To Be or Not to Be
“To Be or Not to Be...”
Tuesday, May 3, 2005 (Private/Phone)
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carmen (Tirza)
(Elias’ arrival time is 18 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good afternoon!
CARMEN: Good afternoon! It’s me again.
ELIAS: And what shall we discuss?
CARMEN: Well, I’ll tell you, as you know, I’ve had some interesting things happen after my last session, which really kind of threw me for a loop because I felt after the session gee, I’m doing very well and everything, but... (Emotionally) I’ll try to relax.
CARMEN: Yes. I’ve been creating some very strong emotional communications to myself about not wishing to continue. The difference this time is that they have been so strong that I have felt urges to actually harm myself. While I don’t think I would do that because I still have my wits about me, it is different from before, the intensity of these communications.
I’ve tried to explain these communications to myself, and I think there are two basic underlying aspects. The first one is that I think it’s been me admitting to myself, in full force, just how strongly I have wished to move to a different exploration for a long time. Second, I think that I was too narrowly interpreting your explanations of my movement toward balance and allowance. I think I failed to see that these actions are beneficial for me, no matter what choice I ultimately engage, whether I choose to continue or to move on. Therefore, the intensity of my communications has been associated with the agony of denying myself choice.
ELIAS: I would be in agreement.
Now; let me inquire of you, what is your definition of harmfulness to yourself?
CARMEN: (Emotionally) Fantasies or images of physically damaging myself, because I don’t think I will allow myself to disengage.
ELIAS: What do you consider damage?
CARMEN: This is interesting, because I think there are two things going on with those fantasies. One is to distract my attention and release tension, and also because I feel that I deserve it. (Intensely emotionally) I don’t fantasize about actually going through with it, but sometimes if I see imagery of someone killing themselves or the thought of it, I feel a relief about it or a release or an understanding of it.
I don’t have imagery of creating an illness, because if I'm going to do it, I really don’t want to feel that I have to go through pain and agony. On the Abraham website, there’s even a title of a little thing that they say: “You do not have to make yourself sick to leave.” That is what I would like to do if I can allow it, so I haven’t had strong imagery of creating an illness. Although, I have thought at different times that that is the only way I can concoct a story that will be acceptable to family members and myself.
ELIAS: First of all, let us discuss this subject of damage, and let us also subsequently discuss what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. In this, you may be mis-defining “damage” or even “harmfulness.” If you generate harmfulness to yourself or damage to yourself, you are engaging a choice to generate some type of action or manifestation that shall hinder your movement in some manner.
Now; if you are generating an action that will engage the choice of disengagement, that may not necessarily be defined or considered as an act of damaging yourself or being harmful to yourself. For it may be an action in which you allow yourself the choice that you want, and therefore, you are not actually hindering or limiting your movement. It is a matter of motivation.
If an individual is generating some action to physically intentionally disengage and that is their motivation, they are not actually inflicting harmfulness or damage to themselves, for they are merely engaging a choice to engage a different direction which does not require the physical body consciousness.
Damage is generated or harmfulness is generated in choices in which the individual’s motivation is not necessarily to engage a different direction and exploration but to continue with THIS exploration within physical focus, in which they hinder their movement or generate obstacles with their movement and restrict their movement in their continuation within physical focus. If you are genuinely exploring how you define “harmfulness” or “damage” in association with death, what is actually damaged and what is actually harmed?
ELIAS: Correct, for your physical body consciousness is a projection of you, but it is not you. It is not a vessel, as I have expressed many, many times, but YOU are what directs that physical projection, and YOU are greater than the containment of the physical body consciousness. In ANY choice regarding disengagement, the main element of disengagement is to disengage the direction of the physical body consciousness and to not continue with the physical body consciousness in whatever method you choose.
Therefore, in a manner of speaking, an individual that chooses to be disengaging in their sleep, which most individuals consider to be the most optimal manner in which they may disengage, in a manner of speaking you can express that they are damaging or being harmful to themselves, for they are disengaging their involvement with their physical body consciousness and it dies. But you would not consider an individual that disengages within their sleep state to be engaging a harmful or a destructive action to themselves, would you?
ELIAS: Correct. Regardless of what method an individual generates — being consumed by a bear, being destroyed physically in some sort of vehicle collision, being shot with a firearm, or creating a dis-ease — it matters not. The outcome is the same. The choice has been to disengage their involvement and their direction of the physical body consciousness, and therefore to allow the body consciousness to die in some manner. For that is, within your physical reality, what marks what you define as your passage from one state to another, just as your physical birth marks a passage from one state to another. Therefore, whatever the method of disengagement is, it is merely a marker point.
As to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, this is associated with your beliefs and your expression of personal responsibility in relation to other individuals, which is not your concern.
CARMEN: I’m trying, yes. That’s important for me to hear again.
ELIAS: Other individuals shall create their response to whatever your choices are in association with their own beliefs. You do not create their choices or their responses, and you are not responsible for them.
I am understanding that you are generating a struggle within yourself concerning your own responsibility of self and being aware of your choices and not wanting to be generating an expression of intrusiveness or what you perceive to be intentional hurtfulness to other individuals. But it is, as I have expressed to you previously, a matter of your own balance, balancing your awareness of your consideration of other individuals with your own desires, preferences and choices, and not denying your choices in allowing other individuals’ preferences to dictate to you.
CARMEN: Yes, that’s a broad one. It covers my entire focus.
ELIAS: And it is very familiar.
CARMEN: Yes. I’ve been trying to ascertain for myself the two elements, the desire, my feeling of I’ve done it to my satisfaction and it’s been a great ride... I’ve put myself through some pretty severe emotional challenges in this focus, and it never even occurred to me to leave. I had this core of intense motivation that propelled me and sustained me in low periods, in times when I did give myself restfulness. There was something buoying me, and that’s what I’m not feeling now.
Something fundamental seems to be missing within me, and it was that energy that sustained me, that propelled me, that moved me. I’ve been trying to discern how much it is a lack of desire, a feeling of I’ve done pretty much what I want to do here versus I’m not valuing myself in relation to other people and I’m letting them dictate my choices.
I’ll use the work projects as an example. I have not been generating a lot of projects, so then I try to figure out is it my lack of desire for them or is it my feeling that I don’t create them, that they are presented to me? What I’ve found is that for about a year now, I’ve proven to myself that I can will the projects to be created for me. Then I get a little thrill of I did that and now I won’t be so bored and I’ll have something to think about. But I haven’t really, deeply wanted to do them. So I think is my not creating them my lack of desire, or is it the fact that I feel that I’m a victim to their not needing me?
ELIAS: This is the element of balance, for you are partially offering yourself information but not entirely accurately translating it. In this, you are moving in a black and white, either/or questioning. Is what I am doing this, or is it that? In actuality, they are interrelated. There is an element of both in what you are expressing to yourself. For the lack of motivation and the lack of desire is accurately being translated in that you genuinely are experiencing this direction and this awareness that you have accomplished what you wanted to accomplish and that you are not incorporating that drive and desire and motivation any longer.
But the element of questioning yourself of whether you are merely discounting yourself is also valid, but not in the manner in which you are questioning it. It is valid, for you are discounting your genuine communications and you are continuing to seek out some other explanation. Therefore, you are allowing, to an extent, the expressions of other individuals to be dictating to you. For in questioning whether you are merely discounting yourself, you are assuming the expression or the explanations of other individuals and what THEIR association would be. That generates a confusion within you, for that automatically influences you to deny what your genuine communication is and to question it.
CARMEN: My genuine communication, is that the lack of desire?
ELIAS: Yes. The other is a genuine communication also, but as I have expressed, it is intertwined with the other communication. That is what I discussed with you previously concerning your own balance and listening to yourself and allowing yourself to not oppose yourself and generate this confusion, which merely perpetuates and intensifies the emotional communications, which you have validated have become more intense and stronger. For as you question them and deny that communication, it becomes louder, but you continue to attempt to seek out other explanations that appear to you to be more reasonable for other individuals.
CARMEN: Absolutely. Also, I think what you’re referring to is also mass belief systems. That was actually one of my questions, because I have asked myself “Why am I continuing?” The answer I’ve given myself is that I have a belief that my intent should be inexhaustible and that no matter how many aspects of myself I explore — which I see as a good many that I have explored — that I should always be able to motivate myself to explore more.
ELIAS: Ah, now this is an interesting misunderstanding. Were that to be true — it may be one of your truths, but it is not true — and were that to be true, there would be no necessity for creating the action of death within your physical reality.
CARMEN: That’s true! Plus, I remember what you’ve said that you do not come here to DO things. You come here to explore, and your intent gives you a framework.
CARMEN: So it’s not like you’re racing toward a finish line or that you came here and you’ve just got to keep doing this.
ELIAS: No. It is a choice. You choose to be physically manifest to explore and experience. Your intent is the guideline of that experience, which provides you with a direction in which you shall explore and generate your value fulfillment. But eventually you shall exhaust your exploration physically, and thusly, you shall not continue to be generating your value fulfillment. In not generating your value fulfillment, you shall not continue within this particular exploration. You shall choose to generate a different exploration, one that allows you to continue with that desire which generates the drive and motivation for your exploration. Within any area of consciousness, once you begin to stop generating your value fulfillment, you begin to move in different directions.
CARMEN: Yes. One thing that has concerned me, because as you know, I am trying very hard not to delude myself, I want to make absolutely sure that I’m not trying to escape anything. That was one motivation for generating so much financial security. I thought that if I’m going to leave, I want to do it from a position of comfort rather than from a position of feeling that I’ve got to get out of here because I’m creating discomfort in my focus.
One of my concerns has been, and I keep telling myself this that if I’m bored and depressed here, I’ll be bored and depressed there in the pre-transitional area of Regional Area 3. But then I try to get a sense of my own energy and try to sense things, and I think this may not be necessarily true. I may actually allow myself more mobility and playfulness there, at least after I get my bearings. I’m not deluded in thinking that I’m going to go there and immediately be this joyful being, playful and adventurous and all that, but I can get to a point where I sense that I wouldn’t necessarily stop myself in my tracks there.
ELIAS: I am understanding. Let me also express to you, individuals incorporate a tendency to generalize certain concepts and certain information that I have offered. In that generalization, they subsequently associate those elements of information as absolutes.
In this, I have expressed to many individuals that what they most likely shall create upon disengagement shall be quite similar to what they are creating now. But that is not an absolute, and it is dependent on the individual and what their direction is now, what they are exploring now, and what their motivation is for entertaining the idea of disengaging. There are many individuals that entertain the idea of the choice of disengaging, but within most of those situations it is somewhat associated with a temporary desperation or a temporary lack of awareness of choices.
Now; they are continuing to generate their value fulfillment. I am aware of that and I am aware of their energy, and therefore, I express information to them concerning what they are already creating and express to them that there is a significant potential that they shall continue temporarily to create quite similarly in generating objective imagery regardless of whether they choose to disengage. But that does not necessarily apply to all individuals.
It is a matter of the individual’s direction, their value fulfillment, their intent, what they are exploring, their beliefs and what they are attempting to present to themselves in information in any particular moment. As I have expressed many times, value is not always expressed in comfort, and many individuals do not incorporate a clear objective understanding of that — or they do not incorporate a clear understanding of it yet.
But there are other expressions that may occur with an individual that are quite genuine, in which the individual may be offering themselves communications that they are beginning to not generate their own value fulfillment any longer. They may continue in moments to be generating some value fulfillment, but it may be waning, and the individual shall notice. It is a considerable, dramatic difference that almost may be recognized in alteration of personality. It is not actually an alteration of personality, but it may surfacely appear as such with an individual, for their choices dramatically change.
CARMEN: That’s interesting. Now my personality change, I’m tempted to say that I’m just plain a lunatic now, very short-tempered and just disagreeable, although I’m trying to outwardly project a different... Except in my moments of playfulness, which I occasionally move into. Before, you have mentioned that if a person is blocking themselves, that energy shall be expressed and it may manifest itself as some sort of physical expression or emotional/mental...
CARMEN: That is what I’ve noticed with myself. Is that what you’re referring to?
ELIAS: Yes. It is not necessarily expressed only in physical manifestations. It may be expressed in many different manners. THAT is what you may consider to be harmful or damaging, for that does interrupt and hinder your movement and your natural flow.
CARMEN: Yes. I do know that I have been harming myself in that way. The thing about value not always being expressed in comfort, it just occurred to me that in the past throughout my focus, no matter how bad things got, I still felt like I was engaging my challenges. I think that that may have been subconsciously an awareness that I was generating value fulfillment.
ELIAS: Correct. That is the action that, in your terms, generates the feeling of being alive.
ELIAS: And it is dramatically noticeable as you stop generating that feeling.
CARMEN: Yes. I am creating elements of positive imagery, it’s...
ELIAS: I am aware. I may express to you, my friend, value fulfillment and the stopping of generating value fulfillment is not an event. It is not an action that occurs in one moment and thusly you disengage. It may be expressed in a gradual movement in which you continue to allow yourself moments in which you continue to generate your value fulfillment, but you also begin to notice moments in which you may experience yourself as hollow, and hollowness is experienced in relation to the lack of desire and the lack of motivation.
CARMEN: Yes, because one example is that in the past, if someone complimented my artwork or something, that would give me a high that would last for at least a couple of days. And now, I acknowledge the compliment, I’m appreciative of the expression, and it gives me a little lift. I think, “That’s nice. I created that, and isn’t that nice.” But then ten minutes later the high is gone. Before, the compliment would fuel me to keep going, like I’m generating this so I can create more and more! And now it’s different.
CARMEN: And I have noticed that difference.
ELIAS: What have we discussed concerning the ballerina?
CARMEN: To stand and feel that nothing more need be done, and to accept the flowers and the applause, which I have kind of a hard time thinking about. Although, there are times where I think I can understand where an essence energy expression like me would be appreciated. I think we all sat around and said, “I’ll play this role and I’ll play this role, because this is what I will choose to express as most comfortable,” and I can see me fitting in. So I do have moments of genuinely seeing my value or my place in the mosaic.
CARMEN: So in that sense, I can see... Well, when anyone chooses to leave, I’d be in the audience applauding, too. Even people I don’t like.
ELIAS: Correct! Even the villains! Ha ha!
CARMEN: And thank goodness, I have throughout my life not had a tendency to hold too serious grudges for most people. But I am able to kind of step back and view the individual as essence and see where they fit and see what they are contributing, regardless of their expression and to approach genuinely appreciating that. So it should be no different for me, I would think, in relation to other essences viewing me.
ELIAS: Correct. It is merely a matter of acknowledging that the dance is complete and allowing yourself to accept the reward and the appreciation and to allow yourself to engage a new project.
CARMEN: Yes. Well, I feel better! (Elias laughs) I’ll tell you, I’ve said this to other people in the forum, that I am the poster child for torturing myself and for doing what you’ve been saying not to do. I am hoping that in some way this is helpful to people. I haven’t felt too bad about presenting to other people “get a load of me! This is what I have created for myself,” thinking that that may offer some illumination for others who may choose to view that and maybe choose not to do what I’m doing.
ELIAS: Or perhaps engage some similarities with yourself, but recognize that these are choices and perhaps not discount themselves for those choices.
CARMEN: Absolutely, because I have been able to reach a point of having a sense of humor about just viewing myself in my focus and what I’m doing and feeling like I’m stumbling. I feel like the Keystone Kops, mostly on an emotional level. But it is funny sometimes, viewed from a certain angle. Or maybe there’s an element of compassion, and I’m just viewing it from the standpoint of humor. It also helps me step back and think this isn’t necessary and try to genuinely understand that this isn’t necessary that I do this to myself.
CARMEN: One conceptual curiosity... Unless, is there something more that I would like to know?
ELIAS: I merely shall encourage you to practice with the exercise of allowing yourself to generate other individuals disappearing. Once you have disappeared them, allow yourself to genuinely evaluate you.
CARMEN: Yes. I see the value of that and I have in moments thought back to that exercise.
ELIAS: Remove the other individuals from your picture. Paint this picture merely with yourself as the subject.
CARMEN: Yes. That’s a good one. One thing that I have been curious about is that even in my most severe emotional trauma, I have been creating a very stable environment. I’ve tried to figure this out. What I’m thinking is that it’s because it’s my beliefs and not my emotions that create my reality. When I was traumatizing myself so severely, my beliefs were “I cannot create anything.” I’m thinking, therefore, that translated into literally that I was not creating anything. Otherwise, if my emotions were creating my reality, my walls would have been crumbling; I would have been in the middle of a war. I’m wondering if you can help clarify that.
ELIAS: Very well. I may express to you that I have recently addressed to similar questionings of other individuals in relation to the outside objective imagery appearing to not match the inside actions. But in actuality, they do match. For if you are generating an awareness of what you are doing and what you are communicating to yourself and what you are addressing to, you are automatically generating an acceptance of your own action. You are addressing to it. You are aware.
This is not to say that you may not be generating strong emotional communications, and it is not to say that you may not necessarily be creating uncomfortableness within yourself and drama or trauma within yourself. But you are aware of what you are doing, and you are actively examining what you are presenting to yourself.
Therefore, in that action, you are also generating somewhat of an acceptance of yourself in allowing yourself to continue to evaluate and examine and be aware of your own actions and your own communications as you generate your own process with them. In that, you project an accepting energy outwardly. Therefore, that is what you reflect, which appears surfacely to not match.
You express to yourself that you are experiencing tremendous upheaval within yourself, and therefore, you expect that you should be presenting to yourself outwardly in objective imagery chaos, but you are not. The reason is the energy that you are projecting. As I have expressed, what you are feeling is not an indicator of what type of energy you are projecting. What you are DOING is the indicator of what type of energy you are projecting outwardly, and what you are doing is not necessarily defined in what you are physically doing. It is somewhat, but not entirely.
Therefore, this is the reason that it is challenging and somewhat difficult for most individuals to generate an objective awareness in clarity concerning what that doing element of them is and what it is doing, what they are doing. For you automatically move your attention to emotional communications and what you are feeling and what you are thinking. But those are translators and communications. They are not what is creating your reality.
CARMEN: That goes back to the challenge that I’ve heard a lot of people say — who’s doing the choosing, what part of me, how do I get in touch with that?
ELIAS: Correct. This is a matter of attention. This is a matter of PAYING ATTENTION TO YOURSELF. For this element of you, as I have expressed many, many times, is not hidden. It is merely a matter of your objective attention, and that for the most part you generate the role of the co-pilot. You do not pay attention to what you are actually doing. You do, but you do not pay attention to what you do. Therefore, you are not paying attention to what you are choosing, for what you are choosing is what you do.
CARMEN: Yes. I’ve been using my emotional and thought communications as information about what I’m doing.
ELIAS: And they are.
CARMEN: Because there are times when I feel a peacefulness and an ease and a knowing that I can create something.
ELIAS: I am understanding, but even within your upheaval, your emotional communications are defining what you are doing. This is the reason that you express them. They are communicating to you. This is what you are doing. Pay attention. This is the reason that you incorporate emotion within your physical reality, as that communication avenue, which is one of your strongest avenues of communication.
CARMEN: Especially with me! (Elias laughs) I make this joke. I say I had to be out of my cosmic mind to choose to be Vold and Sumari! Talk about a recipe for just off-the-wall emotionalism, instability.
ELIAS: Not necessarily instability, but intensity. (Laughs)
CARMEN: Yes. I have to be fair to myself, because I can’t think of anything else I would choose to be in this focus. I can see the value of it and have enjoyed it. Intensity of emotion is an experience that I know I have valued.
ELIAS: And it has provided you with considerable entertainment!
CARMEN: Yes, it has! That’s interesting.
Well, I have a couple of other questions. You know the specks of light, when I close my eyes, at times I will see a field of lights. You mentioned that they are essences and links of consciousness. I’m pretty sure I can distinguish which ones are the essences, but I’m curious, are these essences that are focused in Regional Area 1 or someplace else or both?
ELIAS: Some both and some not.
CARMEN: Some are in Regional Area 1 and some are in other regional areas?
ELIAS: Yes, but any that occupy Regional Area 1 also occupy other areas.
CARMEN: Are these essences that are currently focused here?
CARMEN: Well, okay, “current.” There’s simultaneous time. (Elias laughs) In this time-space continuum.
ELIAS: I am understanding, and I express to you, some of them are.
CARMEN: They all look alike to me! (Elias laughs) I also see little globules of what I believe is my essence color. Are those other focuses that I’m viewing?
ELIAS: At times, and at times it is merely an objective expression or translation that you offer to yourself of yourself as essence and your vibrational expression.
CARMEN: I thought I didn’t want to know the answer to this question, but I think I am curious. Am I correct that the plum is my essence signature color?
CARMEN: I’ve been trying off and on to sense what my focus color might be. I almost feel like I’m cheating because it’s almost a logical deduction rather than a strong impression. It’s a color that I’m drawn to. I’m wondering if it’s yellow.
CARMEN: I really do like that color, and I know we don’t always feel a draw to the colors that we are. But boy, my energy jumps around and I am emotional, and it just made sense to me. (Elias laughs) I’m glad I got that right! Because I was going to discount myself saying, “Okay, I’ve thought about this too much.”
Another question is that I received an impression of a connection between Edvard Grieg and my brother. I’m wondering, is there a connection there?
CARMEN: That’s interesting. He’s a whole other topic, but I’m really working on acceptance and not making judgments and just appreciating of that essence.
My other question was about a friend named Art. For the longest time, I thought this guy is the classic soft. He is just textbook. But then it occurred to me that his intense self-focusing suggested that he might be intermediate.
ELIAS: That is also somewhat of a quality of the soft orientation.
CARMEN: Yes, because I see the softs as having the best of both worlds. They can relate to other individuals, although it can be stressful for them, but boy, they can bring their attention right back into themselves, too. He seemed to feel really alive only when he was in a group. And the expressiveness — I would call it flamboyance, which drove me nuts, because one thing I learned from that relationship was that I don’t want to be the audience. I want to be the star sometimes. (Elias laughs) Although, he was really, really good for me when I was so traumatized I could barely take a step, because he was entirely focused on himself and I could just go along for the ride and it got me out. So that was a beneficial relationship.
I do believe that I have asked my questions. This has been so helpful to me.
ELIAS: Very well.
CARMEN: Thank you also for the imagery of the music this morning of the playing tag, the piano and violin in playfulness. That was sweet. I liked that.
ELIAS: You are quite welcome. (Chuckles)
CARMEN: Well, my time is up, so...
ELIAS: Very well, my friend. I shall be anticipating our next interaction, in whatever form it may occur! (Laughs)
CARMEN: That question just came to me. I thought, “Oh, my God, what if I leave? Can I still talk to you?”
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! And the response is yes, you can.
I express as always my affection and my appreciation of you, and offer you my supportiveness and encouragement. Pay attention to you, my friend. To you in great lovingness, as always, au revoir.
CARMEN: Au revoir.
Elias departs after 1 hour, 4 minutes.
(1) Carmen’s note: I have a classical radio music station playing in the background throughout each day. One way that Elias communicates with me — and with other individuals who allow themselves an openness to receiving that type of communication — is through the manifestation of Beethoven pieces played on the radio. The morning of my session, prior to the session, I was feeling very tired and a little tense about the upcoming session. I was trying to relax and suddenly heard the announcer on the classical music station announce a piece by Beethoven, which he described as “a playful piece in which the violin and piano play a game of tag.” It was indeed a playful composition, which did help lift my spirits.
©2009 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.