Saturday, April 9, 2005 (Private/Phone)

Participants: Mary (Michael) and Carmen (Tirza)

(Elias’ arrival time is 14 seconds.)

ELIAS: Good day!

CARMEN: Good day! I am surprised that I allowed this session to take place. (Elias laughs) It’s so weird to talk to you objectively, but I do have some inquiries.

ELIAS: Very well.

CARMEN: First of all, I’d just like to start out, hopefully on a positive note, validating some areas that I do think that I have moved in the past year, and these relate back to some of the things that we’ve discussed in the past. The first thing is that I do think that I have been allowing myself to be more playful, to express that side of myself more often.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: And second, I have expanded creatively. Now, some of this has been motivated by a striving to be better and by a desire to alleviate boredom by grasping at things to do, rather than by a genuine desire to be expanding with appreciation of that. But I do acknowledge myself for the expansion that I have made and for being more aware... (Polly, Mary’s dog, barks sharply in the background) Oh, my God! I guess I’m not acknowledging myself. (Laughs) Is she mad at me? No, I’m mad at myself?

ELIAS: Ha ha! Not necessarily angry, but more interruptive.

CARMEN: Oh, I’m interrupting myself!

ELIAS: Perhaps if you allow yourself to relax.

CARMEN: Yes. Oh, I get it! It is very difficult for me to relax when talking to you...

ELIAS: I am understanding.

CARMEN: ...which is why I write my scripts. (Laughs with Elias) But I do acknowledge myself for the expansions that I have done...

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: ...as well as for knowing the difference when I’m trying to be better, trying to improve myself versus genuinely curious and interested in something and wanting to pursue it.

ELIAS: Now; let me also express to you, my friend, that in some situations this action of what you term to be attempting to better yourself may be a genuine expansion. It is a method, so to speak, of expanding your abilities and examining what you can accomplish beyond what is familiar to you. That also is a manner in which you can be expanding yourself and your awareness.

Therefore, in saying that you are generating certain actions to better yourself or to accomplish better may not necessarily be a discounting of yourself. It may not necessarily be what you would automatically associate as a negative or in contradiction to the information that we share together. For those are words that you incorporate in familiarity, but at times, the action of those words is actually accomplishing an expansion. It is a manner in which you motivate yourself.

Therefore, do not view those types of actions that you have incorporated as less of an accomplishment than the other actions that you have incorporated, for this has been a manner in which you have allowed yourself to motivate yourself to accomplish expanding your abilities.

CARMEN: Yes, yes. I hear what you’re saying. I think I’ve turned those ideas around in my thoughts as I’ve gone through this process. I may feel an impulse to do something say creatively, and then I turn my attention back on myself and I think do I really want to do this or am I doing this just to push myself to expand. It’s an attempt to identify that kernel of desire to do that activity.

I just lost my train of thought, but I think I’m understanding what you’re saying.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: The moments when I have been totally without desire and not accepted that at that moment but thought if I do something creative I’ll motivate myself, then I push my energy to do something creative when the underlying desire is not there.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

CARMEN: But that’s good, because yes, it is, in a sense, in my terminology, an improvement to be expanding, doing more than I did before or discovering that I can do something that I didn’t know I could do. But that’s the word and I get tripped up by the word, and I tell myself no, there is no improvement, there is only expansion.

ELIAS: But the improvement may merely be another word for the expansion.

CARMEN: Yes. The third thing is that I have increased my financial security, so I’m not feeling the tremendous anxiety that I did before.

ELIAS: Congratulations!

CARMEN: Thank you! It has not been accomplished without thickness! (Elias laughs) Which I will discuss a little bit later.

The fourth thing is that I have been a little more relaxed in the past year. I do still have moments of tension, but I also acknowledge the personality type that I chose for this focus. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself trying to become a totally calm, unchanging personality.

ELIAS: Which would be contrary to your natural flow of energy.

CARMEN: I chose this personality in conjunction with my intent, I’m figuring. So actually, even though it drives me nuts at times, it does serve me.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: I’m just trying to even out some of those mountains a little bit.

The fifth thing is the tunnel that we talked about last time. I don’t think I’ve spent quite as much time in that tunnel as I did a year ago, but I have been experiencing some extremely low moods when I feel no desire. I’m not sure if feeling no desire has really qualified as being in the tunnel or if the tunnel is a different thing. I’m thinking that the tunnel was a slightly different thing.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Yes, in terms of putting myself in constraints by terrorizing myself and overwhelming myself.

ELIAS: Yes. In actuality, I may express to you that in your familiar terms, your moments of lack of desire are actually an improvement from your panic with yourself and your overwhelming anxiety.

CARMEN: That’s nice to hear!

ELIAS: I may also express to you that these moments of genuine lack of desire may be perceived in a different manner. You may actually allow yourself to experience them from a different angle, so to speak, in recognizing that you have previously generated such an extreme with yourself and so extremely overwhelmed yourself. You are moving into more of a balance.

In this process that you have been engaging in this time framework, I am also acknowledging of you that you have not actually swung the pendulum to the other extreme, which is a significant accomplishment. For generally speaking, individuals generate extremes and generally swing in the other extreme before they allow themselves to settle in the balance, which you did not do.

CARMEN: Really?! Because I almost see the extreme depression and sadness in the times of no desire as the swing in the other direction, but you’re saying that it’s not?

ELIAS: No, for what you have actually moved into is you have generated the previous extreme pastly in overwhelming yourself in such an extreme intensity. But in this time framework since our last conversation, you have been incrementally moving yourself more towards the balance, and these moments of a lack of desire are a factor in that. Rather than generating another extreme, you are moving steadily towards the balance. In that, you generate these moments of a lack of motivation to allow yourself a time framework to stop, to not continue in the familiar automatic expression of expecting production from yourself.

Now; you have been interpreting these moments in a manner which would be defined as considerably negative, but what I am expressing to you is that there is another manner in which you can perhaps perceive these moments as a type of “out-time,” in which you allow yourself to merely experience that lack of motivation and not oppose it, and also not express that harshness of energy with yourself that you should be discovering some action that shall generate some type of productivity and therefore force yourself to be producing in the moments in which you are genuinely not motivated and do not express a desire.

CARMEN: Yes, yes. Your point about moving toward that, I understand that. My understanding is that we shall create in like to the energy that we are projecting.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Sometimes when I’m feeling that lack of desire, I think I’ve got to get myself up, up, up! So, I do still have those moments of pushing, because I think if I don’t get my energy up, nothing interesting will manifest itself. But even within that, I still can see what you’re saying about the allowing myself to just be, just stop and be.

ELIAS: Yes, these are your out-times. These are your rest times.

CARMEN: Which I was not allowing myself ANY of before.

ELIAS: I am aware! (Laughs with Carmen) These are time frameworks to allow you to practice. Rather than perceiving these time frameworks as negative and opposing them and discounting yourself and fighting with yourself, you may perceive these time frameworks as your practice times to be allowing and to be expressing that gentleness with yourself. It allows you to become familiar with allowance with yourself, that there is no action that you should or must do in that moment, that in that moment it is purely and merely a matter of choice of what you want to do or not do. This allows you the practice points which shall move you more into that balance.

Let me express to you, balance is not a finish line that you approach and generate the prize of the balance, and therefore incorporate and hold that prize ever after. Balance is a practice. Balance is an action that you incorporate in familiarity in a continuous manner. But to achieve that, you must become familiar with yourself and what generates a balance within you.

One of the expressions with you individually that moves you out of balance is this constant pushing and expectations that you express with yourself, the constant expectation of yourself to be producing, not allowing yourself to incorporate time frameworks in which you are not necessarily outwardly producing, and allowing yourself time frameworks in which you are merely generating for you and allowing yourself to incorporate fun and playfulness. These are actions and expressions that are more difficult for you to incorporate.

I am acknowledging that you have been generating much more successfully recently, but it continues to be more of a challenge for you to generate that type of movement and action. Therefore, it is actually quite efficient that you are generating these moments or these time frameworks in which you are expressing no desire, for that, in actuality, quite efficiently interrupts that push.

Now; rather than immobilizing yourself in these time frameworks in which you are experiencing that lack of desire, perhaps you may attempt to perceive them as practice points to be moving more into that continuous balance, by allowing yourself that gentleness with yourself and to accept that moment that there is no desire, and not expect yourself to do.

CARMEN: Yes. You know, before this session I was trying to think of questions. I’ve got to think of questions! And I thought well, every time I have a session, something comes up that I hadn’t thought of even if I don’t ask it specifically, and it’s usually a new way of looking at things. This is an example of that. I was NOT looking at it like you just explained at all, and I can see where doing so would be very helpful.

ELIAS: Yes, and that is a beneficial movement that you are generating automatically in conjunction with moving into that balance.

CARMEN: Balance isn’t just a straight line. I mentioned my personality before — there’s going to be kind of an undulation of energy, up and down and up and down, but not the spikes that I was making.

ELIAS: Correct, which is the reason that it is important to be aware of yourself and of your energy and what is your natural expression of energy. In that, your energy does not move in an even keel continuously. Many individuals do not generate that type of energy. Some individuals yes, they do, but there are many that do not. It is not a matter of striving for what you define as the ideal norm. It is a matter of moving into a balance of your own harmony with yourself and what you naturally express.

CARMEN: Right. One other way I think I’ve moved a little, too, is that I have noticed how odd I am, my personality, with the people I interact with. I realize that I am drawing certain personalities to me, but I just realize how differently I perceive certain things or how I express myself that could be interpreted a little bit off the wall. That’s another thing I have become more aware of, in terms of becoming more aware of who I am and what feels most natural for me to be expressing in any given moment.

ELIAS: Yes, and allowing yourself that freedom and not comparing yourself with other individuals, but also not compromising yourself.

CARMEN: I know. That’s tough for me. I’m sure it is for many, many other individuals too, but oh boy, it’s a challenge. Was there anything else you’d like to offer on that subject?

ELIAS: Merely to be aware, for compromising can be a significant trap and one that may be difficult to climb out of.

CARMEN: Yes, because it ties back to that whole idea of value. If I felt that people really valued me for who I am and if I really valued me for who I am, I could just express and appreciate whatever my natural expression was and then create a reflection of that. But since I have doubts, then I’m willing to compromise. What do you want me to be like; what should I do to fit into this situation? I see that as tying back to that whole idea of my valuing myself.

ELIAS: Yes, and that is a significant element in this process, for that denies you the ability to express you, and that is the most important.

CARMEN: Well, I’m still working on that one. I think it could take me about five more focuses. I shouldn’t... Uh-oh, apply my paint! (Elias laughs) I’m not going to go there and criticize myself for that.

My next question is the ever-present question of how much of our reality we create. Oh boy, this has been revisited a lot, hasn’t it? In one of my sessions, you said to me quite pointedly that we create everything in our individual realities, including the people and the relationships. You explained a little bit about how we do that. I’ve also read many other transcripts where you’ve discussed this topic and described the process, or at least the rudimentaries of how this happens.

But in a more recent transcript, I interpreted something you said as meaning that we require the consent of other people to create relationships or certain kinds of interactions with them. My question is, as an example, if there is a particular person, say in my profession, with whom I wanted to create a working relationship, can I create that interacting relationship regardless of whether they create that in their reality?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: That’s how I interpreted what you told me before. I really put myself into a tailspin after I misinterpreted what I read in the other transcript.

ELIAS: I am understanding. Also, remember, I may express to one individual in a particular manner, knowing that individual’s energy and knowing what their situation is, and also knowing what their most strongly expressed beliefs are and what they will allow themselves to hear and what they will not. Therefore, I shall not express a contradiction to what I have expressed with all of you, but I may, dependent upon the individual and their energy and their direction and their situation, couch a concept in a somewhat different manner to allow them to assimilate more easily. But I am not expressing to any individual that you do not create every moment and every manifestation within your reality. You all do.

There is no outside official reality that is the real reality that you are all striving to attain or to break through to outside of your reality. Your reality is THE official real reality, as is every other individual’s. You do intersect with each other, which is obvious, for you incorporate similarities in your experiences as you interact with each other, for you are directly interacting with each other’s energy. But YOU are creating the actual physical manifestations of that energy.

Therefore, yes, you can create a relationship with another individual and you can design it in the manner in which you want and generate that reality as being quite real, and the other individual may also incorporate a different perception.

CARMEN: Good, because after I made that misinterpretation... I have a hard enough time focusing on myself to begin with, so if the idea of co-creation as necessity enters my mind, my attention is out there rather than really bringing myself back and saying nobody is doing this but you.

ELIAS: Correct. You are not co-creating.

CARMEN: Because I have two hurdles — first, to develop the desire for the relationship or the projects, and then is the hurdle of truly understanding deeply that I create it.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: I have a question about those moments of my lack of desire. We talked about this last time, and it really helped me out. This is the idea of the choice of whether to continue in this physical dimension or to disengage and move on being merely a choice.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: That was very relieving to me. It helped me get a little out of my tunnel, because I didn’t have as much fear and anxiety.

ELIAS: It allowed yourself to view that ballerina. (Chuckles)

CARMEN: Yes, it did, and to give myself permission to feel whatever I was feeling and to think that that was all right. But my question is... Oh, I guess I don’t really have a question. (Laughs) There are moments when I do feel that I am moving toward making that choice, but on the other hand I think, because I do have a tendency toward melodrama, I think I’m just swinging to the extreme or whatever. But am I correct that I have been generating moments where I have been moving into acceptance that this is something that I am comfortable with creating?

ELIAS: Yes, and allowing for that potential.

CARMEN: One of my fears is that when I reach the point, and I understand that I have not yet, but that when I do reach the point of genuinely desiring to disengage, that I will actually allow myself to do that rather than viewing it as my essence holding me in this physical dimension because it has such-and-such or such-and-such it wants to accomplish.

ELIAS: NO. It is YOUR choice.

CARMEN: That is relieving, too.

I have a question about the piece “The Creatures of Prometheus.” When I hear that, I get a mixed message. It’s a ballet, so it suggests to me a message that I don’t need to be pushing my energy. I can just stop, whether in that moment or projecting those moments into the future, in the sense of the ballerina. But also, because of the theme of Prometheus, it suggests the idea that I do more things to offer my abilities and talents to other people. So, on the one hand, I interpret it as saying it’s all right to stop. But on the other hand, I get a do more things message. I’m just curious, when you and I create that communication of “The Creatures of Prometheus” what am I trying to tell myself?

ELIAS: What you are presenting to yourself is the subject of balance once again, that you may incorporate both in a balance.

CARMEN: Which is why I was getting two messages.

ELIAS: Correct, for you are incorporating both directions, but to be allowing yourself to express those directions in a balance with yourself.

CARMEN: It’s funny, because there are times in those moments of stopping or slowing or just being that then my energy is liberated and then it creates something.

ELIAS: Yes! And that is the point! That is the observation that I have been expressing energy to you in encouragement to discover, to notice — not to be pushing or forcing yourself in either direction of stopping or incorporating more action but to allow both, for in actuality, they complement each other. For in the moments in which you allow yourself to stop and you do not oppose that energy and you do not force yourself to do, that generates a time framework in which you can relax your energy and unclutter yourself and de-scatter yourself. In that, you allow an openness within yourself to inspire yourself.

CARMEN: Yes. I have noticed sometimes, when I have allowed myself to reach that point of stopping without opposing it and just trying to let the energy flow. Thanks for sending that message. See, I do pay attention! I try! (Laughs)

ELIAS: I am acknowledging of you! And I am expressing my congratulations to you also that you are listening.

CARMEN: For my personality type, I’m going to acknowledge myself doubly, because boy, am I a rebel. (Elias laughs)

I’d like to know the essence names of my family members, if I may. The first one would be my mother.

ELIAS: Essence name, Golika, G-O-L-I-K-A (go LEE kuh).

CARMEN: Oh, I like that. And my father?

ELIAS: Essence name, Denzel, D-E-N-Z-E-L.

CARMEN: Denzel! Oh, that’s interesting. How about my brother? (Pause)

ELIAS: Essence name, Paje, P-A-J-E (PAGE).

CARMEN: Oh, my gosh, that’s interesting. He’s an alien, right? Actually, he has such an interest in science fiction, and that just strikes me as a really out there name. (Elias laughs) But Golika fits my mom, and Denzel, that’s interesting. Well, for some reason that helps me feel a little closer to them. Is my name still Tirza?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: I still do not have a tremendous interest in identifying my other focuses.

ELIAS: Which is acceptable.

CARMEN: I have actually moved into feeling that way, that there’s plenty of time to learn who they are later. (Elias laughs) What I’m afraid of is that I will take on their challenges. I tend to look at things a little bit negatively, and if I identify someone who is really creating some tremendous challenges in their focus, I know my attention could very easily go toward taking those challenges into this focus, even though I know that subconsciously I am that person and experiencing that.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

CARMEN: But I do have a curiosity about (name omitted by request). Her name has come up a couple of times that people have offered to me. I don’t feel that I am her because, oddly enough, I almost feel there are too many parallels between our personalities, but I’m wondering if I may be an observing essence of hers.

ELIAS: Partial, and also a parallel counterpart.

CARMEN: Right now, in my focus now?

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Now I have to go look up parallel counterpart! Does that mean that we are creating...

ELIAS: Very similarly.

CARMEN: I read her biography, and I even look at her picture and just feel a very deep knowing, that feeling.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: Does that mean I’m supposed to become famous? No... Apply your paint!

ELIAS: (Laughs) That would be your choice.

CARMEN: That has been kind of a bone of contention with me, because I sort of think that I could be. I mean, anyone can be famous and have their work recognized if they choose that.

ELIAS: And if THEY appreciate it themselves to an extent that they radiate that outwardly and therefore reflect that through the appreciation of other individuals.

CARMEN: Bingo, and that goes right back to that value thing.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: The other barrier that I have created to being famous is that I just don’t feel a strong need for it in this focus.

ELIAS: I am understanding.

CARMEN: Fame isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be! (Laughs)

ELIAS: I am understanding. And I may also be acknowledging of you, for in certain expressions, artistic expressions and certain other expressions that individuals generate within a focus, there is an underlying expectation that individuals express with themselves that if they are good or successful with their craft and their talent and their creativity, that they should be famous, for that shall be the earmark of their success, which is not true.

An individual that does not choose fame or public notoriety may be no less successful and no less creative than one that does choose that notoriety or fame. It is merely a choice of how you engage your creativity or your craft and how you choose to engage it with other individuals and how you choose to share it. That also is somewhat associated with each individual’s personality and their willingness to be interactive in a public forum and generate that type of exposure, or whether the individual chooses to generate a different type of exposure and expose through their creativity, not necessarily through public interaction.

CARMEN: One thing I’m thinking, too, is that whenever an artist creates or anybody creates any expression, that energy is influencing, whether it comes to the conscious awareness of other individuals or not.

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: For example, I could be creating art and not put it out there physically, so to speak, but the energy of those expressions is still out there to be drawn upon...

ELIAS: Yes.

CARMEN: ...and influencing and inspiring to other people, whether or not fame occurs or not.

ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.

CARMEN: One question just occurred to me. This came up in a session a while ago, and that was that part of my intent was to discover ways of offering influence to other individuals, even when I do not have an objective interaction with them.

ELIAS: Correct.

CARMEN: I’ve been trying to think of ways in which I have been doing that.

ELIAS: You do that continuously in whatever action you incorporate. Just as you have expressed that you can generate your creativity with your artwork and it is not necessary that you show that artwork, but the energy of that radiates regardless and is influencing.

You are continuously expressing energy that other individuals are interactive with and receive. It does not require actual objective communication or interaction, and it does not require physical proximity. It does not even require that you actually know or incorporate an objective awareness of who you are interacting with.

CARMEN: Right. I have this sense of just putting the energy out there for whomever. But I also have been sometimes, I shouldn’t say to my detriment, but more aware of the energy that I do project. And boy, there’s some of that I’d like to call back! (Elias laughs) But I do the best I can.

ELIAS: And be present within your now.

CARMEN: Well, you know what? I have slipped. I have slipped quite a bit on the now-ness. Although, maybe I haven’t, come to think of it. I am aware of times of being in the now...

ELIAS: Ah!

CARMEN: ...and paying attention to what I am feeling and the energy I am projecting.

ELIAS: Which, once again, is to be acknowledged.

CARMEN: I do know that you do not offer information that we do not request, but I’m wondering whether my essence has been wanting to give me a message or messages that I have completely blocked. One thing that really struck me was how difficult it has been for me to generate questions for this session. This lack of curiosity hasn’t been characteristic of me throughout my focus. I just wonder if I’m blocking. I have a feeling that we’ve covered some things that it’s been trying to get through to me, though.

ELIAS: Yes, and also it is not that you are incorporating a lack of curiosity, but that your curiosity is changing and you are paying more attention to yourself. You are paying more attention to your energy and offering yourself more information and noticing more. Therefore, you are also answering many of your own questions.

There is another element associated with this particular conversation, in which it is not necessarily that you have incorporated a blocking but rather are allowing yourself to move in somewhat of a different direction in your interaction with myself, being more conversational and allowing for more actual interaction between myself and yourself than merely questions and answers.

CARMEN: So you mean my arguing? (Elias laughs with Carmen) I feel terrible about this, but I haven’t investigated our other focuses that we’ve shared because I’m afraid that in all of them we just hate each other! (Elias laughs) I don’t want to give myself more fuel to resist you. But man, sometimes I’m really mean to you!

ELIAS: (Laughs) I do not experience that.

CARMEN: That’s what I figure. You’re just reconfiguring all of this, and you understand that we’re still human. That is another way of looking at it, because I was even giving myself that message verbally, talking to myself when I was trying to think of questions for this session, that I’m giving myself the information. But I thought that every time I have a session, there is an alternate way of looking at things that’s very helpful.

ELIAS: Yes. That was the point of this conversation, and also that you have allowed yourself to actually engage more of a conversation and an actual interaction with me. In that, you have allowed yourself more of an openness between yourself and myself, allowing yourself to be more open to my energy and more accepting of allowing yourself to receive my energy.

CARMEN: That’s good, because one thing that I have been concerned about, given my personality, is that oh boy, can I put up blocks and just dig my heels in.

ELIAS: And do not concern yourself with the other focuses and the investigation of them, for I am quite aware of your ability to transform experiences of other individuals into some configuration of your own experiences, which is entirely unnecessary.

CARMEN: Exactly. And that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t been reading transcripts, too. I think every other person is me and I should be working on what they are working on. That was just an element of my overwhelmingness, too. Plus, I brought the comparison thing into it, too, which wasn’t really helping me.

ELIAS: You incorporate enough to be responsible for merely with yourself.

CARMEN: I sure do! (Elias laughs) Well, I believe we are at the end of the time now.

ELIAS: Very well, my dear friend. I express to you tremendous encouragement as always, great acknowledgment of your accomplishments, encouragement to continue and appreciation of your movement and yourself.

CARMEN: Thank you so much.

ELIAS: I express to you in friendship great lovingness and anticipate our next meeting. To you, as always, au revoir.

CARMEN: Au revoir.

Elias departs after 1 hour, 2 minutes.

(1) Carmen is referring to an exercise that Elias previously suggested to her:

“Now; in moments in which you notice yourself expressing a should or a should not, you shall apply yellow paint to some area of your body. ... In moments in which you are expressing or noticing that you are pushing your energy, you shall apply blue paint to your physical body. In moments in which you are discounting yourself and you notice, you shall apply red paint to your physical body. In these expressions, in any other type of discounting of yourself that you notice, you shall incorporate your creativity and you shall choose other colors and you shall apply them to your physical body.” 2/23/04.

©2008 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved

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Copyright 2005 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.