too.
ELIAS: Ah, you may extend my greetings.
FRANK: I will. She wants to talk to you. We’re going to talk about how we’re stalactites in some distant world or something.
ELIAS: Ah, very well. (Chuckles)
FRANK: Thank you very much.
ELIAS: To you as always, my dear friend, be playful, engage fun, and I shall be projecting my energy with you.
FRANK: I’m going to want it over the next few days.
ELIAS: It is offered freely. To you in great lovingness, au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 15 minutes.
©2009 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.